Monday, April 2, 2012

Monday Reflections


  I have had some time to think and reflect this past weekend. The death of Fred`s friend has hit me on so many levels. He was his friend for decades. He was the exact same age as Fred. His death was expected for a long time but it is still sad when it happens. I am not going to the funeral. It had to be put in a larger venue because of so many people that want to attend. I am not saying my friendship with him was not worthy but I think my seat can be for someone who knew him longer. It is this Thursday in the morning.
 His death gave me a lot to think about. This is my life and I need to do it to the best that I am capable. I have catered to others all my life. My children, my family, and my friends. I love you all. I just want to start thinking about Fred and I for a change. That may sound selfish but I do not care. Our lives together could last another 30 years or it could end in a blink of an eye. I do not want to chance missing a moment of it.
 I am also going to do and say what I want like I used to. I am not going to allow another person or people, who are not my Mother, tell me what I am allowed to say or when I can say it. I am tired of holding my tongue. I am just as important as anyone else and no one is the boss of me. Pick on somebody else for a change because I am fucking tired of it.

I am just sad about the whole death. I never got the chance to shake his hand and meet him in person. That has solidified my whole push to get to Denver this Fall. I have had lack of money as many people have. I have not been able to save anything for the trip because of oil and electricity to heat the house. Thank goodness we had a mild winter.
Part of me does not want to spend the money to go because that is a selfish thing to do when there is so much that needs to be done around here. But part of me needs to go. I have be there to shake my friends hand. I do not want to have another missed opportunity.
It must happen.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. Even people we don't know can impact us, just by the amount of love and kindness they spread....and we are lucky enough to feel the effects.