A new year to conquer

*237* <----I gained but I got it back down to this

  I have a feeling you have all disappeared because of my blogging hiatus. I really wasnt planning on coming back at all. Life got away from me and this was not something I had time for. I mean, theoretically, if I did want to do it, I would find time to. But I just did not. If you had been waiting for me to come back, I am sorry.

    You still know I am alive because my IG is attached and you can see my postings. You can also see that Keiko is a BIG girl. She is my sweet little muffin baby. She is not nice to everyone else but me. And that is how it should be. We lost Perla last month (the chihuahua). Vet thinks it was an bad intestinal infection. It came on quickly and took her without her having to go through any trauma going to the vet. Ruby is the lone dog now. We have put her on a diet and she is liking her single status. But we make sure not to say Perla`s name. She looks around for her if we do.

  About 2 months ago, I started a new way of eating challenge. Because of my diagnosis of Psoriatic Arthritis, I wanted to try not to take any strong medications for it. I was given the idea that I should eat AIP (autoimmune protocol) and Keto (because of my blood sugars). These two styles of eating for health come together as a very harsh harsh way of eating. HARSH! I had fallen off the keto wagon and gained about 20lbs. It was all stress related to health stuff. It was time and with a good talking to, I embarked into the AIP/KETO. I did not fully immerse myself into fat, and I was hungry all the time. I decided to give myself the Christmas holidays to indulge (but not over indulge) and pick back up on it for January. And here I am. AIP?KETO consists of avoiding grains, gluten, nightshades, nuts, seeds, bad for you oils, all fruits but berries occasionally, dairy, eggs, rice, high carb veggies, coffee, and sugar. I have been drinking tea in place of coffee and it has been okay. I have a nice strong English Breakfast that gives me the caffeine I need to get through life. 

  I do not want to get into my health woes anymore. If it is something serious, I will mention it but otherwise, I am gonna keep it to myself. That is probably why I have no followers because it reads like a pity party. It isn't but some may perceive it that way. I do want to mention a couple things. I had a architectural distortion removed from my breast, it was not cancer. I did BRCA 1 and 2 genetic testing and it came back negative. I could still be positive though. It is weird how that stuff is but the girls are safe. I was supposed to start taking a cancer drug this month but I decided against it. The side effects were too much for me to want to have to deal with. I will be having a MRI and Mammo on my breasts every six months to make sure there is no more growths. My gut is good and bad. Because of my change in eating, I have healed alot of my ulcerations and I am in good status with my colitis. I did find out from the new gastro that I am celiac. It explains alot.

  Right now, at this point in my life, I am doing okay. My birthday is on Satuday. The big 49. The last of the 40s. I will miss them when they are gone. As for the new year, no resolutions but just realizations. I have to stay with AIP until all my symptoms are gone. Then I slowly re-introduce foods on the no list. Some I will be able to add back, some I will never be able to eat again. Wheat and all gluten of course. I will stick with that modified AIP and Keto for as long as I am allowed to. I want to really start walking. It is way too bitterly cold here in the Northeast but when it gets back up to the 30s, I am out there. I have the sneakers. I have the socks. I have the clothes to get the job done. It will be better for my arthritis anyway if I stop being so stagnant and move my ligaments and joints. So walking and eating for health are #1 and #2 on my life realizations.

    Clutter has gotta go. I have been saying this for years but now I mean it. I want to get rid of anything that is just not worthy of this tiny space we have in this house. I have been tossing stuff that is garbage, donating , and selling since the Fall. Now I need to step up my game. I have books to donate, treasures to sell, and clothes to purge. If I have never used it, it has to go. I tend to hold onto some things because of nostalgia or it is old and I must own it. But I think I am done with all that. I want to make run for other things. Crap that is collecting dust and has no purpose for us can leave this house and give someone else a purpose.  DeCluttering in 2018 is #3.

  Money. Money has really been difficult this past year. I have been working with a state agency to get help with getting a job. I really want to try to do it. I am at the stage now where I am very close. I had two really good job interviews. I did not get the jobs but it is good practice. Now that the holidays are over, we are flooding my resumes out there in the ethers and hoping someone wants to give this old smart girl a chance.  I have always said, I need to budget. I need to save money. Blah blah blah. And then I do not do it. Once I wanted to try a no spend year. Nope. Then I tried No Spend Months. Nope, could even do that. I have a new attitude about it now. I aint spending any money. I have bills that need to be paid and paid off. I want to not stress about tax time. I want to have a nice job with some little part time job on the side. Make a good amount of money, be out in the world with people, and just enjoy that part of life that I have missed for the past 16 years. Have a healthy relationship with Money is #4.

  That is it. I have four goals for my life right there. I hope to at least accomplish them all. LMAO. I am realistic. But I have been thinking about this stuff since way before the holidays. I may fail at them all but I am going to try and we shall see how it goes.

If anyone is still out there, I am going to try to blog once every Monday. I will put it in my calendar to remind my forgetful ass.  I guess I could say Blogging my shit would be #5 on that list of life affirming junk.

Toodles. :)



 


   

June 1st Equals New Beginnings

*233* <---I checked at PT yesterday. This is good! I lost 6lbs!


  I have a headache. So I do not know how long this post will be. I am going to consume some Tylenol and hope that it goes away. I am toasting some low carb bread and I will spread some plant based cheeze on it. I didn't eat much last night cause I just wasn't feeling it.

  Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit! Happy June 1st to you all. Summer is basically here in my mind. It is still too cool here in my neck of the woods but the sun is out today. Just today though. More rain to come this week. Yuck. I really need to go to the community garden today on my travels and pick some radishes. I have to remember to grab my tomato cages for there also. We have radishes, lettuce, four types of tomatoes, basil, cayenne peppers, and strawberries. When the lettuce and radish is over, we will plant some bell peppers in their place.

Okay, I also made a bowl of salad greens with a cut up hard boiled egg, a slice of cheddar cheese, red wine vinegar with salt and pepper. Well rounded with the cheese toast. My headache is subsiding a little bit. *eating*
Ahhh. Feel much better. Okay..

   Today starts the first official day of No Spend June. I have a notebook set up where I will calculate how much I spend on groceries and any bills that come up that are not in the normal realm of the budget. I had to pay a small hospital bill and Hubs had to pay his $50 portion to go to a family cookout. The girls and I are not going because we cannot afford to pay for everyone. Plus we have other stuffs going on. I did go out and buy a case of water. That is going to stop me from going out and buying drinks. Baby steps with some things just yet. I did buy a insulated coffee cup for me and the hubs so we can bring coffee with us when we go out.  I am really going to stick with this. If I cannot do this for an entire month, there is something wrong with me. Even if a deal is so outrageously good, I am not doing it. I had a lottery scratch off ticket that was a $3 winner. I cashed it in and took the money. I would have easily just bought another ticket. Nope. That is an extra $3 in the budget. I will do some sort of tally at the end of each week so like on Sundays. I have five weeks this month so this is going to be interesting.

  Today also starts getting back into keto full time. I am going to really fight the carby cravings and the keto flu for the next week. I will not cave! I fit into 80% of my summer shorts from last year. There are a couple that need me to lose about 5 more lbs or so. I have a couple shirts that I wore that I will not wear yet because I really need to lose the spare tire again. She is more like a bike tire now but it is still there and no no no.  The saving money and the keto eating work two fold also. I need to spend a day going through the pantry, fridge, and both freezers. Throw anything away that needs to go cause it is old, make a list of what I have, and then we can go from there when we go shopping. I am not going to do a whole month shopping at once because our house isnt that big. I plan on doing a every two week big shopping and once a week perishable shopping. Dairy, eggs, veggies. And I will always stick to my list because I have to.

Okay. I can do this! I have to decide what is for dinner. I do have some tilapia that I could bake. I have some asparagus too. That would be a nice dinner. Lemon fish with greens and asparagus. Add some fat in there like butter galore. Mmmm

I gotta go now. The kid needs a ride to work. Have a good week and I wish me luck!

Leafy Showered Saturday

*249*

  It is a dreary first day of November.  It is a good day to get some things done. I brought all the Halloween decorations inside and put up a Fall flag. Those caramels that I made are going to be covered in chocolate. Speaking of chocolate.. a fun sized Kit Kat is a appropriate breakfast, right?

   Hubs and I are going out tonight with a friend to have some Irish grub.  I am a tad mad about it but it was planned without my input so I have to endure the expense. I looked up the menu and all the entrees are $12 or less. So that is good.
 I was planning on today being the first day of my new venture in not over spending. I guess I will do my best and make sure not to drink any beer. I will just chalk it up as a fun loss.

 I have it all planned out. I will buy in bulk. I will try to buy most of my groceries twice a month in large quanities so that I am not back and forth to the store. Home made as much as possible.
I am not posting amounts cause that is mine but I will share how the budget will look.

Mortgage
Electric
Oil (intermittent)
Car insurance
Gym (i have to get rid of this)
Cell phones
Medications (that will go UP in January till we meet our deductible)
Co-pays (UP also in January)
netflix 
Hulu Plus
Water (every 3 months)
Groceries $500 (that is bare minimum w/o coupons)
gas for 2 cars

There is also the fact that he gets a weekly stipend to spend how he wants. I dont get that luxury. We will have to work on that. 

We have discussed Christmas. This year I will purchase a replacement tv for livingroom. Each person will get one nice gift that is not expensive. After that, game on for saving. I will save my ass off. I still have to get a new fridge. Sears has layaway so I might do that to have a new one by the end of December. Crossing fingers.

After I calculate our income minus these bills and sundries..I could possibly save more then $500 a month. If I could cut the grocery bill, that would be even more. Baby steps though. Baby Steps! This will change with the new year. I will have to pay for all our appointments and scripts out of pocket. But once we hit the max on our deductible, it will be easier to save.

My goals are simple. We need new floors that we never got. We need new windows. We need the outside of the house painted. We also need a cushion of financial stability for when shit hits the fan.

I will report back on my progress on the 1st of every month. If I fucked up. I will own up to it. Wish my luck!
Oh yeah..I ate a snickers too.

More coffee is an option

Dinner Delights!

*248*
 
      Just to let you know, I have had to get up super early the past few days. I am about to get my 2nd cup of Joe as I type....... The coil broke on the Nissan. It is getting fixed this week but in the mean time, I have been driving the man to his new first shift job...the alarm goes off at 530am. <-----I call bullshit! LOL
   He loves the job. He is around all guys, he is moving, getting exercise, and the day ends early. We are losing an extreme amount of money because of the job change. We will figure it out and survive as best we can. He can try to transfer to another job in six months. I am so glad that he is happy at his job. I am just sad that it is not more money.
   I will have to bring back my frugal skills of yore. I cried for a bit but I am better now. I have to start trimming the fat.   I think cable tv is a goner for us. I will keep internet but cannot afford the cable. There is alot to take in. I learned I can turn the furnace off to save oil. We can switch it on when showers and dishes need to be done.
 So much has gone on. Kid #1 is leaving in June for Cali for a internship for a couple months. Kid #2 is spreading her wings and moving in with friends temporarily until the Fall or sooner. She will be within walking distance. Unofficial Kid #3 has not said anything. He has no place to go. I am hoping if he stays here, he will give us some rent plus help around the house. Otherwise, he will need to go too. But that is just talk right now. I could actually be a empty nester this summer! Like a test to see if I can handle it. Challenge accepted.

