Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Long fingernails are a chore

 I am a habitual nail biter.
   I have been chewing on my nails since I do not remember when. Let`s just say all my life. I am a certain kind of biter though. I bite them straight across, not too short, and never the cuticles. I am not one of those *chewing the quick* kind of gals. That was my sister and that is gross. You bite till there aint no nail left..eeewww! Wait. Let me stop! I am judging another type of nail biter and you could be who I am judging..so I will stop. Equal opportunity nail biting. Except for those that can bite their toes. Ewwww!
   There was a point back in the 80s when the fake nails became all the rage. You went to the salon to get tips glued on and then the hard shit put on top and they took out the Dremel and made them all smooth. Toxic shit but they gave you long beautiful nails. This was before the Asian places that did the air brushing. You paid $20 for a full set. $10 for a fill. The nails would last about so long on me I couldn't resist the urge! I would start biting them off.  Hopeless case, I is.
 I realized after I stopped smoking that I did not bite my nails like I used to. I used to bite out of anxiety, boredom, and evenness of nails. Now I notice that I bite if I break one. Or I get fucking sick of them.  Who enjoys picking shit out of the nails all the time? I know I do not. Or you paint your nails and then they fucking chip. The only good thing about them is the ability to scratch yourself and your spouse.
 My nails are not long right now. They are good tapping on the table nails. I am surprised they have lasted this long. Four of them have chipped green polish and the rest are clean. I have a broken pinky nail and the others are shivering in fright. I am gonna get sick of these bastards and I will bite them all off one by one. I will put the nail file to them and see if that gives them another days reprieve.
 Spring will be here before you know it and I do not like to wear gloves when I dig. These suckers were goners before they knew it.

Maybe I will paint them red.

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