Thursday, January 31, 2013

Freakishly Spring like Thursday

It is close to 50 deg f right now where I am. The sun is out too. I want to enjoy it. Too bad the ground is wet. I would so clean up the yard today if it wasnt for that. Tomorrow will be back to the cold winter temps. Today I plan on sitting out on the front porch with a beverage and enjoying the freak day of Spring.
 As some of you already know, I have an affinity for Valentine`s Day and also for pin ups. Not the newer girls that are pretending to be pin ups either. Old school 1920, 30s, 40s, and a bit of Betty Page. I will mix it up this month with girls and also vintage childhood Valentines.

I have come to the conclusion that I am going to have to eat very differently, like I have said over and over and over again.
I was discussing with a friend last night. Because of my diabetes, cholesterol issues, high blood pressure in my family, heart disease in my family, and now my losing my gallbladder (supposedly)..I have to change what I eat if I want to live longer. I do not want to wake up in the middle of the night with pains in my chest. That is like my worst fear.
 Her husband is eating differently and I am going to talk to him about it. He has researched and he is going to be eating the way that I should.

Vegan (no dairy, eggs, animal at all), low carb (no white bread, rice, pasta or very starchy vegs), low fat (low fat everything , no fried foods), some juicing or non dairy smoothies to add protein into the day like adding a green smoothie for like breakfast, and eating some raw foods every day. And gotta give up the diet soda.
 There is also the fact that I should stay away from some gluten. I would not become a fanatic about it but it does mess with my gut. So that would require brown rice, multigrain breads, and pastas.

That is a tall order. I am going to get some help in this because it is just too much to go over. I have to be able to eat and not be starving, not missing any nutrients, but not over do it on the carbs to compensate. My blender sucks ass and I cannot afford or justify the purchase of a Vitamix so we shall see what I can do about that.
See..the girls just said they want to have Moe`s for dinner. They are going to pay their way. I will have a hard time eating anything on that menu with the list of things I can and cannot eat. I think they offer tofu as a protein source but no fake cheese..
I will figure it out.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Happy Happy Happy Birthday!

   Today is Fred`s birthday. He is an old man today but he will always be the sweet 20 yr old that I met all those years ago. So far he has said that he is having a good day. He went out and bullshitted with some friends, drove around in the rental car, and picked up side dishes for his dinner.
 Two things about his birthday dinner. I was able to get his favorite eatery to make baked mac and cheese but the also made a big pot of beans with pulled pork inside. Oh so fucking good! Then I am making his chicken wings. I also made dip, bought chips, and made a big veggie platter. I was supposed to bake a cake today. I did not. I woke up last night feeling really badly sick. I am sort of better now but not 100%. So we all collectively said that getting cupcakes from the Cake Lady is just as good. No cake needed. We can all pick a flavor and we will all be happy. The kid gets off work around 7ish so we can all pig out then.

  He heard from his Mother and from his God Mother. All is good in his world. A happy dinner at home with his family is good to him. We did the going out thing at the beginning of the month so this is the best for the end.

Now I have to plan if we are celebrating the Kid`s birthday next month. She might not be here. That will be a first!

Six more days till HIDA Scan.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Better than Cream Cheese is a lie

See her gallbladder surgery scar?

   I love having a bagel with cream cheese. Cream cheese hurts me now. So I reverted back to the days when the kid was a vegan and I bought Tofutti Better than Cream Cheese. It is NOT better. Granted, I am eating it and I am not in pain or sick but it does not have that sour like turned quality that cream cheese has. They need to find a way to add that in to be more realistic. I will use it though because I like having my schmear. The sad part is I cannot even revert to peanut butter instead. FML But if you decide for health or whatever reasons not to eat dairy anymore, Tofutti brand is a good choice. There are other better choices out there in brands but Tofutti is the one you will see most in the grocery stores. Most stores do not put them in a special section. They are in the fridge case with the other sour creams and cream cheeses. Give it a try if you want to get a little healthier. I just had to say that if you are expecting an exact replica, you will be disappointed.

  My gb has been a bitch last night and into this morning. Sharper in the pain category. My hida scan is on the 4th so it is coming quick. I am tired of feeling like this on a daily. I have changed my diet a lot and I still suffer. I was talking to a homeopath the other day at the co-op. She had her gb out about 8 years ago. She was like me. No attacks at all, just the constant pain. The hida scan showed that her gb just stopped working. She said that could be my issue. Not dealing with stones but the gallbladder just taking a permanent siesta. That happens to people. Nothing you did or didn't do. She said it had to go. It was about 2-3 years before her gastrointestinal adjusted. Now she is a healthy eater anyway but she did notice there were many things she could not eat. But eventually it got better. I am going to hold onto that dream. I will have to stick to eating better but eventually if I wanted to, I could have the rare occasion of a steak. Hopefully.

Today I am going to pick up around the downstairs and make dinner with Fred. I have no idea what we are cooking. I have not thought about it. I do know that after I am done here, I am going down to the basement to get the frozen strawberries for defrosting. I have regular and jalapeno jam with strawberries to make tomorrow.

