Fourth of July 2017

*fat fat fat*

   Happy Fourth of July! I hope you have a nice, sunny, and safe holiday today. I hope you have the day off with pay. I am going to be cleaning today but when I get home, I will be re-arranging the living room and we will cook out on the grill. Everyone has the day off except for us having to clean for two hours. No biggie. It helps pay the bills.

   I have started the do no spend July but I did purchase something yesterday that we needed and we were lucky to get. Our living room had two couches that had to go. One had an actual hole in it from the cat. He dug himself a hidey hole. We had to get rid of these couches and I found a really nice custom leather couch with a matching chair for a steal. They even delivered them! So I have to re-arrange the living room today to make it more cohesive. The no spend is on like Donkey Kong but I had to throw that amendment to the rules. We HAD to get rid of those holed couches and if you look at my IG photos, you know why. ......back to the no spend thing in a minute.

  

Do I get to go to work with you?

  That is Kit Kat. Kid #2 and I had decided we did not like the name Kiki so we will call her Kit. Kid #1 will call her Kiki. Her official name on her paperwork at the vet will be Kit Kat. I have been talking for a couple months that I was ready for a new baby since Lu passed away. I had been searching everywhere but could not find anyone that had kittens. Then the kitten explosion happened and everyone wanted 100s of dollars for them. Like seriously? I understand you want a fee so the cat is not used for bait but it is not a Siamese. I lucked out. My friend let me know that one of the local animal controls had a litter. Kid #1 and I went. I wanted another boy because I like boy cats. But this little girl with the curls came home with us. I bought her collar with a bell so we will always know where she is until she is big enough to fend for herself. It took about a week but everyone in the animal kingdom has okay with her. She is full of piss and vinegar, I tell you. She is a true kitteh. I paid $50 for her. That came with a vax and spay certificate. So basically she was free, we rescued her from the pound, and she is a cute little shit. 

   Back to the spending and eating. Yes bitch. Yes! I am going to do it this time. The only bill I have that is not regular is the water bill and other then that, I am sticking to the budget. I have my notebook for receipts and notations. This week I am going to do an inventory of the pantry and freezers. See what I have and eat from them this month. Super glad for the Farmers Market because it is much cheaper then the store. I can do this.  I am also really really really needing to get back on track with keto. I know. I know. I have said this before. My gut has not been happy with my food choices. Not at all. Fuck. I am addicted to sugar and I am addicted to wheat. I act like potatoes are fine because they are just potatoes but they are not fine. They are one of the highest carbs and I am fooling myself into fat girl submission. I have gained weight. I am still in a size 16 but if I continue this trend, I will have to start wearing a size 18 and THAT IS NOT HAPPENING! 

  Of course I talk about this when today is a eating day and this weekend is Sailfest. Kid #2 said she would buy me lunch at Sailfest this weekend. I will get to eat a sausage with onions and peppers (no bun) but I will not break my budget. It is a win/win.  Today for foods I have hamburgers, hot dogs, and Italian sausages. I will be making tomato, cucumber, and red onion salad.  I have chips and dip (no girl). Watermelon and cherries. And I will probably make a small baked mac and cheese for the girls. And of course, always a tossed salad.  I have some ripe avocados that I will be eating too. Yum. I love a good house grill. 

  It wouldnt be my blog without a health thing to talk about. Amiright? 
  

  Soooo. I am having supposed bladder issues. There is pain. But not UTI type pain. I had a regular check up with my gastro. He said if the Urologist cannot figure it out, he will do a colonoscopy. I had made a yearly with my gyno and got in right away. I told him about my bladder issues plus the fact that I am going through perimenopause. He told me that I have fibroids but they wouldnt cause the kind of pain I am experiencing. Yada Yada Yada. Then I tell him about my breast saga. I had said that I was told that if I had a radial scar, it had to come out. But when my endo/gp looked at the results, he said I was fine. I said I love my GP but he is not a breast man. Could you look at the report? He said he would but everything is probably fine. I get a call from his office 2 hours later. I need to see a surgeon. Yup. I made an appt on the 18th with supposedly THE best breast surgeon around.  It will have to come out. Just great.  Oh...and I have to see the Urologist on the 12th. I will have to have that icky scope up my urethra so he can look to see what is going on. He will push pills for over active bladder and I will not take them. I do not want to take pharmaceuticals if I can help it. If it is very very necessary for life and limb, yes. Otherwise, I will deal.  I hate that scope. It feels awful. It feels exposing. I hate it! But I will do it because we have to know why it hurts. It is probably a kidney stone. That is my prediction. 

