May 1, 2018

*238*


     103 days from today till May 1, 2018.

   That is how much time I have to lose at least 10lbs and lower my A1c to a normal level. I had been lollygagging about this for two months. I shake my head at myself. Yes, this is an unscheduled blog post. I had to talk about it to you to just get it out there in the universe.

  Since December, I did lose the 10lbs that I gained but I need to lose at LEAST 10lbs more. I will tell you why.  When I saw my Endo last time in December, we discussed how I had to change my eating seriously because of all the autoimmune stuff going on. He gave me till my next appointment to lose at least 10lbs and show a vast improvement in my blood sugars. He wants to be shocked. He even noted it in my file. If I did not show any improvement, I would have to agree to raising my insulin levels. Now. If anyone has been paying attention, if I raise my insulin levels, I will gain more weight for sure. At that appointment, I weight 250 something. Right now I weigh 236-237-238. I have lost 10lbs but my A1c will show I have still be eating shittily. Why am I talking about this now? I looked on the calendar yesterday and saw that I had my appt with him on February 12! That is not enough time to change more. So I called to change it. Unfortunately, they are a very popular office. They said I would have to wait till May 1st for my next appointment. I jumped at it! I am just prolonging my 3 month diabetes check. I go to them religiously. So for me to extend it beyond this time, is not a bad thing. If anything came up between now and then, they would bring me in on a sick check.

  This is my declaration to myself.  Girl, you need to do all that have learned. Now is the time. Get off your ass and DO IT!

1 Walk every morning with a few exceptions. Temps in the single digits, icy or snowing, big rain storms, and temps above 85 and humidity. The last ones I can walk at the Mall.

2. Eat 20g or less of carbohydrates a day. Eat high fat and moderate protein.

3. Take your supplements. All of them. Not just the Vit D and B-12.

4. Drink more water.

5. If I am hungry, eat more fat.

6. Stick with it. You quit smoking for Christ`s Sake. You can quit carbs and sugar!

I am also going to follow the Histamine protocol for my autoimmunes but I am not going to stress myself over it. I already know that wheat is a major issue. Since I have basically cut it out of my life except for a couple slips..my psoriasis has been clearing up.

Now. You may have seen the picture in my IG with me holding Keiko. I am able to wear a size 16 very well. Some of them are actually too loose. But I am not ready for size 14 yet. But I still look like a fatty mcbutter pants. That is because I am 5`4'. I am supposed to be in the lower 100s. We all know that will probably never happen. Plus, I would suffer greatly with all the excess skin. But I am not going to think about that right now.
I need to walk in the mornings because right now, that is where my energy lies. That window has passed today. The weather for tomorrow is mostly sunny the high will be 35 deg F but it will be colder in the morning. That is okay weather. Tomorrow I am going to put on my leggings and my sneakers and I am going to walk to 2 miles up the hill and around.

  I am going to be dealing with mega Keto Flu. We have Christmas chocolate that was bought at 75% off. I have to use all my resolve in life to stay away. STAY AWAY! I can do this. See, the more fat adapted you become, the less you want all that stuff you stopped eating. I just have to get over that hump....again.

  Time to get moving. I have to drive people places because I am the family chauffeur. and I have to decide what is for dinner. Something in the Gowise pot for sure. Just do not know what yet.  Have a good rest of your week and I will be back!

Is it time to shop for a tin can and sunglasses?

*225*

   I am late. I am bad and I havent posted. I should get in big trouble but I have been out doing stuff! If you look at my IG, you know. Let me start with some positives and update you on stuff.

  Lu is doing. She is still on her steroids. She takes them every other day for the next 10 days. Her heart is good. Today she was coughing a little but it is humid. We are all downstairs with the AC going so it feels good. She will always have issues with her faulty knees on back legs but she is much better then she was.

  The garden is going strong both at the community garden and the pots here at the house. I am leaving the buds alone on the tomatoes and peppers now because it is time. It is warm enough and they have all grown quite a bit. The strawberries gave us about 8 quarts this year. We were very happy with that. The blackberries are flowering now so we should start picking in July. I am afraid that the new people that run the community garden will over run the blackberry patch and ruin it. I will just go there early in the mornings and pick my quart like I have been doing for 6 years. If they tell me I am not allowed, I think this will be my last year at the garden. They have made it so that if you volunteer, you get perks. I am too sick to volunteer, but that doesn't matter I guess. I sprayed the crap out of some poison ivy this morning. There is not a huge amount but you cant leave that shit alone or it will spread like crazy.

I recorded this video down below on my iPhone. We were given permission. Enjoy!

   My friends and I went to a all male cabaret at the casino called Thunder Down Under. The tickets were bought in January so we were so waiting for this. I was worried about my head. I was worried that it would ruin the night. But it didnt. It was SUPER loud but I was able to endure. My prize was I got to touch a stripper`s butt. The girls were uber jelly. They just do not have the competitive streak that I do. I had a fun night and would totally do it again.

  I am still going strong with the keto/low carb. I did eat some carbs the night with the strippers. We went to the buffet and it wasn't a good one. So it will be a 2 week climb back up to ketosis. That is okay. I am never gonna beat myself up over what I eat from now on and I did have lots of fun.