  Yesterday I had my MRI on my neck. I was given a pill called Serax which is actually a benzo. I had a mild case of hives from it. It was determined I was okay so we proceeded with the scan. I was loopy, they made me comfy with pillows, headphones (music), and warm wash cloth over my eyes. I could have fell asleep in that thing if it wasnt for the noise. I have a disc to give to my neuro. It is too early now but I will call later to make a follow up appt to see what is up.

  My treat for my shitty couple of weeks is a lobster. They were on sale for $4.99 per lb. I got one that was slightly over 3 lbs. It was boiled last night. It is in my fridge awaiting my ideas for it. I could just be carnal...slightly heat it and eat it with butter. Or I could make a nice cold salad. Or something else..I have not decided. I know I just said I have to cut back on the budget but for this one time, I decided that I wanted this for ME and all the things I cried over this past week. A decadent food that doesnt require insulin! SCORE!

Ear Progress

 My appointment with my ENT is on Friday afternoon. I wanted to give you an update on how I felt. There are times when the incision still hurts. The whole thing will be sore. Fred will look at it and he says it is fine. I am past the point of any infection. It was sewn in a folded manner or so it feels so it is a very noticeable scar. I guess as time goes on, you wont see it when I pull my hair back. But now you can. The outside of my ear is still numb. I am wondering if that is it. Is this how it will always feel? I am not sneezing or coughing up anymore yucky debris either. All of that is gone. As for the leaking out of my nose. It is still doing it but not as much as before. I will let him know. It is probably nothing. I do not feel run down like I used to.  If infection can make you not want to do anything, then I bet that was a small part of my problem. I am still not a well chica by any means but I am able to do more now. We do not even know how old the infection was. Crazy huh?

  Look what I saw this morning when I was out warming up the Jeep. It was kind of raining kind of snowing but it was too warm for it. And the sun was out so I caught myself a pretty rainbow. It didn't last long. Maybe five minutes. Made me smile this morning. I wanted to chase after it and get some of that gold everyone keeps talking about.

  It is in the upper 40s today. Sun is supposed to stay out. No heat has been turned on for the past couple days. Loving it.
I made the strawberry jalapeno jam yesterday. I wanted to let you know that if you wanted to make it, you use a standard strawberry jam recipe but add in 7 jalapenos minced in food processor. Now, I used the whole of all seven. Seeds and all. You could do it that way or you could have a couple with seeds and clean the rest. It is up to you how hot you want to make it. My friends that love hot said it was really good jam. I am sorry to say that I fucked up the regular strawberry jam though. Too much sugar in a batch of not enough fruit. Plus I was tired and my back was hurting. Not paying attention.  I did not toss it. I canned it for OUR consumption. I will make more this week. I get paid tomorrow so I can replenish the strawberry, sugar and pectin. I have to make a decision on the marmalade anyway. I have to work on the kid`s gifts, I need to buy gift bags, and I have to deliver the jam after I am done with it. I am told that I have to save the money from this time around. I balked at it for a bit but I understand. I need to save money. My plan is to save at least $100 a week. I could save more but I am starting there.
I think my mind is all over the place today because Xmas is not very far away and no body else has made any gifts. I feel that if I am the only one that made an effort, what was the point? I had said in the beginning that i did not want to do gift exchange anymore. One kid suggested we make home made gifts. I ran with that. I see that I am the only one that is doing it. No body has brought any supplies in the house or asked me for cash to buy supplies. I will do what I planned to do but I feel that I will be the ONLY one with not a present under the tree. Kind of sad, huh? As much as I do for this family, you couldn't bother to make me anything. If I get some hurried up card stock scribbled card, I think that would be worse than nothing. I will try really hard to be positive though. Very very positive!
  I hope you have got all your Christmas gifts under the tree. If not, that is okay. Not many people can celebrate like they used to. This is the first year that I have not bought one gift. I just cannot do it. Well, I could but then which bill wouldn't get paid?
I am going to wrap this up for today. I have both sinks full of jam covered pots and utensils. I told you my back hurt! :)
Now I pay the price. This will be tons of fun.

Christmas season 2012

I do not have the money or the want to go shopping today. I never liked the Black Friday thing. I went out one year with my neighbor. I hated every minute of it. We stood in line for hours for some thing she had to buy. At this moment, I cannot recall what it was. I just know that I realized that Black Friday was not for me.  I would rather sit here in my pjs with my coffee and eating a piece of berry pie. That is a post Turkey day breakfast of champions.
  I am not feeling the whole *decorate for Xmas* vibe today. I think I will put it off to the point that the girls will mention it and I will let them do it. I am still not all together with the healing still. Plus I think I am probably a little depressed. We are not buying gifts this year. There are a couple reasons why. The main reason is money. With the price of fuel and who knows what is gonna happen with the taxes, I just am not comfortable spending any money on extras. Then I am tired of the pressure of spending. You better get this! You better get that! You don't love your family if you don't! Up until today I have felt good about our decision. I am waffling today but I will treat it like any addiction and just say no!
 Chelsea was going to go to her friend`s family`s house for Xmas this year. I think because we were not giving gifts. Then I think she decided she didn't want to do that either. So she asked us all if we would be willing to make home made gifts for each other. I thought that was an excellent idea. I have NO idea what Fred is going to make. He is not crafty. I have no idea what I am going to make but I need to get moving on it because Xmas will be coming on quick! When I think of something, I will let you know.

