Frosty October Mornings are Good

*222* <---that was last week

  Today is Columbus Day. I am not in a debating mood about this holiday, but I want to say something. I am very PRO Indigenous Peoples Day and a day should be designated as a national holiday. Period. My husband, my children, my MIL, and all of her offspring are Indian.  My grandfather came from Italy in the end of the 1800s. He came through Ellis Island. I saw the copies of the paperwork. Italians were treated like shit in this country for many many many years. That is not saying that what happened to them and what happened to America`s native people are equal. Far far from it. You will not get an argument from me about that topic. I live in the area where the Pequot nation was at war with the English. The majority of Italians, my small 1/4 piece included, look at Columbo day as our holiday. A celebration of being Italian and the struggles and the triumphs. It was never about Columbus. It was a day off. It was a big dinner.  I just think that both sides should be recognized as being equally important. *off soapbox*

   I am on my 2nd of coffee. I learned something recently. Drinking bullet proof coffee in place of breakfast will not help with weight loss. You have to either drink it with a meal to offset your fat intake, drink it as a mid day fat add if you are hungry, or dont drink it at all. It will stall me. So I drink plain coffee in the morning and I save the BPC for later in the afternoon as a pick me up both caffeine and fat wise. I dont like *cheat days* because this is a way of life for me. 

 I totally stepped away for like 2 hours cause I had to do some stuffs. Today is a busy Monday. I am eating my lunch now (three halves of deviled eggs, 4 (maybe 5) slices of bacon and three cherry peppers). After that, we have to go to the garden, harvest the rest of the peppers, and cut everything down.  I have potato leek soup cooking in the crockpot. I will freeze it later so that Kid #1 can eat it. I am going to steadily work on finishing the trim in the livingroom. Tonight`s dinner is taco salad and keto jalapeno poppers. I am also going to cook some crispy chicken skin. Yes, I said skin. It is a keto thing and you wouldnt understand.

  The eye doctor told me that I am not blind enough to have surgery. The insurance company wouldnt pay for it. He told me to buy a pair of field glasses. They are just straight yellow and it will help with the glare of the lights at night, I hope. Phew. Let`s hope!


Let me go. My bacon is getting cold. I will make sure to come back again. My phone reminds me.

I can use Lingonberry jam instead!

*223* <---from a week ago. 

   There was an amazing sale on hams today at the grocery store. 88 cents per lb for butt or shank. I bought two. A butt for today. A butt for Christmas. They were $7 and $8. So the kitchen smells like ham. I forgot to pick up cloves but that is okay. I didn't have anymore grapefruit jam to use as a glaze so I used lingonberry. I have a pot of greens that were in the freezer. Salad and green beans will round it out. Mmmm. Smells goooood!

  I had a bunch of stuff written out to talk about. But something has been tugging at me that I gotta talk about. I think I might try to go back to work. I want to give it a try. I will have safeguards in place. I could get training and help getting a job. If it doesn't work out, at least I tried.I just feel like I have to try to contribute. Get out there and earn. Be around other people. Every one is moving on and I just sit here. Yes, I am not a well person. I have limitations. But..there is the but again, I want to see what my options are. If you have thoughts, let me know.

    I do have to wait until after I have my cataracts done. I see the eye surgeon this coming week for that. I am really scared to have it done but it has become necessary. I am told it is like lasik surgery. You get one done and six weeks later, you get the other one done. I have to get over my fear and just do it.

 I did two things on Thursday that I have been dreading. I paid off and cancelled our gym memberships. I was worried I was gonna owe ALOT (long story) but it was very very little. I was thrilled. So then I went to a salon and got a proper haircut. It has been ages! It felt good. I used to go to the salon my entire childhood thru till I had the girls. Then it was just cheaper to do it myself . I was a beauty school drop out after all. It is past my collar bones with some layers. The curl has come back. I like long hair but it was time for a bit of a change. There is a pic in my IG.

  

Look at this amazing find! I trash picked this rocking chair! I pulled everything out of the jeep on the street and fit it inside and brought her home. I have it set up in the livingroom now. It will go upstairs in my bedroom. I have rubbed furniture oil all over it and it smells good. Did I do good?? I think I did. 

