Monday, May 29, 2017

Memorial Day 2017

*237...maybe and hot flashes suck!*

   I hope you are having a solemn and sunny Memorial Day today. It has been raining since pretty early this morning. I think cooking on the grill is a no today for us. Many of the local parades have been cancelled also.  I can cook inside the house but I was so looking forward to charred sausages. At least we wont have to hear any fireworks tonight from the neighbors. Crossing fingers.

   June 1st is the start of an experiment for us as a family. I am going to try to do a No Spend Month. We will pay bills, scripts, necessities, and groceries. We are going to eat out of the freezers and the cabinets also. There is alot of food in there that needs to see the light of day. I will shop for things like perishables but we will extremely limit what we buy at the grocery store this month. I bought my monthly order of low carb bread for Hubs and I. I was going to buy a couple other things but I deleted from the list. Bread is all we really need and bread is all we are going to get. I love the low carb bread by the way. OMG! You can find it on and it is called Great Low Carb Bread Company.   Yes, it is 7.99 a loaf. But the slices are thin and you keep the bread in the freezer to make it last. I bought one loaf of Everything bread. It lasted almost a month. And we were very conservative with it. I bought 3 loaves this time. They will probably last us about two months total. Really good if you are diabetic and want to eat bread again.
  Anyway. I am going to make a list in my notebook of all the necessities I buy for the month of June. If it is not something we need, I am not buying it. I have a packed pantry that needs to be organized so we can actually see what we have to use for meals. I bought two big bags of charcoal on sale so that will last us too. I want this house to be worked on and it will not happen if we are constantly buying take out. Enough!

  The kid and I planted peppers, tomatoes, and basil yesterday. It has been a slow start to the growing season but it will pick up as it gets warmer. She pulled some nice big radishes and they were super spicy the way I like it. We have many strawberries that are tiny and white. They will be a lovely treat in a couple weeks. I do have some strawberries in the fridge that I need to cut up and freeze. I always have something that has to be done. Ugh. Since it is raining, I will probably do burgers and sausages in the house. I have some curly fries for the girls. Hubs and I can have some baked cauliflower that I found online. I will use almond flour in place of the bread crumbs. I have not bought the low carb bread crumbs yet.

   I have been doing well without taking the steroid of my gut. If I stay away from dairy and wheat, my colon is a good girl. It doesnt get all upset by my food choices. I do have to give up alot but I would rather just eat right instead of taking a pill that will make me blow up like a balloon. I am doing good this past week. I still am dealing with the pain from my whiplash but if I ignore that shit, all is okay. I am surprised I am not dealing with fibro flare. The weather has been so iffy lately. We have not had steady warmth yet. It is coming. Just not today.

  I am procrasting while I post this. I have dishes waiting for me and I have a pile of clothes to put away. I put half away yesterday so the other half is screaming for recognition. I am putting away winter and pulling out summer. I am also tossing anything I did not wear. They will go in the donation bins. I have to make room for others that I might find for free or really cheap...just not in June. So yeah..i could really just take a nap at this point cause the weather calls for it.  I will do a weekly tally of what I spent of food, any times I said no and what it was for, and if I mess up..I will say so. I think I will finish the dishes and take a nap with the dogs.

Monday, May 15, 2017

Life can be a bowl of cherries

*2??* <---ignoring for now

  Hey there. How are you doing? I have been up to so much stuff lately that I completely forgot about last week. I am not going to look back at what I posted the last time. I am just gonna move on with my life and if I forgot to share something, you can always leave a comment..or not.

  Today was a good day. I had my 2nd appointment with Bureau of Rehabilitation Services. I was accepted to be in the program. They are going to help me find meaningful work. Real work. Like career shit. I will get help with a resume, interview coaching, looking for work in what I want and what I am able to do, coaching on the job, and all kinds of stuff. This is a major big deal for me. They are going to help advertise me to places so that I have a better chance of getting a good job. I have to do some assessment tests this week that I bring in next week and then do some more. This will not be super fast but it will move along at a good pace and they will stick with me until I am ready to fly. Very happy.

