Friday, April 13, 2018

Forgive me for my tardiness


  Yes, I have breast cancer in my right breast. This is why I havent posted. I have been walking around in a bit of a fog. I had a MRI biopsy on my left breast yesterday. Next Friday I see the boob surgeon to talk about what those results are and what my journey will be. I have a Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC) that is Estrogen and Progesterone positive and HER2 negative <---that is very good. It is very small, about 9mm. If there is nothing nasty going on in the left, I will probably just have surgery and take the Tamoxifen for five years. But I do not know what is going to happen. We do not know if it is in my lymph nodes. We do not know what is in my left breast. So I have no more answers then what I just said.

  That is all I really want to talk about today. I am just not ready to engage with people. I have been working in the garden bed on the side of the house to get it ready for planting. I have been just keeping busy so I do not have to think about it. I just realized I had not posted and guessing there are some of you that were waiting to hear from me. I am sorry, please forgive me.

Ok. I will post when I think about it and I will let you know what is going on. I am going to go work on the chicken dinner I have planned.
Have a good weekend.

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Easter is a-coming


  I am eating my breakfast as I type this up. Still feeling under the weather from whatever that virus was the hit me but it doesn't stop my gut from being hungry. I have got a smidge more then a month until my appointment with my GP and I have lost no weight. I am going to pull out all the stops starting yesterday. Keto all the way. I am not going to starve myself to lose weight though. Do not worry. I should have been doing this all along and I am a dummy (i say that to myself). I deserve to be told that I have to raise the amount of insulin that I take. Doesn't mean I will follow Doctors advice but I deserve to be told. He is gonna yell at me for not taking the Crestor. He and I both know I cannot take a statin. It gives me bad side effects. But I have high cholesterol. Part of me knows I should eat vegan but we all know that isnt going to happen. I do not like deprivation. I do not care if it will give me more years. I deprive myself every day of yummy foods and I cannot see myself not eating meats, eggs, and cheeses.  You see how well I am doing with losing weight for a Doctor`s visit is going.  Yes, I said I will not follow the Doctor`s orders when he raises my insulin. I am not walking around with super high blood sugars and I have lost damn near 65lbs in the past thousand years. I am going to just try to stay the fuck away from carbs and sugar. Stay away demons!

Saw the boob surgeon

   I had to reschedule my appointment because of a snow storm but I saw her that Friday after. She told me that she wanted to call me on the phone and explain what was found but she felt it would be better with visuals. Just the fact that she wanted to call me made me feel better but also made me go..oh boy.  She showed me the MRI of both breasts. The mass on the right is bright white and you can see the irregular margins. She said it could be a whole bunch of things. She rattled them all off and I do not remember. I said *or it could be cancer. * She said Yes but if it is, it is very very small. Then the other side is a big mass of non mass, 3cmX3cm. It could be a whole bunch of things from the most benign to ductal carcinoma. I am sitting here waiting for the hospital to call to set up appointment for a Ultrasound with possible biopsies. If they cannot see the things in question on ultrasound, I will have to have another MRI done and they will do the biopsies then. I do not want any biopsies at all. None. I hate them. They hurt me so much. Yeah. That is what is going on with me right now. Wondering if I have ticking time bombs in my breasts.


  I am just trying to get by day to day. Money is extremely tight right now. I am hoping that it will get better. I am hoping that if I do have cancer, it does not need chemotherapy. Because I have my hustle and if I cannot do the hustle, we will be in serious trouble. I am trying to just get stuff done. There is so much to get done and there is only just me to do it. Yes, I know there are three other adults in this house but you all know my story. I do not have to repeat it to you. The things facing me at the moment....Install new Firestick. Taxes. New batch of kombucha. laundry. Mount clothes in my room. Bagging leaves and branches. Washing pots outside. Vacuuming. Wash the stairs. The list goes on and on. Oh, and I have to call Insurance cause that is all screwed up. But that can only happen after I drop my adult child off to work. Seriously..

