Tuesday, June 20, 2017

I must be broken or something

*230* <---all scales are subjective

   I suck. Shake your head at me. I cannot follow through on shit. This was supposed to be No Spend June and it turned into OMG SPEND SOME MONEY BITCH!  I had a vet bill, I had to put oil in the tank, we had to have a dying tree cut down ($600!!!), and I had to buy work clothes for the Hubs new job. Plus I just have no fucking self control when it comes to spending. It started off innocently enough. The heat wave hit and I realized after pulling out all my summer clothes that I owned 2 pairs of shorts total. And one pair was to short for my liking. So i decided that it was okay for me to go to Goodwill and buy some shorts. And I did. I spend $25 on a few pairs of shorts. That is all I bought and I felt okay with that. Then it just snowballed. Again with the take out food. Again with the multiple trips to the grocery store. What the literal fuck, Heidi?

   But if any of you have read here at all, you know that I am a fighter. I will do this again. I am not calling this month a lost cause but I am going to start again fresh for July. Hubs has a new job with different hours. I will have to do all the stuffs around here because he wont be around during the day. When he is around, I do not get much done. I dont know why. Now that he will be gone during the day....I can get the ebay started up again. I can get projects done. I will clean. I will be bored because he is not here so I will do tasks around the house. We shall see if the change in venue will give me a boost of NOT SPENDING. I really am ashamed of myself. I could not even do it for a whole month. There are people out there that have done it for a year. A freaking YEAR!

Okay..I am done flagellating myself.

   Today is the last day of Spring 2017. So far the veggie garden sucks. The only plants that are doing well are the tomatoes. They are growing really nicely. The peppers are not doing well at all. This weird weather has not given them an opportunity to grow. The ones at the community garden looks like they need to be pulled and start all over again. I have time I guess. Yes, buying plants for the garden is spending money. But I place them in the category of food so it is added to the grocery budget.  Since we had the tree cut down in the top yard, we also had some branches trimmed. I got rid of that big one in the side yard that was almost touching the house. Super happy that is gone. We were getting mossy on the roof on that side of the house. Let`s see. Oh yes. I broke the sink upstairs. Dont ask (unless I already told you but I am not searching to see if I did). That was another $200 for a new sink/cabinet/faucet plus give friend some cash for helping. The sink looks faboo though. The old one came with the house and it was supposedly built in to the wall. Like they made it. This one is smaller which is good. Gives the bathroom a little bit more leg room. See, I can be positive.

  Let me think of some positives for this post. Hubs got a new job. We have a beautiful new bathroom sink. The tree that could have fallen on our house is gone. There is more sun in the yard. I took a walk at the beach yesterday......Oh yeah.  Yesterday it was overcast and I decided to take a walk on the boardwalk at the beach in the morning. I did the full boardwalk once. I did not have my sneakers on (last minute decision to go) so I did not want to hurt my feet. I always say that I am going to walk for exercise but I do not. It is because there is this level of guilt that if I go without others, I am a shit head. I do not want to wait until other people decide they want to go. I want to just go. It is better for me to just do it in the morning before it gets hot. Take the two mile walk that I have mapped out, come home, take a shower, and start the rest of my day. I had already decided that tomorrow will be that day.

  What else? Positives! I dont know. I just know I need to get off this computer. I have to strip the bed and wash all the bed linens. I have to water the plants upstairs and vacuum. I have a mountain of my clothes to put away. That is what I will miss the most. Hubs did all the laundry. Now that his shift has flipped, he is going to be too tired to be doing that. Did I just say that? LOL I think he needs to know how much I appreciate him. Oh. I forgot. I had an MRI on my cervical spine. It shows arthritis but there is not bulges or herniations. Yay me!

That is all for now. I am sorry that I missed a week. Last week, I had a UTI from hell and I was just not in the mood for anything. If you have ever had a UTI, you will completely understand.
I will be back next week with more of my whining.

Monday, June 5, 2017

No Spend June Week 1

Hot Flashes SUCK!