  It is still cold as all get out today. It has slowly gotten better but very bitter. My skin and hair are dry. I am going to do a coconut treatment today also. I just take the jar of coconut oil, put some in my hands, warm it up, and spread in my hair. You want to coat from scalp to ends. Then I just tie the hair up in a top knot on my head and go about my business in the house. Later tonight, I will take a shower and wash it out. My hair will be all flowy tomorrow. I do them about once a month now. It snowed but we barely got an inch of it. They were thinking we were going to get feet of snow and it was a dud. It will slowly warm up. There is going to be snow on Monday but the next day it will be in the 40s so it will be gone as fast as it came.

 I guess I have blabbed enough for this time around. I had not talked for a bit so figured I would do some catch up. Hope you have a great weekend ahead. The sun is shining brightly!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Permafrosted ass

Right now at 7:50pm est it is 14 deg F but feels like it is 3 deg F in my part of Connecticut.
 I was able to order some oil today and they delivered this evening. It is a good thing because we had less than a quarter of a tank and I was worried we would run out. The portable heaters alone are not cutting it today at all. Okay, I just turned the heat up to low 60s. I think it is extra cold because I am sitting by the big fucking hole in the wall that is the back french doors. It used to be a old 70s era sliding glass door and we replaced it a few years ago. Not very energy efficient but better than a door that would stick open or closed. is fucking cold in here!
Unfortunately, I have to pick up Fred at 11pm from work tonight. I forgot to mention that his friend accidentally sideswiped the car (not the Jeep) a couple days ago and he cannot drive it cause the front bumper and light are just kinda hanging in limbo there.The dude`s insurance is gonna fix it soon. Probably take it in tomorrow or Friday to start the work. Not a huge deal but it is when I have to take someone to work and pick their ass up when the new Ice Age is going on outside!
  Thankfully because of said oil delivery, I will be able to take a nice hot soak in the tub later after I pick up the man from the job.
It is going to warm up next week anyhoo. We can survive a few days of subzero temps. I hope. Not fit for any living thing out there tonight.

8:09pm est it is now 13 deg F and feels it is 2 deg F in my part of Connecticut.

I turned off the portable heater here in the dining room and turned the heat up until the thermostat went click. Now we better start getting some heat action going on. Oh, I hear the water filling the pipes in the baseboards. This is a good sign.  *sniff* I smell the heat now. You know that smell? I wish heating my home was not such a damn luxury.

  I am going to make strawberry and strawberry jalapeno jam this weekend. I have to send some off to family and I have a couple people that want to buy some. I hope I have enough jars to complete the mission. I better check tomorrow. It will give me something to do if I end up with a buttload of snow Friday and Saturday. They (weather peoples) have not said exactly how much because they really do not know.

Ahhh! I am feeling oh so much better. It is warming up in here. Life is good. I do not feel like my fingers are gonna fall off.

Now it says that it feels like 1 deg F outside in my part of Connecticut. Brrrr!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Raw salmon smells like.....

Cat Piss! I smells very fishy.

Warning! this video is funny but full of swear words and vulgarities. Some of you may not appreciate it as much as I did.  There is actually a good recipe hidden in there. Fred was laughing his ass off watching it and trying to follow the recipe. There are a whole series of videos here for your viewing pleasure.

  Natalie and Raymond were going to make this meal before he left but it never happened. So Natalie and I went to the store, picked up some very expensive asparagus, baby spinach for spinach with garlic, and some yellow rice. Fred had the night off so we all did it together. What started out to make her really sad because of it reminded her of her boo,instead made her really happy because she cooked a dish and we all helped. I am glad we did it and I am hoping the meal with become a regular on our dinner plates. I am waiting for Chelsea to get off work before I eat.
I need to eat more fish cause of my stomach issues so I am going to have salmon tonight for the very first time. I am hoping it tastes good. The smell when it came out of the package was kind ewww! But I am going in with an open mind.

I hope it is not freezing where you are like it is here. If it is, Stay warm and enjoy your evening!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Life Wanted. Inquire Within

I used to love painting furniture. What happened?

I know I said I was not coming back for awhile but Fuck blog..I do what I want! :)
 I was told last night that I needed to get a life. If I am crying over a boy that isnt even mine, What is going to happen when the girls leave?
 I took that two ways. The first is my husband is an asshole. He is telling me I shouldn't be crying over Rainbow cause he is not mine to cry over. He is just Natalie`s friend and not family. And he told me that I needed to get a plan in place of what the hell I am going to do when everyone is gone and it is just him and I. He will be at work. I cannot work a job. So what am I going to do all day and night?

  Then I thought of the second way after I stopped thinking that this man really needs to learn how to choose his words. I can cry all I want over Rainbow but it isn't going to bring him back. He is gone to kick start his life and I have to get over that. He did not leave US because he didn't love us. He left so that he can go to school, get a degree, get a great job, and get the fuck away from his father. We will visit and hopefully he will visit. By that time, the house will be in more order.
That is my plan.
 My LIFE is going to be fixing up this house.
I am not going into specifics but we are going to get some funding in the summer. We are going to secure enough to get the hard wood floors done here on the first floor. I need to paint the living room, dining room and the kitchen. There is tile work that can be done. I have furniture I can re-upholster and paint. We are going to get new to us living room couches and hopefully one of them will be a pull out. That way, if he comes to visit..He has a place to rest his head. I need to get these things started. I need to first decide on the colors for the rooms before I start painting furniture. I have quite a few pieces that need to be done. Another thing I want is to have someone build me two tall bookshelves for the living room. I have always wanted them but never did them. We have baseboard heaters so the shelves have to kind of work around them. 