April 1st

  I need to take the ham out of the freezer on Thursday. I have to go grocery shopping for all the food stuff for Easter dinner. We will have a veggie feast like years past. I will make a pot of mashed potatoes but I will not indulge. I will be happy with my meat and veggies. They want me to make lemon cupcakes with lemon cream cheese frosting. I will do it and it will be so hard not to eat one. OMG so hard. I did buy candy for baskets because I dont know why. I am trying really hard to stop doing things for them because they are grown assed people but then nostalgia hits and they bitch that they want a basket. Idk.

Ugh. I do not feel good. Feeling queasy over here. I also realize I have change to roll. We save our change, roll it (cause it is free), take it to the bank, and put it in savings. I probably only have about $50 but that is better then nothing.
I am going to go now. I am still in my jammies over here and I have to pick myself up and get some stuff done. yuck.
Have a good week and I will be back next week with some updates.

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Stupidity to the highest degree


  I am late. I am late. For a very important date! I had the Mother of all migraines on Monday and it settled in until yesterday. I am not 100% today but I am functional.  We shall see how far I get before my head says No bitch and I have to end this. The 4th Nor`easter we had planned for yesterday was a major bust. It did finally snow in the evening but when we woke up in the morning, the hard surfaces were clean. No shoveling!! My hope is that will be THE last snow storm until like late October or November. Go snow. Just go. Easter is so close and we need some warmer weather so we can wear our sun dresses and sandals. *** I left to drop off Kid #2 at work, I seasoned these pork rib tips (in fridge) for dinner, and I ate a half a sleeve of Dos si dos.***

   Let me just get right to it. I had gotten an email last Friday stating that it was my MRI and mammogram results. My appt with the Boob surgeon wasnt until yesterday (which was cancelled because of the non snow). I was stupid and looked at the results. The radiologist found one thing in each breast. They are labeled as possible malignancies. Right Breast : There is a 9 mm mass with irregular borders seen at 1:00, anterior depth, approximately 3.4 cm from the nipple. It demonstrates washout enhancement kinetics and is minimally T2 hyperintense. Left Breast:  There is an area of nonmass enhancement seen just posterior to this, at 12:00, posterior depth. It measures approximately 3.3 x 3.2 cm in biaxial dimension. It demonstrates persistent and plateau enhancement kinetics.
It has been suggested that I have core biopsies on both breasts. I have a appt with the surgeon tomorrow (Friday). I will tell her that I was stupid and read the report. She will tell me what she has to tell me. The scary part is the Mammo. They did not do a 3d tomo mammo on me at this particular facility. The mammo says my breasts look fine. They look FINE! So yeah. More fucking breast biopsies and who knows what else.
  Then I get the report back from the Upper Endoscopy. It says I have Barretts Esophagus. That is your next step before the next step is esophageal cancer. I know I am stretching but I never wanted to be diagnosed with BE. I cannot take PPIs and other GERD meds because my past Cdiff. Screwed I am, arent I?
 My pharmacist suggested looking into Autophagy. Basically water fasting. You do not do it for long periods of time at first. Slowly over the months before you build up to longer fasts. I am supposed to eat Keto also when I am not water fasting. This is the way to try to stop the madness that is my body. Or give up and let it take over.  I am basically not going to be able to take the Methotrexate for my PA because I will probably be put on the cancer drug I talked about before. Then I will have to be put on a anti depressant because I will go into instant menopause. This is just too much shit for me to take in.

  I have put a hold on my job search for now. It is depressing that no one wants to even interview me. It was really getting to me. Plus, who knows what is going to happen after tomorrow. Biopsy results could be ugly. I dont want this. I dont want more surgery. I do not want to take a medication that will put me into menopause, make my hair fall out, and leave me being the most unsexiest thing on the planet. I do not want to have to limit foods so drastically so that I can live longer. It isn't fair. I have the most pitiful medical chart. So many illnesses. So many surgeries. So many allergies. Now, I will be in full blown menopause and I will have to lose weight while I am doing it and stay away from high carbs. That will be FUN.