   What else? Hmmm. Hubs likes the new job. His pay is much less then what he was making before but it is a job and that is ok. He has alot of guy time, he gets to leave in the company truck to make drop offs, he is busy the entire time, and he is sleeping like a stone. I have an appointment with BRS this week. They had me take a test to see what type of jobs I am suited for. I am guessing I will start with help with resume. Help with interviewing. And then finding a job suited to my physical abilities. That is why we will be okay. I will find a nice little job to make up the difference. I am glad I am going to give it a try. He is still going to look for another job though. He does deserve more money. At least $1-2 more. We shall see.
  

   I think our garden is toast. I have not been in a few days. It did rain two days ago but we have been so busy we have not been back. I am afraid that it will be a wilted mess. I hope not. I have some nice tomato plants there. I wish I could have beds here at the house. We just do not have enough sun for that. There are trees in the neighbors yards (front and on the side) that still shade us. The plants will not get a full 5-6 hours of sun a day. It bums me out. I am glad I have the community beds but at the same time, I do not like having to drive two miles away to water and weed. It is a pain in the ass. Especially for someone like me who has issues with body pain.  I am saying it now (and I might change my mind) that this will be my last year at the garden. As much as I love to do it, I will just do containers here at the house and work on boosting flowers instead. Plus..two of our beds are infested with ants. I have tried three times so far to get rid of them but to no avail. It is pissing me off.

  Okay..I think that is about it. I am still in my jammies. I have to get up, take meds, get dressed, and move it. I have a great one. I will be back to give a full report on the Piss Doc and the Boob Surgeon.

TTFN

I must be broken or something

*230* <---all scales are subjective


   I suck. Shake your head at me. I cannot follow through on shit. This was supposed to be No Spend June and it turned into OMG SPEND SOME MONEY BITCH!  I had a vet bill, I had to put oil in the tank, we had to have a dying tree cut down ($600!!!), and I had to buy work clothes for the Hubs new job. Plus I just have no fucking self control when it comes to spending. It started off innocently enough. The heat wave hit and I realized after pulling out all my summer clothes that I owned 2 pairs of shorts total. And one pair was to short for my liking. So i decided that it was okay for me to go to Goodwill and buy some shorts. And I did. I spend $25 on a few pairs of shorts. That is all I bought and I felt okay with that. Then it just snowballed. Again with the take out food. Again with the multiple trips to the grocery store. What the literal fuck, Heidi?

   But if any of you have read here at all, you know that I am a fighter. I will do this again. I am not calling this month a lost cause but I am going to start again fresh for July. Hubs has a new job with different hours. I will have to do all the stuffs around here because he wont be around during the day. When he is around, I do not get much done. I dont know why. Now that he will be gone during the day....I can get the ebay started up again. I can get projects done. I will clean. I will be bored because he is not here so I will do tasks around the house. We shall see if the change in venue will give me a boost of NOT SPENDING. I really am ashamed of myself. I could not even do it for a whole month. There are people out there that have done it for a year. A freaking YEAR!

Okay..I am done flagellating myself.

   Today is the last day of Spring 2017. So far the veggie garden sucks. The only plants that are doing well are the tomatoes. They are growing really nicely. The peppers are not doing well at all. This weird weather has not given them an opportunity to grow. The ones at the community garden looks like they need to be pulled and start all over again. I have time I guess. Yes, buying plants for the garden is spending money. But I place them in the category of food so it is added to the grocery budget.  Since we had the tree cut down in the top yard, we also had some branches trimmed. I got rid of that big one in the side yard that was almost touching the house. Super happy that is gone. We were getting mossy on the roof on that side of the house. Let`s see. Oh yes. I broke the sink upstairs. Dont ask (unless I already told you but I am not searching to see if I did). That was another $200 for a new sink/cabinet/faucet plus give friend some cash for helping. The sink looks faboo though. The old one came with the house and it was supposedly built in to the wall. Like they made it. This one is smaller which is good. Gives the bathroom a little bit more leg room. See, I can be positive.

  Let me think of some positives for this post. Hubs got a new job. We have a beautiful new bathroom sink. The tree that could have fallen on our house is gone. There is more sun in the yard. I took a walk at the beach yesterday......Oh yeah.  Yesterday it was overcast and I decided to take a walk on the boardwalk at the beach in the morning. I did the full boardwalk once. I did not have my sneakers on (last minute decision to go) so I did not want to hurt my feet. I always say that I am going to walk for exercise but I do not. It is because there is this level of guilt that if I go without others, I am a shit head. I do not want to wait until other people decide they want to go. I want to just go. It is better for me to just do it in the morning before it gets hot. Take the two mile walk that I have mapped out, come home, take a shower, and start the rest of my day. I had already decided that tomorrow will be that day.

