April Showers Bring on Rheumatism

*230* <---fat ass

  I woke up to rain hitting the roof above my head. It is a soppy April rain out there this morning. Supposed to be like this all day. I had no idea. I have been so preoccupied with life shit that I have not even paid attention to the little things, like the weather.  I am surprised I dont feel very bad. Usually rain makes me feel like garbage in the head. Days like this make many of us FEEL the weather. We will see how the day goes and how much I get done.

   I am sorry this has been delayed by a day or two. I had some stuff transpire and my mind has been elsewhere. The thyroid is fine. There is no cancer. I do have a 3cm nodule that you can feel cause it is right on the front of the left side of the thyroid. I also have a larger one in the very center, called the isthmus. I went to see my endo yesterday. I had blood work done and most definitely thyroid was in those tests. For right now, we are going to leave the nodules alone. He is definitely sure that they are not the reason I am having difficulty swallowing. If the swallowing becomes a major issue for me (it isnt just yet), I will make appointment for my ENT office. This is what I have to say about the biopsy of the thyroid..If you have to have one done, do not be afraid. They numb you enough that you do not have any pain. You WILL feel the pressure of the needle touching your thyroid. It is unnerving but it is not really painful. Maybe a tiny bit. But not gonna kill you and it is quick quick. If I have to have it done again, I wont be a chicken shit.

  As for what happened yesterday, that was a whole different scenario. Let me refill my coffee cup. Okay, let me back track a bit. I went in Thursday for my second mammo. It was done on the left breast only. Then I had an ultrasound on the same breast. They found something called a architectural distortion.  They basically said that it could be cancer or something called a radial scar. They cannot tell what it is because it is not palpable like a cyst or a lump. So they had to do a biopsy of it. Yesterday I think if I could have shit myself without embarrassment, I would have. I was having a Stereotactic Core Biopsy. That even sounds scary to me. They sat me in a chair, pushed me up to the mammo machine, pressed my boob in there to position where they could see the distortion, numbed the skin, numbed deeper in the boob, and then the mammo has a hollow needle that is attached that goes down into your.... Okay. You get the idea. Anyway. Because I am a freak of nature, I could feel the biopsy. They figured it was because my breast was so dense. There was no mistaking my facial expression. I could feel it and it hurt. The doctor just did what he had to do in a hurry. I just trooped it out because where the hell was I gonna go. They had me by the boob.

  Right after that, I went for my 3 month check up at the endo. He said I do not have to wait until Thursday. That would be cruel. He told me to call his assistant in the morning and she will call pathology to get the results. I am really afraid of the results. Radial scars are rare unless you have had previous biopsy or breast surgery. I have had neither. Even if it is a radial scar, that has to come out. They can be a precursor to breast cancer. And now I will have to have mammos every 6 months instead of every year. Fuck me!  My joke always was *if it isnt killing me, I am okay* Cancer is a whole other ball game. Plus with diabetes. That is no joke. I am sorry to sound morbid but it could be my ticket out of Dodge. Let`s just be as positive as we can. None of you will probably see this before I get the call back, but if you see it today...give me some warm positive thoughts. Let`s hope for the best outcome.

  Okay..I gotta be positive. Right? Did you all see my Beemo in the Instagram feed on the left?? Isnt she the cutest? She is a 2011 x5. She has leatha seats. She has all the bells and whistles. She is GOR--G-OUS! She rides like a dream. There is no owners manual so I have been watching YouTube videos so that I know what all the gadgets do. I should get the title in 2 weeks. I will mail out the Jeepo`s title today so that the insurance company can cut the check. I am happy to not have to drive the 16 year old Nissan around. She is a good around the town car but she does not deserve to be used for day to day use. We still have the rental. We will have it until they send us the check for the Jeepo. Since we already bought a car, we will not have it for an extra week for buying a car..since we already did that.