  I had a long talk with Chelsea that involved tears on both our parts. I finally told her that Fred and I cannot sustain the household by ourselves. It has become difficult. She actually understood. She said that it is not fair that two people should be supporting five adults total (she is including Rainbow in that). I asked her why she never came to me and said this before. Why didn't she offer to pay rent sooner? She said some stuff but i think it comes down to the fact that she didn't want to spend her money. I really cried over what we were talking about. I have been full of stress all year long. Every month was the same as the last. Shoulders up to my ears because of bills and money.  She had a long talk with Natalie. She is going to get her to work either at her non profit or at a place that hires youth that her friend is a part of. Natalie needs to make her own money for her own shit and maybe fork over a $50 once a month to help with food.
 Chelsea wants to look over our budget with a pair of fresh eyes. I told her that I know there is plenty of money for all the bills and the food and to save. The major problem is I keep getting nickled and dimed. No one forks over any money for anything so a pizza night has become a luxury. That shouldn't be that way.  I think if she can figure it out that they can help us while they live here, we can all live comfortably until they both move on. If it were just Fred and I, it would not be an issue. We could afford to live more than comfortable. We would have extra to fix up the house. But when you have adults with no income asking you to pay for the contact lenses. Or another that does not give any money and they want you to spend $50 at the natural food co-op, you can see why I am poor every month. Right now, I have $25. That will put gas in the Jeep. I paid two bills and bought groceries so I am tapped out.
 The best gift I could get this year, is to be able to relax about the bills and get help with paying them.
I pulled out my Tightwad Gazette books and started reading again last night. I had put them down before because I was sick. Reading was hard with this infection in my head. Messed with my eyes. Now I can read again and I am reintroducing myself to it. I have a few ideas on what I am going to do to change that I will talk about at another time. Bulk food shopping is one of them.
  They are not gonna want any baked goods or food. That is not a real gift because I do that anyway. What the hell can I make???
 Soap. Candles. key chain. what??
  It is too late for me to start making things like quilts and such. I do not have enough time to make 4 of them. I will rack my brain over it today.

Stay safe if you are out there shopping with the lunatics!

Poor pitiful me. Not really

Happy Birthday Mr. King

*263*

 I knew it was going to be a tight week. I just hate when I have to face it. I have been paying bills off so that one point I will be all caught up. So this week, I had a few to pay at once and well, you know how it goes. I cancelled the gym memberships yesterday. That will save us $41 a month! Not a whole hell of alot but it is not going to a gym that we do not use. If we want to rejoin, it is no big deal. They always have specials to sign up. I have money for gas for midweek and food in the house. We will be fine. I just hate it. BUT all the good stuff on sale will be next week also. So I guess it is okay. (i am trying to convince myself.)

 So this will be a week of cooking from scratch and complaining cause I am tired and feel like shit. Normal everyday routine. I have a ton of dishes to do but I am not in the mood. I think my Autumn Fibro flare is kicking in. No biggie. It comes and then in a week or two it will be gone. I have to say that this water pill has done one good thing. All my clothes fit better. It got rid of all the bloat. I do not have as much of a stomach pooch. I love it! So with all this crap going on, I can feel good that my clothes feel a smidgen bigger on me then before.
   I am going to try to do the damn dishes plus work on the front yard some more. It is slow going but I almost have a bag filled of cuttings. My friend A told me I should plants some ornamental grass. I was thinking I could do that. I have never had it in the yard before. Plant it in the front. One on each side of the large bed then perennials in between. Less work for me! That will have to wait till next year. No extra for plants.

Wow, this is sounding sad sacky and I did not intend it. Please do not think I walk around with a hound dog look on my face. I just write about what is going on. If it is too sad, I understand if you do not to read. I have lost other people cause they do not want to hear it. I understand.
I am in a good mood except for not having any spending money this week. I have a dollhouse to build!
If I can find my xacto knives!!

Money Talk

Great Depression Bread Line

*267*

 I wanted to say that it is going well and not so well. I have spent money on things that are not in the budget for this week. Fred gave me some extra money because he got paid extra on Saturday. I was able to buy Broasted chicken for Saturday night dinner. I made the sides. I proceeded to use the rest of the money for gas, eggs, soda, and other odds and ends (food wise). I bought canning jars and laundry detergent. I could have not bought these things and still had money but I bought them and I do not feel bad. Today we all splurged on a donut each. Everyone pitched in.

So it is working in the sense that I am paying much more attention to the money then I used to. And I am going to stick with that. Every week, I am NOT going to take whatever I want to spend. I am only going to take the minimum amount that I allow myself.  I have a couple bills to pay this week and I have to grocery shop. I want to save money for my trip to Jersey after Mother`s day.
I am not going back to spending willy nilly. I have to continue this but not as dire. I am going to add another $50 to the grocery money and that should hold us over all week long. I SEE how much I can really buy with my money that I do not have to buy crap. I can buy meat and staples and have good meals.
 My blood sugars are phenomanal since I have been doing this. Normal range across the board because I changed the amount of insulin at meals and the amount of food I am eating is less. I have not noticed any weight loss but my pants are not as tight. So this is good too. Not so much junk in the house means more money and healthier us!

