The dog needs a hygentist

*243*

    That up there is one of my kohlrabi at the community garden. I have never grown one or eaten one for that matter. It is like a radish crossed with a turnip. It is used in alot of Indian cooking. It can also be eaten raw. Here are the stats on this alien veg....Kohlrabi.

  The garden is actually doing really well. We have had some big rain storms the past couple weeks so it has helped with keeping the plants lively. I think we will have a bumper crop of tomatoes this year. I also have a shit ton of Leeks. I love leeks and I hope others do too cause there are going to be alot of them. 

 Perla is in peril. She is are almost 9 yr old chihuahua. She has heart issues and her teeth are in bad shape. She has a root infection in one of her big front top teeth. The vet knows we dont have a oil well out back so are going to be conservative. We cant afford a eckocardiogram. He says her heart sounds better then the last time. There are risks involved if we do the surgery...she might die. She will most definitely die if she doesnt get her teeth taken care of.  He says we have between 2-6 months to save up. It will be about $900 total for all her teeth to be cleaned, pull any that have to be pulled, and reinforce the rest. We can save that in 3 months if we are frugal-er. The antibiotic will kill off the bacteria but it will come back. That is the 2-6 month window.  She ate after the shot. She ate this morning and got her first dose of meds. So far no tummy upset. That is a good thing. She is my butt warmer.

Stress has to become my middle name or I should just tattoo it on my arm with the rest of them. There are so many urgent things that have to be done now. I just try to chip away at the most imperative...perla and ruby has to go back to have her teets looked at and possibly another round of cipro for her. I let other stuff go until I have the money, like the fridge with the door gasket that is shot or this laptop that is slowly limping to it`s death, minus the letter n. Plus you add in all the health bullshit, and I am just a joy. Most of the time I just keep it to myself. Why stress everybody out? I tend to catastrophize shit anyway. The bills will get paid. There will be food.

 As for my health, I am at bargaining.  The crap that is life. You wake up one morning and your life has changed forever. I had that happen with the fibro, diabetes, CFS but I learned to handle it. Go with the flow. Take it easy and life will have fewer bumps.
Then this whole skull/brain tide rolled in. Like a fucking tsunami.  I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. 
Who would have thought it would have been steel toed?
 Most days I am fine. If I stick to the low sodium, take my meds, and drink plenty of water.  But these storms and rainy days are awful. I can barely function and the brain squeeze makes me mean. Very mean. I just feel so alone with this sometimes. I cant enjoy a simple walk in the woods because the simple fact of all the trees is too much stimulation for my skull defect/vestibular issues.

Think about that for a moment. A quiet walk in the woods makes me sick because of the sunshine filtering through the leaves. The closeness of all the trees and brush on the trails. Something you take for granted, makes me sick and ick. Once we leave the forest and enter the clearing to leave, the symptoms subside.
Same goes for crowded eateries, grocery stores (sometimes), big gatherings of people. I am supposed to go to a All School Alumni dance next month. I have a old girl friend as a date. I have got others going. It will be a big thing. I want to go. I bought tickets. I am scared shitless.

That is my life now.

Yeah...I am just a bunch of fun, huh?  Today is a okay day. I am gonna get some dinner stuff and make some cupcakes. Kid #2 will go with me to the store. 

Lemon cupcakes! Mmmm!
I will post recipe maybe if I think about it.

Negativity

  People don't really like to be around me. I have lost friends online. Some just backed away, others completely blocked me from their life. I have to talk to a therapist about my issues cause those nearest to me don't want to hear it. How am I supposed to act positively when I am in so much pain?

 Am I supposed to just pretend everything is okay and keep it all inside? Save it for the shrink? 

 I have been told on the days that I feel like hell that I am negative and maybe I should leave the room. I hate you right now. Or they leave and go hang out with friends and leave me here by myself. 

  I don't want to be this way. If I have to live like this for the rest of my life.......

