Annual planting and other shit

Mexican heather

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Is that a sweet Mexican heather  plant? I went to Lowe`s yesterday to get a steam cleaner for the carpets and I decided to pick up a couple annuals for the pots on the front porch. One of the four new guinea impatiens just died so the pot had sat empty for a couple weeks. I just bought one of these and put it in the pot. I want to see what happens. I do not mind if I have a one off on the porch. I also picked up some Moss roses for the cone hangers. I am glad I got that done before the July 1st. I feel like I have been behind in so many things.
I think I know why.
 As I said before about the dripping out of the nose at night, I am also starting to get all foggy and cognitively fucked up. I went to the DMV on Friday because I had to pay the registration on the Jeep cause she was an illegal beagle. It was near closing time so I knew it would not be a ton of time for me to wait. I felt like such shit. I realized as I sat there that it was all the stimulation going on in the room. The noises, the talking, the people walking around, the lights, the intercom..I was so close to feeling like I was going to lose my shit. Before when this would happen, i would go lay down and it would go away. I could not do that this time. But I survived and the Jeepo is legal now. The taxes here have gotten so high that I had to pay off in installments. tsk tsk.
  So for my health, I am feeling like shit. I try to get some things done so that I can say I accomplished stuff but I cannot do like I was doing before. I cut the dogs hair, I picked up lunch for the kid, I planted, and then after I watered, I swept the front porch. There! I am done! He thinks I am cooking dinner. That is not going to happen. No way. I feel like dog shit.

 Now do not scold me...well nobody will be do not do it on the other side of the screen. I will call the ENT office in all good time. I have to get the brakes fixed on the Jeep (yes, her ass decided she needs new brakes now), I  have a sleep study coming up for my sleep apnea and THEN I will call the ENT about the ears ringing again and all that crap. The part that I hate the most is the dizziness has come back and that was one of the things I was so happy to get rid of.

Fourth of July is coming upon us this week and then next weekend is Sailfest. Summer is moving swift. Before we know it, it will be Autumn. I need to really move my savings up for the coming colder months. I want to have a good Christmas this year and I want to have oil in the tank at all times. I am just talking a blue streak huh?
Oh and we are dealing with fleas finally. Took them awhile but they have arrived. I will have the cash to get the dogs some flea treatments on Tuesday. The cats will have to wait until Friday. They do not complain as much as the dogs do.

Okay...I am done for now. I feel like I need to get into some jammie clothes and lay down for the rest of the day. Sucks. I could have done so much.

Have a great rest of your Sunday!

Love/Hate relationship with....

*I have no clue*

A  PILL!!!

 Okay, this diuretic is good and bad at the same time. I want to keep taking it because it sort of helps me. Maybe as the weeks go on, it will get better. I am still having major issues with super loud noises but the pill isnt being taken for those.
 My ass is melting away which I am totally for! I love it. I hate that my scale needs a strange battery that I have to go to Home Depot to get (Friday) but I digress. My clothes are hanging off me more. I am happy about that.  But my appetite is in the dumpster. Which is also good but partly bad. I have to like remember to eat. Ditto with the drinking of water. This is a diuretic so you have to drink plenty of water or end up dehydrated and in the hospital.  I hate that the pill makes me feel loopy because it has worn off and I cannot take it until lunch time because the Crestor and the Diuretic do not mix. Sounds strange, I know. I just feel really crappy most of the time. Worse then usual. I do not know if that is the pill OR the other thing in my head. I have times during the day when I feel good. Makes me think that the pill really is working for the Meniere`s. The ringing quiets down a bit. I notice it and it is nice. But then the other thing shows it is boss.  I was stopped at light and a big fucking moving truck pulled up next to me. The vibrating noise of the engine and gears made my head feel funny so I quickly closed the window. Then I was fine.
Jesus, I do not want that surgery! I dont! It is scary! I have always felt crappy but ever since the weird incident that sent me the ear dr, I have not been the same. This is a new kind of crappy that I want to go away...NOW!
 The computer is still being a piece of shit. I am working on getting rid of whatever virus is still in here. It never left from the last time. I can feel it.
I have been trying to work on the dollhouse but my head is still too fuzzy sometimes. I am not abandoning it, I am just slow going with it.  I made that batch of strawberry jam. Looks good. I need to make some more soon but I have to buy supplies. Life goes on as planned around here.