  Today has been super humid so I have stayed on 1st floor. I have been loading Microsoft 10 on the lappy my friend gave me. I hope that fixes the problems. I have been cleaning up and doing stuff that I have been avoiding like cleaning honey from the lining of my Kate Spade bag. It is outside drying as I type.

  My gut still sucks. I had to stop in the middle of this to take a Zofran cause I am nauseated. It isnt really helping. The office is closed so I am basically assed out in that regard. I sent a sample out yesterday and they called bright and early to tell me I still have CDI. I have to go into the office next week. We will have to be more aggressive with this I reckon.

   I had a appt with my Ophthalmologist this Monday. He was checking my eyes for Papilledemia because of the IIH and I have been having issues with my vision. I basically cannot drive at night unless it is local. I get blurry out of the blue. And I was just freaked out that the IIH had gotten to my eyes even though my symptoms have been great. There is no paps. My eye pressure and veins look amazing. I do need to up my readers a smidge (150 for reading, 100 for the laptop) but I do not need glasses for distance at this time. This is where I was stumped.

Then what the hell is wrong??

He said my lenses in front of my Irises are yellow. My issues are because of cataracts. Fucking Cataracts!!! If you have been reading here for any length of time, you may remember that I talked about the optometrist telling me 3 years ago that I had teeny tiny itty bitty cataracts but they are not to worry about. Well, time to worry. My diabetes accelerated the growth of those fuckers. This is why I have trouble seeing in dim lights. This is why bright lights make my vision really bad. It seems the lens helps distribute light that enters your eye. A cataract is like having a dirty windshield. Hard for the light to come in so stuff is blurry or smoky.
He kept says *47 yrs old*.. Like he was amazed. Yeah bitch, I know. I am a special kind of fucked up. I just read that when you have the cataracts removed, it could accelerate glaucoma and retinopathy. Oh Joy! I always worried about losing a foot but just take my eye balls.
 Yeah, I am keeping those last tidbits to myself and for anybody that reads this. 

Aint that some fucked up shit? Do you believe me now? I got somebody throwing bad juju my way cause I wasnt a good enough friend. I am not depressed over this but I really want some potato chips. But I will not. I have to stick with the course. If THAT diagnosis wasnt enough to keep me from eating a starch, then I deserve all that I get.
He did say that I can wear yellow tinted glasses like the ones on tv, and I will be able to see at  night again. I have to wear sunglasses while I am out all the time too. Keep my sugar low and wear sunglasses and I might be able to slow it down.

Low Carb For Life!!

  I had to tweak my macros because I listened to stupid people that were telling me to eat more protein and less fat cause they know it all. If I eat too much protein, it converts to sugar and raises my blood sugar levels. I am going to stick with 20-25 grams of carbs, 65 grams of protein, and 120 grams of Fat..but that is just a top  number. I have never been able to eat that much fat in a day and I am trying to lose weight. Pay day is tomorrow. Kid #2 and I are gonna get sneakers for walking. Good and strong ones. On humid days like today, we will walk in the morning or at the Mall.

Summertime 2016

*229*

   I am laying out on the couch with the little dogs with the AC intermittently going and contemplating what is for dinner. I am thinking a stir fry of cut up pork chips with onion and red bell pepper. That is probably gonna be it. Easy peasy meal. 

  I have some really great news. I called my endo office yesterday to find out what dosage of Lantus insulin I should take at night. I stopped taking it for over a week to see what my numbers were. I would have a before bed number around 110. My morning number would be like 130-140. Those are not normal people numbers but they are good for me. He said I don't have to take it anymore. Stop taking the lantus!! I have changed my life by myself. This is huge news for me. I went from the prospect of just careening down hill two months ago with this type 2, to eat low carb and discontinuing one of my insulins. The other is humolog. I take that with meals. Barely take it with meals. So I basically use it on occasion. Like I might need a small dose cause of the veggies I will eat tonight. Best news of my life in recent times. 

  Lu is not doing so great. I think her heart meds are not working like they did. She is close to last resort because she is so small. I am keeping her comfy, full, and happy. When the time is right, I will take her in. I love her to bits and pieces and I will be heartbroken over her. But not everything lasts forever. This I know. She is on three meds for her heart. That is more then some people. I will enjoy her now while I have the time. 

  The garden is doing okay. There was an issue with the potted plants here at the house. The plants started to turn yellow. I added some Miracle Grow and they are perking back up. Our broccoli was a major dud. We found out that we put too many in the space. We will pull them out and plant some leafy lettuce. I also learned that right now is a good time to pull all the flowers off the pepper and tomato plants. They need more time to grow and flowering is not the time. I will get bigger plants if I do that. You learn something new every day. Our strawberries have been a big crop. We have harvested about 4 quarts so far and we still have fruit that isn't ready yet to pick. I am very happy this year with the progress.

