Fatty Liver rides again

*245*

  I am a bit sad about Robin Williams. He made me very happy when I was down. I always knew he felt the same way I did most of the time. That is what funny people are like. Happy on the outside. I hope that he has some peace now.

 I have been slowly purging and cleaning today. I HATE cleaning up after other people. I HATE being asked to do shit but never get anything in return. Ugh. I cleaned the ds bathroom because it was awful. I dont use it unless I have to pee really bad. That is the kid`s bathroom. They are 20, 21, and 25 but refuse to pull out the Ajax to scrub the tub. I wait till I cant take it anymore. I want my empty nest dammit!
 
  I went to the endo yesterday thinking it was my 3 month diabetes check. uh huh. It was a physical. He gave me a new insulin to see if that helps with the itch. He also set me up with a nutritionist to get my food life in order. I asked him to give me the full truth about my fatty liver. He said that I have n.a.s.h.
 He said that most people with it, never know it. There is a small subset of people that it could progress to cirrhosis of the liver.  He wouldn't say if he thinks I could be in that subset. He is a very straightforward person. He will fucking tell you. So I think he cant answer it but he didn't say I wouldn't be.  I have symptoms and pain. He said  no more booze, no OTC pain relief, and lose weight. That is what will help reverse it. I am going to rely on my instincts. If I dont change, I will have major liver issues.

 That being said, I am back to what I started last year. Same time of year, Same station. I will eat the way I was supposed to stick to all this time PLUS I will give up all carbonated beverages. Something about them weakens the flap that closes off the esophagus to the stomach. I have a six pack of orange that I will enjoy this weekend and that will be that.

 Same eating as before. Low carb meaning no pasta, rice, potatoes, or breads. Lots of veggies and fruits. Low fat meaning lean or no beef, lean or no pork. Much poultry and fish. Lots of fish! Tofu and limited eggs. Limited dairy but I will consume some but low fat. I will use vegan substitutes when I can.  Soy milk and Almond milk. Low carb grains, nuts, seeds, and powders. Salads up the wazoo. So if I have a chicken burger..it will be with no bread but a salad instead. You all know what I attempted before. I lost 30lbs and kept it off. 

 First goal is 210. I have 35 lbs to go. I could probably accomplish that buy Christmas. Back to the gym. Back to walking..bump heel or not. This is not a experiment this time. I have to do it forevah!

   I am basically talking to myself at this point. I know I have people that read this but nobody replies. So this whole thing is splayed out for me. If you are one of those hateful bitches...you know who you are...<---I know you hate when I do that...Fuck off! Keep your snide thoughts to yourself.
 I hardly think of you unless I post something like this one here. . Why not go make your husband happy for once, fuck him,  and stop being so bitter.

^^ That was menopause at it`s best.

Great cool weather out there. I am going to get off here and start some laundry.
 

Low carb for Life?

*250*

  I already had a long post and it deleted. Grrrr! Let`s try this again.

  I saw the Gastro yesterday. I have not seen him in awhile plus I have a feeling of food stuck in my chest area. We are going to do an upper endoscopy next week just to be safe plus it is time to have it done anyway. I am not worried. It is probably just my GERD acting up. But after talking with him, I realize I really need to stop fooling myself. I have to eat low carb/low fat and my body will feel better. My gums have been bothering me and I know it is because of my wild blood sugars. If you keep your sugars in normal range, you can halt periodontal disease. I have been eating wrong and I suffer for it. I started last night with dinner. Today`s breakfast was eggs with cheese. I have to wait till payday to buy more food that I can eat. I will not make a big production about all the foods that I lost. I will just do it because it will make my life last longer plus I will be happier.

  Kid #1 leaves in two days for her internship. Flying to her destination. She will be back in mid August. We will take this time to clean out her room, paint the walls, shampoo the carpet, and get it all refreshed. She will be coming back. But there will be new rules in place for them all. Rent will be paid and they will all help out in the house. I know I know. Sounding like a broken record but this record is getting pissy. Leave it up to my menopause maybe.  I am tired of the clutter, the mess, and I cannot do it all by myself. I will clean the kitchen today and tomorrow it is a mess. I never get to the deep down dirty cause I am too busy with maintaining. I ask for help. They say yeah yeah yeah but then it never gets done. We shall see how this summer pans out. I just has too. I am tired of it all.

  Rainy and humid. I wont do yard work today cause I am not in the mood to be a mosquito's meal. The kid has some last minute shopping to do before her trip so I will take her out to do that. I will leave a list of things that need to be done and see if Frick and Frack will do them. I am going to be positive.