 Anyway, I need to get a life and that is going to start now.
My living room is chocolate brown with white trim. I want it to be lighter. I have not decided yet. The dining room and kitchen are basically a school bus yellow with white trim. I do not want yellow of any sort in here at all. I do not want to do red either. I was thinking blue for the kitchen and dining room.

All in good time. I just thought I would let you all know that i am still crying but not as much and I am building a plan for this next phase of my life.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

He is gone/Mini blog break

  Rainbow left late last night and he just arrived at his destination about a half an hour ago. I have been crying off and on since last night. Eventually the sadness will go away, I know this. Just very hard to say goodbye.
 So I have gotten next to nothing done around here. It is a nice sunny Saturday and I am still in my jammies. I have drank coffee and I had lunch of soup. That is about all I have done. Oh and I cried. Natalie has been crying too. It is to be expected.
 Last night I ate way too much food because of this sadness and I paid for it. My stomach felt like shit all night long.

 Normally, I would be telling you how I am going to do this and do that and do this. But I think I am just going to wallow. I did sweep the dining room. And I piled shit in the sink to wash the dishes. *eating the last three Oreos* <---I am making a mistake but I do not give a shit!

yeah..I just walked away for an hour and forgot I was posting. I think I am going to stay away from the blog for a little while. Give me a few days to be sad but not spread it around like the damn flu. I will most definitely be back on before my nuclear testing is done.

Ciao for now!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Hard to swallow

I realized after I had my lunch a little bit ago that my life could change forever and I need to come to terms with that. I had a can of Campbell`s chicken noodle soup and six Ritz crackers. That is it. That is usually the go to meal when you are sick on the couch with the yucks. I had just finished eating and realized I had to go to the bathroom. I have read about this symptom. It happens to you after you get your gallbladder out. Sometimes your bile cannot digest the food and you get the dumping syndrome that gastric bypass patients deal with.
  I have to learn how to eat things that do not have grease and fats. I have to learn to cook that way too. Now, I do not constantly eat fatty foods all day every day but I admit I eat things like tacos once a week. That is fat fat fatty. I did not think of it that way because I usually only had a bit of meat and the rest veg and cheese and some sour cream. I cannot indulge in those either.
This is not a whine fest at all. I am just really coming to terms that I have to learn to eat healthy or else. I have to cut the bad carbs out of my life and only eat the good carbs. I have to eat a low fat, high fiber, low carb life. And I have to walk my ass off every single day because I cannot afford to gain anymore weight. Once I have the surgery and I am healed enough, I am going to buy a new pair of sneakers and drag Fred along.
   Two nights ago I made dinner for Rainbow. The kielbasa rice and beans. It was a good meal and it made me monumentally sick. I did not get awful, god help me pain...but I was sick all night and into the next day.
 Dinner will be interesting tonight. Cooking in my crockpot is my spaghetti sauce with sweet Italian sausages. This is to go over shell pasta. For ME though is a different story. I am going to have pieces of white breast chicken that are stir fried with limited spice (salt and pepper) with mushrooms and fresh green beans. That is it. That is what I am going to have to learn to LOVE. Bland.

I was trying to find an example of how I should be eating NOW and how I am going to have to eat after. It took me a bit but I did find something.

Upon arising: 
 A glass of lukewarm water with lemon
Fresh fruit and vegetables, steel cut oats with two egg whites mixed in (and then cook) and a big glass of water.
Fresh vegetable juice with fat-free yogurt
 Vegetable soup, a large salad consisting of vegetables in season with dressing of lemon or canola oil. Fresh fruit for dessert, if desired.
 Fresh wild pacific salmon, one or two lightly cooked vegetables, baked yam or brown long grain rice or whole-wheat wheat tortilla
 Other foods to avoid
 All meats, egg yolk, animal fats, sugar, white flour, all products made from them processed and denatured foods, fried and greasy foods, refined carbohydrates, alcohol, tea, spices, condiments, pickles and smoking. Avoid carbonated beverages. Low fat dairy such as skim milk, low fat cheese, and low fat sour cream. Leaner meats are best if you are going to partake. And lots and lots of fruits and vegetables added for extra fiber.

Two things. I hate sweet potatoes unless they are in pie. And I have never eaten salmon before. I assume it is expensive. The way this is going to go is, I am going to have to eat one way, and they are going to have to eat another way. I am going to have to eat alot of fruits and vegetables. There is only so much money in the food budget. I am the one that is in pain, so my diet supersedes the junk that they like.
I am not going to get depressed over this. I just have no idea how to cook salmon. What the fuck does it taste like?
Just going to have to try really hard and ease my way into this. Ugh!

Blah Blah Blah

This song always makes me feel happy for some reason. It is called Genius of Love from the Tom Tom Club. Weird thing is, I still remember most of the words.

I am having one of those blah kind of days. Life kinda sucks but it doesnt suck. It is winter, it is cold, mid week (no money), and things in life can never fall into place. Why cant some people just get their lives together?

