There was an amazing sale on hams today at the grocery store. 88 cents per lb for butt or shank. I bought two. A butt for today. A butt for Christmas. They were $7 and $8. So the kitchen smells like ham. I forgot to pick up cloves but that is okay. I didn't have anymore grapefruit jam to use as a glaze so I used lingonberry. I have a pot of greens that were in the freezer. Salad and green beans will round it out. Mmmm. Smells goooood!
I had a bunch of stuff written out to talk about. But something has been tugging at me that I gotta talk about. I think I might try to go back to work. I want to give it a try. I will have safeguards in place. I could get training and help getting a job. If it doesn't work out, at least I tried.I just feel like I have to try to contribute. Get out there and earn. Be around other people. Every one is moving on and I just sit here. Yes, I am not a well person. I have limitations. But..there is the but again, I want to see what my options are. If you have thoughts, let me know. I do have to wait until after I have my cataracts done. I see the eye surgeon this coming week for that. I am really scared to have it done but it has become necessary. I am told it is like lasik surgery. You get one done and six weeks later, you get the other one done. I have to get over my fear and just do it.
I did two things on Thursday that I have been dreading. I paid off and cancelled our gym memberships. I was worried I was gonna owe ALOT (long story) but it was very very little. I was thrilled. So then I went to a salon and got a proper haircut. It has been ages! It felt good. I used to go to the salon my entire childhood thru till I had the girls. Then it was just cheaper to do it myself . I was a beauty school drop out after all. It is past my collar bones with some layers. The curl has come back. I like long hair but it was time for a bit of a change. There is a pic in my IG.
Look at this amazing find! I trash picked this rocking chair! I pulled everything out of the jeep on the street and fit it inside and brought her home. I have it set up in the livingroom now. It will go upstairs in my bedroom. I have rubbed furniture oil all over it and it smells good. Did I do good?? I think I did.
This is blurry but that is okay. You can still see it. One of my first blog posts was called Caffeine, nicotine, and dexedrine. <--you can read it here.I always said that I needed this tattooed on me. Well, I finally did it with a added semi colon for good measure. I forgot to share that. I have had it for about a month. Please note my weight in that post and my weight in this post. Hells yeah! Okay, so that is it for this segment. Oh! Happy October 1st. Did you say your Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit? I did. Always do. I hope you have a great weekend and let`s hope Hurricane Matthew stays the hell away!
I took a break from the yard work cause I have to save my energy for other things. I can really go overboard and lose my head with time when I do a yard project. Today was no different. My hips started to tell me off, so I decided it was time for some computer time instead. See how that works? My old lady parts like to tell me how it is gonna be and I sometimes listen.
I went to the community garden this morning. I harvested a butt load of tomatoes, peppers, and strawberry transplants. I saved the day cause there was a huge water leak in the main line so I was able to get a garden person to come and take care of it. I came home with the idea that I was just going to plant the strawberries in their new pot and thin out my existing strawberry pot. It got kinda blurry after that. I emptied all the pots from the container garden. They did not do well. I have to learn how to do that better. I still do not have beds in the yard yet! I decided to clean out the small bed by the fronts steps (yeah), dig up a wayward hosta that was too big for the space, clean out all the weeds, go over there to dig up one of my Salvia plants, separate it, trim it, dig holes, and plant in that same little bed. I also pulled down all the perennial Sweet Pea vines (they are pretty but a menace) and bag it all. That is when the hips said STOP IT! So here I sit. Waiting a bit cause I really got to go to the grocery store and I have to take the kid to work. Mondays are always always busy.
I know I said Monday but the days got away from me. Here I am. First day of my favorite season. It is in the 80s today and I have the ac on low. It is a bit humid and juicy air is not good for Lu. I went to the dentist this morning. I had a filling on one side and a cracked filling repaired on the other. I am still numb. I cautiously ate some egg salad with a fork with some iced coffee. There will be no chewing for awhile.
Fall means it is time for Fall Cleaning. There is so much to do. Hubs is trying to catch up with our furnace guy at work so he can come clean the furnace. I have to order oil this week. So much to do! We are going to finally paint the livingroom. Today I washed down all the trim and dusted the walls. We have to take the ac out of the window so we can paint the trim on it but that can wait for just now. But the ball is rolling.
I have no plans for canning either. If I stumble on a deal on a peck of apples, sure. But hubs and I cannot eat it so I just aint feeling it. I had been saving strawberries all summer but somebody kept making smoothies with them when I wasnt around. Did I mention that my nest is still not empty? Maybe I will get some done next year.