Stick with the plan, man

*264* <---10 lbs down

   I have been busy working on this new way of eating and it is working ya`ll. I think the way the Dr spoke to me and told me what was going on made something click.
 It has been over 10 days. I have been eating strictly low carb low fat. I have tested the fat waters once or twice to see. I KNOW that the fats hurt my liver and I will refrain from over indulging. You can never cut fats out of your life because you need them to survive. But it is low fat eaten sparingly. Fish, seafood, chicken, turkey, eggs and I had some lean ground pork yesterday. Any vegetable you can think of cooked or raw, fruits, hummus, almonds. I drink a whey protein shake with almond milk for breakfast. I have snacks of raw vegs, fruits, low fat yogurt and cottage cheese, hard boiled eggs, and nuts.
  I have moments when I whine about it because I crave certain things. But I do not eat it. I only eat what is healthy for me and will heal my liver. I am taking supplements to help me along the way also. I just cannot explain it. I am strong enough to say NO to all these foods. Plus I am enjoying the food that I am eating. I was going to join the gym today but I had a couple bills to pay and I did not have the extra cash to sign up this week. I will sign up next week most definitely.  I need to start moving so that I can lose weight faster.
 My insulin is the lowest dosage since I first starting taking it. I used have take 35 units of Lantus a night...now it is 13. I used to shoot up with Humolog every time I ate. I only need to take a little in the morning. The only diabetes pill I am taking is Metformin.

  I feel better on the inside. And the pain in my gut is being managed. I think I have figured it out.

Should I?

*265*

  I have been trying for the past month or so to get a sleep study done for obstructive sleep apnea. Our insurance company has become very strict about it since June 1 of this year. I have been denied twice so far and I think my third denial letter is in the mail.  They are going to tell me that I just need to lose weight.
 I jokingly said to my GP and to hubby that if they want me to lose weight but will not help me with my sleep apnea, maybe they will want to pay for Gastric bypass surgery. My GP did not say NO NO NO! Neither did hubby. They used to before but I think I have come to the point in my ever shortening life that maybe I should do it. If I do have the surgery, I will eliminate the type 2 diabetes, the sleep apnea, the Gerd, the cholesterol, and all the other shit that I deal with.  I will lose an intense amount of weight, I will be able to exercise and walk again like I did when I was smaller.
I know there are plenty of downsides. I will have to change my eating habits for life. There are quite a few people that I know that had the surgery..you cant even tell anymore cause they gained much of the weight back. Your stomach does stretch as the years go on and you have to be honest with yourself that you have to eat less and exercise more forever or you will have gone through that surgery for nothing!
  I am going for my physical next week. I am going to talk to him about it on a serious note. What do I have to do to get the ball rolling? If I cannot lose it on my own, than the insurance company will pay for it to happen.
 I never thought I would seriously consider it. I always thought if I tried, I could lose weight and keep it off. I have so many things wrong with me and I just cannot do it. I have the WILL but I do not have the inner POWER to succeed at losing the weight on my own.  Who knows? Either insurance will deny it or I will run screaming because I do not want to give up my love of pizza.


I am just tired of being a fat lady.

Low carb it is!

 

  After my appointment with the surgeon last night, I decided I needed to be more proactive and stop being a big old crybaby about my food choices. They all know that I cannot control my blood sugars but I am the only one right now that can do something about that. Low carbs. I started today. I was tired of playing peek-a-fucking-boo with the glucose meter. I wanted to once not have to wonder and check every couple hours cause the sugars are off the damn charts. And I am not eating any more in fact much less and I just cant stop the madness.
 I had some 4 slices of turkey rolled up with a T of mayo on the plate for dipping. , green salad, and a pickle for lunch. I checked my blood sugar about an hour ago and it was 120. That is what I like to see.
  It is just going to be very hard. I do not know what to eat that is going to sustain me so that I do not murder people out of hunger.  Tonight I am making sesame chicken, string beans, and rice. I am not going to eat the rice. I am going to substitute for a salad. (no tomatoes).

  I have to admit that I am obsessing over what else it could be besides my gallbladder. Scary notions I tell you.
 Oh! I am all alone this afternoon. Everyone is off doing their own things. I am here with the cats and dogs. I started cleaning then I sat to take a break. I have been puttering around here getting stuff in order. I wish I had more days alone. I kind of like it.