Kid #2 and I went to the garden on Sunday. We cleaned out the beds. There was not much weeds which was really good. We have to top them all off with compost but that can happen this weekend. We purchased some lettuce seeds and I had some radish seeds already. I am glad we did not plant them on Sunday because they would be gone now with all this rain. We have planned to dedicate one bed to just peppers. We want an abundance of cayenne peppers so that we can make some more roasted red pepper flakes in the Fall. We all loved the jar of homegrown so much. We used it all. Our plan is to grow enough to fill at least three canning jars full. That should last us through the Winter and into the next growing season. We also cleaned out the strawberry patch. There is room in the middle for something. I was thinking one cantelope or one watermelon plant but I dont know. One solitary something that can use that space to its advantage. I have to think about it.

  My fat ass has been eating crap. I gained as you can see. Fuckers. I wont hit the 240 mark. I will NOT! I REFUSE! I need to just hope to get in a better mindset. After I find out if I have breast cancer or not.

You all have a wonderful week.  I am going to take my meds, drink my coffee, eat some eggs, and clean my room.

Peace!

C-difficile. The gift that keeps on giving.

*239* according to my scale. *229* according to gastro`s scales (i tried both)

  I have C-diff again...ongoing but I have the dreaded runs. I am being put on the last bastion of meds to kill it. It is called Dificid. Thank goodness we reached our deductible. It is some expensive shit..no pun intended. I was at the ER last night because I was dehydrated and my pulse was a bit fast. I am better now in that regard. I have to push the water. And hope for the best. I am in pain but that is just the way life goes. It doesnt stop me completely.

  We sure are having a nice cold and slow Spring here. It is May 17 and  I wore a sweater for parts of the day. It is good for some of the colder plants. My lettuce and greens are growing nicely. This weekend is the plant sale and I am hoping for some tomato, pepper, and basil plants. If I can get some Japanese eggplant, that would be good also.

   I am on my 2nd week of low carb and I am doing fine. Kid #2 and I went for ice cream. It was diabetic friendly Butter Pecan. My sugar only rose slightly. I have a treat! A real treat that tastes bad but it is good. It is the little things.If I could find carb free chips, It would be IT!

   I am in pain from sitting so this is brief today. I will check to let you know if the meds worked.
Toodles!

Friday the 13th

*239*

   Wah Wahhhh on the computer.  There is something wrong with it. It doesnt have a virus or malware and  I deleted Adobe Flash. Still slow as constipation but it almost has full memory and such. That is as far as my abilities run. I have to get hold of our computer geek. He works 3rd shift so it will be interesting how we coordinate. It will get done though. So I am still using my mouse to paste the fucking letter n.
  
 For those that have read here for awhile, I have been battling my weight for more then the 6 yrs that I have been whining on here. This week I was placed with a dilemma. I had my 3 month diabetes checkup Monday. It wasnt good. I have to up my night time insulin by 5 units and my mealtime insulin by 6 units. THAT IS ALOT!  To jump from 20 to 25 is alot at least for me. He said that I am at a crossroads. I have to either really change my eating or enter a vicious cycle. The more insulin you take, the more weight you gain, and then you need more insulin. 
I choose life.  
  I have been eating low carb since Monday morning. I have walked 3 times this week with kid #2. I REFUSE to gain the weight back. I basically eat everything except wheat, bread, pasta, rice, beans, white potato, sweets, sugars, junk food, etc. Lots of veggies, eggs, meats, fats, and minimal fruits. I have to go look up the glycemic index to see what grains I could safely eat at all.
 I am staying on my old insulin doses for now. If I have stuck to this for a month, I will call the office to let my endo know what is going on. I post my blood sugar levels on IG as a accountability to show myself that I am sticking to it. I had gone up to 244 but as you can see, I am back on track. 
  My body is treating foods differently now and I have to control that or turn into a fat diabetic blob that is eating her Hershey bar.

  My dear friend`s, A, mother passed away this week also. So much death this year. She had end stage emphysema.Very sad end. A wants to be left alone. It is killing me cause I love her and I have a need to make her feel better.
 
