Today is Columbus Day. I am not in a debating mood about this holiday, but I want to say something. I am very PRO Indigenous Peoples Day and a day should be designated as a national holiday. Period. My husband, my children, my MIL, and all of her offspring are Indian. My grandfather came from Italy in the end of the 1800s. He came through Ellis Island. I saw the copies of the paperwork. Italians were treated like shit in this country for many many many years. That is not saying that what happened to them and what happened to America`s native people are equal. Far far from it. You will not get an argument from me about that topic. I live in the area where the Pequot nation was at war with the English. The majority of Italians, my small 1/4 piece included, look at Columbo day as our holiday. A celebration of being Italian and the struggles and the triumphs. It was never about Columbus. It was a day off. It was a big dinner. I just think that both sides should be recognized as being equally important. *off soapbox*
I am on my 2nd of coffee. I learned something recently. Drinking bullet proof coffee in place of breakfast will not help with weight loss. You have to either drink it with a meal to offset your fat intake, drink it as a mid day fat add if you are hungry, or dont drink it at all. It will stall me. So I drink plain coffee in the morning and I save the BPC for later in the afternoon as a pick me up both caffeine and fat wise. I dont like *cheat days* because this is a way of life for me.
I totally stepped away for like 2 hours cause I had to do some stuffs. Today is a busy Monday. I am eating my lunch now (three halves of deviled eggs, 4 (maybe 5) slices of bacon and three cherry peppers). After that, we have to go to the garden, harvest the rest of the peppers, and cut everything down. I have potato leek soup cooking in the crockpot. I will freeze it later so that Kid #1 can eat it. I am going to steadily work on finishing the trim in the livingroom. Tonight`s dinner is taco salad and keto jalapeno poppers. I am also going to cook some crispy chicken skin. Yes, I said skin. It is a keto thing and you wouldnt understand.
The eye doctor told me that I am not blind enough to have surgery. The insurance company wouldnt pay for it. He told me to buy a pair of field glasses. They are just straight yellow and it will help with the glare of the lights at night, I hope. Phew. Let`s hope!
Let me go. My bacon is getting cold. I will make sure to come back again. My phone reminds me.
I took a break from the yard work cause I have to save my energy for other things. I can really go overboard and lose my head with time when I do a yard project. Today was no different. My hips started to tell me off, so I decided it was time for some computer time instead. See how that works? My old lady parts like to tell me how it is gonna be and I sometimes listen.
I went to the community garden this morning. I harvested a butt load of tomatoes, peppers, and strawberry transplants. I saved the day cause there was a huge water leak in the main line so I was able to get a garden person to come and take care of it. I came home with the idea that I was just going to plant the strawberries in their new pot and thin out my existing strawberry pot. It got kinda blurry after that. I emptied all the pots from the container garden. They did not do well. I have to learn how to do that better. I still do not have beds in the yard yet! I decided to clean out the small bed by the fronts steps (yeah), dig up a wayward hosta that was too big for the space, clean out all the weeds, go over there to dig up one of my Salvia plants, separate it, trim it, dig holes, and plant in that same little bed. I also pulled down all the perennial Sweet Pea vines (they are pretty but a menace) and bag it all. That is when the hips said STOP IT! So here I sit. Waiting a bit cause I really got to go to the grocery store and I have to take the kid to work. Mondays are always always busy.
I am taking a break from the miserable existence that is my Monday to have a healthy discussion about why I am so hateful lately. If you are not in the mood to read me whine, then just do not do it. Find something way better to do.
I am not gonna look back to see what I already said cause I am in that kind of mood. If I repeat myself, my apologies. Where do i start? Ummmm Yeah, my gut is royally fucked. I am back on the Vanco on a loooooooong taper (day 25 I think) and it isnt working. My colitis is so bad, I feel like I am in a tight corset. If you add in that is humid as all get out, that is a recipe for some asshole comments coming out of my mouth. I am not happy and there is no positivity. I see the gastro next week.
