I am a bit depressed. It is not hormonal in the sense that I am getting my period. Already dealt with that this month. I think it is a bunch of things.
I do not see Fred as much as I used to because of work. I miss him terribly. I am alone much more because the girls have up and found some lives for themselves. It is just me and the animals alot of the time. And my bestie has got herself a man now. I am so happy for her but now I am a big lonely depressed sad sack. No wonder I am losing weight. There is no one to cook for and I am depressed anyway. I basically live on coffee and dinner. Dont yell at me for not eating. My ass is fat. I got enough padding to last me for awhile. I have nothing to do but housework and that makes me sad. I was reading with all my friends on Facebook were going to do for Friday night and the weekend. I got really sad because that is not me. That is how fucking insidious Depression is. It can make you be sad that people are in a corn maze at night freezing their asses off and you aren't. LOL
I also think I have an infection in my ears and I think it is not a garden variety ear infection. I think it is my mastoids. They have always had a minimal amount of congestion but no one ever thinks to deal with it. Now I think it is getting to the point they need to be dealt with. Do I go to Dr in New Haven that I have not seen in years? Do I see the local Dr? Or do I try to get in to see Fred`s ENT in New Haven? Who knows.
So I was about to lay on the couch with the dog and be all maudlin when I hear the familiar high pitched tinny scream of a mouse caught by a cat. Milo caught his first mouse from the basement! Good boy. He was clueless with what to do with it. He injured it enough that the mouse hid in the bristles of my broom and dustpan. It kept screeching. I had to take action. I know what decomposing mouse smells like and it aint pretty!
I put on my shoes...cause if that mouse touched my feet..I would freak the fuck out.
I picked up broom and dust pan at same time and kind of pressed the mouse down. It stopped screaming but it was still moving. I went out on the porch and I flung that mouse..it flew in the air and landed in the neighbor`s yard. Good riddance mousey!
I should be honest though. As I was listening to the mouse scream for help, I called Fred on the phone. He did not answer. So I had to deal with it myself. Usually he deals with the any rodents. Yup, another job for me to do.
Can I lay on the couch now and be pitiful?
Yay! about the losing weight! I am so sorry you are going through all of this right now. Could you talk to hubby about the way you are feeling? Maybe you can plan a special day together. Maybe you could look into a cake decorating class or something like that? They are only a couple of days a week, but it would give you something to look forward to. You might even meet some new peple. Just trying to help :)
ReplyDeleteThanks.
ReplyDeleteI did talk to him. Money is money, honey. And I get that. I truly do! We are fortunate that we are not suffering as badly as other people are and part time job is part of the reason why. I would never tell him not to do it, because that would take a large chunk of money away. He takes me out to dinner once a week out of guilt.
This is when I see him:
We sleep in the same bed.
He leaves before I wake up to go to the shop,
(days works at hospital) he comes home at 1pm.
I get to talk to him for like 20 minutes. Then he gets ready for work and leaves at 2pm.
He works till 11:15pm
He stops at the shop after work till 1am.
(this happens 5 days a week)
On his days off from hospital.
He goes to the shop at 9am-whenever. 6,7,8pm. He eats dinner. We talk for a bit. If it was busy at shop, he will go back. If not, he will go to bed, watch tv, and fall asleep.
So I SEE him. and I TALK to him but in bits and pieces.
I know I should not whine about it because he is working his ass off to make sure we are comfortable.
I guess I need to just get over being alone.
Doesn't make it easier I know. I know as long as you keep communication open that is a big plus. I wouldn't say he takes you out to dinner out of guilt, but that he gets you alone without kids and the house for a couple of hours. It gives you time for just the 2 of you! Like I said if you need to talk I will listen!
ReplyDeleteGood cat. I wouldn't want to deal with the mouse either. Hubby works a lot. Sometimes work get addictive a least to me. When I know everything is going well at home. I feel better about working so much.
ReplyDelete