  If it rains one more day, I will officially become a mushroom farmer. We have had more rain than sun the past couple weeks. And it has been so cold here. Like I had to throw another quilt on the bed and close all the windows. Hopefully they are correct that it will be in the 70s mid week. My lettuce is not growing very fast because of the lack of sunshine.  It has to warm up before I plant the peppers and tomatoes too. They will have issues if I buy them now.  I do have all my annuals out now. They will have to sink or swim because I love to have those punches of color.  There are impatients in the hanging cones and a mixer of different annuals in the hangers in the yard. We had a bit of wind on MD and one of my new Pinwheels died. I brought them all in. Once they have dried out, I will woodglue them all so they are sturdy. That is what I had to do with the last batch I bought a couple years ago.

  Health wise, I am doing ok. The lump left over from the breast biopsy is still there. It doesnt hurt like it did but it unnerves me that it is still there. I figured it would have shrunk by now. I will tell the Dr if it is still there in June. I had to go back to the dentist this past week for a cracked filling. Thankfully it was one that had been filled recently so there was no charge for that. So instead I had them make molds for me to get dental guards for my grinding at night. The one that you get at the pharmacy is okay but it is not as good as the real deal ones that you have made for your mouth. I want to save my teeth from the damage that I am causing and this is one of the culprits.

 The other culprit has been my eating. Look. I have been talking so much as to how I have to get back to eating right because I gained 10 (really 13) lbs. This morning, I had a lightbulb moment. I started this way of eating because of what happened in the Doctors office last year on a particular day. He upped my night time and day time insulin. He told me that I was at a medical cross roads. I will gain weight with the increase of my insulin. Then he will have to increase it again because I gained weight. I do not want to die before I am 50 because I chose Lay`s potato chips over life.  But I have some adjustments that I had to make to this for my own well being. It will not be high fat. It will be moderate fat. Low carb, moderate fat, moderate protein.  I will not do cheat days but if once in awhile, something comes up that I want to eat, I will. Like tonight I will have strawberries with whipped cream.  With keto there would have been no strawberries allowed. So I am not doing keto. I am just doing low carb with the option to buy. Low insulin numbers! That is what we are striving for. No more ruining our good name in our diabetic meter because we wanted a candy bar! We can eat a Quest bar instead!

  What else? I had a really good Mother`s Day. Kid #1 acknowledged me. Kid #2 cleaned the house and helped Hubs cook dinner. I got Lush products and flowers. I did do some stuff but that is how I am but afterward I laid around and watched Simon and Martina on Youtube. They are funnier than all get out. But I warn you. Once you get sucked in, do not blame me for the wasted hours of funny food porn. Can you believe it though?? After all of those years of sucky MDs..I finally got a good one? Makes me extra happy about that.

Okay..I am going to go. I have to go pick up #2 at work and dinner will be done soon. I hope you have a wonderful week ahead with lots of sunshine and no ants!

Monday, May 1, 2017

Mercury in Retrograde Bitches

*230* <---Fuck You!

  May 1st! Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit to you all. Today marks the exact day last year that Hubs and I went full throttle with the new way of eating. I have been pecking at it the past couple weeks but today is full on. 25 grams or less of carbs a day. Post everything on MyFitnessPal to keep an eye on my numbers. I will struggle but I am dealing with Retrograde so it is what it is.

   Okay, I left because I had a shit ton of errands to do today. I started this at lunch time and now it is almost 6pm. Workman`s comp stuff, copying stuff, going to my lawyer`s office for stuff, getting a cold brew because I deserve it and supplies for the sick #2. She seems to have caught a Springtime head cold. Which sucks because she has an ultrasound to do on Wednesday. She isn't coughing so maybe she will be able to do it. She is also having 3 wisdom teeth taken out on Friday. Oy!  I have been busy with preparations.

    Retrograde has made me such a mess this time around. At least the tail end of it has. I have been not a very nice person and very emotional. Super duper not nice. Today has been better. It ends in 3 more days so it must be taking it`s clutches off of me. Mean. Weepy. Suspicious. Eating anything and everything. I blame that part also on the stupid steroids. I took the steroid for my colitis for a week. I ate an entire family sized bag of Lay`s and the next day a half a bag of Doritos. Those pills had to go. I am staying away from dairy except for the little bits of butter that I can tolerate. And I am staying away from all grains that have gluten. Those things (among others) gives me great issues. Like I may shit myself in public issues. I do not want that. Plus, I gained weight. I am not here on this Earth to go backward. I refuse! Only forward. And forward is smaller underwear sizes.

