It is a freaky kind of a day

*266*

 I did not sleep well last night. It was humid as all get out and I woke up around 3am and went downstairs to the couch with the ac. I am not in any pain but it was a fitful sleep. Maybe that is why I feel the way I do. I feel like something is wrong. Or maybe not that something is wrong but I do not know how to explain it. Life has just been down hill all year and it feels like a cloud has been following most of the time. I am not talking about depression either. There just isnt much to be happy about when something shitty is right on its heels.

  This has been 2012 so far. Two friends died, a family member died, money has been tight as a drum all year with no relaxation , Fred hasn't been feeling well, I haven't been feeling well,  I am still waiting for my new chapter  to start, the garden was not good this year, and good people are having a hard time keeping their shit together. I realized yesterday that as much as it kills me, I cannot save the world. Your average middle class family cannot afford to pay their bills anymore. They are working, they deleted all the frills (cable, dinner out, etc) and they just cant get ahead. They are just trying to survive. And it hurts me that I cannot help. I know that I have to be practical because we are trying to survive too. I am worried about what is going to happen with our food prices in the coming months. Am I going to be able to afford to heat the house? Gas just went up to $4.06 a gallon regular today. I am not much of a doomsday person but the winter months are coming and I have not prepared enough.
 I think it is all creeping up on me. This has been a very hard year for us financially. We took a hit when Natalie turned 18. Life can and will get better but being so frugal is very tiring. I want to splurge! I miss buying towels at Home Goods! I want to be the old Middle Class again!
 I miss my friend. I know we were not close for quite a few years but I feel like I lost an opportunity to get back with her in some small capacity. Now that is gone. I still shed a tear over her from time to time.

 Yeah. I just feel unsettled. If I could just go to bed, watch Supernatural on Netflix, eat chips and have no one bother me for the rest of the day..that would be lovely. But that is not gonna happen. I have a role that I must fulfill every single day and the world is off kilter if I do not do it.

Being a loving wife and mother is some tiring shit!

Rant away!

*264*

Blame it on my hormones but I am due for a fucking rant.
 I have a question. How would you like it if you spent an hour cleaning the living room, top to bottom and came downstairs the next morning and it was a big mess again? AND the mess wasn't made by a bunch of 10 year olds but by a bunch of young adults!  When you ask them to HELP you, a couple things may happen. Blank stares like you are talking a foreign language, Protests that they didnt do it, or giving a half assed effort just to get you off their back. You only see that help when you ask for it. It never comes every day or even every week. You always have to practically beg this young adult to help you.
 I am just having a bad day and I am thinking about all the things that are going on in the world. Fred lost his part time job. That money helped every week. Now it is gone. We do not have that extra to help pay for gas for the cars or when we run out of cream for our coffee. Now I have to budget those things back into the meager amount I have been working with this past few months. I am scared about the winter.
 Will I be able to keep up warm? Food prices are going to go up. Am I going to be able to hoard enough now before it really gets bad?  I have too many adults living here that are not contributing at all. Not one bit.

I just explained to Natalie that I feel like I am pushing a boulder up hill every single day and I am not making any progress at all. I get shit clean and then somebody comes along and fucks it up. Why are you dropping shit on the floor and not picking it up? Total disrespect on my part.

But then I am supposed to go out of my fucking way to do this and that for you all. And god forbid I say no.
Yup. That about sums it up. I am the ONLY one that is worried about the next few months. I am the ONLY one that is making plans to secure food for us, just in case the prices go through the roof.
If I get my feelings brushed aside one more time, I am going to fucking lose it.

Now I have to go wash all the dishes...again. I just washed them all yesterday. I do not have a dishwasher. I am the dishwasher.

Skinny Saturday..I wish!

*264*<---WooHoo!

    I am doing something right. Ever since I have been taking the correct amount of insulin, keeping my sugars down, and wanting to keep them down..the weight has gone down bit by bit. I know that if I can get fired up about going to the gym, it will drop like sweat off a fat chick`s ass. oh yeah, that`s me! Natalie has noticed that I have been eating much less. It is called the Recession diet. You eat less so that there is enough food for everyone else. I know that sounds bad to some of you that live way above MY means (you know who you are), but this is a fact of life for many Mom`s out there now.  You give the biggest portion to hubby/wife or the main worker cause he/she is working hard and needs the calories, then you have everyone else get their food with the warning that they can only have so much cause others have to eat too. So Chelsea and Fred get the largest portions and then Natalie and Raymond and then me. I get whatever is left. There have been times were I have gotten 1 chicken wing and some sides for dinner. I did not complain though. I am losing weight from it and my sugars are doing well. It will hopefully get better once I start working. That stipend will make a difference.
  Today I am going to work on the livingroom. Carefully pull out couches (do not want to bust another disc) and clean underneath. Anything that I deem garbage has to go. All the curtains need to be taken down and washed. I do not dry them. I was taught to hang them in the windows wet. Then you do not have to iron them.
 The weather is absolutely gorgeous. The dew point is low and there is a nice breeze. Good time to wash the windows also. I know. I know. I sound like a damn freak cause I like to wash windows. I actually kind of do. I WISH I had newer windows though.