   Since my Dr appt when I decided that low carb high fat would save me, I have lost 17lbs. My gastro appt is on Monday. I am hoping to drop another 3-4lbs so that I can at least show that I lost 20. I didn't make it to the 30lbs but he won't balk at the 20. He has been trying to get me off diabetes meds forever. My stomach is still iffy at times but not as bad as it was before. It doesn't have the carbs and sugar to feed off of. Except for a couple French fries in the beginning, I have stuck to my plan. I have had to tweak it here and there because I had stalled a little in weight loss and I figured out I was eating too much fat and not enough protein. Hubby has joined me also. He sees how the results are working for me and he wants some of that! Lmao

  I am going to be going to the beach at least once a week, maybe more. I am wearing sunscreen but not spf 5000. Part of my problem is not enough vitamin d, so I will try to fix that with some good old fashioned sun bathing. I won't be out there for hours but enough to get a bit of color, enjoy the day, and get in the water. The ocean was too cold today for swimming. It needs some warm days to get the water at a better temp. 

  

 We have been walking much more. It is starting to get warmer so I won't be able to do it when the temps reach the upper 80s to 90. I have to stay out of sun. 

That is about it here with me. I need to get off this couch now and start the dinner. The man will be off work in an hour. 

Have a great rest of your day!

C-difficile. The gift that keeps on giving.

*239* according to my scale. *229* according to gastro`s scales (i tried both)

  I have C-diff again...ongoing but I have the dreaded runs. I am being put on the last bastion of meds to kill it. It is called Dificid. Thank goodness we reached our deductible. It is some expensive shit..no pun intended. I was at the ER last night because I was dehydrated and my pulse was a bit fast. I am better now in that regard. I have to push the water. And hope for the best. I am in pain but that is just the way life goes. It doesnt stop me completely.

  We sure are having a nice cold and slow Spring here. It is May 17 and  I wore a sweater for parts of the day. It is good for some of the colder plants. My lettuce and greens are growing nicely. This weekend is the plant sale and I am hoping for some tomato, pepper, and basil plants. If I can get some Japanese eggplant, that would be good also.

   I am on my 2nd week of low carb and I am doing fine. Kid #2 and I went for ice cream. It was diabetic friendly Butter Pecan. My sugar only rose slightly. I have a treat! A real treat that tastes bad but it is good. It is the little things.If I could find carb free chips, It would be IT!

   I am in pain from sitting so this is brief today. I will check to let you know if the meds worked.
Toodles!

Friday the 13th

*239*

   Wah Wahhhh on the computer.  There is something wrong with it. It doesnt have a virus or malware and  I deleted Adobe Flash. Still slow as constipation but it almost has full memory and such. That is as far as my abilities run. I have to get hold of our computer geek. He works 3rd shift so it will be interesting how we coordinate. It will get done though. So I am still using my mouse to paste the fucking letter n.
  
 For those that have read here for awhile, I have been battling my weight for more then the 6 yrs that I have been whining on here. This week I was placed with a dilemma. I had my 3 month diabetes checkup Monday. It wasnt good. I have to up my night time insulin by 5 units and my mealtime insulin by 6 units. THAT IS ALOT!  To jump from 20 to 25 is alot at least for me. He said that I am at a crossroads. I have to either really change my eating or enter a vicious cycle. The more insulin you take, the more weight you gain, and then you need more insulin. 
I choose life.  
  I have been eating low carb since Monday morning. I have walked 3 times this week with kid #2. I REFUSE to gain the weight back. I basically eat everything except wheat, bread, pasta, rice, beans, white potato, sweets, sugars, junk food, etc. Lots of veggies, eggs, meats, fats, and minimal fruits. I have to go look up the glycemic index to see what grains I could safely eat at all.
 I am staying on my old insulin doses for now. If I have stuck to this for a month, I will call the office to let my endo know what is going on. I post my blood sugar levels on IG as a accountability to show myself that I am sticking to it. I had gone up to 244 but as you can see, I am back on track. 
  My body is treating foods differently now and I have to control that or turn into a fat diabetic blob that is eating her Hershey bar.

  My dear friend`s, A, mother passed away this week also. So much death this year. She had end stage emphysema.Very sad end. A wants to be left alone. It is killing me cause I love her and I have a need to make her feel better.
 
I did plant and there are pics and videos on my IG. Please take a look if you would like. I have to get going here. It is Friday and I have stuffs to do. 

High on blood sugar

Bridge closed for awhile cause of snow

*232* <---i think

 I bought a  new scale today because the old one shit the bed. Well, the scale at home and the scale at the Dr is different. My scale says I am fatter. I will ignore it for now. It is sad when one scale makes you happy and the other makes you frown. I am paying attention to how my clothes feel and they are still loose.
  This weekend I had a real revelation and a scare this morning. My pancreas must be having issues cause if I eat any bread, pasta, rice, or bad for yous..my blood sugar shoots to the moon. Like scary numbers for me. I woke up this morning still super tired. I took him to work (in the snow) and ate a bagel lightly buttered. I guess I should have checked my blood sugar first. It was almost 400! I have never ever EVER seen that number before. I took insulin and it is going down. I have to follow what the gastro says and stop veering. I need to follow what the neuro says and stop veering.
Low carb, low sodium, no processed, no dairy, lots of fruits, vegs, legumes, and whole grains. It is so hard though. I sound like I am whining and I am. Your crazy body craves stuff. And when you are told that you shouldnt have it, it is like you now have to have it.
 I have said this before and I am rolling my own eyes at myself but I have to do this. I did eat a great lunch...crabcakes, avocado, and seaweed salad. I am going to try my damndest!