  What else? Positives! I dont know. I just know I need to get off this computer. I have to strip the bed and wash all the bed linens. I have to water the plants upstairs and vacuum. I have a mountain of my clothes to put away. That is what I will miss the most. Hubs did all the laundry. Now that his shift has flipped, he is going to be too tired to be doing that. Did I just say that? LOL I think he needs to know how much I appreciate him. Oh. I forgot. I had an MRI on my cervical spine. It shows arthritis but there is not bulges or herniations. Yay me!

That is all for now. I am sorry that I missed a week. Last week, I had a UTI from hell and I was just not in the mood for anything. If you have ever had a UTI, you will completely understand.
I will be back next week with more of my whining.

Memorial Day 2017

*237...maybe and hot flashes suck!*

   I hope you are having a solemn and sunny Memorial Day today. It has been raining since pretty early this morning. I think cooking on the grill is a no today for us. Many of the local parades have been cancelled also.  I can cook inside the house but I was so looking forward to charred sausages. At least we wont have to hear any fireworks tonight from the neighbors. Crossing fingers.

   June 1st is the start of an experiment for us as a family. I am going to try to do a No Spend Month. We will pay bills, scripts, necessities, and groceries. We are going to eat out of the freezers and the cabinets also. There is alot of food in there that needs to see the light of day. I will shop for things like perishables but we will extremely limit what we buy at the grocery store this month. I bought my monthly order of low carb bread for Hubs and I. I was going to buy a couple other things but I deleted from the list. Bread is all we really need and bread is all we are going to get. I love the low carb bread by the way. OMG! You can find it on Netrition.com and it is called Great Low Carb Bread Company.   Yes, it is 7.99 a loaf. But the slices are thin and you keep the bread in the freezer to make it last. I bought one loaf of Everything bread. It lasted almost a month. And we were very conservative with it. I bought 3 loaves this time. They will probably last us about two months total. Really good if you are diabetic and want to eat bread again.
  Anyway. I am going to make a list in my notebook of all the necessities I buy for the month of June. If it is not something we need, I am not buying it. I have a packed pantry that needs to be organized so we can actually see what we have to use for meals. I bought two big bags of charcoal on sale so that will last us too. I want this house to be worked on and it will not happen if we are constantly buying take out. Enough!

  The kid and I planted peppers, tomatoes, and basil yesterday. It has been a slow start to the growing season but it will pick up as it gets warmer. She pulled some nice big radishes and they were super spicy the way I like it. We have many strawberries that are tiny and white. They will be a lovely treat in a couple weeks. I do have some strawberries in the fridge that I need to cut up and freeze. I always have something that has to be done. Ugh. Since it is raining, I will probably do burgers and sausages in the house. I have some curly fries for the girls. Hubs and I can have some baked cauliflower that I found online. I will use almond flour in place of the bread crumbs. I have not bought the low carb bread crumbs yet.

   I have been doing well without taking the steroid of my gut. If I stay away from dairy and wheat, my colon is a good girl. It doesnt get all upset by my food choices. I do have to give up alot but I would rather just eat right instead of taking a pill that will make me blow up like a balloon. I am doing good this past week. I still am dealing with the pain from my whiplash but if I ignore that shit, all is okay. I am surprised I am not dealing with fibro flare. The weather has been so iffy lately. We have not had steady warmth yet. It is coming. Just not today.

  I am procrasting while I post this. I have dishes waiting for me and I have a pile of clothes to put away. I put half away yesterday so the other half is screaming for recognition. I am putting away winter and pulling out summer. I am also tossing anything I did not wear. They will go in the donation bins. I have to make room for others that I might find for free or really cheap...just not in June. So yeah..i could really just take a nap at this point cause the weather calls for it.  I will do a weekly tally of what I spent of food, any times I said no and what it was for, and if I mess up..I will say so. I think I will finish the dishes and take a nap with the dogs.
Yeah.
Take
A
Nap
!

Life can be a bowl of cherries

*2??* <---ignoring for now

  Hey there. How are you doing? I have been up to so much stuff lately that I completely forgot about last week. I am not going to look back at what I posted the last time. I am just gonna move on with my life and if I forgot to share something, you can always leave a comment..or not.

  Today was a good day. I had my 2nd appointment with Bureau of Rehabilitation Services. I was accepted to be in the program. They are going to help me find meaningful work. Real work. Like career shit. I will get help with a resume, interview coaching, looking for work in what I want and what I am able to do, coaching on the job, and all kinds of stuff. This is a major big deal for me. They are going to help advertise me to places so that I have a better chance of getting a good job. I have to do some assessment tests this week that I bring in next week and then do some more. This will not be super fast but it will move along at a good pace and they will stick with me until I am ready to fly. Very happy.

