Easter is a-coming

*235*

  I am eating my breakfast as I type this up. Still feeling under the weather from whatever that virus was the hit me but it doesn't stop my gut from being hungry. I have got a smidge more then a month until my appointment with my GP and I have lost no weight. I am going to pull out all the stops starting yesterday. Keto all the way. I am not going to starve myself to lose weight though. Do not worry. I should have been doing this all along and I am a dummy (i say that to myself). I deserve to be told that I have to raise the amount of insulin that I take. Doesn't mean I will follow Doctors advice but I deserve to be told. He is gonna yell at me for not taking the Crestor. He and I both know I cannot take a statin. It gives me bad side effects. But I have high cholesterol. Part of me knows I should eat vegan but we all know that isnt going to happen. I do not like deprivation. I do not care if it will give me more years. I deprive myself every day of yummy foods and I cannot see myself not eating meats, eggs, and cheeses.  You see how well I am doing with losing weight for a Doctor`s visit is going.  Yes, I said I will not follow the Doctor`s orders when he raises my insulin. I am not walking around with super high blood sugars and I have lost damn near 65lbs in the past thousand years. I am going to just try to stay the fuck away from carbs and sugar. Stay away demons!

Saw the boob surgeon

   I had to reschedule my appointment because of a snow storm but I saw her that Friday after. She told me that she wanted to call me on the phone and explain what was found but she felt it would be better with visuals. Just the fact that she wanted to call me made me feel better but also made me go..oh boy.  She showed me the MRI of both breasts. The mass on the right is bright white and you can see the irregular margins. She said it could be a whole bunch of things. She rattled them all off and I do not remember. I said *or it could be cancer. * She said Yes but if it is, it is very very small. Then the other side is a big mass of non mass, 3cmX3cm. It could be a whole bunch of things from the most benign to ductal carcinoma. I am sitting here waiting for the hospital to call to set up appointment for a Ultrasound with possible biopsies. If they cannot see the things in question on ultrasound, I will have to have another MRI done and they will do the biopsies then. I do not want any biopsies at all. None. I hate them. They hurt me so much. Yeah. That is what is going on with me right now. Wondering if I have ticking time bombs in my breasts.

Trying....

  I am just trying to get by day to day. Money is extremely tight right now. I am hoping that it will get better. I am hoping that if I do have cancer, it does not need chemotherapy. Because I have my hustle and if I cannot do the hustle, we will be in serious trouble. I am trying to just get stuff done. There is so much to get done and there is only just me to do it. Yes, I know there are three other adults in this house but you all know my story. I do not have to repeat it to you. The things facing me at the moment....Install new Firestick. Taxes. New batch of kombucha. laundry. Mount clothes in my room. Bagging leaves and branches. Washing pots outside. Vacuuming. Wash the stairs. The list goes on and on. Oh, and I have to call Insurance cause that is all screwed up. But that can only happen after I drop my adult child off to work. Seriously..

April 1st


  I need to take the ham out of the freezer on Thursday. I have to go grocery shopping for all the food stuff for Easter dinner. We will have a veggie feast like years past. I will make a pot of mashed potatoes but I will not indulge. I will be happy with my meat and veggies. They want me to make lemon cupcakes with lemon cream cheese frosting. I will do it and it will be so hard not to eat one. OMG so hard. I did buy candy for baskets because I dont know why. I am trying really hard to stop doing things for them because they are grown assed people but then nostalgia hits and they bitch that they want a basket. Idk.

Ugh. I do not feel good. Feeling queasy over here. I also realize I have change to roll. We save our change, roll it (cause it is free), take it to the bank, and put it in savings. I probably only have about $50 but that is better then nothing.
I am going to go now. I am still in my jammies over here and I have to pick myself up and get some stuff done. yuck.
Have a good week and I will be back next week with some updates.

Busy life always

*233*


    If you are reading this before Valentines Day 2018, get thee to the local Rite Aid (if you have one). They have a long white box of Russel Stover Chocolates (1lb 10oz) for only $9.99. That is like two chocolate hearts in one! We always have a box of chocolate for the family. I almost wasnt going to buy it this year but then my traditional heart won out. So I ate chocolate and I spent money. I think I have a major soft spot for V day because Kid #1`s birthday is right afterward. We will be celebrating her day on Friday this year because she has plans on her actual day. I really need to get off my ass and look up a vegan cheesecake recipe. (writing down to add to my list.

Health Schmealth
  I was just off the phone with the hospital. They were asking me the barrage of bodily questions for my boob MRI next Monday. Do you have metal in your body? No. Do you have a pace maker? No. Etc etc. This is my 6 month scan. I have to do blood work this week for it because they will be doing an IV contrast. Can you all do me a favor? Can you send out good vibes for me? I am going to be having an MRI and a Mammo done on the same day. Let`s hope the find NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. My boobs just disappeared. I stopped taking the Methotrexate. The stomach pain which I think was an impending ulceration has subsided. It is still there but much much less. I think if I continued to take it, I would have had to take medication to treat it. I had to cancel my upper endoscopy. Hubby does not have PTO like he used to and we cannot afford to have him lose a day of work. I do not have anyone else to drive me (they all have to work every day too) and the place where I was going to have it done is way too far away to take an Uber. Yes, money over health. I never had to do that before. But I can not have that hit to the budget.  I am feeling better. But now the psoriasis and the back pain are creeping back. I wonder if I will be able to take anything at all.  We shall see.

