Sunday, October 7, 2012

My brain needs a life jacket!

Not for the topic but I like it
I was a fucktard and looked up the cranial pressure thing that the ENT told me I had. It is a syndrome! The CSF is a symptom. I also have the blurred vision (on and off) that I thought meant I needed glasses. And I have the ringing in both my ears. So it is a safe bet that this is what I have. Now I have to worry about going fucking blind! Great. What the hell did I ever do to deserve this shit? Huh? Really! Did I kill babies in a past life or something cause I just do not get it. How strong do you expect me to be?? What IT is called is Intercranial hypertension. Yes, I went online and found this. I know some of you are gonna shake your head at me but you know what, I want to know. I have all the symptoms, right down to the beeeep that I hear in my ears. He told me that I probably have it but not in those words. Is there a box anyplace that I can crawl into now?
   You can take a diuretic for it (GREAT!), which will be my best bet. I guess they can find one that does not make me feel like mega shit all the time. Now just  guess what can put it into remission......Losing all the fat. Fat women are more prone to intercranial hypertension. Lose all the weight and it might go into remission. It works most of the time. There is a list on there of all the possible types of doctors you will see because of this. One of them is a bariatric dr. Am I actually going to have to get my stomach stapled?  Really? That was one thing I thought I would never ever do. There are also other nasty things they can do to treat this. I do not want to talk about those because it goes into my file of scary hurtful shit that I do not want to do. So unless this leak is just a fluke, it is a symptom of a larger problem that there is no cure for. I am going to hope there is a slim chance that I do not have this. I guess my haters will be happy, huh?
So there is no more dilly dalling around with this fatness. I have to lose it. The only caveat about the whole thing is most of us with this have a hard time exercising. I can walk with Fred and or Natalie. But I could not tolerate gym equipment until they get the pressure under control. Cause some days I feel good and then others like last night, I felt like my head was in a vice.

This is the first time in my life that I can truly say that I am fucked up in the head and mean it!

Wow, this shit is no joke. I cant cry yet because I am still in some sort of denial over the whole thing. Do not worry. It will show up eventually.

I took this lovely picture yesterday outside of the grocery store parking lot. Now I am not prone to doing this, that is why I cropped off his head. The rest is shame enough. It was Oct 6 and we had some Indian summer going on. I did not have a jacket on and I was wearing my flip flops. Rainbow and I went to get supplies for dinner and as we were ready to leave, this is what we gander. The dude was polishing his car in the parking lot like he was at home in his drive way. SMH. This morning it is 42 deg F. All the windows are closed and I am a bit cold without my sweater.

Fred and I have been asked to go out to dinner with his friend that is a Nurse Practitioner. She wants to finally meet me and talk to us about what i have in store for myself. We are going to a eatery called Plan B. I have to decide which burger I want to consume. I love me a blue cheese burger but I think I want to try something different. They have healthy options too like no bun for the burger (just on a bed of greens) and other things. I thought I would share that with you so you can drool with me.

Hope you have a nice Sunday. Stay warm!


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