   Lu has to start taking another pill to stop the coughing. I do realize now that she doesnt have long on this Earth. She has been taking meds for 3 months now so she could have 3-9 more months left. I am trying to be grown and give her plenty of love for her days with us. That is all I am going to say about that.
  I have a TO DO list sitting on the wall in front of me. I have a bunch of stuff to do including our taxes. I was going to do it today but because of my blood sugar making me feel like shit, I choose to do it tomorrow instead. I have to mail a ebay and I am going to finish sorting thru my clothes for donation. That would be a good snow day activity!

Okay..I  need to get moving.
Have a great Monday!

Spending Update #1 aka I SUCK

*255* <----I effin gained. Must stop that now!


   I have done really good at saying no to myself. I was all ready to buy yarn today to make a scarf but I said no. But last night I was super tired, didnt have the energy to cook so we all went out for breakfast. $60. Dummy.  I suck at this. But I have to continue. Fall off the horse. Get right back on. Right back on! Yay!  I have to be strong.

  The furnace is lovely. We have heat all over the place. It makes us all happy. I have to curb the dependants though. They think constantly jacking the heat up to 70 is just because they endured a month with no heat. Yes, we were cold. Yes, we are good now. Still costs money to run that you are not providing.


 I have to get dressed here soon. I have to go grocery shopping and later this afternoon I have to pick up a couple batches of apples for super cheap from the farm I go to. $5 for half a bushel. I will make some apple sauce and a pie. Like my fat ass needs a pie.

  I gained weight! My clothes still are okay but I gained weight. I have to stop this today. The holidays are over. Time to rein in the junk food. Healthy eating. Cottage cheese! Veggies! Yogurt! Fruit! Protein! Whole Grains! Water! Walk away from the bread, pasta, rice, and white potatoes, girlfriend. Chocolate is not your friend right now.
 Oh yeah..I am probably going thru actual menopause now. Periods will be days and days late then when I get it, it lasts a day. A DAY!  Woot Woot! I really have to buy myself a good pair of sneakers with some inserts. I have to get my walking back on. Stupid feet. Stupid diabetes.

Okay, I am done with all that wallow. It is a cold and sunny day. I am going to enjoy it!

The Change

*244*<----For reals!

  It is going to be a hot one tomorrow so I want to get much done today before then. It is just after 8am. I have watered outside plants, planted cucumbers, picked a couple strawberries, made coffee and consumed one cup so far. I have so many things to do but I think I will concentrate on cleaning the kitchen, getting Portuguese soup going in crock pot, bake the chocolate bundt cake I promised for FD, clean the downstairs bathroom (yuck), and work on sorting through all the shit here in the dining room. I would love to own a pretty round dining set with four chairs. I am tired of how crowded it still is in here. Everything in time.

  I have some changes going on in my life. My oldest has flown the coop and it is looking like when she comes back, it will be temporary. The youngest is working, making that green. Eventually we might have a empty nest.

  I am going through some changes too. I am in the thick of perimenopause. I didn't get my period. 12 days late so far. I was wickedly bitchy but that went away. So I am thinking it aint coming this time around. It is weird. I thought I would be happy like I joked for years but part of me doesn't like that it didn't come. I really have to make a appointment with a new gyno. I just keep putting it off.

  The other thing that has changed is my energy levels and cognitive, which I have talked about before here. Why I mention that is because I think I want to try to go back to work. Full time work. Making a living wage. Partly because we need the money. Partly because I feel I can do it and at least want to try. I am afraid nobody will hire me. I am 45 and have not worked in 12 years. I have a large gap that would be in my resume. How do I explain that? You tell them you were on disability and your resume would go in the shredder. I cannot work corporate retail at all. My right hip is a issue where I have to be able to sit down periodically so that I am not in immense pain. Baby steps, though. I have to get some therapy first to prepare myself for this. Then the next step is to talk to Social Security about it cause they have a back to work program. After that, I dont know. It has been 12 years. Almost 20 years since I interviewed. I would know where to look.




  I feel like that I could really do this. I just have to dip my toe in. This could be a second chance at earning a living. That would be very exciting.
As for my diabeetus, it is what it is. Some days are good. Some days arent. I am doing well with the low carb eating.  I havent gone extreme yet cause I have to wait for money to buy all my supplies at the end of the month. I have lost weight so that accounts for something!
 

Where I was...Where I am going.

*249*

  I was bored so I went poking around in my blog. I went to my very first blog post ever, And the story begins.  I learned a couple things. I posted my weight for all to see...283lbs. Doing the math tells me that from that weight, I have lost 34 lbs since I started this blog 4 years ago. <----that is unacceptable. I also learned that when I tell you I have had diabetes for 10 years...It has now actually been 14 years. Damn. I have been stuck on that 10 and never effin budged. If you see me posting 10 years, you have permission to cyber slap meh.
  It took me four long years to finally get it. I want to be negative on myself about this but I just cannot. I have finally understood what I have to do to get better, and I am doing it. Four years of lying to myself and living the same way, day in and day out. I can say that I never went back to smoking. That is for sure! Part of me wants to go back on that day and tell me to get it in gear, girlfriend! You are damaging yourself! You are talking a good game but you are gonna leave this world sooner then later if you do not do something about it!