  This is becoming a very sad rant post. I have held this information in for over a week. I only told two people because they are my cancer people. They have had breast cancer so I can fall back on them when I have questions. I dont want this. I dont want this. I dont want this.

I wasn't going to unload all this but when I came home from dropping her off, I got the gastro results in the mail. I am a little over the edge with all of this. I figured there are maybe 3 people and a couple bots that come on here to read my drivel. It is nothing great. Just my life diary that I have laid open for anyone to read and poke fun at if they so choose to. This is a safe place for me. I can say what I have to say and no one is going to comment...ever. I may have breast cancer. I may have another radial scar on the left that will have to be removed. What will the breast look like then? Does that raise my breast cancer risk %? Should I think about Mastectomy? Do I want to go that radical? I may have to with no choice. If that happens, do I want reconstruction or just leave it be and get a tattoo?
  Will I become an awful mean person with no hope while I am stripped of the last of my estrogen? Will my marriage survive it? If it doesn't, will I survive if that happens?  I might not want to.

Add all of this plus the daily struggles of having no money and trying to figure out how to pay for things. It is just too much for one person. Everyone says how strong I am. Sometimes I just wish I could not be. Why do I always have to so strong? When do I get permission to fall apart?

I will stop this said list of What Ifs. I may post tomorrow or the next day if I am up to it. If I do not, I will definitely post on Monday or Tuesday. Some way, I will let you all know what is going on.

Have a good week and pray for some warmer temperatures.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

It is a gonna be a two coffee pod kinda day

This is Julien. Kid #1 calls him Bashir. Shout out if you get reference 

*236* <-----eating things I shouldnt it. Make it STAHP!

  It is 932am est and I have been up since 530ish am. We are in the midst of another Nor`easter here on the shore. They are saying we could get a foot of snow when it is all said and done. The snow was impressive earlier but no so much now. Unless we get some more banding going on, I think the thought of epic snowfall is a bust. We shall see.

   Again, I have missed too many weeks in a row and for that I am sorry. My past couple weeks have been very stressful. It always seems like shit storms comes in threes. I will break some of these things down, some I will not because I have to keep a little air of mystery about me. I will try to add a positive at the end of each thing because that is how I am trying to live my life. Except I have no postives to say about my computer life. First the iPad died. I cannot afford to replace it. Now I found out that this HP Stream that I bought for myself is a $200 piece of garbage. Windows 10 is too large for the gigs on this things so it has already out of memory (bought in January). I cannot update it at all. I cannot upgrade the memory because of the kind of memory it has. And you guessed it, I cannot afford to replace it. I still have the Chrome book as a back up when I can no longer use this one. No positives for this declaration at all. And we do not get refunds so a computer will not happen then. Oh well. Maybe the Apple Fairy will gift me. Probably not.

Can I get a discount card on Cat Litter?

  First up, you have probably seen the pictures of Julien on the IG feed. He has been Kid #2 and my secret this past month. This lady came into the office with her cat and the litter. The office was going to adopt one of the litter when they were ready because one of the vet cats passed away. All the girls (3 left) are very much older and they wanted to bring up a youngin while the girls were still around. Kid #2 asked me to come in and see the kittens cause they were so tiny. Julien is the runt. He had to be mine. We received him two weeks ago during the last storm. We also found out this week he contracted round worms from his mother (the whole litter did) but he had his first de-worming and he will be fine. He is a little spit fire. He leaps. He runs like the wind. Last week he weigh 1.86 lbs. He is too small to be so fearless but he is. It took about a week but everyone has adapted. I am now OFFICIALLY a crazy cat lady. I had no plan at all to get another cat. We had three. Dont need another. But it happened and we are happy. He is very lovey to everyone. He is black but he still has a bit of his fever coat. That will go away as the months go by.

