I need some blueberries in my life

*239* <---home scale

 There is a revealed recipe this morning from the guy that was the Baker at the Jordan Marsh (remember that?) in Boston. I had to snag the recipe to share. It looks like a standard muffin recipe but he used to use half bread and half pastry flour. I have to get some supplies to give this a try.
Ingredients:
1/2 cup butter
2 cups flour (unsifted, blend of bread and pastry)
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 cup milk
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 1/2 cups blueberries
2 teaspoons sugar (for tops)
1 teaspoon vanilla
On low speed, cream butter with sugar until fluffy. Add eggs one at a time and mix until blended. Sift dry ingredients; add to eggs-and-butter mixture, alternating with milk. Mash 1/2 cup of berries and stir into mixture by hand. Add the rest of the berries whole and stir by hand. Grease muffin tins well with butter; grease the top surface of the pans as well. Pile mixture high in each muffin cup, and sprinkle the sugar over tops.

Bake at 375 degrees for 30 minutes.


Blogger tells me that I am a lonely bitch.  It looks like absolutely nobody reads here anymore so I either scared you all away or blogger screwed something up. I dont know how to even begin to figure it out. Eh. It isnt like I am not used to talking to myself anywho. And I have only one person that gives me feedback so if you are out there, I really do not know it.

  I am not feeling better but I am not feeling worse. That is a plus. Believe me. I am not feeling like a major sad sack today. You can put away the hotline numbers. I have depression and sometimes when TOOMUCH is going on, it will intensify. I am always depressed but I keep it on a even keel. The weather is starting to even out a bit which also helps With that comes allergies but that is part of living for some and I have my generic Zyrtec. I am just going at life one day at a time. I have to. I aint going no place voluntarily at this point. :)

  With that. I have to say that my new attitude lately has been for the good. I dont have to please anyone but myself (and the man). I have been just thinking of myself and saving money at it. I went out to get myself a iced tea. I would usually buy one for each of us. Instead, I bought two...for me. Yeah, that felt good. There was no guilt felt there at all. I had decided that this year was the beginning of it being about just me and the man. We are done raising our children. They are grown now whether they like it or not. The iced teas was a symbol. I am gonna do what I want for us. Freedom! But it is already April, and it had not happened yet. That is about to change.

   I have a list of things taped to the wall in front of me that I have to do. Taxes are at the top. Those will be done this Sunday while I cook. But there are other things. I did a really good job of thinning the herd in my closet. I had two bags full and I had two baskets to go through. Then I ran out of steam. Those two bags have to go to the donation center for Sunday morning. So I have to finish going through the rest of my clothes before then. I am hoping that today is that day! LOL

   Lu has actually been doing a smidge better. The 3rd pill has started to kick in. I am under no delusions that she will live to a ripe old age but if she can live past the summer, I would be happy with that.

  There was some good news this week. My Mammo ultrasound came back negative. Yay! I am slowly teaching Ruby to go out on her runner without me watching her. Yay! And some other good stuff that I aint gonna say cause I have to keep some shit to myself. Yay!

  Okay..gonna finish this coffee and clean the kitchen.

TGIF and I hope you have a sunny weekend.


  

 

Allergist is an ass

*242* <----oh yeah. That is the ticket


   Okay. this humidity has got to go. My house is a sticky mess. It is too too humid to do life stuff. I just sit around and stare at it all. Partly cause of my health, partly cause it is so juicy. Thank goodness I gave up smoking (2007) otherwise I would be screwed. Hopefully there will be a break this weekend. *pray*

   I saw the allergist yesterday. He is a jerk and that is probably why I stopped going. He cut me off, didnt explain shit, made me feel stupid for questioning why my allergies have gotten worse, and he was smug. I got what I wanted though. I have a script for a epipen, he told me to up my zyrtec to two a day (am and pm) and that is about it. I guess I will be going to new york.  
***taking sip of water..profusely sweating*** I had to stop mid post to bring the man his lunch. I came home and started working on the dusticles. I totally forgot I had you all hanging in limbo. Taking a sweat lodge break over here till I get back at it. 