Good job vibes

  Last Friday, I went to an early morning meeting at the local Easter Seals. It was a Business Advisory Committee meeting. I was the only job seeker (the other person cancelled). It was a meeting of sorts that had nothing to do with me at first. It was made up of my job counselor , her boss, and three women who work in HR in different companies. I was given good advice about my resume. And I was given an opportunity. I was offered to work for a large company that has a local headquarters. It would be a paid internship. I would get paid through Bureau of Rehab and the company would teach me all that I need to know about admin work. They would get an extra set of hands that they would not have to pay for. It would be full time and the internship will last for 6 months. There is no guarantee of being hired unless there is an opening and they want you. But the work can go on my resume and I will learn shit. And I can say that I really know this shit. This is exciting. I should know more this week.
 Yesterday, I sat with my coffee and re-did my resume. The issue with mine was that it was a skills based resume. There were no dates. They all said that they do not pay attention to those types of resumes. I told them that it has been 15 years since I officially worked. I figured most places would look at that and hire someone younger. Oh, they all said NO in unison. They would rather hire someone older because of the stability and drama free. They all agreed that my past years of volunteering should go to the top of my resume, job experience after. That is what I did. I sent it off to my job person so she can tweek it. There were some Word stuff that I could not figure out even after I googled them. Like how do you make a half space? I did what Google told me to do and it cut the words in half instead. It will take me some time to figure that kind of shit out.

Rain Rain Go Away

   I should be thankful it is just rain and not snow. I am completely dressed to take a walk. Sneakers are on. I was ready to go. Then the rain started. It is a sprinkle but I do not want to chance it. All I need to do is go out in that and make myself susceptible to the effin Flu. Accuweather SAYS the sun is supposed to come out. So far, I see no sun. I see clouds, dreary, and rain drops on the patio. Kid #2 and I took at walk at the beach last week. It was good. My stomach didn't protest too much. This past week has been so busy that I havent had time to think of the aches and pains. I helped her declutter her room. She was feeling low and it showed in her housekeeping. A cleaner bedroom always helps to lift your spirits a little bit.  Then I bottled up our first successful batch of Kombucha. We were gifted with one baby each from the two mothers. I have to start a new batch today for fermenting. It will get to the point where I will have to start giving scobys (that is what you call the Mother) away. Either that or throw them away. Someone suggesting composting. <---more on that later.  Mondays are always kind of busy for me. Lately I could probably say that about every day. I always wish for a lazy day but that day never comes. I guess I probably had enough lazy being so sick for all those years that my head had decided I am making up for time. Granted, I am not a healthy person by any means. I know that. I am not trying to fool myself. But I am better then I used to be. I have gained more energy with my years. I am taking full advantage until it is snatched away from me later on in life.  So I have dishes soaking in the sink and it looks like the rain has stopped. I will take that walk after this and do some much needed housework. Always much needed when I  tend to be the only one that does it.

City Garbage Stinks

  Our mayor has decided that when grant money is waved in front of his nose, he needs to use it. He is proposing a pay per bag system for our city. 60 cents per kitchen sized bag and $1 per big ass bag. They think that people will recycle more because of this. Ummm. No. This is a city. Small but a city nonetheless. There will be trash dumped everywhere. We will have rats and stink as far as the eye can see. There are people in this city that cannot even be bothered to get their drivers license and insurance. What makes them think people will recycle if they never have? Or people who are living in utter poverty..They are not going to spend $20 for a box of garbage bags. And of course, our taxes are not going to go down at all. This is like double taxation if you ask me.
 I recycle like a Motherfucker. Most people have one of those square recycle boxes. I have four. The garbage guys gifted me that many cause they know that I am a recycle queen. But even with all that recycling, we still have a full garbage bin every week. If I had to pay $1 a bag...that could be $3 a week. Sometimes more during the holiday season. I do not want to spend that on garbage bags. I have always toyed with the idea of composting. Buying one of those things that you spin to compost. I never bought one because I never figured I would need it. Yeah. I think we need it. You see, this is not just a proposal. They have the grant money and they aim to spend it. So this is going to happen. They do not care what any of the residents think. They will not put it up for a vote. They will say it is so and there is nothing we can do about it. 
  I would want to get one of these small gallon compost bins for the counter in the kitchen. I have a friend that uses one.  Then I want one of the tumbler bins. You can spin it to mix the compost. Something like this or maybe this. But I will shop around. I know nothing of these things so I really have to do my research. I know that I could just make a pile in the yard for free but I do not want to deal with raccoons and pissing off the neighbors from the stink. This is a better solution for me. Maybe I will find one that someone is giving away on Craiglist.


 That is it for this week. The dog is bugging me to go out and I should really get that walk in while the dishes are soaking. I hope you have a great week and do not eat too much chocolate!! (I am saying that to myself!)