Monday, May 29, 2017

Memorial Day 2017

*237...maybe and hot flashes suck!*

   I hope you are having a solemn and sunny Memorial Day today. It has been raining since pretty early this morning. I think cooking on the grill is a no today for us. Many of the local parades have been cancelled also.  I can cook inside the house but I was so looking forward to charred sausages. At least we wont have to hear any fireworks tonight from the neighbors. Crossing fingers.

   June 1st is the start of an experiment for us as a family. I am going to try to do a No Spend Month. We will pay bills, scripts, necessities, and groceries. We are going to eat out of the freezers and the cabinets also. There is alot of food in there that needs to see the light of day. I will shop for things like perishables but we will extremely limit what we buy at the grocery store this month. I bought my monthly order of low carb bread for Hubs and I. I was going to buy a couple other things but I deleted from the list. Bread is all we really need and bread is all we are going to get. I love the low carb bread by the way. OMG! You can find it on Netrition.com and it is called Great Low Carb Bread Company.   Yes, it is 7.99 a loaf. But the slices are thin and you keep the bread in the freezer to make it last. I bought one loaf of Everything bread. It lasted almost a month. And we were very conservative with it. I bought 3 loaves this time. They will probably last us about two months total. Really good if you are diabetic and want to eat bread again.
  Anyway. I am going to make a list in my notebook of all the necessities I buy for the month of June. If it is not something we need, I am not buying it. I have a packed pantry that needs to be organized so we can actually see what we have to use for meals. I bought two big bags of charcoal on sale so that will last us too. I want this house to be worked on and it will not happen if we are constantly buying take out. Enough!

  The kid and I planted peppers, tomatoes, and basil yesterday. It has been a slow start to the growing season but it will pick up as it gets warmer. She pulled some nice big radishes and they were super spicy the way I like it. We have many strawberries that are tiny and white. They will be a lovely treat in a couple weeks. I do have some strawberries in the fridge that I need to cut up and freeze. I always have something that has to be done. Ugh. Since it is raining, I will probably do burgers and sausages in the house. I have some curly fries for the girls. Hubs and I can have some baked cauliflower that I found online. I will use almond flour in place of the bread crumbs. I have not bought the low carb bread crumbs yet.

   I have been doing well without taking the steroid of my gut. If I stay away from dairy and wheat, my colon is a good girl. It doesnt get all upset by my food choices. I do have to give up alot but I would rather just eat right instead of taking a pill that will make me blow up like a balloon. I am doing good this past week. I still am dealing with the pain from my whiplash but if I ignore that shit, all is okay. I am surprised I am not dealing with fibro flare. The weather has been so iffy lately. We have not had steady warmth yet. It is coming. Just not today.

  I am procrasting while I post this. I have dishes waiting for me and I have a pile of clothes to put away. I put half away yesterday so the other half is screaming for recognition. I am putting away winter and pulling out summer. I am also tossing anything I did not wear. They will go in the donation bins. I have to make room for others that I might find for free or really cheap...just not in June. So yeah..i could really just take a nap at this point cause the weather calls for it.  I will do a weekly tally of what I spent of food, any times I said no and what it was for, and if I mess up..I will say so. I think I will finish the dishes and take a nap with the dogs.
Yeah.
Take
A
Nap
!





Monday, May 15, 2017

Life can be a bowl of cherries


*2??* <---ignoring for now

  Hey there. How are you doing? I have been up to so much stuff lately that I completely forgot about last week. I am not going to look back at what I posted the last time. I am just gonna move on with my life and if I forgot to share something, you can always leave a comment..or not.

  Today was a good day. I had my 2nd appointment with Bureau of Rehabilitation Services. I was accepted to be in the program. They are going to help me find meaningful work. Real work. Like career shit. I will get help with a resume, interview coaching, looking for work in what I want and what I am able to do, coaching on the job, and all kinds of stuff. This is a major big deal for me. They are going to help advertise me to places so that I have a better chance of getting a good job. I have to do some assessment tests this week that I bring in next week and then do some more. This will not be super fast but it will move along at a good pace and they will stick with me until I am ready to fly. Very happy.

  If it rains one more day, I will officially become a mushroom farmer. We have had more rain than sun the past couple weeks. And it has been so cold here. Like I had to throw another quilt on the bed and close all the windows. Hopefully they are correct that it will be in the 70s mid week. My lettuce is not growing very fast because of the lack of sunshine.  It has to warm up before I plant the peppers and tomatoes too. They will have issues if I buy them now.  I do have all my annuals out now. They will have to sink or swim because I love to have those punches of color.  There are impatients in the hanging cones and a mixer of different annuals in the hangers in the yard. We had a bit of wind on MD and one of my new Pinwheels died. I brought them all in. Once they have dried out, I will woodglue them all so they are sturdy. That is what I had to do with the last batch I bought a couple years ago.

  Health wise, I am doing ok. The lump left over from the breast biopsy is still there. It doesnt hurt like it did but it unnerves me that it is still there. I figured it would have shrunk by now. I will tell the Dr if it is still there in June. I had to go back to the dentist this past week for a cracked filling. Thankfully it was one that had been filled recently so there was no charge for that. So instead I had them make molds for me to get dental guards for my grinding at night. The one that you get at the pharmacy is okay but it is not as good as the real deal ones that you have made for your mouth. I want to save my teeth from the damage that I am causing and this is one of the culprits.

 The other culprit has been my eating. Look. I have been talking so much as to how I have to get back to eating right because I gained 10 (really 13) lbs. This morning, I had a lightbulb moment. I started this way of eating because of what happened in the Doctors office last year on a particular day. He upped my night time and day time insulin. He told me that I was at a medical cross roads. I will gain weight with the increase of my insulin. Then he will have to increase it again because I gained weight. I do not want to die before I am 50 because I chose Lay`s potato chips over life.  But I have some adjustments that I had to make to this for my own well being. It will not be high fat. It will be moderate fat. Low carb, moderate fat, moderate protein.  I will not do cheat days but if once in awhile, something comes up that I want to eat, I will. Like tonight I will have strawberries with whipped cream.  With keto there would have been no strawberries allowed. So I am not doing keto. I am just doing low carb with the option to buy. Low insulin numbers! That is what we are striving for. No more ruining our good name in our diabetic meter because we wanted a candy bar! We can eat a Quest bar instead!

  What else? I had a really good Mother`s Day. Kid #1 acknowledged me. Kid #2 cleaned the house and helped Hubs cook dinner. I got Lush products and flowers. I did do some stuff but that is how I am but afterward I laid around and watched Simon and Martina on Youtube. They are funnier than all get out. But I warn you. Once you get sucked in, do not blame me for the wasted hours of funny food porn. Can you believe it though?? After all of those years of sucky MDs..I finally got a good one? Makes me extra happy about that.

Okay..I am going to go. I have to go pick up #2 at work and dinner will be done soon. I hope you have a wonderful week ahead with lots of sunshine and no ants!



Monday, May 1, 2017

Mercury in Retrograde Bitches

*230* <---Fuck You!

  May 1st! Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit to you all. Today marks the exact day last year that Hubs and I went full throttle with the new way of eating. I have been pecking at it the past couple weeks but today is full on. 25 grams or less of carbs a day. Post everything on MyFitnessPal to keep an eye on my numbers. I will struggle but I am dealing with Retrograde so it is what it is.

   Okay, I left because I had a shit ton of errands to do today. I started this at lunch time and now it is almost 6pm. Workman`s comp stuff, copying stuff, going to my lawyer`s office for stuff, getting a cold brew because I deserve it and supplies for the sick #2. She seems to have caught a Springtime head cold. Which sucks because she has an ultrasound to do on Wednesday. She isn't coughing so maybe she will be able to do it. She is also having 3 wisdom teeth taken out on Friday. Oy!  I have been busy with preparations.

    Retrograde has made me such a mess this time around. At least the tail end of it has. I have been not a very nice person and very emotional. Super duper not nice. Today has been better. It ends in 3 more days so it must be taking it`s clutches off of me. Mean. Weepy. Suspicious. Eating anything and everything. I blame that part also on the stupid steroids. I took the steroid for my colitis for a week. I ate an entire family sized bag of Lay`s and the next day a half a bag of Doritos. Those pills had to go. I am staying away from dairy except for the little bits of butter that I can tolerate. And I am staying away from all grains that have gluten. Those things (among others) gives me great issues. Like I may shit myself in public issues. I do not want that. Plus, I gained weight. I am not here on this Earth to go backward. I refuse! Only forward. And forward is smaller underwear sizes.