Kid #2 has to go off to work here soon. She is loving the work at the vet. We are so happy for her. She really never thought she would be able to get a job. This was her chance, she took it, and all are happy with the decisions. She gets her first paycheck this week. That will be a sweet time for her. There is nothing more exciting then seeing your name on that piece of paper.
Health wise, today I am feeling okay. I am medicated to the hilt for the gut but that has to be the way it has to be for now. I will be positive for those few days that I feel good.
Okay...gotta go. Kid has to go and I have to take her. I will try to do it on Sunday so that I have more time to make the posts more meaty.
Yes I am a bad blogger. There is probably none of you left cause I just up and abandoned this place and you. Boy this place is dusty. I have had a very productive summer. I went to the beach. I worked in the garden growing tomatoes with Kid #2. I sweated my ass off in the utter humidity of late July, all of August, and up until yesterday. No brains at all when the weather is like that.
That is not a typo. I just came home from the gastro and I weigh 215. I have stuck with the Low Carb High Fat since May 1st. It has been four months. I have slipped up here and there. But this is a lifestyle change. I have to undo all the stuff I was taught my entire life. I was in a size 22/20. I am now in a solid 16. I bet I could fit into some baggy sized 14. And this was done with no exercise. Change of eating only. If I added exercise, I would be dangerous.
Lu is still here with us. She made it through the worst of the weather. There were a few times I thought I would have to put her down. But the humidity is gone is she is coughing much less. She is chipper. She is able to relax. This is a good thing. The other animals are doing fine also. Perla has her issues with her seizures but except for a scary one at the vet, she has been good.
I still have cdiff. Still fighting it. Still a Poop Warrior. I have to decide if I am going to have cataract surgery before the end of the year. I cannot drive at night without difficulty.
I have decided that I am going to make a conscious effort to blog her once a week. It was always good for me to just let that shit out. I am putting in my phone calendar. Every freaking Monday I will blog. As you can see, I am still Instagramming so you know I am alive. Let us see if I can stick to a schedule.
Tata for now.
I am taking a break from the miserable existence that is my Monday to have a healthy discussion about why I am so hateful lately. If you are not in the mood to read me whine, then just do not do it. Find something way better to do.
I am not gonna look back to see what I already said cause I am in that kind of mood. If I repeat myself, my apologies. Where do i start? Ummmm Yeah, my gut is royally fucked. I am back on the Vanco on a loooooooong taper (day 25 I think) and it isnt working. My colitis is so bad, I feel like I am in a tight corset. If you add in that is humid as all get out, that is a recipe for some asshole comments coming out of my mouth. I am not happy and there is no positivity. I see the gastro next week.
Let me break it down for you. You all know I am slowly falling apart over here. This past month I have been told that the C-diff is being resistant because of my Type 2 diabetes. It doesnt matter that I am eating ketogenic now. The damage is done. I was told that my eyesight is fine for my age and my IIH is not messing with my optic nerves but my problem is Cataracts. Yes! I am a 47 yr old with cataracts so bad that they are effecting my vision. I have a check up in a year but if they bother me more before then, I have to come in. There will be surgery in my future for this. He kept saying *47 yrs old*. It is because of my diabetes also. High blood sugars can accelerate their growth. Good thing I changed my eating but not soon enough. My hips need PT. I start this week. We know I have bursitis but he thinks i have a ball/joint issue. After PT, if they feel I need more help, I will have to have a MRI <---oh joy!
Ummmm...Friday at the vet, Perla had a full on seizure in my arms. I thought she was dying. After that, it was decided it would not be safe to give her oral surgery. So I have two dogs (perla and Lu) that take meds to keep them alive but eventually I will have to put them down. My friend loaned us her car while ours was being fixed (rotor repair became a clusterfuck that cost $580 more). Someone crashed into to it while we slept. Bumper is fucked. It is scratched. The car is 10 yrs old so it only has liability. So to be a good friend, we are paying half. Another $200-300. We know it was the bitch daughter across the street cause she has a big long silver gash on her passenger side of her car. But we cant prove it. I am done talking to those people for life now.
In the midst of all that, I keep having pleasant dreams about my good sister/friend that dumped me two years ago. I am blocked so I cannot talk to her. So I just get to be sad everytime I have one of those dreams. And realize she has moved on and my subconscious is a pathetic loser.