Tonight is going to be a cold weather meal fitting for this cold and wet day. Meatloaf, garlic mashed potatoes, buttered corn, and Jiff corn bread in the iron skillet. Nice stick to your ribs meal.

Mountain Climbing on tap

*271*

I remember this School House Rock vividly because of the kid getting a shot in the ass. I remember another one about being in the back of a truck. I have not found that one yet. This is what we watched on TV. It taught us. Same with Sesame Street and Electric Company. We learned from them. I will be in the nursing home talking about School House Rock, I bet.

No real reason for that. I stumbled upon it on the internet and thought I would share. Today is phase two of Natalie`s room. We are going to go through the clothing. If she doesn't like it and it is not owned by anyone else (she likes to *borrow*) then it goes in the bag for donation. She has this really nice hope chest that I bought from a friend for like $10 that she can put all her clothes in that she wants. The rest have to go. I am sick of looking at the fucking pile!
 I have gotten rid of clothing. Now it is her turn. We shall see how this goes. I do not have enough detergent to do a ton of wash today but I can probably squeak by a couple of loads.
My back leg hip thing is still bothering me but I am taking Advil knock offs for it and it is helping. If it is helping, then it is probably not nerves but some sort of swelling. Hopefully it will go the fuck away!
I have no plans to spend any money today. I have what I need for dinner. We are having soft tacos. Cleaning is keeping my mind off of not having any money to spend. The internet helps too!

Sciatica..NO!

*271*

  That picture has nothing to do what I am talking about but I had to post it! They are basically saying that Ovaltine will cure your night time rumination. You will not have anymore anxiety if you just drink some goddamn Ovaltine. Yeah, right. A Valium will help even better!

 I think I over did it yesterday. My right hip, buttock and down the leg hurt. It feels like sciatica all right. Just like when I hurt my back. But I did not hurt my back yesterday. I didn't lift, tug, or pull anything. I did not pop anything. I folded laundry. I have noticed for the past few days that my lower back has been hurting. If I stand too long. Like before. See...when you have had herniated disc, you know what it feels like. I can justify and talk it all away but it feels the same. I hope the fuck not.  I am going to just no do anything today and hope tomorrow and the next day will be better. I could have just pulled a muscle. Yeah, that`s what it is! It doesn't feel exactly like sciatica at all. Shit!
I need to start going to the gym again. My leakage is almost done. I will have to wait for this pain in my back to subside and then off to the gym to strengthen those muscles back there. I do not want anymore back surgeries! No sister! It hurts to sit too long and it hurts to bend over to pick stuff up. I am posting this as a benchmark for myself too. Just in case it does not go away on it`s own, I will know when it started to tell the Neuro.
You all must think I am a major mess. I just have learned to roll with it. This is my life. It sucks major ass sometimes but for whatever reason, I have to endure it. And I have so far. If I have another damn disc to be worked on, so be it. But I will wait. I will not have it done until the winter time. (this is unless the Dr says it needs to be done toot sweet.) But I am over thinking. Stop it! It is a pulled muscle.

  So no big spring cleaning projects for me today.
 I got the shock of my life yesterday though. Natalie cleaned the kitchen! She put color in her hair and she asked me to rinse it (shampoo/condition too). I said will you do the dishes. (i didnt want too) She said she would do what was in the sinks. She walked away. I got up and washed all in one sink, and tended to her hair. I know we had a deal but my ass hurts and I just did not want to argue.
Then I am sitting here contemplating that I HAVE to do the dishes so I can cook dinner. I hear her turn the water on. Girl put on rubber gloves, washed all the dishes (except for the bacon greasy frypan), put them all away, wiped down all the counters, and washed the floor! I was flabbergasted. THANK YOU!!! She has no idea. Gifts are nice but when someone does your work for you, that is a major blessing.

I did spend money yesterday after all. 
  Fred had the day off and I did not have enough chicken for all of us.

 So I did change.  As in, "I am going to do the change!" No? Okay. " I am going to take the change to the bank, put it in machine, and get cash for it!" *in sing song voice*

 Now now, do not go starting a charity for us or anything. I do change alot. See, Fred is a change hoarder. There are jars all over the house just for this purpose. When a particular jar we have gets high enough with change, I know there is $40-50 in it. Our credit union does not charge to change coin to cash with their machine either. So we went. I had $40.19 in change. I brought my $20 for gas for the Jeep. I also took out $20 from the ATM (do not slap me!) because Fred needed gas for the Nissan and he was broke too. So I had gas for both cars, big package of hamburger on sale!!!!, chicken for dinner last night, hot dogs b1g1 plus buns, and paper towels. Oh and ice cream. Plus a couple other things here and there. I had $50 to spend. I spent $45.
I was going to be buying hamburger on Friday anyway (package cost $13 for a little under 6 lbs), so that $20 was part of the shopping. The paper towels will last us until the following payday too. So it is all good.
Gas is $4.09 a gallon regular here in my neck of the woods. I hate it. I wish we did not have the Jeep sometimes even though I love it to death.