  Today I planted some impatients in the cone baskets on the porch. I was ready to dig in the dirt! I also have enough cactus dirt to repot all my special in house babies. I have to just get a time to do it. Some of them really need to be put in bigger pots with fresh digs. It has still been too cold to really get into gardening. Like really cold. Like not May at all. But I will enjoy it because it will get hot eventually and I will hate every moment of it. Especially now that I am dealing with old lady days.

  I am sorry that this is just not a good post. I am exhausted from all the running around and I still have to get dinner going. We are having chicken enchilada soup. I have to start some rice in the cooker for the girls. The man and I will eat it without any carbs in it.  Again, I left you to fold some laundry and water my jade and aloe plants. This Monday was not a good one for posting but I havent posted in a bit so I am throwing this bone out there.

  I am here. I am eating low carb high fat. I am going to stick with it because today is the anniversary day of last year and it has symbolism to me. I wont wreck that. I intend to lose the 10ish lbs I have gained and try to lose another 40 over the next few months. That would be a nifty thing to happen. I am going to make it so.

Have a great week and I will be back around next Sunday.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

The Tax Man Cometh


*22?* I really have no idea

  No Boob Cancer!

  I was so preoccupied with life that I plum forgot to post what I found out. I am forever sorry for that. I have a lesion. No cancer. Basically aging boobs. I had a friend PM me on Facebook to talk to me about it. She has had extensive reconstructive surgery from cancer surgeries on the breasts. I have a HUGE hematoma but I was told it will go away on it`s own. Not to worry about it and I will not. All is good. Phew!

   Monday I went to the Bureau of Rehabilitation. It has been a few months of waiting for this appointment. They are going to help me get back to work or try to get back to work. They can actually hunt down jobs for me. I decided that I want to try part time first and gradually see if I can add hours if a particular job allows. I want to work in an office with the ability to move around from seated to standing positions. I will be able to get job training, resume help, interview skills, and head hunters looking for jobs for me. I am actually a bit excited about it. It has been a long time since I worked but I think I am ready to try.

  Today I will do our taxes. I hate it. It is not super hard. I had no issues last year. It is just we do not get a refund so there is no fun in it. Do the taxes. Pay the bill. It is done. So I always wait to the last minute. This is where I wholeheartedly say I procrastinate. Since Kid #2 is working, this will be the last tax season we can claim her. At least I think it is. I know there is an income cut off where I cannot claim her anymore. I figured I would do it this time and then next year let her be her own adult person.

   I had to leave and run errands and take the Kid #2 to the dentist. It is like 5 hours later so I am here to finish this up. I learned something on my travels. I found out that I cannot ever take statins for my cholesterol issues. My issues are genetic, not food based. I have allergic reactions to two statins so that basically means I cannot take any of them anymore. My Endo is putting me on Zetia but that is a supplement to add to statins It is not going to help me. So I asked the pharmacist what to do. He said becoming plant based. You eat vegan and your cholesterol numbers fall right into line. How sad does that sound for me? Plant based (no meat, fish, eggs, or dairy), no grains or wheat, no rice, and no higher carbohydrate foods. I am smart. I know I could eat fake meats to supplement my meals. Most are soy based which is not the greatest. I could eat beans which are higher carb but I have to eat something. I am going to give it time. I bought some Morning Star fake meat crumbles. Tonight is taco salad night. I am going to use that as my meat. I am not going to use cheese or sour cream either. Stripped down taco salad with fake meat and no corn chips. Yup. Is it gonna come down to me eating flavored cardboard for meals? Seriously!

  I was supposed to do our taxes today. That aint gonna happen. I got home at 5pm and dinner has to get started. I will do it tomorrow. I promise. I swear! I have a bath bomb that is calling my name too. I want to soak my sore muscles and shit.

Okay...let me get off this thing. Let me cook my plant based meat and see how it tastes. You all have a wonderful Passover and Easter. If I do not post on Sunday, I will see you on Monday. Have a good night!

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

April Showers Bring on Rheumatism

*230* <---fat ass

  I woke up to rain hitting the roof above my head. It is a soppy April rain out there this morning. Supposed to be like this all day. I had no idea. I have been so preoccupied with life shit that I have not even paid attention to the little things, like the weather.  I am surprised I dont feel very bad. Usually rain makes me feel like garbage in the head. Days like this make many of us FEEL the weather. We will see how the day goes and how much I get done.

   I am sorry this has been delayed by a day or two. I had some stuff transpire and my mind has been elsewhere. The thyroid is fine. There is no cancer. I do have a 3cm nodule that you can feel cause it is right on the front of the left side of the thyroid. I also have a larger one in the very center, called the isthmus. I went to see my endo yesterday. I had blood work done and most definitely thyroid was in those tests. For right now, we are going to leave the nodules alone. He is definitely sure that they are not the reason I am having difficulty swallowing. If the swallowing becomes a major issue for me (it isnt just yet), I will make appointment for my ENT office. This is what I have to say about the biopsy of the thyroid..If you have to have one done, do not be afraid. They numb you enough that you do not have any pain. You WILL feel the pressure of the needle touching your thyroid. It is unnerving but it is not really painful. Maybe a tiny bit. But not gonna kill you and it is quick quick. If I have to have it done again, I wont be a chicken shit.

  As for what happened yesterday, that was a whole different scenario. Let me refill my coffee cup. Okay, let me back track a bit. I went in Thursday for my second mammo. It was done on the left breast only. Then I had an ultrasound on the same breast. They found something called a architectural distortion.  They basically said that it could be cancer or something called a radial scar. They cannot tell what it is because it is not palpable like a cyst or a lump. So they had to do a biopsy of it. Yesterday I think if I could have shit myself without embarrassment, I would have. I was having a Stereotactic Core Biopsy. That even sounds scary to me. They sat me in a chair, pushed me up to the mammo machine, pressed my boob in there to position where they could see the distortion, numbed the skin, numbed deeper in the boob, and then the mammo has a hollow needle that is attached that goes down into your.... Okay. You get the idea. Anyway. Because I am a freak of nature, I could feel the biopsy. They figured it was because my breast was so dense. There was no mistaking my facial expression. I could feel it and it hurt. The doctor just did what he had to do in a hurry. I just trooped it out because where the hell was I gonna go. They had me by the boob.

  Right after that, I went for my 3 month check up at the endo. He said I do not have to wait until Thursday. That would be cruel. He told me to call his assistant in the morning and she will call pathology to get the results. I am really afraid of the results. Radial scars are rare unless you have had previous biopsy or breast surgery. I have had neither. Even if it is a radial scar, that has to come out. They can be a precursor to breast cancer. And now I will have to have mammos every 6 months instead of every year. Fuck me!  My joke always was *if it isnt killing me, I am okay* Cancer is a whole other ball game. Plus with diabetes. That is no joke. I am sorry to sound morbid but it could be my ticket out of Dodge. Let`s just be as positive as we can. None of you will probably see this before I get the call back, but if you see it today...give me some warm positive thoughts. Let`s hope for the best outcome.

  Okay..I gotta be positive. Right? Did you all see my Beemo in the Instagram feed on the left?? Isnt she the cutest? She is a 2011 x5. She has leatha seats. She has all the bells and whistles. She is GOR--G-OUS! She rides like a dream. There is no owners manual so I have been watching YouTube videos so that I know what all the gadgets do. I should get the title in 2 weeks. I will mail out the Jeepo`s title today so that the insurance company can cut the check. I am happy to not have to drive the 16 year old Nissan around. She is a good around the town car but she does not deserve to be used for day to day use. We still have the rental. We will have it until they send us the check for the Jeepo. Since we already bought a car, we will not have it for an extra week for buying a car..since we already did that.

Kid #2 and I went to the garden on Sunday. We cleaned out the beds. There was not much weeds which was really good. We have to top them all off with compost but that can happen this weekend. We purchased some lettuce seeds and I had some radish seeds already. I am glad we did not plant them on Sunday because they would be gone now with all this rain. We have planned to dedicate one bed to just peppers. We want an abundance of cayenne peppers so that we can make some more roasted red pepper flakes in the Fall. We all loved the jar of homegrown so much. We used it all. Our plan is to grow enough to fill at least three canning jars full. That should last us through the Winter and into the next growing season. We also cleaned out the strawberry patch. There is room in the middle for something. I was thinking one cantelope or one watermelon plant but I dont know. One solitary something that can use that space to its advantage. I have to think about it.

