Stick with the plan, man

*264* <---10 lbs down

   I have been busy working on this new way of eating and it is working ya`ll. I think the way the Dr spoke to me and told me what was going on made something click.
 It has been over 10 days. I have been eating strictly low carb low fat. I have tested the fat waters once or twice to see. I KNOW that the fats hurt my liver and I will refrain from over indulging. You can never cut fats out of your life because you need them to survive. But it is low fat eaten sparingly. Fish, seafood, chicken, turkey, eggs and I had some lean ground pork yesterday. Any vegetable you can think of cooked or raw, fruits, hummus, almonds. I drink a whey protein shake with almond milk for breakfast. I have snacks of raw vegs, fruits, low fat yogurt and cottage cheese, hard boiled eggs, and nuts.
  I have moments when I whine about it because I crave certain things. But I do not eat it. I only eat what is healthy for me and will heal my liver. I am taking supplements to help me along the way also. I just cannot explain it. I am strong enough to say NO to all these foods. Plus I am enjoying the food that I am eating. I was going to join the gym today but I had a couple bills to pay and I did not have the extra cash to sign up this week. I will sign up next week most definitely.  I need to start moving so that I can lose weight faster.
 My insulin is the lowest dosage since I first starting taking it. I used have take 35 units of Lantus a night...now it is 13. I used to shoot up with Humolog every time I ate. I only need to take a little in the morning. The only diabetes pill I am taking is Metformin.

  I feel better on the inside. And the pain in my gut is being managed. I think I have figured it out.

Should I?

*265*

  I have been trying for the past month or so to get a sleep study done for obstructive sleep apnea. Our insurance company has become very strict about it since June 1 of this year. I have been denied twice so far and I think my third denial letter is in the mail.  They are going to tell me that I just need to lose weight.
 I jokingly said to my GP and to hubby that if they want me to lose weight but will not help me with my sleep apnea, maybe they will want to pay for Gastric bypass surgery. My GP did not say NO NO NO! Neither did hubby. They used to before but I think I have come to the point in my ever shortening life that maybe I should do it. If I do have the surgery, I will eliminate the type 2 diabetes, the sleep apnea, the Gerd, the cholesterol, and all the other shit that I deal with.  I will lose an intense amount of weight, I will be able to exercise and walk again like I did when I was smaller.
I know there are plenty of downsides. I will have to change my eating habits for life. There are quite a few people that I know that had the surgery..you cant even tell anymore cause they gained much of the weight back. Your stomach does stretch as the years go on and you have to be honest with yourself that you have to eat less and exercise more forever or you will have gone through that surgery for nothing!
  I am going for my physical next week. I am going to talk to him about it on a serious note. What do I have to do to get the ball rolling? If I cannot lose it on my own, than the insurance company will pay for it to happen.
 I never thought I would seriously consider it. I always thought if I tried, I could lose weight and keep it off. I have so many things wrong with me and I just cannot do it. I have the WILL but I do not have the inner POWER to succeed at losing the weight on my own.  Who knows? Either insurance will deny it or I will run screaming because I do not want to give up my love of pizza.


I am just tired of being a fat lady.