I am afraid I will lose those that are closest to me. I guess I deserve this. I can't be the way my friends want me to be so they ignore me or they dump me. Then mutual friends take sides. I don't even know what the sides are. Part of me wants to just get out of social media all together but then I would be utterly alone. 

Yeah yeah, go talk to your shrink. Sounds like you need a fucking pill you crazy bitch. I got that covered. I have a brain disease and a skull defect that makes me feel this way. There is no pill to fix it.

There is nothing to fix it. 

I am just spilling it here cause nobody really reads this. I am surprised anyone reads it actually. My pathetic excuse for a blog. Hey! At least I am losing weight now. Would you look at that! I accomplished something. 

I just feel alone in a house full of people. Friends don't text. People don't call. I have a small handful of people that still let me know I am somebody. How long they will be around...I don't know.

Dads, Summer, Rain, and Free HBO

*243* <----I think.

  We had a ton of rain last night into mid morning from the remnants of a tropical storm. Let's just say I am not in the best of moods today. At least the rain stopped and it is cooler. Humid but cool. Since I am feeling so funky fresh, I decided to d/l the blogger app to the iPad. That way on days like today, I can not only say Hey in my pjs but also while lying down with the dog, butt to butt. She is a weirdo, I tell you. My laptop is starting to slow down so that will probably die soon anyway and I can replace so I will use my trusty iPad that I won in a contest. Yes...I enter contests. Don't judge. :)

  Today is the longest day of the year, Summer Solstice. Too bad it is not gorgeous here but that is okay. The plan had been to have grilled food outside while the Man sat in our newly acquired Adirondack chairs. Two for $20. Our back yard neighbor sold his house. The Man tightened the screws on them yesterday. They are like brand new. I always wanted those type of chairs but could never justify the expense. $10 a piece is just my cup of tea.  So we will cook meatloaf with mashed potatoes and a veg for his dinner. I am kinda supposed to make a dessert but there is no butter and this is broke week until Wednesday so we will have to make due. 

  I went for my post op appointment on Friday. My two friends, A and D, took me. We had a nice ladies day out. Except for the whole doctor visit. My appointment was early and I got right in to see him. I will start with the positive things. My incision has healed nicely. The scar will become less prominent over time. My ear drums in both ears look really good. The pain I am experiencing on side of my head is the product of the surgery. They had to move a muscle to the side while they were in there. That pain will come and go but won't last for very long. Good.

  Then we get to the gross shit. 

I do have Superior Semicircle dehesince aka SSCD or SSD. I have it on both sides of my head but my left side is giving me issues. I have developed a symptom called autophony.  Basically I can hear things I shouldn't in my left ear. I can hear my breathing, chewing, heartbeat, and my voice can amp up really loud but sound distorted. Outside noises can be very loud. Some noises can make me cover my ears like when plates clang together or when you drop change in a jar. The reason for this is there is a *third window* in your head from a hole that should be there. It screws up the way sounds travel in your head. 

  I also told him that I think I might still be leaking. Only when I go to the bathroom so far. I am three weeks out so I haven't been too strenuous yet. I will be able to tell once I really get back to my old self. 

Yeah...that is some peachy news huh?

The Dr has a *tell* when he is troubled by something you have said or pertaining to your symptoms. He made that face. He wants me come back end of August to see him. That will be three months since the surgery. If I am still suffering from these symptoms, I have to have a cat scan. He said if the autophony drives me insane or the leak gets worse, call earlier to have a scan sooner. 

How much am I supposed to take? 

Right now I have SSCD with IIH. These are both very rare disorders.  I see the neuro next month. He may say I don't have IIH after all. It might just be mechanical but something is making bust holes out my damn head! It is not like I am secretly a ultimate fighter champion in my off time. 

My SIL said that she wished we could do something for me. Part of me says yeah...my life utterly sucks..pamper me to forget it even just for a little while. But I am the type that is the giver. I don't like to receive. It would be hard to do that. 