So yeah..I am losing the weight. Makes me smile. I need to smile more often.

Day two is a little better

Stock photo courtesy of Greenleaf Dollhouses

I am feeling better then yesterday. I still feel loopy but not as much. Like yesterday was 100% loopy and today is like 50%..so this is a good thing. I noticed that the ringing in my ears is good but in the later evening, it comes back with a roar. I hope that is just because I started taking it. I like that it is kind of silent in my head. I am still feeling funky so that could be the inner ears or the pill or a little of both. So far, 2nd day is way better then the first.
 I have noticed that I am not very hungry. I read that loss of appetite is a side effect. I hope it is a long lasting one. I ate lunch and now i am going to eat dinner but I have had no snacks or even wanted to. Love that part of it!

 I have been working on a half scale Greenleaf Rosedale. One of my mini friends started to build one and I got the itch. Then I found out another friend is building it so I have two people to help me if I get stuck. I am at first floor and I am painting the stairs...if you have ever done and you know what I am talking about. I tried to put the 2nd floor on and that was a disaster. I hope it is better fitting tomorrow.
   Going to eat dinner and relax for the rest of the evening. Hope day three is even better.

I can`t hear you Sonny!

*265*

I went to the ENT today. I had hearing tested with audiology and I had a couple other tests to check my balance. Torture! Torture I tell you.
 The tests and what I told him revealed a few things. I have mild Meneire`s disease which I knew. He thinks I have some brain swelling. It may be because of vestibular migraines but he cannot be sure because the dizziness could be from other things. He gave me a diuretic for that and let`s cross fingers that it works!
Then he gave me the bad news. He said I may have something called Superior Canal Dehiscence Syndrome or SCDS. Here is a Wiki about it.  It is basically a hole in the bone that covers the top part of your inner ear. I have only had one instance of this weird dizzy spell that happened after I heard a loud noise. And I have been having more headaches. I see him in 6 weeks. If in that time, it happens again, I have to tell him. Then I will have a cat scan and talk of surgery. Scary surgery! Like they drill holes in your skull and push your brain back..okay I do not want to talk about that right now. I am tired. It has been a long day but I figured I would share. I am going to try to relax for a bit. My day will not be done till after dark.

Toodles

Ahhh! September!

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 Ahhhh Choo! My allergies are kicking up again. Fall is coming. I can tell. I will be okay. Once all the leaves are bagged and stashed up in the top yard, I will be right as rain.

Natalie signed up for school on Monday. She starts on September 4, the day after Labor Day. She is going to school in the mornings, not early, so that she can finish quicker then when she was taking them at  night. She just wants to get it done. Her guidance counselor told her that is she stayed the course and got alot done this first semester (Sept-Dec), she could finish by June of next year. So this year and she will be done. YES!

   For some strange reason, I have had some bursts of energy this past week. And it is not knocking me down like it usually does. I wonder if it has to do with my hormones or that my sugars are in balance more now then ever. Or a combo of things. I have been nesting dammit. I haven't been like this since I was a younger Mom. My house was never perfection but I always made sure the living room, kitchen, and the bathrooms were clean for sanitary reasons and when people came over. Always. Plants were always watered, kitchen was basically clean. Now the bedrooms could be another story but you can close the door. Now, I have not moved into my former self and I would NEVER say I was in remission cause that would be a big letdown if I wasn't...I am just enjoying the *manic* of the moment and know that it will not last long.
 Both of the girl`s have man friends and one of them is going to be coming to the house in the second week of September. I am not saying who cause that is her business right now. But yeah, so every day I have been doing something around here. Deep fucking cleaning. My house is no where near perfection and until I get the subfloors replaced and new flooring, it will always smell like dog (it has since we moved it, worse now). So that embarrasses me. But I digress. The dude is coming. Nothing I can do about that.