I guess I needed a few surgeries and a sad assed liver to get me to where I needed to be.
 I still want to achieve the 210. I am 249 now. Only got 39 lbs to go. I am going to achieve that goal this year. I want to achieve it by the Spring.
 Goal has been set.

Goodbye, sweet food of youth

Tomorrow is May Day

*263* <----official from the Dr`s office scale

 My A1C from the last time I was at the Dr office was 9. That is bad! Very bad. I had the blood test done again this morning so hopefully it will be much better.
 I have been bitching and moaning for so long about losing weight but never doing anything about it. After my appointment today, I realize that I have to so that I can live longer with less suffering.

 I am not going to worry about the exercising right now, as I have been told. He said the yard work that I am doing is good. Since my calf has been bothering me, I need to ease into exercise at first by upping my daily movement.
 Today for lunch, I had nothing because I am stupid and coffee was about it. For lunch (after appointment), I had a 3 egg omelet with onion, chorizo, and American cheese with a sliced tomato on the side. I am defrosting boneless chicken for dinner. I have no idea what I am going to do with it at all.
 I can feel the eyes rolling from a couple certain bitches out there. If you cannot be supportive, go stalk somebody else`s page, heifer.

  Going to eat small amounts of carbs, lots of fruits and veggies, meat and dairy are good. Eggs will save me! And lots of water and sugar free beverages. No pizzas, fries, chips, candy, cakes, ice cream...anything with sugar is a NO.  One of my friends added me to some group that is all about sharing ideas, exercises, and the like. I am just reading right now. I am not ready for any tear inducing Ab challenges. If I can take a daily walk without dying, I will be good.

This is all I am going to say about this today. I am letting it sink in. So far my sugars are in the normal range. I think that is how I will steer this. Normal sugars mean feeling better and not falling apart.

I hate diabetes

*260*

 I got a call from my Endo`s nurse this morning. They wanted to tell me about my diabetic blood draw aka A1C. It is 8.6. That is horrific! That is not good at all! That is all the crap I have been eating for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  It is a damaging number, is what that is. I will be honest. I have been eating what i want and then playing catch up with the insulin. Not a good thing to do. You are supposed to do your insulin, eat your meal, and that is that. No catch up.
 He had suggested that I give the low carb eating a try again. Maybe if I can stick with that way of life, I can forgo anymore damage to my body. Like whatever is wrong with my gut right now.
 I am dealing with alot of shit right now and this is not one of the things I wanted added. I have to also say that I was dealing with a massive amount of infection in my head. That could contribute to some of the numbers being off. That is not an excuse. Infection does raise your blood sugars. But I know that is not the only reason.
 So I guess I have to change my life for real this time. No thinking about it. No talking about it. No dabbling in it. I have to actually do it. The low carb amounts are going to kill me and I am going to be such a bitch but I have to do it to live longer.
One thing I have to give up is sugar. I drink two cups of coffee a day, maximum. In one cup, I put light cream and one teaspoon of sugar. I used to use artificial sweetener but they started giving me headaches. I can also go back to using soy milk and soy creamer with no problem.
 You know, if a Dr ever tells you that you are pre-diabetic or that you have gestational diabetes when you are pregnant, take it seriously!
 I did not and look at me. 10 years since diagnosis. I am almost 44 years old and I am falling apart on the insides. I fear that I will not live to 50 for some reason. I have to try to get well on the inside so that I can fix the damage that I have already done.

A plan must be made:
 Low carb eating forever. Fred and I both. I will not limit him to 25 carbs a day cause he is a guy and needs more calories because he works. I need to find some recipes that will help us.

Ding Ding Ding!!! Just got another call back from the Dr office. They got my scans. I do have a kidney stone but that would not be causing the pain that I am feeling. I do not have any gallstones that they can see BUT my bile duct is enlarged. Which could mean that I am getting ready to develop one inside of it and that is not a good. If it blocks the flow of bile, I will be in screaming pain and could like burst. They are calling the surgical team at the hospital to get me in ASAP. If my pain becomes excruciating, I am to go to the ER.

I am going to eat some low carbness now but I need to really read up like I did before and print out some recipes and ideas for eating. I will come back to this after my surgery. Fuck!

And how is your new year shaping up?

Wednesday was a Hot Mess!

Someone is not pleased

*273*  <----I need to lay off the stress eating and the Easter candy!!
***This is going to be a looonnnnggg post so you might want to get a beverage.***

   First off, see my curb picked chairs! My friend had them outside of her spa, free for the taking. They are gorgeous and sturdy. I have a plan now! I am going to paint these and two stools (from same person) in the same colors. Then I am going to get some fabric for the reupholstering the cushions and I have a big foot stool that needs to be re-done also. This is part of my re-decorating. I need to get rid of this cabinet behind me. The person that was gonna take it fell through. I think it is going to end up outside and then eventually the dump. I do not want to deal with creepy craigslist people. *shaking head*. I want to get rid of it because it does not fit my needs anymore. I want another wire shelving unit like the one I have. I want to use it to stock my canning. I will have it anchored to the wall so the cats do not mess up my goodness.
So nice freebie pick, huh? All the animals and our big butts like it!

