April Showers Bring May Flowers

*235* <---Something like that. Around about there. 

 I was awoken by a couple cats at 3am. They decided that would be a perfect time to ask for breakfast. Most of the time they bother Hubs because they know he has to get up anyway. The nerve of them! I know for sure I will be taking a nap later.  No gardening going to be going on today. It rained so much yesterday that all the leaves and the beds are saturated. I like to garden but I am not that hardcore.

  Let`s get the icky stuff out of the way. I saw the surgeon. She says that my left boob is negative. No cancer. There is a very small radial scar that will have to come out but otherwise, thank god! The cancer in the other breast is stage 1a grade 2 at this point. That could change after everything is biopsied. She is going to recommend me for radiation. <---not fucking happy about that. I am having surgery to remove the two areas in the breasts and a few lymph nodes on the right on May 14. May 1 I have an appointment with the oncologist and I know she is going to put me on the dreaded Tamoxifen. I already saw a shrink and he gave me a script for Lexapo to deal with the Tamoxifen. I havent started taking it yet. I hate side effects. I will probably start taking it on this Sunday. Fresh week with a fresh new medication.

  I do not know how I feel right now about all of this. I should be freaked out and I think a small part of me is. But I have to take it day by day. There is nothing I can do about what is going to happen cause it has to happen to make the cancer go away. We will just pray really hard that the Onoctype testing on the biopsied pieces will come back with a very low number. It is a test that will tell you if you have a chance of reoccurence of the cancer. Higher then 20% will require chemo or mastectomy or both. LOW NUMBER! I have a oncology nurse navigator. She will help me with appointments, if I do not feel well, classes, questions, insurance, and the like. I will have three doctors and someone has to help you navigate the maze of cancer.

As for otherwise life, nothing much else is occupying my mind at the moment. I do have the garden going on but with the deluge of rain we had been getting, I havent planted the lettuce or radish seeds yet. I am hoping that I get out there tomorrow when the ground has dried some. I want to get them in the ground. I also need to pick up some kale and collard plants at some point. Yesterday`s rain was really bad. I am surprised the basement didnt flood a little bit. I have to do the kombucha today after I come back from the dispensary. It is time to bottle it. If you wait too long, it starts to taste vinegary. So today is the day.

 I am boring. I have nothing witty to discuss or share. My mind is in boring old Cancerland and I have lack of sleep. Maybe the next post will be more exciting. Maybe not. Whose to know.
I hope you have a great rest of your week. I will be back to share again next week. Pray for lots of sunshine!

It is a gonna be a two coffee pod kinda day

This is Julien. Kid #1 calls him Bashir. Shout out if you get reference 

*236* <-----eating things I shouldnt it. Make it STAHP!

  It is 932am est and I have been up since 530ish am. We are in the midst of another Nor`easter here on the shore. They are saying we could get a foot of snow when it is all said and done. The snow was impressive earlier but no so much now. Unless we get some more banding going on, I think the thought of epic snowfall is a bust. We shall see.

   Again, I have missed too many weeks in a row and for that I am sorry. My past couple weeks have been very stressful. It always seems like shit storms comes in threes. I will break some of these things down, some I will not because I have to keep a little air of mystery about me. I will try to add a positive at the end of each thing because that is how I am trying to live my life. Except I have no postives to say about my computer life. First the iPad died. I cannot afford to replace it. Now I found out that this HP Stream that I bought for myself is a $200 piece of garbage. Windows 10 is too large for the gigs on this things so it has already out of memory (bought in January). I cannot update it at all. I cannot upgrade the memory because of the kind of memory it has. And you guessed it, I cannot afford to replace it. I still have the Chrome book as a back up when I can no longer use this one. No positives for this declaration at all. And we do not get refunds so a computer will not happen then. Oh well. Maybe the Apple Fairy will gift me. Probably not.

Can I get a discount card on Cat Litter?

  First up, you have probably seen the pictures of Julien on the IG feed. He has been Kid #2 and my secret this past month. This lady came into the office with her cat and the litter. The office was going to adopt one of the litter when they were ready because one of the vet cats passed away. All the girls (3 left) are very much older and they wanted to bring up a youngin while the girls were still around. Kid #2 asked me to come in and see the kittens cause they were so tiny. Julien is the runt. He had to be mine. We received him two weeks ago during the last storm. We also found out this week he contracted round worms from his mother (the whole litter did) but he had his first de-worming and he will be fine. He is a little spit fire. He leaps. He runs like the wind. Last week he weigh 1.86 lbs. He is too small to be so fearless but he is. It took about a week but everyone has adapted. I am now OFFICIALLY a crazy cat lady. I had no plan at all to get another cat. We had three. Dont need another. But it happened and we are happy. He is very lovey to everyone. He is black but he still has a bit of his fever coat. That will go away as the months go by.

