One week later

one of four types of hosta in my yard

*230*

  I am here. I am alive. I assume you know that because I am still posting on IG. Today is one week since my breast cancer surgery. I had a bilateral (both breasts) lumpectomy to remove cancer on right and radial scar on the left. The surgeon only removed one lymph node which is amazingly good. Really good. Means no spread there. I have to wait 3 weeks for the results of my Oncotype test. Lets pray for a very very very low score. We dont want no chemo over here. I see my surgeon on Thursday for post op. I see my onco end of the month. I start radiation after I am healed in 6 weeks. So we are looking at the end of June. Then I do that for 5 and 1/2 weeks. That carries me to the first week of August. Then I will start the hormone blocker meds after that...five years of that bitch. Hopefully the symptoms wont be too bad for me. I am going to stay positive.

   I am healing very well. The steristrip on my armpit came off in my sleep last night. It was hanging by a thread. I trimmed it. No pulling off. It has to come off on it`s own or the surgeon will do it. The areas are so itchy but I just smack them and tell them to shut up. Literally just smack them like a tattoo. My honest opinion, lumpectomy surgery is a piece of cake in the surgery side of things. I took Tylenol for the first 2 days and then I was fine. If you are ever faced with this type of surgery, just know that it is not horrible pain wise and healing is super easy.

    I had to keep it easy last week but I did get some gardening done before surgery. The garden bed on the side of the house is filled. Kale, beets, cauliflower (a first for me), swiss chard, and lettuce. It is doing very well. I have three big pots filled with radish babies and I have three pots with a basil plant in each. Still too cold here to break out the tomato plants. I do not have a bed in the front done yet so I think I will do a couple cherry tomato plants in pots and call it a day. I also have my trusty pot of chives. She comes up every year. I did not renew my membership to the community garden and decided to just stay home this year. I am going to do some shade veggies and hopefully I will have garden beds built in the front by the Fall! Dammit! LOL..I did talk to a friend of Hubs. He will do it for me. I just want two 4-6 foot long ones and that is all. I will be happy.

  Yesterday was the last day of Breast Cancer Bingefest 2018. I had been basically eating whatever I wanted but not overeating, mind you. Gluten, sugar, rice, and just general crap. My skin tells the tale of my treachery. I realized a couple months ago that when I do not eat gluten, my skin clears up without any help from steroid cream or medications. Patient heal thyself. I had the last yummers last week and I am going to slowly fight the carb and sugar cravings while I get back into low carb. Last night I had chicken cacciatore with mozz cheese over yam noodles. Today, I do not know what I am going to make. Something with hamburger probably. Maybe just actual burgers on the grill with a salad. No bun needed. Put an egg on top of the burger.

  That is about it for me this morning. I have to get moving. I have let moss grow on my butt too long. I have to keep myself busy. Have a great week and I will talk to you later!

Easter is a-coming

*235*

  I am eating my breakfast as I type this up. Still feeling under the weather from whatever that virus was the hit me but it doesn't stop my gut from being hungry. I have got a smidge more then a month until my appointment with my GP and I have lost no weight. I am going to pull out all the stops starting yesterday. Keto all the way. I am not going to starve myself to lose weight though. Do not worry. I should have been doing this all along and I am a dummy (i say that to myself). I deserve to be told that I have to raise the amount of insulin that I take. Doesn't mean I will follow Doctors advice but I deserve to be told. He is gonna yell at me for not taking the Crestor. He and I both know I cannot take a statin. It gives me bad side effects. But I have high cholesterol. Part of me knows I should eat vegan but we all know that isnt going to happen. I do not like deprivation. I do not care if it will give me more years. I deprive myself every day of yummy foods and I cannot see myself not eating meats, eggs, and cheeses.  You see how well I am doing with losing weight for a Doctor`s visit is going.  Yes, I said I will not follow the Doctor`s orders when he raises my insulin. I am not walking around with super high blood sugars and I have lost damn near 65lbs in the past thousand years. I am going to just try to stay the fuck away from carbs and sugar. Stay away demons!

Saw the boob surgeon

   I had to reschedule my appointment because of a snow storm but I saw her that Friday after. She told me that she wanted to call me on the phone and explain what was found but she felt it would be better with visuals. Just the fact that she wanted to call me made me feel better but also made me go..oh boy.  She showed me the MRI of both breasts. The mass on the right is bright white and you can see the irregular margins. She said it could be a whole bunch of things. She rattled them all off and I do not remember. I said *or it could be cancer. * She said Yes but if it is, it is very very small. Then the other side is a big mass of non mass, 3cmX3cm. It could be a whole bunch of things from the most benign to ductal carcinoma. I am sitting here waiting for the hospital to call to set up appointment for a Ultrasound with possible biopsies. If they cannot see the things in question on ultrasound, I will have to have another MRI done and they will do the biopsies then. I do not want any biopsies at all. None. I hate them. They hurt me so much. Yeah. That is what is going on with me right now. Wondering if I have ticking time bombs in my breasts.

Trying....

  I am just trying to get by day to day. Money is extremely tight right now. I am hoping that it will get better. I am hoping that if I do have cancer, it does not need chemotherapy. Because I have my hustle and if I cannot do the hustle, we will be in serious trouble. I am trying to just get stuff done. There is so much to get done and there is only just me to do it. Yes, I know there are three other adults in this house but you all know my story. I do not have to repeat it to you. The things facing me at the moment....Install new Firestick. Taxes. New batch of kombucha. laundry. Mount clothes in my room. Bagging leaves and branches. Washing pots outside. Vacuuming. Wash the stairs. The list goes on and on. Oh, and I have to call Insurance cause that is all screwed up. But that can only happen after I drop my adult child off to work. Seriously..

April 1st


  I need to take the ham out of the freezer on Thursday. I have to go grocery shopping for all the food stuff for Easter dinner. We will have a veggie feast like years past. I will make a pot of mashed potatoes but I will not indulge. I will be happy with my meat and veggies. They want me to make lemon cupcakes with lemon cream cheese frosting. I will do it and it will be so hard not to eat one. OMG so hard. I did buy candy for baskets because I dont know why. I am trying really hard to stop doing things for them because they are grown assed people but then nostalgia hits and they bitch that they want a basket. Idk.

Ugh. I do not feel good. Feeling queasy over here. I also realize I have change to roll. We save our change, roll it (cause it is free), take it to the bank, and put it in savings. I probably only have about $50 but that is better then nothing.
I am going to go now. I am still in my jammies over here and I have to pick myself up and get some stuff done. yuck.
Have a good week and I will be back next week with some updates.

May 1, 2018

*238*


     103 days from today till May 1, 2018.

   That is how much time I have to lose at least 10lbs and lower my A1c to a normal level. I had been lollygagging about this for two months. I shake my head at myself. Yes, this is an unscheduled blog post. I had to talk about it to you to just get it out there in the universe.

  Since December, I did lose the 10lbs that I gained but I need to lose at LEAST 10lbs more. I will tell you why.  When I saw my Endo last time in December, we discussed how I had to change my eating seriously because of all the autoimmune stuff going on. He gave me till my next appointment to lose at least 10lbs and show a vast improvement in my blood sugars. He wants to be shocked. He even noted it in my file. If I did not show any improvement, I would have to agree to raising my insulin levels. Now. If anyone has been paying attention, if I raise my insulin levels, I will gain more weight for sure. At that appointment, I weight 250 something. Right now I weigh 236-237-238. I have lost 10lbs but my A1c will show I have still be eating shittily. Why am I talking about this now? I looked on the calendar yesterday and saw that I had my appt with him on February 12! That is not enough time to change more. So I called to change it. Unfortunately, they are a very popular office. They said I would have to wait till May 1st for my next appointment. I jumped at it! I am just prolonging my 3 month diabetes check. I go to them religiously. So for me to extend it beyond this time, is not a bad thing. If anything came up between now and then, they would bring me in on a sick check.

  This is my declaration to myself.  Girl, you need to do all that have learned. Now is the time. Get off your ass and DO IT!

1 Walk every morning with a few exceptions. Temps in the single digits, icy or snowing, big rain storms, and temps above 85 and humidity. The last ones I can walk at the Mall.