Oh well. No biggie.

Sunday is going to be a cooking day. I have some cucumbers that I bought at the Farmer`s market. I am going to make a few jars of bread and butter pickles. There are not a huge amount. They were charging $2 a lb! That is a lot when you need many cukes to slice for each jar. I guess I will have enough to make a personal batch for the family this year. I was hoping to make some to send to friends but I don't know about that right now. Maybe I will get some more next week. I have no idea what I am cooking for Sunday dinner yet cause I am waiting to get some grocery money. I hate life sometimes. It is all about hurry up and wait.

Hope you all have a nice Saturday and a cool breeze on your face.

Ahhh! September!

*266*

 Ahhhh Choo! My allergies are kicking up again. Fall is coming. I can tell. I will be okay. Once all the leaves are bagged and stashed up in the top yard, I will be right as rain.

Natalie signed up for school on Monday. She starts on September 4, the day after Labor Day. She is going to school in the mornings, not early, so that she can finish quicker then when she was taking them at  night. She just wants to get it done. Her guidance counselor told her that is she stayed the course and got alot done this first semester (Sept-Dec), she could finish by June of next year. So this year and she will be done. YES!

   For some strange reason, I have had some bursts of energy this past week. And it is not knocking me down like it usually does. I wonder if it has to do with my hormones or that my sugars are in balance more now then ever. Or a combo of things. I have been nesting dammit. I haven't been like this since I was a younger Mom. My house was never perfection but I always made sure the living room, kitchen, and the bathrooms were clean for sanitary reasons and when people came over. Always. Plants were always watered, kitchen was basically clean. Now the bedrooms could be another story but you can close the door. Now, I have not moved into my former self and I would NEVER say I was in remission cause that would be a big letdown if I wasn't...I am just enjoying the *manic* of the moment and know that it will not last long.
 Both of the girl`s have man friends and one of them is going to be coming to the house in the second week of September. I am not saying who cause that is her business right now. But yeah, so every day I have been doing something around here. Deep fucking cleaning. My house is no where near perfection and until I get the subfloors replaced and new flooring, it will always smell like dog (it has since we moved it, worse now). So that embarrasses me. But I digress. The dude is coming. Nothing I can do about that.

  I have been having issues with my Meniere`s Disease lately. I was diagnosed about 6 years ago. It has always been on the mild side but not anymore. It has slowly been creepying up on me the last 6 months or so. I have done really well for years in controlling it but watching my salt intake. I would have like one attack a year, if that. Now I am dizzy alot. I do not have true vertigo, thank goodness! But the ENT warned me that it would get more intense.
 The kicker for me was I was sitting here at the computer, I heard a loud noise outside, and it triggered me to feel like I was moving when I wasn't. It was a weird feeling that I cannot describe. I stood up and for a second I thought maybe we were having an earthquake (they happen here) but I looked out the side window and saw my neighbor. He was pulling metal patio furniture across the cement patio (scraping). That was the noise and that triggered my *attack*. I had not felt well for days and I thought I was getting sick with a cold or something. I even puked.  I just couldn't shake it off. Then this happened. Afterward, I realized it was a MD attack and I rested and I felt better after a couple hours. You can read all about Meniere`s Disease<----here. So I have an appointment with my ENT in New Haven on the 7th. We will make a bit of a day. Go to Dr, go to Ikea, go to lunch, and the bakery, and Oh..Pick up the man friend from the train!

  I have another bit of news. I knew about this back in May but I did not know for sure until this week. I am going to try to  go back to work. Sometime this week I need to go over to Social Security and inform them that I want to try their program. You can be on disability and go back to work. I discussed it with my boss and I think I can reasonably work 3 hours a day Monday-Thursday. I do not want to over do it. This is me putting a baby toe in the pond of the workforce to see if I can do a small, non stressful part time job. It is a small shop, I will be answering his phones, and doing some work in the shop (prepping stuff). When there is down time, he is going to teach me how to play guitar. I already brought ours over there. He is going to string it and tune it and I will be all set. It is part of my employment. LOL I always wanted to learn, so I am taking the chance. 
 It took awhile to transpire because the city that the shop was in was making him and his partner jump through hoops to open. They finally got the signage okay on Monday. He has to get some work in to build up the money for the business (he is popular around the area with what he does) and I can start work mid-end of September.
I am uber psyched. He knows I am on disability and he told me the job is not stressful on your mind, body or soul. Since I do not need more hours or insurance, that saves them.  I will be able to make enough to replace the money that was lost when Natalie turned 18, and if I only work so many hours, I can collect and work indefinitely. If I find that I could work way more, and make way more, then I will and we will see what happens to SS. I am not going to go down that road right now. If you or someone you know is on Social Security Disability and is thinking they want to go back to work, there are tons of different publications online that will point you in the right direction.