 I am the IV queen

 Last week I had the upper endoscopy. Nothing impressive. No ulcers. I still have gastritis, esophagitis, and he noted my hiatal hernia. Biopsies were taken. I have not heard anything back so that tells me that all is well with that. But, the hernia is probably the reason I am having trouble swallowing. It can get it the point where it pushes up a little higher in your chest and can make you have difficulties. I am supposed to take care of my Acid reflux but I cannot take PPIs because of the Cdiff.  I will just deal with what I have gut wise. If the hernia ever gets too bad, I will have the surgery. But as for now, no no no.
  Yesterday, I had my Mammo and my boob MRI with contrast. That all went well too. Of course they cannot tell me anything. I have an appointment with the boob surgeon next week. Lets hope I hear NOTHING before that appointment. I want no phone calls about the scans. All is well and they found nothing.

 When one door closes, Another one opens

We found out that hubby`s last cleaning job was given to some other company. Nothing do with him or his performance. Just company restructuring. That left us with alot of money a month out of our budget. I lost it. Completely lost it. I remember my friend (and mechanic) said he had someone that had a cleaning company. Long story short, we will be making approximately 2/3rds back. Still money missing but not catastrophic. We can work with that and hopefully there will be more to come.
The paid internship fell through. They could not work around the rules of paying me so that fell apart. I had decided that I would never get my hopes up for a job again. Now I have a chance at maybe another paid internship with our local cable company. That is actually the first job I applied for and had not done so well on the phone interview. Not bad. Just inexperienced at it. Now I know how to do all that. The company actually does participate in internships so we shall see. They need workers. I need a job! Wish my ass luck cause I am really tired of applying for stuff.

Girl, you need to stop

Because of a bunch of stressful stuff, I have not been eating right. Bread. Noodles. Rice. Potato. Junk. Pizza! You name it, it is going down. I have to really do it now. My doctor is gonna raise my insulin at my appt in May. Now it is the middle of March and I have not lost a significant amount. I have a plan. I am going to slowly slack off from now until Saturday. Saturday I will be taking my first Methotrexate shot..did I tell you about this? let me look....I guess I havent. The rhemy changed my methotrexate from a pill to a shot so it does not effect my gut like the pill did. I had to wait till this cold was all over before I can take the first shot. So, Saturday will be the first shot and the first day back on LCHF fully. All the junk in the house will be gone/ I will have set myself up with good for me snacks and I will be ready to go. I have to lose at least 10 more pounds by the beginning of May. I will do this. I need to do this! As i eat a slice of leftover pizza for breakfast/lunch.
Crap! 49 days until May 1, 2018!

Housework sucks

  Since I am *snowbound* today, I am going to get some cleaning done. I have to change the hose on the sump pump (it sprung a few leaks). I have to water all the plants. I will do the plants after I finish up on here. They are priority. I have a few that cannot wait for Spring so that I can repot them. When you have a boisterous kitten, you realize how dusty your house is. Pulling stuff out and vacuum underneath is going to happen in the livingroom today. Has to be done. I will polish all the furniture in the there and I will be good till next week. Okay. I ate one small slice of pizza. I think I am going to throw the other two away. Not gonna eat them. Going...going...gone. I tossed it in the trash and smushed it in the trash. Not that I would ever ever never eat that now but I felt it needed that extra Fuck you for being there so that I would eat it. is really time for me to do some stuff. I hope all is well with you. Stay out of the snow if you can help it. And I will be back next week.

Friday, February 23, 2018

Attack of the virus


  I was germed by someone and that is the reason no post this past Sunday. I am just feeling kind of okay today. I do not know if it was the a watered down version of the flu or a nasty cold but it sucked. The weekend was a blur of dayquil, cough drops, and pee pads. I say I do not know because I didnt have a fever but I was feverish. I had aches in my legs but it only lasted for a day. I was sick as a dog but I did not feel like I was dying. That is why it could have been a watered down version because I did have the flu shot this year. Even though that has been deemed to only be about 20% effective. I have a nagging leftover cough and my bladder needs time to recover but otherwise, I am gonna be okay. The laundry will get done.