2. Eat 20g or less of carbohydrates a day. Eat high fat and moderate protein.

3. Take your supplements. All of them. Not just the Vit D and B-12.

4. Drink more water.

5. If I am hungry, eat more fat.

6. Stick with it. You quit smoking for Christ`s Sake. You can quit carbs and sugar!

I am also going to follow the Histamine protocol for my autoimmunes but I am not going to stress myself over it. I already know that wheat is a major issue. Since I have basically cut it out of my life except for a couple slips..my psoriasis has been clearing up.

Now. You may have seen the picture in my IG with me holding Keiko. I am able to wear a size 16 very well. Some of them are actually too loose. But I am not ready for size 14 yet. But I still look like a fatty mcbutter pants. That is because I am 5`4'. I am supposed to be in the lower 100s. We all know that will probably never happen. Plus, I would suffer greatly with all the excess skin. But I am not going to think about that right now.
I need to walk in the mornings because right now, that is where my energy lies. That window has passed today. The weather for tomorrow is mostly sunny the high will be 35 deg F but it will be colder in the morning. That is okay weather. Tomorrow I am going to put on my leggings and my sneakers and I am going to walk to 2 miles up the hill and around.

  I am going to be dealing with mega Keto Flu. We have Christmas chocolate that was bought at 75% off. I have to use all my resolve in life to stay away. STAY AWAY! I can do this. See, the more fat adapted you become, the less you want all that stuff you stopped eating. I just have to get over that hump....again.

  Time to get moving. I have to drive people places because I am the family chauffeur. and I have to decide what is for dinner. Something in the Gowise pot for sure. Just do not know what yet.  Have a good rest of your week and I will be back!

MLK Day doings and goings

*236* <---weighed on scale at Vet office. 


   I do not know how long this post will be cause I am in some amount of pain this morning and sitting still is not an option. I blame it on over doing it this weekend and the weather. This too shall pass. Look at me! Three weeks in a row. I am getting some kind of blogger momentum going, huh?  I and the man have to leave here in a few so I will be semi brief..maybe. We shall see how fast my fingers can fly.

  I wanted to first share a recipe with you. Last night, Kid #2 made Indian Butter Chicken in the pressure cooker. I went to the co-op to get garam masala because we did not have any more.  OMG this was soooooo good. She used coconut milk instead of regular milk. There was the butter in there but it was not enough to hurt my stomach. I had this nestled over a bed of salad. Now, this is a Instant Pot/Pressure cooker recipe. But I bet you that you can figure out how to make it if you do not have a pressure cooker. If you like Indian food, this is one is a keeper. This website shows all types of Indian recipes. I think I may have to make a trip across the bridge to replenish our spice stocks at the local Raj cash and carry.  Soooo gooooddddd!

I said so good twice so that means something.

  The job hunt for me has been slow and not so slow. I have been putting in my cover letters and resumes to many many job listings. My job counselor has been doing the same. I have not heard a peep from any of them. She told me that this time of year is hard to get a job. And when jobs come up, hundreds of people apply. I guess I have to be patient. But it is hard. I know I am doing everything correct. I am working on my skills at home with the internets help. Just have to be patient and send out those positive vibes I guess. I just want a little office job. I just want someone to give this old lady a chance.

   I had a long conversation with some people in the AIP community. I found a place that is actually nice and helpful. I was told that I might have histamine intolerance. This might be the answer to my itching. And alot of my other issues. Even my low blood pressure. It was like a lightbulb clicked on in my head. Eureka! I have found my answer to my problems. It is a really sucky outcome but I can work with it if it is going to make me feel better. They said that when I take a zyrtec, and it helps, that is histamine. It is in the foods that I eat. Now I cannot possibly do Keto, AIP, and Histamine protocol. That would be ridiculous. I can eat low carb and work on the eating lower histamine foods. You treat all the histamine foods like you do with the AIP diet. You eliminate them all, you wait a couple weeks, and you reintroduce them one at a time. The ones that give you a reaction are out, the rest can stay back in.  I have to type something up and print it out so that I can stick it on the fridge. There are alot of no no foods for me at this time. But I am tired of feeling like shit all the time.

  I have not been completely keto either. I dont feel like a failure about it though. I just have to try every day to get it right. Yesterday was actually pretty good. Except for the 4 hershey kisses that I ate in the evening. When you have three other adults in the house, you cannot really dictate what foods come in. I am not a dictator. I just have to not eat those things. What I need to do is eat more fat during the day. Then I wont be apt to fuck up in the evening time. Today is a clean slate.

  Okay. I think that is all I can do for now. I have been sneezing up a storm the whole time I have been typing this. I hope to GAWD that coffee isnt a histamine food.....*looking*..... I do not see coffee on this list or the last three I scanned. Probably something else.  I heard that dealing with HI is a major pain in the ass and it is a life long struggle.
Again...I need to get going over here. I hope you all have a lovely and productive week. I am going to do some more sorting of the ebay pile behind me. We are up for some snow either Tuesday or Wednesday. Hopefully it is not alot because that foot of snow we had is all gone now from the warm up last week.
I will see you next Monday.

Praise! It is 30 deg F!

*230-something* <---i have not stepped on a scale in a week or two so I really do not know. 


      We survived the Bombogenesis. Our little neck of CT received a generously heaping spoonful of snow. It was about a foot with nice snow drifts. The temps have been rock bottom too. Not been fun for my skin, I can tell you right now. I have been coconut oiling myself every day to combat the psoriasis and the old lady crepe from the heat being on constantly. Today is going to be in the 30s and by the middle of the week it will be close to 50. Be gone you evil snow.

   Today I have stuffs to do but I feel a little shitty so I will be going slowly while doing them. I think my head is a little fucked because of the barometer and we are supposed to get a little snow this evening. So if I can get out of my pjs, that will be a major accomplishment. One of the things we have to do today is our DNA. Hubs and I have two 23andme DNA kits aka the government has got your ass now kits. You have to not drink or eat anything for 30 minutes and then you spit in the tube and send them off. We get to see where we came from. I have always known that I am Polish, Italian, Swedish, and Norwegian. Now could my Polish grandmother have had some Jewish ancestry that we do not know about? I guess I will find that out in a few weeks. The girls at first were a little miffed because they did not get kits. Why should you both get kits when you have the same DNA? We, as your parents, can do it and you will get the same answer. *eye roll* I will share those results when they come in.

  My lofty plans of walking have been curtailed by the weather. My plan is to get out there tomorrow morning if it is not icy from the storm and I feel okay in the head. I have been fairly active the past few months so it isnt that I have to start slow or anything. I just did not want to freeze my tookas off. See, I could go to the Mall to walk but then I end up shopping instead. I could get a gym membership but you all remember how I paid for two years and never went once. Walking the hills of my neighborhood is the safer bet for me. My house is way too small for any exercise equipment. We tried when we bought a cheapo elliptical at Salvation Army. It worked great and it was a folding one. That shit sat in the corner. Got unfolded a couple times. Sat next to the tv set, mocking me because I never used it or even dusted it.  I have a couple walking routes that I have used in the past. I just have to get dressed and do it.

  Yo. The pressure cooker is the best thing ever. Myself and #2 have made about 6-7 meals in it so far since Christmas. I went out to Target and bought a rack to put it on. It has it`s own area by the kitchen window with it`s own plug. No need to move it off and on the counters. We have very limited counter space. We have a galley kitchen. Only room for 1-2 butts at a time. Anyway...the pressure cooker is really good. I made fork tender pulled pork in 1 hour and 30 minutes. What! And it tasted like it was cooking for hours. We cooked chili, a few soups, pulled pork, a chicken dish, hamburger dish, and all were good. You can find many recipes online for using the electric pressure cooker. I still say, if you do not have one..beg borrow or plead to get one.

   I had a revelation last week after posting here. I am not doing AIP and Keto. When I try to eat that way, I do not eat at all. I practically starving and I am not being literal. It is so hard to keep your blood sugars low but also stick to the strict Auto immune way of eating. You just cannot do it. Unless you have unlimited grocery resources and/or you have someone to cook for you. I just couldnt do it.  I have decided and started to eat keto but I am not going to eat certain foods like nuts and peanuts. I will eliminate all nightshades except tomatoes because they are life. And I am going to eat limited dairy. Sometimes I need it in a pinch if I am hungry but I will not seek it out and especially in large amounts. Back on track. Keto for me is the smart solution to alot of my medical problems.