Hard to swallow

I realized after I had my lunch a little bit ago that my life could change forever and I need to come to terms with that. I had a can of Campbell`s chicken noodle soup and six Ritz crackers. That is it. That is usually the go to meal when you are sick on the couch with the yucks. I had just finished eating and realized I had to go to the bathroom. I have read about this symptom. It happens to you after you get your gallbladder out. Sometimes your bile cannot digest the food and you get the dumping syndrome that gastric bypass patients deal with.
  I have to learn how to eat things that do not have grease and fats. I have to learn to cook that way too. Now, I do not constantly eat fatty foods all day every day but I admit I eat things like tacos once a week. That is fat fat fatty. I did not think of it that way because I usually only had a bit of meat and the rest veg and cheese and some sour cream. I cannot indulge in those either.
This is not a whine fest at all. I am just really coming to terms that I have to learn to eat healthy or else. I have to cut the bad carbs out of my life and only eat the good carbs. I have to eat a low fat, high fiber, low carb life. And I have to walk my ass off every single day because I cannot afford to gain anymore weight. Once I have the surgery and I am healed enough, I am going to buy a new pair of sneakers and drag Fred along.
   Two nights ago I made dinner for Rainbow. The kielbasa rice and beans. It was a good meal and it made me monumentally sick. I did not get awful, god help me pain...but I was sick all night and into the next day.
 Dinner will be interesting tonight. Cooking in my crockpot is my spaghetti sauce with sweet Italian sausages. This is to go over shell pasta. For ME though is a different story. I am going to have pieces of white breast chicken that are stir fried with limited spice (salt and pepper) with mushrooms and fresh green beans. That is it. That is what I am going to have to learn to LOVE. Bland.

I was trying to find an example of how I should be eating NOW and how I am going to have to eat after. It took me a bit but I did find something.

Upon arising: 
 A glass of lukewarm water with lemon
Breakfast:
Fresh fruit and vegetables, steel cut oats with two egg whites mixed in (and then cook) and a big glass of water.
 Mid-morning:
Fresh vegetable juice with fat-free yogurt
 Lunch:
 Vegetable soup, a large salad consisting of vegetables in season with dressing of lemon or canola oil. Fresh fruit for dessert, if desired.
 Dinner:
 Fresh wild pacific salmon, one or two lightly cooked vegetables, baked yam or brown long grain rice or whole-wheat wheat tortilla
 Other foods to avoid
 All meats, egg yolk, animal fats, sugar, white flour, all products made from them processed and denatured foods, fried and greasy foods, refined carbohydrates, alcohol, tea, spices, condiments, pickles and smoking. Avoid carbonated beverages. Low fat dairy such as skim milk, low fat cheese, and low fat sour cream. Leaner meats are best if you are going to partake. And lots and lots of fruits and vegetables added for extra fiber.


Two things. I hate sweet potatoes unless they are in pie. And I have never eaten salmon before. I assume it is expensive. The way this is going to go is, I am going to have to eat one way, and they are going to have to eat another way. I am going to have to eat alot of fruits and vegetables. There is only so much money in the food budget. I am the one that is in pain, so my diet supersedes the junk that they like.
I am not going to get depressed over this. I just have no idea how to cook salmon. What the fuck does it taste like?
Just going to have to try really hard and ease my way into this. Ugh!

My gallbladder is a biotch!

I have made a comprehensive list of all the foods that are good for me and not good for me after I have the gallbladder removed. I also have to be careful of my carb intake because of the diabetes. So it is going to be a tough fucking road for this chica. There are not many veggies on this list but I will slowly work my way up on some of them. I dislike that onions are on the NO list but I understand it. I can use shallots instead. So here it is....take a lookie loo.

Positive Gallbladder foods: Lean meats in moderation, skinless chicken, fish, brown rice, beets/beet powder, apples, lemon water, olive oil, flax oil, Ginger/Turmeric, whole grain, melons, grapes, berries, pears, tomatoes, carrots, all dark and leafy greens, vinegar, cucumber, whey protein powder, and soy.

Negative Gallbladder foods: Beef, Pork, processed foods, trans fats, saturated fats, greasy/fried foods, dairy, cold cuts, bacon, coffee/soda/black tea, Nuts, onions, alcohol, chocolate, sugar, white flour/pasta, oranges/grapefruit, legumes, cauliflower/broccoli, and corn.

Yeah, I copied and pasted it from Word but it looks like shit. You get the gist of it though. Artificial does not want to stay with sweeteners. I am done trying to fix it. All fixed!! 
  Now it says to avoid legumes but then it says that lentils are okay. I have seen that in quite a few listings. I know that there are lentils that become mushier as you cook them, like the red ones so I will try those. I will not go for the black lentils, those might hurt me. I will proceed with caution. Some places said lean lean meats and then others said no beef and no pork at all. Others said skinless chicken and others said no chicken at all. It has to do with the person. I am listing things I have to watch out for so that I do not end up in the toilet all weekend.

Going to be very interesting if I can give up the caffeine without killing anybody.