Joyful, I am!

*264*<------Yes. I am back at it again.

   I am sorry. It has been a few days. I have been otherwise occupied. But here I am and I will make it a big post.
    I am going to post my weight again because I am back at this mess of losing weight again. I will weigh in every Monday. I had said to everyone that would listen that if I did not have cancer, I was done fucking around. Now is the time to work on this body. I have lost some inches from not being able to eat so I should continue the trend. I want to say this once (unless at another time it becomes resolved) that I am still in pain in my right side like it is my gallbladder. All the time. Every hour of every day. Hurts worse when I eat fats of any kind. My constipation has gotten better since I started drinking the protein drinks. I am not going to take the pill that was prescribed for my constipation. I do not want another prescription. I can drink Milk of Magnesia instead. I am saying this because even though I wont mention it again, you will know it is an ongoing saga of my gut. I am going to tell my GP in April about what my next steps should be since my GP must be the idiot of the group. He actually told me that my pain was probably skeletal or muscular. He wanted to get me off the phone basically. Douche Nozzle. I will try someone else.
  So I started drinking a chocolate whey protein shake every day for breakfast. I drink 16 oz of it with either soy or rice milk. Those are less fattening. Whey protein shakes can be used for weight gain as in for weight lifters or for weight loss as in fatties like me. Oh! I had to put a pair of jeans away!! They are too big for me to wear anymore. Woot! Anyway. The drinking of this everyday is two fold. It will help me lose weight, and my first meal of the day is liquid. It does not hurt me and it has my bowels starting to move better than before. I am going to start walking but I have a ton of yard work to do first. I was raking this morning when I was out with the dogs. Nice yard work weather. Not too warm, not too cold. Just right. After I drop the big kid off at work, I am going to get a couple beds raked. Our town is not picking up leaf bags anymore so i will throw them up in the top yard to decompose.
  I am very happy today. Rainbow has decided to move back here. He is uber unhappy where he is. He was so indecisive about coming to live with us because of the space issue. When I told him that Big kid was moving to California in the Fall, that totally decided for him. He can have her room or the kids can switch, whatever. He will be here in three weeks. In the mean time, I am going to buy one of the Serta roll away beds. Not the crappy ones. One of the nice ones. I used to have to sleep on one at one point in my childhood, so I know they can be comfortable. Short story...both my brother and sister had to come back home to live for a bit because of lost jobs. I had to sleep on a roll away bed because there was not enough room at the time. I think I slept on that bed for a year. It wasn't bad and it was not a bad memory for me at all.  So he will live in the living room until September and then he will get a room upstairs. He will work and save his money so that he can go out on his own. He is kind of kick starting the other kid into working too. So I am Joyful! All my kids are growing and moving on..kinda sorta.
 Easter is in a few days. I have a turkey breast for the protein. The girls are pissed. Makes me think I should go out an buy a small ham too. Make some potato salad and shrimp salad. I do not know.



    Yeah, I am going to work on the losing weight thing again. My food intake is limited because of whatever is wrong with my gut. I just need to lay off any junk food now. Because it is bad for me and it is making my sugars bad. I cannot eat candy, cookies, chips, or any of that good stuff because of my diabetes but also because of my delayed digestion thing. The food sits in there too long and I am fighting blood sugars that I shouldn't have to fight. Meaning, I put in my insulin. It should lower my blood sugar. But it doesn't. Because the Lay`s potato chips are sitting in my colon and consistently raising the sugars again. Boring!! I know....

That is it. That is all that is going on. I have yard work to do and I have spring cleaning to do and I have to start tossing shit that I do not need anymore. Books need to be packed in totes. All this clutter drives me a little bat shit. I love my oldest child to pieces but I cannot wait for her to go. She is the major clutter bug/messy marvin in this house. It will be a relief to not have to pick up after another person every single day.

I will be back on or before Easter probably freaking out over what is for dinner.
Have a nice day!

Life Wanted. Inquire Within

I used to love painting furniture. What happened?