  I had a birthday. Saturday I turned 49 years old. It was a good day. Of course it was not keto complaint but that was my last food thing until October comes around again. Hoping I am thin as a reed and have a stronger constitution by the time it is Halloween. We have a couple more birthdays coming up but I can say no to cake. I had my slice...okay two slices. It was Red Velvet and I was not gonna say no. Someone that is way young was shocked when he saw my FB post about turning 49. He said WTF! I thought you were 32!
He either does not know how to determine someones age or he needs a new eyeglass prescription. But I will take the compliment as the best present ever.

  Okay. I need to get going. I have to be a taxi today and I have to get out of this feeling like crap mode. I hope you have a wonderful week and I will see you on the next.

A new year to conquer

*237* <----I gained but I got it back down to this

  I have a feeling you have all disappeared because of my blogging hiatus. I really wasnt planning on coming back at all. Life got away from me and this was not something I had time for. I mean, theoretically, if I did want to do it, I would find time to. But I just did not. If you had been waiting for me to come back, I am sorry.

    You still know I am alive because my IG is attached and you can see my postings. You can also see that Keiko is a BIG girl. She is my sweet little muffin baby. She is not nice to everyone else but me. And that is how it should be. We lost Perla last month (the chihuahua). Vet thinks it was an bad intestinal infection. It came on quickly and took her without her having to go through any trauma going to the vet. Ruby is the lone dog now. We have put her on a diet and she is liking her single status. But we make sure not to say Perla`s name. She looks around for her if we do.

  About 2 months ago, I started a new way of eating challenge. Because of my diagnosis of Psoriatic Arthritis, I wanted to try not to take any strong medications for it. I was given the idea that I should eat AIP (autoimmune protocol) and Keto (because of my blood sugars). These two styles of eating for health come together as a very harsh harsh way of eating. HARSH! I had fallen off the keto wagon and gained about 20lbs. It was all stress related to health stuff. It was time and with a good talking to, I embarked into the AIP/KETO. I did not fully immerse myself into fat, and I was hungry all the time. I decided to give myself the Christmas holidays to indulge (but not over indulge) and pick back up on it for January. And here I am. AIP?KETO consists of avoiding grains, gluten, nightshades, nuts, seeds, bad for you oils, all fruits but berries occasionally, dairy, eggs, rice, high carb veggies, coffee, and sugar. I have been drinking tea in place of coffee and it has been okay. I have a nice strong English Breakfast that gives me the caffeine I need to get through life. 

  I do not want to get into my health woes anymore. If it is something serious, I will mention it but otherwise, I am gonna keep it to myself. That is probably why I have no followers because it reads like a pity party. It isn't but some may perceive it that way. I do want to mention a couple things. I had a architectural distortion removed from my breast, it was not cancer. I did BRCA 1 and 2 genetic testing and it came back negative. I could still be positive though. It is weird how that stuff is but the girls are safe. I was supposed to start taking a cancer drug this month but I decided against it. The side effects were too much for me to want to have to deal with. I will be having a MRI and Mammo on my breasts every six months to make sure there is no more growths. My gut is good and bad. Because of my change in eating, I have healed alot of my ulcerations and I am in good status with my colitis. I did find out from the new gastro that I am celiac. It explains alot.

  Right now, at this point in my life, I am doing okay. My birthday is on Satuday. The big 49. The last of the 40s. I will miss them when they are gone. As for the new year, no resolutions but just realizations. I have to stay with AIP until all my symptoms are gone. Then I slowly re-introduce foods on the no list. Some I will be able to add back, some I will never be able to eat again. Wheat and all gluten of course. I will stick with that modified AIP and Keto for as long as I am allowed to. I want to really start walking. It is way too bitterly cold here in the Northeast but when it gets back up to the 30s, I am out there. I have the sneakers. I have the socks. I have the clothes to get the job done. It will be better for my arthritis anyway if I stop being so stagnant and move my ligaments and joints. So walking and eating for health are #1 and #2 on my life realizations.

    Clutter has gotta go. I have been saying this for years but now I mean it. I want to get rid of anything that is just not worthy of this tiny space we have in this house. I have been tossing stuff that is garbage, donating , and selling since the Fall. Now I need to step up my game. I have books to donate, treasures to sell, and clothes to purge. If I have never used it, it has to go. I tend to hold onto some things because of nostalgia or it is old and I must own it. But I think I am done with all that. I want to make run for other things. Crap that is collecting dust and has no purpose for us can leave this house and give someone else a purpose.  DeCluttering in 2018 is #3.

  Money. Money has really been difficult this past year. I have been working with a state agency to get help with getting a job. I really want to try to do it. I am at the stage now where I am very close. I had two really good job interviews. I did not get the jobs but it is good practice. Now that the holidays are over, we are flooding my resumes out there in the ethers and hoping someone wants to give this old smart girl a chance.  I have always said, I need to budget. I need to save money. Blah blah blah. And then I do not do it. Once I wanted to try a no spend year. Nope. Then I tried No Spend Months. Nope, could even do that. I have a new attitude about it now. I aint spending any money. I have bills that need to be paid and paid off. I want to not stress about tax time. I want to have a nice job with some little part time job on the side. Make a good amount of money, be out in the world with people, and just enjoy that part of life that I have missed for the past 16 years. Have a healthy relationship with Money is #4.

  That is it. I have four goals for my life right there. I hope to at least accomplish them all. LMAO. I am realistic. But I have been thinking about this stuff since way before the holidays. I may fail at them all but I am going to try and we shall see how it goes.

If anyone is still out there, I am going to try to blog once every Monday. I will put it in my calendar to remind my forgetful ass.  I guess I could say Blogging my shit would be #5 on that list of life affirming junk.

Toodles. :)



 


   

Kitten Life

*234* <---according to the scale at the Neuro

  That is Keiko aka Little Girl on my summer handbag. For the past three years, I pull out this lovely jute/wickery handbag with the leather straps for lugging all my crap in. I love it and I will use it till either the end of time or another fancy summer bag comes along. LG seems to think it is hers. She likes to chew on the jute. She is getting big. Her first vet appt, she weighed in a 3.3 lbs and she was 12 weeks old. She has another appt in two more weeks for her second shot and to see how big she has grown. The vet will be able to gauge when she should be fixed by how large she has gotten from the last visit. She is an eater for sure. We used to serve one can of wet with a bowl of dry food for the two boys. Now it is 2 cans of wet with the dry. She gets along with everybody for the most part. Milo has taken her under his wing. Oli is tolerating her ass but all is okay. She is a good addition to our crazy family. Cats outnumber dogs at this point.  I do not call her Keiko. Her name is Little Girl. LOL

   I am so thankful that the weather has broken and the humidity has lifted somewhat. I was having a really bad time of it with it. Really bad. My brain was just not able to deal with the squish of the humidity. Once it lifted, I felt so much better. I will just pray the summer away. We havent even been about to enjoy the beach...at all. I have not swam once this summer. And I bought a bathing suit and a beach pass. Dammit!  It has just been a very busy summer so far and we have not had the time to squeeze that in. I do have a nice Vitamin D tan going though. I have been out in the sun, with sunscreen while I worked in the garden or did a plethora of other shit. I am patiently waiting Fall. I will gladly pay for home heating oil instead of electricity for the ACs.

  I want to say that I had a discussion with the Hubs about this whole not spending money thing for a MONTH. He did actually listen. I talked to Kid #2 about it because she can be a bad influence too when it comes to spending. I have to have them in my corner otherwise this will never work. Look. Another month has gone by and I did not follow through. I know I spent less on groceries but as for actual spending on stuff that is not essential....I suck. So again, I will push for August to be the month. It has to be. Just one fucking Month girl. Just one to prove you can do it! ugh. It is like being on a diet..... Does anyone notice that not all scales are universal? You go one place and it says you weigh like 230. Then you go to another place and it says you weigh 240. That is very discouraging. Who do you believe? Do you take an average of all the places that you have been and is that your weight? I could see a 3-5 lb difference but 10 lbs is alot. Too much not to wonder.