Let me break it down for you. You all know I am slowly falling apart over here. This past month I have been told that the C-diff is being resistant because of my Type 2 diabetes. It doesnt matter that I am eating ketogenic now. The damage is done. I was told that my eyesight is fine for my age and my IIH is not messing with my optic nerves but my problem is Cataracts. Yes! I am a 47 yr old with cataracts so bad that they are effecting my vision. I have a check up in a year but if they bother me more before then, I have to come in. There will be surgery in my future for this. He kept saying *47 yrs old*. It is because of my diabetes also. High blood sugars can accelerate their growth. Good thing I changed my eating but not soon enough. My hips need PT. I start this week. We know I have bursitis but he thinks i have a ball/joint issue. After PT, if they feel I need more help, I will have to have a MRI <---oh joy!
Ummmm...Friday at the vet, Perla had a full on seizure in my arms. I thought she was dying. After that, it was decided it would not be safe to give her oral surgery. So I have two dogs (perla and Lu) that take meds to keep them alive but eventually I will have to put them down. My friend loaned us her car while ours was being fixed (rotor repair became a clusterfuck that cost $580 more). Someone crashed into to it while we slept. Bumper is fucked. It is scratched. The car is 10 yrs old so it only has liability. So to be a good friend, we are paying half. Another $200-300. We know it was the bitch daughter across the street cause she has a big long silver gash on her passenger side of her car. But we cant prove it. I am done talking to those people for life now.
In the midst of all that, I keep having pleasant dreams about my good sister/friend that dumped me two years ago. I am blocked so I cannot talk to her. So I just get to be sad everytime I have one of those dreams. And realize she has moved on and my subconscious is a pathetic loser.
Life for me sucks. And if somebody tells me that I can overcome or I am not trying hard enough or Jesus will heal me...they are gonna get lambasted. How about I dump all this shit on YOU and then I could go have a nice day at the beach. How about that? I just wish I didnt have so much weighing on my mind. It is so exhausting sometimes. I see other people`s faux lives on FB and wish I could have a faux life too. Full of bars, fancy dinners, cruises, trips, get togethers, wine tastings, and all the fun things they seem to be able to cram into their perfect little faux lives. My hightlight of today was watering the garden and harvesting some Bok Choy. Woohoo! It is heatwave territory for us here now. I do have a nice even tan going. There is no pale upper arms for me this year. I have been wearing tank tops every chance I can get. Sucking up all that Vitamin D. I would go to the beach today but I got that whole gut/corset thing going on.
If I could just be happy and maybe get some happy surprises along the way, that would do me a solid in life. It is just one long stretch of the Matrix until I leave this place. Wow, that does sound really ominous, huh? I am just in a long stretch of pain with heat on top so I am moody.
I am late. I am bad and I havent posted. I should get in big trouble but I have been out doing stuff! If you look at my IG, you know. Let me start with some positives and update you on stuff.
Lu is doing. She is still on her steroids. She takes them every other day for the next 10 days. Her heart is good. Today she was coughing a little but it is humid. We are all downstairs with the AC going so it feels good. She will always have issues with her faulty knees on back legs but she is much better then she was.
The garden is going strong both at the community garden and the pots here at the house. I am leaving the buds alone on the tomatoes and peppers now because it is time. It is warm enough and they have all grown quite a bit. The strawberries gave us about 8 quarts this year. We were very happy with that. The blackberries are flowering now so we should start picking in July. I am afraid that the new people that run the community garden will over run the blackberry patch and ruin it. I will just go there early in the mornings and pick my quart like I have been doing for 6 years. If they tell me I am not allowed, I think this will be my last year at the garden. They have made it so that if you volunteer, you get perks. I am too sick to volunteer, but that doesn't matter I guess. I sprayed the crap out of some poison ivy this morning. There is not a huge amount but you cant leave that shit alone or it will spread like crazy.
I recorded this video down below on my iPhone. We were given permission. Enjoy!
My friends and I went to a all male cabaret at the casino called Thunder Down Under. The tickets were bought in January so we were so waiting for this. I was worried about my head. I was worried that it would ruin the night. But it didnt. It was SUPER loud but I was able to endure. My prize was I got to touch a stripper`s butt. The girls were uber jelly. They just do not have the competitive streak that I do. I had a fun night and would totally do it again.
I am still going strong with the keto/low carb. I did eat some carbs the night with the strippers. We went to the buffet and it wasn't a good one. So it will be a 2 week climb back up to ketosis. That is okay. I am never gonna beat myself up over what I eat from now on and I did have lots of fun.
