Attack of the virus

*230*

  I was germed by someone and that is the reason no post this past Sunday. I am just feeling kind of okay today. I do not know if it was the a watered down version of the flu or a nasty cold but it sucked. The weekend was a blur of dayquil, cough drops, and pee pads. I say I do not know because I didnt have a fever but I was feverish. I had aches in my legs but it only lasted for a day. I was sick as a dog but I did not feel like I was dying. That is why it could have been a watered down version because I did have the flu shot this year. Even though that has been deemed to only be about 20% effective. I have a nagging leftover cough and my bladder needs time to recover but otherwise, I am gonna be okay. The laundry will get done.

Paid Internship

  I am thisclose to having a paid internship with a very large company in my area. I am not going to say what or where at this point. It will be 3 months to start off and can go to a max of 6 months. I will be able to use it as experience and filler on my resume. I need the administrative work to help show that I know stuffs. Just give me a chance! If they like me and vice versa AND they have a job to fill, I could be hired at some point. The wheels are rolling with this so it could be very soon. I also have another job that is very exciting and that is being reviewed. I have not had an interview for it yet but I will be positive. I had contact with the HR department already for that one. I am not putting all my hopes on it but it would be good if this one were to happen also. So I have balls in the air. Who would have ever thought when I started this blog that I would be close to going back in the working world? I wouldnt have. I try not to obsessively look at my email. It is like I am WILLING them to email me back with a time to come in for an interview. Come to me. Come to me. You want me to work for you!

No Boobs for You

  Because of this wretched ick that has befallen me, I had to cancel my boob MRI and Mammo. Plus I had to move my appointment with the boob surgeon so that it is after my scans. That will all happen in March now. I am also going to be able to get my upper endoscopy after all. The gastro is having someone else in her practice do it on a Monday so that Hubs can take me. My gut has felt better since I stopped taking the Methotrexate pills. I saw the Rheumy this week and he has switched me to injections instead. I will give myself a shot once a week. He says that it bypasses the gut so I wont have to worry about that being an issue. It was working so well for me too. Now all my patches have come back and brought friends with them. The pains I was feeling before are back also. I hope the shots do not give me any issues because I really want this to work.

Gotta Make Money, Honey

 I really really really need to get on the selling train. I have been so lazy about it. I have boxes of shit to put on Etsy and I have not even moved a muscle towards doing it. This past week has been a wash out because I have been sick, but that does not explain the past few months. I have literally have tons of shit to sell. I need the motivation. I know money is a motivation but that doesn't seem to be enough to force me to do it. I gotta DO it so these totes can stop staring at me. There are totes full of stuff right behind me. They are there because I have to photograph, post, and put them in a place for when they sell. I need to get boxes and bags and bubble wrap. Give me the motivation to get this started!! I know once I do it, I will continue to do it. I am one of those kind of people. You have to push me off the cliff and then I will fly. 
  I have a big dilemma. It has come time to pay for my garden beds at the community garden. I do not want to be there anymore. I do not like the way it is being run and last year all of our beds were taken over by ants that like to bite. We are not allowed to use chemicals and the people that run the place did not help us at all. I think that is why our peppers did not flourish at all like they have before. There is alot of weird stuff going on at the garden that I am not going to go into. Lets just say that the person running it is an asshole elitist and we will leave it like that. So my dilemma is there is a guy that is selling 4 foot, 100 gallon galvanized steel animal feeders for $50 a piece (or best offer) and I could get four of these and put them in the front yard. Fill them with compost and not have to do the community garden thing anymore. But even at $50 a piece...that is $200. I want to get four of them while he has them because of their small size and when am I going to get an opportunity like this again?
 But I am not supposed to be spending money. What would you do? Ugh! I told him I didn't get paid till the end of the month so we shall see what I do. I will either do it or not do it.

RIP iPad

 My iPad is dead. Okay, not completely dead but she is having issues with the screen. It started acting up a month ago. Yesterday it finally went. I could get the screen up long enough to email myself all the pictures I had saved on it. It is a iPad mini and I won it in a contest. I have had it for five years. It almost never left the house and I used it ever night when I went to bed. I miss it. The screen was big enough to watch videos but small enough that it was not cumbersome. It helped me so much when I was sick or healing. I will not replace it with a android one. NO. I went on the Apple website, I saw this one and I am in love but the price. After taxes, apple care, and such...it is $527. I know I could buy it someplace else but I like the protection you get when you buy it at Apple. Plus I can get a free engraving on it. I was going to call it Heidi`s Toy. 
 It is okay. Maybe if I get one of these jobs, I can save up for it. That gives me a little hope that I will eventually have one again.