 I am the IV queen

 Last week I had the upper endoscopy. Nothing impressive. No ulcers. I still have gastritis, esophagitis, and he noted my hiatal hernia. Biopsies were taken. I have not heard anything back so that tells me that all is well with that. But, the hernia is probably the reason I am having trouble swallowing. It can get it the point where it pushes up a little higher in your chest and can make you have difficulties. I am supposed to take care of my Acid reflux but I cannot take PPIs because of the Cdiff.  I will just deal with what I have gut wise. If the hernia ever gets too bad, I will have the surgery. But as for now, no no no.
  Yesterday, I had my Mammo and my boob MRI with contrast. That all went well too. Of course they cannot tell me anything. I have an appointment with the boob surgeon next week. Lets hope I hear NOTHING before that appointment. I want no phone calls about the scans. All is well and they found nothing.

 When one door closes, Another one opens

We found out that hubby`s last cleaning job was given to some other company. Nothing do with him or his performance. Just company restructuring. That left us with alot of money a month out of our budget. I lost it. Completely lost it. I remember my friend (and mechanic) said he had someone that had a cleaning company. Long story short, we will be making approximately 2/3rds back. Still money missing but not catastrophic. We can work with that and hopefully there will be more to come.
The paid internship fell through. They could not work around the rules of paying me so that fell apart. I had decided that I would never get my hopes up for a job again. Now I have a chance at maybe another paid internship with our local cable company. That is actually the first job I applied for and had not done so well on the phone interview. Not bad. Just inexperienced at it. Now I know how to do all that. The company actually does participate in internships so we shall see. They need workers. I need a job! Wish my ass luck cause I am really tired of applying for stuff.

Girl, you need to stop

Because of a bunch of stressful stuff, I have not been eating right. Bread. Noodles. Rice. Potato. Junk. Pizza! You name it, it is going down. I have to really do it now. My doctor is gonna raise my insulin at my appt in May. Now it is the middle of March and I have not lost a significant amount. I have a plan. I am going to slowly slack off from now until Saturday. Saturday I will be taking my first Methotrexate shot..did I tell you about this? let me look....I guess I havent. The rhemy changed my methotrexate from a pill to a shot so it does not effect my gut like the pill did. I had to wait till this cold was all over before I can take the first shot. So, Saturday will be the first shot and the first day back on LCHF fully. All the junk in the house will be gone/ I will have set myself up with good for me snacks and I will be ready to go. I have to lose at least 10 more pounds by the beginning of May. I will do this. I need to do this! As i eat a slice of leftover pizza for breakfast/lunch.
Crap! 49 days until May 1, 2018!

Housework sucks

  Since I am *snowbound* today, I am going to get some cleaning done. I have to change the hose on the sump pump (it sprung a few leaks). I have to water all the plants. I will do the plants after I finish up on here. They are priority. I have a few that cannot wait for Spring so that I can repot them. When you have a boisterous kitten, you realize how dusty your house is. Pulling stuff out and vacuum underneath is going to happen in the livingroom today. Has to be done. I will polish all the furniture in the there and I will be good till next week. Okay. I ate one small slice of pizza. I think I am going to throw the other two away. Not gonna eat them. Going...going...gone. I tossed it in the trash and smushed it in the trash. Not that I would ever ever never eat that now but I felt it needed that extra Fuck you for being there so that I would eat it.


Okay...it is really time for me to do some stuff. I hope all is well with you. Stay out of the snow if you can help it. And I will be back next week.

April Showers Bring on Rheumatism

*230* <---fat ass

  I woke up to rain hitting the roof above my head. It is a soppy April rain out there this morning. Supposed to be like this all day. I had no idea. I have been so preoccupied with life shit that I have not even paid attention to the little things, like the weather.  I am surprised I dont feel very bad. Usually rain makes me feel like garbage in the head. Days like this make many of us FEEL the weather. We will see how the day goes and how much I get done.

   I am sorry this has been delayed by a day or two. I had some stuff transpire and my mind has been elsewhere. The thyroid is fine. There is no cancer. I do have a 3cm nodule that you can feel cause it is right on the front of the left side of the thyroid. I also have a larger one in the very center, called the isthmus. I went to see my endo yesterday. I had blood work done and most definitely thyroid was in those tests. For right now, we are going to leave the nodules alone. He is definitely sure that they are not the reason I am having difficulty swallowing. If the swallowing becomes a major issue for me (it isnt just yet), I will make appointment for my ENT office. This is what I have to say about the biopsy of the thyroid..If you have to have one done, do not be afraid. They numb you enough that you do not have any pain. You WILL feel the pressure of the needle touching your thyroid. It is unnerving but it is not really painful. Maybe a tiny bit. But not gonna kill you and it is quick quick. If I have to have it done again, I wont be a chicken shit.