  The chairs were the highlight of my day after all the bullshit I went through. Ugh. We will start with the pre-op appointment with the Dr. I went in thinking that my outpatient surgery will be April 18, 2012. I go in there and they tell me that it has been moved to May 3rd and I need to get medical clearance from my GP. I was never told I needed to go get the medical clearance. I was mad because no one called me to tell me things had been moved. I specifically scheduled my trip to see Dale with enough time to heal. Now what?
   It was a long visit. I was scheduled for 1030 and I did not actually see my Dr until 1220. Yup. He explained later (without breaking hippa laws) that he had a patient that needed to go to hospital but she was hesitant. So he had to explain to her the severity of her situation. THAT is why it took soooo long. I basically tell him that I am not pleased. I was under the assumption that I was going to be having surgery  next week. How is this going to effect my trip? He said that it would not be prudent for me to go on the trip if I had surgery May 3. I said, Then I guess we will have to schedule my surgery after my trip! Non-refundable tickets! I was nice to him because he is a really nice guy. He just has some brusk office workers. They deal with hormonal bitches all day long. Not saying it is not right but I get it. He left and said he would be right back. He cracked the whip. They were able to get another patient to change their surgery date with me AND they were able to get hospital scheduling to change also. I have to go see my GP on Monday (squeezing me in) to get  medical clearance for my diabetes because I have surgery on Wednesday. Phew! It is because he is friends with Fred. I know to some that would be considered favoritism and I totally agree with you. My husband has worked at that hospital for 23 years and he is a friendly guy. He knows a lot of people. Nurses, Doctors, higher ups, and lower downs. I am a very lucky lady to have Fred in my corner.  So I left and I was good.

   I picked up Natalie so we could run errands.
 Now, you all know me to be a nice, loving person that would do anything for you. I do have a slight temper that usually is directed towards my family..dogs included. I joke that I am gonna slap a bitch but that is usually in my mind cause the days of tussling are over now. Fatty don't do jail cells.

I spent more money then I should on necessities but we will just be poor for the week. I have done it before. As long as there is gas, food, and I have my Vicodin for my surgery..all is okay.

So I go to the 7-11 down the street from my house. I am a regular. It is in my neighborhood. I have lived in this part of NL for 18 years. I go in to get my usual..Loaf of Calise bakery round Italian sliced bread, a small sized Gulp of Diet Pepsi, and $25 in gas. This woman works there now that is quite weird and whenever she works, the lines are long. So I tell her gas for the big white Jeep..over there----> She punches in whatever, takes my money and I am on my way. Natalie is in the Jeep. I go to pump the gas but the pump isn't turned on. I actually said. Oh God. This has happened before with her. One cold night I bought $20 in gas, she didn't turn the pump on and then she said that she had no record of me paying for gas. I told her to turn it on. After about 10 minutes or so, she did.
This time was different.
I came in and politely said Could you please turn the pump on?  I am not going to go thru the entire conversation but the gist of it was..I never gave her $25 to pump gas. She did not even remember me from the point of walking to my car and back. She did not even remember our transaction!! She came out to the pump and told me that I was a liar. That I had already pumped the gas. I said, HOW? You said I never gave you any money? I was standing there in front of a group of people in line, yelling at this woman to either give me my money or my gas. I said, "This is not the first time you have done this to me." She says, "I have never seen you before in my entire life!" OMG!! She waits on me all the frigging time. Someone is either off their meds or taking meds that they shouldnt. Then I screamed "Where is Mohammed???" (he is the boss). He won`t be in till the morning. I wanted her to take my name and number cause I was going to talk to Mohammed in the morning. Oh yes I was! I asked her. "What are you gonna do when you cash out later and realize you are $25 over?" She said" it wont happen". I was so pissed, I actually went to another store and picked up a lemonade 4 loko malt.
 Later after grocery shopping I come home and there is a message...from her. She said that I could come down to the 7-11 and pick up my $25. VINDICATION!!!!
I go down there and the young guy is on. He gives me the money and tells me that dummy had turned on the kerosene pump behind the store. That is where my $25 went. That is why she could not find it at first. He asked me if I was going to tell Mohammed. "He will be in at 8am tomorrow morning!" He proceeds to tell me that this lady always messes up and because he works after her..blames him for it. So he really wanted me to tell him.
So this morning I did. I tattle taled. I have not done that since I was a little girl but I do not care. He needed to know.
I walked up to him and shook his hand and said my name is Heidi. Even though he has known me for over 15 years, he doesn't know my name. I told him what happened. When I told him the part when she called me a liar, his whole demeanor changed. He said, You are not a liar, I know you! He made me get a free gulp soda. I said that if I am coming for gas or anything and she is here, I will shop elsewhere. Nothing against him at all. I just do not want to encounter her again. I told him that I was very strong but I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. She was going to get hit by me so I had to not be around her anymore.
 So she will either still be working there or she will get fired. I do not know. Part of me feels badly if she gets fired but she should not be working customer service. She was pissy at me from the moment I walked back into the store.

Then I scored those gorgeous chairs (i am sitting in one now), and I took Natalie and Raymond to chinese buffet. They had seafood galore and I was sooo happy! I was not cooking after the day I had.