That is it for today. I have breakfast/lunch cooking and then I am going to dive into some laundry and recipes. I have been slowly pecking away at the mess in the kitchen. I was literally in bed for three straight days. So maybe it was the flu. I hope you all are not having the flu or a cold. Enjoy the last grasps of Winter. March is coming and I am dreaming of Spring.

Life can be a bowl of cherries

*2??* <---ignoring for now

  Hey there. How are you doing? I have been up to so much stuff lately that I completely forgot about last week. I am not going to look back at what I posted the last time. I am just gonna move on with my life and if I forgot to share something, you can always leave a comment..or not.

  Today was a good day. I had my 2nd appointment with Bureau of Rehabilitation Services. I was accepted to be in the program. They are going to help me find meaningful work. Real work. Like career shit. I will get help with a resume, interview coaching, looking for work in what I want and what I am able to do, coaching on the job, and all kinds of stuff. This is a major big deal for me. They are going to help advertise me to places so that I have a better chance of getting a good job. I have to do some assessment tests this week that I bring in next week and then do some more. This will not be super fast but it will move along at a good pace and they will stick with me until I am ready to fly. Very happy.

  If it rains one more day, I will officially become a mushroom farmer. We have had more rain than sun the past couple weeks. And it has been so cold here. Like I had to throw another quilt on the bed and close all the windows. Hopefully they are correct that it will be in the 70s mid week. My lettuce is not growing very fast because of the lack of sunshine.  It has to warm up before I plant the peppers and tomatoes too. They will have issues if I buy them now.  I do have all my annuals out now. They will have to sink or swim because I love to have those punches of color.  There are impatients in the hanging cones and a mixer of different annuals in the hangers in the yard. We had a bit of wind on MD and one of my new Pinwheels died. I brought them all in. Once they have dried out, I will woodglue them all so they are sturdy. That is what I had to do with the last batch I bought a couple years ago.

  Health wise, I am doing ok. The lump left over from the breast biopsy is still there. It doesnt hurt like it did but it unnerves me that it is still there. I figured it would have shrunk by now. I will tell the Dr if it is still there in June. I had to go back to the dentist this past week for a cracked filling. Thankfully it was one that had been filled recently so there was no charge for that. So instead I had them make molds for me to get dental guards for my grinding at night. The one that you get at the pharmacy is okay but it is not as good as the real deal ones that you have made for your mouth. I want to save my teeth from the damage that I am causing and this is one of the culprits.

 The other culprit has been my eating. Look. I have been talking so much as to how I have to get back to eating right because I gained 10 (really 13) lbs. This morning, I had a lightbulb moment. I started this way of eating because of what happened in the Doctors office last year on a particular day. He upped my night time and day time insulin. He told me that I was at a medical cross roads. I will gain weight with the increase of my insulin. Then he will have to increase it again because I gained weight. I do not want to die before I am 50 because I chose Lay`s potato chips over life.  But I have some adjustments that I had to make to this for my own well being. It will not be high fat. It will be moderate fat. Low carb, moderate fat, moderate protein.  I will not do cheat days but if once in awhile, something comes up that I want to eat, I will. Like tonight I will have strawberries with whipped cream.  With keto there would have been no strawberries allowed. So I am not doing keto. I am just doing low carb with the option to buy. Low insulin numbers! That is what we are striving for. No more ruining our good name in our diabetic meter because we wanted a candy bar! We can eat a Quest bar instead!

  What else? I had a really good Mother`s Day. Kid #1 acknowledged me. Kid #2 cleaned the house and helped Hubs cook dinner. I got Lush products and flowers. I did do some stuff but that is how I am but afterward I laid around and watched Simon and Martina on Youtube. They are funnier than all get out. But I warn you. Once you get sucked in, do not blame me for the wasted hours of funny food porn. Can you believe it though?? After all of those years of sucky MDs..I finally got a good one? Makes me extra happy about that.

Okay..I am going to go. I have to go pick up #2 at work and dinner will be done soon. I hope you have a wonderful week ahead with lots of sunshine and no ants!

Learning the ways of the Empath

Sunrise from front porch

*227* <--i haven't weighed so I dont know..possibly 2 ton

  I had a difficult dream last night and it woke me up at 4am. I woke up the previous night at 5am. I have not had a nap so you can just guess how I feel. Kid #1 is going through some work stuff (she will be fine) but I think what is going on in her mind and heart has been presenting itself to me in my dreams. Sounds trippy. I know. I am not the trippy kind of gal. But I have had some revelations this past month. You will either believe it or you wont. I wont go deep deep DEEP into it because I dont want any of you to think I am completely off my nut. I am a Empath. I am highly intuitive. I have the gifts of Clairsentience and Claircogizance.  There is probably more to me in this realm but I dont really know.

