Sunday, June 21, 2015


  People don't really like to be around me. I have lost friends online. Some just backed away, others completely blocked me from their life. I have to talk to a therapist about my issues cause those nearest to me don't want to hear it. How am I supposed to act positively when I am in so much pain?
 Am I supposed to just pretend everything is okay and keep it all inside? Save it for the shrink? 
 I have been told on the days that I feel like hell that I am negative and maybe I should leave the room. I hate you right now. Or they leave and go hang out with friends and leave me here by myself. 

  I don't want to be this way. If I have to live like this for the rest of my life.......
I am afraid I will lose those that are closest to me. I guess I deserve this. I can't be the way my friends want me to be so they ignore me or they dump me. Then mutual friends take sides. I don't even know what the sides are. Part of me wants to just get out of social media all together but then I would be utterly alone. 

Yeah yeah, go talk to your shrink. Sounds like you need a fucking pill you crazy bitch. I got that covered. I have a brain disease and a skull defect that makes me feel this way. There is no pill to fix it.
There is nothing to fix it. 

I am just spilling it here cause nobody really reads this. I am surprised anyone reads it actually. My pathetic excuse for a blog. Hey! At least I am losing weight now. Would you look at that! I accomplished something. 

I just feel alone in a house full of people. Friends don't text. People don't call. I have a small handful of people that still let me know I am somebody. How long they will be around...I don't know.


  1. Yeah...I don't know you....I stumbled across your blog, and I think you're a pretty interesting person! I know you're going through some shit right now, and it seems like your friends and family can't handle it. They need to grow up, man up and be there for you now. There's nothing wrong with talking to it a neighbor, a priest, a therapist, the grocery store meat man or the cat that craps under your bushes. TALK and get it out to someone. I wish I could do something to really help you.

  2. I am glad I had not taken a sip of coffee yet. That would have been a epic spew.
    Thank you.
    I have to find a way to deal with my brain. We had a bad storm last weekend and it put me in a dark place. We are having another storm this weekend. Yay! Bullshit. But..i am going to dose myself with extra Diamox. That should help with the pressure. I can already feel it today but I have errands so I will suffer until I am in the house.
    I should make a post about this, huh?
    I am glad you stumbled me. :)