Kitten Life

*234* <---according to the scale at the Neuro

  That is Keiko aka Little Girl on my summer handbag. For the past three years, I pull out this lovely jute/wickery handbag with the leather straps for lugging all my crap in. I love it and I will use it till either the end of time or another fancy summer bag comes along. LG seems to think it is hers. She likes to chew on the jute. She is getting big. Her first vet appt, she weighed in a 3.3 lbs and she was 12 weeks old. She has another appt in two more weeks for her second shot and to see how big she has grown. The vet will be able to gauge when she should be fixed by how large she has gotten from the last visit. She is an eater for sure. We used to serve one can of wet with a bowl of dry food for the two boys. Now it is 2 cans of wet with the dry. She gets along with everybody for the most part. Milo has taken her under his wing. Oli is tolerating her ass but all is okay. She is a good addition to our crazy family. Cats outnumber dogs at this point.  I do not call her Keiko. Her name is Little Girl. LOL

   I am so thankful that the weather has broken and the humidity has lifted somewhat. I was having a really bad time of it with it. Really bad. My brain was just not able to deal with the squish of the humidity. Once it lifted, I felt so much better. I will just pray the summer away. We havent even been about to enjoy the beach...at all. I have not swam once this summer. And I bought a bathing suit and a beach pass. Dammit!  It has just been a very busy summer so far and we have not had the time to squeeze that in. I do have a nice Vitamin D tan going though. I have been out in the sun, with sunscreen while I worked in the garden or did a plethora of other shit. I am patiently waiting Fall. I will gladly pay for home heating oil instead of electricity for the ACs.

  I want to say that I had a discussion with the Hubs about this whole not spending money thing for a MONTH. He did actually listen. I talked to Kid #2 about it because she can be a bad influence too when it comes to spending. I have to have them in my corner otherwise this will never work. Look. Another month has gone by and I did not follow through. I know I spent less on groceries but as for actual spending on stuff that is not essential....I suck. So again, I will push for August to be the month. It has to be. Just one fucking Month girl. Just one to prove you can do it! ugh. It is like being on a diet..... Does anyone notice that not all scales are universal? You go one place and it says you weigh like 230. Then you go to another place and it says you weigh 240. That is very discouraging. Who do you believe? Do you take an average of all the places that you have been and is that your weight? I could see a 3-5 lb difference but 10 lbs is alot. Too much not to wonder.

Oh yeah, speaking of that. I have gone quite a few days on keto. I am not in ketosis yet but I will be. I found out this week that my gastro is moving out of state. He will stop seeing patients at the end of August. I have an appt on the 1st. I am very sad. He has helped me so much with my gut. Now I have to start all over again with somebody else. Hopefully he or my endo can point me in the direction of a Dr that I can use that I wont want to yell at.  Anyway..I am totally into keto flu and this is usually when I cave. I cannot cave. I must be strong! I must be able to get back on the keto horse. I have mapped out a plan. I have August through the end of December to lose 40lbs. That is my goal for the end of the year. I also need to stick to the plan because in November, I will be having bloodwork done and my cholesterol will be checked. I want to truly see if the keto makes a difference for me. It didnt make one before when I was fully into it. I want to make a difference now. I have been following the glycemic index to help me in choosing foods to eat.  Like I just figured out that Cherries are actually not a good choice for me and my diabetes. I put them back in the fridge and grabbed to squares of Dofino Havarti Cheese. These will make me feel full and wont raise my blood sugar.

  Ketogenic eating has become a sexy thing to do. It has become a fad. It bothers some but it really doesnt bother me that much. I look at it as an opportunity for companies to start making stuff geared towards us. That is a good things. As long as it is not a chemical shit storm. People think they can do this and drop a quick 20lbs. It doesnt work like that. This is a slow way of losing weight. But when your body drops some weight, it is a large amount at once. You could go 2 months and the scale doesnt move. Then one day you look at you dropped 12 lbs. This is a way of eating for life for some of us. It is not a diet. I just have to really be strong this time. I am gonna do it do it do it!

  August 7 I am having a radial scare removed from my left breast. It is a surgery but it is outpatient. I am glad it is a Monday cause Hubby has Mondays off. He can cater to my ass while I shake off the anesthesia. Radial scars are not cancer. But they can develop into cancer. And having them raises your risk of getting breast cancer in either breast. Since my girls are very dense, it is safer to take it out so that they can biopsy the whole thing. We want to make sure there is no cancer hiding behind it. I am not very nervous about it. It is a good thing. I will have a scar but my boob will look the same as it always did.  Crossing fingers and toes that they do not find anything.  If I did not say it before, my liver ultrasound came out great. They did not find the polyp that I had on my liver before. It is gone. Yay!

  I am dealing with keto flu really bad. I am just dragging along over here. I need to take a shower and get an outfit set up for my appt today. I go to the Urologist today to find out why I have pain. Then I have to pick up the car because it is being serviced. If you saw the pictures on IG, you saw the new car. We bought a 2006 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo. It is our beater car. The Nissan will probably not last the end of the year so we wanted to get while we could. See..I spent money on a vehicle. But we need it. We love the BMW but you cannot use that car for every day stuffs all the time.

 Fuck me! Keto Flu SUCKS SO BAD! I will be strong. I will prevail. I will not eat any potatoes and ruin my progress! NO! NO! NO!