  I am warning myself and anyone that is reading. I have to leave here to take Kid #1 someplace so this post can be really good and at some point it drops off a cliff. If I stay here and write, I can keep my train of thought. If I have to leave and come back hours later and I do not have any notes as to what I wanted to talk about, this post get real boring, really quick. With that being said, I will tell you how my past week has gone.

   We will start off with the spending. I did cave a little bit. Someone gave us a never used fire pit. Oh bestill my beating heart. I have always wanted one! We will use it up in the top yard. Anyway, I was at Walmart picking up cleaning stuff and a bit of groceries and Hubs NEEDED a pair of readers cause he finally decided to fess up. So everything on that day was within the bounds of need except for two tiki torches. Total for the two was a little over $8. They will keep us from being bitten when we are burning the woods. No excusing what I did but I said I would fess up. As for how I did this week, I did pretty good. I stuck to the plan. Since last week was a short one, I did not spend $150 on groceries. I spent 88.53 on groceries, that included those glasses, toiletries, dog and cat food. I paid all the allotted bills for this week. I did spend $50 for our portion for a cookout that is coming up next month. I could have said no, I cannot but that would have started a major shit so I decided to treat it like a bill just for this month.  I have been bringing water with me and I bring my coffee in metal coffee cuppy thing for the car. There will be no stops for nothing unless my blood sugar is tanking and I have stuff in my purse for that anyway.  So yes, I did not completely no spend this week. I am hoping this week will be much better.
  I am not much of a coupon person because I do not buy many processed foods. That is where most of the savings in coupons comes from. You never find a coupon for a gallon of milk. At least, I never have. I do not have the cognitive patience to hunt down, sort out, and use them. I will just try to shop less. Keep within the budget boundaries and see how I do this month.  I took out a ham for dinner. I read that you can cook it frozen. It will take 4 hours to cook but that is okay. It is only 1pm. That ham will give us a few meals this week. Pea soup included!
   Today was my last day of PT. We mutually decided that two months was good. It really isnt helping me so I have to follow up with my massage therapist. Soft tissue injuries can be a pain in the ass. I know that is true. I am tired of being in constant pain in my neck and head. If you had a daily headache, you would be in a pissy mood also. I sent message to the lawyers office and to my massage therapist. Once a week should be good to help out. I have a TENS unit here so I will use that and my traction. I will not let this get any worse if I can help it.

   I read an entire book this weekend. That hasnt happened in ages. The book is called Wheat Belly. It talks about how the wheat and grains we eat today are nothing genetically like the wheat and grains our grandparents ate. Wheat is the reason many of us are sick. I knew this already but I needed a refresher. It is basically talking about keto without actually saying keto. It is not a keto book. It is a really good book that will open your eyes. If you can get a copy, give it a gander. My next book is about sugar addiction. I cannot remember what it is called. Let me find the picture.....

The Sugar Detox one. That is what I will read next. I read all about Perimenopause in the dummy book but I have to read the rest. The houseplant book will be a fun book to get different ideas on houseplants. Speaking of, I am going to repot my tall cactus today. Wish me luck. I do know how to handle them (use a newspaper lasso to hug around the plant for lifting). She is need of a bigger pot and fresh soil. I will do that after I drop the kid off. But these are the books I bought at the library book sale. I cannot believe I have gotten back into reading. It has been so hard the past few years to have some kind of cognitive skill to pay attention or have the want to read. I was a big time reader. BIG! I know that it could disappear again just as quickly as it came so I will enjoy it while it lasts.

  Hot flashes suck. I have been suffering so badly the past 10 days or so. All I have to do is bend over to pick up a fork and I break out in a flop sweat. We have been having a very cold Spring and still cool into the 2nd week of June. Part of me hopes it stays this way but we know that will not happen. Summer has to show up eventually. And I will have to find a block of ice to sit on.

   I am really tired of younger people acting like their auto immune issues are way more important then mine. It seems that age doesn't matter to some people. I can be over 20 years older then a person but supposedly their aches and pains are more significant. Because I know how to pace myself, I should be the one taking care of them. Even though I have alot of bad days, I am expected to forgo my own health plan to make sure others get what they need. I want to say bullshit really loudly. But I have been told that wouldnt be fair. I just sit and ignore the moans and groans. Most of the time, those noises are a signal for ME to do something. Nah! I had to say it! It has been bugging me lately and especially today.