  As for what happened yesterday, that was a whole different scenario. Let me refill my coffee cup. Okay, let me back track a bit. I went in Thursday for my second mammo. It was done on the left breast only. Then I had an ultrasound on the same breast. They found something called a architectural distortion.  They basically said that it could be cancer or something called a radial scar. They cannot tell what it is because it is not palpable like a cyst or a lump. So they had to do a biopsy of it. Yesterday I think if I could have shit myself without embarrassment, I would have. I was having a Stereotactic Core Biopsy. That even sounds scary to me. They sat me in a chair, pushed me up to the mammo machine, pressed my boob in there to position where they could see the distortion, numbed the skin, numbed deeper in the boob, and then the mammo has a hollow needle that is attached that goes down into your.... Okay. You get the idea. Anyway. Because I am a freak of nature, I could feel the biopsy. They figured it was because my breast was so dense. There was no mistaking my facial expression. I could feel it and it hurt. The doctor just did what he had to do in a hurry. I just trooped it out because where the hell was I gonna go. They had me by the boob.

  Right after that, I went for my 3 month check up at the endo. He said I do not have to wait until Thursday. That would be cruel. He told me to call his assistant in the morning and she will call pathology to get the results. I am really afraid of the results. Radial scars are rare unless you have had previous biopsy or breast surgery. I have had neither. Even if it is a radial scar, that has to come out. They can be a precursor to breast cancer. And now I will have to have mammos every 6 months instead of every year. Fuck me!  My joke always was *if it isnt killing me, I am okay* Cancer is a whole other ball game. Plus with diabetes. That is no joke. I am sorry to sound morbid but it could be my ticket out of Dodge. Let`s just be as positive as we can. None of you will probably see this before I get the call back, but if you see it today...give me some warm positive thoughts. Let`s hope for the best outcome.

  Okay..I gotta be positive. Right? Did you all see my Beemo in the Instagram feed on the left?? Isnt she the cutest? She is a 2011 x5. She has leatha seats. She has all the bells and whistles. She is GOR--G-OUS! She rides like a dream. There is no owners manual so I have been watching YouTube videos so that I know what all the gadgets do. I should get the title in 2 weeks. I will mail out the Jeepo`s title today so that the insurance company can cut the check. I am happy to not have to drive the 16 year old Nissan around. She is a good around the town car but she does not deserve to be used for day to day use. We still have the rental. We will have it until they send us the check for the Jeepo. Since we already bought a car, we will not have it for an extra week for buying a car..since we already did that.

Kid #2 and I went to the garden on Sunday. We cleaned out the beds. There was not much weeds which was really good. We have to top them all off with compost but that can happen this weekend. We purchased some lettuce seeds and I had some radish seeds already. I am glad we did not plant them on Sunday because they would be gone now with all this rain. We have planned to dedicate one bed to just peppers. We want an abundance of cayenne peppers so that we can make some more roasted red pepper flakes in the Fall. We all loved the jar of homegrown so much. We used it all. Our plan is to grow enough to fill at least three canning jars full. That should last us through the Winter and into the next growing season. We also cleaned out the strawberry patch. There is room in the middle for something. I was thinking one cantelope or one watermelon plant but I dont know. One solitary something that can use that space to its advantage. I have to think about it.

  My fat ass has been eating crap. I gained as you can see. Fuckers. I wont hit the 240 mark. I will NOT! I REFUSE! I need to just hope to get in a better mindset. After I find out if I have breast cancer or not.

You all have a wonderful week.  I am going to take my meds, drink my coffee, eat some eggs, and clean my room.

Peace!

Fat Tuesday Gorgefest. Not Really

*228* <---I lost 3 lbs so far!

  The sad assed eat-a-thon is over for me. I am going to use Lent (and today and yesterday) as my jumping off point back into full keto. I even made a declaration on IG. I want to see if I can lose another 50lbs by October. That is how much I lost the first go around. I lost my way but I am back on track. I am not looking at it as a failure if I do not lose another 50lbs by the Fall, but I have had better lost something. At least 20-30lbs! I have goals!

Yesterday I went to the pharmacy to fix the mess that is our insurance. I talked to the pharmacist about my gut issues. I bought a bottle of pancreatic enyzmes to help aid in my digestion because I do not have a gallbladder. You take a pill with meals. We shall see. I just started it today. He also bestowed the virtues of peppermint oil. If you ingest small amounts (i dip a toothpick in the bottle and stir it in my coffee) it helps with spasms, gerd, ibs, and contractions of my colon. I started it yesterday so I cannot say anything yet but I will come back to it at a latter date to give a full report. It helps with alot of things especially appetite suppression. Supposedly if you take a few sniffs or put a dot under your nose, it helps you from being hungry or gorgy. I will definitely need that in the coming weeks cause that is why I have failed to get back on the wagon with Keto.

 We have insurance until the end of April. It has been a bit of a hassle getting stuff kick started but Hubs talked to somebody yesterday, I sent out a check (we pay what he paid as employee) and it will be turned on soon. This is why I am thankful that we cashed in the money. If we had not, we would be up shits creek. I have made some appointments coming up for mid March. I still have to have the MRI on my neck to make sure if all is ok. Part of me just doesnt want to know. I wont have real insurance to have it taken care of so why bother. Hospitals and Doctors treat you differently when you are on State Medical. This is another reason why we are going to get back to eating keto and losing more weight. The weight loss will help with the health aspect and keep us out of the doctors office.

