I am a chicken.

*240*

   Kinda Sorta.
    I cancelled the spinal tap for this Friday. I have some shit going and I decided I needed another month to straighten it out. I will have it done early October instead. Who wants to get their naked spine poked by a stranger in this heat? Blech! So my chauffeur and I are going to go consignment shopping instead. Oh yeah. Retail therapy is what this chic needs. That and some diner breakfast.  All serious though. I am going to have it done but something came up that I have to do that following Saturday. It is all good.
  
Bok Bok Bok.

   Mondays always start out with so much promise. I start getting things done, run a couple errands, plan dinner (burgers on the grill) and by 3pm I start to peter out. It is bullshit. I still have stuff on my list.
 As most of you know I am the Queen of my castle aka I do practically everything. This usually happens while three other adults sit around on their free time watching Hulu and YouTube. I do get help. I wont say they are completely lazy. But I am seriously getting sick of it. I cannot afford a maid and going on strike doesn't work (food mold grows in 2 days). I just trudge along while I wait for the cleaning fairies to do me a solid. Clean my house. Fairies!

  Health wise is a toss up today. My head feels okay but my body feels like shit. I can trudge through the body pains. I am a old pro at that. To me, this s a good-ish day.  Kid #2 and I went to the Book Barn. I found a copy of the big book Fibromyalgia Advocate (purple cover) for $4. I do not know where my copy went so I bought another. Kid #2 is devouring it now. She might be dealing with multiple diagnosis like I have and I want her to be informed. I also bought a book of 1000 tattoos and a Tony Bourdain book. I have some stuff to read. That always makes the day better.

My ass needs to get off this lappy. I have to season the burgers and let them sit for a bit in the fridge. The man will be home before I know it.

Today was okay for me. I can take a 1000 more of these in a row please.

Dealing with seasonal flare

*263*

   I am sorry that I have not posted recently. I am dealing with Fibromyalgia seasonal flare. Spring has been taking so long to show up that my body is just protesting all over the place. Plus since I have been moving more, my right calf muscle has been hurting. I am not complaining about it though. I just need to walk it off. I probably strained something. No biggie. I have just been tired, antsy, preoccupied, and a bit grumpy. Add a sprinkle of Depression and you get the idea. I will be better once Spring temps come and settle.I am just dealing with the sads and over sleeping and pain. It sucks but I know that will change. So if I do not post much, you know why.

 I have more to talk about but just not in the mood for it. I have dishes to do anyway, so I might as well get on it.

Have a great Sunday and week.

Jam and bloody fingers

*262*

  I am working on the Rosedale this morning (after two cups of coffee) and I already punctured my damn finger. It is okay. Not bleeding anymore but that is the hazard of this hobby. Burns and boo boos. I have not done a house in over a year so I am do for some pain. There is this second floor piece that will not fit no matter what I do. I think I screwed up the staircase assembly and it is making for a too tight fit. So I am slowly cutting the space bigger. I do not have proper tools so it is gonna take awhile. I want to get that piece up so that I can continue. And it has to be on there proper or the third floor wont go on correctly. Grrrr!
 It is the first day of Autumn today. I am thinking I need to start working on my jam for the winter. I have bags of frozen strawberries downstairs. I can make a shit load of jam. I also have blackberries but not as much as the strawberries. I also have some more pickling cukes to make pickles with. I am not going to over do it today because I am starting in the midst of a Fibro flare but I want to do the strawberry. We do not have anymore in the cabinet for eating so this is the perfect time to do it.
 Don't you think?

  So let us hope I get this piece fabricated to my liking without losing any fingers so that I can move onto strawberry jam. I am even going to go down in the freezer and get them. Once defrosted, I have to use them!
 I hope you have a nice first day of Fall.

Poor pitiful me. Not really

Happy Birthday Mr. King

*263*

 I knew it was going to be a tight week. I just hate when I have to face it. I have been paying bills off so that one point I will be all caught up. So this week, I had a few to pay at once and well, you know how it goes. I cancelled the gym memberships yesterday. That will save us $41 a month! Not a whole hell of alot but it is not going to a gym that we do not use. If we want to rejoin, it is no big deal. They always have specials to sign up. I have money for gas for midweek and food in the house. We will be fine. I just hate it. BUT all the good stuff on sale will be next week also. So I guess it is okay. (i am trying to convince myself.)