 Oh...I got my mouth guard this week. Happy Day! It is used for people that grind their teeth at night. The grinding is really not good for the periodontal. I did have a guard that I bought at the pharmacy. It worked really well but they are only good for a few months. I hope to see some really good results with my teeth numbers when I go to get counted in July.  When you have periodontal disease, they count the spaces between your gums and your upper inside teeth. It is not a pleasant experience. It is looking for bone loss. Each tooth is given a number. The lower the number (0,1,2,3) the better. Upper numbers are bad. My back lower right molar aka problem child is a lost cause. It is at an 8 at this point. We keep it because it is still rooted in my mouth. You want to keep the teeth in your head as long as possible.

  That is about it for now. Send out positive thoughts to me this week. NO SPENDING! NO SPENDING! NO SPENDING! You can do it Heidi! We have faith in you!

Have a good week, all.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

June 1st Equals New Beginnings

*233* <---I checked at PT yesterday. This is good! I lost 6lbs!

  I have a headache. So I do not know how long this post will be. I am going to consume some Tylenol and hope that it goes away. I am toasting some low carb bread and I will spread some plant based cheeze on it. I didn't eat much last night cause I just wasn't feeling it.

  Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit! Happy June 1st to you all. Summer is basically here in my mind. It is still too cool here in my neck of the woods but the sun is out today. Just today though. More rain to come this week. Yuck. I really need to go to the community garden today on my travels and pick some radishes. I have to remember to grab my tomato cages for there also. We have radishes, lettuce, four types of tomatoes, basil, cayenne peppers, and strawberries. When the lettuce and radish is over, we will plant some bell peppers in their place.

Okay, I also made a bowl of salad greens with a cut up hard boiled egg, a slice of cheddar cheese, red wine vinegar with salt and pepper. Well rounded with the cheese toast. My headache is subsiding a little bit. *eating*
Ahhh. Feel much better. Okay..

   Today starts the first official day of No Spend June. I have a notebook set up where I will calculate how much I spend on groceries and any bills that come up that are not in the normal realm of the budget. I had to pay a small hospital bill and Hubs had to pay his $50 portion to go to a family cookout. The girls and I are not going because we cannot afford to pay for everyone. Plus we have other stuffs going on. I did go out and buy a case of water. That is going to stop me from going out and buying drinks. Baby steps with some things just yet. I did buy a insulated coffee cup for me and the hubs so we can bring coffee with us when we go out.  I am really going to stick with this. If I cannot do this for an entire month, there is something wrong with me. Even if a deal is so outrageously good, I am not doing it. I had a lottery scratch off ticket that was a $3 winner. I cashed it in and took the money. I would have easily just bought another ticket. Nope. That is an extra $3 in the budget. I will do some sort of tally at the end of each week so like on Sundays. I have five weeks this month so this is going to be interesting.

  Today also starts getting back into keto full time. I am going to really fight the carby cravings and the keto flu for the next week. I will not cave! I fit into 80% of my summer shorts from last year. There are a couple that need me to lose about 5 more lbs or so. I have a couple shirts that I wore that I will not wear yet because I really need to lose the spare tire again. She is more like a bike tire now but it is still there and no no no.  The saving money and the keto eating work two fold also. I need to spend a day going through the pantry, fridge, and both freezers. Throw anything away that needs to go cause it is old, make a list of what I have, and then we can go from there when we go shopping. I am not going to do a whole month shopping at once because our house isnt that big. I plan on doing a every two week big shopping and once a week perishable shopping. Dairy, eggs, veggies. And I will always stick to my list because I have to.

Okay. I can do this! I have to decide what is for dinner. I do have some tilapia that I could bake. I have some asparagus too. That would be a nice dinner. Lemon fish with greens and asparagus. Add some fat in there like butter galore. Mmmm

I gotta go now. The kid needs a ride to work. Have a good week and I wish me luck!