Paid Internship

  I am thisclose to having a paid internship with a very large company in my area. I am not going to say what or where at this point. It will be 3 months to start off and can go to a max of 6 months. I will be able to use it as experience and filler on my resume. I need the administrative work to help show that I know stuffs. Just give me a chance! If they like me and vice versa AND they have a job to fill, I could be hired at some point. The wheels are rolling with this so it could be very soon. I also have another job that is very exciting and that is being reviewed. I have not had an interview for it yet but I will be positive. I had contact with the HR department already for that one. I am not putting all my hopes on it but it would be good if this one were to happen also. So I have balls in the air. Who would have ever thought when I started this blog that I would be close to going back in the working world? I wouldnt have. I try not to obsessively look at my email. It is like I am WILLING them to email me back with a time to come in for an interview. Come to me. Come to me. You want me to work for you!

No Boobs for You

  Because of this wretched ick that has befallen me, I had to cancel my boob MRI and Mammo. Plus I had to move my appointment with the boob surgeon so that it is after my scans. That will all happen in March now. I am also going to be able to get my upper endoscopy after all. The gastro is having someone else in her practice do it on a Monday so that Hubs can take me. My gut has felt better since I stopped taking the Methotrexate pills. I saw the Rheumy this week and he has switched me to injections instead. I will give myself a shot once a week. He says that it bypasses the gut so I wont have to worry about that being an issue. It was working so well for me too. Now all my patches have come back and brought friends with them. The pains I was feeling before are back also. I hope the shots do not give me any issues because I really want this to work.

Gotta Make Money, Honey

 I really really really need to get on the selling train. I have been so lazy about it. I have boxes of shit to put on Etsy and I have not even moved a muscle towards doing it. This past week has been a wash out because I have been sick, but that does not explain the past few months. I have literally have tons of shit to sell. I need the motivation. I know money is a motivation but that doesn't seem to be enough to force me to do it. I gotta DO it so these totes can stop staring at me. There are totes full of stuff right behind me. They are there because I have to photograph, post, and put them in a place for when they sell. I need to get boxes and bags and bubble wrap. Give me the motivation to get this started!! I know once I do it, I will continue to do it. I am one of those kind of people. You have to push me off the cliff and then I will fly. 
  I have a big dilemma. It has come time to pay for my garden beds at the community garden. I do not want to be there anymore. I do not like the way it is being run and last year all of our beds were taken over by ants that like to bite. We are not allowed to use chemicals and the people that run the place did not help us at all. I think that is why our peppers did not flourish at all like they have before. There is alot of weird stuff going on at the garden that I am not going to go into. Lets just say that the person running it is an asshole elitist and we will leave it like that. So my dilemma is there is a guy that is selling 4 foot, 100 gallon galvanized steel animal feeders for $50 a piece (or best offer) and I could get four of these and put them in the front yard. Fill them with compost and not have to do the community garden thing anymore. But even at $50 a piece...that is $200. I want to get four of them while he has them because of their small size and when am I going to get an opportunity like this again?
 But I am not supposed to be spending money. What would you do? Ugh! I told him I didn't get paid till the end of the month so we shall see what I do. I will either do it or not do it.

RIP iPad

 My iPad is dead. Okay, not completely dead but she is having issues with the screen. It started acting up a month ago. Yesterday it finally went. I could get the screen up long enough to email myself all the pictures I had saved on it. It is a iPad mini and I won it in a contest. I have had it for five years. It almost never left the house and I used it ever night when I went to bed. I miss it. The screen was big enough to watch videos but small enough that it was not cumbersome. It helped me so much when I was sick or healing. I will not replace it with a android one. NO. I went on the Apple website, I saw this one and I am in love but the price. After taxes, apple care, and is $527. I know I could buy it someplace else but I like the protection you get when you buy it at Apple. Plus I can get a free engraving on it. I was going to call it Heidi`s Toy. 
 It is okay. Maybe if I get one of these jobs, I can save up for it. That gives me a little hope that I will eventually have one again.