    Anyway, I, myself, personally have a referral to the Rheumy too. They haven't called to schedule but if they dont call today, I will call them Friday.  Tomorrow I see the ear surgeon for my 3 month post op check and talk about my symptoms. I have a list of things to tell and hope he has some answers. I have good days and bad days. Today is good. I am moving..I am grooving. Two days ago was really bad. It scared me a little how bad I felt. I had to just lay down in the dark to wait for it to pass. I was dizzy and felt not right. But it went away so I have to just learn to dial down even more. I hate that. I barely do stuff like a normal person as it is.  The heat is sapping me dry. But the Fall is coming. I cannot wait. 

   Kid #1 is looking at apartments with two friends that will be room mates. They are hoping to move in for September. I am very happy that she is launching and a tad sad too. It will be a big change. We have not decided what we do with her room yet. It will not be storage. I hate that. I hate seeing a perfectly good room turned into storage. It could be a craft room, a tv room, a guest room, or just about anything but a storage room. The walls are red. That will have to change.

  Okay, I am done for now. It is too hot to think. I will sit here and puddle till the laundry tells me to get up.

Damn fine cup of coffee

*245*


 Once a month, I buy a can of the Cafe Du Monde regular coffee and chicory coffee. I buy it locally so it does cost a bit more. I think I will just buy a few in the mail, cut out the middle man and save myself $5. I could buy a case this month because there is an extra payday. I could stretch those out for only twice a month and I would be set for a year. It would save me a chunk. I will think about it.
 This coffee will grow hair on your chest! It is sooo good!

It is gonna be a sweaty one today. I watered all the plants inside and out. I have a few tomato buds showing. It is sad that I have so little to show for this year. I am giving tomatoes away at this time. Oh well. Took care of the fur babies. I always make sure they get out, do their stuff, come in, eat, drink and have ample areas to lay to keep cool.    And tossed laundry down the stairs. This is my inside day. I will wash all the bed linens, curtains from the living room and any stray rag laying around. If I do that plus get the livingroom tidy, I will have accomplished alot. I think I will probably make something simple like spaghetti for dinner <---no oven needed. Toss a salad and we are good!
    I have that one wall to paint in the room. Gotta get to it soon. Probably today.... I was hoping to lose 5 lbs in flop sweat anyway.The kid comes home in a week. I have to go out to purchase her a mattress and box spring and a bed pillow. She will be all set. I found out from her that she will be leaving at the end of the year. She is moving in with a room mate. Her long time friend. She knows she is ready and she can do this. I am very happy for her and for us. So painting her room is a formality. Just showing her that I care..even though she wont be there very long. The boy will not get the room. Umm nope. We want to delete people in our house. One down, two to go. This summer has been so great. Less money has been spent. We got rid of cable. We are tossing stuff. It feels liberating!

 I have finished my 2nd cup. I have another post to make and then I am off to sweat my ass off.
 

The Change

*244*<----For reals!

  It is going to be a hot one tomorrow so I want to get much done today before then. It is just after 8am. I have watered outside plants, planted cucumbers, picked a couple strawberries, made coffee and consumed one cup so far. I have so many things to do but I think I will concentrate on cleaning the kitchen, getting Portuguese soup going in crock pot, bake the chocolate bundt cake I promised for FD, clean the downstairs bathroom (yuck), and work on sorting through all the shit here in the dining room. I would love to own a pretty round dining set with four chairs. I am tired of how crowded it still is in here. Everything in time.

  I have some changes going on in my life. My oldest has flown the coop and it is looking like when she comes back, it will be temporary. The youngest is working, making that green. Eventually we might have a empty nest.

  I am going through some changes too. I am in the thick of perimenopause. I didn't get my period. 12 days late so far. I was wickedly bitchy but that went away. So I am thinking it aint coming this time around. It is weird. I thought I would be happy like I joked for years but part of me doesn't like that it didn't come. I really have to make a appointment with a new gyno. I just keep putting it off.

  The other thing that has changed is my energy levels and cognitive, which I have talked about before here. Why I mention that is because I think I want to try to go back to work. Full time work. Making a living wage. Partly because we need the money. Partly because I feel I can do it and at least want to try. I am afraid nobody will hire me. I am 45 and have not worked in 12 years. I have a large gap that would be in my resume. How do I explain that? You tell them you were on disability and your resume would go in the shredder. I cannot work corporate retail at all. My right hip is a issue where I have to be able to sit down periodically so that I am not in immense pain. Baby steps, though. I have to get some therapy first to prepare myself for this. Then the next step is to talk to Social Security about it cause they have a back to work program. After that, I dont know. It has been 12 years. Almost 20 years since I interviewed. I would know where to look.




