Why so many opinions?

   I have joined a couple online support groups dealing with my skull/ear/CSF issues. I wanted to know what was up with my surgery, what to expect before, during, and after. I am getting lots of help but sometimes I want to scream.  SHUT THE FUCK UP!! People think I can just fly off to this hospital or that hospital. They do not care that my ENT is one of the best surgeons AND he has been on those lists as one of the Best Doctors in America  and Best in the Metro area  many years running. They do not care that he works at Yale and that he taught this shit for many years.
   If I am not going to so and so OR so and so, I am putting my life into my own hands. They are making me more scared then before. My ENT is a really good Dr. I am confident with him.
 I just get strangers,who mean well, scaring the shit out of me. Oh god no! You need a neurologist to do the surgery! Oh! It is going to be bad if you do not get a certain caliber of Dr to do it.
Look! I know you all do not read here but I am going to spout off anyway. I really truly appreciate your help in every way. But every time you make a comment about how my Dr is probably not good enough and it will be MY mistake if I do not get a better one...I want to scream. I have never had skull surgery, okay. This is my first trip down this road. My ENT is the one that found the problems.
 These people that are trying to help me are making it harder for me. Oh! And those people that like to tell you that money should never be an issue when it comes to your health, Have money! Of course you can say that! You can afford to have 3rd and 4th opinions. I cannot. Every time I go to another Dr, it is another bill that I cannot afford. It is almost November and I have not even put heating oil in my tank yet let alone have the furnace cleaned. What does that tell you??
Shit!
 Can you tell I am stressing? I wanted help with finding out what was going to happen. I get that but then you get these people that like to be too helpful. They do not realize they are stressing me out more. God forbid I say anything to the contrary. They are being good and helping me out of the kindness of their hearts.

Fuck me!

 Okay, I have ranted. I do not feel completely better but I had to do that. I went to get some advice and support from people just like me. I got that in many ways but there was always the backhanded approach that I should be doing more for myself. I should be going to Boston or Maryland because that is where the best of the best are. I totally get that. If I had fluid money, I would do that. But I do not have it like that. I have to go where my insurance says I can go. He is probably my best option at this point...and that is not me talking shit about my Doctor. I like him a lot. He has a great bedside manner, he has been doing this a long time, and I have been told by a few local`s in the support group that I will be in good hands.  I just do not need another person telling me I need at least 4 opinions. I got a 2nd opinion. My neuro. He told me to get it done sooner rather then later.

My ears are still frigging clogged. I called my GP to see if they will give me another antibiotic to clear this shit up. I need to be well or relatively well before my surgery. Natalie and I are going to have lunch and then we are going to decorate outside for Halloween. Yeah, I said I wasn't gonna but I got suckered in at the last minute!
I think I want Five Guys for lunch!

Thanks for listening to me bitch. I just could not take another person telling me what I needed to do.

Rant away!

*264*

Blame it on my hormones but I am due for a fucking rant.
 I have a question. How would you like it if you spent an hour cleaning the living room, top to bottom and came downstairs the next morning and it was a big mess again? AND the mess wasn't made by a bunch of 10 year olds but by a bunch of young adults!  When you ask them to HELP you, a couple things may happen. Blank stares like you are talking a foreign language, Protests that they didnt do it, or giving a half assed effort just to get you off their back. You only see that help when you ask for it. It never comes every day or even every week. You always have to practically beg this young adult to help you.
 I am just having a bad day and I am thinking about all the things that are going on in the world. Fred lost his part time job. That money helped every week. Now it is gone. We do not have that extra to help pay for gas for the cars or when we run out of cream for our coffee. Now I have to budget those things back into the meager amount I have been working with this past few months. I am scared about the winter.
 Will I be able to keep up warm? Food prices are going to go up. Am I going to be able to hoard enough now before it really gets bad?  I have too many adults living here that are not contributing at all. Not one bit.

I just explained to Natalie that I feel like I am pushing a boulder up hill every single day and I am not making any progress at all. I get shit clean and then somebody comes along and fucks it up. Why are you dropping shit on the floor and not picking it up? Total disrespect on my part.

But then I am supposed to go out of my fucking way to do this and that for you all. And god forbid I say no.
Yup. That about sums it up. I am the ONLY one that is worried about the next few months. I am the ONLY one that is making plans to secure food for us, just in case the prices go through the roof.
If I get my feelings brushed aside one more time, I am going to fucking lose it.

Now I have to go wash all the dishes...again. I just washed them all yesterday. I do not have a dishwasher. I am the dishwasher.