  My fat ass has been eating crap. I gained as you can see. Fuckers. I wont hit the 240 mark. I will NOT! I REFUSE! I need to just hope to get in a better mindset. After I find out if I have breast cancer or not.

You all have a wonderful week.  I am going to take my meds, drink my coffee, eat some eggs, and clean my room.

Peace!

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Life can be shit



 *225 at gastro, 230 at the hospital*

  The massively large blizzard with two feet of snow will not happen for us on the shoreline. We had some snow early this morning but it quickly changed over to ice and rain. That is gonna be fun to clean up. We will have to go out in it while it is still relatively warm so it doesnt completely freeze. Ugh

 I started this blog post before the blizzard. Stuff got in the way and I never got to it to finish it. Oh well. Then life shit all over us. Let me get a coffee while you watch Jenna put rhinestones on her face.....Okay, I am back. Instead of another cup of coffee, I made myself a horking big salad. That is how I roll at 10am. I went to get the cream and forgot I bought a rotisserie chicken breast the other day. Salad it is! I have been eating alot of crap lately and not following the way I have to be eating. I have not fallen completely off the rails but... cookies and crap have happened. I have to just do this one day at a time and fight the urges to eat garbage. It is my addiction to sugar and wheat that I am fighting. So this morning I will start off with a mixed green salad with half avocado, cut up chicken, a couple cherry tomatoes, a tablespoon of blue cheese, and some dressing. Good start to the day. At noon, I have an appointment to get a massage. A well deserved one after the last week I have had.

This is my poor Jeepo. She is totaled. She is no more. Last Friday, a guy veered in front of me as I was going straight and we had a head on collision. Kid #2 was my passenger. We are sore from the accident but no broken bones thankfully. We have a rental until the total loss paperwork goes through. That could be about 2 weeks. Our mechanic has gotten his license to sell cars. He has been going to the auctions to get for him to sell. He is going to get us a new to us SUV and only charges us a small finders fee. He will be able to check the vehicle to make sure it is not a piece of shit. We are hoping for another Jeep but we have a few specifics that we asked for. He goes every Wednesday, we gave him money for the auction, and he will text us when he sees something. If we do not get anything next week, we can get something the following week. I dont want to wait for the check for the total. Let`s just get something so I do not have to drive the Nissan aka clown car around. She is a good old car but she is rickety and 16 years old. I do not want to kill her. That is why I am glad we have the rental.

  And the other shoe is health wise. So I went to have a mammogram and have my Thyroid biopsied. Insurance is going away so might as well get these things done. Next day I get the call. I have to redo my mammogram which is not a big deal to me at that point. The girls are dense and I always have to have a redo. But I stupidly went on MyChart to check my appointment times. My boobs have two appointments. One for a mammo redo. One for my left breast only for an ultrasound. That does not make me happy at all. The second part of the phone call was about my thyroid. It seems that the nodule (or more) have grown to the point that I need a biopsy. That is next Monday. I am scared shitless of needles in my throat. Shitless! I have finally figured out a few things though. The swallowing issue I have been having that is not my esophagus is most likely my thyroid. And my itching is most likely my thyroid. I worry that they will want to remove it. I am not worried about cancer with the thyroid because that is a very remote possibility and if it is, it is one of the easiest cancers to survive.  So yeah. Life is shit right now.

And it is fucking cold! It is Spring and it is freezing.

I gotta go. I took too long to write this and I still have to take a shower before my massage. I will report back on Monday after the biopsy unless I have died of fright.

Namaste

Sunday, March 12, 2017

March Bleezard 2017

Picture courtesy of Southern Connecticut Weather on FB


*22-something* <---I have been eating better but I haven't weighed so I have no idea

    Fucking Blizzard! Are you kidding me? I am not in the mood for 18 inches of anything right now. Because of there we are on the map, we will get dumped on. Like 20 inches locally they are saying. Not in the Mood, I tell ya. We did find some rock salt at the last place we called. We have a bucket on the porch that is always full. It is down to the dregs and that would have not been enough to satisfy me for this storm. We have food and flash lights and kerosene just in case. I am going to go to the store super early so that I can pick up foods for cooking. We are going to do a roasted butternut squash soup. Part in the oven, the other half in the crockpot. We will roast a big chicken with potatoes and carrots. Also mashed cauliflower. I will pick up some raw veggies and dip and we need a couple boxes of tea for when it is blowing cold and we want to sip while we look out the window.

   Of course the new furnace is acting up just before a storm. We have four zones. The zone to the first floor is not clicking on. We do have the basement zone though so the heat can rise up to warm us up. It just sucks. I texted the furnace dude to see if he can come around tomorrow before the storm, if he is available. It is much warmer up here now. i went down there, turned up the heat, pulled stuff away from the registers, and did some laundry while I waited. I came upstairs after about 15 minutes and it is not as cold as it was. I was wondering why it was so fucking cold when the heat was on, the furnace was kicking on, and we have oil. It seems we have more trouble with the new furnace then we do when we had the 30 yr old one. Isnt that always the way?

 Our new fridge came on Friday. We did have some snow earlier in the day but it never stuck to the pavement so the drivers were able to bring her. She is a Frigidaire Gallery Stainless Steel baby. We went with a local appliance place so we did not pay as much as Home Depot was charging. She is beautiful and she purrs like a kitten, sort of.  They took away the old one and I am happy. The old one did us justice but she was freezing stuff in the fridge. I had tried to fix that by unplugging the fridge to see if a line had frozen. It would work for a little while but then it would freeze up again. It was time. We have the money to buy it so I just pulled the plug. Surprisingly, the floor underneath was not that horrid. Lots of bottle caps from the cat but it didn't make me want to run screaming from the room.

  My stretches and not using more then one pillow has helped alot with my arm falling asleep and hurting. I am not saying it is 100% cause that would just jinx it but it feels damn close. Getting rid of the high pillow for a flatter one has helped the Hubs too. If you suffer from neck pain, think about going to just one flat pillow. You will be surprised at how you feel. I also have to say that I am liking the new electric toothbrush. It is making my teeth nice and sparkly. I have to also keep my blood sugars down more. I am eating less crap but I have not cut out completely. It is like I lose my mind when I am hungry. I really need to just eat more fat. Eat more fat. Eat more fat! EAT MORE FAT! Ugh. I think the stresses of life are part of the reason I cannot fully commit to LCHF at this time. But I have to do it. I have to. I dont want to lose my teeth. I do not want to lose my eyesight. I just have to be stronger. It sounds insane and unhealthy to some but I have to really analyze every mouthful for awhile. If I do not eat enough fat, I will fall off the wagon. I will hard boil some eggs and fat bombs tomorrow.

  Otherwise my health is good. I feel okay. I am moving along in my life. I have been walking more. I can do a mile in 25 minutes. As it gets warmer, we will want to add on and do two miles. I will map it out online. If you have not seen it before, I have used Walk Jog Run for that. You can map out walks in your town and know how far it is. They even do stuff like the grade of the walk as to how many calories you are burning. It is pretty cool. The mile was easy. Two miles will be a little harder. We shall see how far we can get by the Fall. I want to go slow so I dont kill my feet. I need to buy some inserts for my sneakers too. Just to be on the safe side. I am really trying to get myself into better shape so that I can live a bit longer on this Earth. Plus I get to spend time with the kid and she gets healthy too.

  That is about it. I have no gardening stuff to talk about because of the snow. I am doing more decluttering but nothing amazing. A book here or there. A knic knac or two. They all go to donations and hopefully happy homes. I am done with the clutter. I dont want my family to have to figure out how to get rid of all my shit. So I will do it for them. It is my gift to them. Hopefully I will have more garden and plant talk next Sunday or Monday.  Have a great week and if you are gonna have some snow, I hope you are safe!

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Teeth Scraping and a Change of Heart


*228*

OMG! Two posts in a row must be some kind of record!

  This morning at 8am, I had my tooth cleaning. It was agony and a blood bath as per usual. I also found out that my periodontal disease has gotten worse!  I had done so good last year with eating correctly and I had healed some of my gum/teeth issues. If you have periodontal disease, then you know what I mean. Lots of 4s and 5s in that count today. I am not a happy camper. I bit the bullet and purchased a Sonicare brush. It will help immensely with helping save my teeth. I am going to have either no dental or limited dental insurance for I dont know how long. This morning was the wake up call that I needed.