I could clean but I really do not want to.
I could bake or cook but I wont be able to eat it.
I was thinking of just making some spaghetti sauce with sausage in the crockpot. Easy Peasy. Rainbow leaves tomorrow so this can be like his real last meal with us. I am sad that he is going but glad that he is getting his life together. I wish that was true for others.

This post is a NON post except for the video. :)  I am just not feeling it today. I am not depressed in the Air Quotes sense because I am a chronically depressed person. I am just a bit sad, cold, and in a funk. It will go away after awhile.

I found out that soy milk and cereal do NOT hurt my gallbladder. Yay me!

okay...gonna go. The PIA is up and they will start breathing for me to get off the computer.
*wishing for an empty nest...wishing for an empty nest...wishing for an empty nest*

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Kielbasa Tuesday

Mucke`s is one of the best New England smoked sausage around. There is another but for the life of me, I cannot remember the name of it. We pick up a large ring of it for Easter. My parents used to get the good smoked sausage at the butcher when I was a kid. It was cheap and good. When I was older before kids, I had put a moratorium on all kielbasa and meat in tube form. I had enough of it and I needed a break. That lasted quite a few years. Then I would bring it back for awhile. We would love it and then get sick of it and it would go away for awhile. It had been gone for about 6 years or so and I found out one day that Rainbow LOVES Kielbasa. He is supposed to be my child! He loves all the things Fred and I love. Since he is leaving on Friday, I told him that he got to pick his dinner. Tonight is polska kielbasa, Goya yellow rice, and baked beans. Three of his most favorite things, cooked together.  He is beyond happy. I am too. I love this meal. I just hope it does not hurt me.

  I got a call from the Surgeon`s office yesterday in the afternoon. The earliest day for the HIDA scan is on February 4. She apologized and I wasn't too miffed cause what are you gonna do. I will have to be there at 645am in the morning. I am assuming with an empty stomach. I also have to see the surgeon at 930am the same day. I did some reading about the scan and it can take an hour or so. I also found something else that was very informative and hilariously funny! I never thought I would laugh about what it will be like in my life without a gallbladder. The place is called PoopReport and there are about four pages of testimonials on the gallbladder subject. It made me realize that I am having the same pains as they did. Some never had an attack but sure as shit they needed their gb taken out. I read the whole thing on my phone last night. Today I go on the computer and find out that it has been reported to have Malware. I do not want to go down that road again AND I do not want you to either. So if you want to look it up on your phone, Google poop report living without gallbladder and it is at the top of the page.

  Still in pain. Still cannot eat dairy or greasy or fatty, or anything! Okay, I can eat some things. I found out that even vegetarians have to have their gallbladders out and they have just as much of an issue as meat eaters. There is something called bile salts and enzymes that I can take to make digesting easier. I will go to the health food store once I know I need the surgery.

 As for today, it is cold as a witches tit and it is going to snow/sleet/freezing rain over night. Fred will be home in time. I told him that if it is icy tomorrow morning, his ass is taking the kid to work. Not I! I do not do ice driving in any vehicle, anymore.
I am going to sit here, warm up from the heaters and in a little while get dinner started. Kid will be home at 7pm and she will be HUNGRY!

Stay warm and cozy!

Monday, January 14, 2013

It`s quiet

Rainbow is leaving on Friday. He has been a part of our family for about 4 years now. He has spent so much time in our home that he is one of us. It is sad but necessary, I guess. He is going to live with his Mom, go to school, get a job, and move in with a friend later on. He is in a dead end up here so hopefully he can find what he is looking for down there. We are going to miss him terribly. I consider him the tester kid. He is emptying my nest and it is getting me set up for when the other two leave. Then what do I do?
I cannot work a job. Fred will be at work and I will clang around this house with nothing to do. I guess I could do simple home improvement work. Ah..that is a bit of while off yet till that happens.

  It is gloomy and warm out today. I think I will wash the dogs. The little ones need it. Ruby needs it too but you have to wrestle her into the bathtub. She never goes willingly. I have Milo bugging me over here. I bought some organic catnip at the co-op. I guess he knows I am his pusher. I just gave him a pinch. He ate it off the table and now he is freaking out man!

 I am just ho hum because in four short days, our lives will be a bit different. Sad week ahead.

Still no call from the Surgeon`s office. Wonder when they are going to call with my appointments. This should be interesting.
Okay, I am off. Gotta pick up the kid and then I have a mountain of dishes. 

Sunday, January 13, 2013

OMG! Praise!

Gross, huh?

All I have to say is that I am not feeling like a Hickory Farm`s Summer sausage anymore. I could not take it so I ate something I shouldn't have. Chelsea had some left over pupusas with a very spicy slaw from Friday night. I ate that for lunch. I did not eat all of the slaw but enough to do it`s intended job. Yay to Salvadorian food!!