  Today I planted some impatients in the cone baskets on the porch. I was ready to dig in the dirt! I also have enough cactus dirt to repot all my special in house babies. I have to just get a time to do it. Some of them really need to be put in bigger pots with fresh digs. It has still been too cold to really get into gardening. Like really cold. Like not May at all. But I will enjoy it because it will get hot eventually and I will hate every moment of it. Especially now that I am dealing with old lady days.

  I am sorry that this is just not a good post. I am exhausted from all the running around and I still have to get dinner going. We are having chicken enchilada soup. I have to start some rice in the cooker for the girls. The man and I will eat it without any carbs in it.  Again, I left you to fold some laundry and water my jade and aloe plants. This Monday was not a good one for posting but I havent posted in a bit so I am throwing this bone out there.

  I am here. I am eating low carb high fat. I am going to stick with it because today is the anniversary day of last year and it has symbolism to me. I wont wreck that. I intend to lose the 10ish lbs I have gained and try to lose another 40 over the next few months. That would be a nifty thing to happen. I am going to make it so.

Have a great week and I will be back around next Sunday.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

The Tax Man Cometh

*22?* I really have no idea

  No Boob Cancer!

  I was so preoccupied with life that I plum forgot to post what I found out. I am forever sorry for that. I have a lesion. No cancer. Basically aging boobs. I had a friend PM me on Facebook to talk to me about it. She has had extensive reconstructive surgery from cancer surgeries on the breasts. I have a HUGE hematoma but I was told it will go away on it`s own. Not to worry about it and I will not. All is good. Phew!

   Monday I went to the Bureau of Rehabilitation. It has been a few months of waiting for this appointment. They are going to help me get back to work or try to get back to work. They can actually hunt down jobs for me. I decided that I want to try part time first and gradually see if I can add hours if a particular job allows. I want to work in an office with the ability to move around from seated to standing positions. I will be able to get job training, resume help, interview skills, and head hunters looking for jobs for me. I am actually a bit excited about it. It has been a long time since I worked but I think I am ready to try.

  Today I will do our taxes. I hate it. It is not super hard. I had no issues last year. It is just we do not get a refund so there is no fun in it. Do the taxes. Pay the bill. It is done. So I always wait to the last minute. This is where I wholeheartedly say I procrastinate. Since Kid #2 is working, this will be the last tax season we can claim her. At least I think it is. I know there is an income cut off where I cannot claim her anymore. I figured I would do it this time and then next year let her be her own adult person.

   I had to leave and run errands and take the Kid #2 to the dentist. It is like 5 hours later so I am here to finish this up. I learned something on my travels. I found out that I cannot ever take statins for my cholesterol issues. My issues are genetic, not food based. I have allergic reactions to two statins so that basically means I cannot take any of them anymore. My Endo is putting me on Zetia but that is a supplement to add to statins It is not going to help me. So I asked the pharmacist what to do. He said becoming plant based. You eat vegan and your cholesterol numbers fall right into line. How sad does that sound for me? Plant based (no meat, fish, eggs, or dairy), no grains or wheat, no rice, and no higher carbohydrate foods. I am smart. I know I could eat fake meats to supplement my meals. Most are soy based which is not the greatest. I could eat beans which are higher carb but I have to eat something. I am going to give it time. I bought some Morning Star fake meat crumbles. Tonight is taco salad night. I am going to use that as my meat. I am not going to use cheese or sour cream either. Stripped down taco salad with fake meat and no corn chips. Yup. Is it gonna come down to me eating flavored cardboard for meals? Seriously!

  I was supposed to do our taxes today. That aint gonna happen. I got home at 5pm and dinner has to get started. I will do it tomorrow. I promise. I swear! I have a bath bomb that is calling my name too. I want to soak my sore muscles and shit.

Okay...let me get off this thing. Let me cook my plant based meat and see how it tastes. You all have a wonderful Passover and Easter. If I do not post on Sunday, I will see you on Monday. Have a good night!