Oh! I also bought a packet of 6 brussel sprout plants for the garden for $1.99. So that money goes towards lots and lots of brussel sprouts to be par boiled and frozen for the winter.
I am really liking this strangle hold that I have on the money.  I will like it next week when I actually have more money in the food budget. But i am really digging the fact that I was able to no spend and I can pay this bill that is due. Usually I would just spend as usual and be fucked at the end of the month. Now I am not stressing it. I have the money to pay it. Well, I will on Friday.
  I am going to continue this. It is like a money diet. I might actually lose some weight too. Because I eat less because there are more people to feed and I do not cook TOO much food because I do not want to waste.

 I have babbled on enough. I want to do stuff today but I have to favor my bootay. Wonder what i can do that does not involve me sitting on my ass in front of a computer all day long...hmmm?

Drippy Nose will not stop me!

*271*    I have much to do and little old me can only do so much. Tree Pollen count is high today and I can feel it!  Today on my spring cleaning list is my bedroom. Am I the only one that turns their bedroom into the catch-all room? I have several laundry baskets full of clothing. Some are summer clothes that need to be switched out with winter. Some are clothes that I bought cause they were cute but still do not fit me (yeah, I am a nut), and some are just from the laundry that never got put away. So today I am going to make sure all the clothes have some place to go. I am also going to do some much needed dusting. I dust but when it comes to my room, it is a once a month adventure. I should dust more because where we live, it accumulates. Dust Bunnies start rolling around in this house. And that is not me being dirty. We live in semi close proximity to Interstate 95.  We are not like right next to it but close enough that dust kicks up.
Yesterday, I spent $7 total like I had said. Today I plan on spending nothing. I will have to get gas soon. I have $20 set aside for that. I think I can hold off until tomorrow to get it but we shall see.  I have calculated that I will have $100 on Friday to buy some meat and fridge foods. Then Fred will give me $50 on Saturday for gas. I am going to try very hard not to go over my budget again by buying a pizza or something of that sort.
  I want to see if I can do this more. Every week. Just buy groceries but a bit more then I have been buying because of money constraints. Gas for the Jeep, bills, and that is it.
I have wanted to see if I could do this for the longest time but I always have outside influences and my own lack of willpower fighting me,
 Let us see how long I can do it. I will be honest if I spend on something. I want to be able to pay my bills, have groceries in house, scripts, and gas for the cars without stressing myself into a stroke half the time.
  So, No plans for spending anything today. I might buy gas but probably not.
Off to the dust bunny wars!

Just fiddling

*271*
  You are probably a little shocked and wondered if you landed on another blog
. No no no!
 I just felt like doing some cyber space spring cleaning and while I was at it, I changed the rug and drapes, moved some furniture around. It has been 2 years (I think) and I have had it look the same. That is highly unusual for me. I am a furniture re-arranger at the heart. Always have been. My Mom would come home and the livingroom would be all changed around. Same with my bedroom. It did not change when I got my own place. Now I do not do that as much anymore. After the disc surgery being BECAUSE I like to move furniture, I do not do it unless I have lots of help. Sucks balls but what am I  going to do.
 The lavender jelly is a hit. It tastes really good. BUT big jars of it is a definite no-no. I made two pint jars of it for our own consumption. Both Fred and I said it will take FOREVER for us to finish that jelly. It is not a peanut butter and jelly kind of product. It is a scone or english muffin kind of product. Something in small jars that you use when you want something sweet and different on your baked goods.
 It is a gloomy MF of a day today. It rained all day yesterday. ALL DAY! I did have a good day though. I went out with two of my friends for a very long lunch. I was treated so I did not blow my budget plans. No No..I did not do that till later.
  I get home around 5pm. The house is dark, dank, and gloomy. The kitchen is a hot mess and I have not defrosted one thing. Totally not on purpose. I thought we would go have lunch at noon and I would be back by 2pm. We had lots to gossip and talk about. It was nice.
So I bought one pizza pie. $13.00 for a large pepperoni. I felt bad but then I just did it. I am right back on the game plan today. I was going to say fuck it and buy coffee this morning. Then I said no. I can use the cash that I have in my wallet to buy eggs and milk that we need in the house. I made coffee.
So today I have not spent any money. I will buy the eggs and milk in a bit. I am in slow mo today. I woke up at 9, took Chelsea to work, made coffee, and fiddled with this blog. Girl had stuff to do!

So if you hate it, do not worry. I will probably change it again tomorrow. I am never fully happy. It took me over an hour to finalize what I did today.

Have a nice Monday all!

Day One..wish me luck

*271*

I have $200. Fred will give me $50 this week and $50 next week. So I will have $300 to keep me afloat. This is not bill money. This is gas for the car. Any groceries I cant live without like animal food. I know that logically, I can do it. But I have two girls and a boy that like to eat alot of take out. So I have to be very wise with this money or we will be fucked up the ass next week. I am doing this because I screwed up again on my spending.
So remember what I said yesterday?? I am going to start it today. I actually started it yesterday but today is payday.

Okay, be strong Heidi!
Pudding sounds good for dessert, huh? Someone is having banana pudding today and that just sounded good to me.
Cheeseburger Macaroni today (i did not cook yesterday except for ramen).

Happy Friday.

No fooling around now!