  If it rains one more day, I will officially become a mushroom farmer. We have had more rain than sun the past couple weeks. And it has been so cold here. Like I had to throw another quilt on the bed and close all the windows. Hopefully they are correct that it will be in the 70s mid week. My lettuce is not growing very fast because of the lack of sunshine.  It has to warm up before I plant the peppers and tomatoes too. They will have issues if I buy them now.  I do have all my annuals out now. They will have to sink or swim because I love to have those punches of color.  There are impatients in the hanging cones and a mixer of different annuals in the hangers in the yard. We had a bit of wind on MD and one of my new Pinwheels died. I brought them all in. Once they have dried out, I will woodglue them all so they are sturdy. That is what I had to do with the last batch I bought a couple years ago.

  Health wise, I am doing ok. The lump left over from the breast biopsy is still there. It doesnt hurt like it did but it unnerves me that it is still there. I figured it would have shrunk by now. I will tell the Dr if it is still there in June. I had to go back to the dentist this past week for a cracked filling. Thankfully it was one that had been filled recently so there was no charge for that. So instead I had them make molds for me to get dental guards for my grinding at night. The one that you get at the pharmacy is okay but it is not as good as the real deal ones that you have made for your mouth. I want to save my teeth from the damage that I am causing and this is one of the culprits.

 The other culprit has been my eating. Look. I have been talking so much as to how I have to get back to eating right because I gained 10 (really 13) lbs. This morning, I had a lightbulb moment. I started this way of eating because of what happened in the Doctors office last year on a particular day. He upped my night time and day time insulin. He told me that I was at a medical cross roads. I will gain weight with the increase of my insulin. Then he will have to increase it again because I gained weight. I do not want to die before I am 50 because I chose Lay`s potato chips over life.  But I have some adjustments that I had to make to this for my own well being. It will not be high fat. It will be moderate fat. Low carb, moderate fat, moderate protein.  I will not do cheat days but if once in awhile, something comes up that I want to eat, I will. Like tonight I will have strawberries with whipped cream.  With keto there would have been no strawberries allowed. So I am not doing keto. I am just doing low carb with the option to buy. Low insulin numbers! That is what we are striving for. No more ruining our good name in our diabetic meter because we wanted a candy bar! We can eat a Quest bar instead!

  What else? I had a really good Mother`s Day. Kid #1 acknowledged me. Kid #2 cleaned the house and helped Hubs cook dinner. I got Lush products and flowers. I did do some stuff but that is how I am but afterward I laid around and watched Simon and Martina on Youtube. They are funnier than all get out. But I warn you. Once you get sucked in, do not blame me for the wasted hours of funny food porn. Can you believe it though?? After all of those years of sucky MDs..I finally got a good one? Makes me extra happy about that.

Okay..I am going to go. I have to go pick up #2 at work and dinner will be done soon. I hope you have a wonderful week ahead with lots of sunshine and no ants!

Mercury in Retrograde Bitches

*230* <---Fuck You!

  May 1st! Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit to you all. Today marks the exact day last year that Hubs and I went full throttle with the new way of eating. I have been pecking at it the past couple weeks but today is full on. 25 grams or less of carbs a day. Post everything on MyFitnessPal to keep an eye on my numbers. I will struggle but I am dealing with Retrograde so it is what it is.

   Okay, I left because I had a shit ton of errands to do today. I started this at lunch time and now it is almost 6pm. Workman`s comp stuff, copying stuff, going to my lawyer`s office for stuff, getting a cold brew because I deserve it and supplies for the sick #2. She seems to have caught a Springtime head cold. Which sucks because she has an ultrasound to do on Wednesday. She isn't coughing so maybe she will be able to do it. She is also having 3 wisdom teeth taken out on Friday. Oy!  I have been busy with preparations.

    Retrograde has made me such a mess this time around. At least the tail end of it has. I have been not a very nice person and very emotional. Super duper not nice. Today has been better. It ends in 3 more days so it must be taking it`s clutches off of me. Mean. Weepy. Suspicious. Eating anything and everything. I blame that part also on the stupid steroids. I took the steroid for my colitis for a week. I ate an entire family sized bag of Lay`s and the next day a half a bag of Doritos. Those pills had to go. I am staying away from dairy except for the little bits of butter that I can tolerate. And I am staying away from all grains that have gluten. Those things (among others) gives me great issues. Like I may shit myself in public issues. I do not want that. Plus, I gained weight. I am not here on this Earth to go backward. I refuse! Only forward. And forward is smaller underwear sizes.

  Today I planted some impatients in the cone baskets on the porch. I was ready to dig in the dirt! I also have enough cactus dirt to repot all my special in house babies. I have to just get a time to do it. Some of them really need to be put in bigger pots with fresh digs. It has still been too cold to really get into gardening. Like really cold. Like not May at all. But I will enjoy it because it will get hot eventually and I will hate every moment of it. Especially now that I am dealing with old lady days.