   I will not get into the entire story because it would be just way too long. Long story short, I was invited and introduced to a Massage Therapist that could help me with my ongoing back pains. She is a friend of a friend. Remember how I never had a massage before. This was a whole new world for me. Like people have issues with strangers touching their feet for a pedicure, I had a issue with strangers rubbing my body. I decided to just do it. Have the experience and if I didn't like it, I wouldn't have to do it again. I was sent there not only because of my back. I was sent there because my friend knew. She knew that I was an empath and I needed to be told so. The massage therapist also has a degree as a psychotherapist. She felt very like home to me. She told me that I am a highly intuitive person. I am a Empath. I have to learn to ground myself. I have to learn to meditate. Yoga is out for now because of my arthritis. I have been reading and watching videos ever since.

  In a nutshell (nuts again), Empaths are sensitive to their surroundings more then other people. Some have some gifts, some have other gifts. We all do not have the same. All my life I have been able to tell when someone is lying. I do not like disingenuous or false people. They turn me right off and I can spot them 10 miles away. If you are a fake bitch, I want nothing to do with you. I can sense peoples emotions, intentions, and sometimes thoughts. I have been yelled at for finishing other people`s sentences. I can look at your face and know how you are feeling. My ability to sense negative energies or possibly spirits is in the realm of Clairsentience. That has been going on most of my life. I just thought it was a quirky trick and I helped friends pick out apartments that didn't give me the shivers.  I never really talked about these things before because 1. I dont want to be labeled as crazy. 2. It was just who I am. No need to announce something that is normal to me.  Until I found out I was a little extraordinary.

  Let me tell you a freaky story. I had done an application for that job that I want. But I never added a resume or cover letter because I did not know I was supposed to. I have not applied for a job in like 20 years. I also realized that I really messed up on the application. No one had called me so I decided to be proactive. I said to myself that I hope they did not see my other application. I had Kid #2 pick up another one for me. I filled it out the right way, did the resume and cover letter, and presented them two weeks ago while coming in to pay my bill. The lady that I always see up front remembered that I had brought another one in. I told her that I forgot about the resume and cover letter so I figured I would correct the situation. I asked out loud about it in the car after I left. All I wanted was a chance. Just a chance. If it is meant to be, please help me let that happen. Three hours later...I had a telephone interview. Come to find out, the lady up front brought my application to the back and  told the hiring manager and the supervisor to call me..interview me.  She and they looked for my first application. They could NOT find it. It was gone. I found this out the other day from her. (new billing cycle so I paid the bill). She said it was a good sign that I was called that quickly. She smiled at me in a way that let me know that I will probably get a sit down interview for the job.  So everyday I make it a point to ask my higher power/spirit guides to help me. If this job is meant for me to have, please let me be correct in my path. Help me with the interview. Calm my mind and spirit. Let them see that I would be the right choice. Sometimes coincidences arent coincidences at all.

  Ever since I have been told, stuff has been happening. Like I said, I am not going to get into it all because that would take too much time. But if I have a good story to tell that pertains to it, I will share.

  We have had a couple warm days and a string of really warm days are coming this week. I am sick of looking at the dirty snow. I will be glad to see it go. I have plans for this growing season and they are gonna happen! I have already committed to the three beds at the community garden this year. We will keep them at least this year. I dont know about next year, we will see. But since we are going to have some money to do things around the house, I want my garden beds in the front. Three long beds filled with compost. The front yard will have to be dug up and smoothed out first. Then I will buy lots and lots of wood chips to cover around the beds.  I want to be able to veggie garden in my Pjs. Once the weather gets warmer, we have some things that have to be done around the house. Most definitely have to have the outside spigot replaced. I havent been able to use it for two seasons cause we turned it off. It was leaking. That is going to be done. I will totally take pics on IG of the progress. I keep hoping for the warmer temps so I can start growing some lettuce and radishes!