  I have been having issues with my Meniere`s Disease lately. I was diagnosed about 6 years ago. It has always been on the mild side but not anymore. It has slowly been creepying up on me the last 6 months or so. I have done really well for years in controlling it but watching my salt intake. I would have like one attack a year, if that. Now I am dizzy alot. I do not have true vertigo, thank goodness! But the ENT warned me that it would get more intense.
 The kicker for me was I was sitting here at the computer, I heard a loud noise outside, and it triggered me to feel like I was moving when I wasn't. It was a weird feeling that I cannot describe. I stood up and for a second I thought maybe we were having an earthquake (they happen here) but I looked out the side window and saw my neighbor. He was pulling metal patio furniture across the cement patio (scraping). That was the noise and that triggered my *attack*. I had not felt well for days and I thought I was getting sick with a cold or something. I even puked.  I just couldn't shake it off. Then this happened. Afterward, I realized it was a MD attack and I rested and I felt better after a couple hours. You can read all about Meniere`s Disease<----here. So I have an appointment with my ENT in New Haven on the 7th. We will make a bit of a day. Go to Dr, go to Ikea, go to lunch, and the bakery, and Oh..Pick up the man friend from the train!

  I have another bit of news. I knew about this back in May but I did not know for sure until this week. I am going to try to  go back to work. Sometime this week I need to go over to Social Security and inform them that I want to try their program. You can be on disability and go back to work. I discussed it with my boss and I think I can reasonably work 3 hours a day Monday-Thursday. I do not want to over do it. This is me putting a baby toe in the pond of the workforce to see if I can do a small, non stressful part time job. It is a small shop, I will be answering his phones, and doing some work in the shop (prepping stuff). When there is down time, he is going to teach me how to play guitar. I already brought ours over there. He is going to string it and tune it and I will be all set. It is part of my employment. LOL I always wanted to learn, so I am taking the chance. 
 It took awhile to transpire because the city that the shop was in was making him and his partner jump through hoops to open. They finally got the signage okay on Monday. He has to get some work in to build up the money for the business (he is popular around the area with what he does) and I can start work mid-end of September.
I am uber psyched. He knows I am on disability and he told me the job is not stressful on your mind, body or soul. Since I do not need more hours or insurance, that saves them.  I will be able to make enough to replace the money that was lost when Natalie turned 18, and if I only work so many hours, I can collect and work indefinitely. If I find that I could work way more, and make way more, then I will and we will see what happens to SS. I am not going to go down that road right now. If you or someone you know is on Social Security Disability and is thinking they want to go back to work, there are tons of different publications online that will point you in the right direction.


  I am going to a BBQ with old high school friends on the 1st. There will be Mojitos. I just need to make sure that I keep an eye on my carb load, my alcohol consumption and my sugars. I will be a good dooby. My friend does not live in the same town so I will have a bit of a drive home if I start feeling shitty. Oh and do not worry about me. I never drink and drive. Ever. I am a huge stickler about that shit.
The only other thing that I can think of about next month is Sept 1st the Cider Mill opens. And you all know how I love me some apple cider, pumpkin bread, and cider donuts. Oh and they make cider slushies too. Sooooo Gooood!


That is all that is fit to print. Lots of activity around here. I want this house to be as clean as it can for this strange man child that is coming to court our daughter. Fred is ready to scare the shit out of him with his mean face. He has already scared off one dude. One did not like at all!


Now where is my Magic Eraser???

Vomitrocious! Is that a word?

Don't you wish puke was that magical?