Today has been super humid so I have stayed on 1st floor. I have been loading Microsoft 10 on the lappy my friend gave me. I hope that fixes the problems. I have been cleaning up and doing stuff that I have been avoiding like cleaning honey from the lining of my Kate Spade bag. It is outside drying as I type.
My gut still sucks. I had to stop in the middle of this to take a Zofran cause I am nauseated. It isnt really helping. The office is closed so I am basically assed out in that regard. I sent a sample out yesterday and they called bright and early to tell me I still have CDI. I have to go into the office next week. We will have to be more aggressive with this I reckon.
I had a appt with my Ophthalmologist this Monday. He was checking my eyes for Papilledemia because of the IIH and I have been having issues with my vision. I basically cannot drive at night unless it is local. I get blurry out of the blue. And I was just freaked out that the IIH had gotten to my eyes even though my symptoms have been great. There is no paps. My eye pressure and veins look amazing. I do need to up my readers a smidge (150 for reading, 100 for the laptop) but I do not need glasses for distance at this time. This is where I was stumped.
Then what the hell is wrong??
He said my lenses in front of my Irises are yellow. My issues are because of cataracts. Fucking Cataracts!!! If you have been reading here for any length of time, you may remember that I talked about the optometrist telling me 3 years ago that I had teeny tiny itty bitty cataracts but they are not to worry about. Well, time to worry. My diabetes accelerated the growth of those fuckers. This is why I have trouble seeing in dim lights. This is why bright lights make my vision really bad. It seems the lens helps distribute light that enters your eye. A cataract is like having a dirty windshield. Hard for the light to come in so stuff is blurry or smoky.
He kept says *47 yrs old*.. Like he was amazed. Yeah bitch, I know. I am a special kind of fucked up. I just read that when you have the cataracts removed, it could accelerate glaucoma and retinopathy. Oh Joy! I always worried about losing a foot but just take my eye balls.
Yeah, I am keeping those last tidbits to myself and for anybody that reads this.
Aint that some fucked up shit? Do you believe me now? I got somebody throwing bad juju my way cause I wasnt a good enough friend. I am not depressed over this but I really want some potato chips. But I will not. I have to stick with the course. If THAT diagnosis wasnt enough to keep me from eating a starch, then I deserve all that I get.
He did say that I can wear yellow tinted glasses like the ones on tv, and I will be able to see at night again. I have to wear sunglasses while I am out all the time too. Keep my sugar low and wear sunglasses and I might be able to slow it down.
Low Carb For Life!!
I had to tweak my macros because I listened to stupid people that were telling me to eat more protein and less fat cause they know it all. If I eat too much protein, it converts to sugar and raises my blood sugar levels. I am going to stick with 20-25 grams of carbs, 65 grams of protein, and 120 grams of Fat..but that is just a top number. I have never been able to eat that much fat in a day and I am trying to lose weight. Pay day is tomorrow. Kid #2 and I are gonna get sneakers for walking. Good and strong ones. On humid days like today, we will walk in the morning or at the Mall.
I am laying out on the couch with the little dogs with the AC intermittently going and contemplating what is for dinner. I am thinking a stir fry of cut up pork chips with onion and red bell pepper. That is probably gonna be it. Easy peasy meal.
I have some really great news. I called my endo office yesterday to find out what dosage of Lantus insulin I should take at night. I stopped taking it for over a week to see what my numbers were. I would have a before bed number around 110. My morning number would be like 130-140. Those are not normal people numbers but they are good for me. He said I don't have to take it anymore. Stop taking the lantus!! I have changed my life by myself. This is huge news for me. I went from the prospect of just careening down hill two months ago with this type 2, to eat low carb and discontinuing one of my insulins. The other is humolog. I take that with meals. Barely take it with meals. So I basically use it on occasion. Like I might need a small dose cause of the veggies I will eat tonight. Best news of my life in recent times.
Lu is not doing so great. I think her heart meds are not working like they did. She is close to last resort because she is so small. I am keeping her comfy, full, and happy. When the time is right, I will take her in. I love her to bits and pieces and I will be heartbroken over her. But not everything lasts forever. This I know. She is on three meds for her heart. That is more then some people. I will enjoy her now while I have the time.