  I am sorry that this is just not a good post. I am exhausted from all the running around and I still have to get dinner going. We are having chicken enchilada soup. I have to start some rice in the cooker for the girls. The man and I will eat it without any carbs in it.  Again, I left you to fold some laundry and water my jade and aloe plants. This Monday was not a good one for posting but I havent posted in a bit so I am throwing this bone out there.

  I am here. I am eating low carb high fat. I am going to stick with it because today is the anniversary day of last year and it has symbolism to me. I wont wreck that. I intend to lose the 10ish lbs I have gained and try to lose another 40 over the next few months. That would be a nifty thing to happen. I am going to make it so.

Have a great week and I will be back around next Sunday.

April Showers Bring on Rheumatism

*230* <---fat ass

  I woke up to rain hitting the roof above my head. It is a soppy April rain out there this morning. Supposed to be like this all day. I had no idea. I have been so preoccupied with life shit that I have not even paid attention to the little things, like the weather.  I am surprised I dont feel very bad. Usually rain makes me feel like garbage in the head. Days like this make many of us FEEL the weather. We will see how the day goes and how much I get done.

   I am sorry this has been delayed by a day or two. I had some stuff transpire and my mind has been elsewhere. The thyroid is fine. There is no cancer. I do have a 3cm nodule that you can feel cause it is right on the front of the left side of the thyroid. I also have a larger one in the very center, called the isthmus. I went to see my endo yesterday. I had blood work done and most definitely thyroid was in those tests. For right now, we are going to leave the nodules alone. He is definitely sure that they are not the reason I am having difficulty swallowing. If the swallowing becomes a major issue for me (it isnt just yet), I will make appointment for my ENT office. This is what I have to say about the biopsy of the thyroid..If you have to have one done, do not be afraid. They numb you enough that you do not have any pain. You WILL feel the pressure of the needle touching your thyroid. It is unnerving but it is not really painful. Maybe a tiny bit. But not gonna kill you and it is quick quick. If I have to have it done again, I wont be a chicken shit.

  As for what happened yesterday, that was a whole different scenario. Let me refill my coffee cup. Okay, let me back track a bit. I went in Thursday for my second mammo. It was done on the left breast only. Then I had an ultrasound on the same breast. They found something called a architectural distortion.  They basically said that it could be cancer or something called a radial scar. They cannot tell what it is because it is not palpable like a cyst or a lump. So they had to do a biopsy of it. Yesterday I think if I could have shit myself without embarrassment, I would have. I was having a Stereotactic Core Biopsy. That even sounds scary to me. They sat me in a chair, pushed me up to the mammo machine, pressed my boob in there to position where they could see the distortion, numbed the skin, numbed deeper in the boob, and then the mammo has a hollow needle that is attached that goes down into your.... Okay. You get the idea. Anyway. Because I am a freak of nature, I could feel the biopsy. They figured it was because my breast was so dense. There was no mistaking my facial expression. I could feel it and it hurt. The doctor just did what he had to do in a hurry. I just trooped it out because where the hell was I gonna go. They had me by the boob.

  Right after that, I went for my 3 month check up at the endo. He said I do not have to wait until Thursday. That would be cruel. He told me to call his assistant in the morning and she will call pathology to get the results. I am really afraid of the results. Radial scars are rare unless you have had previous biopsy or breast surgery. I have had neither. Even if it is a radial scar, that has to come out. They can be a precursor to breast cancer. And now I will have to have mammos every 6 months instead of every year. Fuck me!  My joke always was *if it isnt killing me, I am okay* Cancer is a whole other ball game. Plus with diabetes. That is no joke. I am sorry to sound morbid but it could be my ticket out of Dodge. Let`s just be as positive as we can. None of you will probably see this before I get the call back, but if you see it today...give me some warm positive thoughts. Let`s hope for the best outcome.

  Okay..I gotta be positive. Right? Did you all see my Beemo in the Instagram feed on the left?? Isnt she the cutest? She is a 2011 x5. She has leatha seats. She has all the bells and whistles. She is GOR--G-OUS! She rides like a dream. There is no owners manual so I have been watching YouTube videos so that I know what all the gadgets do. I should get the title in 2 weeks. I will mail out the Jeepo`s title today so that the insurance company can cut the check. I am happy to not have to drive the 16 year old Nissan around. She is a good around the town car but she does not deserve to be used for day to day use. We still have the rental. We will have it until they send us the check for the Jeepo. Since we already bought a car, we will not have it for an extra week for buying a car..since we already did that.