That is it for today. I have breakfast/lunch cooking and then I am going to dive into some laundry and recipes. I have been slowly pecking away at the mess in the kitchen. I was literally in bed for three straight days. So maybe it was the flu. I hope you all are not having the flu or a cold. Enjoy the last grasps of Winter. March is coming and I am dreaming of Spring.

Monday, February 12, 2018

Busy life always


    If you are reading this before Valentines Day 2018, get thee to the local Rite Aid (if you have one). They have a long white box of Russel Stover Chocolates (1lb 10oz) for only $9.99. That is like two chocolate hearts in one! We always have a box of chocolate for the family. I almost wasnt going to buy it this year but then my traditional heart won out. So I ate chocolate and I spent money. I think I have a major soft spot for V day because Kid #1`s birthday is right afterward. We will be celebrating her day on Friday this year because she has plans on her actual day. I really need to get off my ass and look up a vegan cheesecake recipe. (writing down to add to my list.

Health Schmealth
  I was just off the phone with the hospital. They were asking me the barrage of bodily questions for my boob MRI next Monday. Do you have metal in your body? No. Do you have a pace maker? No. Etc etc. This is my 6 month scan. I have to do blood work this week for it because they will be doing an IV contrast. Can you all do me a favor? Can you send out good vibes for me? I am going to be having an MRI and a Mammo done on the same day. Let`s hope the find NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. My boobs just disappeared. I stopped taking the Methotrexate. The stomach pain which I think was an impending ulceration has subsided. It is still there but much much less. I think if I continued to take it, I would have had to take medication to treat it. I had to cancel my upper endoscopy. Hubby does not have PTO like he used to and we cannot afford to have him lose a day of work. I do not have anyone else to drive me (they all have to work every day too) and the place where I was going to have it done is way too far away to take an Uber. Yes, money over health. I never had to do that before. But I can not have that hit to the budget.  I am feeling better. But now the psoriasis and the back pain are creeping back. I wonder if I will be able to take anything at all.  We shall see.

Good job vibes

  Last Friday, I went to an early morning meeting at the local Easter Seals. It was a Business Advisory Committee meeting. I was the only job seeker (the other person cancelled). It was a meeting of sorts that had nothing to do with me at first. It was made up of my job counselor , her boss, and three women who work in HR in different companies. I was given good advice about my resume. And I was given an opportunity. I was offered to work for a large company that has a local headquarters. It would be a paid internship. I would get paid through Bureau of Rehab and the company would teach me all that I need to know about admin work. They would get an extra set of hands that they would not have to pay for. It would be full time and the internship will last for 6 months. There is no guarantee of being hired unless there is an opening and they want you. But the work can go on my resume and I will learn shit. And I can say that I really know this shit. This is exciting. I should know more this week.
 Yesterday, I sat with my coffee and re-did my resume. The issue with mine was that it was a skills based resume. There were no dates. They all said that they do not pay attention to those types of resumes. I told them that it has been 15 years since I officially worked. I figured most places would look at that and hire someone younger. Oh, they all said NO in unison. They would rather hire someone older because of the stability and drama free. They all agreed that my past years of volunteering should go to the top of my resume, job experience after. That is what I did. I sent it off to my job person so she can tweek it. There were some Word stuff that I could not figure out even after I googled them. Like how do you make a half space? I did what Google told me to do and it cut the words in half instead. It will take me some time to figure that kind of shit out.