Oh yeah, speaking of that. I have gone quite a few days on keto. I am not in ketosis yet but I will be. I found out this week that my gastro is moving out of state. He will stop seeing patients at the end of August. I have an appt on the 1st. I am very sad. He has helped me so much with my gut. Now I have to start all over again with somebody else. Hopefully he or my endo can point me in the direction of a Dr that I can use that I wont want to yell at.  Anyway..I am totally into keto flu and this is usually when I cave. I cannot cave. I must be strong! I must be able to get back on the keto horse. I have mapped out a plan. I have August through the end of December to lose 40lbs. That is my goal for the end of the year. I also need to stick to the plan because in November, I will be having bloodwork done and my cholesterol will be checked. I want to truly see if the keto makes a difference for me. It didnt make one before when I was fully into it. I want to make a difference now. I have been following the glycemic index to help me in choosing foods to eat.  Like I just figured out that Cherries are actually not a good choice for me and my diabetes. I put them back in the fridge and grabbed to squares of Dofino Havarti Cheese. These will make me feel full and wont raise my blood sugar.

  Ketogenic eating has become a sexy thing to do. It has become a fad. It bothers some but it really doesnt bother me that much. I look at it as an opportunity for companies to start making stuff geared towards us. That is a good things. As long as it is not a chemical shit storm. People think they can do this and drop a quick 20lbs. It doesnt work like that. This is a slow way of losing weight. But when your body drops some weight, it is a large amount at once. You could go 2 months and the scale doesnt move. Then one day you look at you dropped 12 lbs. This is a way of eating for life for some of us. It is not a diet. I just have to really be strong this time. I am gonna do it do it do it!

  August 7 I am having a radial scare removed from my left breast. It is a surgery but it is outpatient. I am glad it is a Monday cause Hubby has Mondays off. He can cater to my ass while I shake off the anesthesia. Radial scars are not cancer. But they can develop into cancer. And having them raises your risk of getting breast cancer in either breast. Since my girls are very dense, it is safer to take it out so that they can biopsy the whole thing. We want to make sure there is no cancer hiding behind it. I am not very nervous about it. It is a good thing. I will have a scar but my boob will look the same as it always did.  Crossing fingers and toes that they do not find anything.  If I did not say it before, my liver ultrasound came out great. They did not find the polyp that I had on my liver before. It is gone. Yay!

  I am dealing with keto flu really bad. I am just dragging along over here. I need to take a shower and get an outfit set up for my appt today. I go to the Urologist today to find out why I have pain. Then I have to pick up the car because it is being serviced. If you saw the pictures on IG, you saw the new car. We bought a 2006 Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo. It is our beater car. The Nissan will probably not last the end of the year so we wanted to get while we could. See..I spent money on a vehicle. But we need it. We love the BMW but you cannot use that car for every day stuffs all the time.

 Fuck me! Keto Flu SUCKS SO BAD! I will be strong. I will prevail. I will not eat any potatoes and ruin my progress! NO! NO! NO!

  Okay. I need to get off this thing. Shower. Wash my body. Pick out a nice outfit. Go to the Doctor. Come home and decide on dinner. I think it will be of the sausage and onion variety. I also have some broccoli I can steam and smother in butter. Sounds like a plan. I also need to get ready cause August 1st is coming and I am NOT spending money. I swear to Gah...I am not doing it.

Have a good rest of your week.

Fourth of July 2017

*fat fat fat*

   Happy Fourth of July! I hope you have a nice, sunny, and safe holiday today. I hope you have the day off with pay. I am going to be cleaning today but when I get home, I will be re-arranging the living room and we will cook out on the grill. Everyone has the day off except for us having to clean for two hours. No biggie. It helps pay the bills.

   I have started the do no spend July but I did purchase something yesterday that we needed and we were lucky to get. Our living room had two couches that had to go. One had an actual hole in it from the cat. He dug himself a hidey hole. We had to get rid of these couches and I found a really nice custom leather couch with a matching chair for a steal. They even delivered them! So I have to re-arrange the living room today to make it more cohesive. The no spend is on like Donkey Kong but I had to throw that amendment to the rules. We HAD to get rid of those holed couches and if you look at my IG photos, you know why. ......back to the no spend thing in a minute.

  

Do I get to go to work with you?

  That is Kit Kat. Kid #2 and I had decided we did not like the name Kiki so we will call her Kit. Kid #1 will call her Kiki. Her official name on her paperwork at the vet will be Kit Kat. I have been talking for a couple months that I was ready for a new baby since Lu passed away. I had been searching everywhere but could not find anyone that had kittens. Then the kitten explosion happened and everyone wanted 100s of dollars for them. Like seriously? I understand you want a fee so the cat is not used for bait but it is not a Siamese. I lucked out. My friend let me know that one of the local animal controls had a litter. Kid #1 and I went. I wanted another boy because I like boy cats. But this little girl with the curls came home with us. I bought her collar with a bell so we will always know where she is until she is big enough to fend for herself. It took about a week but everyone in the animal kingdom has okay with her. She is full of piss and vinegar, I tell you. She is a true kitteh. I paid $50 for her. That came with a vax and spay certificate. So basically she was free, we rescued her from the pound, and she is a cute little shit. 

   Back to the spending and eating. Yes bitch. Yes! I am going to do it this time. The only bill I have that is not regular is the water bill and other then that, I am sticking to the budget. I have my notebook for receipts and notations. This week I am going to do an inventory of the pantry and freezers. See what I have and eat from them this month. Super glad for the Farmers Market because it is much cheaper then the store. I can do this.  I am also really really really needing to get back on track with keto. I know. I know. I have said this before. My gut has not been happy with my food choices. Not at all. Fuck. I am addicted to sugar and I am addicted to wheat. I act like potatoes are fine because they are just potatoes but they are not fine. They are one of the highest carbs and I am fooling myself into fat girl submission. I have gained weight. I am still in a size 16 but if I continue this trend, I will have to start wearing a size 18 and THAT IS NOT HAPPENING! 

  Of course I talk about this when today is a eating day and this weekend is Sailfest. Kid #2 said she would buy me lunch at Sailfest this weekend. I will get to eat a sausage with onions and peppers (no bun) but I will not break my budget. It is a win/win.  Today for foods I have hamburgers, hot dogs, and Italian sausages. I will be making tomato, cucumber, and red onion salad.  I have chips and dip (no girl). Watermelon and cherries. And I will probably make a small baked mac and cheese for the girls. And of course, always a tossed salad.  I have some ripe avocados that I will be eating too. Yum. I love a good house grill. 

  It wouldnt be my blog without a health thing to talk about. Amiright? 
  

  Soooo. I am having supposed bladder issues. There is pain. But not UTI type pain. I had a regular check up with my gastro. He said if the Urologist cannot figure it out, he will do a colonoscopy. I had made a yearly with my gyno and got in right away. I told him about my bladder issues plus the fact that I am going through perimenopause. He told me that I have fibroids but they wouldnt cause the kind of pain I am experiencing. Yada Yada Yada. Then I tell him about my breast saga. I had said that I was told that if I had a radial scar, it had to come out. But when my endo/gp looked at the results, he said I was fine. I said I love my GP but he is not a breast man. Could you look at the report? He said he would but everything is probably fine. I get a call from his office 2 hours later. I need to see a surgeon. Yup. I made an appt on the 18th with supposedly THE best breast surgeon around.  It will have to come out. Just great.  Oh...and I have to see the Urologist on the 12th. I will have to have that icky scope up my urethra so he can look to see what is going on. He will push pills for over active bladder and I will not take them. I do not want to take pharmaceuticals if I can help it. If it is very very necessary for life and limb, yes. Otherwise, I will deal.  I hate that scope. It feels awful. It feels exposing. I hate it! But I will do it because we have to know why it hurts. It is probably a kidney stone. That is my prediction. 