     We have not had stuff done around the house yet. I want to hold off at first. We are going to have Venus in retrograde for the first 2 weeks of March and it is NOT a good time to have work done or make major purchases.  This I just learned and I am going to follow that advice. We have a few things that we want to do around the house that are necessary like fix the fascia around the border, find out about new gutters, get the house painted in the Fall, etc. And I dont want anything to happen to fuck that up. Waiting a couple weeks wont be a tragedy. I already talked to a friend about the garden beds in front of the house. She is gonna crunch some numbers. I do not want to spend alot but I am not gonna be cheap either. Mid range is the way to go. If they are up before the summer, I will be happy!

  I did not hear from the place that I put in my resume. But I went in to pay the bill yesterday. The lady at the front told me the hiring manager is on vacation and will be back next week. That is why there was no call! She said that when they are hiring, they like to have both the manager and the supervisor in on the interview. Her face told me not to worry, I would get a call. Oh my word, how am I going to deal with two people asking me questions?? I am going to have to just be cool, be myself, it is okay, and ask my higher power to help me with this aspect of my life. I need this. I feel it is a perfect fit for me. I have done it before. I am healthier now then I was back then. I can contribute to our lives with medical benefits. The money is not great but it will get better with time.

   Today is Fat Tuesday. It is the last day to gorge yourself before the 40 days of Lent march on until Easter. I am a Catholic by trade so I know these things. I guess eat sugar free Twizzlers for dessert last night would be considered a bit of a gorge? I dont know. Hubby and I made THE best keto stuffed peppers. I dont even have a website recipe. We just made it up.

Heidi`s Keto Stuffed Bell Peppers
-Four Red Bell Peppers, tops cut off, dig out the seeds. You are going to want to steam them for about 10 minutes to get them a bit soft but not too soft. Stand them up in small baking dish.
-One and half cups of riced cauliflower. You can get this in the produce section. It has a steam bag for the microwave.
-Half a yellow onion, minced and sauteed
-3 cloves of garlic, minced and sauteed
-1 package of Hatfield loose Italian pork sausage and 1 package of Hatfield loose chorizo sausage, sauteed till brown
-Pasta sauce of your choice, either home made or from the jar.
 Mix the meat, riced cauliflower, cup of sauce, onions, garlic, salt, black pepper, basil, and garlic powder. Fill each pepper with the mixture. Top with Mozzarella cheese. Pour remainder of the sauce in the bottom of the baking dish. Cook in a 350 deg F oven for 30 minutes. We went to 45 because we like it to have a little brown on the cheese.
I do not have nutritional information cause I just made this up but if you wanted to know, you could look up the ingredients on MyFitnessPal. This dish makes four servings. It was really good. I was saying Yumm as I ate it. That will be made again.

  Oh! I bought myself a pair of sneakers! Real Nike Sneakers. I tried them on and I like them. They are hard soled but have squishing bottoms. You feel like you are walking on air. Since Meteorological Spring is here tomorrow, my ass it going to start walking again. Up the street, around, and down the street. Gotta take care of the ass jiggles. My legs are so cottage cheesy from losing weight. I know that it wont all go away because of my lack of collagen but I could try to tone a little bit. I also know that moving my booty will help with the arthritis in my hips and back. It is not bad yet but if I do not move my ass, it will be.

That is about it. There is nothing spectacular going on this week really. Just paperwork and ideas of things to come. As it gets warmer, I will have better stuff to show and talk about. I hope you all have a great last day of February. Get out and enjoy something yummy! Let`s hope NO MORE SNOW!

Namaste.

I am in utter love!

 

*233* <---that is what the gastro`s scale says


   I am in love for a couple reasons and one of them is not that my Zyrtec is working against the allergens. not!
 First lets talk about these huge pinwheels that I bought the other day. I bought four of them, all the patterns, at 5 below. They were $4 a piece. Yes, I spent $16 plus tax on pinwheels. But they are amazing and they make me happy! 

 Wednesday I got a new phone! Yay! iPhone! Yay! It is not the latest but it is fresh, new and mine. My Samsung was limping so she had to go. Easy transition cause I am used to the iPad.
  Kid #1 got me hooked up with Snapchat. I actually kind of like it. I follow this guy called Cian Twomey. I also follow him on FB and YouTube. Dont judge. I am one of them. He is hilariously funny!

 So I love me some Snapchat. Give it a try and have some fun with it. I wanted to share a widget on here with my snap story but I couldnt figure it out. But I did add my Instagram. I do that almost every day so you can see that at least. Another peek into my soul. It is over there <---- on the left. I also wanted to share a new app I heard about. It is called Couch to 5k. It is a trainer. I have to lay on the couch and fiddle with it. You can find it in your app store on your phone. I want to step up my walking and this might help.

  I am busy cooking and cleaning today. Tonight I am making Rocky Point Clam Cakes with corn on cob, salad, and possibly tater tots. These fritters aka cakes are tha bomb. They taste better then all the local clam places around here. They are so tasty that you could eat them naked...the food is naked. Get your mind out of the gutter. Unless that is your fancy. 