  I feel like that I could really do this. I just have to dip my toe in. This could be a second chance at earning a living. That would be very exciting.
As for my diabeetus, it is what it is. Some days are good. Some days arent. I am doing well with the low carb eating.  I havent gone extreme yet cause I have to wait for money to buy all my supplies at the end of the month. I have lost weight so that accounts for something!
 

Low carb for Life?

*250*

  I already had a long post and it deleted. Grrrr! Let`s try this again.

  I saw the Gastro yesterday. I have not seen him in awhile plus I have a feeling of food stuck in my chest area. We are going to do an upper endoscopy next week just to be safe plus it is time to have it done anyway. I am not worried. It is probably just my GERD acting up. But after talking with him, I realize I really need to stop fooling myself. I have to eat low carb/low fat and my body will feel better. My gums have been bothering me and I know it is because of my wild blood sugars. If you keep your sugars in normal range, you can halt periodontal disease. I have been eating wrong and I suffer for it. I started last night with dinner. Today`s breakfast was eggs with cheese. I have to wait till payday to buy more food that I can eat. I will not make a big production about all the foods that I lost. I will just do it because it will make my life last longer plus I will be happier.

  Kid #1 leaves in two days for her internship. Flying to her destination. She will be back in mid August. We will take this time to clean out her room, paint the walls, shampoo the carpet, and get it all refreshed. She will be coming back. But there will be new rules in place for them all. Rent will be paid and they will all help out in the house. I know I know. Sounding like a broken record but this record is getting pissy. Leave it up to my menopause maybe.  I am tired of the clutter, the mess, and I cannot do it all by myself. I will clean the kitchen today and tomorrow it is a mess. I never get to the deep down dirty cause I am too busy with maintaining. I ask for help. They say yeah yeah yeah but then it never gets done. We shall see how this summer pans out. I just has too. I am tired of it all.

  Rainy and humid. I wont do yard work today cause I am not in the mood to be a mosquito's meal. The kid has some last minute shopping to do before her trip so I will take her out to do that. I will leave a list of things that need to be done and see if Frick and Frack will do them. I am going to be positive.

Early Morning Garden Session

*250*
 
   I had a really good morning. I was up at 530am cause the Man works 1st shift now. I had my coffee and started out in the yard. I pulled a whole bunch of Maple tree babies. I spied some poison ivy I need to buy spray for and I cleaned out the bed next to the side of the house. Friday I will be picking up some veggie plants and compost so I wanted the area to be ready. There is so much to do but I cannot do it all. I try to compartmentalize the yard into small victories.
   The picture is a unexpected one. I went to the top yard to pull a big maple baby. After I was done, I saw this. It took me a bit to realize exactly what it was. Last year I was sold ,really cheaply, three Astilbe plants. It was in the heat of the summer. Two of them had died before I could plant them. In the Fall as I was cleaning up, I took those two plants out of their pots and threw them up top cause they were dead. We had a cold ass winter. Guess what was not dead? I trimmed it, loosened the root ball and planted it right away. It is right by the top of the staircase to the top yard. I also cleaned all the weeds around those stairs plus swept and hosed all the dirt off. Looks good. I accomplished some shit. I have to finish dishes before he gets home but I really did get some stuff done and I feel good about it.

  As for everything else that has been going on. My health is the same. My throat still hurts but I will do what I am told at this point and wait for August for my appointment. Kid #1 leaves in a couple weeks for her internship for the summer. Kid #2 has already moved some of her stuff over to her friends house so that will be happening soon. We will have a empty nest for the summer. We will have alot of ideas. Doors to rooms will stay open. The girls loved to keep them closed so there was never any air flow going on. I will paint rooms. We will be a couple again. And rules will be made for when and or if they come back.

Money is tight but it will get better. They wont be here for the added expense. Plus when they come back, they will have to contribute if they want to stay. Actually cashola. I will not accept love as payment. I have not gotten rid of cable yet but I will be going to the gym on Friday to close out our accounts. It will cost me $100 total to do that but in the long run, it will save me about $200 by the end of the contract. It will get better because I have to make it better.

  Tilapia with country potatoes for dinner. I would love to have a nap but that isnt gonna happen. I hope you are having a beautiful Spring day!

