I have some truths (and fears) to tell. These are things that I have noticed since I started gaining weight from 240 to now.
-I struggle to put my socks and shoes on.
-I do not fit in the tub like I used to and I am afraid the next time I take a bath, I wont be able to get out on my own.
-I have difficulty painting my toenails...and I love to have them painted.
-I am disgusted by the way that I look. I see my Mother staring back at me.
-My stomach is too big. I am waiting for someone to ask me when the baby is due.
-For months I had nothing to wear after my back surgery because I had grown too fat to fit into them.
-I am looking for instant gratification when there is none.
-I fear that Fred will leave me for someone that is not so disgusting looking.
-I wish I could just wake up and be less large.
-Last September I wore a X-large..Now I wear a 3x.
-I do not look in the mirror.
There. I have said some stuff. Not proud of them.
I am not side show freak fat but to me it hurts physically and emotionally. I am dressed for a walk..by myself. I hope no one yells out at me from their cars.
Heidi ( BIG HUGS) Fred is such a great guy so are your children. I can tell they all love you dearly. I don't think they care one bit if your a little over weight skinny, rich or poor. The love you for who you are. Not for who want to be. Real love, friends and family love no matter what the circumstances are.
ReplyDeleteI would be glad to move up in your area for a month and we can do boot camp. Army style.
Love YA CHICKIE...
ps. If someone calls you a name give them the thumbs up. It will mind fuck with them.
Thank you dear. I am just in a kick me mood. I did take the walk. The 2 mile up the big fucking hill, down a big fucking hill, and up a really STEEP fucking hill. It took me 30 minutes so I have not lost my stride.
ReplyDeleteI just have to do that every fucking day now. Every Day!
Except Sunday..hehehe
Remember...A true friend doesn't care when you're broke, being a bitch, or what you weigh. I read your blog off and on and while I don't know if I have an answer to your question(s), I am here to say that I support you. Big hugs! Remember life is a journey not a race. It's the little things that count, day by day.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate it Muser..I was having a real Kick-Me day yesterday. I am feeling better today.
ReplyDelete