We had a great time after the appointment. I was broke as a match girl but my girls had my back. We went out to eat at this place called Plan B burger bar. I have been before. OMG. The food was amazing, of course. But my stupid skull got in the way. It was really loud in there. All around us you could here people talking. The acoustics in the place put my vestibular issues in over drive. You feel like something bad is gonna happen to you. Like you don't feel faint but could I pass out from too much stimulation? It isn't a panic attack. Your head can't handle all the noise, lights, and movement. It makes you feel truly awful. Like...I gotta get the hell outta here!!! But we were eating. So I kept it to myself. I let them know at the end that I needed to get out of there. Once I got in the car and had my sugar free Sonic slush, I was feeling good again. Well. Good for me. 

So that is what has been going on so far. My brain feels like major crap today but it is weather related. I will be better tomorrow. I will lay here and possibly watch some free HBO. Or not. Lately I like to be in quiet rooms. Quiet car rides. Makes life simpler.

Have a great rest of your Sunday!

Summertime Summertime Summer Summer Summertime

*239*

  I will not complain about the temps or the humidity levels. I will complain about the barometric pressure though. It is making my heal time difficult. My head feels like it is in a vice grip when it rains. It is pretty awful. But the rest of the time, I have been feeling okay. Kid #2 and I have been walking almost every day. We are being healthy. I have a partner to changing our ways.
 I deal with something called Autophony. My internal noises are amplified in my left ear. Breathing, talking, and my heartbeat among others. Part of me worries about that but I will wait till I have my post op visit to see what the ear surgeon says. I did say from the beginning that this surgery may or may not completely heal the issue of weak spots in my skull. We shall have to see.

  But I am doing great considering  I had skull surgery two weeks ago. Our beds at the community garden are flourishing. All the lettuce is almost picked. We have about four heads left we will get tomorrow. I have a few tomatoes to cage and we will plant a squash in the empty space. I am very happy so far with the results.
 
This past week I went to the Habitat for Humanity ReStore just to poke around. I found a queen sized Iron bed complete (minus mattress and boxspring). Big head board and footboard! I am really excited. It was super cheap too. The man is going to pick it up this morning. I wont have that squeaky, dog scratched, old sleigh bed anymore. The bed of my dreams! Yeah!

I will take pictures of all when I get a chance. Especially the garden. It is looking so good!

I am feeling okay. I have a way to go to 100% and I will always have the brain disease or whatever is wrong in my skull but no worries.

Happy Saturday!

Weekly progress of the dome

*238* <---oh yeah oh yeah!


  Today has been a week since my CSF leak seal in my skull. I am better. We had cold and rain for two days and I felt pretty awful. The sun came out yesterday and I went out with kid #2. We went to DG and the community garden to plant peppers and eggplants. I think I was out for a hour total. It felt good to DO something. My head feels weird but that is part of the healing process. I am on no narcotic pain relief at all. I take some Tylenol for some ear pain. All part of healing.

  I have been sitting here all week waiting for the other shoe to drop. It hasnt. I am supposed to be experiencing rebound pressure pain in my head. I am sealed so there is no place for the extra fluid to go. So far, no pressure. It has got me thinking. Do I have IIH or something else?
 The something else could be what we thought I had three years ago, Superior Semicircle Canal Dehiscence.  This is something I will bring up at my Post Op appointment in two weeks. The neuro seems to think I dont have the IIH all along. I dont want any of it but I would rather be treated for the right thing from the start. They both have similar symptoms but with IIH the symptoms are all the time. I dont have that. I cant answer how my head feels right now because I am still healing. But there is no pressure at all. *knock on formica*

  My surgery was a success even though I am going thru healing mode. I am not over doing it so dont scold me. I have already heard it. Just because I had my skull opened up does not mean I am a invalid. Everyone heals at their own pace. Today I will do a couple things, eat some lunch, and take a nap. This is what I will do until that day comes when my ear doesnt hurt, the ringing is less, and my head feels 100% clear. I am clear enough to make decisions, drive short distance, buy cream for coffee, and cage my tomatoes. I just need to be close to home for rest and long distances require a chauffeur. Okay? Okay!

 Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. They have helped me alot.