  Eat low carb high fat. Save your teeth and the bones that hold them in your face! Diabetes is a helluva drug, I tell you. I am also ruining my eyesight with the cataracts by not following this way of eating.  Seriously though, I have cried wolf on this before the last couple months. Waaa! I cannot stick to the lchf WOE. Waaa! I gained 8 lbs! Well, bitch, you are ruining yourself on the inside. You will look like a broke bitch with no teeth if you keep this shit up!


 I bought the pink one, of course. She cost me $150. I think I will pay the price to save my teeth from mass destruction. I will use her tonight after my gums heal from the catastrophe of this morning.  It is a Sonicare DiamondClean Professional Series. It has bells and whistles. I will use it and let you all know how it goes.

  Yeah, I think this morning was a revelation. She was counting my teeth and shooting out numbers for the assistant to write down. There were hardly any 1s 2s or 3s like 6 months ago. In 4 months, I am right back where I started with my teeth. Keeping the blood sugars in check are one of my major arsenals in living a relatively good life in one piece. With Periodontal Disease, you have bone loss under your teeth. That bone is what holds you teeth in your face. I do not have any wiggle but if you can wiggle your teeth, that is a bad sign. I have been wearing a night guard for about 2 years now. I used to have the kind the dentist makes for you, but Ruby got hold of it when she was a puppy. $200 down the drain. I was able to find a good one in the pharmacy. It is called Dentek mouth guards. I use the full guard for max protection. You use hot water to mold it. I have had this same one for over a year. Saves your teeth immensely.  I am a major grinder of my teeth. This stopped it cold. It does take a couple nights to get used to it, but once you have used it on a regular basis, you cannot sleep without it. There is no more tooth shift when you wake up on the morning.

  So.  I am most definitely back to eating Keto/banting/lchf. No more cheating. No more french fries cause they are only a potato. No more sugar. No more allowing myself to be lead to eat those things. I am done. My first goal is to get back down to 219. After I reach that goal, I will decide what else I am going to do.
Oh yeah. I forgot. I started this supplement by Now called Gymnena Sylvestre. It is used by diabetics to help with metabolism and keeping blood sugars in check. I was going to see if it works. People use it to block sugar but I doubt that actually works. I want to see if it helps with pancreas function. If it doesnt work for me, it is probably cause my pancreas cells are basically wiped out and I will be on the needle till I know longer walk this Earth. That sounded grim. Dont take it that way. That is the way I talk. I will discuss the supplement at a later time. I started it this week so too early to tell.

   I got some Oracle cards this past weekend.  They are my first set. They called to me actually. I went into the local shop to see if they had any bronzite (nobody does!), and I poked around and this one caught my eye. It is very accurate with me so I guess we chose each other well. I do not know if I am going to do this for anyone else, or just do it for me. I have to familiarize myself with how to read cards and the spread. I like doing it for myself because it helps give me some guidance in really big things I have to think about. I purchased well.

  After that scraping and my big breakfast/lunch, I am definitely ready for a nap of some type. I woke up super early and it is just gloomy outside. I have some major cleaning to do but I think I will rest up first before I do that.
Have a good rest of your week. Let`s hope for NO SNOW!

 

Monday, March 6, 2017

Cheeto Cravings


*228* <---I weighed this past weekend. I still have some weight to go.

  I ate a half a bag of Cheetos. I had a stress filled day of doing stuff and I caved. But I dont feel badly. I only ate half. I could have devoured the entire bag. Oh. I ate a donut too.
 This is going to be a short post because it is 815pm, I have to change my clothes, wash up, and go to bed early. I have a 8am dentist appt cleaning. I HATE getting my tartar scraped. It is right up there with migraines. Dont like it. Dont want it. But I will do it. We have insurance until the end of April. We are cramming in all we can before it is gone and we have to go on State (until one of us gets a job with benefits).

  We ran around today and got stuff done. Made appointments for all at the dentist, Kid #2 for the eye doctor and primary. Drove hither and yon to get it all done. Dropped the nissan off at the mechanic to have her worked over. She needs all four of her shocks replaced. She is also going to get two new tires. We are getting stuff done that has to be done so that we do not have to worry about it.

  I have been paying all the bills down to 0. I have not had a 0 balance on anything in years. It feels good. It feels adult. Look at Me! I am adulting. It takes a tragedy of job loss to get me to do the right thing. LMAO Not really . We just have the cash on hand to get all these things accomplished. We are going to have all the plugs replaced this week on the 1st floor and I am going to start painting the living room. I promised myself, I would not pick a color for the kitchen until the livingroom is done. It has to be done. It has waited to fucking long. I did the trim before the winter so now it is time to paint the walls. I have been doing alot of decluttering. Every week, I pick a few things and donate them or toss them. Some things do not deserve to have another owner. It feels good to purge. And I have been good to not add to the herd.

   It is cold. It is cold. It might snow on Sunday (BOO!) and I am dry and itchy. Other then the complaint side of that and the bloat from the Cheetos, I am doing ok. I know I said I am sticking to the LCHF and for the most part I kind of am.  I do not want to gain weight. I am bargaining with myself. I think I need to send out my intentions to my higher power to help me be stronger when it comes to my food choices. Junk is the enemy. I have to stop. I feel good when I eat whole foods. I dont want to feel like garbage. But I keep falling back into it when I have a stressful day, like today. Or I have others trying to influence me. I should not completely blame them for my choices because again....I am an adult. But you all know what I mean. I need to be stronger!

  I have not heard from the job for an interview but that is because the hiring person was on vacation last week. I have faith that I will hear something. If I do not hear from them, I will look for something else that is comparable. But I have a good feeling. I feel like I could get an real life in person interview. We shall see.

Okay. yeah. I am bloated from the Cheetos. I need to go stretch out and bitch at myself for my poor choices. At least my dinner was compliant. Baked chicken, steamed broccoli with cheese, and a big salad.

Gonna go now. If anything fun happens this week, I will add an extra posting.

Keep warm!

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Fat Tuesday Gorgefest. Not Really

*228* <---I lost 3 lbs so far!

  The sad assed eat-a-thon is over for me. I am going to use Lent (and today and yesterday) as my jumping off point back into full keto. I even made a declaration on IG. I want to see if I can lose another 50lbs by October. That is how much I lost the first go around. I lost my way but I am back on track. I am not looking at it as a failure if I do not lose another 50lbs by the Fall, but I have had better lost something. At least 20-30lbs! I have goals!

Yesterday I went to the pharmacy to fix the mess that is our insurance. I talked to the pharmacist about my gut issues. I bought a bottle of pancreatic enyzmes to help aid in my digestion because I do not have a gallbladder. You take a pill with meals. We shall see. I just started it today. He also bestowed the virtues of peppermint oil. If you ingest small amounts (i dip a toothpick in the bottle and stir it in my coffee) it helps with spasms, gerd, ibs, and contractions of my colon. I started it yesterday so I cannot say anything yet but I will come back to it at a latter date to give a full report. It helps with alot of things especially appetite suppression. Supposedly if you take a few sniffs or put a dot under your nose, it helps you from being hungry or gorgy. I will definitely need that in the coming weeks cause that is why I have failed to get back on the wagon with Keto.

 We have insurance until the end of April. It has been a bit of a hassle getting stuff kick started but Hubs talked to somebody yesterday, I sent out a check (we pay what he paid as employee) and it will be turned on soon. This is why I am thankful that we cashed in the money. If we had not, we would be up shits creek. I have made some appointments coming up for mid March. I still have to have the MRI on my neck to make sure if all is ok. Part of me just doesnt want to know. I wont have real insurance to have it taken care of so why bother. Hospitals and Doctors treat you differently when you are on State Medical. This is another reason why we are going to get back to eating keto and losing more weight. The weight loss will help with the health aspect and keep us out of the doctors office.

     We have not had stuff done around the house yet. I want to hold off at first. We are going to have Venus in retrograde for the first 2 weeks of March and it is NOT a good time to have work done or make major purchases.  This I just learned and I am going to follow that advice. We have a few things that we want to do around the house that are necessary like fix the fascia around the border, find out about new gutters, get the house painted in the Fall, etc. And I dont want anything to happen to fuck that up. Waiting a couple weeks wont be a tragedy. I already talked to a friend about the garden beds in front of the house. She is gonna crunch some numbers. I do not want to spend alot but I am not gonna be cheap either. Mid range is the way to go. If they are up before the summer, I will be happy!