I did plant and there are pics and videos on my IG. Please take a look if you would like. I have to get going here. It is Friday and I have stuffs to do. 

I am in utter love!

 

*233* <---that is what the gastro`s scale says


   I am in love for a couple reasons and one of them is not that my Zyrtec is working against the allergens. not!
 First lets talk about these huge pinwheels that I bought the other day. I bought four of them, all the patterns, at 5 below. They were $4 a piece. Yes, I spent $16 plus tax on pinwheels. But they are amazing and they make me happy! 

 Wednesday I got a new phone! Yay! iPhone! Yay! It is not the latest but it is fresh, new and mine. My Samsung was limping so she had to go. Easy transition cause I am used to the iPad.
  Kid #1 got me hooked up with Snapchat. I actually kind of like it. I follow this guy called Cian Twomey. I also follow him on FB and YouTube. Dont judge. I am one of them. He is hilariously funny!

 So I love me some Snapchat. Give it a try and have some fun with it. I wanted to share a widget on here with my snap story but I couldnt figure it out. But I did add my Instagram. I do that almost every day so you can see that at least. Another peek into my soul. It is over there <---- on the left. I also wanted to share a new app I heard about. It is called Couch to 5k. It is a trainer. I have to lay on the couch and fiddle with it. You can find it in your app store on your phone. I want to step up my walking and this might help.

  I am busy cooking and cleaning today. Tonight I am making Rocky Point Clam Cakes with corn on cob, salad, and possibly tater tots. These fritters aka cakes are tha bomb. They taste better then all the local clam places around here. They are so tasty that you could eat them naked...the food is naked. Get your mind out of the gutter. Unless that is your fancy. 

I will be making tartar sauce though cause that has to happen to. I also have a soup in progress cause Kid #1 is over tired from over working. I will post the recipe but I did tweak it. It is Chicken, Lentils, and Rice Soup. 
The changes that I made were a teaspoon of grated ginger, 3 cloves of minced garlic, no mushrooms, a can of no salt diced tomato, low salt chicken broth, garlic powder, poultry seasoning, and 2 bay leaves. I added about 6-7 cups of water on top of the broth. The rice and lentils will soak up with water so you may have to add more.

  I went to the gastro. He is worried that the cdiff is getting a little aggressive. I had to send out a *sample* and I started up Flagyl today. Yuck. I hate that shit. He asked if it makes me nauseated. I cant answer that. When I took it the first time, I was very very sick already. So this will be a new sensation. I am already nauseated, in pain in colon, and have to force to eat.  Hopefully this stuff passes quickly and I dont get a luxury stay at the hospital again.

   Stopped at the pharmacy to pick up the Flaaaaaa-gyl and the pharmacist wanted to have an in depth convo with me about c-diff. He even asked me if I had the time to chat. He had been reading and listening to podcasts. He wants to know more about it because more people are coming in with it. He wants to order different probiotics and I will be the Guinea pig. Not for free, mind you, but he is trying to help. Then he tells me that he wants to help because he heard several times that the longer you have c-diff, or colonization, or multiple reoccurrences..you could end up with slow motility and possible hardening/scarring of the colon.  Like dammit, I came in there with a good mood. He tanked that real quick. It is good to know though. I always want to be informed. 

That is about it. I am gonna poke around to see what i am gonna eat for lunch and maybe take a nap.

Update: As I was stirring the soup, it looked like it needed a few things. I added two chopped potatoes and the last of the frozen spinach which was probably more then a 1/2 cup. I do that. I follow a recipe and then I just twist it around until it is unrecognizable. 

Spoonie soup

Sucks is: When you have a bunch of ailments but you don't really know which one is making you feel like shit today.

   I need to call the gastro dr but I want to see if this too shall pass. So far, no bueno. I did take a 1/4 tab of the diamox and I don't feel dizzy anymore. The leaves are birthing and my allergies are in full force. Oh well. It is life.