I will be making tartar sauce though cause that has to happen to. I also have a soup in progress cause Kid #1 is over tired from over working. I will post the recipe but I did tweak it. It is Chicken, Lentils, and Rice Soup. 
The changes that I made were a teaspoon of grated ginger, 3 cloves of minced garlic, no mushrooms, a can of no salt diced tomato, low salt chicken broth, garlic powder, poultry seasoning, and 2 bay leaves. I added about 6-7 cups of water on top of the broth. The rice and lentils will soak up with water so you may have to add more.

  I went to the gastro. He is worried that the cdiff is getting a little aggressive. I had to send out a *sample* and I started up Flagyl today. Yuck. I hate that shit. He asked if it makes me nauseated. I cant answer that. When I took it the first time, I was very very sick already. So this will be a new sensation. I am already nauseated, in pain in colon, and have to force to eat.  Hopefully this stuff passes quickly and I dont get a luxury stay at the hospital again.

   Stopped at the pharmacy to pick up the Flaaaaaa-gyl and the pharmacist wanted to have an in depth convo with me about c-diff. He even asked me if I had the time to chat. He had been reading and listening to podcasts. He wants to know more about it because more people are coming in with it. He wants to order different probiotics and I will be the Guinea pig. Not for free, mind you, but he is trying to help. Then he tells me that he wants to help because he heard several times that the longer you have c-diff, or colonization, or multiple reoccurrences..you could end up with slow motility and possible hardening/scarring of the colon.  Like dammit, I came in there with a good mood. He tanked that real quick. It is good to know though. I always want to be informed. 

That is about it. I am gonna poke around to see what i am gonna eat for lunch and maybe take a nap.

Update: As I was stirring the soup, it looked like it needed a few things. I added two chopped potatoes and the last of the frozen spinach which was probably more then a 1/2 cup. I do that. I follow a recipe and then I just twist it around until it is unrecognizable. 

Stuff is a-changing

*238*


  Against my better judgement, I am drinking my third 8oz cup of coffee with soy creamer and one Stevia packet. I had my sick stomach breakfast of 1 egg cooked in microwave with a sliced avocado. When I am having pain and no appetite, that breaky gives me enough boost just in case I cannot eat till dinner. *burp* Okay..I am gonna pour this shit out.

  Changes are happening. I hope that the positives continue cause we have had our fair share of bullshit. Hubs has been offered and he accepted a new position in his department. He will be a driver. He will pick up and delivery all sorts of small stuff to the different clinics and hospitals affiliated with ours. The guy he is taking over for leaves in 3 weeks so he will have plenty of time to train. He started yesterday and he likes it. This is good for him. He is off his bad foot. He is not lugging big carts of supplies. He still gets to socialize but a whole new crop of people. Plus he is back on 2nd which he likes. I dont have to worry about him as much as I have been.
  
  Kid #1 is treating me better.  She is talking to me. That look of disgust when she had to communicate with me is gone. It is either cause she has grown more, therapy, or a combo of the two. I still want a empty nest but I can tolerate a little longer cause she is more forthcoming towards me and vice versa.

   If you totally ignore my stomach issues right now, I am doing pretty good. I have had some depressive moments but I rolled with it and I am ok now. Bipolar sucks ass, I tell you. Thankfully I am of the 2 variety so it is not as intense as what I grew up with living with my Mom and Sister. They were/are 1s and that is not a fun thing to have.  I have tried to do more. Get moving. Get Doing. Try new things. I tasted beef tongue a couple weeks ago. Scared of it but I ate it with Hubs in a taco. It was actually pretty good. It was not at all tonguey. It was really like shredded roast beef.

  I have been making TO DO lists that are pinned to the wall for me to see. I scratch off when I get something done. It gives me motivation to finish that list! So I have to get moving to finish my clothing. Cause then I can scratch off Finish Sorting Clothes and Bring Donations to Jonnycakes. I have to move my bedroom around (on the list) but I have to finish the clothes!!!!!!

That is my goal today. Drop off the *children* to their destinations (it is raining) and finish the summer stuff. I am not ready to call the gut dr yet. I will give it a couple more days. It might just go away on it`s own. Why I worry a tad is that it is making me feel low blood pressure symptomatic. Or I think it is and it freaks me out. We shall see.

Have a great Tuesday. Hopefully there is sunshine for you.

Too much death circa 2016

*239*<----losing what I gained in mourning feasting

  People have told me this past week that when they heard Prince died, they thought of me. I am not an outward Prince fanatic by any means. If you didn't know me really, you didn't know that I loved this man from the moment I saw him. I guess when I was younger, I left a PrinceLove impression. He was beautiful. He was talented. He was shy. He was Prince. I had this picture as a huge poster on my bedroom wall above my bed. I had all his albums. I saw his movies, even the bad ones. I was fortunate to go to one of his concerts in the late 80s. Loved him and I am very sad. You can mock me all you want but I will be sad about his death for awhile. Taken too young. 