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

April Showers Bring on Rheumatism

*230* <---fat ass

  I woke up to rain hitting the roof above my head. It is a soppy April rain out there this morning. Supposed to be like this all day. I had no idea. I have been so preoccupied with life shit that I have not even paid attention to the little things, like the weather.  I am surprised I dont feel very bad. Usually rain makes me feel like garbage in the head. Days like this make many of us FEEL the weather. We will see how the day goes and how much I get done.

   I am sorry this has been delayed by a day or two. I had some stuff transpire and my mind has been elsewhere. The thyroid is fine. There is no cancer. I do have a 3cm nodule that you can feel cause it is right on the front of the left side of the thyroid. I also have a larger one in the very center, called the isthmus. I went to see my endo yesterday. I had blood work done and most definitely thyroid was in those tests. For right now, we are going to leave the nodules alone. He is definitely sure that they are not the reason I am having difficulty swallowing. If the swallowing becomes a major issue for me (it isnt just yet), I will make appointment for my ENT office. This is what I have to say about the biopsy of the thyroid..If you have to have one done, do not be afraid. They numb you enough that you do not have any pain. You WILL feel the pressure of the needle touching your thyroid. It is unnerving but it is not really painful. Maybe a tiny bit. But not gonna kill you and it is quick quick. If I have to have it done again, I wont be a chicken shit.

  As for what happened yesterday, that was a whole different scenario. Let me refill my coffee cup. Okay, let me back track a bit. I went in Thursday for my second mammo. It was done on the left breast only. Then I had an ultrasound on the same breast. They found something called a architectural distortion.  They basically said that it could be cancer or something called a radial scar. They cannot tell what it is because it is not palpable like a cyst or a lump. So they had to do a biopsy of it. Yesterday I think if I could have shit myself without embarrassment, I would have. I was having a Stereotactic Core Biopsy. That even sounds scary to me. They sat me in a chair, pushed me up to the mammo machine, pressed my boob in there to position where they could see the distortion, numbed the skin, numbed deeper in the boob, and then the mammo has a hollow needle that is attached that goes down into your.... Okay. You get the idea. Anyway. Because I am a freak of nature, I could feel the biopsy. They figured it was because my breast was so dense. There was no mistaking my facial expression. I could feel it and it hurt. The doctor just did what he had to do in a hurry. I just trooped it out because where the hell was I gonna go. They had me by the boob.

  Right after that, I went for my 3 month check up at the endo. He said I do not have to wait until Thursday. That would be cruel. He told me to call his assistant in the morning and she will call pathology to get the results. I am really afraid of the results. Radial scars are rare unless you have had previous biopsy or breast surgery. I have had neither. Even if it is a radial scar, that has to come out. They can be a precursor to breast cancer. And now I will have to have mammos every 6 months instead of every year. Fuck me!  My joke always was *if it isnt killing me, I am okay* Cancer is a whole other ball game. Plus with diabetes. That is no joke. I am sorry to sound morbid but it could be my ticket out of Dodge. Let`s just be as positive as we can. None of you will probably see this before I get the call back, but if you see it today...give me some warm positive thoughts. Let`s hope for the best outcome.

  Okay..I gotta be positive. Right? Did you all see my Beemo in the Instagram feed on the left?? Isnt she the cutest? She is a 2011 x5. She has leatha seats. She has all the bells and whistles. She is GOR--G-OUS! She rides like a dream. There is no owners manual so I have been watching YouTube videos so that I know what all the gadgets do. I should get the title in 2 weeks. I will mail out the Jeepo`s title today so that the insurance company can cut the check. I am happy to not have to drive the 16 year old Nissan around. She is a good around the town car but she does not deserve to be used for day to day use. We still have the rental. We will have it until they send us the check for the Jeepo. Since we already bought a car, we will not have it for an extra week for buying a car..since we already did that.