More coffee is an option

Dinner Delights!

*248*
 
      Just to let you know, I have had to get up super early the past few days. I am about to get my 2nd cup of Joe as I type....... The coil broke on the Nissan. It is getting fixed this week but in the mean time, I have been driving the man to his new first shift job...the alarm goes off at 530am. <-----I call bullshit! LOL
   He loves the job. He is around all guys, he is moving, getting exercise, and the day ends early. We are losing an extreme amount of money because of the job change. We will figure it out and survive as best we can. He can try to transfer to another job in six months. I am so glad that he is happy at his job. I am just sad that it is not more money.
   I will have to bring back my frugal skills of yore. I cried for a bit but I am better now. I have to start trimming the fat.   I think cable tv is a goner for us. I will keep internet but cannot afford the cable. There is alot to take in. I learned I can turn the furnace off to save oil. We can switch it on when showers and dishes need to be done.
 So much has gone on. Kid #1 is leaving in June for Cali for a internship for a couple months. Kid #2 is spreading her wings and moving in with friends temporarily until the Fall or sooner. She will be within walking distance. Unofficial Kid #3 has not said anything. He has no place to go. I am hoping if he stays here, he will give us some rent plus help around the house. Otherwise, he will need to go too. But that is just talk right now. I could actually be a empty nester this summer! Like a test to see if I can handle it. Challenge accepted.

  Yesterday I had my MRI on my neck. I was given a pill called Serax which is actually a benzo. I had a mild case of hives from it. It was determined I was okay so we proceeded with the scan. I was loopy, they made me comfy with pillows, headphones (music), and warm wash cloth over my eyes. I could have fell asleep in that thing if it wasnt for the noise. I have a disc to give to my neuro. It is too early now but I will call later to make a follow up appt to see what is up.

  My treat for my shitty couple of weeks is a lobster. They were on sale for $4.99 per lb. I got one that was slightly over 3 lbs. It was boiled last night. It is in my fridge awaiting my ideas for it. I could just be carnal...slightly heat it and eat it with butter. Or I could make a nice cold salad. Or something else..I have not decided. I know I just said I have to cut back on the budget but for this one time, I decided that I wanted this for ME and all the things I cried over this past week. A decadent food that doesnt require insulin! SCORE!

What do you do with an Empty Nest?

*265*

  I am such a brain spaz most of the time that I do not remember if I told you about the kid number 1`s plans to move away this September. And I am not going to search to see if I have...so I will just repeat myself.
   Kid number 1 is moving away with her friend in September. They have two choices to live..an area near the Pacific or closer to home but long traveling distance. They have not made up their mind yet. My hope is they choose closer to home but that is not my decision to make. She is 24 years old and so is her friend. I have come to terms with her fleeing the nest and I am okay with that. I love that child but she is a clutter bug. I cannot wait to declutter!
  I thought we would start working on the house in a couple months and I would have some time to spend with Kid number 2. I have been thrown a curve ball. Kid number two is talking about moving away to work and live on her beau`s family retreat that they run year round. It is also close to home but a far away travel distance.  They will basically be in the same vicinity if it works out correct. She has not said when this is going to happen but I feel that it could happen before the summer is over. She would have room and board and get paid to work there. She could have a closer relationship with her beau and see how their relationship blossoms. Plus she will have the added benefit of having his family around so she is wont have to deal with the unknown completely on her own. I am okay with this. I was always okay with something like this happening. This is what happens.Your children grow up and leave.
I just did not know that it was going to happen all together.

My nest will be empty! Ahhh!

   What the hell am I going to do?  Okay okay...first and foremost, I have hubby here. That is a plus. I will not be completely alone.  He works full time so there will be a lot of time where I am all alone. That is what I am worried about. What do I do all by myself? I can re-do the entire house one room at a time. We will have a ton of extra money every month. No more spending $500 or more a month on groceries. Less electricity and water. This is a good thing! Redecorating a house from top to bottom will take time. Used furniture can be repurposed and redone. This would be a dream of mine to do. I could get this house looking the way that hubby and I want it to be.  I do not want my house to still be a fixer upper.

  But I am a wee bit freaked that they could both leave around the same time. I may need some counsel and some hugs for awhile.  Then I will realize that Hubby and I get the house to ourselves....until someone needs to come back home.

I hope I get most of the improvements done before then!