  Kid #2 and I decided yesterday that we want a roasted chicken dinner today. I have to pick up a chicken this morning cause Hubby will put a dry rub on it to sit in the fridge for a couple hours. I am thinking of doing a cauliflower gratin to go with it. I will use almond flour in place of regular flour.  This recipe stands out to me. I have some stone ground mustard in the fridge I could use too. I will not use breadcrumbs. Mmmm! I have been bloated from corn chips yesterday. Dont ask. It was not a good day yesterday and as a family we went out to eat.  I have to realize that my kids are grown and I cannot be Mama bear all the time. Sometimes they have to walk their path alone, even if it is very hard to do. It is hard for me to. The kid will be okay. She will flourish in her life and her future. What has happened is just a stepping stone in her life.

 I am blathering because of lack of sleep! I need to take a nap but that will happen later while Hubs cooks the chicken. I hope you have a wonderful week. Especially this Sunday. Go out and enjoy some Vitamin D.
Namaste
 

The snow didn't get me

*225*

  I am on the iPad this afternoon. Blogger won't let me download a new photo on here at all.  I had to use what I had available and all the photos are from like 2011. This is Oliver and Milo (ginger kitty) from Summer 2011. Milo was a baby boy and Oli was a year older. They are still thick as thieves. Perfectly fine picture for this Sunday blog post.

  I am have been down. I have been busy. I have been trying to figure shit out. I  did a lot and that is why a post last week was not in the cards. I filed for full Medicare. That new card should come in another week. The job gave him the option to resign, with a severance, and insurance till the end of March. I can breath a little bit. Tuesday he can cash out the retirement. I have paperwork from unemployment to fill out. I also sent in paperwork for me to possible get job training,

  Oh wow! I have some exciting news!! So last week I did my resume and cover letter for a position as customer service rep (over the computer) some place. On this Wednesday, I handed in those and a application. I asked my higher power to help me with this. Give me a chance. That is all that I ask. Three hours later, the hiring manager called. She gave me a telephone interview. I think I did pretty good. I was able to answer without stumbling. She said it will be a couple weeks before they decide who will get formal interviews. I will hear either way. I asked for it and I was given a chance. If that is as far as it goes with this company, I am okay with that.  I have been thinking about this for a year. I think it took this turning point in life to give me the push that I needed. It starts off at $10.50/hr but full benefits. That is important. I will let you all know.

  I am doing okay surprisingly. I have a real feeling of calm about the whole thing, you would think I would be a massive wreck, but I am not.  Don't get me wrong, I have my moments. I have stayed off social media pretty much cause I am not telling anybody anything and all their mundane life stuff is making me sad. We will be okay. He will get unemployment and he will look for a job. I will look for work. I have my social security. And we have the 401k. Some people think we are crazy but most understand. We don't want to be in a situation where there is no money for something,

  Thursday we had a blizzard. I did not measure but I heard we got between 14-16 inches. Saturday it snowed another two and today it snowed another two (just for us) but now it is raining so a nice layer of ice on top. We went out at 9am before the snow and got some stuff done. We are all safe and sound in the house till tomorrow. A plus about him not working is I don't have to worry to death that he is out in that small car, on the highway, in a snow storm, to go pick up stats and cultures, and such. We all snuggled in.  We were told that we would get our winter. Boy did we get it.

   I cannot eat Girl Scout cookie Samoas. I wondered why my gut was in so much pain yesterday.  And still today. I finally realized it was the coconut on the cookie. I had like 4 of them and that was 4 too many. Let's just say I need to stay close to home. I have been eating all the wrong things. I have said fuck it all over the place with sugar, wheat, grains, and potatoes. I have to detox myself and I have to fight the urges. Back on track. No more crap. Tonight I am making kielbasa, mashed cauliflower, and a fancy salad with chopped bacon and blue cheese crumbles added in. I wanted a nice fancy stick of sausage this week. The girls are like ewww but Hubs and I cannot wait,

  Did I tell you that I found out I am a highly intuitive Empath? I could go back and look the past month of blogs because honestly, I cannot remember.  I am going to talk more about this from time  to time. A major life can of worms has been opened for me. I have found out many things that some may totally agree with and others will just say I am crazy. Once you have been told this, you start to search out your truths. You get answers to some life long questions about yourself. I found out that I am a Indigo Child  (adult). I am highly sensitive to my surroundings and other people. So much for me to learn. I have to go to the mystical shop and buy myself a tourmaline stone to help protect me. I need to learn a lot. This is all I am going to say about this for now. If you are a empath, why not give me a shout out.

  I am done for now. I am gonna take a nap, if my colon allows me too. I will be back to my regularly scheduled programming. I am done being pitiful for now. I hope you all have a great week and no more snow!

I can use Lingonberry jam instead!

*223* <---from a week ago. 