Kid #2 and I went to the garden on Sunday. We cleaned out the beds. There was not much weeds which was really good. We have to top them all off with compost but that can happen this weekend. We purchased some lettuce seeds and I had some radish seeds already. I am glad we did not plant them on Sunday because they would be gone now with all this rain. We have planned to dedicate one bed to just peppers. We want an abundance of cayenne peppers so that we can make some more roasted red pepper flakes in the Fall. We all loved the jar of homegrown so much. We used it all. Our plan is to grow enough to fill at least three canning jars full. That should last us through the Winter and into the next growing season. We also cleaned out the strawberry patch. There is room in the middle for something. I was thinking one cantelope or one watermelon plant but I dont know. One solitary something that can use that space to its advantage. I have to think about it.

  My fat ass has been eating crap. I gained as you can see. Fuckers. I wont hit the 240 mark. I will NOT! I REFUSE! I need to just hope to get in a better mindset. After I find out if I have breast cancer or not.

You all have a wonderful week.  I am going to take my meds, drink my coffee, eat some eggs, and clean my room.


Thursday, March 23, 2017

Life can be shit

 *225 at gastro, 230 at the hospital*

  The massively large blizzard with two feet of snow will not happen for us on the shoreline. We had some snow early this morning but it quickly changed over to ice and rain. That is gonna be fun to clean up. We will have to go out in it while it is still relatively warm so it doesnt completely freeze. Ugh

 I started this blog post before the blizzard. Stuff got in the way and I never got to it to finish it. Oh well. Then life shit all over us. Let me get a coffee while you watch Jenna put rhinestones on her face.....Okay, I am back. Instead of another cup of coffee, I made myself a horking big salad. That is how I roll at 10am. I went to get the cream and forgot I bought a rotisserie chicken breast the other day. Salad it is! I have been eating alot of crap lately and not following the way I have to be eating. I have not fallen completely off the rails but... cookies and crap have happened. I have to just do this one day at a time and fight the urges to eat garbage. It is my addiction to sugar and wheat that I am fighting. So this morning I will start off with a mixed green salad with half avocado, cut up chicken, a couple cherry tomatoes, a tablespoon of blue cheese, and some dressing. Good start to the day. At noon, I have an appointment to get a massage. A well deserved one after the last week I have had.

This is my poor Jeepo. She is totaled. She is no more. Last Friday, a guy veered in front of me as I was going straight and we had a head on collision. Kid #2 was my passenger. We are sore from the accident but no broken bones thankfully. We have a rental until the total loss paperwork goes through. That could be about 2 weeks. Our mechanic has gotten his license to sell cars. He has been going to the auctions to get for him to sell. He is going to get us a new to us SUV and only charges us a small finders fee. He will be able to check the vehicle to make sure it is not a piece of shit. We are hoping for another Jeep but we have a few specifics that we asked for. He goes every Wednesday, we gave him money for the auction, and he will text us when he sees something. If we do not get anything next week, we can get something the following week. I dont want to wait for the check for the total. Let`s just get something so I do not have to drive the Nissan aka clown car around. She is a good old car but she is rickety and 16 years old. I do not want to kill her. That is why I am glad we have the rental.

  And the other shoe is health wise. So I went to have a mammogram and have my Thyroid biopsied. Insurance is going away so might as well get these things done. Next day I get the call. I have to redo my mammogram which is not a big deal to me at that point. The girls are dense and I always have to have a redo. But I stupidly went on MyChart to check my appointment times. My boobs have two appointments. One for a mammo redo. One for my left breast only for an ultrasound. That does not make me happy at all. The second part of the phone call was about my thyroid. It seems that the nodule (or more) have grown to the point that I need a biopsy. That is next Monday. I am scared shitless of needles in my throat. Shitless! I have finally figured out a few things though. The swallowing issue I have been having that is not my esophagus is most likely my thyroid. And my itching is most likely my thyroid. I worry that they will want to remove it. I am not worried about cancer with the thyroid because that is a very remote possibility and if it is, it is one of the easiest cancers to survive.  So yeah. Life is shit right now.

And it is fucking cold! It is Spring and it is freezing.

I gotta go. I took too long to write this and I still have to take a shower before my massage. I will report back on Monday after the biopsy unless I have died of fright.