Today i am going to make Fred`s rubbed chicken wings and french fries for dinner. I think I will get some lettuce at Pezzello`s and make a nice salad too.
.Natalie said she was shocked. She had NEVER seen me yell at someone other then family and it scared her a little. She was proud of me because I never swore at the woman the whole time until the end.

That was my day yesterday...hope yours was mucho better!

Facial Piercings and the Rapture

*280* <------According to the Drs scale

Natalie took out most of her facial piercings. She took out the angel bites (2 on upper lip), spider bites (2 on lower lip), septum, and left side of nose. She is keeping tongue, one side of nose (put a hoop in), her smiley (smaller hoop), and her vertical labret.

She just wanted a change and I understand that. I am a bit thrilled to be able to see her face without all the extra hardware but I will miss the septum. I was getting worried that she was gonna have a face full of metal. She is way too pretty for it. We shall see.
Before I talk about the end of the world, let me tell you what happened at the Dr. He upped my night time insulin and told me I am doing good. He said I am smart and know what I am doing. He can understand my frustration with having NO control instead of like before when I took the Actos. The actos let me eat whatever the hell I wanted and it worked out the blood sugar on it`s own. Now I have to think about what I eat. I have to remember to bring my pen for meals. I have to up it or lower it depending. It is a pain in the ass my friend. Tonite I am making spaghetti sauce with meatballs and sausage to bring over my friend, A`s house. She loves when I cook for her and she works and deserves a good meal once in awhile that she did not have to prepare. Dr told me to take 8cc of insulin and I should be good to go.
 Rapture Smapture. It is supposed to happen at 6pm tomorrow evening and it is going to follow the time zones. Yeah, Jesus and God knew all about the time zones back in Biblical times. I got some Rapture snacks anyway just in case. It will be fun to watch all those believers lose their minds! Ha!
   Okay, My ass needs to get in gear. I have pasta sauce to make and I have not even made the meatballs yet!

Bacon! Bacon! Bacon! Bacon!

*284* I actually lost weight!

This past week I had gained weight and I did not change the 283 cause I was just disgusted. But my body must have had to catch up to the exercise because I lost 4 lbs! My sugar this morning was 117. I had to put my glasses on cause I thought I was reading it wrong. ROFL It is never that low. That is a good thing.
For some reason, I have been getting a Reader`s Digest in the mail lately. Yesterday was my 3rd. Either someone sent it to me or I dont know. I never got any conformation that I was getting it as a gift. It just started showing up..and no bill.  So if you are out there..Thank you!!
Anyway, the front cover of the new issue is about how to really lose weight. Scientifically speaking the government has been lying to us all along. Most obese people are suffering from a hormonal problem not a intake of too much food problem. They said if you ask an obese person why they overeat, they do not have an answer. It is chemical. It is like they are addicted to the carb and sugar crap.  If they change their way of eating, the pounds could drop off.  I do want to want to talk about the entire article cause I need more coffee. Basically, you should be following the tried and true diabetic diet, Atkins diet, or the low carb diet. But the Dr  does not want you to call it a diet because it is not temporary. We should be eating like our ancestors did. They knew to avoid carbs on a daily. They ate meat when they could get it and lots of green leafy veggies. You know those greens you pass in the produce aisle? No not the lettuce. I am talking about the greens. Collards, Mustards, Kale, Swiss Chard, Dandelion, Broccoli Rabe, and the like. Those are what you should be eating. I do now because of my vegan daughter.

So Fred and I are going to embark on a food experiment. We will go week by week.
I have talked about this before but I never got so fired up about it like I am now. We are going to eat all LOW CARB. We will be the Anti-Vegan! Except we will be eating veggies. LOL

So here are the things we cannot have.
Potatoes, pastas, white rice, sugar, candy, sweets of any kind, fruits, fruit juices, oh and I forgot..no bread. No sugary drinks like soda, canned iced tea, Gatorade. Nope. Only diet flavored.
Here are the things we can have.
Beef, Pork, Poultry, fish, cheese, eggs, butter, oils, Non-Starchy Veggies, pickles, etc etc.  We can eat as much as we want. If I wanted to eat a half a chicken for dinner with a side of creamed spinach..go for it girlfriend!!
The sugar is going to be hard for me. I use one teaspoon of sugar in each cup of coffee I drink. Most days that is 2 teaspoons of sugar. I think I may let that be my cheat..for now.  Fred will probably cheat with his Gatorade.
That is basically it. I have a recipe for mashed cauliflower that tastes just like mashed potatoes. We can have spaghetti squash! LOL
I am going to try this because I want off of my insulin. If I can do that..I will be victorious.
I am wondering if Fred and I could eat some different gluten free pastas, if that would be okay. I will learn more on that.
Today I am making a big pot of French Onion soup. I have french bread to toast for floating but NO NO NO. We are not going to have that. Plenty of cheese instead!
This morning I am going to make bacon, grilled onions, cheese and eggs in a big ole messy scramble. Enough to fill us up!
Wish us luck...