*271*

I have had enough of struggling with money. Ever since we bought the Jeep and then lost the $500 a month from SS for Natalie being an adult..I have been struggling. We should have never ever bought a car but there was no stopping THAT train. I will not get into it.
I have medical bills, a dental bill, Ruby has to be fixed before September, we owe the IRS a smidge, plus the regular living expenses, and having two *kids* that think I should still pay for everything. AND I have not saved one penny for the trip to Denver. Not one! At this rate, I truly doubt I can get the $1000 together for the trip. So I am calling for drastic measures.
I already warned Chelsea and I am going to tell Natalie and Raymond. If they bat their eyes at me like I am speaking a foreign language, I am gonna smack them.
They want to smoke..they have to pay for it. I am not buying one more pack of cigarettes anymore. No more take out. No more $1 menu. No more 99c cans of iced tea. No more trips to Dunkin Donuts (me too). No more wasting gas. No more scratch offs or lottery tickets. No more gulps at 7-11. No more eyebrow threading.
The list goes on and on. Natalie will be finished with school in June. Then she is going to help me with the jam making. IF FRED EVER TAKES ME TO MEET MR. MOSEY. (dont get me started!). If she helps me 100%, I will share the profits with her. Then she has one semester in the fall and she is done. She can get a good job at the hospital if she wants it.
I am trying to trim the fat before the floor drops out. I want to be comfortable and be able to pay all my bills without sweating every single month. It is ridiculous. I am constantly stressed. Then I get attitude because I did not buy enough quick microwave foods to eat or I do not have money to buy pizza.
I am not saying I will never buy another pizza but once a fucking month. Not every fucking week.
 Drowing is not fun! Especially when you can prevent it. I am going to live like it were just Fred and I. We can live without stuff. I will make sure there is plenty of food but I am not doing any extras. If it were up to me, no take out, basic cable, no netflix, no gym membership, and no smoking allowed!

So today is where it starts. For this week and next week, I will have exactly $250 to spend (total not each week) for groceries and gas. I have bills to pay at the end of the month and I am squeaking by. Fred might be able to give me some extra cash from his part time job but I am going to sock that away for my trip to Jersey to Dale`s house. I want to have some fun while I am there. I am leaving room empty in my suitcase for thrift store shopping!
I want to be able to get by on a certain amount. Pay my bills on time. Not have an exessive electric bill. There will be plenty of food to eat, just not taco bell. Like tonight is going to be home made cheeseburger macaroni. I have big block of Velveeta and I know how to use it! hehehe

So for NOW..I am not turning anything off. I want to see if i can do this with cutting the fat first. If it works, cool.
Wish me luck and hope I do not pop a blood vessel with these kids getting mad at me all the time with me constantly saying NO.
If you have any recipes to share that stretches your food dollars, please share here. I love that.

Blood, Budgets, and Busted computer

*267*

  I am in a rare mood today. It started off good and then went off the rails. The dogs fighting is driving me insane. The two squirts cant stand Ruby. They tell her so every chance they get. It is like a jackhammer in my ears. So if I start to get mean or depressive (which I will try hard not to be), you have fair warning.
 I had a couple things happen to me yesterday. First off, I realize that I do not have much of an appetite anymore. I am going to have to make a conscience effort to remember to eat. Because of not eating, I could have passed out in the grocery store yesterday. I have NEVER had a low blood sugar reaction come on me that fast. EVER. I have always had time to say, Rut Roh, better eat something. I was lucky I was in the check out, I bought the food, started to leave, opened my juice, a box of wafer cookies (that I had gotten for Natalie) and ate. I was with Chelsea which was a bonus. After about 10 minutes, I was better. I came home and had a proper lunch. That scared me. Never Ever has that happened. I would never let it get to that point but it was like I had no warning. My sugars have been hard to control and that is part of the reason I think I have that gastroparesis. I called the Gastro office to find out if my blood work results came in today but they are on a half day. No Dr in the office now. I have to wait until tomorrow.

   I am trying to find a nice free budget program that will help with calculating month to month my expenses and such. I dont want to do Mint or any of the others like it. I am not looking for them to poke into my bank accounts. I just want to work a budget. I did write out (on paper) all of our expenses and our income. If I did not stray from the budget, I would have money saved for Denver every month, all the bills paid, and have money left over to put in savings. I cant seem to keep my hands off the extra money. It is because of the girls. They seriously need to be sat down. Chelsea needs to contribute financially starting right away. She will complain that she is poor but I will counter that we are ALL poor, we are a family, and we have to stick together. If she wants a bill to pay instead, she can be responsible for the cable bill or a combo of bills that make up $100 or more. She makes very little a month so I want her to be able to save AND have pocket money, but this free ride bullshit has got to end. Natalie is going to school now and she is very motivated. I am scared that if I make her get a job too, she might tank. She is so much better then what she was but I do not want to freak her out. But she needs to work if she wants money. I cant keep giving her cash. I cant keep giving Raymond gas money. I do it because he helps with taking her to school. But if she had a job, she would give it to him instead.
 What do I have to do to be able to save money? Please do not tell me to become a couponer. I will never do it. I will spend an hour clipping coupons and such and then I will lose interest. I never could. I am talking about fluid money. If i buy groceries, and fill the Jeeps tank..I will have $40 a week for myself as pocket money. I do not want to use this for take out. I have been trying to eliminate take out all together but these girls are making it very hard.
Help me grow some balls!
 After all the work that was done on this computer, the internet is acting iffy. Come to find out after alot of research on Chelsea` s part, it has to do with Windows 7. They have never made a patch to fix it. So I have a computer with an operating system that dislikes the internet. I sent an email to the tech that worked on it (and it goes to his supervisor). I am really quite tired of the fact that this brand new computer has so many issues. Chelsea says that if we have XP, it will be fine and dandy. Essentially, if they let me mail them the computer, and they send me one with XP on it, even fucking better! But we know that will not happen. I do not blame the tech. So far, he has done a great job. Crossing fingers that we get some great results this time with this problem.