  Every time I make a pot or crockpot of soup, I freeze some. I have a large sleeve of those plastic chinese soup containers with lids that a chef friend gave me. Usually a big crockpot of soup, stew, or chili will yield me dinner plus two-three of those containers. I write what it is on a post it, and tape it to the lid. In the deep freezer they go. Then when I feel like shit, I can heat up some soup. I take the lid off, defrost microwave for two rounds of 4 minutes each. Then it is easy to slide out of container into a little soup pot with a lid. It is the perfect Spoonie lunch or dinner.

   It was a Chicken Kale soup. Into the crockpot, I dumped 1 small chopped onion, 2 chopped carrots or a handful of chopped baby carrots, 3 cloves of peeled garlic whole, all the breast and thigh meat (chopped) from a rotisserie chicken, container of low sodium chicken broth, 2 low sodium chicken bouillon, 1 can of tomato paste, garlic powder, thyme, black pepper and salt to taste. I pour about 4 cups of water to cover. Then topped it with 3 cups of chopped kale. I cooked it on low for 4 hours. I added a cup of ditalini pasta to cook for 1 hour more.

 You could add more veggies if you like. Sometimes I will put corn or peas or cut up tomatoes. The kale makes to soup nice and murky.


  I made that about a month ago. I felt like crap today (still do) but I had something to eat! When I am feeling  good, I should do a bunch of soups at once and freeze them up.

  The phone comes by Fedex today. I think I will patiently wait outside while I do yard work.

Have a great Wednesday!

Stuff is a-changing

*238*


  Against my better judgement, I am drinking my third 8oz cup of coffee with soy creamer and one Stevia packet. I had my sick stomach breakfast of 1 egg cooked in microwave with a sliced avocado. When I am having pain and no appetite, that breaky gives me enough boost just in case I cannot eat till dinner. *burp* Okay..I am gonna pour this shit out.

  Changes are happening. I hope that the positives continue cause we have had our fair share of bullshit. Hubs has been offered and he accepted a new position in his department. He will be a driver. He will pick up and delivery all sorts of small stuff to the different clinics and hospitals affiliated with ours. The guy he is taking over for leaves in 3 weeks so he will have plenty of time to train. He started yesterday and he likes it. This is good for him. He is off his bad foot. He is not lugging big carts of supplies. He still gets to socialize but a whole new crop of people. Plus he is back on 2nd which he likes. I dont have to worry about him as much as I have been.
  
  Kid #1 is treating me better.  She is talking to me. That look of disgust when she had to communicate with me is gone. It is either cause she has grown more, therapy, or a combo of the two. I still want a empty nest but I can tolerate a little longer cause she is more forthcoming towards me and vice versa.

   If you totally ignore my stomach issues right now, I am doing pretty good. I have had some depressive moments but I rolled with it and I am ok now. Bipolar sucks ass, I tell you. Thankfully I am of the 2 variety so it is not as intense as what I grew up with living with my Mom and Sister. They were/are 1s and that is not a fun thing to have.  I have tried to do more. Get moving. Get Doing. Try new things. I tasted beef tongue a couple weeks ago. Scared of it but I ate it with Hubs in a taco. It was actually pretty good. It was not at all tonguey. It was really like shredded roast beef.

  I have been making TO DO lists that are pinned to the wall for me to see. I scratch off when I get something done. It gives me motivation to finish that list! So I have to get moving to finish my clothing. Cause then I can scratch off Finish Sorting Clothes and Bring Donations to Jonnycakes. I have to move my bedroom around (on the list) but I have to finish the clothes!!!!!!

That is my goal today. Drop off the *children* to their destinations (it is raining) and finish the summer stuff. I am not ready to call the gut dr yet. I will give it a couple more days. It might just go away on it`s own. Why I worry a tad is that it is making me feel low blood pressure symptomatic. Or I think it is and it freaks me out. We shall see.

Have a great Tuesday. Hopefully there is sunshine for you.