Rain Rain Go Away

   I should be thankful it is just rain and not snow. I am completely dressed to take a walk. Sneakers are on. I was ready to go. Then the rain started. It is a sprinkle but I do not want to chance it. All I need to do is go out in that and make myself susceptible to the effin Flu. Accuweather SAYS the sun is supposed to come out. So far, I see no sun. I see clouds, dreary, and rain drops on the patio. Kid #2 and I took at walk at the beach last week. It was good. My stomach didn't protest too much. This past week has been so busy that I havent had time to think of the aches and pains. I helped her declutter her room. She was feeling low and it showed in her housekeeping. A cleaner bedroom always helps to lift your spirits a little bit.  Then I bottled up our first successful batch of Kombucha. We were gifted with one baby each from the two mothers. I have to start a new batch today for fermenting. It will get to the point where I will have to start giving scobys (that is what you call the Mother) away. Either that or throw them away. Someone suggesting composting. <---more on that later.  Mondays are always kind of busy for me. Lately I could probably say that about every day. I always wish for a lazy day but that day never comes. I guess I probably had enough lazy being so sick for all those years that my head had decided I am making up for time. Granted, I am not a healthy person by any means. I know that. I am not trying to fool myself. But I am better then I used to be. I have gained more energy with my years. I am taking full advantage until it is snatched away from me later on in life.  So I have dishes soaking in the sink and it looks like the rain has stopped. I will take that walk after this and do some much needed housework. Always much needed when I  tend to be the only one that does it.

City Garbage Stinks

  Our mayor has decided that when grant money is waved in front of his nose, he needs to use it. He is proposing a pay per bag system for our city. 60 cents per kitchen sized bag and $1 per big ass bag. They think that people will recycle more because of this. Ummm. No. This is a city. Small but a city nonetheless. There will be trash dumped everywhere. We will have rats and stink as far as the eye can see. There are people in this city that cannot even be bothered to get their drivers license and insurance. What makes them think people will recycle if they never have? Or people who are living in utter poverty..They are not going to spend $20 for a box of garbage bags. And of course, our taxes are not going to go down at all. This is like double taxation if you ask me.
 I recycle like a Motherfucker. Most people have one of those square recycle boxes. I have four. The garbage guys gifted me that many cause they know that I am a recycle queen. But even with all that recycling, we still have a full garbage bin every week. If I had to pay $1 a bag...that could be $3 a week. Sometimes more during the holiday season. I do not want to spend that on garbage bags. I have always toyed with the idea of composting. Buying one of those things that you spin to compost. I never bought one because I never figured I would need it. Yeah. I think we need it. You see, this is not just a proposal. They have the grant money and they aim to spend it. So this is going to happen. They do not care what any of the residents think. They will not put it up for a vote. They will say it is so and there is nothing we can do about it. 
  I would want to get one of these small gallon compost bins for the counter in the kitchen. I have a friend that uses one.  Then I want one of the tumbler bins. You can spin it to mix the compost. Something like this or maybe this. But I will shop around. I know nothing of these things so I really have to do my research. I know that I could just make a pile in the yard for free but I do not want to deal with raccoons and pissing off the neighbors from the stink. This is a better solution for me. Maybe I will find one that someone is giving away on Craiglist.

 That is it for this week. The dog is bugging me to go out and I should really get that walk in while the dishes are soaking. I hope you have a great week and do not eat too much chocolate!! (I am saying that to myself!)

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Living that plant life


     Last week, I purchased foil dryer vent tubing to replace the old shit we had downstairs. Whilst I was working on getting that attached, I realized that when the new furnace was put in...there is no room for the dryer and washer to leave when they die! We are going to have to break through the wall behind it and reconfigure shit. Not that bad since all the stuff is right there just have to turn shit around. But still. Fuckers! Plus, I was not successful getting the hosing attached because I am too short for the vent window and I am a quitter. Hubs attached everything for me, thank goodness.
 I did not need all that was bought so I returned said things back to Home Depot. That is when I spied this little girl (i just watered her.) She is a grafted Ruby Ball cactus. I paid $4.95 for her. I have done very well with cacti and some succulents so this is a good plant to add to the menagerie.