  I did not hear from the place that I put in my resume. But I went in to pay the bill yesterday. The lady at the front told me the hiring manager is on vacation and will be back next week. That is why there was no call! She said that when they are hiring, they like to have both the manager and the supervisor in on the interview. Her face told me not to worry, I would get a call. Oh my word, how am I going to deal with two people asking me questions?? I am going to have to just be cool, be myself, it is okay, and ask my higher power to help me with this aspect of my life. I need this. I feel it is a perfect fit for me. I have done it before. I am healthier now then I was back then. I can contribute to our lives with medical benefits. The money is not great but it will get better with time.

   Today is Fat Tuesday. It is the last day to gorge yourself before the 40 days of Lent march on until Easter. I am a Catholic by trade so I know these things. I guess eat sugar free Twizzlers for dessert last night would be considered a bit of a gorge? I dont know. Hubby and I made THE best keto stuffed peppers. I dont even have a website recipe. We just made it up.

Heidi`s Keto Stuffed Bell Peppers
-Four Red Bell Peppers, tops cut off, dig out the seeds. You are going to want to steam them for about 10 minutes to get them a bit soft but not too soft. Stand them up in small baking dish.
-One and half cups of riced cauliflower. You can get this in the produce section. It has a steam bag for the microwave.
-Half a yellow onion, minced and sauteed
-3 cloves of garlic, minced and sauteed
-1 package of Hatfield loose Italian pork sausage and 1 package of Hatfield loose chorizo sausage, sauteed till brown
-Pasta sauce of your choice, either home made or from the jar.
 Mix the meat, riced cauliflower, cup of sauce, onions, garlic, salt, black pepper, basil, and garlic powder. Fill each pepper with the mixture. Top with Mozzarella cheese. Pour remainder of the sauce in the bottom of the baking dish. Cook in a 350 deg F oven for 30 minutes. We went to 45 because we like it to have a little brown on the cheese.
I do not have nutritional information cause I just made this up but if you wanted to know, you could look up the ingredients on MyFitnessPal. This dish makes four servings. It was really good. I was saying Yumm as I ate it. That will be made again.

  Oh! I bought myself a pair of sneakers! Real Nike Sneakers. I tried them on and I like them. They are hard soled but have squishing bottoms. You feel like you are walking on air. Since Meteorological Spring is here tomorrow, my ass it going to start walking again. Up the street, around, and down the street. Gotta take care of the ass jiggles. My legs are so cottage cheesy from losing weight. I know that it wont all go away because of my lack of collagen but I could try to tone a little bit. I also know that moving my booty will help with the arthritis in my hips and back. It is not bad yet but if I do not move my ass, it will be.

That is about it. There is nothing spectacular going on this week really. Just paperwork and ideas of things to come. As it gets warmer, I will have better stuff to show and talk about. I hope you all have a great last day of February. Get out and enjoy something yummy! Let`s hope NO MORE SNOW!

Namaste.


Sunday, February 19, 2017

Learning the ways of the Empath

Sunrise from front porch

*227* <--i haven't weighed so I dont know..possibly 2 ton

  I had a difficult dream last night and it woke me up at 4am. I woke up the previous night at 5am. I have not had a nap so you can just guess how I feel. Kid #1 is going through some work stuff (she will be fine) but I think what is going on in her mind and heart has been presenting itself to me in my dreams. Sounds trippy. I know. I am not the trippy kind of gal. But I have had some revelations this past month. You will either believe it or you wont. I wont go deep deep DEEP into it because I dont want any of you to think I am completely off my nut. I am a Empath. I am highly intuitive. I have the gifts of Clairsentience and Claircogizance.  There is probably more to me in this realm but I dont really know.

   I will not get into the entire story because it would be just way too long. Long story short, I was invited and introduced to a Massage Therapist that could help me with my ongoing back pains. She is a friend of a friend. Remember how I never had a massage before. This was a whole new world for me. Like people have issues with strangers touching their feet for a pedicure, I had a issue with strangers rubbing my body. I decided to just do it. Have the experience and if I didn't like it, I wouldn't have to do it again. I was sent there not only because of my back. I was sent there because my friend knew. She knew that I was an empath and I needed to be told so. The massage therapist also has a degree as a psychotherapist. She felt very like home to me. She told me that I am a highly intuitive person. I am a Empath. I have to learn to ground myself. I have to learn to meditate. Yoga is out for now because of my arthritis. I have been reading and watching videos ever since.

  In a nutshell (nuts again), Empaths are sensitive to their surroundings more then other people. Some have some gifts, some have other gifts. We all do not have the same. All my life I have been able to tell when someone is lying. I do not like disingenuous or false people. They turn me right off and I can spot them 10 miles away. If you are a fake bitch, I want nothing to do with you. I can sense peoples emotions, intentions, and sometimes thoughts. I have been yelled at for finishing other people`s sentences. I can look at your face and know how you are feeling. My ability to sense negative energies or possibly spirits is in the realm of Clairsentience. That has been going on most of my life. I just thought it was a quirky trick and I helped friends pick out apartments that didn't give me the shivers.  I never really talked about these things before because 1. I dont want to be labeled as crazy. 2. It was just who I am. No need to announce something that is normal to me.  Until I found out I was a little extraordinary.

  Let me tell you a freaky story. I had done an application for that job that I want. But I never added a resume or cover letter because I did not know I was supposed to. I have not applied for a job in like 20 years. I also realized that I really messed up on the application. No one had called me so I decided to be proactive. I said to myself that I hope they did not see my other application. I had Kid #2 pick up another one for me. I filled it out the right way, did the resume and cover letter, and presented them two weeks ago while coming in to pay my bill. The lady that I always see up front remembered that I had brought another one in. I told her that I forgot about the resume and cover letter so I figured I would correct the situation. I asked out loud about it in the car after I left. All I wanted was a chance. Just a chance. If it is meant to be, please help me let that happen. Three hours later...I had a telephone interview. Come to find out, the lady up front brought my application to the back and  told the hiring manager and the supervisor to call me..interview me.  She and they looked for my first application. They could NOT find it. It was gone. I found this out the other day from her. (new billing cycle so I paid the bill). She said it was a good sign that I was called that quickly. She smiled at me in a way that let me know that I will probably get a sit down interview for the job.  So everyday I make it a point to ask my higher power/spirit guides to help me. If this job is meant for me to have, please let me be correct in my path. Help me with the interview. Calm my mind and spirit. Let them see that I would be the right choice. Sometimes coincidences arent coincidences at all.

  Ever since I have been told, stuff has been happening. Like I said, I am not going to get into it all because that would take too much time. But if I have a good story to tell that pertains to it, I will share.

  We have had a couple warm days and a string of really warm days are coming this week. I am sick of looking at the dirty snow. I will be glad to see it go. I have plans for this growing season and they are gonna happen! I have already committed to the three beds at the community garden this year. We will keep them at least this year. I dont know about next year, we will see. But since we are going to have some money to do things around the house, I want my garden beds in the front. Three long beds filled with compost. The front yard will have to be dug up and smoothed out first. Then I will buy lots and lots of wood chips to cover around the beds.  I want to be able to veggie garden in my Pjs. Once the weather gets warmer, we have some things that have to be done around the house. Most definitely have to have the outside spigot replaced. I havent been able to use it for two seasons cause we turned it off. It was leaking. That is going to be done. I will totally take pics on IG of the progress. I keep hoping for the warmer temps so I can start growing some lettuce and radishes!

  Kid #2 and I decided yesterday that we want a roasted chicken dinner today. I have to pick up a chicken this morning cause Hubby will put a dry rub on it to sit in the fridge for a couple hours. I am thinking of doing a cauliflower gratin to go with it. I will use almond flour in place of regular flour.  This recipe stands out to me. I have some stone ground mustard in the fridge I could use too. I will not use breadcrumbs. Mmmm! I have been bloated from corn chips yesterday. Dont ask. It was not a good day yesterday and as a family we went out to eat.  I have to realize that my kids are grown and I cannot be Mama bear all the time. Sometimes they have to walk their path alone, even if it is very hard to do. It is hard for me to. The kid will be okay. She will flourish in her life and her future. What has happened is just a stepping stone in her life.

 I am blathering because of lack of sleep! I need to take a nap but that will happen later while Hubs cooks the chicken. I hope you have a wonderful week. Especially this Sunday. Go out and enjoy some Vitamin D.
Namaste
 



Thursday, February 16, 2017

Trying to stay positive


*227* <---I gained 7 fucking pounds! That is not acceptable!*'


   I am trying really hard to be positive. The man has a telephone interview with unemployment next week. He is also going to go there to find out about help with job training and such like that. Now it is time to work it. We cannot afford for him to go much lower then what he was making. A couple dollars yes but any lower then that, and it is going to be very hard. I might have to go stiletto shopping.  On a positive note, it is almost 5pm est and the sun is still over the horizon. Every day gets a little bit longer.