  I haven't been around this month because we had a death in our own family. My father in law passed away suddenly from a heart attack. He had just turned 64 the week before. We are all devastated. He was a wonderful man. He was funny, real, naughty, loving...everything you can think is what he was. He was given a military burial and a wonderful send off. He would have been tickled by all the love he was receiving at his home going. Hub's Mother is surrounded by her daughters right now so she is being taken care of Upstate. 

  This is why I have been a bit quiet this month. 

Today I am in bed. My stomach had been doing really well. I mean I still have to watch what I eat but for the most part, it had been good. I think I have been complacent with it all though. Funerals and mourning make you eat. I was baking all kinds of things for his repass and it was there for eating. I gained like 7lbs. I started back to healthier eating and then I *injured* my colon again. Growling, pain, nausea, feeling green, head is cloudy...the whole kit and kaboodle. Thank goodness my kefir is non dairy and doesn't have an expiration date. I had that this morning. I see the gastro in June and I will have to have an upper endoscopy to see how my gut is doing. If this doesn't settle down, it might have to be sooner. Ugh..

   I am trying to throw some positives in today. I bought a really nice 36" square heavy glass coffee table for $40. Love it! I finally found my coffee table. I got all the beds at the community garden ready for planting. It just needs to stop having frost and freeze warnings at night. I haven't even put my house plants out yet.

I made this cake for the repass. It was really really good. I also did a strawberry lemon cream cheese pound cake. Let me see if I can find the recipe.... http://noblepig.com/2016/04/strawberry-lemon-cream-cheese-pound-cake/

I am on my iPad so I cannot do the linky links like I do on the computer.  Isn't she pretty?

That cake was lightly sweet cake but the icing made it. If you make that cake, dry your berries well and let them be room temperature. It will help with the baking. I will make that cake again. I might do blueberries as the fruit. My friend helped bake. We made a shit ton of brownies. There was a lot of food to be had and I enjoyed it all. 

I have also gotten drunk off margaritas at Chilis twice. Once cause I was sad over FIL. Second cause my bestie had to put her mom in a nursing home and she wanted a partner in numbing. That was not good for my liver at all. I know it and I am a dummy.

I painted some of the pots already. These are all krylon spray paints. I have to pick up three more colors for the rest of the pots. I also have to get soil, herbs, and cherry tomatoes. That is what is going into all the pots. Thyme, rosemary, basil, lemon balm, and I don't know. Chives most definitely. They brighten up the back patio. Much nicer then what they used to look like. One can covers one large pot and one small pot with a little bit left over. I did not paint the entire insides. Just around the lip.

  

  I almost finished sorting all my clothes for keeping and charity. I have to go through my summer stuff. Unfortunately that isn't gonna happen today. The fam is getting irritated with the full garbage bags by the front door. I want to do all the donating at one time. One fell swoop! But I am going to stay in bed with my iPad and wait for death...hahaha. No really...it will be a long while till my gut starts to feel better again. I hate feeling *green*. Like at any moment I could heave. I don't have to but I always just feel sick. I guess I will lose that 7lbs. 

  On a happy note, I am waiting for the delivery of a new phone. I am getting an iPhone. Not the newest but that is okay. I think it is a 5s 16gig, from virgin mobile. My phone is bipolar and getting ready to die. It was time. They have a deal on the phone plus you get $100 credit on your account to pay for your monthly service which is $35 a month.  So yeah. I am getting a new phone. Woot! Hubs is salty about it. He wants one too. I will surprise him with one on Fathers Day. This is kind of like my Mother's Day gift to myself. Cause you all know how that holiday pans out for me. :p

  So yeah. I am trying to decide if I call the gastro or just lay here in my jammies to wait for it to go away. 

I hope all is well with all of you. Have a great week!

I need some blueberries in my life

*239* <---home scale

 There is a revealed recipe this morning from the guy that was the Baker at the Jordan Marsh (remember that?) in Boston. I had to snag the recipe to share. It looks like a standard muffin recipe but he used to use half bread and half pastry flour. I have to get some supplies to give this a try.
Ingredients:
1/2 cup butter
2 cups flour (unsifted, blend of bread and pastry)
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 cup milk
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 1/2 cups blueberries
2 teaspoons sugar (for tops)
1 teaspoon vanilla
On low speed, cream butter with sugar until fluffy. Add eggs one at a time and mix until blended. Sift dry ingredients; add to eggs-and-butter mixture, alternating with milk. Mash 1/2 cup of berries and stir into mixture by hand. Add the rest of the berries whole and stir by hand. Grease muffin tins well with butter; grease the top surface of the pans as well. Pile mixture high in each muffin cup, and sprinkle the sugar over tops.

Bake at 375 degrees for 30 minutes.


Blogger tells me that I am a lonely bitch.  It looks like absolutely nobody reads here anymore so I either scared you all away or blogger screwed something up. I dont know how to even begin to figure it out. Eh. It isnt like I am not used to talking to myself anywho. And I have only one person that gives me feedback so if you are out there, I really do not know it.