 So this will be a week of cooking from scratch and complaining cause I am tired and feel like shit. Normal everyday routine. I have a ton of dishes to do but I am not in the mood. I think my Autumn Fibro flare is kicking in. No biggie. It comes and then in a week or two it will be gone. I have to say that this water pill has done one good thing. All my clothes fit better. It got rid of all the bloat. I do not have as much of a stomach pooch. I love it! So with all this crap going on, I can feel good that my clothes feel a smidgen bigger on me then before.
   I am going to try to do the damn dishes plus work on the front yard some more. It is slow going but I almost have a bag filled of cuttings. My friend A told me I should plants some ornamental grass. I was thinking I could do that. I have never had it in the yard before. Plant it in the front. One on each side of the large bed then perennials in between. Less work for me! That will have to wait till next year. No extra for plants.

Wow, this is sounding sad sacky and I did not intend it. Please do not think I walk around with a hound dog look on my face. I just write about what is going on. If it is too sad, I understand if you do not to read. I have lost other people cause they do not want to hear it. I understand.
I am in a good mood except for not having any spending money this week. I have a dollhouse to build!
If I can find my xacto knives!!

Home again Home again Jiggedy Jog

Dale`s dog Sissy

Okay, still working on the virus with a tech online. Waiting for her reply so I figured I would finish what I started. That beautiful specimen is Sissy. She is the sweetest dog you could ever meet and I have met plenty.

Black skinned chicken

They are a product of Asia. We went to this HUGE Asian market in her area to get some purple yams but they were sold out. Fred and I want to know what these chickens taste like (all dark meat) but we do not have anything like that here. So I had to take a picture for posterity.

Kiss me!

Yup, that is exactly what you think it is and NO, I did not touch it. Yuck!

Awesome!

One of the things we did during the week is thrifting. I found this beauty at the Goodwill. It is metal and it cost me $1.99. Some may say it is ugly but I think it is the cat`s pajamas. Someone took the time to carve it, I am going to enjoy it in all it`s utter weirdness.

Fiestaware!

Another thing we did was some antiquing. It was hot that day so the place was rather warm. I was getting a headache from all the vintage overload on my eyes. Until I saw this closet! Isn't that the prettiest thing you ever did see?
I did not buy any. Too rich for my blood.  I picked up a coffee hound cup and two metal stars.

At the Philly station, there was a forty minute wait because someone jumped in front of our train when it was in Delaware. So I went potty, checked my blood sugar, and had some food. Very bad food! LOL
I knew I was going to feel like crap standing in line for who knows how long, so I got some food into me for the long train ride home. I do not like the food on the train. Yuck!

Took forever

I was near the front of the line, thank goodness. We all stood there for 30 minutes. I had a woman from CT standing next to me so we chatted up a bit. I was worried because my bags were heavy but I was able to make it down the escalator fine and onto the train. I even got a seat next to a nice person that smelled good.
I have a video of the NYC skyline at night from the train but the computer and blogger are being a butthead today so that is not going to be on here.

I had a good time. Good talks. Good laughs. It took me four days to come to any kind of normal for me. That trip wiped me the fuck out. I could not even talk or type correctly because my brain was so tired. I am glad I went but I am also glad I am home to be able to rest up. I think I have truly figured out my limitations.
I cannot go go go anymore. Slow like a turtle is the pace that keeps me good on a day to day. I miss being able to do it all but I just have to be realistic. Trips to far away places will be few and far between on my agenda.

Hope you didnt miss me too much!