   I went out in the yard this morning with the dogs and it feels like early March out there. Where it is still cold but you can smell the green about to blossom. It was kind of misty out and there was dew on the grass.  Makes me want to read seed catalogs and dream.
Since the skull surgery brought my brain function back and I am more clear more scatterbrains, I am going to work very hard on the front bed that has been neglected for the past 3-4 years. I see two of those tall grass plants on either side and fill the middle in with I do not know what yet. Even the crows make me feel happy today. I am thinking of Spring. Once I get that mindset, I will feel that way as everyday get a bit longer, the sun shines a bit brighter, and the plants start to bring forth their leaves.
  Yesterday I cleaned the entire dining room, polished furniture, watered plants, scrubbed all four wooden tv trays of all stains and yuck, caught all the dust bunnies and set them free off the front porch,  washed the french door curtains and washed the 30 panes of glass in those doors. Looks good. I could do some more in here. Now, it is not a big fucking deal that I cleaned one room because jesus..I only cleaned one room. I have it in my brain to do way more but I have to take it easy so I do not hurt myself. Not only food hurts the gallbladder. Too much doing does too.

 I went out to dinner with my friend, A. Kind of a last hoorah for me in the food porn arena of eating.  We had combo plates of small steak (med rare) with a half rack of bbq ribs. I had mashed potatoes with a onion and gorganzola butter, upscale salad bar, and cup of French onion soup. So good! We both had dessert. I could not finish my slice of carrot cake. My gallbladder was hurting. Not an attack but oh girl you need to stop!

  Today is a new day. I am starting the path to better eating because I have to treat my liver well. It is the only one I have. For brunch today I have a small bowl with some grits, non dairy margarine, salt, pepper, one slice of cooked bacon crumbled, and 2 T of scrambled egg. The bacon is just a once in awhile thing. Fred opened a pack last night for baked mac and cheese so I used the rest this morning. The girls will eat it.

  As for today...I have to run to the co-op to get some supplies for Chelsea because I think she is sick. God I hope it is not the flu. Then I am going to super clean the living room, make an important phone call, and I have some ground chicken I am going to make into meatballs for dinner with some egg noodles. Yummy!

Happy Sunday!

Saturday, January 12, 2013

There is no I in the word TEAM

It is a dreary rainy Saturday. It is warmer than usual so all the heaters are off. Love that! I have learned something. International Coffees Salted Caramel Mocha creamer has not dairy in it. I can drink a cup of coffee without feeling like I am gonna woof. Yesterday we were out of regular cream so I just used that. Coffee tasted okay and did not hurt me. I was thinking maybe I was all better. I can be stupid like that sometimes. This morning I put regular cream in my coffee and I was able to sip like 3 times before I had to stop. It is the dairy that is killing my GB. And I did some reading and constipation is a sure sign you have an issue with the GB because of the lack of bile to absorb the food.
 So lucky me has some help today. Fred has the day off and he is going to help me clean house. I really need the help. I asked what his plans were for Saturday and he said helping me. *cheese*
We are going to tackle the kitchen, downstairs bathroom, litter, laundry, wash down the staircase, straighten living room, and he chose fish for dinner. I will make baked mac and cheese with Southern Indian inspired green beans. <----You can use either traditional long beans or just the green beans we are accustomed too. Most of the supplies can be found at a Raj Cash and Carry or other Indian grocery store.  I also have salad stuff.

 So why am I on the computer chatting with you all? Oh well, I am drinking some coffee to wake me up and hubs is at the store picking up a couple things before we start. So I am in idle mode. The engine is warming up.  Once I am done here, I will start in here in the dining room. Just clean off the table and sweep the floor. It is too damp to wash today. If the sun comes out tomorrow, that will be a different story. I have to be careful because when I do too much, it hurts my gut. I am hoping some extra activity will help me with my plumbing problem. I cannot remember the last time I have had this issue. That is how long it has been. It scares me cause I do not know what to do. When you have to expel a big bunch of bananas but only get rid of one single banana..that is a problem. Sorry, now you may not want a banana. But I am in constant...Uhhh! Help me! mode.

I hope your Saturday is great and that it is full of sunshine. Even if it is in your mind. I am off now to start to cleaning.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Being taken...again

I am tired of only being wanted for what I can give. I am tired of not being cared about or thought about until the last moment. I shouldn't have to cry to get your attention. I did my best to raise you and now you just treat me like I am an inconvenience.....except when I have money. Why cant  you realize that you need to grow up and live out there in the big bad world on your own?
Stop blaming me for your troubles!
Treat me with the respect and love I deserve and that I give to your freely.
One day I will not be here. Will you even miss me?

Constipated Friday


  I have that recipe for the turkey burgers. I did not forget. Ok, I did forget but I remembered. I did not add the cheese to the recipe because of my gut being pissed off at dairy right now. But it was good without it so I am guessing it will be really good with it. I was thinking of another one. You could do mozzarella cheese inside the turkey burger and then put marinara and cheese on top and have like some sort of Italian Turkey burger thing.
 I am going to get a call today from these people so that I can get an appointment for that test to see if my gallbladder is in fact fucking with me. The pain on my right side has not gone away. In the three weeks (almost) that this has been going on, everything has been moving along smoothly. For the past 2 days, not so much. Orange gritty nasty shit to the rescue. Still in pain on my side so I know I am not wasting all their time over some constipation. That would be funny. All I know is I am going to try and be positive today. I am sticking with the low carb/low fat eating because it has helped with the pain. I need to add some more roughage to the mix and I have to figure out what the hell I am going to eat every day. Salads and sliced turkey are not cutting it.