   What else? Hmmm. Hubs likes the new job. His pay is much less then what he was making before but it is a job and that is ok. He has alot of guy time, he gets to leave in the company truck to make drop offs, he is busy the entire time, and he is sleeping like a stone. I have an appointment with BRS this week. They had me take a test to see what type of jobs I am suited for. I am guessing I will start with help with resume. Help with interviewing. And then finding a job suited to my physical abilities. That is why we will be okay. I will find a nice little job to make up the difference. I am glad I am going to give it a try. He is still going to look for another job though. He does deserve more money. At least $1-2 more. We shall see.
  

   I think our garden is toast. I have not been in a few days. It did rain two days ago but we have been so busy we have not been back. I am afraid that it will be a wilted mess. I hope not. I have some nice tomato plants there. I wish I could have beds here at the house. We just do not have enough sun for that. There are trees in the neighbors yards (front and on the side) that still shade us. The plants will not get a full 5-6 hours of sun a day. It bums me out. I am glad I have the community beds but at the same time, I do not like having to drive two miles away to water and weed. It is a pain in the ass. Especially for someone like me who has issues with body pain.  I am saying it now (and I might change my mind) that this will be my last year at the garden. As much as I love to do it, I will just do containers here at the house and work on boosting flowers instead. Plus..two of our beds are infested with ants. I have tried three times so far to get rid of them but to no avail. It is pissing me off.

  Okay..I think that is about it. I am still in my jammies. I have to get up, take meds, get dressed, and move it. I have a great one. I will be back to give a full report on the Piss Doc and the Boob Surgeon.

TTFN

June 1st Equals New Beginnings

*233* <---I checked at PT yesterday. This is good! I lost 6lbs!


  I have a headache. So I do not know how long this post will be. I am going to consume some Tylenol and hope that it goes away. I am toasting some low carb bread and I will spread some plant based cheeze on it. I didn't eat much last night cause I just wasn't feeling it.

  Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit! Happy June 1st to you all. Summer is basically here in my mind. It is still too cool here in my neck of the woods but the sun is out today. Just today though. More rain to come this week. Yuck. I really need to go to the community garden today on my travels and pick some radishes. I have to remember to grab my tomato cages for there also. We have radishes, lettuce, four types of tomatoes, basil, cayenne peppers, and strawberries. When the lettuce and radish is over, we will plant some bell peppers in their place.

Okay, I also made a bowl of salad greens with a cut up hard boiled egg, a slice of cheddar cheese, red wine vinegar with salt and pepper. Well rounded with the cheese toast. My headache is subsiding a little bit. *eating*
Ahhh. Feel much better. Okay..

   Today starts the first official day of No Spend June. I have a notebook set up where I will calculate how much I spend on groceries and any bills that come up that are not in the normal realm of the budget. I had to pay a small hospital bill and Hubs had to pay his $50 portion to go to a family cookout. The girls and I are not going because we cannot afford to pay for everyone. Plus we have other stuffs going on. I did go out and buy a case of water. That is going to stop me from going out and buying drinks. Baby steps with some things just yet. I did buy a insulated coffee cup for me and the hubs so we can bring coffee with us when we go out.  I am really going to stick with this. If I cannot do this for an entire month, there is something wrong with me. Even if a deal is so outrageously good, I am not doing it. I had a lottery scratch off ticket that was a $3 winner. I cashed it in and took the money. I would have easily just bought another ticket. Nope. That is an extra $3 in the budget. I will do some sort of tally at the end of each week so like on Sundays. I have five weeks this month so this is going to be interesting.

  Today also starts getting back into keto full time. I am going to really fight the carby cravings and the keto flu for the next week. I will not cave! I fit into 80% of my summer shorts from last year. There are a couple that need me to lose about 5 more lbs or so. I have a couple shirts that I wore that I will not wear yet because I really need to lose the spare tire again. She is more like a bike tire now but it is still there and no no no.  The saving money and the keto eating work two fold also. I need to spend a day going through the pantry, fridge, and both freezers. Throw anything away that needs to go cause it is old, make a list of what I have, and then we can go from there when we go shopping. I am not going to do a whole month shopping at once because our house isnt that big. I plan on doing a every two week big shopping and once a week perishable shopping. Dairy, eggs, veggies. And I will always stick to my list because I have to.

Okay. I can do this! I have to decide what is for dinner. I do have some tilapia that I could bake. I have some asparagus too. That would be a nice dinner. Lemon fish with greens and asparagus. Add some fat in there like butter galore. Mmmm

I gotta go now. The kid needs a ride to work. Have a good week and I wish me luck!

Mercury in Retrograde Bitches

*230* <---Fuck You!

  May 1st! Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit to you all. Today marks the exact day last year that Hubs and I went full throttle with the new way of eating. I have been pecking at it the past couple weeks but today is full on. 25 grams or less of carbs a day. Post everything on MyFitnessPal to keep an eye on my numbers. I will struggle but I am dealing with Retrograde so it is what it is.

   Okay, I left because I had a shit ton of errands to do today. I started this at lunch time and now it is almost 6pm. Workman`s comp stuff, copying stuff, going to my lawyer`s office for stuff, getting a cold brew because I deserve it and supplies for the sick #2. She seems to have caught a Springtime head cold. Which sucks because she has an ultrasound to do on Wednesday. She isn't coughing so maybe she will be able to do it. She is also having 3 wisdom teeth taken out on Friday. Oy!  I have been busy with preparations.

    Retrograde has made me such a mess this time around. At least the tail end of it has. I have been not a very nice person and very emotional. Super duper not nice. Today has been better. It ends in 3 more days so it must be taking it`s clutches off of me. Mean. Weepy. Suspicious. Eating anything and everything. I blame that part also on the stupid steroids. I took the steroid for my colitis for a week. I ate an entire family sized bag of Lay`s and the next day a half a bag of Doritos. Those pills had to go. I am staying away from dairy except for the little bits of butter that I can tolerate. And I am staying away from all grains that have gluten. Those things (among others) gives me great issues. Like I may shit myself in public issues. I do not want that. Plus, I gained weight. I am not here on this Earth to go backward. I refuse! Only forward. And forward is smaller underwear sizes.

  Today I planted some impatients in the cone baskets on the porch. I was ready to dig in the dirt! I also have enough cactus dirt to repot all my special in house babies. I have to just get a time to do it. Some of them really need to be put in bigger pots with fresh digs. It has still been too cold to really get into gardening. Like really cold. Like not May at all. But I will enjoy it because it will get hot eventually and I will hate every moment of it. Especially now that I am dealing with old lady days.

  I am sorry that this is just not a good post. I am exhausted from all the running around and I still have to get dinner going. We are having chicken enchilada soup. I have to start some rice in the cooker for the girls. The man and I will eat it without any carbs in it.  Again, I left you to fold some laundry and water my jade and aloe plants. This Monday was not a good one for posting but I havent posted in a bit so I am throwing this bone out there.

  I am here. I am eating low carb high fat. I am going to stick with it because today is the anniversary day of last year and it has symbolism to me. I wont wreck that. I intend to lose the 10ish lbs I have gained and try to lose another 40 over the next few months. That would be a nifty thing to happen. I am going to make it so.

Have a great week and I will be back around next Sunday.

Teeth Scraping and a Change of Heart

*228*

OMG! Two posts in a row must be some kind of record!

  This morning at 8am, I had my tooth cleaning. It was agony and a blood bath as per usual. I also found out that my periodontal disease has gotten worse!  I had done so good last year with eating correctly and I had healed some of my gum/teeth issues. If you have periodontal disease, then you know what I mean. Lots of 4s and 5s in that count today. I am not a happy camper. I bit the bullet and purchased a Sonicare brush. It will help immensely with helping save my teeth. I am going to have either no dental or limited dental insurance for I dont know how long. This morning was the wake up call that I needed.

  Eat low carb high fat. Save your teeth and the bones that hold them in your face! Diabetes is a helluva drug, I tell you. I am also ruining my eyesight with the cataracts by not following this way of eating.  Seriously though, I have cried wolf on this before the last couple months. Waaa! I cannot stick to the lchf WOE. Waaa! I gained 8 lbs! Well, bitch, you are ruining yourself on the inside. You will look like a broke bitch with no teeth if you keep this shit up!