Kid #2 and I went to the garden on Sunday. We cleaned out the beds. There was not much weeds which was really good. We have to top them all off with compost but that can happen this weekend. We purchased some lettuce seeds and I had some radish seeds already. I am glad we did not plant them on Sunday because they would be gone now with all this rain. We have planned to dedicate one bed to just peppers. We want an abundance of cayenne peppers so that we can make some more roasted red pepper flakes in the Fall. We all loved the jar of homegrown so much. We used it all. Our plan is to grow enough to fill at least three canning jars full. That should last us through the Winter and into the next growing season. We also cleaned out the strawberry patch. There is room in the middle for something. I was thinking one cantelope or one watermelon plant but I dont know. One solitary something that can use that space to its advantage. I have to think about it.

  My fat ass has been eating crap. I gained as you can see. Fuckers. I wont hit the 240 mark. I will NOT! I REFUSE! I need to just hope to get in a better mindset. After I find out if I have breast cancer or not.

You all have a wonderful week.  I am going to take my meds, drink my coffee, eat some eggs, and clean my room.

Peace!

Learning the ways of the Empath

Sunrise from front porch

*227* <--i haven't weighed so I dont know..possibly 2 ton

  I had a difficult dream last night and it woke me up at 4am. I woke up the previous night at 5am. I have not had a nap so you can just guess how I feel. Kid #1 is going through some work stuff (she will be fine) but I think what is going on in her mind and heart has been presenting itself to me in my dreams. Sounds trippy. I know. I am not the trippy kind of gal. But I have had some revelations this past month. You will either believe it or you wont. I wont go deep deep DEEP into it because I dont want any of you to think I am completely off my nut. I am a Empath. I am highly intuitive. I have the gifts of Clairsentience and Claircogizance.  There is probably more to me in this realm but I dont really know.

   I will not get into the entire story because it would be just way too long. Long story short, I was invited and introduced to a Massage Therapist that could help me with my ongoing back pains. She is a friend of a friend. Remember how I never had a massage before. This was a whole new world for me. Like people have issues with strangers touching their feet for a pedicure, I had a issue with strangers rubbing my body. I decided to just do it. Have the experience and if I didn't like it, I wouldn't have to do it again. I was sent there not only because of my back. I was sent there because my friend knew. She knew that I was an empath and I needed to be told so. The massage therapist also has a degree as a psychotherapist. She felt very like home to me. She told me that I am a highly intuitive person. I am a Empath. I have to learn to ground myself. I have to learn to meditate. Yoga is out for now because of my arthritis. I have been reading and watching videos ever since.

  In a nutshell (nuts again), Empaths are sensitive to their surroundings more then other people. Some have some gifts, some have other gifts. We all do not have the same. All my life I have been able to tell when someone is lying. I do not like disingenuous or false people. They turn me right off and I can spot them 10 miles away. If you are a fake bitch, I want nothing to do with you. I can sense peoples emotions, intentions, and sometimes thoughts. I have been yelled at for finishing other people`s sentences. I can look at your face and know how you are feeling. My ability to sense negative energies or possibly spirits is in the realm of Clairsentience. That has been going on most of my life. I just thought it was a quirky trick and I helped friends pick out apartments that didn't give me the shivers.  I never really talked about these things before because 1. I dont want to be labeled as crazy. 2. It was just who I am. No need to announce something that is normal to me.  Until I found out I was a little extraordinary.

  Let me tell you a freaky story. I had done an application for that job that I want. But I never added a resume or cover letter because I did not know I was supposed to. I have not applied for a job in like 20 years. I also realized that I really messed up on the application. No one had called me so I decided to be proactive. I said to myself that I hope they did not see my other application. I had Kid #2 pick up another one for me. I filled it out the right way, did the resume and cover letter, and presented them two weeks ago while coming in to pay my bill. The lady that I always see up front remembered that I had brought another one in. I told her that I forgot about the resume and cover letter so I figured I would correct the situation. I asked out loud about it in the car after I left. All I wanted was a chance. Just a chance. If it is meant to be, please help me let that happen. Three hours later...I had a telephone interview. Come to find out, the lady up front brought my application to the back and  told the hiring manager and the supervisor to call me..interview me.  She and they looked for my first application. They could NOT find it. It was gone. I found this out the other day from her. (new billing cycle so I paid the bill). She said it was a good sign that I was called that quickly. She smiled at me in a way that let me know that I will probably get a sit down interview for the job.  So everyday I make it a point to ask my higher power/spirit guides to help me. If this job is meant for me to have, please let me be correct in my path. Help me with the interview. Calm my mind and spirit. Let them see that I would be the right choice. Sometimes coincidences arent coincidences at all.

  Ever since I have been told, stuff has been happening. Like I said, I am not going to get into it all because that would take too much time. But if I have a good story to tell that pertains to it, I will share.