Monday, May 29, 2017

Memorial Day 2017

*237...maybe and hot flashes suck!*

   I hope you are having a solemn and sunny Memorial Day today. It has been raining since pretty early this morning. I think cooking on the grill is a no today for us. Many of the local parades have been cancelled also.  I can cook inside the house but I was so looking forward to charred sausages. At least we wont have to hear any fireworks tonight from the neighbors. Crossing fingers.

   June 1st is the start of an experiment for us as a family. I am going to try to do a No Spend Month. We will pay bills, scripts, necessities, and groceries. We are going to eat out of the freezers and the cabinets also. There is alot of food in there that needs to see the light of day. I will shop for things like perishables but we will extremely limit what we buy at the grocery store this month. I bought my monthly order of low carb bread for Hubs and I. I was going to buy a couple other things but I deleted from the list. Bread is all we really need and bread is all we are going to get. I love the low carb bread by the way. OMG! You can find it on Netrition.com and it is called Great Low Carb Bread Company.   Yes, it is 7.99 a loaf. But the slices are thin and you keep the bread in the freezer to make it last. I bought one loaf of Everything bread. It lasted almost a month. And we were very conservative with it. I bought 3 loaves this time. They will probably last us about two months total. Really good if you are diabetic and want to eat bread again.
  Anyway. I am going to make a list in my notebook of all the necessities I buy for the month of June. If it is not something we need, I am not buying it. I have a packed pantry that needs to be organized so we can actually see what we have to use for meals. I bought two big bags of charcoal on sale so that will last us too. I want this house to be worked on and it will not happen if we are constantly buying take out. Enough!

  The kid and I planted peppers, tomatoes, and basil yesterday. It has been a slow start to the growing season but it will pick up as it gets warmer. She pulled some nice big radishes and they were super spicy the way I like it. We have many strawberries that are tiny and white. They will be a lovely treat in a couple weeks. I do have some strawberries in the fridge that I need to cut up and freeze. I always have something that has to be done. Ugh. Since it is raining, I will probably do burgers and sausages in the house. I have some curly fries for the girls. Hubs and I can have some baked cauliflower that I found online. I will use almond flour in place of the bread crumbs. I have not bought the low carb bread crumbs yet.

   I have been doing well without taking the steroid of my gut. If I stay away from dairy and wheat, my colon is a good girl. It doesnt get all upset by my food choices. I do have to give up alot but I would rather just eat right instead of taking a pill that will make me blow up like a balloon. I am doing good this past week. I still am dealing with the pain from my whiplash but if I ignore that shit, all is okay. I am surprised I am not dealing with fibro flare. The weather has been so iffy lately. We have not had steady warmth yet. It is coming. Just not today.

  I am procrasting while I post this. I have dishes waiting for me and I have a pile of clothes to put away. I put half away yesterday so the other half is screaming for recognition. I am putting away winter and pulling out summer. I am also tossing anything I did not wear. They will go in the donation bins. I have to make room for others that I might find for free or really cheap...just not in June. So yeah..i could really just take a nap at this point cause the weather calls for it.  I will do a weekly tally of what I spent of food, any times I said no and what it was for, and if I mess up..I will say so. I think I will finish the dishes and take a nap with the dogs.

Monday, May 15, 2017

Life can be a bowl of cherries

*2??* <---ignoring for now

  Hey there. How are you doing? I have been up to so much stuff lately that I completely forgot about last week. I am not going to look back at what I posted the last time. I am just gonna move on with my life and if I forgot to share something, you can always leave a comment..or not.

  Today was a good day. I had my 2nd appointment with Bureau of Rehabilitation Services. I was accepted to be in the program. They are going to help me find meaningful work. Real work. Like career shit. I will get help with a resume, interview coaching, looking for work in what I want and what I am able to do, coaching on the job, and all kinds of stuff. This is a major big deal for me. They are going to help advertise me to places so that I have a better chance of getting a good job. I have to do some assessment tests this week that I bring in next week and then do some more. This will not be super fast but it will move along at a good pace and they will stick with me until I am ready to fly. Very happy.

