I must be broken or something

*230* <---all scales are subjective


   I suck. Shake your head at me. I cannot follow through on shit. This was supposed to be No Spend June and it turned into OMG SPEND SOME MONEY BITCH!  I had a vet bill, I had to put oil in the tank, we had to have a dying tree cut down ($600!!!), and I had to buy work clothes for the Hubs new job. Plus I just have no fucking self control when it comes to spending. It started off innocently enough. The heat wave hit and I realized after pulling out all my summer clothes that I owned 2 pairs of shorts total. And one pair was to short for my liking. So i decided that it was okay for me to go to Goodwill and buy some shorts. And I did. I spend $25 on a few pairs of shorts. That is all I bought and I felt okay with that. Then it just snowballed. Again with the take out food. Again with the multiple trips to the grocery store. What the literal fuck, Heidi?

   But if any of you have read here at all, you know that I am a fighter. I will do this again. I am not calling this month a lost cause but I am going to start again fresh for July. Hubs has a new job with different hours. I will have to do all the stuffs around here because he wont be around during the day. When he is around, I do not get much done. I dont know why. Now that he will be gone during the day....I can get the ebay started up again. I can get projects done. I will clean. I will be bored because he is not here so I will do tasks around the house. We shall see if the change in venue will give me a boost of NOT SPENDING. I really am ashamed of myself. I could not even do it for a whole month. There are people out there that have done it for a year. A freaking YEAR!

Okay..I am done flagellating myself.

   Today is the last day of Spring 2017. So far the veggie garden sucks. The only plants that are doing well are the tomatoes. They are growing really nicely. The peppers are not doing well at all. This weird weather has not given them an opportunity to grow. The ones at the community garden looks like they need to be pulled and start all over again. I have time I guess. Yes, buying plants for the garden is spending money. But I place them in the category of food so it is added to the grocery budget.  Since we had the tree cut down in the top yard, we also had some branches trimmed. I got rid of that big one in the side yard that was almost touching the house. Super happy that is gone. We were getting mossy on the roof on that side of the house. Let`s see. Oh yes. I broke the sink upstairs. Dont ask (unless I already told you but I am not searching to see if I did). That was another $200 for a new sink/cabinet/faucet plus give friend some cash for helping. The sink looks faboo though. The old one came with the house and it was supposedly built in to the wall. Like they made it. This one is smaller which is good. Gives the bathroom a little bit more leg room. See, I can be positive.

  Let me think of some positives for this post. Hubs got a new job. We have a beautiful new bathroom sink. The tree that could have fallen on our house is gone. There is more sun in the yard. I took a walk at the beach yesterday......Oh yeah.  Yesterday it was overcast and I decided to take a walk on the boardwalk at the beach in the morning. I did the full boardwalk once. I did not have my sneakers on (last minute decision to go) so I did not want to hurt my feet. I always say that I am going to walk for exercise but I do not. It is because there is this level of guilt that if I go without others, I am a shit head. I do not want to wait until other people decide they want to go. I want to just go. It is better for me to just do it in the morning before it gets hot. Take the two mile walk that I have mapped out, come home, take a shower, and start the rest of my day. I had already decided that tomorrow will be that day.

  What else? Positives! I dont know. I just know I need to get off this computer. I have to strip the bed and wash all the bed linens. I have to water the plants upstairs and vacuum. I have a mountain of my clothes to put away. That is what I will miss the most. Hubs did all the laundry. Now that his shift has flipped, he is going to be too tired to be doing that. Did I just say that? LOL I think he needs to know how much I appreciate him. Oh. I forgot. I had an MRI on my cervical spine. It shows arthritis but there is not bulges or herniations. Yay me!

That is all for now. I am sorry that I missed a week. Last week, I had a UTI from hell and I was just not in the mood for anything. If you have ever had a UTI, you will completely understand.
I will be back next week with more of my whining.

Groundhog day is a-coming

*233*

 Tomorrow is the big day. Will we see 6 more weeks of temps in the 40s?? We have had such a non winter this year. I am loving it. I am one of the primary shovelers in the house and I am just not in the mood. We could get slammed. It could happen! This whole week will be in the 40s-50s (almost 60 deg f today) so if it is gonna happen, it should be soon.

   My sort of resolution is working out pretty good so far. I decided since I almost died, I am gonna do what I want and say what I want. I am making myself be positive because nobody..especially me..wants to hear the downs all the time. Look. My physical life sucks ass. (more on that) and we all know it. Part of me thinks I dont have long on this Earth. So I am going to try to be happy, get my affairs in order, pay off outstanding debt, sell off my miniatures, teach the girls my secrets, and make a book for them so they will know everything. Insurance, bills, passwords...the whole shit show!  I am going to stop putting off stuff so I can be happy.

  Today I had a mammo. Just routine. I have to wait till my GP gets the results. Then he can schedule a ultrasound. My boobs are super dense even for my age. Cancer can hide in there so having the extra scan must be done. Then next Monday I will have my upper endo and colonoscopy. They gotta see what is going on with my whole gut. Lots of issues that I will share if they find anything. Like I said, trying to keep it positive. 

  I have two recipes that I wanted to share with you. One I have made this weekend and one I am making today.

The first is a pasta dish. It is called Chicken and Bacon Pasta with Spinach and Tomatoes in a Garlic cream sauce. That is a mouthful of a title! The only thing I changed was replaced the cut up tomatoes with a can of crushed. This recipe is a KEEPER! We all liked it and there were no leftovers.