There..there..that wasnt too bitchy, now was it. I still feel like shit though. I accomplished a small amount of tasks today. I was supposed to wash the dogs..nope. I hope it is still warm tomorrow cause it really isnt going to happen today. I do not even want to cook.

Food Budget

*267*

I think I have used this picture before but it fits into what I am talking about so I am gonna use it.
  I did not go grocery shopping in the classical sense this past Friday. I went to the food co-op to pick up a few odds and ends for the vegetarian but otherwise, I did not go. I have food in the fucking house. Lots of fucking food. In the freezers and in the cabinets. The only thing I really need to buy on a weekly is toilet paper, paper towels, and some dairy. I need to pop into the store today and pick up coffee grounds and cream. I am TRYING to save money. I spend $100 a week (give or take) on groceries. That is $400, sometimes $500 a month! That is fucking ridiculous. Granted, if there is a sale on those big packages of hamburger or pork chops, my ass is going for it. But I should not be spending that amount of money. I need to hark back to when people made due. You cooked everything from scratch..except the bread. I will do some artisan bread for grins and giggles but I am not baking household sandwich bread.
  I want to see if I can cut our food spending to $200 a month BUT there will be alternate months where I will spend that extra to fill up the cabinets. Enough of spending tons of money on food that ends up in the garbage.
 There is a smell in my fridge that I cannot distinguish where it is coming from. Fred and I did a sweep of it yesterday. I tossed out anything old or suspicious. There was nothing that made us go EEWWWW!
Smell is still there. I will have to clean the fridge.
But see what I mean. I threw out about $30 worth of food. There are people in this country that cannot afford that luxury. So I am going to stop it in our house. It is going to be eaten dammit! Before it goes bad.
I will shop this Friday. I will need to.
But for this week, I did not.

The *You don`t give a shit so I don`t give a shit* budget!

*278*

As I was about to wash dishes for the 100k time...I realized something. One kid is upstairs watching Netflix on MYandFred`s new tv, and the other kid is watching Netflix on the downstairs tv. They are 22 and 17 and they are not planning on lifting a fucking finger. All last week I had to trek one kid places for work without a single solitary thanks. The other one wants take out food all the fucking time and if she doesnt get it..she gives me that look of hate.
You know what? I stopped washing dishes and came over here to the computer to write this. I need a new computer badly. I need to pay all my bills on time, and I need to stop hemorrhaging money..STAT!

  I have tried this before but it did not work. I am going to do this! I am going to piss off my kids! I am going to say NO NO NO!
 Starting this Tuesday (Yale on Monday), I am going to live and spend frugally.  No take out. No trips to the store. No $5 package of some shit she just has to have to cook some obscure recipe that she will probably never make again! NO MORE!
  This money is OURS...meaning ME and FRED.
I think I am pissed that I get no help at all but they expect me to jump through hoops to give when they ask. I am tired of being taken for granted and I dont care if they hate me!


Wow...I just continue to bitch.

According to my calculations, I can save $1200 a month. That is after bills, prescriptions, gas, groceries, and even a new car payment when we get one. So we/i/them blow all the friggin money on bullshit!  So this is what I am going to do. I will plan it out more today.

Battle of the budget

New London Alleyway

*281*
 Sometimes lately I feel like this is my life. A narrow steep hill. Not exactly my life but everyone`s life really. It all comes down to money, honey. I had to run out to the cable company this morning and pay the bill...cause we were shut off..yet again.  I am going to be 42 years old in 16 days and I cannot keep the bills paid on time. I am not spending on anything frivolous or going to the casino. I am just buying food, gas, coffee, newspaper, and the bills are just higher then they have ever been. The mortgage is paid, the electricity is paid, and the water is paid..always! I have to scrape money together to buy oil when it is time and the rest of the bills wait until I get a shut off notice and then I pay them. I am basically robbing Peter to pay Paul.
  And I know that I am not the only one. I have always been frugal. I think that I am not frugal enough now. I have been thinking of the idea of either getting rid of cable all together or downgrading to the basic package. We have the internet and Netflix (so worth the $10 a month!).  I dont know anymore.
So I am going to do the old budget dance but this time I am going to be serious. This is how much we have, this is how much the bills are, this is what is leftover. That is it!
Chelsea does not give us a penny of her money to help out, and that has to change. She either has to start giving us money every paycheck or she has to find another place to live. Wow, I said it out loud..for others to read.  When Natalie finishes school, she will have to find work and either go or stay and pay.  You see, I get social security disability. For the past 8 years, I have been getting money for the girls also. Well, 2011 will be the last year that I will get money for Natalie. She turns 18 in October and the last check will probably be in September. It will be a loss of almost $500 a month. Big chunk. Scary sort of. I know we will manage but it will be hard. So this year is the year of change in terms of money and how we spend it.
I may document (kinda sorta) what I am doing, what I am learning, and how I am saving. Losing weight and gaining money!

First on the agenda is food. I was going to get something simple and easy for dinner tonite but then I decided as I was leaving the cable company parking lot that I am NOT going to do that. I am going to cook dammit!  So tonight is going to be my famous egg rolls. I have the hamburger and spring rolls skins defrosting. I also took out a steak that I bought last month for the carne asada for Un-Thanksgiving...It was an extra and I think I am going to make it again for dinner tomorrow.
So for now, that is what I am dealing with...money and how to spend and not to spend it.

Wish me luck!