Sunday, March 12, 2017

March Bleezard 2017

Picture courtesy of Southern Connecticut Weather on FB

*22-something* <---I have been eating better but I haven't weighed so I have no idea

    Fucking Blizzard! Are you kidding me? I am not in the mood for 18 inches of anything right now. Because of there we are on the map, we will get dumped on. Like 20 inches locally they are saying. Not in the Mood, I tell ya. We did find some rock salt at the last place we called. We have a bucket on the porch that is always full. It is down to the dregs and that would have not been enough to satisfy me for this storm. We have food and flash lights and kerosene just in case. I am going to go to the store super early so that I can pick up foods for cooking. We are going to do a roasted butternut squash soup. Part in the oven, the other half in the crockpot. We will roast a big chicken with potatoes and carrots. Also mashed cauliflower. I will pick up some raw veggies and dip and we need a couple boxes of tea for when it is blowing cold and we want to sip while we look out the window.

   Of course the new furnace is acting up just before a storm. We have four zones. The zone to the first floor is not clicking on. We do have the basement zone though so the heat can rise up to warm us up. It just sucks. I texted the furnace dude to see if he can come around tomorrow before the storm, if he is available. It is much warmer up here now. i went down there, turned up the heat, pulled stuff away from the registers, and did some laundry while I waited. I came upstairs after about 15 minutes and it is not as cold as it was. I was wondering why it was so fucking cold when the heat was on, the furnace was kicking on, and we have oil. It seems we have more trouble with the new furnace then we do when we had the 30 yr old one. Isnt that always the way?

 Our new fridge came on Friday. We did have some snow earlier in the day but it never stuck to the pavement so the drivers were able to bring her. She is a Frigidaire Gallery Stainless Steel baby. We went with a local appliance place so we did not pay as much as Home Depot was charging. She is beautiful and she purrs like a kitten, sort of.  They took away the old one and I am happy. The old one did us justice but she was freezing stuff in the fridge. I had tried to fix that by unplugging the fridge to see if a line had frozen. It would work for a little while but then it would freeze up again. It was time. We have the money to buy it so I just pulled the plug. Surprisingly, the floor underneath was not that horrid. Lots of bottle caps from the cat but it didn't make me want to run screaming from the room.

  My stretches and not using more then one pillow has helped alot with my arm falling asleep and hurting. I am not saying it is 100% cause that would just jinx it but it feels damn close. Getting rid of the high pillow for a flatter one has helped the Hubs too. If you suffer from neck pain, think about going to just one flat pillow. You will be surprised at how you feel. I also have to say that I am liking the new electric toothbrush. It is making my teeth nice and sparkly. I have to also keep my blood sugars down more. I am eating less crap but I have not cut out completely. It is like I lose my mind when I am hungry. I really need to just eat more fat. Eat more fat. Eat more fat! EAT MORE FAT! Ugh. I think the stresses of life are part of the reason I cannot fully commit to LCHF at this time. But I have to do it. I have to. I dont want to lose my teeth. I do not want to lose my eyesight. I just have to be stronger. It sounds insane and unhealthy to some but I have to really analyze every mouthful for awhile. If I do not eat enough fat, I will fall off the wagon. I will hard boil some eggs and fat bombs tomorrow.

  Otherwise my health is good. I feel okay. I am moving along in my life. I have been walking more. I can do a mile in 25 minutes. As it gets warmer, we will want to add on and do two miles. I will map it out online. If you have not seen it before, I have used Walk Jog Run for that. You can map out walks in your town and know how far it is. They even do stuff like the grade of the walk as to how many calories you are burning. It is pretty cool. The mile was easy. Two miles will be a little harder. We shall see how far we can get by the Fall. I want to go slow so I dont kill my feet. I need to buy some inserts for my sneakers too. Just to be on the safe side. I am really trying to get myself into better shape so that I can live a bit longer on this Earth. Plus I get to spend time with the kid and she gets healthy too.

  That is about it. I have no gardening stuff to talk about because of the snow. I am doing more decluttering but nothing amazing. A book here or there. A knic knac or two. They all go to donations and hopefully happy homes. I am done with the clutter. I dont want my family to have to figure out how to get rid of all my shit. So I will do it for them. It is my gift to them. Hopefully I will have more garden and plant talk next Sunday or Monday.  Have a great week and if you are gonna have some snow, I hope you are safe!