   There was an amazing sale on hams today at the grocery store. 88 cents per lb for butt or shank. I bought two. A butt for today. A butt for Christmas. They were $7 and $8. So the kitchen smells like ham. I forgot to pick up cloves but that is okay. I didn't have anymore grapefruit jam to use as a glaze so I used lingonberry. I have a pot of greens that were in the freezer. Salad and green beans will round it out. Mmmm. Smells goooood!

  I had a bunch of stuff written out to talk about. But something has been tugging at me that I gotta talk about. I think I might try to go back to work. I want to give it a try. I will have safeguards in place. I could get training and help getting a job. If it doesn't work out, at least I tried.I just feel like I have to try to contribute. Get out there and earn. Be around other people. Every one is moving on and I just sit here. Yes, I am not a well person. I have limitations. But..there is the but again, I want to see what my options are. If you have thoughts, let me know.

    I do have to wait until after I have my cataracts done. I see the eye surgeon this coming week for that. I am really scared to have it done but it has become necessary. I am told it is like lasik surgery. You get one done and six weeks later, you get the other one done. I have to get over my fear and just do it.

 I did two things on Thursday that I have been dreading. I paid off and cancelled our gym memberships. I was worried I was gonna owe ALOT (long story) but it was very very little. I was thrilled. So then I went to a salon and got a proper haircut. It has been ages! It felt good. I used to go to the salon my entire childhood thru till I had the girls. Then it was just cheaper to do it myself . I was a beauty school drop out after all. It is past my collar bones with some layers. The curl has come back. I like long hair but it was time for a bit of a change. There is a pic in my IG.

  

Look at this amazing find! I trash picked this rocking chair! I pulled everything out of the jeep on the street and fit it inside and brought her home. I have it set up in the livingroom now. It will go upstairs in my bedroom. I have rubbed furniture oil all over it and it smells good. Did I do good?? I think I did. 

This is blurry but that is okay. You can still see it. One of my first blog posts was called Caffeine, nicotine, and dexedrine. <--you can read it here. I always said that I needed this tattooed on me. Well, I finally did it with a added semi colon for good measure. I forgot to share that. I have had it for about a month. Please note my weight in that post and my weight in this post. Hells yeah!

 Okay, so that is it for this segment. Oh! Happy October 1st. Did you say your Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit? I did. Always do. I hope you have a great weekend and let`s hope Hurricane Matthew stays the hell away!

The Change

*244*<----For reals!

  It is going to be a hot one tomorrow so I want to get much done today before then. It is just after 8am. I have watered outside plants, planted cucumbers, picked a couple strawberries, made coffee and consumed one cup so far. I have so many things to do but I think I will concentrate on cleaning the kitchen, getting Portuguese soup going in crock pot, bake the chocolate bundt cake I promised for FD, clean the downstairs bathroom (yuck), and work on sorting through all the shit here in the dining room. I would love to own a pretty round dining set with four chairs. I am tired of how crowded it still is in here. Everything in time.

  I have some changes going on in my life. My oldest has flown the coop and it is looking like when she comes back, it will be temporary. The youngest is working, making that green. Eventually we might have a empty nest.

  I am going through some changes too. I am in the thick of perimenopause. I didn't get my period. 12 days late so far. I was wickedly bitchy but that went away. So I am thinking it aint coming this time around. It is weird. I thought I would be happy like I joked for years but part of me doesn't like that it didn't come. I really have to make a appointment with a new gyno. I just keep putting it off.

  The other thing that has changed is my energy levels and cognitive, which I have talked about before here. Why I mention that is because I think I want to try to go back to work. Full time work. Making a living wage. Partly because we need the money. Partly because I feel I can do it and at least want to try. I am afraid nobody will hire me. I am 45 and have not worked in 12 years. I have a large gap that would be in my resume. How do I explain that? You tell them you were on disability and your resume would go in the shredder. I cannot work corporate retail at all. My right hip is a issue where I have to be able to sit down periodically so that I am not in immense pain. Baby steps, though. I have to get some therapy first to prepare myself for this. Then the next step is to talk to Social Security about it cause they have a back to work program. After that, I dont know. It has been 12 years. Almost 20 years since I interviewed. I would know where to look.




  I feel like that I could really do this. I just have to dip my toe in. This could be a second chance at earning a living. That would be very exciting.
As for my diabeetus, it is what it is. Some days are good. Some days arent. I am doing well with the low carb eating.  I havent gone extreme yet cause I have to wait for money to buy all my supplies at the end of the month. I have lost weight so that accounts for something!