Saturday, March 17, 2012
This was about grilling but got depressing real quick
It is St Patrick`s day today. We are not doing boiled dinner. I made our corned beef on Thursday. It was good. I do not have a stitch of green on and I do not desire a green beer. So there!
I think I am a bit depressed today. I have been waking up at like 11am every morning lately. Never fails. 11am. The whole fucking morning is gone. It is gloomy today. I made the mistake of saying that I would make burgers and steak on the grill today. I have one grill outside and I have a brand new charcoal grill that needs to be assembled. I do not want to do it. It is not hard. I have done it before. I just do not want to. I had to FORCE myself to write an article today for the dollhouse newsletter I am a part of. I got it done though.
I need to figure out a way to make more money. I have come to the conclusion that if I do not, life is gonna suck for a long time. We struggle all the time now. I never have a nice relaxing day because my shoulders are always up above my ears. I have bills, taxes, home repairs, medical bills...it never ends. NEVER!
I was going to cancel the gym memberships but Natalie and Fred do not want me to. It would save me $40 a month but they want me to continue to pay it for some reason. I guess it looks good to be part of a gym that you NEVER go to. *rolling eyes* As you can tell, my weight hasnt dropped one pound. I have not gained but I have not lost either. I am weak in some aspects of my physical body that I never noticed before.
I am just a sad, depressed person that has no real life like other people and it bothers me to no end. I cant even work a job like other people because of my failing body and depressed mind. I feel like I do not contribute one bit to anything.
What the fuck do I do? I cook meals for my family. I clean a bit each day. I read a book or watch a movie. I am a fucking taxi driver.
That is not a life. Getting out of the house to drop somebody off someplace is NOT getting out. Friends of mine go out all the time. ALL THE TIME. It is like I am missing out on my 40s cause I am a downer to hang out with.
I need to stop! You are all gonna read this and tell me to snap out of it. Get a med check. Shut up. Or you will walk away.
This is not being an uplifting, feel good blog anymore. I think the money troubles are consuming me and I cannot think of anything positive.
Like I could talk about how I will plant lots of herbs this year but then I can say that I cannot start the seeds because I cannot afford to buy the planting medium.
I could lie and pretend everything is wonderful. How does that sound? Should I do that?
Lots of my friends are doing so well and I am not. I am sad and jealous and there is nothing i can do to change that.
So I should wrap this up and attempt to put a grill together. OR I could play Slingo and go back to bed.