I do not like my new Gastro

   I said I was not going to talk about health so this will be brief. I am dealing with some gut issues. I saw the gastro yesterday (I miss my old gastro mucho) and after some talk it was decided that she is going to do an upper endoscopy on me on the 16th. Yay! I get to wait with 11 more days of pain and wonder. To be perfectly honest, I think I need a colonoscopy. It is a colon issue most definitely but she is the one with the degree. That sounds snarky, yes? See. The gastro that retired (she took over his office), he had been around for all my gut issues so when I would show up sick and in pain..he listened and he did what had to be done. This feels like I may end up in the ER at some point because she chooses to use the soft approach to things. I am going to probably have to look for another stomach dr at some point. We shall see. She actually asked me if I was depressed. Yes bitch, I have depression but I am not going to tell you that because you will not treat me. You will tell me to see my therapist for *warning! gross* pencil thin stools. Google pencil thin stools with stomach pain, gas, bloating, and nausea. I am thinking it is probably a polyp that has gotten large and needs to be taken out. But we will do an upper endoscopy cause she wants to look at my stomach. <---this is all the reason why I did not post yesterday. Kinda livid after that appointment

 Okay, enough of that. Food is a better subject

  No new pressure cooker yet but I did some research and I will probably be getting an Instant Pot this time. My gifter was waiting to get the money back from Amazon before she ordered me a new one. I have been dying to cook in it. Dying. Like I have no idea what I am going to cook today. I have to cook on the stove or in the oven. I would rather throw shit in the pot and forget it. I will not talk about that or the recipes that I want to try until I get my new one.  As for cooking, I am planning on making some chocolate covered coconut bon bons for Valentines day. I am also going to look up how to make like chocolate truffles cause Kid #2 does not like coconut. This and This link of recipes look good. I will do some more searching to find the right one.  Kid #1s birthday is coming up soon and I have to plan for that too. She does not eat cheese and limited dairy. We were thinking I could make a vegan cheese cake. I really need to sit down and look through our raw cookbooks. We have a couple of Ani Phyo`s cookbooks. They are good to have on hand when you are in the mood for a nice fresh meal. We have Ani`s Raw Food Kitchen and Ani`s Raw Food Essentials. I might cook dinner for her birthday also but I need to discuss with her what she would like to have.  Money is not what it used to be plus we are in the thick of snow season. Best to have a nice in home back up plan just in case of blizzard.

Walking for yer health

  I admit that I have not walked for a week but I will give you my valid reasons. I wanted to but my body said no. First it was because of the methotrexate, I think. I was having some major nerve pain in my foot, leg, and hip all last week. Like the kind that feels like cattle prod shocks. I was thinking I busted a cervical because I was having shocks in my arms too. Then I noticed I had pins and needles in my face. I realized that it was the dang pill. My psoriasis is disappearing but I adopted some gnarly pain instead. I am not really noticing any of my joint or back pain getting better but I digress. The weird nerve pain has subsided so I think it is just a side effect of the pill.  I did not take the pill yesterday because of my gut issues. I was told to stop it whenever I am sick.  So between the shocks and my gut, walking is not on my immediate horizon. I will try again in a couple days. Even if I can get a mile in, that will be better then nothing at all. Right? Like right now, My head feels like she wants to take a walk. But my gut is like *Bitch, you know better*.  I am still losing weight so I am moving in the right direction.

Bits and bobs

The stone mason is outside fixing a crumbling step as I type. It cost $50 so far. I wonder how much he is going to come at me for the rest. It best not be more then $100 or I will lose my shit.
 I have a dress and a shirt to do some sewing too.
I have a job interview for a job I probably do not want on Thursday. I will probably just go for the interview for the experience. I have a couple jobs that I have applied for floating out there that I really want. I think this one was one that my job coach applied for me in the beginning of our search. It is part time. I am looking for 32 hours or more. Working for 10 hours a week is a waste of my time when I need money. If I already had a job and this was a nice little filler job, that is different. I am not feeling it at all but I will show up and interview because they will be interviewing a bunch of people that day. Good interviewing learning experience
The kitchen is a disaster. When is it not? So I have to pick my ass up, take my medicine, and start dealing with that shit.

 I am sorry this mostly a negative post but my gut is sick. I am not in a good place to spread positivity. I mean, the cactus is positive. You can just read that paragraph over and over. :)
 I hope you have a great week. I hope we do not get a buttload of snow (maybe a little tomorrow) and I hope that I can get out there and walk!

Ta Ta for Now!