Life for me sucks. And if somebody tells me that I can overcome or I am not trying hard enough or Jesus will heal me...they are gonna get lambasted. How about I dump all this shit on YOU and then I could go have a nice day at the beach. How about that? I just wish I didnt have so much weighing on my mind. It is so exhausting sometimes. I see other people`s faux lives on FB and wish I could have a faux life too. Full of bars, fancy dinners, cruises, trips, get togethers, wine tastings, and all the fun things they seem to be able to cram into their perfect little faux lives. My hightlight of today was watering the garden and harvesting some Bok Choy. Woohoo! It is heatwave territory for us here now. I do have a nice even tan going. There is no pale upper arms for me this year. I have been wearing tank tops every chance I can get. Sucking up all that Vitamin D. I would go to the beach today but I got that whole gut/corset thing going on.
If I could just be happy and maybe get some happy surprises along the way, that would do me a solid in life. It is just one long stretch of the Matrix until I leave this place. Wow, that does sound really ominous, huh? I am just in a long stretch of pain with heat on top so I am moody.
I am late. I am bad and I havent posted. I should get in big trouble but I have been out doing stuff! If you look at my IG, you know. Let me start with some positives and update you on stuff.
Lu is doing. She is still on her steroids. She takes them every other day for the next 10 days. Her heart is good. Today she was coughing a little but it is humid. We are all downstairs with the AC going so it feels good. She will always have issues with her faulty knees on back legs but she is much better then she was.
The garden is going strong both at the community garden and the pots here at the house. I am leaving the buds alone on the tomatoes and peppers now because it is time. It is warm enough and they have all grown quite a bit. The strawberries gave us about 8 quarts this year. We were very happy with that. The blackberries are flowering now so we should start picking in July. I am afraid that the new people that run the community garden will over run the blackberry patch and ruin it. I will just go there early in the mornings and pick my quart like I have been doing for 6 years. If they tell me I am not allowed, I think this will be my last year at the garden. They have made it so that if you volunteer, you get perks. I am too sick to volunteer, but that doesn't matter I guess. I sprayed the crap out of some poison ivy this morning. There is not a huge amount but you cant leave that shit alone or it will spread like crazy.
I recorded this video down below on my iPhone. We were given permission. Enjoy!
My friends and I went to a all male cabaret at the casino called Thunder Down Under. The tickets were bought in January so we were so waiting for this. I was worried about my head. I was worried that it would ruin the night. But it didnt. It was SUPER loud but I was able to endure. My prize was I got to touch a stripper`s butt. The girls were uber jelly. They just do not have the competitive streak that I do. I had a fun night and would totally do it again.
I am still going strong with the keto/low carb. I did eat some carbs the night with the strippers. We went to the buffet and it wasn't a good one. So it will be a 2 week climb back up to ketosis. That is okay. I am never gonna beat myself up over what I eat from now on and I did have lots of fun.
Today has been super humid so I have stayed on 1st floor. I have been loading Microsoft 10 on the lappy my friend gave me. I hope that fixes the problems. I have been cleaning up and doing stuff that I have been avoiding like cleaning honey from the lining of my Kate Spade bag. It is outside drying as I type.
My gut still sucks. I had to stop in the middle of this to take a Zofran cause I am nauseated. It isnt really helping. The office is closed so I am basically assed out in that regard. I sent a sample out yesterday and they called bright and early to tell me I still have CDI. I have to go into the office next week. We will have to be more aggressive with this I reckon.
I had a appt with my Ophthalmologist this Monday. He was checking my eyes for Papilledemia because of the IIH and I have been having issues with my vision. I basically cannot drive at night unless it is local. I get blurry out of the blue. And I was just freaked out that the IIH had gotten to my eyes even though my symptoms have been great. There is no paps. My eye pressure and veins look amazing. I do need to up my readers a smidge (150 for reading, 100 for the laptop) but I do not need glasses for distance at this time. This is where I was stumped.
Then what the hell is wrong??
He said my lenses in front of my Irises are yellow. My issues are because of cataracts. Fucking Cataracts!!! If you have been reading here for any length of time, you may remember that I talked about the optometrist telling me 3 years ago that I had teeny tiny itty bitty cataracts but they are not to worry about. Well, time to worry. My diabetes accelerated the growth of those fuckers. This is why I have trouble seeing in dim lights. This is why bright lights make my vision really bad. It seems the lens helps distribute light that enters your eye. A cataract is like having a dirty windshield. Hard for the light to come in so stuff is blurry or smoky.