The 2nd recipe is a rice dish. It is called Salsa Chicken Casserole. I am making this today. It looks oh so good. We usually do tacos on Monday so this is a good change. I am changing it a smidge. I took half a jar of salsa and a can of enchilada sauce and pureed it in the blender. That will replace the just salsa portion. And the chicken has been marinating in a dry rub of cumin, coriander, cayenne, paprika, chili powder, garlic powder, onion powder, salt, and crushed black pepper.. I think it should have more then just an afterthought off salt and pepper.
I will make corn bread to go with this. Sounds good, huh?

  I have been selling off all my full scale miniatures. I decided it was okay to do that this past Fall. I discussed it with my therapist. I started off small. I am now just going for it. I have a few really nice 1/2 scale kits that a dear friend gave me. Part of the money will be used to buy 1/2 scale furniture and fixtures for those houses. My house is just too small for the bigger houses of my childhood dreams. If I died tomorrow, the Hubs would have chucked all the minis in the trash. That is alot of money spent. So I am selling them and giving stuff away. Clear the decks of all things unwanted and unloved.

That is about it. I wish it was Spring so I could plant but it isnt. Two more months to go!

Life is a trip

*250*

  I am here. Just many things have been going on. Right now today I am dealing with having a brain MRI tonight. We are checking to see if I have a cerebral spinal fluid leak. Yup. We are back at that again. Three years ago I was at this same point. But it turned out to be my mastoid. This time it might actually be a leak from my sinus. I am taking a pill called Topomax for my head and neck pain. This is day four. It makes me feel loopy. That and feeling like garbage cause of my head and you can bet my ass spends alot of time in bed.
 I did try to be normal today. I raked some poopy leaves from under the bushes while the dogs were out. I am washing some clothes. I put all the scarves away for the season. I cleaned the livingroom, including dusting and vacuuming. We had the windows open too. Feels good.
It will be snowing later but I digress.
  This has what has been going on. I am a downer cause my life is suckage right now. I know that will change. Everything does. You will see my weight steadily drop as I post. That is if I continue to take this pill. My appetite is nil. Today I had a cup of coffee and a forced banana. It is 1pm. Everything tastes gross so there is no point. It is a plus for a diabetic.
eh. whatever.
I have been called out as a downer because I am not POSITIVE lately!  Maybe that is why I dont post. What is the point. I should just take a picture. Post it. Voila. There can only be positive from that.
Happy Easter to all of you that celebrate!

Big Girl Decisions

Hilda- plus size pin up

*248*

  I have some decisions to make. This ketogenic eating is really hard. I just cannot maintain on 20 g of carbs or less a day. It makes me feel like mega shit. I can eat 40-50 carbs a day and feel really good. That is way less then what the recommended amounts are. Alot of these women (in the fb group) are in starving mode and so nasty to each other. It totally turns me off. If somebody even hints they are not eating *clean*, they jump on them.  That shit is not for me. Look! I have lost quite a bit since I started this. There have been a shit ton of bumps in the road. I cant even exercise properly cause of my damn feet. But I will not let some stranger guilt me because I ate a baked pretzel today for a snack. I have only consumed 663 calories so far today.  I will never eat another 700 for dinner. I am going to keep my calories low, eat low carbs, more fats, and hope my feet heal!

 That is big girl decision #1.

   Last week, I was bored. I went poking around on FB. For some reason, I got the urge to look up my sister`s name. She has never been on FB for the umpteen years that I have been on. My brother`s either. Well guess what I found. My sister is on FB. It freaked me out. Just from what I saw. She looks so much older. It has been almost 15 years. She has her shit on public, so she has a ton of people that just added her. It is sad. It made me sad. For a fleeting moment I was going to friend request her. I would tell her that this was strictly online for now. I am not going into specifics but if someone hasnt talked to their older sibling for almost 20 years, they must have a good reason. I didnt friend her. I just sat on that decision to see how a few days would make me feel. I decided that I was going to leave it be for now. I may revisit this at a later date. I will also talk to the therapist about this tomorrow.  That can of worms is staying closed.


Big girl decision #2 down!

Major pressing issue, the boy that needs to grow up to be a man. He is coming back here on Friday. He has been gone more then a month. He calls it his vacation. Vacation from what, I dont care. I was supposed to write out a *contract* for my therapist to see tomorrow. It would outline all that we want him to do so that he can continue to live here. He has to get a job. He has to pay us $50 a week. He (and everyone) has to limit their showers to 15 minutes. Winter is coming and oil is expensive.  He has to save money throughout the Fall and Winter. If he is still here, he has until April 1st. He should have enough saved to move out. If he misses a week paying, he has to pay both weeks the following week or he will have to live somewhere else.

   It is so simple. We have thrown family out before because they were not holding up their end of the bargain. I just dont see why this is so hard. He has been here more or less since March 2014. He has never given us a penny towards his living here. So things are going to change.


Big girl decision #3..I am on a roll.

   Lastly, I have been really working on this house. We own a older, wooden, short, and orange colored tv stand. It has been in this house over 10 years. It hasnt been used forever. I was gonna toss it. A lightbulb went over my head. We are going to give #2 our flat screen from our bedroom and get a slightly larger one. I measured the base of our tv. It will fit on said tv cart/stand. Today I washed it and used a entire can of gloss black Valspar spray paint on it. I need one more can. It will go in the kid`s room after we paint. I brought all the houseplants inside. I am going to try to overwinter my wax begonias from the porch pots. They are so pretty that they deserve to survive! If they die, they cost me next to nothing. 


Okay, I gotta get moving again. I have to bring the tv stand inside just in case it rains. I have dishes to finish and I got to work on dinner. Sausage with potatoes. Yummy!


Have a great week!