  I have a crazy idea. Hear me out. I was thinking of applying to the USPS as a Rural Carrier Associate. That is what I used to do. All your work is basically sitting in the truck and delivering. Most of the mail is sorted for you, not like back when I was an RCA. You work every Saturday. Then you work any days your carrier wants off, and when they go on vacation. It isnt enough money to live off of but I can work for the Feds, be a Federal employee, and still collect my SS. I will never make over that certain amount that deems you ineligible. Unless I get my own route. Which is highly unlikely but it is nice to dream. I think I will find out where the testing center is for CT and decide if I really want to do that. Thoughts? I know I know. No comments hardly. On a positive note, I went to the new Aldi`s today in my area. LOVE IT. Bought some cheese.

  Well, that just made me burst into tears. The Neurosurgeon finally set up my MRI. Nobody let me know. It is supposed to be for this Saturday. This is to check on my cervical spine and to see why I have a weak pulse in my arm. I had to tell her that he doesnt work there anymore and we could not afford to do it. I have been waiting for over a month for that appointment and now it is nothing. Poof. I have to file for State Welfare insurance for me and hubby. I have no idea how to do that. At all. I worry every day. I have not told anybody but you all and a couple of friends. No one asks me how i am doing. I cannot even go to therapy to talk it out cause I dont have insurance to pay for it. If I get sick, I will just end up dying.  On a positive note, the snow outside is melting nicely. We will have a few warm ups coming up this week and next week.

  Yesterday was Kid #1`s birthday. She is now 28 years old. I made her a full sized Martha Stewart NY style cheesecake. We went out for dim sum lunch for her meal. She got to go to Lush and Sephora on her sister`s dime. She had a good time. We had the money set aside. No sense in making her birthday feel like shit cause life is imploding all over the place for us. Sometimes you have to just a little bit of normal to make everything feel okay. Even for a little bit. On a positive note, my grapefruit tree has sprouted a new baby. This is good news!

  That was the last birthday until October. There are no more excuses from here on out. I went to do my regular grocery shopping and picked up all kinds of stuffs to add fat into the diet so I do not fall head first into a loaf of bread. Like I did on Tuesday. My friend`s husband makes artisinal loafs of bread. I had never had before. I bought a loaf for the girls cause they dont really get bread at all anymore. OMG! Hubs and I ate some. It was divine! I have to be careful though and so does he. We dont have any health insurance. Being a diabetic with no insurance is no joke. On a positive note, I have a nice big pot of crack slaw cooking on the stove. I am using stevia in place of the brown sugar in the recipe. We can eat till we puke and it wont make the sugars go up.

    I think that is about all I have to say. I am quiet. Hardly anybody knows what is going on but the ones that do aint saying anything to me. So that makes me feel really special. I have yet to go through the stuff for Etsy and Ebay. Once I get out of this funk I am in, I will do it. I promise. You will see stuff up on there. I just am not feeling any kind of productivity at this point. I looked at the calendar and in next week will be two weeks since my telephone interview. If I am going to hear anything, it will be around then. I have to go pay my bill tomorrow. I will let the ladies up front know how far I have gotten. I hope I get it. I really do. I keep sending out positive thoughts so that it can happen.

Have a good weekend! I will probably post again on Sunday. I just felt like I needed to let some shit go and I have nobody to talk to so I just throw it up here for the world to read.

Sunday, February 12, 2017

The snow didn't get me



*225*

  I am on the iPad this afternoon. Blogger won't let me download a new photo on here at all.  I had to use what I had available and all the photos are from like 2011. This is Oliver and Milo (ginger kitty) from Summer 2011. Milo was a baby boy and Oli was a year older. They are still thick as thieves. Perfectly fine picture for this Sunday blog post.

  I am have been down. I have been busy. I have been trying to figure shit out. I  did a lot and that is why a post last week was not in the cards. I filed for full Medicare. That new card should come in another week. The job gave him the option to resign, with a severance, and insurance till the end of March. I can breath a little bit. Tuesday he can cash out the retirement. I have paperwork from unemployment to fill out. I also sent in paperwork for me to possible get job training,

  Oh wow! I have some exciting news!! So last week I did my resume and cover letter for a position as customer service rep (over the computer) some place. On this Wednesday, I handed in those and a application. I asked my higher power to help me with this. Give me a chance. That is all that I ask. Three hours later, the hiring manager called. She gave me a telephone interview. I think I did pretty good. I was able to answer without stumbling. She said it will be a couple weeks before they decide who will get formal interviews. I will hear either way. I asked for it and I was given a chance. If that is as far as it goes with this company, I am okay with that.  I have been thinking about this for a year. I think it took this turning point in life to give me the push that I needed. It starts off at $10.50/hr but full benefits. That is important. I will let you all know.

  I am doing okay surprisingly. I have a real feeling of calm about the whole thing, you would think I would be a massive wreck, but I am not.  Don't get me wrong, I have my moments. I have stayed off social media pretty much cause I am not telling anybody anything and all their mundane life stuff is making me sad. We will be okay. He will get unemployment and he will look for a job. I will look for work. I have my social security. And we have the 401k. Some people think we are crazy but most understand. We don't want to be in a situation where there is no money for something,

  Thursday we had a blizzard. I did not measure but I heard we got between 14-16 inches. Saturday it snowed another two and today it snowed another two (just for us) but now it is raining so a nice layer of ice on top. We went out at 9am before the snow and got some stuff done. We are all safe and sound in the house till tomorrow. A plus about him not working is I don't have to worry to death that he is out in that small car, on the highway, in a snow storm, to go pick up stats and cultures, and such. We all snuggled in.  We were told that we would get our winter. Boy did we get it.

   I cannot eat Girl Scout cookie Samoas. I wondered why my gut was in so much pain yesterday.  And still today. I finally realized it was the coconut on the cookie. I had like 4 of them and that was 4 too many. Let's just say I need to stay close to home. I have been eating all the wrong things. I have said fuck it all over the place with sugar, wheat, grains, and potatoes. I have to detox myself and I have to fight the urges. Back on track. No more crap. Tonight I am making kielbasa, mashed cauliflower, and a fancy salad with chopped bacon and blue cheese crumbles added in. I wanted a nice fancy stick of sausage this week. The girls are like ewww but Hubs and I cannot wait,

  Did I tell you that I found out I am a highly intuitive Empath? I could go back and look the past month of blogs because honestly, I cannot remember.  I am going to talk more about this from time  to time. A major life can of worms has been opened for me. I have found out many things that some may totally agree with and others will just say I am crazy. Once you have been told this, you start to search out your truths. You get answers to some life long questions about yourself. I found out that I am a Indigo Child  (adult). I am highly sensitive to my surroundings and other people. So much for me to learn. I have to go to the mystical shop and buy myself a tourmaline stone to help protect me. I need to learn a lot. This is all I am going to say about this for now. If you are a empath, why not give me a shout out.

  I am done for now. I am gonna take a nap, if my colon allows me too. I will be back to my regularly scheduled programming. I am done being pitiful for now. I hope you all have a great week and no more snow!

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

There goes the other shoe




  Some major life changes have happened since I posted yesterday morning. I am just gonna say it because why act like everything is okay. Because it is not. Hubs was terminated from his job of 28 years yesterday. I will not get into specifics because it is going to be going through grievance and such with the union. Maybe later on I can say stuff but not now. I hope you all understand.

Yeah. So I am a tacky bitch and put up a Paypal button. Think what you want of me but a girl needs to make some money. There is no pressure for any of you to donate. Maybe some stray person will come looking at one of my posts and throw me a dollar. I am just covering all my bases. Hubs can file for unemployment while we wait to hear what happens. I am going to get out of my ebay/etsy hiatus and sell my shit that I gots to sell. I am also thinking I might have to go back to work. Just a thought. My sick ass at work would be hilarious. But if I have to do it, I will.
Tomorrow I will return the cable boxes and turn off the cable. Internet has to stay cause we need entertainment and I have to use it to sell all the stuff around here. I am in survival mode. I do not know how long it will last till we find out if he gets his job back, they throw money at him, or he finds another position someplace. All is too raw for me to speculate. This is virgin territory for us. 28 yrs at the same place. He is gonna need career counseling.
We will have no health insurance. I think we have a month on his insurance. I want to get a rush on my cervical MRI to just make sure it is not something bad. If it is just nerve impingement, I can look up the PT exercises online.