  I am not feeling better but I am not feeling worse. That is a plus. Believe me. I am not feeling like a major sad sack today. You can put away the hotline numbers. I have depression and sometimes when TOOMUCH is going on, it will intensify. I am always depressed but I keep it on a even keel. The weather is starting to even out a bit which also helps With that comes allergies but that is part of living for some and I have my generic Zyrtec. I am just going at life one day at a time. I have to. I aint going no place voluntarily at this point. :)

  With that. I have to say that my new attitude lately has been for the good. I dont have to please anyone but myself (and the man). I have been just thinking of myself and saving money at it. I went out to get myself a iced tea. I would usually buy one for each of us. Instead, I bought two...for me. Yeah, that felt good. There was no guilt felt there at all. I had decided that this year was the beginning of it being about just me and the man. We are done raising our children. They are grown now whether they like it or not. The iced teas was a symbol. I am gonna do what I want for us. Freedom! But it is already April, and it had not happened yet. That is about to change.

   I have a list of things taped to the wall in front of me that I have to do. Taxes are at the top. Those will be done this Sunday while I cook. But there are other things. I did a really good job of thinning the herd in my closet. I had two bags full and I had two baskets to go through. Then I ran out of steam. Those two bags have to go to the donation center for Sunday morning. So I have to finish going through the rest of my clothes before then. I am hoping that today is that day! LOL

   Lu has actually been doing a smidge better. The 3rd pill has started to kick in. I am under no delusions that she will live to a ripe old age but if she can live past the summer, I would be happy with that.

  There was some good news this week. My Mammo ultrasound came back negative. Yay! I am slowly teaching Ruby to go out on her runner without me watching her. Yay! And some other good stuff that I aint gonna say cause I have to keep some shit to myself. Yay!

  Okay..gonna finish this coffee and clean the kitchen.

TGIF and I hope you have a sunny weekend.


  

 

High on blood sugar

Bridge closed for awhile cause of snow

*232* <---i think

 I bought a  new scale today because the old one shit the bed. Well, the scale at home and the scale at the Dr is different. My scale says I am fatter. I will ignore it for now. It is sad when one scale makes you happy and the other makes you frown. I am paying attention to how my clothes feel and they are still loose.
  This weekend I had a real revelation and a scare this morning. My pancreas must be having issues cause if I eat any bread, pasta, rice, or bad for yous..my blood sugar shoots to the moon. Like scary numbers for me. I woke up this morning still super tired. I took him to work (in the snow) and ate a bagel lightly buttered. I guess I should have checked my blood sugar first. It was almost 400! I have never ever EVER seen that number before. I took insulin and it is going down. I have to follow what the gastro says and stop veering. I need to follow what the neuro says and stop veering.
Low carb, low sodium, no processed, no dairy, lots of fruits, vegs, legumes, and whole grains. It is so hard though. I sound like I am whining and I am. Your crazy body craves stuff. And when you are told that you shouldnt have it, it is like you now have to have it.
 I have said this before and I am rolling my own eyes at myself but I have to do this. I did eat a great lunch...crabcakes, avocado, and seaweed salad. I am going to try my damndest!

   Lu has to start taking another pill to stop the coughing. I do realize now that she doesnt have long on this Earth. She has been taking meds for 3 months now so she could have 3-9 more months left. I am trying to be grown and give her plenty of love for her days with us. That is all I am going to say about that.
  I have a TO DO list sitting on the wall in front of me. I have a bunch of stuff to do including our taxes. I was going to do it today but because of my blood sugar making me feel like shit, I choose to do it tomorrow instead. I have to mail a ebay and I am going to finish sorting thru my clothes for donation. That would be a good snow day activity!

Okay..I  need to get moving.
Have a great Monday!

Oh Spring!

*231*

  I am dealing with the return of hot flashes and fibro flare so I am not a happy or cognitive camper right now. I will try to be uber positive even though I feel shittay. We had pizza for dinner last night. I ate 3 pieces of mushroom from a small pizza, so not large slices. I am paying for it in many gut wrenching ways. But that is life, and I move on.

   Except for it being really cold, Spring is moving along nicely. I am going to wash all those pots and spray paint them. I was going to do it before Easter but we had that snow storm and lots of rain and wind. I have to catch a day with sunshine and no wind so I dont paint myself.

   This poor duck had lost all his paint and started to become waterlogged. I dried him out and spray painted him with Valspar gloss. I covered his eyes and spent a couple days doing it. He is now rain proof and a nice bright makeover for the quacker. I am trying repurpose what I have to save money. That is the plan anyway.

   I have been eating more veg since Monday. Easter was my last day of not following the cdiff rules eating. I have a fridge full of vegs and chicken. I will try my hardest to lose the 30lbs or at least 20 And to make my gut feel better. I have like a week of feeling great then I eat pizza and set myself back. I definitely have to stay away from grease and dairy.

  Lu is not doing well. Her heart meds were upped again. She has fluid around her heart.  She takes a diuretic and another pill. I wonder if she will survive this year. She is my love. I have never loved a animal as much as I love her. Because of her age, there is really nothing to fix it. I just love her and spoil her rotten while I still have her. She is 8 years old. We have had her for 6 years.

  Okay, I am done for now. I am cranky and I have a sink full of dishes waiting.
Have a great week!