  I am going to a BBQ with old high school friends on the 1st. There will be Mojitos. I just need to make sure that I keep an eye on my carb load, my alcohol consumption and my sugars. I will be a good dooby. My friend does not live in the same town so I will have a bit of a drive home if I start feeling shitty. Oh and do not worry about me. I never drink and drive. Ever. I am a huge stickler about that shit.
The only other thing that I can think of about next month is Sept 1st the Cider Mill opens. And you all know how I love me some apple cider, pumpkin bread, and cider donuts. Oh and they make cider slushies too. Sooooo Gooood!


That is all that is fit to print. Lots of activity around here. I want this house to be as clean as it can for this strange man child that is coming to court our daughter. Fred is ready to scare the shit out of him with his mean face. He has already scared off one dude. One did not like at all!


Now where is my Magic Eraser???

Sunday Chicken

Cradle of our love it was

*266*

 I thought the computer viruses and such were taken care of yesterday but we were wrong. I have to wait for this guy to wake up on the west coast to help me. I have to leave soon to take Rainbow to work too.
 It is gorgeous out. Nice and cool. No rain at all. I am going to go to the garden after I drop him off, do some harvesting and some weeding.
Today is going to be fried chicken Sunday. I have two whole fryers that I am going to cut up and make into oven fried chicken. It is an old recipe that I used to use when I was young. I sucked at making fried chicken, so I tried it this way and it was wonderful. This is a simple recipe for the chicken. You can add whatever spices you like to it. I like to soak my chicken in milk in the fridge for a couple hours. It tenderizes it. Add a couple cloves of garlic to the milk, Yummy!

I will have two big pans of this waiting to feed the masses today. I hope you have a good Sunday yourself.

Gnat`s have more energy!

Someone posted this on Facebook. She said that it is for those Mom`s that have the attention span of a gnat. This is supposed to help me get my house clean and not forget anything and be proud of my accomplishments.
Yeah, right.

First off, I would have to get up at like 5am to get started. If I attempted to do everything on that list in one day, I might end up dead at the end of it. I think they should add penning your own obituary in there some place.
After you have fluffed the last damn pillow and made your drink of choice, there is one thing that they forgot to add. Dinner!
You have to make fucking dinner!

Yeah, this will never happen. This is a list for the young or a maid I cannot afford.








Where is that drink??

Co-op Mob Scene/Friday stuff

This is the best hot sauce to have in your house

*265*

  I went to the co-op today because they are having a 25% off everything and they close for a week for remodeling after tonight. I had four objectives today. Buy toilet paper..check. Return bad movie to library..check. Mail bills at the post office...checky check check. Go to co-op to buy some essentials for the week they will be closed. Simple right?

Oh so wrong. I was about to get everything done wonderfully. And then I saw that the parking lot to the place was packed. There was all kinds of people in there wanting to get something for a cheaper price. I got the last jar of honey. And it was the smallest jar they sell. I wanted to pick up big essentials for us now to save money. Everyone had the same damn idea.
No produce. No cheese. No coconut oil. I got the last pound of jasmine rice. Crazyyy! I am glad I went though. We have some goodies for the coming week.

 Today I am going to  make some fried tilapia with egg wash, flour, and panko breading, fried green tomatoes with cornmeal, buttered baby peas, and some of the jasmine rice. I love adding Sriracha sauce to the egg dip. It gives the fish a nice kick in the pants. You have to be careful because if you use too much, you might blow the top of your head off. You can find it in most grocery stores in their ethnic sections but if you have an Asian market, get it there. Much cheaper. You want the red bottle with the rooster on the front and the green cap. You will like it where ever you want to add a bit of heat. 
  The computer has another damn virus. A Trojan this time. I bought the virus protection from the company that helped me before (Malwarebytes) and because I bought it, they are helping me via email right now. They will help me eradicate whatever the hell is infecting this thing. It is crazy. I HATE DELL COMPUTERS! Yes, I said it. When I have money saved up this December, one of my first purchases will be a Mac. A nice big one. Desktop. I like the laptop but for the first replacement, I want a desktop. I like having a central computer that everyone can use and try not to fuck up. So yeah, more problems with this damn dell. I refuse to call them. I have talked to them enough. When we get a replacement, we are going to use a sledgehammer on this computer. I will even videotape it and post that shit!

It has been a cooler day then the past. It will be a nice dinner and Natalie and I are going to watch Disc 2 of season 4 of True blood. It is supposed to rain tomorrow and be much cooler. I cannot wait. I have to take Raymond and Chelsea to work. Then I have to wait around for a cable company tech to try and fix our cable. It is an issue on the street. It is bothering all of our tvs and internet AND we are not the only house. They came to fix it at the pole yesterday but that shit made it worse. Back to the drawing board.

So, if I disappear for any length of time, it is probably cause of the computer. I am hoping I get it taken care of by this weekend. Cross fingers for me!