Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Running away sounds pleasant
It is snowing again but at this point why fight it. I just look at pictures of flowers and gardening ideas. Daylight savings time kicks in on March 9. That is not very far away if you think about it. Sick of the dirty snow.
I have my surgeon consult appointment tomorrow bright and early. I will have to leave before the rooster. I have to make sure I have all my ducks in a row beforehand. The man took the Jeepo so I am stuck till he gets home. I wont drive the Nissan. It has issues.
My children are 20 and 25. They are both working on over coming their issues with anxiety and depression. I am glad they are doing that. I am just tired of the whole thing at this point. They are wearing me down. I love them. I know what they go through. I am tired of being the fixer...the punching bag, the cook when the cant function, the cleaner, the step and fetcher, the taxi driver that doesn't get paid. Neither one are in any state to take care of themselves right now. I blame that on their issues and myself. I have coddled them and now I have adults that I support. I SUPPORT THEM!
And while I do all of that...I have to avoid doing any of these things. I am stressed out to the max most days. I know that isnt good for my health.
They don't contribute one ounce of money, time, or energy to this home. My goal is to not have them be homeless or living on somebodies couch. Work hard at getting well and work on helping me out. Jesus, I am the sickest person in the bunch but hardly get any help at all. I have to ask all the time. This is why running away sounds good right now. I get to take the Man with me. I am tired of being stressed over THEIR issues. They are adults. They need to deal with it. If they contributed financially and otherwise..I would probably have other reasons to complain (eye roll) but this would be okay. I would not stress cause I just spent $8 on pads for THEM <---never offered to pay.
I need therapy but cannot afford it right now. I will just wallow until I can. Wish me luck for tomorrow. Hopefully it is a fat lump that is no big deal.