So yeah, our life right now is pretty bad. As low as it can get. I guess we can only go up from here. Oh, and I figured out how to add my Instagram back as I was adding the Paypal button. Little miracles.
I am gonna get off here because I will start to blather on. It will snow today. 2-4 inches. Lesser for us. I am going to make some soup today. I am going to sort through my minis and antique stuff today. I will probably take pictures too. I think I will figure out how to add etsy to here too.

Okay. Wish us luck! I will still be here. Maybe more frequent to stress cry. I need to meditate.

Monday, January 30, 2017

I am not talking politics..today

*223* <----I could be. I could be not. Whose to know?

  First off, I am not gonna talk politics on here. If something horrifically horrifically worse then what is going on happens. Say eminent nuclear destruction, assassinations, or national famine..I am keeping my opinions to myself. There is enough bad energy swirling around. We do not need me adding to it.

   Yesterday was the Hubs birthday. 51 is a very good year. He was feeling under the weather though. This weather takes a toll on you sometimes. Kid #2 and I shopped and cooked a big dinner. We treated it like a holiday as it should be. I made carrot cake cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. And no, they were not LCHF/Keto. The meal was. The dessert was not. If was a beautiful day, he was/is loved, and I have a shit ton of dishes awaiting me after I finish this.
   I had two revelations this weekend. One is that popcorn in any form is a big no for me. When we went to the store, there was a chic handing out a free coupon with a bag  of something called Kernel Seasons Chrunchin Kernels Ranch flavor.  Basically they are flavored half popped popcorn kernels.  I have basically stayed away from popcorn since the cdiff. I might eat one or two stray pieces here or there with no problems. I wanted to see how it tasted. I am not exaggerating when I say that I ate probably a 1/2 to one full teaspoon of it.  It tasted good. I would highly recommend as a snack if you are not eating LCHF or if you have gut issues.  But if you are like me, stay the fuck away from them. It felt like nails going through my colon. I had to lay down for an hour while it worked it`s way out of me. I felt so sick. My gut is still sensitive today after the fact.
Revelation #1: Stay the hell away from popped corn in all forms. 

  I am not going to talk about why Hubs was sick cause that is none of our business. But it lasted for a couple days. It was unpleasant but he is much better this morning. I was trying to figure out what triggered it. The only thing that came to mind was our diet. We had been eating full fledged keto from May-November. Then it slowly flew off the rails. We still eat low carb high fat but not to the extent that we did before. We would cheat here and there. I think the woe that we were doing was helping him immensely. He did not suffer at all the whole time we were eating that way.  So yeah.
Revelation #2: Eating Keto is keeping us healthy. 


  I will just deal with the keto flu and the massive cravings to come. We are back on this WOE!  I packed his lunch this morning. He will have foods to eat while on the road. I have to go to the store to pick up cheeses because we are totally out. I have to hard boil some eggs too. I have been doing that all along but they will save me in the coming weeks. I am also going to make some fat bombs for the freezer. We have like 6 cupcakes left from yesterday. I am hoping that Kid #2 just brings them to work tonight. That would be ideal. They were faboo btw. I used Paula Dean`s recipe for both the cakes and the frosting. I cooked them for 35 minutes. Those are chopped pecans on top.

  Kid #2 has brought up a interesting proposition. She wants to start a YouTube channel with me. I want to research it all first. I will have to have the laptop my friend gave me worked over. You really need a good lappy to edit your videos. This Chromebook wont cut it. We could use our iPhones to record. She wants me to do cooking and mukbangs but with a keto twist. She wants to do her own mukbangs also. A mother daughter kind of thing. As you can see, I love to blog so I would be doing it cause I like to do it. If any followers or money comes with it, that would be great too.  I will let you all know if and when that happens. Mukbangs are gonna blow up in the Youtube world like they do in Korea. I love to watch them. Dont ask me why. I cannot explain it. It is not like a feeder thing. I like when they eat and talk. Kind of like you are sitting there with them. I also like ASMR but that is something totally different.  That video is of Keemi. I like her. She cooks, talks, and eats. I started watching her when she had a small following.

   I went to the neurosurgeon`s office last week. I saw his PCA.  He had a really good energy. I liked him. He listened to me. My lower back is arthritic. He could see my last surgery on my L5 S1. He used to work for the surgeon that did it. He said that my L4 L5 is not that great but he suggested that I go back to PT (yay!) and have the shots. I decided later that I am not doing the shots yet. I will do the PT and massage. If they do not help, I will try the shots. I told him about my neck hurting. My arms, hands, shoulders, etc. He wants me to have a MRI of my cervical. Then he does all the customary shit they do at an appointment. Heart beat, lungs, blood pressure, and pulse. He checks my pulse on my left hand, looks up at me and says *that is a weak pulse and your hands are cold*. He says I might have to see the vascular surgeon in the building. WHAT?? I asked if my low blood pressure be a reason too. He said yes. After much talk, we will wait till after my MRI is done. If I have to see the vascular guy, he will send me. Of course I googled that shit and I must be a fucking magician. I was thinking I had an issue with Thoracic Outlet Syndrome months ago. I talked about it to the massage therapist two weeks ago. I am not saying that I know that is what it is but who wants to bet me a $3 bill?  If it is just the nerves, I will learn how to hold my posture and techniques through PT. That is in like 95% of the cases. Very rare to have to see a vascular doctor about it. That would be if the area in question is impinging on your artery or veins. I am not gonna super worry about it.

  That is about it. It is Monday. I have to do laundry, water my plants, go buy cheese, and work on a little arts and crafts project. I have a wood octopus that I am painting. Yeah, I will share when it is done. I still have not figured out how to get the IG back on here. It is making me a little bit mad. My fishes are gone too. Grrrr.
I need a blogger guru, I tell ya.

Have a good week! Maybe some snow on Tuesday!

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Deactivate or Not Deactivate?


*219*


 That is the question of the day. I am struggling with possibly unplugging from Facebook for awhile. I spend way too much time on it and there is so much disgusting negativity. Not necessarily from my friends but their friends who like to leave troll like comments and think they are witty. They are not. I have been pretty surprised who many would probably love to meet The Donald and the model in person. That is far as I go with the political today. I feel like I need to protect myself from the negativity. It makes me feel gross and I dont like to feel that way on a daily basis. My dilemma is do I just stay away or actually deactivate. I have turned off notifications on my phone and my iPad for actual Facebook, which is nice. I feel that if I go complete cold turkey, I will fail.

   I left here, went to the grocery store, got a coffee, put everything away with the kid, and I am sitting down with an avocado, a pickle, and a big bowl of carrot tomato ginger red pepper soup puree. So good! I was given it on the day of my upper endoscopy and this is the last of it. So I will try to eat and type.

   The endoscopy was fine. I have the same erosive esophagitis (and duodenitis and gastritis) but it seems to be a little bit more. He did not need to stretch my esophagus open because there were no stricture. I will wait for the biopsy results like a good girl. I will probably have to take another zantac a day and something else while TRYING to stick to the no wheat, no eggs, no life meal plan. Everything is making me burp and feeling like I have to flush food or pills down with water on a regular is not fun. I love food. When I tend to cheat it is not hugely. Little bits here and there during the week. But those little bits are making it hard for me to lose weight. The more I lose, the better for me.
Yesterday I was presented with the opportunity to try little french macaroons.  *I do not have a picture of ours because we all gobbled them up before a good pic could be taken*. The ones I bought were very small, quarter sized. I chose the pistachio one and that was that. It was enough sugar to raise my bs up there. This is something I had always wanted to eat. I had one. I am happy I did. Next. So it is cheating like that. I either have to get over myself and these little food transgressions or....just get over myself.

   Tomorrow is a big day. We are having a Nor`easter. It is going to be an all rain event. But it will rain for two days and there will be wind. I hope our power stays on.  I will (hopefully) be getting my temporary MMJ card in email. I will have to call the dispensary to set up appt to have orientation and buy my first stuffs. I hear they have a nice lotion for rubbing on your aches and pains. I cannot wait for that. And I see the neurosurgeon here in my neck of the woods. I need an MRI of my neck and I want to get back to PT at some point. Crossing fingers that I have good experiences tomorrow.

Mmmm! Soup...