He kept says *47 yrs old*.. Like he was amazed. Yeah bitch, I know. I am a special kind of fucked up. I just read that when you have the cataracts removed, it could accelerate glaucoma and retinopathy. Oh Joy! I always worried about losing a foot but just take my eye balls.
Yeah, I am keeping those last tidbits to myself and for anybody that reads this.
Aint that some fucked up shit? Do you believe me now? I got somebody throwing bad juju my way cause I wasnt a good enough friend. I am not depressed over this but I really want some potato chips. But I will not. I have to stick with the course. If THAT diagnosis wasnt enough to keep me from eating a starch, then I deserve all that I get.
He did say that I can wear yellow tinted glasses like the ones on tv, and I will be able to see at night again. I have to wear sunglasses while I am out all the time too. Keep my sugar low and wear sunglasses and I might be able to slow it down.
Low Carb For Life!!
I had to tweak my macros because I listened to stupid people that were telling me to eat more protein and less fat cause they know it all. If I eat too much protein, it converts to sugar and raises my blood sugar levels. I am going to stick with 20-25 grams of carbs, 65 grams of protein, and 120 grams of Fat..but that is just a top number. I have never been able to eat that much fat in a day and I am trying to lose weight. Pay day is tomorrow. Kid #2 and I are gonna get sneakers for walking. Good and strong ones. On humid days like today, we will walk in the morning or at the Mall.
I am laying out on the couch with the little dogs with the AC intermittently going and contemplating what is for dinner. I am thinking a stir fry of cut up pork chips with onion and red bell pepper. That is probably gonna be it. Easy peasy meal.
I have some really great news. I called my endo office yesterday to find out what dosage of Lantus insulin I should take at night. I stopped taking it for over a week to see what my numbers were. I would have a before bed number around 110. My morning number would be like 130-140. Those are not normal people numbers but they are good for me. He said I don't have to take it anymore. Stop taking the lantus!! I have changed my life by myself. This is huge news for me. I went from the prospect of just careening down hill two months ago with this type 2, to eat low carb and discontinuing one of my insulins. The other is humolog. I take that with meals. Barely take it with meals. So I basically use it on occasion. Like I might need a small dose cause of the veggies I will eat tonight. Best news of my life in recent times.
Lu is not doing so great. I think her heart meds are not working like they did. She is close to last resort because she is so small. I am keeping her comfy, full, and happy. When the time is right, I will take her in. I love her to bits and pieces and I will be heartbroken over her. But not everything lasts forever. This I know. She is on three meds for her heart. That is more then some people. I will enjoy her now while I have the time.
The garden is doing okay. There was an issue with the potted plants here at the house. The plants started to turn yellow. I added some Miracle Grow and they are perking back up. Our broccoli was a major dud. We found out that we put too many in the space. We will pull them out and plant some leafy lettuce. I also learned that right now is a good time to pull all the flowers off the pepper and tomato plants. They need more time to grow and flowering is not the time. I will get bigger plants if I do that. You learn something new every day. Our strawberries have been a big crop. We have harvested about 4 quarts so far and we still have fruit that isn't ready yet to pick. I am very happy this year with the progress.
Since my Dr appt when I decided that low carb high fat would save me, I have lost 17lbs. My gastro appt is on Monday. I am hoping to drop another 3-4lbs so that I can at least show that I lost 20. I didn't make it to the 30lbs but he won't balk at the 20. He has been trying to get me off diabetes meds forever. My stomach is still iffy at times but not as bad as it was before. It doesn't have the carbs and sugar to feed off of. Except for a couple French fries in the beginning, I have stuck to my plan. I have had to tweak it here and there because I had stalled a little in weight loss and I figured out I was eating too much fat and not enough protein. Hubby has joined me also. He sees how the results are working for me and he wants some of that! Lmao
I am going to be going to the beach at least once a week, maybe more. I am wearing sunscreen but not spf 5000. Part of my problem is not enough vitamin d, so I will try to fix that with some good old fashioned sun bathing. I won't be out there for hours but enough to get a bit of color, enjoy the day, and get in the water. The ocean was too cold today for swimming. It needs some warm days to get the water at a better temp.
We have been walking much more. It is starting to get warmer so I won't be able to do it when the temps reach the upper 80s to 90. I have to stay out of sun.
That is about it here with me. I need to get off this couch now and start the dinner. The man will be off work in an hour.