  If it rains one more day, I will officially become a mushroom farmer. We have had more rain than sun the past couple weeks. And it has been so cold here. Like I had to throw another quilt on the bed and close all the windows. Hopefully they are correct that it will be in the 70s mid week. My lettuce is not growing very fast because of the lack of sunshine.  It has to warm up before I plant the peppers and tomatoes too. They will have issues if I buy them now.  I do have all my annuals out now. They will have to sink or swim because I love to have those punches of color.  There are impatients in the hanging cones and a mixer of different annuals in the hangers in the yard. We had a bit of wind on MD and one of my new Pinwheels died. I brought them all in. Once they have dried out, I will woodglue them all so they are sturdy. That is what I had to do with the last batch I bought a couple years ago.

  Health wise, I am doing ok. The lump left over from the breast biopsy is still there. It doesnt hurt like it did but it unnerves me that it is still there. I figured it would have shrunk by now. I will tell the Dr if it is still there in June. I had to go back to the dentist this past week for a cracked filling. Thankfully it was one that had been filled recently so there was no charge for that. So instead I had them make molds for me to get dental guards for my grinding at night. The one that you get at the pharmacy is okay but it is not as good as the real deal ones that you have made for your mouth. I want to save my teeth from the damage that I am causing and this is one of the culprits.

 The other culprit has been my eating. Look. I have been talking so much as to how I have to get back to eating right because I gained 10 (really 13) lbs. This morning, I had a lightbulb moment. I started this way of eating because of what happened in the Doctors office last year on a particular day. He upped my night time and day time insulin. He told me that I was at a medical cross roads. I will gain weight with the increase of my insulin. Then he will have to increase it again because I gained weight. I do not want to die before I am 50 because I chose Lay`s potato chips over life.  But I have some adjustments that I had to make to this for my own well being. It will not be high fat. It will be moderate fat. Low carb, moderate fat, moderate protein.  I will not do cheat days but if once in awhile, something comes up that I want to eat, I will. Like tonight I will have strawberries with whipped cream.  With keto there would have been no strawberries allowed. So I am not doing keto. I am just doing low carb with the option to buy. Low insulin numbers! That is what we are striving for. No more ruining our good name in our diabetic meter because we wanted a candy bar! We can eat a Quest bar instead!

  What else? I had a really good Mother`s Day. Kid #1 acknowledged me. Kid #2 cleaned the house and helped Hubs cook dinner. I got Lush products and flowers. I did do some stuff but that is how I am but afterward I laid around and watched Simon and Martina on Youtube. They are funnier than all get out. But I warn you. Once you get sucked in, do not blame me for the wasted hours of funny food porn. Can you believe it though?? After all of those years of sucky MDs..I finally got a good one? Makes me extra happy about that.

Okay..I am going to go. I have to go pick up #2 at work and dinner will be done soon. I hope you have a wonderful week ahead with lots of sunshine and no ants!

Monday, May 1, 2017

Mercury in Retrograde Bitches

*230* <---Fuck You!

  May 1st! Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit to you all. Today marks the exact day last year that Hubs and I went full throttle with the new way of eating. I have been pecking at it the past couple weeks but today is full on. 25 grams or less of carbs a day. Post everything on MyFitnessPal to keep an eye on my numbers. I will struggle but I am dealing with Retrograde so it is what it is.

   Okay, I left because I had a shit ton of errands to do today. I started this at lunch time and now it is almost 6pm. Workman`s comp stuff, copying stuff, going to my lawyer`s office for stuff, getting a cold brew because I deserve it and supplies for the sick #2. She seems to have caught a Springtime head cold. Which sucks because she has an ultrasound to do on Wednesday. She isn't coughing so maybe she will be able to do it. She is also having 3 wisdom teeth taken out on Friday. Oy!  I have been busy with preparations.

    Retrograde has made me such a mess this time around. At least the tail end of it has. I have been not a very nice person and very emotional. Super duper not nice. Today has been better. It ends in 3 more days so it must be taking it`s clutches off of me. Mean. Weepy. Suspicious. Eating anything and everything. I blame that part also on the stupid steroids. I took the steroid for my colitis for a week. I ate an entire family sized bag of Lay`s and the next day a half a bag of Doritos. Those pills had to go. I am staying away from dairy except for the little bits of butter that I can tolerate. And I am staying away from all grains that have gluten. Those things (among others) gives me great issues. Like I may shit myself in public issues. I do not want that. Plus, I gained weight. I am not here on this Earth to go backward. I refuse! Only forward. And forward is smaller underwear sizes.

