My beliefs in saving for the hubs and I were reinforced on Wednesday. Let`s just say some ungrateful things were said by some spoiled as shit dependents towards the Hubs. The Hubs was about to leave at night during a nor`easter to stay somplace else. I cried like a baby. He stayed. We are done. I cooked the entire meal myself except for the sweet potato pie up there. Kid #1 made it. And Hubs and I ate our dinner alone. They ate after we were done. Yup. Oh and I fell down the icy porch steps with a big bag of garbage. The bag kept it`s integrity. I am so SORE. I will survive though.
Fuck taking them to the nutcracker. Fuck buying them gift cards to go along with their presents. They will get the meager stuff that I bought. That is it. I could care less about the tree. If they want it, they can put it up. I am ready for this bullshit farce of a holiday with ungrateful children to end. Come on January!
Today I took myself all the resale sites on FB but one. Just in case I need something in the future, I have that resource. All those locals selling shit is dangerous to my plan.I made it so I wont get notifications either. That is one more part of my plan for the new year. I want to spend nothing. Pay off bills. And then save.
If you buy a very large boneless pork roast (LARGE like two arm fulls) for $12, is that a splurge? The roast was not on our list but it was so cheap that we had to!
I am a bit sad about Robin Williams. He made me very happy when I was down. I always knew he felt the same way I did most of the time. That is what funny people are like. Happy on the outside. I hope that he has some peace now.
I have been slowly purging and cleaning today. I HATE cleaning up after other people. I HATE being asked to do shit but never get anything in return. Ugh. I cleaned the ds bathroom because it was awful. I dont use it unless I have to pee really bad. That is the kid`s bathroom. They are 20, 21, and 25 but refuse to pull out the Ajax to scrub the tub. I wait till I cant take it anymore. I want my empty nest dammit!
I went to the endo yesterday thinking it was my 3 month diabetes check. uh huh. It was a physical. He gave me a new insulin to see if that helps with the itch. He also set me up with a nutritionist to get my food life in order. I asked him to give me the full truth about my fatty liver. He said that I have n.a.s.h. He said that most people with it, never know it. There is a small subset of people that it could progress to cirrhosis of the liver. He wouldn't say if he thinks I could be in that subset. He is a very straightforward person. He will fucking tell you. So I think he cant answer it but he didn't say I wouldn't be. I have symptoms and pain. He said no more booze, no OTC pain relief, and lose weight. That is what will help reverse it. I am going to rely on my instincts. If I dont change, I will have major liver issues.
That being said, I am back to what I started last year. Same time of year, Same station. I will eat the way I was supposed to stick to all this time PLUS I will give up all carbonated beverages. Something about them weakens the flap that closes off the esophagus to the stomach. I have a six pack of orange that I will enjoy this weekend and that will be that.
Same eating as before. Low carb meaning no pasta, rice, potatoes, or breads. Lots of veggies and fruits. Low fat meaning lean or no beef, lean or no pork. Much poultry and fish. Lots of fish! Tofu and limited eggs. Limited dairy but I will consume some but low fat. I will use vegan substitutes when I can. Soy milk and Almond milk. Low carb grains, nuts, seeds, and powders. Salads up the wazoo. So if I have a chicken burger..it will be with no bread but a salad instead. You all know what I attempted before. I lost 30lbs and kept it off.
First goal is 210. I have 35 lbs to go. I could probably accomplish that buy Christmas. Back to the gym. Back to walking..bump heel or not. This is not a experiment this time. I have to do it forevah!
I am basically talking to myself at this point. I know I have people that read this but nobody replies. So this whole thing is splayed out for me. If you are one of those hateful bitches...you know who you are...<---I know you hate when I do that...Fuck off! Keep your snide thoughts to yourself. I hardly think of you unless I post something like this one here. . Why not go make your husband happy for once, fuck him, and stop being so bitter.
^^ That was menopause at it`s best.
Great cool weather out there. I am going to get off here and start some laundry.
*You are a fucking douche. And a dildo for that matter.* . Fucking asshat
I will leave those up. I still feel this way about this person and I think I always will. But the rant is gone and I do not want to leave that nastiness up. Some of you know that I have done this before.