The garden is doing okay. There was an issue with the potted plants here at the house. The plants started to turn yellow. I added some Miracle Grow and they are perking back up. Our broccoli was a major dud. We found out that we put too many in the space. We will pull them out and plant some leafy lettuce. I also learned that right now is a good time to pull all the flowers off the pepper and tomato plants. They need more time to grow and flowering is not the time. I will get bigger plants if I do that. You learn something new every day. Our strawberries have been a big crop. We have harvested about 4 quarts so far and we still have fruit that isn't ready yet to pick. I am very happy this year with the progress.
Since my Dr appt when I decided that low carb high fat would save me, I have lost 17lbs. My gastro appt is on Monday. I am hoping to drop another 3-4lbs so that I can at least show that I lost 20. I didn't make it to the 30lbs but he won't balk at the 20. He has been trying to get me off diabetes meds forever. My stomach is still iffy at times but not as bad as it was before. It doesn't have the carbs and sugar to feed off of. Except for a couple French fries in the beginning, I have stuck to my plan. I have had to tweak it here and there because I had stalled a little in weight loss and I figured out I was eating too much fat and not enough protein. Hubby has joined me also. He sees how the results are working for me and he wants some of that! Lmao
I am going to be going to the beach at least once a week, maybe more. I am wearing sunscreen but not spf 5000. Part of my problem is not enough vitamin d, so I will try to fix that with some good old fashioned sun bathing. I won't be out there for hours but enough to get a bit of color, enjoy the day, and get in the water. The ocean was too cold today for swimming. It needs some warm days to get the water at a better temp.
We have been walking much more. It is starting to get warmer so I won't be able to do it when the temps reach the upper 80s to 90. I have to stay out of sun.
That is about it here with me. I need to get off this couch now and start the dinner. The man will be off work in an hour.
It is O'dark 30 here this morning. Downpours over my head woke me up. There is a tropical something passing by today. The garden will be very very happy. It sucks for any cookouts or parades but we here needed the rain. Crossing fingers the basement doesn't flood. Not in the mood.
Today is a month on a low carb way of eating. Yay! I have lost the 7lbs I gained plus like 3 more so far. I stalled a little bit so I had to adjust my macros. When you eat this way, you eat low carb, moderate protein, and high fat. I was not eating enough fat and too much protein. I should start seeing a difference in the weight loss. The endo gave me permission to fiddle with my insulin. His assistant told me that if I kept my shots as they were, I would end up with low blood sugar reactions. So I got that going for me. I feel a lot better. I am not always hungry and I have had some unintentional ketosis which is good. It was so hard to achieve the last time I tried. I am not trying this time but I am sure I am in fat burning. I don't have proof but I just can feel it.
C-diff sucks...the end. I am all done with the Dificid. But my gut still feels wrecked. I keep being told that I will overcome it. It will go away. Right now, I feel like I have no hope for that scenario. Some days I am okay, some days I have pain. I see the gastro in June and I am due for an upper endoscopy. They will see how my ulcers and esophagus are doing. I feel like the meds have helped with it. I don't get the searing pain anymore but pics will give us a clear idea.
So far we have had one hiccup in the garden. The beds have a case of leaf miner. My Swiss chard had to go in the trash. I was able to replace with three types of eggplants and some Anaheim peppers. Leaf miner effects chard, spinach, and beets. A couple of us will try again in the fall. My butter lettuce at home is not doing well. But the ones at the garden are ready for harvest. I will bring the ones from home there and switch them out. I will post pictures when I go to harvest on Tuesday. My buckets of sugar snap peas and beans are growing so well also. I need to twist some twine around the cages to give them more stuff to grab and grow on. I planted three bleeding hearts this Spring and they are all growing nice. Except for the killed chard, it has been a good kick off to the season.
Lu is doing okay. The antibiotic helped her. Her gum infection is at bay and her cough is much better. We just have to dose her ever few months to beat the infection back. Perla the chichi has to go on Friday to the vet. She also has a tooth infection that needs some syrup. She absolutely hates it. It is like mostly alcohol so she fights me every time but for her it works good and longer, she took it like 6-7 months ago so it lasts longer. Lu actually likes the *vodka*. She slurps it down out of the dropper. Little booze hound.