Walking on the wild side

    Kid #2 and I have been walking for the past year. Not a whole lot because of my health but way more then ever before. We love to walk at the local arboretum at the college. It is not far from our home. We drive there now. This week I am going to surprise her. We are going to get some new sneakers. Good ones too. And maybe one day we can then walk to the arboretum, walk around, and then walk home. But we have to build up to it. That would be the ultimate!

I thought I would share some pics from our last walk. It was a gorgeous day. 

This is the pond. Not the very beginning of the walk but about 5 minutes in. We stopped to look at the turtles sunning on the rocks.

This is why my phone sucks and I ordered the iPhone. I couldn't zoom on the puddle ducks in front of us so they blurred out. They waddled back into the pond when they saw us. 

I have never been able to do the forest loop without wanting to die afterward. That day I felt good and we decided to DO IT.

Omg! Made me gulp. I hate heights. Long drop down.

Here is another perspective. I was less scared of this area for some strange reason.

Down and up and off the right and we will be almost done. 

This shot is the beginning (we start at that gravel path) and the end (we enter from the right of the picture). There is a nice wide stone bench to sit on, drink our water, and catch a breeze.  We usually do a 20 minute easy walk but this day we were out there for an hour. And I didn't die! Score!

  I have to research what kind of sneaks I should get. I tend to get plantar fasciitis so I need strong/hard soled shoes. 

There is a peek into one of my daily adventures. With the new phone, I will be able to document more. I wish I could be out there today. I will rest up so I can have more walking adventures with the kid. 

I need some blueberries in my life

*239* <---home scale

 There is a revealed recipe this morning from the guy that was the Baker at the Jordan Marsh (remember that?) in Boston. I had to snag the recipe to share. It looks like a standard muffin recipe but he used to use half bread and half pastry flour. I have to get some supplies to give this a try.
Ingredients:
1/2 cup butter
2 cups flour (unsifted, blend of bread and pastry)
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 cup milk
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 1/2 cups blueberries
2 teaspoons sugar (for tops)
1 teaspoon vanilla
On low speed, cream butter with sugar until fluffy. Add eggs one at a time and mix until blended. Sift dry ingredients; add to eggs-and-butter mixture, alternating with milk. Mash 1/2 cup of berries and stir into mixture by hand. Add the rest of the berries whole and stir by hand. Grease muffin tins well with butter; grease the top surface of the pans as well. Pile mixture high in each muffin cup, and sprinkle the sugar over tops.

Bake at 375 degrees for 30 minutes.


Blogger tells me that I am a lonely bitch.  It looks like absolutely nobody reads here anymore so I either scared you all away or blogger screwed something up. I dont know how to even begin to figure it out. Eh. It isnt like I am not used to talking to myself anywho. And I have only one person that gives me feedback so if you are out there, I really do not know it.

  I am not feeling better but I am not feeling worse. That is a plus. Believe me. I am not feeling like a major sad sack today. You can put away the hotline numbers. I have depression and sometimes when TOOMUCH is going on, it will intensify. I am always depressed but I keep it on a even keel. The weather is starting to even out a bit which also helps With that comes allergies but that is part of living for some and I have my generic Zyrtec. I am just going at life one day at a time. I have to. I aint going no place voluntarily at this point. :)

  With that. I have to say that my new attitude lately has been for the good. I dont have to please anyone but myself (and the man). I have been just thinking of myself and saving money at it. I went out to get myself a iced tea. I would usually buy one for each of us. Instead, I bought two...for me. Yeah, that felt good. There was no guilt felt there at all. I had decided that this year was the beginning of it being about just me and the man. We are done raising our children. They are grown now whether they like it or not. The iced teas was a symbol. I am gonna do what I want for us. Freedom! But it is already April, and it had not happened yet. That is about to change.

   I have a list of things taped to the wall in front of me that I have to do. Taxes are at the top. Those will be done this Sunday while I cook. But there are other things. I did a really good job of thinning the herd in my closet. I had two bags full and I had two baskets to go through. Then I ran out of steam. Those two bags have to go to the donation center for Sunday morning. So I have to finish going through the rest of my clothes before then. I am hoping that today is that day! LOL

   Lu has actually been doing a smidge better. The 3rd pill has started to kick in. I am under no delusions that she will live to a ripe old age but if she can live past the summer, I would be happy with that.