Walking does a body good

My good friend, A. asked me if I wanted to take a walk on the boardwalk at the beach this afternoon. Of course I wanted to go. It has been a gorgeous weekend here in Old CT and I needed to kick start my new life plan. There is nothing better then hearing the clop clop clop of your feet on the wooden board walk. A. and I talked and walked for a mile..I think. She was paying attention..I was not. I can be a major nosey assed looky loo when it comes to being out in public. Once we were done, we parted ways, and I was on my way home.
  I have to talk about some things that a lot of you do not know about me. I have been dealing with many health issues over the past few years besides the diabetes. Many of my friends know what I have gone through but I have mostly kept it to myself. I do not want pity. I just wanted to let you know that there are going to be days where you could shove a firecracker up my ass..I aint doing nothing! That is not me being lazy.
  Ten years ago I found out I had diabetes by accident. I was in the ER because I was sick as a dog. They did blood work and came in and told me matter of factly. You just tell someone they have a morbidity disease like you are telling them the time of day. Golly Gee!, thanks Doc. At the same time, my Mother was going through the end stages of Parkinson`s disease and complications from Diabetes. I was a mess. And I was sick and very tired. I started having weird pains in my legs or in my hands. I was cold or I was hot. Many Drs told me there was nothing wrong with me. "You just need to change jobs" said one. I was directed to a specialist in NYC and I finally got an answer. I had Fibromyalgia  and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I deal with the pain fine. I am in pain every single day of my life but it is a part of me now. If I complain about pain, it is because it is a bit harsher then usual. The fatigue and brain fog is what I hate but it is also a part of me.  I got over it and I moved on. I learned to pace myself and rest when I needed to. I never promised because I did not know what tomorrow would bring. Then three years ago I was diagnosed with Meneire`s disease. I would not wish that disease on my worst enemy. I have found a couple good friends online that are dealing with it also. We can just give each other support. I have had a couple surgeries not including the herniated disc. The newest trick out of the funbag is now I have plantar fasciitis in both feet! Fuckers! The right foot is doing really well. I have been stretching the hell out of it. The left foot has a way to go. So I am walking long distances with majorly painful heels.  All this shit is wrong with me but I still smile. I still crack jokes. I swear like a sailor. I will give you my last dollar. I am a loyal friend. I can bake my ass off.
But I am also different then most 41 year olds.  So I am going to have down time. My youngest and I had already talked about this in terms of going to the gym. Right now I can only do it every other day. I cannot do everyday. I need the next day to recoup. I would be crippled if I did it everyday. I tell ya, if I was ever on the Biggest Loser..I would slap the shit out of Jillian if she caught me some attitude cause my ass was tired. Oh yes I would. That would be the only muscle in my body that would still be working. hehehe
There are going to be days when I am just not going to do it. I will be honest if I am just being lazy. And I will be honest if I am in pain .

That walk was real good. But I am going to pay for it tonight. I can already tell. I am going to be hobbling to the bathroom. Good thing I have stuff to grab onto.
Oh Mama!

And the story begins

That is what my sister used to call me when I was a chubby adolescent. Chubbette! She thought she was so funny and clever. Not realizing she probably scarred my ass for life. But I digress. This is not going to be a blog about my past crap. This is going to be a daily account of my journey into changing my life. I have always been fat but I had maintained a good weight and size for my height of 5`3". I always stayed around the 210 lb mark. Now that I look back, I looked good. I did gain weight with both of my daughter`s births but I always went back to that good ole reliable 210. Oh, how I miss you 210. Where the hell did you go??  Ten years ago I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I was a non compliant diabetic. I did take my medication every day but I did not follow any other rules. The ones like lose the excess weight and do not eat that crap anymore! Now I am on pills and insulin. I started taking the insulin a month before the surgery and the quitting smoking. The weight started to creep up. Now, let me state for the record that I have not been 210 in about..umm...5 years. I have been about 230-240lb. Holy Shit! Heidi is going to be honest. I might even post some pictures. I have to be honest otherwise this whole thing would be for nothing. Right?
Okay, so the weight started to creep up. I figured it was the not smoking (i will talk about how I did that in another post) and the hell of the surgery (another post). Creep. I started to walk with Hubs. Creep. I complained to my Dr. He said I needed to eat less AND exercise. Okay. So my Youngest and I started going to the gym. Creep.
It creeped up to my current weight. Drum roll please................283 lbs! On a 5"3" frame! I am not happy. At all.  I finally figured out (after I thought I was dying or had acquired another ailment..more on that later) that the insulin and my food intake were the culprit. When you do not use insulin, your pancreas does not know what the hell it is doing. So everything goes to waste. That is why you feel like crap all the time. You maintain your weight but at a cost. Once you go on insulin, your body figures out what it`s role is in the food distribution. So instead of dumping the excess, it stores it. FAT!
So, I was feeling much better because of the insulin but I was steadily turning into an Oompah Loompah.  My self esteem went into the crapper. I was never one of those chicks that said "Do I look fat? Oh I feel fat? Is my ass fat?" I have become one of THOSE women. Nope. Not going to do that anymore.  On November 17, 2010, it will be my one year anniversary for the surgery and the not smoking. So I had a revelation. Now it is time to start a new chapter. A new anniversary. I am going to work as hard as I can to get down to that 210. I am not looking to be fashion model thin. I just want to see my old friend again.
So, excuse the mess of this blog..It will take me some time to tweak it the way I want it to look. I will post all about my journey, my weight, foods that I am cooking and I will even post about any mistakes that I encounter. Because I am only human. I am woman..Here me scream my ass off on the stair climber!!