  We have had a couple warm days and a string of really warm days are coming this week. I am sick of looking at the dirty snow. I will be glad to see it go. I have plans for this growing season and they are gonna happen! I have already committed to the three beds at the community garden this year. We will keep them at least this year. I dont know about next year, we will see. But since we are going to have some money to do things around the house, I want my garden beds in the front. Three long beds filled with compost. The front yard will have to be dug up and smoothed out first. Then I will buy lots and lots of wood chips to cover around the beds.  I want to be able to veggie garden in my Pjs. Once the weather gets warmer, we have some things that have to be done around the house. Most definitely have to have the outside spigot replaced. I havent been able to use it for two seasons cause we turned it off. It was leaking. That is going to be done. I will totally take pics on IG of the progress. I keep hoping for the warmer temps so I can start growing some lettuce and radishes!

  Kid #2 and I decided yesterday that we want a roasted chicken dinner today. I have to pick up a chicken this morning cause Hubby will put a dry rub on it to sit in the fridge for a couple hours. I am thinking of doing a cauliflower gratin to go with it. I will use almond flour in place of regular flour.  This recipe stands out to me. I have some stone ground mustard in the fridge I could use too. I will not use breadcrumbs. Mmmm! I have been bloated from corn chips yesterday. Dont ask. It was not a good day yesterday and as a family we went out to eat.  I have to realize that my kids are grown and I cannot be Mama bear all the time. Sometimes they have to walk their path alone, even if it is very hard to do. It is hard for me to. The kid will be okay. She will flourish in her life and her future. What has happened is just a stepping stone in her life.

 I am blathering because of lack of sleep! I need to take a nap but that will happen later while Hubs cooks the chicken. I hope you have a wonderful week. Especially this Sunday. Go out and enjoy some Vitamin D.
Namaste
 

MLK Jr Birthday and Housework

*222*

  I am still getting used to the fact that I have a new keyboard. I have been conditioned for so many years to use the mouse to paste the letters that I forgot what keyboard freedom was like. I just went with the flow. I realized that I never do for myself that much when I should. I will be more aware that sometimes, I deserved a new computer!

   It is a holiday Monday so the Man is home to hang out. He has already started some housework. He washed down the stairs and they smell lovely. We are going to shampoo the carpets upstairs and I am going to do a thorough scrubbing of the upstairs bathroom. Under the sink type of stuff. I like when he has the day off because I get some help with bigger stuff to do. One thing is I have a ugly purple ottoman that I won from a contest that needs to go. It is up at the top of the stairs. I also have alot of art posters that have been sitting in the same spot for over a year. They have to be gone through. I will keep some. Get rid of others. I want new stuff on the walls when I paint. It will be a busy and productive day with some meatloaf at the end.

   I had my very first massage last week. I found out later that it was a deep tissue massage. I know this because I was in agony for two days afterward. I felt like my back and neck had run a marathon. WTF! But I feel better somewhat. I will see her again in a month. That is about all I can afford at this time. Kid #2 has offered to pay half the cable bill every month so that little extra cash will go toward two massages a month for me and the man. She is a social worker plus she is also very metaphysical is that completely explains it. She told me something I kind of already knew about myself but never owned it. I am a empath. This is why I suffer so much physically. I take on every persons feelings, emotions, and energies. This is why I am good at clearing a place for people. Meaning..is this new apartment I am about to rent full of negative energy or evil spirit? I feel weird in places that just do not have good intentions and I always remember those places. The evilness that I felt is printed on my brain. It only has happened a few times in my life. She does alot for you and charges so little for it. It is truly worth it. It is like I had a good therapy session on top of a deep tissue massage and a cranio massage. I can see me going to her on a regular basis. Maybe I will get in touch with what I am in this world.

  It wouldn't be a blog post without a bullshit piece of medical stuff, am I right? I called the gastro and got into the office right away on Friday. I am having issues with swallowing and temporary impacting of food/pills in my esophagus. This has been going on for about 6 months to a year. Maybe longer but I never really paid attention to it. It would happen rarely. You know how you would swallow a pill the wrong way and it would get stuck. You would flush with water and all would be good. Or you took a too big of a bite of food that you did not chew well..same thing. It has been happening more frequently. It is not every day but it is definitely not rare anymore. Friday scared me. My pills kept getting stuck in my chest right below my throat. Then I ate some breakfast and the same thing happened. I ate a piece of cheese and it took awhile of drinking water to make it go down. I am having a upper endoscopy on Thursday. He told me to chew chew chew my food. Eat soft foods. If anything get stuck and I cannot make it go down, I have to go to the ER.  He said that it could be a yeast infection but who knows. I have had a bunch of ideas thrown at me about it but I have symptoms for all of these things and not of others. I cannot pin point and say..It is that! So I will wait for the endo and see what he finds.