This is blurry but that is okay. You can still see it. One of my first blog posts was called Caffeine, nicotine, and dexedrine. <--you can read it here. I always said that I needed this tattooed on me. Well, I finally did it with a added semi colon for good measure. I forgot to share that. I have had it for about a month. Please note my weight in that post and my weight in this post. Hells yeah!

 Okay, so that is it for this segment. Oh! Happy October 1st. Did you say your Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit? I did. Always do. I hope you have a great weekend and let`s hope Hurricane Matthew stays the hell away!

Putting the garden to bed...slowly

This is a sassy Fall outfit. Yes?

*222*

  I took a break from the yard work cause I have to save my energy for other things. I can really go overboard and lose my head with time when I do a yard project. Today was no different. My hips started to tell me off, so I decided it was time for some computer time instead. See how that works? My old lady parts like to tell me how it is gonna be and I sometimes listen.

 I went to the community garden this morning. I harvested a butt load of tomatoes, peppers, and strawberry transplants. I saved the day cause there was a huge water leak in the main line so I was able to get a garden person to come and take care of it. I came home with the idea that I was just going to plant the strawberries in their new pot and thin out my existing strawberry pot. It got kinda blurry after that.
  I emptied all the pots from the container garden. They did not do well. I have to learn how to do that better. I still do not have beds in the yard yet! I decided to clean out the small bed by the fronts steps (yeah), dig up a wayward hosta that was too big for the space, clean out all the weeds, go over there to dig up one of my Salvia plants, separate it, trim it, dig holes, and plant in that same little bed. I also pulled down all the perennial Sweet Pea vines (they are pretty but a menace) and bag it all. That is when the hips said STOP IT!
So here I sit. Waiting a bit cause I really got to go to the grocery store and I have to take the kid to work. 
 Mondays are always always busy. 

Autumnal Equinox 2016

*220*


  I know I said Monday but the days got away from me. Here I am. First day of my favorite season. It is in the 80s today and I have the ac on low. It is a bit humid and juicy air is not good for Lu. I went to the dentist this morning. I had a filling on one side and a cracked filling repaired on the other. I am still numb. I cautiously ate some egg salad with a fork with some iced coffee. There will be no chewing for awhile.

  Fall means it is time for Fall Cleaning. There is so much to do. Hubs is trying to catch up with our furnace guy at work so he can come clean the furnace. I have to order oil this week. So much to do!
We are going to finally paint the livingroom. Today I washed down all the trim and dusted the walls. We have to take the ac out of the window so we can paint the trim on it but that can wait for just now. But the ball is rolling.

  I have no plans for canning either. If I stumble on a deal on a peck of apples, sure. But hubs and I cannot eat it so I just aint feeling it. I had been saving strawberries all summer but somebody kept making smoothies with them when I wasnt around. Did I mention that my nest is still not empty? Maybe I will get some done next year. 

 Kid #2 has to go off to work here soon. She is loving the work at the vet. We are so happy for her. She really never thought she would be able to get a job. This was her chance, she took it, and all are happy with the decisions. She gets her first paycheck this week. That will be a sweet time for her. There is nothing more exciting then seeing your name on that piece of paper.


Health wise, today I am feeling okay. I am medicated to the hilt for the gut but that has to be the way it has to be for now. I will be positive for those few days that I feel good.


Okay...gotta go. Kid has to go and I have to take her. I will try to do it on Sunday so that I have more time to make the posts more meaty.

Happy Thursday!

Hello?

*215*


    Yes I am a bad blogger. There is probably none of you left cause I just up and abandoned this place and you. Boy this place is dusty. I have had a very productive summer. I went to the beach. I worked in the garden growing tomatoes with Kid #2. I sweated my ass off in the utter humidity of late July, all of August, and up until yesterday. No brains at all when the weather is like that.

  That is not a typo. I just came home from the gastro and I weigh 215. I have stuck with the Low Carb High Fat since May 1st. It has been four months. I have slipped up here and there. But this is a lifestyle change. I have to undo all the stuff I was taught my entire life. I was in a size 22/20. I am now in a solid 16. I bet I could fit into some baggy sized 14. And this was done with no exercise. Change of eating only. If I added exercise, I would be dangerous.