  There was some good news this week. My Mammo ultrasound came back negative. Yay! I am slowly teaching Ruby to go out on her runner without me watching her. Yay! And some other good stuff that I aint gonna say cause I have to keep some shit to myself. Yay!

  Okay..gonna finish this coffee and clean the kitchen.

TGIF and I hope you have a sunny weekend.


  

 

High on blood sugar

Bridge closed for awhile cause of snow

*232* <---i think

 I bought a  new scale today because the old one shit the bed. Well, the scale at home and the scale at the Dr is different. My scale says I am fatter. I will ignore it for now. It is sad when one scale makes you happy and the other makes you frown. I am paying attention to how my clothes feel and they are still loose.
  This weekend I had a real revelation and a scare this morning. My pancreas must be having issues cause if I eat any bread, pasta, rice, or bad for yous..my blood sugar shoots to the moon. Like scary numbers for me. I woke up this morning still super tired. I took him to work (in the snow) and ate a bagel lightly buttered. I guess I should have checked my blood sugar first. It was almost 400! I have never ever EVER seen that number before. I took insulin and it is going down. I have to follow what the gastro says and stop veering. I need to follow what the neuro says and stop veering.
Low carb, low sodium, no processed, no dairy, lots of fruits, vegs, legumes, and whole grains. It is so hard though. I sound like I am whining and I am. Your crazy body craves stuff. And when you are told that you shouldnt have it, it is like you now have to have it.
 I have said this before and I am rolling my own eyes at myself but I have to do this. I did eat a great lunch...crabcakes, avocado, and seaweed salad. I am going to try my damndest!

   Lu has to start taking another pill to stop the coughing. I do realize now that she doesnt have long on this Earth. She has been taking meds for 3 months now so she could have 3-9 more months left. I am trying to be grown and give her plenty of love for her days with us. That is all I am going to say about that.
  I have a TO DO list sitting on the wall in front of me. I have a bunch of stuff to do including our taxes. I was going to do it today but because of my blood sugar making me feel like shit, I choose to do it tomorrow instead. I have to mail a ebay and I am going to finish sorting thru my clothes for donation. That would be a good snow day activity!

Okay..I  need to get moving.
Have a great Monday!

Oh Spring!

*231*

  I am dealing with the return of hot flashes and fibro flare so I am not a happy or cognitive camper right now. I will try to be uber positive even though I feel shittay. We had pizza for dinner last night. I ate 3 pieces of mushroom from a small pizza, so not large slices. I am paying for it in many gut wrenching ways. But that is life, and I move on.

   Except for it being really cold, Spring is moving along nicely. I am going to wash all those pots and spray paint them. I was going to do it before Easter but we had that snow storm and lots of rain and wind. I have to catch a day with sunshine and no wind so I dont paint myself.

   This poor duck had lost all his paint and started to become waterlogged. I dried him out and spray painted him with Valspar gloss. I covered his eyes and spent a couple days doing it. He is now rain proof and a nice bright makeover for the quacker. I am trying repurpose what I have to save money. That is the plan anyway.

   I have been eating more veg since Monday. Easter was my last day of not following the cdiff rules eating. I have a fridge full of vegs and chicken. I will try my hardest to lose the 30lbs or at least 20 And to make my gut feel better. I have like a week of feeling great then I eat pizza and set myself back. I definitely have to stay away from grease and dairy.

  Lu is not doing well. Her heart meds were upped again. She has fluid around her heart.  She takes a diuretic and another pill. I wonder if she will survive this year. She is my love. I have never loved a animal as much as I love her. Because of her age, there is really nothing to fix it. I just love her and spoil her rotten while I still have her. She is 8 years old. We have had her for 6 years.

  Okay, I am done for now. I am cranky and I have a sink full of dishes waiting.
Have a great week!