Walking does a body good

My good friend, A. asked me if I wanted to take a walk on the boardwalk at the beach this afternoon. Of course I wanted to go. It has been a gorgeous weekend here in Old CT and I needed to kick start my new life plan. There is nothing better then hearing the clop clop clop of your feet on the wooden board walk. A. and I talked and walked for a mile..I think. She was paying attention..I was not. I can be a major nosey assed looky loo when it comes to being out in public. Once we were done, we parted ways, and I was on my way home.
  I have to talk about some things that a lot of you do not know about me. I have been dealing with many health issues over the past few years besides the diabetes. Many of my friends know what I have gone through but I have mostly kept it to myself. I do not want pity. I just wanted to let you know that there are going to be days where you could shove a firecracker up my ass..I aint doing nothing! That is not me being lazy.
  Ten years ago I found out I had diabetes by accident. I was in the ER because I was sick as a dog. They did blood work and came in and told me matter of factly. You just tell someone they have a morbidity disease like you are telling them the time of day. Golly Gee!, thanks Doc. At the same time, my Mother was going through the end stages of Parkinson`s disease and complications from Diabetes. I was a mess. And I was sick and very tired. I started having weird pains in my legs or in my hands. I was cold or I was hot. Many Drs told me there was nothing wrong with me. "You just need to change jobs" said one. I was directed to a specialist in NYC and I finally got an answer. I had Fibromyalgia  and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I deal with the pain fine. I am in pain every single day of my life but it is a part of me now. If I complain about pain, it is because it is a bit harsher then usual. The fatigue and brain fog is what I hate but it is also a part of me.  I got over it and I moved on. I learned to pace myself and rest when I needed to. I never promised because I did not know what tomorrow would bring. Then three years ago I was diagnosed with Meneire`s disease. I would not wish that disease on my worst enemy. I have found a couple good friends online that are dealing with it also. We can just give each other support. I have had a couple surgeries not including the herniated disc. The newest trick out of the funbag is now I have plantar fasciitis in both feet! Fuckers! The right foot is doing really well. I have been stretching the hell out of it. The left foot has a way to go. So I am walking long distances with majorly painful heels.  All this shit is wrong with me but I still smile. I still crack jokes. I swear like a sailor. I will give you my last dollar. I am a loyal friend. I can bake my ass off.
But I am also different then most 41 year olds.  So I am going to have down time. My youngest and I had already talked about this in terms of going to the gym. Right now I can only do it every other day. I cannot do everyday. I need the next day to recoup. I would be crippled if I did it everyday. I tell ya, if I was ever on the Biggest Loser..I would slap the shit out of Jillian if she caught me some attitude cause my ass was tired. Oh yes I would. That would be the only muscle in my body that would still be working. hehehe
There are going to be days when I am just not going to do it. I will be honest if I am just being lazy. And I will be honest if I am in pain .

That walk was real good. But I am going to pay for it tonight. I can already tell. I am going to be hobbling to the bathroom. Good thing I have stuff to grab onto.
Oh Mama!

And the story begins

That is what my sister used to call me when I was a chubby adolescent. Chubbette! She thought she was so funny and clever. Not realizing she probably scarred my ass for life. But I digress. This is not going to be a blog about my past crap. This is going to be a daily account of my journey into changing my life. I have always been fat but I had maintained a good weight and size for my height of 5`3". I always stayed around the 210 lb mark. Now that I look back, I looked good. I did gain weight with both of my daughter`s births but I always went back to that good ole reliable 210. Oh, how I miss you 210. Where the hell did you go??  Ten years ago I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I was a non compliant diabetic. I did take my medication every day but I did not follow any other rules. The ones like lose the excess weight and do not eat that crap anymore! Now I am on pills and insulin. I started taking the insulin a month before the surgery and the quitting smoking. The weight started to creep up. Now, let me state for the record that I have not been 210 in about..umm...5 years. I have been about 230-240lb. Holy Shit! Heidi is going to be honest. I might even post some pictures. I have to be honest otherwise this whole thing would be for nothing. Right?
Okay, so the weight started to creep up. I figured it was the not smoking (i will talk about how I did that in another post) and the hell of the surgery (another post). Creep. I started to walk with Hubs. Creep. I complained to my Dr. He said I needed to eat less AND exercise. Okay. So my Youngest and I started going to the gym. Creep.
It creeped up to my current weight. Drum roll please................283 lbs! On a 5"3" frame! I am not happy. At all.  I finally figured out (after I thought I was dying or had acquired another ailment..more on that later) that the insulin and my food intake were the culprit. When you do not use insulin, your pancreas does not know what the hell it is doing. So everything goes to waste. That is why you feel like crap all the time. You maintain your weight but at a cost. Once you go on insulin, your body figures out what it`s role is in the food distribution. So instead of dumping the excess, it stores it. FAT!
So, I was feeling much better because of the insulin but I was steadily turning into an Oompah Loompah.  My self esteem went into the crapper. I was never one of those chicks that said "Do I look fat? Oh I feel fat? Is my ass fat?" I have become one of THOSE women. Nope. Not going to do that anymore.  On November 17, 2010, it will be my one year anniversary for the surgery and the not smoking. So I had a revelation. Now it is time to start a new chapter. A new anniversary. I am going to work as hard as I can to get down to that 210. I am not looking to be fashion model thin. I just want to see my old friend again.
So, excuse the mess of this blog..It will take me some time to tweak it the way I want it to look. I will post all about my journey, my weight, foods that I am cooking and I will even post about any mistakes that I encounter. Because I am only human. I am woman..Here me scream my ass off on the stair climber!!