  Otherwise, except for my regular old pains that I have (storm brewing?) I am feeling good. My mood is good. My body has a bit of energy today. I am not feeling pissy or bitchy at all. I like days like today. Make me feel like my old self. I am not worried about the upper endo cause I have done it before. Easy Peasy. I am just going to live my life, have the procedure, find out what he sees, and proceed with life.
  Is it Spring yet? We had some really warm days last week. Like in the lower 50 deg f range. It teased me. It made me think of planting. It made me think of warm sunshine. I was ready honey.  Then it crashed into the 30s and it snow. Boo!

 Okay, I am still in my sleep clothes. I have to get dressed. Need to go out and rent a steam cleaner. One of these days we will just buy one. One of these days. I hope you have a wonderful week and a sunshine filled holiday Monday.

24 years of wedded bliss

*222* <--stuck there for a couple weeks

 **I have had a issue with the app for Instagram on here. I have tried to figure out how to get it back on but it hasn't worked. I will not give up but just not in the mood to fiddle with that shit right now**

   Today is our 24th wedding anniversary. I have sauce cooking while Italian sausages are braising in it. There are two small spaghetti squashes roasting in the oven. Those are for hubby and I. The girls will eat spaghetti. I have not made sauce in awhile and I was in the mood. Wedding anniversary is just as good a time as any.

    I am on the new laptop. It is actually a Samsung Chromebook. It is much smaller then what I had before so it has taken me a few days to get used to it. Do you know I still act like I dont have a letter N sometimes? Look at that capital N. Isnt she the sweetest thing you ever did see? I have transferred over all of my bookmarks and photos that I wanted to save. The clunker is sitting on the table, awaiting it`s fate. I have to figure out how to pry it open to get pull out all the pieces. There is alot of information on that hunk of junk that I do not want anyone getting ahold of. All and all, it is a really nice little computer. It gives me what I need and I have not sworn at it once. It took less then 2 minutes to set it up. That is crazy. Remember when you would get a new computer and it would take a solid hour to get it set up? That included getting the internet working. Times sure have changed.

 We did get some snow for Saturday into Sunday. I would say it was about 6-7" max. It was a very light fluffy snow so it was easy to shovel. I drove around in it the next day in the Jeepo without much trouble at all. The city sanded the hill so I have no worries at this point. It will jack up to the 50s later this week and we might get another storm on Saturday. Hopefully it is just rain. Only two months and 11 days until the first day of Spring, so says Alexa. I ordered a couple blueberry bushes through our community garden. I am HOPING to have garden beds in front of the house this year. HOPE HOPE HOPE!

      Yes, I did shovel. It is weird how my back and sciatica have been. Just really weird. I could feel like I am losing my grips with my lower half of my body and sometimes my arms and hands at the same time. Then it is like all is right with the world. I cannot explain it. I do still have lower back pain. Right now most of my pain is really low like my tailbone. But there has been no sciatica in either leg. No spasms. No awful electric shocks. Not a damn thing. I am not dumb. I know it hasnt gone away. It is still there, waiting to make me suffer once again. But for some reason, I get these *arthritic* reprieves. I guess I could dig into the internet and try to figure it out if I really wanted to.  I see the local neurosurgeon at the end of this month so I hope to get some answers.

Beef bone broth

I made this over the weekend during the snow too. My first batch of bone broth. I am so Martha Stewart right about now. This is the recipe for it.  I used bone marrow bones only this time around. I think the next time I do it, I will use marrow and oxtail bones. You can do this with pork bones, chicken bones, and fish bones too. You just roast whatever, eat the meat, and use the bones to simmer for hours and hours with veggies and such. This made it to the 12 hour mark. Somebody turned it off in the night so I did not get to do the full 24 hours. I told them the next time not to touch the heat. It tastes really really good. Now, it is not salted. It is bland as fuck but that is what broth/stock is supposed to be. This is something to use for making soups or just drinking a hot cup (with a bit of salt added). I put them in the freezer. I have to get over my fear of the pressure cooker. I could totally can these so that they can go in the cabinet. I will do some major research before I do it. I cannot believe I have never done this before.

  Okay, I just whizzed this post thru in no time. That is what happens when you have a proper keyboard. You do not feel like murdering your Dell cause it keeps deleting your thoughts. I have to go now anyhoo. Kid #2 will be done with work soon. I have to go out in the dark cold night to fight her. Then I will come home to try on my first pair of Lularoe leggings. Yes, I fell into the LuLa hole. These are what I got. Arent they sweet?
Have a great week! Try to make a snow angel if you get a chance!