If any of you want to pop me a message to give me some new ideas of what I can eat, I would absolutely appreciate it. I will post them on here to share.

It is Friday so that means off to run errands that I do not want to run. Have a great Friday!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Hurry up and Wait

I saw the surgeon this afternoon. Nice person. He felt me up and asked lots of questions. He says that I have to have a test called HIDA scan. In this test, a radioactive material called hydroxy iminodiacetic acid (HIDA) is injected into the patient. The radioactive material is taken up by the gallbladder to measure gallbladder emptying function. This test also is referred to as cholescintigraphy. They put that crap in your body and then they do something to force your gallbladder to dance for them. If she is broken, it will show up. If she is not broken, I am fucked. Cause the next words out of his mouth were colonoscopy. Meaning there could be something wrong with my intestines or they could just say I have irritable bowel syndrome and show me the door.
 IBS is the catch all (his words) for when you do not know what the problem really is. I do not want that to happen to me. This pain just started, it sucks and I will be forever miserable if I have to live with it.
  Anyhoo..more waiting. I have to wait for the chick to call me tomorrow (friday) to schedule me for the test and to see the surgeon right afterward. So next week, the week after...doesnt seem to matter. I think because I have not had a classic gallbladder attack is the reason the office workers are acting like it is not a big deal.

Waiting sucks.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

My gallbladder is a biotch!

I have made a comprehensive list of all the foods that are good for me and not good for me after I have the gallbladder removed. I also have to be careful of my carb intake because of the diabetes. So it is going to be a tough fucking road for this chica. There are not many veggies on this list but I will slowly work my way up on some of them. I dislike that onions are on the NO list but I understand it. I can use shallots instead. So here it is....take a lookie loo.

Positive Gallbladder foods: Lean meats in moderation, skinless chicken, fish, brown rice, beets/beet powder, apples, lemon water, olive oil, flax oil, Ginger/Turmeric, whole grain, melons, grapes, berries, pears, tomatoes, carrots, all dark and leafy greens, vinegar, cucumber, whey protein powder, and soy.

Negative Gallbladder foods: Beef, Pork, processed foods, trans fats, saturated fats, greasy/fried foods, dairy, cold cuts, bacon, coffee/soda/black tea, Nuts, onions, alcohol, chocolate, sugar, white flour/pasta, oranges/grapefruit, legumes, cauliflower/broccoli, and corn.

Yeah, I copied and pasted it from Word but it looks like shit. You get the gist of it though. Artificial does not want to stay with sweeteners. I am done trying to fix it. All fixed!! 
  Now it says to avoid legumes but then it says that lentils are okay. I have seen that in quite a few listings. I know that there are lentils that become mushier as you cook them, like the red ones so I will try those. I will not go for the black lentils, those might hurt me. I will proceed with caution. Some places said lean lean meats and then others said no beef and no pork at all. Others said skinless chicken and others said no chicken at all. It has to do with the person. I am listing things I have to watch out for so that I do not end up in the toilet all weekend.

Going to be very interesting if I can give up the caffeine without killing anybody.

Happy Anniversary!!!

  Today is our 20th wedding anniversary. Nothing special going on because we celebrated over the weekend. I brought him some coffee and breakfast so that is a start. To us, it does not seem like a big deal to be together that long. We just lived each year together and here we are. Actually, in February we will have been a couple for 27 years. So we took some time and had a kid before we decided we were meant for each other. Chelsea was our flower girl in our very small JOP wedding. I cannot even find the pictures that were taken. It is safe to assume my sister has some copies but I do not talk to her so we will just say they are lost forever. He has to work, which I knew already, so no special dinner either. I couldn't eat it if I tried.

 I have been doing some research on this whole gallbladder thing. I have been bitching on here for more then a couple years that I need to change my habits and get healthy. Well, I was too damn lazy. My gallbladder did the work for me. Now I have to stay away from so many things. It is going to be trial and error with many foods. From all the sources that I have read, I may only be able to eat chicken and fish or those could make me sick also. I have to eat more fiber, more vegetables, more grains. Stay away from fried, grease, pre-packaged, processed, junk, red meat, pork, fat, deli meats, dairy, coffee, and soda. That is a short list. Basically my gallbladder is helping me do the work. If I eat something I should not, it will make me shit my pants...literally.

 I did learn quite a few things. I am going to start drinking glasses of water with lemon juice. It seems to help with flushing the liver. I learned that I could end up having laparoscopic surgery or open surgery. That matters if the gallbladder is too swollen or not. Do not want open. That is weeks of recovery. I learned that even skinny bitches that just eat grass can end up with having to have their gallbladder out. I have met some young people that have had it also. I thought it was all about getting older but it isnt. Everyone has gallstones. Not everyone will have an issue with their gallbladder.
Except me.