  Okay. I need to get off this thing. Shower. Wash my body. Pick out a nice outfit. Go to the Doctor. Come home and decide on dinner. I think it will be of the sausage and onion variety. I also have some broccoli I can steam and smother in butter. Sounds like a plan. I also need to get ready cause August 1st is coming and I am NOT spending money. I swear to Gah...I am not doing it.

Have a good rest of your week.

Life can be shit

 *225 at gastro, 230 at the hospital*

  The massively large blizzard with two feet of snow will not happen for us on the shoreline. We had some snow early this morning but it quickly changed over to ice and rain. That is gonna be fun to clean up. We will have to go out in it while it is still relatively warm so it doesnt completely freeze. Ugh

 I started this blog post before the blizzard. Stuff got in the way and I never got to it to finish it. Oh well. Then life shit all over us. Let me get a coffee while you watch Jenna put rhinestones on her face.....Okay, I am back. Instead of another cup of coffee, I made myself a horking big salad. That is how I roll at 10am. I went to get the cream and forgot I bought a rotisserie chicken breast the other day. Salad it is! I have been eating alot of crap lately and not following the way I have to be eating. I have not fallen completely off the rails but... cookies and crap have happened. I have to just do this one day at a time and fight the urges to eat garbage. It is my addiction to sugar and wheat that I am fighting. So this morning I will start off with a mixed green salad with half avocado, cut up chicken, a couple cherry tomatoes, a tablespoon of blue cheese, and some dressing. Good start to the day. At noon, I have an appointment to get a massage. A well deserved one after the last week I have had.

This is my poor Jeepo. She is totaled. She is no more. Last Friday, a guy veered in front of me as I was going straight and we had a head on collision. Kid #2 was my passenger. We are sore from the accident but no broken bones thankfully. We have a rental until the total loss paperwork goes through. That could be about 2 weeks. Our mechanic has gotten his license to sell cars. He has been going to the auctions to get for him to sell. He is going to get us a new to us SUV and only charges us a small finders fee. He will be able to check the vehicle to make sure it is not a piece of shit. We are hoping for another Jeep but we have a few specifics that we asked for. He goes every Wednesday, we gave him money for the auction, and he will text us when he sees something. If we do not get anything next week, we can get something the following week. I dont want to wait for the check for the total. Let`s just get something so I do not have to drive the Nissan aka clown car around. She is a good old car but she is rickety and 16 years old. I do not want to kill her. That is why I am glad we have the rental.

  And the other shoe is health wise. So I went to have a mammogram and have my Thyroid biopsied. Insurance is going away so might as well get these things done. Next day I get the call. I have to redo my mammogram which is not a big deal to me at that point. The girls are dense and I always have to have a redo. But I stupidly went on MyChart to check my appointment times. My boobs have two appointments. One for a mammo redo. One for my left breast only for an ultrasound. That does not make me happy at all. The second part of the phone call was about my thyroid. It seems that the nodule (or more) have grown to the point that I need a biopsy. That is next Monday. I am scared shitless of needles in my throat. Shitless! I have finally figured out a few things though. The swallowing issue I have been having that is not my esophagus is most likely my thyroid. And my itching is most likely my thyroid. I worry that they will want to remove it. I am not worried about cancer with the thyroid because that is a very remote possibility and if it is, it is one of the easiest cancers to survive.  So yeah. Life is shit right now.

And it is fucking cold! It is Spring and it is freezing.

I gotta go. I took too long to write this and I still have to take a shower before my massage. I will report back on Monday after the biopsy unless I have died of fright.

Namaste

She is gone

 This past Friday we sent Lu over the Rainbow Bridge. She was declined to the point that I had to give her love and dignity. Kid #2 and I were with her the whole time. She felt our love and she was very relaxed. It was perfect. I have a hole left now. It will take me a long time to get over her. This is all I want to say on this subject. 

   I spent a butt load on the Jeep last week. A fucking buttload. She had to have the motor/pump that controls the ABS replaced. That has been slowly shitting the bed for the last two years. It would act up during August/September when it was most humid. Then it would be okay. Yeah, this year it never got better. I HAD to get two new back tires and she needed an alignment from all the mechanical tomfoolery of this past summer aka rotor hell. But we are all set for the Winter. Let the snow begin!

  

Isn't she the cutest? Probably about 4 feet tall. We put it on top of a table. It clears the window but doesn't touch the ceiling. It is perfect. The livingroom smells like my childhood. I think this is a new old tradition. I have presents to wrap. I have a couple presents to shop for. I am basically done. I have been making bon bons to keep my mind occupied. It keeps the tears at bay sometimes. I have decided that we will have a Christmas ham. I also want to make a big pot of meatballs and sausage in sauce. Hubby and I will eat the meat by itself. The girls can have some rigatoni for it. I have not really decided on sides yet but there will be alot of veggies like Turkey Day. 

  Ahhhh! Blessed bullet proof coffee. The fat makes the hunger go away. I had a really big salad with leftover chicken, dressing, olives, and a tablespoon of sour cream but that didnt make the hunge go completely away. This coffee will help so much. As you can tell from my lunch choices, I am not completely following the AIP diet. I am not supposed to have raw veg, dairy, or spices..among other things. I am just gonna eat. If it makes me sick, off the list. Almond milk, soy milk, and all creams are a no. It will take time but I will figure it out. The fat will make it easier to make the bon bons without sampling.


Okay. I gotta stop now. This lappy is a piece of shit and I am getting frustrated with it today. I hope you are all well. I hope you have a great week. I will be back.