  Lu is still here with us. She made it through the worst of the weather. There were a few times I thought I would have to put her down. But the humidity is gone is she is coughing much less. She is chipper. She is able to relax. This is a good thing. The other animals are doing fine also. Perla has her issues with her seizures but except for a scary one at the vet, she has been good.

  I still have cdiff. Still fighting it. Still a Poop Warrior.  I have to decide if I am going to have cataract surgery before the end of the year. I cannot drive at night without difficulty.

I have decided that I am going to make a conscious effort to blog her once a week. It was always good for me to just let that shit out. I am putting in my phone calendar. Every freaking Monday I will blog. As you can see, I am still Instagramming so you know I am alive.  Let us see if I can stick to a schedule.
Tata for now.

Knock knock? Anyone there?

There are no farmer`s tans allowed!

Lemon Balm at the house

*228*

  I am taking a break from the miserable existence that is my Monday to have a healthy discussion about why I am so hateful lately. If you are not in the mood to read me whine, then just do not do it. Find something way better to do.


   I am not gonna look back to see what I already said cause I am in that kind of mood. If I repeat myself, my apologies. Where do i start? Ummmm
Yeah, my gut is royally fucked. I am back on the Vanco on a loooooooong taper (day 25 I think) and it isnt working. My colitis is so bad, I feel like I am in a tight corset. If you add in that is humid as all get out, that is a recipe for some asshole comments coming out of my mouth. I am not happy and there is no positivity.  I see the gastro next week.


   Let me break it down for you. You all know I am slowly falling apart over here. This past month I have been told that the C-diff is being resistant because of my Type 2 diabetes. It doesnt matter that I am eating ketogenic now. The damage is done. I was told that my eyesight is fine for my age and my IIH is not messing with my optic nerves but my problem is Cataracts. Yes! I am a 47 yr old with cataracts so bad that they are effecting my vision. I have a check up in a year but if they bother me more before then, I have to come in. There will be surgery in my future for this. He kept saying *47 yrs old*. It is because of my diabetes also. High blood sugars can accelerate their growth. Good thing I changed my eating but not soon enough.  My hips need PT. I start this week. We know I have bursitis but he thinks i have a ball/joint issue. After PT, if they feel I need more help, I will have to have a MRI <---oh joy!

   Ummmm...Friday at the vet, Perla had a full on seizure in my arms. I thought she was dying. After that, it was decided it would not be safe to give her oral surgery. So I have two dogs (perla and Lu) that take meds to keep them alive but eventually I will have to put them down. My friend loaned us her car while ours was being fixed (rotor repair became a clusterfuck that cost $580 more). Someone crashed into to it while we slept. Bumper is fucked. It is scratched. The car is 10 yrs old so it only has liability. So to be a good friend, we are paying half. Another $200-300. We know it was the bitch daughter across the street cause she has a big long silver gash on her passenger side of her car. But we cant prove it. I am done talking to those people for life now.

In the midst of all that, I keep having pleasant dreams about my good sister/friend that dumped me two years ago. I am blocked so I cannot talk to her. So I just get to be sad everytime I have one of those dreams. And realize she has moved on and my subconscious is a pathetic loser.

 Life for me sucks. And if somebody tells me that I can overcome or I am not trying hard enough or Jesus will heal me...they are gonna get lambasted. How about I dump all this shit on YOU and then I could go have a nice day at the beach. How about that? I just wish I didnt have so much weighing on my mind. It is so exhausting sometimes. I see other people`s faux lives on FB and wish I could have a faux life too. Full of bars, fancy dinners, cruises, trips, get togethers, wine tastings, and all the fun things they seem to be able to cram into their perfect little faux lives. My hightlight of today was watering the garden and harvesting some Bok Choy. Woohoo!

It is heatwave territory for us here now. I do have a nice even tan going. There is no pale upper arms for me this year. I have been wearing tank tops every chance I can get. Sucking up all that Vitamin D. I would go to the beach today but I got that whole gut/corset thing going on.


If I could just be happy and maybe get some happy surprises along the way, that would do me a solid in life. It is just one long stretch of the Matrix until I leave this place.
Wow, that does sound really ominous, huh? I am just in a long stretch of pain with heat on top so I am moody.

I will try to be positive the next time.