  I have been watching more Netflix lately. I have finished two tv show series so far. I really like Black Mirror and will be looking for new seasons. It gives you the right amount of creepy to make you uncomfortable but not so much that it is cringy. I really am a lover of Sci Fy. I finally finished The Magicians and I am told the new season starts at the end of this month. I always wanted to watch it but it was on late, my tv upstairs doesn't have a dvr, and I would fall asleep in the middle. So I never really knew if I really liked it. I really liked it! I have to see what show I want to watch next. I am trying to get into one of the Netflix Originals but I haven't decided which to dive into. I had really started to shy away from watching any tv series because my attention span sucked ass. It is still not the greatest but good enough to let me have some enjoyment. I guess watching all those YouTube videos helped out a lot.

It feels like Spring for reals. But it is still January. I have at least 2-2 1/2 months till I can really enjoy the kind of weather I crave. I have a literal shit ton of dishes waiting for me. SHIT TON! I have finished my soup, and my pickle. After I finish this, I will eat my avocado and get to working on that pile in there. Hubby is getting a massage right now so he will be no use to me for the rest of the day.

Signing off till next week. Have a good one.

Monday, January 16, 2017

MLK Jr Birthday and Housework

*222*

  I am still getting used to the fact that I have a new keyboard. I have been conditioned for so many years to use the mouse to paste the letters that I forgot what keyboard freedom was like. I just went with the flow. I realized that I never do for myself that much when I should. I will be more aware that sometimes, I deserved a new computer!

   It is a holiday Monday so the Man is home to hang out. He has already started some housework. He washed down the stairs and they smell lovely. We are going to shampoo the carpets upstairs and I am going to do a thorough scrubbing of the upstairs bathroom. Under the sink type of stuff. I like when he has the day off because I get some help with bigger stuff to do. One thing is I have a ugly purple ottoman that I won from a contest that needs to go. It is up at the top of the stairs. I also have alot of art posters that have been sitting in the same spot for over a year. They have to be gone through. I will keep some. Get rid of others. I want new stuff on the walls when I paint. It will be a busy and productive day with some meatloaf at the end.

   I had my very first massage last week. I found out later that it was a deep tissue massage. I know this because I was in agony for two days afterward. I felt like my back and neck had run a marathon. WTF! But I feel better somewhat. I will see her again in a month. That is about all I can afford at this time. Kid #2 has offered to pay half the cable bill every month so that little extra cash will go toward two massages a month for me and the man. She is a social worker plus she is also very metaphysical is that completely explains it. She told me something I kind of already knew about myself but never owned it. I am a empath. This is why I suffer so much physically. I take on every persons feelings, emotions, and energies. This is why I am good at clearing a place for people. Meaning..is this new apartment I am about to rent full of negative energy or evil spirit? I feel weird in places that just do not have good intentions and I always remember those places. The evilness that I felt is printed on my brain. It only has happened a few times in my life. She does alot for you and charges so little for it. It is truly worth it. It is like I had a good therapy session on top of a deep tissue massage and a cranio massage. I can see me going to her on a regular basis. Maybe I will get in touch with what I am in this world.

  It wouldn't be a blog post without a bullshit piece of medical stuff, am I right? I called the gastro and got into the office right away on Friday. I am having issues with swallowing and temporary impacting of food/pills in my esophagus. This has been going on for about 6 months to a year. Maybe longer but I never really paid attention to it. It would happen rarely. You know how you would swallow a pill the wrong way and it would get stuck. You would flush with water and all would be good. Or you took a too big of a bite of food that you did not chew well..same thing. It has been happening more frequently. It is not every day but it is definitely not rare anymore. Friday scared me. My pills kept getting stuck in my chest right below my throat. Then I ate some breakfast and the same thing happened. I ate a piece of cheese and it took awhile of drinking water to make it go down. I am having a upper endoscopy on Thursday. He told me to chew chew chew my food. Eat soft foods. If anything get stuck and I cannot make it go down, I have to go to the ER.  He said that it could be a yeast infection but who knows. I have had a bunch of ideas thrown at me about it but I have symptoms for all of these things and not of others. I cannot pin point and say..It is that! So I will wait for the endo and see what he finds.

  Otherwise, except for my regular old pains that I have (storm brewing?) I am feeling good. My mood is good. My body has a bit of energy today. I am not feeling pissy or bitchy at all. I like days like today. Make me feel like my old self. I am not worried about the upper endo cause I have done it before. Easy Peasy. I am just going to live my life, have the procedure, find out what he sees, and proceed with life.
  Is it Spring yet? We had some really warm days last week. Like in the lower 50 deg f range. It teased me. It made me think of planting. It made me think of warm sunshine. I was ready honey.  Then it crashed into the 30s and it snow. Boo!

 Okay, I am still in my sleep clothes. I have to get dressed. Need to go out and rent a steam cleaner. One of these days we will just buy one. One of these days. I hope you have a wonderful week and a sunshine filled holiday Monday.

Monday, January 9, 2017

24 years of wedded bliss


*222* <--stuck there for a couple weeks

 **I have had a issue with the app for Instagram on here. I have tried to figure out how to get it back on but it hasn't worked. I will not give up but just not in the mood to fiddle with that shit right now**

   Today is our 24th wedding anniversary. I have sauce cooking while Italian sausages are braising in it. There are two small spaghetti squashes roasting in the oven. Those are for hubby and I. The girls will eat spaghetti. I have not made sauce in awhile and I was in the mood. Wedding anniversary is just as good a time as any.

    I am on the new laptop. It is actually a Samsung Chromebook. It is much smaller then what I had before so it has taken me a few days to get used to it. Do you know I still act like I dont have a letter N sometimes? Look at that capital N. Isnt she the sweetest thing you ever did see? I have transferred over all of my bookmarks and photos that I wanted to save. The clunker is sitting on the table, awaiting it`s fate. I have to figure out how to pry it open to get pull out all the pieces. There is alot of information on that hunk of junk that I do not want anyone getting ahold of. All and all, it is a really nice little computer. It gives me what I need and I have not sworn at it once. It took less then 2 minutes to set it up. That is crazy. Remember when you would get a new computer and it would take a solid hour to get it set up? That included getting the internet working. Times sure have changed.

 We did get some snow for Saturday into Sunday. I would say it was about 6-7" max. It was a very light fluffy snow so it was easy to shovel. I drove around in it the next day in the Jeepo without much trouble at all. The city sanded the hill so I have no worries at this point. It will jack up to the 50s later this week and we might get another storm on Saturday. Hopefully it is just rain. Only two months and 11 days until the first day of Spring, so says Alexa. I ordered a couple blueberry bushes through our community garden. I am HOPING to have garden beds in front of the house this year. HOPE HOPE HOPE!

      Yes, I did shovel. It is weird how my back and sciatica have been. Just really weird. I could feel like I am losing my grips with my lower half of my body and sometimes my arms and hands at the same time. Then it is like all is right with the world. I cannot explain it. I do still have lower back pain. Right now most of my pain is really low like my tailbone. But there has been no sciatica in either leg. No spasms. No awful electric shocks. Not a damn thing. I am not dumb. I know it hasnt gone away. It is still there, waiting to make me suffer once again. But for some reason, I get these *arthritic* reprieves. I guess I could dig into the internet and try to figure it out if I really wanted to.  I see the local neurosurgeon at the end of this month so I hope to get some answers.
Beef bone broth
I made this over the weekend during the snow too. My first batch of bone broth. I am so Martha Stewart right about now. This is the recipe for it.  I used bone marrow bones only this time around. I think the next time I do it, I will use marrow and oxtail bones. You can do this with pork bones, chicken bones, and fish bones too. You just roast whatever, eat the meat, and use the bones to simmer for hours and hours with veggies and such. This made it to the 12 hour mark. Somebody turned it off in the night so I did not get to do the full 24 hours. I told them the next time not to touch the heat. It tastes really really good. Now, it is not salted. It is bland as fuck but that is what broth/stock is supposed to be. This is something to use for making soups or just drinking a hot cup (with a bit of salt added). I put them in the freezer. I have to get over my fear of the pressure cooker. I could totally can these so that they can go in the cabinet. I will do some major research before I do it. I cannot believe I have never done this before.

  Okay, I just whizzed this post thru in no time. That is what happens when you have a proper keyboard. You do not feel like murdering your Dell cause it keeps deleting your thoughts. I have to go now anyhoo. Kid #2 will be done with work soon. I have to go out in the dark cold night to fight her. Then I will come home to try on my first pair of Lularoe leggings. Yes, I fell into the LuLa hole. These are what I got. Arent they sweet?
Have a great week! Try to make a snow angel if you get a chance!