 I bought the pink one, of course. She cost me $150. I think I will pay the price to save my teeth from mass destruction. I will use her tonight after my gums heal from the catastrophe of this morning.  It is a Sonicare DiamondClean Professional Series. It has bells and whistles. I will use it and let you all know how it goes.

  Yeah, I think this morning was a revelation. She was counting my teeth and shooting out numbers for the assistant to write down. There were hardly any 1s 2s or 3s like 6 months ago. In 4 months, I am right back where I started with my teeth. Keeping the blood sugars in check are one of my major arsenals in living a relatively good life in one piece. With Periodontal Disease, you have bone loss under your teeth. That bone is what holds you teeth in your face. I do not have any wiggle but if you can wiggle your teeth, that is a bad sign. I have been wearing a night guard for about 2 years now. I used to have the kind the dentist makes for you, but Ruby got hold of it when she was a puppy. $200 down the drain. I was able to find a good one in the pharmacy. It is called Dentek mouth guards. I use the full guard for max protection. You use hot water to mold it. I have had this same one for over a year. Saves your teeth immensely.  I am a major grinder of my teeth. This stopped it cold. It does take a couple nights to get used to it, but once you have used it on a regular basis, you cannot sleep without it. There is no more tooth shift when you wake up on the morning.

  So.  I am most definitely back to eating Keto/banting/lchf. No more cheating. No more french fries cause they are only a potato. No more sugar. No more allowing myself to be lead to eat those things. I am done. My first goal is to get back down to 219. After I reach that goal, I will decide what else I am going to do.
Oh yeah. I forgot. I started this supplement by Now called Gymnena Sylvestre. It is used by diabetics to help with metabolism and keeping blood sugars in check. I was going to see if it works. People use it to block sugar but I doubt that actually works. I want to see if it helps with pancreas function. If it doesnt work for me, it is probably cause my pancreas cells are basically wiped out and I will be on the needle till I know longer walk this Earth. That sounded grim. Dont take it that way. That is the way I talk. I will discuss the supplement at a later time. I started it this week so too early to tell.

   I got some Oracle cards this past weekend.  They are my first set. They called to me actually. I went into the local shop to see if they had any bronzite (nobody does!), and I poked around and this one caught my eye. It is very accurate with me so I guess we chose each other well. I do not know if I am going to do this for anyone else, or just do it for me. I have to familiarize myself with how to read cards and the spread. I like doing it for myself because it helps give me some guidance in really big things I have to think about. I purchased well.

  After that scraping and my big breakfast/lunch, I am definitely ready for a nap of some type. I woke up super early and it is just gloomy outside. I have some major cleaning to do but I think I will rest up first before I do that.
Have a good rest of your week. Let`s hope for NO SNOW!

 

Cheeto Cravings

*228* <---I weighed this past weekend. I still have some weight to go.

  I ate a half a bag of Cheetos. I had a stress filled day of doing stuff and I caved. But I dont feel badly. I only ate half. I could have devoured the entire bag. Oh. I ate a donut too.
 This is going to be a short post because it is 815pm, I have to change my clothes, wash up, and go to bed early. I have a 8am dentist appt cleaning. I HATE getting my tartar scraped. It is right up there with migraines. Dont like it. Dont want it. But I will do it. We have insurance until the end of April. We are cramming in all we can before it is gone and we have to go on State (until one of us gets a job with benefits).

  We ran around today and got stuff done. Made appointments for all at the dentist, Kid #2 for the eye doctor and primary. Drove hither and yon to get it all done. Dropped the nissan off at the mechanic to have her worked over. She needs all four of her shocks replaced. She is also going to get two new tires. We are getting stuff done that has to be done so that we do not have to worry about it.

  I have been paying all the bills down to 0. I have not had a 0 balance on anything in years. It feels good. It feels adult. Look at Me! I am adulting. It takes a tragedy of job loss to get me to do the right thing. LMAO Not really . We just have the cash on hand to get all these things accomplished. We are going to have all the plugs replaced this week on the 1st floor and I am going to start painting the living room. I promised myself, I would not pick a color for the kitchen until the livingroom is done. It has to be done. It has waited to fucking long. I did the trim before the winter so now it is time to paint the walls. I have been doing alot of decluttering. Every week, I pick a few things and donate them or toss them. Some things do not deserve to have another owner. It feels good to purge. And I have been good to not add to the herd.

   It is cold. It is cold. It might snow on Sunday (BOO!) and I am dry and itchy. Other then the complaint side of that and the bloat from the Cheetos, I am doing ok. I know I said I am sticking to the LCHF and for the most part I kind of am.  I do not want to gain weight. I am bargaining with myself. I think I need to send out my intentions to my higher power to help me be stronger when it comes to my food choices. Junk is the enemy. I have to stop. I feel good when I eat whole foods. I dont want to feel like garbage. But I keep falling back into it when I have a stressful day, like today. Or I have others trying to influence me. I should not completely blame them for my choices because again....I am an adult. But you all know what I mean. I need to be stronger!

  I have not heard from the job for an interview but that is because the hiring person was on vacation last week. I have faith that I will hear something. If I do not hear from them, I will look for something else that is comparable. But I have a good feeling. I feel like I could get an real life in person interview. We shall see.

Okay. yeah. I am bloated from the Cheetos. I need to go stretch out and bitch at myself for my poor choices. At least my dinner was compliant. Baked chicken, steamed broccoli with cheese, and a big salad.

Gonna go now. If anything fun happens this week, I will add an extra posting.

Keep warm!

Fat Tuesday Gorgefest. Not Really

*228* <---I lost 3 lbs so far!

  The sad assed eat-a-thon is over for me. I am going to use Lent (and today and yesterday) as my jumping off point back into full keto. I even made a declaration on IG. I want to see if I can lose another 50lbs by October. That is how much I lost the first go around. I lost my way but I am back on track. I am not looking at it as a failure if I do not lose another 50lbs by the Fall, but I have had better lost something. At least 20-30lbs! I have goals!

Yesterday I went to the pharmacy to fix the mess that is our insurance. I talked to the pharmacist about my gut issues. I bought a bottle of pancreatic enyzmes to help aid in my digestion because I do not have a gallbladder. You take a pill with meals. We shall see. I just started it today. He also bestowed the virtues of peppermint oil. If you ingest small amounts (i dip a toothpick in the bottle and stir it in my coffee) it helps with spasms, gerd, ibs, and contractions of my colon. I started it yesterday so I cannot say anything yet but I will come back to it at a latter date to give a full report. It helps with alot of things especially appetite suppression. Supposedly if you take a few sniffs or put a dot under your nose, it helps you from being hungry or gorgy. I will definitely need that in the coming weeks cause that is why I have failed to get back on the wagon with Keto.

 We have insurance until the end of April. It has been a bit of a hassle getting stuff kick started but Hubs talked to somebody yesterday, I sent out a check (we pay what he paid as employee) and it will be turned on soon. This is why I am thankful that we cashed in the money. If we had not, we would be up shits creek. I have made some appointments coming up for mid March. I still have to have the MRI on my neck to make sure if all is ok. Part of me just doesnt want to know. I wont have real insurance to have it taken care of so why bother. Hospitals and Doctors treat you differently when you are on State Medical. This is another reason why we are going to get back to eating keto and losing more weight. The weight loss will help with the health aspect and keep us out of the doctors office.

     We have not had stuff done around the house yet. I want to hold off at first. We are going to have Venus in retrograde for the first 2 weeks of March and it is NOT a good time to have work done or make major purchases.  This I just learned and I am going to follow that advice. We have a few things that we want to do around the house that are necessary like fix the fascia around the border, find out about new gutters, get the house painted in the Fall, etc. And I dont want anything to happen to fuck that up. Waiting a couple weeks wont be a tragedy. I already talked to a friend about the garden beds in front of the house. She is gonna crunch some numbers. I do not want to spend alot but I am not gonna be cheap either. Mid range is the way to go. If they are up before the summer, I will be happy!