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I have not been complaining about my gut lately because it has been fine and dandy. Until after I got that head cold. Now every single day I feel like crap. It does not matter what I eat or do not eat, I feel nauseated.
 I THOUGHT I was having a Meneire`s attack last week but did I? Or is this what is plaguing my gut coming back to haunt me. Now you could say that maybe it is Meneire`s all along. But that disorder is very specific. You know when it hits you and it is awful! That is why I think it pretty much was. I had the ringing in my ears, dizzy, nauseated, basically the whole shebang!  It is sick! I need to lay off the food for now.
Do not worry. I am not gonna starve myself. I just have to stop eating full meals. Eat a little bit until this passes. I have been drinking that god awful orange crap the whole time. I may have missed a day or two but basically I have been drinking it every week.
 I am having the ablation next week and I do not want to get all wrapped up in the Gastro right now. He will want to do more expensive tests that I cannot afford.
So yeah, I feel like shit AGAIN. I have a new symptom too. Sometimes when I eat, I get sharp pains in the top of my stomach. I wonder if it truly is my gallbladder. The pain IS in my stomach, no doubt about that but it is sharp. Scared me a bit and made me sit up and take notice.


 I feel like puke.

Walking does a body good

My good friend, A. asked me if I wanted to take a walk on the boardwalk at the beach this afternoon. Of course I wanted to go. It has been a gorgeous weekend here in Old CT and I needed to kick start my new life plan. There is nothing better then hearing the clop clop clop of your feet on the wooden board walk. A. and I talked and walked for a mile..I think. She was paying attention..I was not. I can be a major nosey assed looky loo when it comes to being out in public. Once we were done, we parted ways, and I was on my way home.
  I have to talk about some things that a lot of you do not know about me. I have been dealing with many health issues over the past few years besides the diabetes. Many of my friends know what I have gone through but I have mostly kept it to myself. I do not want pity. I just wanted to let you know that there are going to be days where you could shove a firecracker up my ass..I aint doing nothing! That is not me being lazy.
  Ten years ago I found out I had diabetes by accident. I was in the ER because I was sick as a dog. They did blood work and came in and told me matter of factly. You just tell someone they have a morbidity disease like you are telling them the time of day. Golly Gee!, thanks Doc. At the same time, my Mother was going through the end stages of Parkinson`s disease and complications from Diabetes. I was a mess. And I was sick and very tired. I started having weird pains in my legs or in my hands. I was cold or I was hot. Many Drs told me there was nothing wrong with me. "You just need to change jobs" said one. I was directed to a specialist in NYC and I finally got an answer. I had Fibromyalgia  and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I deal with the pain fine. I am in pain every single day of my life but it is a part of me now. If I complain about pain, it is because it is a bit harsher then usual. The fatigue and brain fog is what I hate but it is also a part of me.  I got over it and I moved on. I learned to pace myself and rest when I needed to. I never promised because I did not know what tomorrow would bring. Then three years ago I was diagnosed with Meneire`s disease. I would not wish that disease on my worst enemy. I have found a couple good friends online that are dealing with it also. We can just give each other support. I have had a couple surgeries not including the herniated disc. The newest trick out of the funbag is now I have plantar fasciitis in both feet! Fuckers! The right foot is doing really well. I have been stretching the hell out of it. The left foot has a way to go. So I am walking long distances with majorly painful heels.  All this shit is wrong with me but I still smile. I still crack jokes. I swear like a sailor. I will give you my last dollar. I am a loyal friend. I can bake my ass off.
But I am also different then most 41 year olds.  So I am going to have down time. My youngest and I had already talked about this in terms of going to the gym. Right now I can only do it every other day. I cannot do everyday. I need the next day to recoup. I would be crippled if I did it everyday. I tell ya, if I was ever on the Biggest Loser..I would slap the shit out of Jillian if she caught me some attitude cause my ass was tired. Oh yes I would. That would be the only muscle in my body that would still be working. hehehe
There are going to be days when I am just not going to do it. I will be honest if I am just being lazy. And I will be honest if I am in pain .

That walk was real good. But I am going to pay for it tonight. I can already tell. I am going to be hobbling to the bathroom. Good thing I have stuff to grab onto.
Oh Mama!