  Today I planted some impatients in the cone baskets on the porch. I was ready to dig in the dirt! I also have enough cactus dirt to repot all my special in house babies. I have to just get a time to do it. Some of them really need to be put in bigger pots with fresh digs. It has still been too cold to really get into gardening. Like really cold. Like not May at all. But I will enjoy it because it will get hot eventually and I will hate every moment of it. Especially now that I am dealing with old lady days.

  I am sorry that this is just not a good post. I am exhausted from all the running around and I still have to get dinner going. We are having chicken enchilada soup. I have to start some rice in the cooker for the girls. The man and I will eat it without any carbs in it.  Again, I left you to fold some laundry and water my jade and aloe plants. This Monday was not a good one for posting but I havent posted in a bit so I am throwing this bone out there.

  I am here. I am eating low carb high fat. I am going to stick with it because today is the anniversary day of last year and it has symbolism to me. I wont wreck that. I intend to lose the 10ish lbs I have gained and try to lose another 40 over the next few months. That would be a nifty thing to happen. I am going to make it so.

Have a great week and I will be back around next Sunday.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

The Tax Man Cometh

*22?* I really have no idea

  No Boob Cancer!

  I was so preoccupied with life that I plum forgot to post what I found out. I am forever sorry for that. I have a lesion. No cancer. Basically aging boobs. I had a friend PM me on Facebook to talk to me about it. She has had extensive reconstructive surgery from cancer surgeries on the breasts. I have a HUGE hematoma but I was told it will go away on it`s own. Not to worry about it and I will not. All is good. Phew!

   Monday I went to the Bureau of Rehabilitation. It has been a few months of waiting for this appointment. They are going to help me get back to work or try to get back to work. They can actually hunt down jobs for me. I decided that I want to try part time first and gradually see if I can add hours if a particular job allows. I want to work in an office with the ability to move around from seated to standing positions. I will be able to get job training, resume help, interview skills, and head hunters looking for jobs for me. I am actually a bit excited about it. It has been a long time since I worked but I think I am ready to try.

  Today I will do our taxes. I hate it. It is not super hard. I had no issues last year. It is just we do not get a refund so there is no fun in it. Do the taxes. Pay the bill. It is done. So I always wait to the last minute. This is where I wholeheartedly say I procrastinate. Since Kid #2 is working, this will be the last tax season we can claim her. At least I think it is. I know there is an income cut off where I cannot claim her anymore. I figured I would do it this time and then next year let her be her own adult person.

   I had to leave and run errands and take the Kid #2 to the dentist. It is like 5 hours later so I am here to finish this up. I learned something on my travels. I found out that I cannot ever take statins for my cholesterol issues. My issues are genetic, not food based. I have allergic reactions to two statins so that basically means I cannot take any of them anymore. My Endo is putting me on Zetia but that is a supplement to add to statins It is not going to help me. So I asked the pharmacist what to do. He said becoming plant based. You eat vegan and your cholesterol numbers fall right into line. How sad does that sound for me? Plant based (no meat, fish, eggs, or dairy), no grains or wheat, no rice, and no higher carbohydrate foods. I am smart. I know I could eat fake meats to supplement my meals. Most are soy based which is not the greatest. I could eat beans which are higher carb but I have to eat something. I am going to give it time. I bought some Morning Star fake meat crumbles. Tonight is taco salad night. I am going to use that as my meat. I am not going to use cheese or sour cream either. Stripped down taco salad with fake meat and no corn chips. Yup. Is it gonna come down to me eating flavored cardboard for meals? Seriously!

  I was supposed to do our taxes today. That aint gonna happen. I got home at 5pm and dinner has to get started. I will do it tomorrow. I promise. I swear! I have a bath bomb that is calling my name too. I want to soak my sore muscles and shit.

Okay...let me get off this thing. Let me cook my plant based meat and see how it tastes. You all have a wonderful Passover and Easter. If I do not post on Sunday, I will see you on Monday. Have a good night!