  I did not hear from the place that I put in my resume. But I went in to pay the bill yesterday. The lady at the front told me the hiring manager is on vacation and will be back next week. That is why there was no call! She said that when they are hiring, they like to have both the manager and the supervisor in on the interview. Her face told me not to worry, I would get a call. Oh my word, how am I going to deal with two people asking me questions?? I am going to have to just be cool, be myself, it is okay, and ask my higher power to help me with this aspect of my life. I need this. I feel it is a perfect fit for me. I have done it before. I am healthier now then I was back then. I can contribute to our lives with medical benefits. The money is not great but it will get better with time.

   Today is Fat Tuesday. It is the last day to gorge yourself before the 40 days of Lent march on until Easter. I am a Catholic by trade so I know these things. I guess eat sugar free Twizzlers for dessert last night would be considered a bit of a gorge? I dont know. Hubby and I made THE best keto stuffed peppers. I dont even have a website recipe. We just made it up.

Heidi`s Keto Stuffed Bell Peppers
-Four Red Bell Peppers, tops cut off, dig out the seeds. You are going to want to steam them for about 10 minutes to get them a bit soft but not too soft. Stand them up in small baking dish.
-One and half cups of riced cauliflower. You can get this in the produce section. It has a steam bag for the microwave.
-Half a yellow onion, minced and sauteed
-3 cloves of garlic, minced and sauteed
-1 package of Hatfield loose Italian pork sausage and 1 package of Hatfield loose chorizo sausage, sauteed till brown
-Pasta sauce of your choice, either home made or from the jar.
 Mix the meat, riced cauliflower, cup of sauce, onions, garlic, salt, black pepper, basil, and garlic powder. Fill each pepper with the mixture. Top with Mozzarella cheese. Pour remainder of the sauce in the bottom of the baking dish. Cook in a 350 deg F oven for 30 minutes. We went to 45 because we like it to have a little brown on the cheese.
I do not have nutritional information cause I just made this up but if you wanted to know, you could look up the ingredients on MyFitnessPal. This dish makes four servings. It was really good. I was saying Yumm as I ate it. That will be made again.

  Oh! I bought myself a pair of sneakers! Real Nike Sneakers. I tried them on and I like them. They are hard soled but have squishing bottoms. You feel like you are walking on air. Since Meteorological Spring is here tomorrow, my ass it going to start walking again. Up the street, around, and down the street. Gotta take care of the ass jiggles. My legs are so cottage cheesy from losing weight. I know that it wont all go away because of my lack of collagen but I could try to tone a little bit. I also know that moving my booty will help with the arthritis in my hips and back. It is not bad yet but if I do not move my ass, it will be.

That is about it. There is nothing spectacular going on this week really. Just paperwork and ideas of things to come. As it gets warmer, I will have better stuff to show and talk about. I hope you all have a great last day of February. Get out and enjoy something yummy! Let`s hope NO MORE SNOW!

Namaste.

I am not talking politics..today

*223* <----I could be. I could be not. Whose to know?

  First off, I am not gonna talk politics on here. If something horrifically horrifically worse then what is going on happens. Say eminent nuclear destruction, assassinations, or national famine..I am keeping my opinions to myself. There is enough bad energy swirling around. We do not need me adding to it.

   Yesterday was the Hubs birthday. 51 is a very good year. He was feeling under the weather though. This weather takes a toll on you sometimes. Kid #2 and I shopped and cooked a big dinner. We treated it like a holiday as it should be. I made carrot cake cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. And no, they were not LCHF/Keto. The meal was. The dessert was not. If was a beautiful day, he was/is loved, and I have a shit ton of dishes awaiting me after I finish this.
   I had two revelations this weekend. One is that popcorn in any form is a big no for me. When we went to the store, there was a chic handing out a free coupon with a bag  of something called Kernel Seasons Chrunchin Kernels Ranch flavor.  Basically they are flavored half popped popcorn kernels.  I have basically stayed away from popcorn since the cdiff. I might eat one or two stray pieces here or there with no problems. I wanted to see how it tasted. I am not exaggerating when I say that I ate probably a 1/2 to one full teaspoon of it.  It tasted good. I would highly recommend as a snack if you are not eating LCHF or if you have gut issues.  But if you are like me, stay the fuck away from them. It felt like nails going through my colon. I had to lay down for an hour while it worked it`s way out of me. I felt so sick. My gut is still sensitive today after the fact.
Revelation #1: Stay the hell away from popped corn in all forms. 

  I am not going to talk about why Hubs was sick cause that is none of our business. But it lasted for a couple days. It was unpleasant but he is much better this morning. I was trying to figure out what triggered it. The only thing that came to mind was our diet. We had been eating full fledged keto from May-November. Then it slowly flew off the rails. We still eat low carb high fat but not to the extent that we did before. We would cheat here and there. I think the woe that we were doing was helping him immensely. He did not suffer at all the whole time we were eating that way.  So yeah.
Revelation #2: Eating Keto is keeping us healthy. 

  I will just deal with the keto flu and the massive cravings to come. We are back on this WOE!  I packed his lunch this morning. He will have foods to eat while on the road. I have to go to the store to pick up cheeses because we are totally out. I have to hard boil some eggs too. I have been doing that all along but they will save me in the coming weeks. I am also going to make some fat bombs for the freezer. We have like 6 cupcakes left from yesterday. I am hoping that Kid #2 just brings them to work tonight. That would be ideal. They were faboo btw. I used Paula Dean`s recipe for both the cakes and the frosting. I cooked them for 35 minutes. Those are chopped pecans on top.

  Kid #2 has brought up a interesting proposition. She wants to start a YouTube channel with me. I want to research it all first. I will have to have the laptop my friend gave me worked over. You really need a good lappy to edit your videos. This Chromebook wont cut it. We could use our iPhones to record. She wants me to do cooking and mukbangs but with a keto twist. She wants to do her own mukbangs also. A mother daughter kind of thing. As you can see, I love to blog so I would be doing it cause I like to do it. If any followers or money comes with it, that would be great too.  I will let you all know if and when that happens. Mukbangs are gonna blow up in the Youtube world like they do in Korea. I love to watch them. Dont ask me why. I cannot explain it. It is not like a feeder thing. I like when they eat and talk. Kind of like you are sitting there with them. I also like ASMR but that is something totally different.  That video is of Keemi. I like her. She cooks, talks, and eats. I started watching her when she had a small following.

   I went to the neurosurgeon`s office last week. I saw his PCA.  He had a really good energy. I liked him. He listened to me. My lower back is arthritic. He could see my last surgery on my L5 S1. He used to work for the surgeon that did it. He said that my L4 L5 is not that great but he suggested that I go back to PT (yay!) and have the shots. I decided later that I am not doing the shots yet. I will do the PT and massage. If they do not help, I will try the shots. I told him about my neck hurting. My arms, hands, shoulders, etc. He wants me to have a MRI of my cervical. Then he does all the customary shit they do at an appointment. Heart beat, lungs, blood pressure, and pulse. He checks my pulse on my left hand, looks up at me and says *that is a weak pulse and your hands are cold*. He says I might have to see the vascular surgeon in the building. WHAT?? I asked if my low blood pressure be a reason too. He said yes. After much talk, we will wait till after my MRI is done. If I have to see the vascular guy, he will send me. Of course I googled that shit and I must be a fucking magician. I was thinking I had an issue with Thoracic Outlet Syndrome months ago. I talked about it to the massage therapist two weeks ago. I am not saying that I know that is what it is but who wants to bet me a $3 bill?  If it is just the nerves, I will learn how to hold my posture and techniques through PT. That is in like 95% of the cases. Very rare to have to see a vascular doctor about it. That would be if the area in question is impinging on your artery or veins. I am not gonna super worry about it.

  That is about it. It is Monday. I have to do laundry, water my plants, go buy cheese, and work on a little arts and crafts project. I have a wood octopus that I am painting. Yeah, I will share when it is done. I still have not figured out how to get the IG back on here. It is making me a little bit mad. My fishes are gone too. Grrrr.
I need a blogger guru, I tell ya.

Have a good week! Maybe some snow on Tuesday!