I know I said I was not coming back for awhile but Fuck it..my blog..I do what I want! :)
 I was told last night that I needed to get a life. If I am crying over a boy that isnt even mine, What is going to happen when the girls leave?
 I took that two ways. The first is my husband is an asshole. He is telling me I shouldn't be crying over Rainbow cause he is not mine to cry over. He is just Natalie`s friend and not family. And he told me that I needed to get a plan in place of what the hell I am going to do when everyone is gone and it is just him and I. He will be at work. I cannot work a job. So what am I going to do all day and night?

  Then I thought of the second way after I stopped thinking that this man really needs to learn how to choose his words. I can cry all I want over Rainbow but it isn't going to bring him back. He is gone to kick start his life and I have to get over that. He did not leave US because he didn't love us. He left so that he can go to school, get a degree, get a great job, and get the fuck away from his father. We will visit and hopefully he will visit. By that time, the house will be in more order.
That is my plan.
 My LIFE is going to be fixing up this house.
I am not going into specifics but we are going to get some funding in the summer. We are going to secure enough to get the hard wood floors done here on the first floor. I need to paint the living room, dining room and the kitchen. There is tile work that can be done. I have furniture I can re-upholster and paint. We are going to get new to us living room couches and hopefully one of them will be a pull out. That way, if he comes to visit..He has a place to rest his head. I need to get these things started. I need to first decide on the colors for the rooms before I start painting furniture. I have quite a few pieces that need to be done. Another thing I want is to have someone build me two tall bookshelves for the living room. I have always wanted them but never did them. We have baseboard heaters so the shelves have to kind of work around them. 

 Anyway, I need to get a life and that is going to start now.
My living room is chocolate brown with white trim. I want it to be lighter. I have not decided yet. The dining room and kitchen are basically a school bus yellow with white trim. I do not want yellow of any sort in here at all. I do not want to do red either. I was thinking blue for the kitchen and dining room.

All in good time. I just thought I would let you all know that i am still crying but not as much and I am building a plan for this next phase of my life.

He is gone/Mini blog break

 

  Rainbow left late last night and he just arrived at his destination about a half an hour ago. I have been crying off and on since last night. Eventually the sadness will go away, I know this. Just very hard to say goodbye.
 So I have gotten next to nothing done around here. It is a nice sunny Saturday and I am still in my jammies. I have drank coffee and I had lunch of soup. That is about all I have done. Oh and I cried. Natalie has been crying too. It is to be expected.
 Last night I ate way too much food because of this sadness and I paid for it. My stomach felt like shit all night long.

 Normally, I would be telling you how I am going to do this and do that and do this. But I think I am just going to wallow. I did sweep the dining room. And I piled shit in the sink to wash the dishes. *eating the last three Oreos* <---I am making a mistake but I do not give a shit!

yeah..I just walked away for an hour and forgot I was posting. I think I am going to stay away from the blog for a little while. Give me a few days to be sad but not spread it around like the damn flu. I will most definitely be back on before my nuclear testing is done.

Ciao for now!

It`s quiet

 

Rainbow is leaving on Friday. He has been a part of our family for about 4 years now. He has spent so much time in our home that he is one of us. It is sad but necessary, I guess. He is going to live with his Mom, go to school, get a job, and move in with a friend later on. He is in a dead end up here so hopefully he can find what he is looking for down there. We are going to miss him terribly. I consider him the tester kid. He is emptying my nest and it is getting me set up for when the other two leave. Then what do I do?
I cannot work a job. Fred will be at work and I will clang around this house with nothing to do. I guess I could do simple home improvement work. Ah..that is a bit of while off yet till that happens.

  It is gloomy and warm out today. I think I will wash the dogs. The little ones need it. Ruby needs it too but you have to wrestle her into the bathtub. She never goes willingly. I have Milo bugging me over here. I bought some organic catnip at the co-op. I guess he knows I am his pusher. I just gave him a pinch. He ate it off the table and now he is freaking out man!

 I am just ho hum because in four short days, our lives will be a bit different. Sad week ahead.

Still no call from the Surgeon`s office. Wonder when they are going to call with my appointments. This should be interesting.
Okay, I am off. Gotta pick up the kid and then I have a mountain of dishes.