Happy St Patty`s Day 2016

*231* <---guessing cause scale needs battery

  What a beautiful day it has been so far. I have been in slug mode for the past couple days for whatever reason. This morning I had to have a abdominal ultrasound and afterward, I just felt like doing stuff. I am being careful to not over do. I will know the results on Monday. He wants to look at my pancreas and the spot on my liver. I am just going to go with the flow.
 

black one done last year

  I have all the plastic pots, big and small out on the patio. They will be scrubbed and on a less windy day, they will all be spray painted in bright colors. I did a couple last year with Rustoleum spray paint and they look really good. I have a couple blues, green, and a fuchsia. I want to pick up a yellow and maybe a purple. They cost $3 a can. You can spruce up your old plastic stuff and it looks really good.
It will be a nice little project. They will all have herbs in them. The bigger ones will have cherry tomatoes. There are a couple more in front that I have to empty and bring out back.  What other colors should I do?

       I did not buy corned beef this year. I cannot eat it and why stink up the house unnecessarily. I have pork chops marinating with garlic, black pepper, and spices. I have some steak strips marinating for this recipe I am trying out today, Low sodium Chinese Pepper Steak. I will do some white rice in the cooker and make a corn bread in the cast iron. I have been very bad with my food choices lately in terms of my brain. I have been all about my fucked up gut and threw my brain off in the corner. She didnt like that. Today she gave me a real taste of last year. Oh boy did I figure it out quick. I have my group that I will be more active in. We have all been lax with our low sodium for our iih. Hopefully this recipe will be a keeper and I will find others. I will be purchasing a new charcoal grill end of this month so i will be able to have lots of healthy grilled things too. Mmmm

So life isnt great but I choose not to mope about it. I am going to keep myself busy. If I could only stay up in my room and clean it. I have clothes to donate. And the room has to be switched around. I want all this done before it gets hot. 
Baby steps though...
I hope you enjoy your day of Irish. Have a green beer for meh!

Carafate sucks!

*231*

   I have some good news for once. There are two very small nodules on my left lung. Very teeny weeny. I dont have to worry. Because I was a smoker, they will have to be scanned every year to make sure they have not grown. One down. I do the ultrasound mammo in two weeks. So yeah..this is a good thing.

    I have to take this pill called Carafate. It is a high dose antiacid pill that will help with healing the ulcerations in my stomach and small intestines. It is so bad ass that you can only take it for a short period of time. This pill sucks with side effects. It makes me dizzy and my gut actually hurts a little worse. Especially when I eat. The gastro aprn is gonna talk to the gastro to see what he says. She wants him to put me on a proton pump inhibitor but I cannot because of the cdiff. I am cluster fucked basically.

   It is absolutely gorgeous outside! It will rise to the 60s. I put on my first pair of size 16 capris in decades. Everytime I take the dogs out, I rake some more leaves, throw some more fallen branches, and corral some more petrified poop. GORGEOUS!

  I want to spray paint the rest of my big plastic pots so that I can have herbs growing on the back patio. I want to buy a nice used patio set with a big umbrella and a new charbroil charcoal grill. I want to spend time outside! The grill has to be in the side yard now. All grills have to be 10 feet from the house. I have a place to put it. It will be good. I cannot wait!

   After I drop the adult #1 off to work, I will make sauce for dinner. I have some italian sausages and I will do mini meatballs. I have a window open! It is Spring like and I love it. All I have to complete is our taxes. I have all the paperwork set up. I will do it on Sunday.

That is about it for today. Good news and a beautiful day. What more could you ask for, huh?

Summertime Summertime Summer Summer Summertime

*239*

  I will not complain about the temps or the humidity levels. I will complain about the barometric pressure though. It is making my heal time difficult. My head feels like it is in a vice grip when it rains. It is pretty awful. But the rest of the time, I have been feeling okay. Kid #2 and I have been walking almost every day. We are being healthy. I have a partner to changing our ways.
 I deal with something called Autophony. My internal noises are amplified in my left ear. Breathing, talking, and my heartbeat among others. Part of me worries about that but I will wait till I have my post op visit to see what the ear surgeon says. I did say from the beginning that this surgery may or may not completely heal the issue of weak spots in my skull. We shall have to see.

  But I am doing great considering  I had skull surgery two weeks ago. Our beds at the community garden are flourishing. All the lettuce is almost picked. We have about four heads left we will get tomorrow. I have a few tomatoes to cage and we will plant a squash in the empty space. I am very happy so far with the results.
 
This past week I went to the Habitat for Humanity ReStore just to poke around. I found a queen sized Iron bed complete (minus mattress and boxspring). Big head board and footboard! I am really excited. It was super cheap too. The man is going to pick it up this morning. I wont have that squeaky, dog scratched, old sleigh bed anymore. The bed of my dreams! Yeah!

I will take pictures of all when I get a chance. Especially the garden. It is looking so good!

I am feeling okay. I have a way to go to 100% and I will always have the brain disease or whatever is wrong in my skull but no worries.

Happy Saturday!