Forty Eight Years

*220-something*

   It is 1pm and I am still in my jammies. The impending temperature change from 50 today to the 30s tomorrow is giving me body issues which in turn makes me moody. I will be okay. I just have to roll with it. We are forecasted for some snow possibly on Friday, my birthday. And possibly more Saturday evening into Sunday. We shall see. It almost always snows on my birthday so I have just learned to live with it. I have a recipe for my cake. It is a chocolate brownie cheesecake that is LCHF. I bought all the ingredients for it. Cheesecakes are easy to make for this way of eating. I am not in the mood for dealing with different leavening shit.
*********************************************************************************
Ok. I let the dogs out and I went upstairs to change my clothes. It is progress. It would have been way better if I took a shower, washed my hair, washed my face (toner and moisturize) and brushed my teeth but a depressed girl could only do so much. I am body depressed basically if that means anything. The barometric pressure changes, my wacked out hormones, and at the tail end of a nasty head cold has wiped me out physically. Part of me knows I should just lay on the couch and watch streamed tv shows but the other part of me sees that the kitchen needs cleaning. It is a sick bitch balance.

   Let me share this recipe here before I forget. It is Egg Roll in a Bowl.  I made this the other night and everyone LOVED it. I used shredded rotisserie chicken instead of pork. I also added some shredded purple cabbage, a teaspoon of sesame oil, and sriracha to taste. So good and low low carb. I am having some leftovers for lunch now. If you have ever eaten crack slaw, it is like that. I love crack slaw too. Mmmm! Give it a try even if you dont eat the way I do.

  Speaking of eating the way I do, I am a fucking keto loser. I keep eating crap. I ate bread the other day. I dont eat bread! I am all bloated and that is also making me feel shitty. I have to declare it here for posterity. I will deal with the keto flu! I will start eating correct for my health starting right now at 130pm. I will stop eating carbage that is not good for my diabetes! It is so easy to slowly slip back into my food addictions. I knew that the holidays would ruin how well I was doing. A little bite here. A lots of bites there. I have maintained my weight loss but I am back to being bloated from the grains. I am totally not gonna make excuses or concessions. It will take a good week of strict eating to stomp the cravings down. I have to do this so that I can live a long life. ROAR!!

*i am back on track cause i gotta be*

 I bought myself a birthday pressie this week. I had a $25 discount on Amazon (one of my freebies. So I bought a Echo Dot and a speaker to listen to music from it. I love Alexa! I know people do not like the idea of having a microphone in their house. I love it. It plays my music. It tells me the weather. I am a happy birthday girl. I am also getting something else for my birthday. Kid #2 bought me a new lappy! It is coming in the mail tomorrow. This will be my last post with this disgusting Dell with the missing letter n.

    We are supposed to go out to lunch and dinner for my birthday on Friday also but we shall see how the weather holds up. Hubby wants to take me to David Burke`s Prime for lunch. That is some snazzy eating. I will have to be strong though. There will be no frites with my steak!

  This leftover eggroll in a bowl is actually lifting my mood a little bit. It isnt helping with my pain but you cannot have everything. If you make it, let me know if you liked it. I used a whole chicken shredded, a whole bag of coleslaw, and half a bag of shredded red cabbage. I doubled all the other ingredients.

That is all for today. I have some stuff to share the  next time I post. I have started the ball rolling for something.

Rainy December Morning

*220*


     It snowed last night. Our first real snow of the season. Barely an inch but it totally counts as our first flakes. Of course it is raining because it is just too warm here on the shore. As long as I don't have to deal with the icy hill, I am good with any precipitation. I have my massive mug of BPC this morning. I have to decide what to do today amongst my Monday shit. I always have therapy in the a.m. That will be a hour from now. I have to wash the bed linens and there is a shit ton of dishes as per usual. I have to prep foods for the fridge. I make hard boiled eggs, cucumber salad, and cut up cheddar blocks for snacking. Okay..Just as I typed that, I went in the kitchen, started the eggs, and cut up the cheese. I will do the salad later. Those are like staples in our fridge.

   I wrapped all the gifts I have bought so far. It is going to be a intentionally lean Christmas. We are all adults and just cause they are our children doesn't mean they are supposed to get a shit ton of gifts like they are five. I am done. Done on so many levels. Four adults in the house need to ALL contribute in every facet of the household. So, Christmas will be very merry but it wont be abundant on purpose. We have a big ole ham in the deep freezer that I will thoroughly enjoy with lots of veggie sides. I will make a pie (s?) that will not be ketogenic. I think one will be apple and another sweet potato. That last one went fast!  I have three more gifts to buy. Hubs has to buy two more for them and he has to shop for me. I just remembered.......I had to water the tree. I checked it every couple of days and it had to be topped off this morning. Yeah, that is how my Mondays are.

  I see MY gastro this afternoon. We get to discuss my colitis. I do not want to take medication for it. I bet it will be a lifetime of fish and salad for me. I have to share. I have never eaten salmon before. I think the fact that you eat it partially raw always made me take a step back from it. But I know I have to overcome it. I have heard really good things about canned salmon. I think I will try that first before I try to cook it. Most recipes online are too carby. Most are for making fish cakes. I did find THIS RECIPE for Low carb salmon patties. I will have to spend an hour on Pinterest to find stuff. If I do, I will add it to my Keto-a-go-go pin page.  We shall see how that goes.

Okay....I just realized that I am still in my jammies and have to be to the therapist in half hour. I will post this, come back, and add more.

  I am back. It is 2pm. Kid #2 is sickkkkkkkk. She called out of work today and I have this soup cooking in the crockpot. I used real and less potatoes, added white beans too, and a smidge of ginger. I will not add the flour at the end.  I have all her work clothes going in the washer and I am taking a break. I saved two sausages for myself for my lunch. Yum! I will make a big tossed salad to make it a good dinner.

   My therapy session was eye opening and I cried a bunch. I learned about my bipolarness and how I perceive things. I was looking at a situation only on my side of the fence and on the other side. I feel much better about something that was really hurting my feelings. I am better with it all now. I am glad for the tears and the clarity. Sometimes it is good to have a mirror put up for you to see.

  I see the gut doctor in about 1 1/2 hours from now. I refuse meds and I will listen to what he says about changes in eating to heal me. Like I need more changes.  I am gonna end it here. I have dishes waiting for me before I go.
Hope you all have a good week. Stay warm! Make some soup!

She is gone

 This past Friday we sent Lu over the Rainbow Bridge. She was declined to the point that I had to give her love and dignity. Kid #2 and I were with her the whole time. She felt our love and she was very relaxed. It was perfect. I have a hole left now. It will take me a long time to get over her. This is all I want to say on this subject. 

   I spent a butt load on the Jeep last week. A fucking buttload. She had to have the motor/pump that controls the ABS replaced. That has been slowly shitting the bed for the last two years. It would act up during August/September when it was most humid. Then it would be okay. Yeah, this year it never got better. I HAD to get two new back tires and she needed an alignment from all the mechanical tomfoolery of this past summer aka rotor hell. But we are all set for the Winter. Let the snow begin!

  

Isn't she the cutest? Probably about 4 feet tall. We put it on top of a table. It clears the window but doesn't touch the ceiling. It is perfect. The livingroom smells like my childhood. I think this is a new old tradition. I have presents to wrap. I have a couple presents to shop for. I am basically done. I have been making bon bons to keep my mind occupied. It keeps the tears at bay sometimes. I have decided that we will have a Christmas ham. I also want to make a big pot of meatballs and sausage in sauce. Hubby and I will eat the meat by itself. The girls can have some rigatoni for it. I have not really decided on sides yet but there will be alot of veggies like Turkey Day. 

  Ahhhh! Blessed bullet proof coffee. The fat makes the hunger go away. I had a really big salad with leftover chicken, dressing, olives, and a tablespoon of sour cream but that didnt make the hunge go completely away. This coffee will help so much. As you can tell from my lunch choices, I am not completely following the AIP diet. I am not supposed to have raw veg, dairy, or spices..among other things. I am just gonna eat. If it makes me sick, off the list. Almond milk, soy milk, and all creams are a no. It will take time but I will figure it out. The fat will make it easier to make the bon bons without sampling.


Okay. I gotta stop now. This lappy is a piece of shit and I am getting frustrated with it today. I hope you are all well. I hope you have a great week. I will be back.