  I see the surgeon at 4pm tomorrow. I am super duper assuming that I am having surgery sometime in the next few days. I am going to start making a list of foods that I can eat. Not going to dwell on those that I have lost. A good friend told me to not mourn the foods you have lost. You were lucky enough to have gotten to eat them and enjoy them. Now it is time to use my skills at cooking to make bland foods more exciting for myself. I need to find a new favorite food! I am going to try to stay positive as much as possible. When I finally give up on the soda and the coffee, that is going to be really really hard. Like I said yesterday (i think), I drink just enough to keep me awake and keep the symptoms of withdrawal away.  I will deal with that mess at a later date.

I usually post what I am going to make for dinner. Honestly, I do not know. Everything hurts me. I had spaghetti with a plain tomato sauce last night. No fats at all. It was good. I felt bloated but it was good. I do not have alot of veggies in the house because Friday is grocery day. Plus I am afraid to eat. I have found a recipe for turkey burgers. I hate ground turkey but if I have to eat it to live, so be it. I think I will do a combo of turkey for me and ground beef for them. I will cook mine separate. I will make some baked potato fries in the oven too.
I have to learn to cook healthy and have it sound really good!
New lease on life...

Tuesday, January 8, 2013


Two more days until I see the surgeon about my gut. It has been a long wait. The list of bad foods keeps rising. I know that coffee is a major no-no. I drink about half a cup or less to keep the dreaded withdrawals away. Stupid i know but who wants to be sick to their stomach AND have a pounding headache. Not this chic.
 Last night was bad. My acid reflux meds did not work at all. Poor hubs had to go to 7-11 and get me some Tums. I woke up feeling sick. I had some breakfast and hopefully that will keep me upright until dinner. I eat little snacks in between. I can tolerate hard boiled eggs and half a bagel with a small amount of margarine on it. I am going to try soy milk today to see how that goes. I want to make pasta for dinner because I feel I might be able to tolerate it. Not spicy. Just good tomato pasta with maybe some cut up chicken in it.
 My post is as blah as I feel. I want to do stuff around here but I just cannot. All I want to do is lay down. It is supposed to be a gorgeous day out there today too.

So for those that have never had gallbladder issues..I have dull pain in my right side up by my ribs but even as low as my waist area. It wraps around the back. The newest thing is I will get jabs in the ribs in the front or back that will take my breath away. Almost everything that i eat or drink makes me feel like shit afterward. I can tolerate some fruits and veggies. Breads are okay. No fats whatsoever. None!
I have not had an *attack* like others have said and I hope I never do. It scares me to think I could be in childbirth pain like that. Nope! No thank you!

This is how I am. Just surviving until my consultation on Thursday.

I hope you all are having a nice spring like Tuesday!

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Coffee hurts so good

First off, I would like to say that I am 44 years old today. Happy Birthday to Me!

Secondly, I would like to confirm the title that yes, coffee does hurt my gut. I do not know if it is the coffee, the cream, or the combination. But my stomach felt good this morning when I woke up. I have not even finished my first cup and it is hurting in the front and in my back. Gallbladder for one!

  Last night Fred and I went out to celebrate my birthday and our 20th wedding anniversary which is on the 9th.  I decided I wanted to go early to dinner because I did not know how I was going to feel later on. Dinner did hurt me. I did not eat my entire meal but a good portion of it. I had a couple sips of Fred`s cocktail and I did have sour cream on my potato. Steak was probably not the best thing for  me but I only ate half so I did less damage. LOL
    The casino was fun too. We did not win big but we had some fun winning and we walked away with each of us having some fun money for later on. We stopped at the Asian bakery, Fay Da Bakery to pick up some goodies. I wanted to try a pork bun. Fred and I are going to share it at lunch today. Even though our night ended at 830pm (when we got home), We did have a good time. I realized something about this gallbladder business. Doing things like being up and walking around, does effect how you feel in your gut and it wraps around to your back. Last night I was really thirsty, it was warm in the place, and they have Dunkin Donuts in the casino. Fred and I both got a medium iced coffee. It tasted really good. Fred finished his. I barely got to the halfway point on mine. That is not normal for me not to drink it down.
    That right there told me that I have to watch what I eat and drink for the next week or so until I get this straightened out. I have some people tell me that once I have the surgery, I will be able to eat whatever I want. I have a couple others that I think are being a bit more honest with me. They say that losing your gallbladder changes you. You have to watch what you eat in terms off all the stuff that made you sick when your gallbladder was sick. Fats, creams, cheeses, beef, pork, coffee, caffeine, etc. A very good friend had hers out when she was in her 20s. She has to be careful to this day (20 years later) of what she eats. And she told me the first year is the worst because everything runs thru you. And they do not tell you that you can gain weight. Like I need to gain more fucking weight. I think the reason some people gain weight is because before surgery, they were suffering from malabsorption. They were eating whatever and they either lost or didn't gain. After the surgery, they continued but because their shit was fixed, the calories stuck around instead of ending up in the sewer.
 I sit here and eat a handful of grapes and hope they do not hurt me. Fred and I are doing a joint effort today. I am going to cut up two whole chickens (chicken wings are extinct, I tell ya!) and he will bake the pieces in his special rub. I am going to bake a butter pecan cake with chocolate frosting, three layers. And we are going to have a relaxing Sunday. My two darlings are still sleeping. I guess I will not be getting any birthday love or slavery from them today. Hmmm

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Birthday celebrating and lots of veggies

  Today is my Father`s birthday. Happy Birthday Dad! If he were alive today, he would be 90. That means he has been gone 30 years. Wow.  My birthday is tomorrow. When I was a kid, there were always two birthday cakes and two dinner celebrations. Nobody got shortchanged because it was considered too much work or too much cake! Never ever too much cake. It has been a long time but there are days when I still miss him or I will dream about him. One day I will see him again.