I get the rant out..let it air out in the breeze and then I delete it. I have been told once when I did this this, that of course I NEVER EVER do that and I was a liar. That was a trouble making uppity bitch who said that so we will let her think she is right--------> over there, away from me.
Back to regularly scheduled programming.
It is good to know that something that was given from the kindness of my heart was turned around and sold for a profit. You just made it so that I will think twice before helping or giving to anyone again. I know that the item was yours to do with as you wanted. But I feel you sold it out of genuine spite. Don't worry! This is all the energy and blogging I am going to spend on you. I just wanted to let you know that I would never do that to you and the gifts you gave to me. I am not made like that. I appreciate things even if they are a wee bit tainted.
My question is this. Why did you do it to the other person too? She never did a damn thing but be NICE to you! For THAT you should be completely ashamed.
I do not feel good so I will make this short. Supposedly in the fine print of our insurance contract last year, it said that we agree to take this insurance and we lose the ability to have fees from other hospitals waived. So Yale wants me to pay $1500. My good old friend at OUR benefits office said that we cannot have the waiver of the fee because we chose the insurance we chose. Some fine print bullshit there. They told me to make a payment plan or find another Dr closer. I want to kick them in the crotch is what I want to do. Not because of what they had to tell me, but how they delivered it. You have known me for years but you are gonna treat me like joe schmo. That person will get the finger the next time I see them.
I have not cried so hard in my life. I need this surgery ASAP and I do not have $1500. I am not borrowing it. I do not have a credit card with that much on it. And I am not doing a payment plan. They will want more a month then we can afford. So I called my neurosurgeons office (the one that did my back). They could tell I had been crying. They got me an appointment to see him this Wednesday. I called the diagnostic place in New Haven and after some faxing, they are mailing my cat scan cd to my neuro`s office tomorrow. Fred talked to his really good friend that used to work in the OR with this surgeon. He has done 1000s of craniotomies. He did a wonderful job taking care of my back so I trust him fully!
I wish I was having it done by Dr Kveton but this is a good alternative. I hope he says he can do it.
We have a guest staying for a couple days and I just cannot clean the house. Natalie did the bathroom downstairs but I just cant get myself to do anything. My brain is so scrambled. I have been crying. I am a mess.
I do not even think I can cook dinner. My wish is to just go to bed.
Hopefully tomorrow I will feel much better! The saga continues.....
I have to agree with what my friend Deb said to me a little bit ago. I am in the beginnings of my Autumn Fibromyalgia flare. It happens twice a year. I have been ignoring the fact that it is coming. I have been continually feeling more crappy as the days move on. I have SO MUCH TO DO but my body and mind wont let me. I want to cry.
I am having a mini meltdown today. I think it is the flare and all the changes going on. Next month we lose $490 from Social Security forever, Netflix boned everyone up the ass with streaming and dvds, my local newspaper, The Day, has now started charging to read the paper online and now Facebook has screwed up the feeds. I am not good with change. Okay, I am good with some change but when everything is thrown at me at once, I do not do well.
Okay, now I am crying. My family does not do jack to help me around the house but the continually want me to do for them. What`s for dinner? Fuck! Make me fucking dinner for once!
I am constantly sleeping and I have a cough that is worrying me but the Dr does not think anything of it so i guess it should be fine.
My house smells of dog that needs a bath, my fridge smells of something citrusy icky, there is laundry, vacuuming, bathrooms, linens, organizing (because I organize shit like a bookshelf and then SOMEONE comes over and fucks it up and does not put it back the way I had it). I am sick to death of all the fucking clutter. And it isnt even mine!! There are bills to be paid, papers to shred, books to pack into totes cause there is no fucking room. It is just constant. I am embarrassed by it all. My family says it does not matter and that when people come over they do not think anything of it. BULLSHIT! If I went to someones house and it looked like ours, I would wonder why Mom was lax in her duties. So that is just a line they say to get out of doing anything. All I get are complaints and demands. The economy needs to fucking change cause I am tired of living like this.
Boy, can you tell I do not feel good? And I have to go to Family therapy tomorrow. Woop de doo lala!
I am going to steal the laptop and go to bed. End of fucking story. Fuck you Zuckerberg!