Yesterday night we went to Walmart and picked up the very last 10k btu air conditioner in the store. The price was right and we were very lucky to get it. We will drag it inside after the rain ends later and prop her in the window. I hope it doesn't kill the man's back. Lu and I cannot survive another summer without a swamp cooler. I tried to be all 1976 economical but my IIH demands cool air on some days. I have said we won't abuse it. If it is in the 70s, don't you dare turn it on. No sense and I will be pissed at the electric bill. So yeah, we did a adult thing and bought a big appliance. Feels good that the economy of the house has gotten a little better.
I am going to try to make something called Fathead Pizza this week. It is a low carb crust made from cheese. If it is good, I will share pics and the recipe. I miss pizza sooooo much. If I can find something satisfying to me, it will make me very happy. I tried the cauliflower crust and I just didn't like it. There are alternative flours i can use in baking. Here is coconut and almond flours. I have to make a trip to the store to get supplies. There is also a sweetener for baking called Swerve. I have never had it but it supposedly tastes just like sugar hut without the aftertaste of Stevia. We shall see.
We don't have a grill, yet. So even if it wasn't raining, we wouldn't be cooking out. *insert sad face*. We only had air conditioner money. Maybe next month we will have enough to get a grill. It will happen before the 4th, hopefully.
So that is about it. My head is feeling the effects of the storm. I am gonna roll over and try to go back to sleep. It is 517am. I think I will just have to nap later instead.
*239* according to my scale. *229* according to gastro`s scales (i tried both)
I have C-diff again...ongoing but I have the dreaded runs. I am being put on the last bastion of meds to kill it. It is called Dificid. Thank goodness we reached our deductible. It is some expensive shit..no pun intended. I was at the ER last night because I was dehydrated and my pulse was a bit fast. I am better now in that regard. I have to push the water. And hope for the best. I am in pain but that is just the way life goes. It doesnt stop me completely.
We sure are having a nice cold and slow Spring here. It is May 17 and I wore a sweater for parts of the day. It is good for some of the colder plants. My lettuce and greens are growing nicely. This weekend is the plant sale and I am hoping for some tomato, pepper, and basil plants. If I can get some Japanese eggplant, that would be good also.
I am on my 2nd week of low carb and I am doing fine. Kid #2 and I went for ice cream. It was diabetic friendly Butter Pecan. My sugar only rose slightly. I have a treat! A real treat that tastes bad but it is good. It is the little things.If I could find carb free chips, It would be IT!
I am in pain from sitting so this is brief today. I will check to let you know if the meds worked.
Toodles!
Wah Wahhhh on the computer. There is something wrong with it. It doesnt have a virus or malware and I deleted Adobe Flash. Still slow as constipation but it almost has full memory and such. That is as far as my abilities run. I have to get hold of our computer geek. He works 3rd shift so it will be interesting how we coordinate. It will get done though. So I am still using my mouse to paste the fucking letter n.
For those that have read here for awhile, I have been battling my weight for more then the 6 yrs that I have been whining on here. This week I was placed with a dilemma. I had my 3 month diabetes checkup Monday. It wasnt good. I have to up my night time insulin by 5 units and my mealtime insulin by 6 units. THAT IS ALOT! To jump from 20 to 25 is alot at least for me. He said that I am at a crossroads. I have to either really change my eating or enter a vicious cycle. The more insulin you take, the more weight you gain, and then you need more insulin. I choose life. I have been eating low carb since Monday morning. I have walked 3 times this week with kid #2. I REFUSE to gain the weight back. I basically eat everything except wheat, bread, pasta, rice, beans, white potato, sweets, sugars, junk food, etc. Lots of veggies, eggs, meats, fats, and minimal fruits. I have to go look up the glycemic index to see what grains I could safely eat at all. I am staying on my old insulin doses for now. If I have stuck to this for a month, I will call the office to let my endo know what is going on. I post my blood sugar levels on IG as a accountability to show myself that I am sticking to it. I had gone up to 244 but as you can see, I am back on track. My body is treating foods differently now and I have to control that or turn into a fat diabetic blob that is eating her Hershey bar.
My dear friend`s, A, mother passed away this week also. So much death this year. She had end stage emphysema.Very sad end. A wants to be left alone. It is killing me cause I love her and I have a need to make her feel better.
I did plant and there are pics and videos on my IG. Please take a look if you would like. I have to get going here. It is Friday and I have stuffs to do.