  Today we are going out to celebrate my birthday and our 20th anniversary. Our plans before my gut troubles were to go to a nice steak place and then to Foxwoods. We have not changed those plans. I will eat and be merry. I will avoid any alcohol. I will not eat a large amount of food. If at any time my gut starts to hurt a little more, we will go straight home and to the ER. I am still in the dull pain stage of whatever is going on with me. I have been eating low carb since yesterday and as little fat as I can try to muster. It is really hard to find stuff to eat when you are so limited. I can only drink one cup of coffee because the fat from the cream bothers me. For breakfast/lunch,  I had two hard boiled eggs, a handful of grape tomatoes, and a few grapes. Yummy Yummy...I am soooo full! (side eye).
 I kid but if this will keep the immense pain away that I have heard about, then I am going to do it. I can tell the pain is more and different now. I wish my surgical appointment was sooner rather than on Thursday.
  I am going to get dressed, take one kid out to buy brassieres, and then Hubs and I are going out to have fun. Wish me luck! And hopefully my steak dinner wont kill me. :)

Thursday, January 3, 2013

I hate diabetes


 I got a call from my Endo`s nurse this morning. They wanted to tell me about my diabetic blood draw aka A1C. It is 8.6. That is horrific! That is not good at all! That is all the crap I have been eating for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  It is a damaging number, is what that is. I will be honest. I have been eating what i want and then playing catch up with the insulin. Not a good thing to do. You are supposed to do your insulin, eat your meal, and that is that. No catch up.
 He had suggested that I give the low carb eating a try again. Maybe if I can stick with that way of life, I can forgo anymore damage to my body. Like whatever is wrong with my gut right now.
 I am dealing with alot of shit right now and this is not one of the things I wanted added. I have to also say that I was dealing with a massive amount of infection in my head. That could contribute to some of the numbers being off. That is not an excuse. Infection does raise your blood sugars. But I know that is not the only reason.
 So I guess I have to change my life for real this time. No thinking about it. No talking about it. No dabbling in it. I have to actually do it. The low carb amounts are going to kill me and I am going to be such a bitch but I have to do it to live longer.
One thing I have to give up is sugar. I drink two cups of coffee a day, maximum. In one cup, I put light cream and one teaspoon of sugar. I used to use artificial sweetener but they started giving me headaches. I can also go back to using soy milk and soy creamer with no problem.
 You know, if a Dr ever tells you that you are pre-diabetic or that you have gestational diabetes when you are pregnant, take it seriously!
 I did not and look at me. 10 years since diagnosis. I am almost 44 years old and I am falling apart on the insides. I fear that I will not live to 50 for some reason. I have to try to get well on the inside so that I can fix the damage that I have already done.

A plan must be made:
 Low carb eating forever. Fred and I both. I will not limit him to 25 carbs a day cause he is a guy and needs more calories because he works. I need to find some recipes that will help us.

Ding Ding Ding!!! Just got another call back from the Dr office. They got my scans. I do have a kidney stone but that would not be causing the pain that I am feeling. I do not have any gallstones that they can see BUT my bile duct is enlarged. Which could mean that I am getting ready to develop one inside of it and that is not a good. If it blocks the flow of bile, I will be in screaming pain and could like burst. They are calling the surgical team at the hospital to get me in ASAP. If my pain becomes excruciating, I am to go to the ER.

I am going to eat some low carbness now but I need to really read up like I did before and print out some recipes and ideas for eating. I will come back to this after my surgery. Fuck!

And how is your new year shaping up?

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Mimosa for breakfast!

   My old ass fell asleep last night before the ball dropped. Never fails. What do you expect? Fred was at work till after 11pm and I had been in bed all day because of what ails me. I was flipping back and forth between the Doctor Who marathon on BBC America and the Twilight Zone marathon on Scyfy. Somewhere in there I fell asleep. Fred sent me a text saying Happy New Year, he loves me, and this year is going to be all about him and I. Meaning, the kids still live here but we are not indulging them anymore. This is supposed to be OUR time. Him and I. They are grown now. So I am not spending a dime on them unless I absolutely have to. Yeah, they are going to hate me on so many levels but I need to cut the apron strings. You have a home but I am not spending a dime on you. If you want something special in life, buy it yourself.
  On the plus side, we have champagne. The girls must have been too scared to try to open it. We also have orange juice. So Mimosas it will be! The kitchen is a fucking disaster. I was hoping somebody would make breakfast but I guess that is not to be. Unless it is me!

Today I am going to try to take down all the Christmas stuff. It has to be done. Christmas has to be put away before my birthday. I wish I did not feel like shit because I would totally shovel the back patio for the dogs. See, this is where your adult children would come in handy to do these things. But no..they do not. And I have found out that basically the whole generation of them are like this. We are not the only ones.

Hope 2013 is wonderful for all of us. I want to have some good times this year. No more misery!