Life can be shit

 *225 at gastro, 230 at the hospital*

  The massively large blizzard with two feet of snow will not happen for us on the shoreline. We had some snow early this morning but it quickly changed over to ice and rain. That is gonna be fun to clean up. We will have to go out in it while it is still relatively warm so it doesnt completely freeze. Ugh

 I started this blog post before the blizzard. Stuff got in the way and I never got to it to finish it. Oh well. Then life shit all over us. Let me get a coffee while you watch Jenna put rhinestones on her face.....Okay, I am back. Instead of another cup of coffee, I made myself a horking big salad. That is how I roll at 10am. I went to get the cream and forgot I bought a rotisserie chicken breast the other day. Salad it is! I have been eating alot of crap lately and not following the way I have to be eating. I have not fallen completely off the rails but... cookies and crap have happened. I have to just do this one day at a time and fight the urges to eat garbage. It is my addiction to sugar and wheat that I am fighting. So this morning I will start off with a mixed green salad with half avocado, cut up chicken, a couple cherry tomatoes, a tablespoon of blue cheese, and some dressing. Good start to the day. At noon, I have an appointment to get a massage. A well deserved one after the last week I have had.

This is my poor Jeepo. She is totaled. She is no more. Last Friday, a guy veered in front of me as I was going straight and we had a head on collision. Kid #2 was my passenger. We are sore from the accident but no broken bones thankfully. We have a rental until the total loss paperwork goes through. That could be about 2 weeks. Our mechanic has gotten his license to sell cars. He has been going to the auctions to get for him to sell. He is going to get us a new to us SUV and only charges us a small finders fee. He will be able to check the vehicle to make sure it is not a piece of shit. We are hoping for another Jeep but we have a few specifics that we asked for. He goes every Wednesday, we gave him money for the auction, and he will text us when he sees something. If we do not get anything next week, we can get something the following week. I dont want to wait for the check for the total. Let`s just get something so I do not have to drive the Nissan aka clown car around. She is a good old car but she is rickety and 16 years old. I do not want to kill her. That is why I am glad we have the rental.

  And the other shoe is health wise. So I went to have a mammogram and have my Thyroid biopsied. Insurance is going away so might as well get these things done. Next day I get the call. I have to redo my mammogram which is not a big deal to me at that point. The girls are dense and I always have to have a redo. But I stupidly went on MyChart to check my appointment times. My boobs have two appointments. One for a mammo redo. One for my left breast only for an ultrasound. That does not make me happy at all. The second part of the phone call was about my thyroid. It seems that the nodule (or more) have grown to the point that I need a biopsy. That is next Monday. I am scared shitless of needles in my throat. Shitless! I have finally figured out a few things though. The swallowing issue I have been having that is not my esophagus is most likely my thyroid. And my itching is most likely my thyroid. I worry that they will want to remove it. I am not worried about cancer with the thyroid because that is a very remote possibility and if it is, it is one of the easiest cancers to survive.  So yeah. Life is shit right now.

And it is fucking cold! It is Spring and it is freezing.

I gotta go. I took too long to write this and I still have to take a shower before my massage. I will report back on Monday after the biopsy unless I have died of fright.

Namaste

Fat Tuesday Gorgefest. Not Really

*228* <---I lost 3 lbs so far!

  The sad assed eat-a-thon is over for me. I am going to use Lent (and today and yesterday) as my jumping off point back into full keto. I even made a declaration on IG. I want to see if I can lose another 50lbs by October. That is how much I lost the first go around. I lost my way but I am back on track. I am not looking at it as a failure if I do not lose another 50lbs by the Fall, but I have had better lost something. At least 20-30lbs! I have goals!

Yesterday I went to the pharmacy to fix the mess that is our insurance. I talked to the pharmacist about my gut issues. I bought a bottle of pancreatic enyzmes to help aid in my digestion because I do not have a gallbladder. You take a pill with meals. We shall see. I just started it today. He also bestowed the virtues of peppermint oil. If you ingest small amounts (i dip a toothpick in the bottle and stir it in my coffee) it helps with spasms, gerd, ibs, and contractions of my colon. I started it yesterday so I cannot say anything yet but I will come back to it at a latter date to give a full report. It helps with alot of things especially appetite suppression. Supposedly if you take a few sniffs or put a dot under your nose, it helps you from being hungry or gorgy. I will definitely need that in the coming weeks cause that is why I have failed to get back on the wagon with Keto.

 We have insurance until the end of April. It has been a bit of a hassle getting stuff kick started but Hubs talked to somebody yesterday, I sent out a check (we pay what he paid as employee) and it will be turned on soon. This is why I am thankful that we cashed in the money. If we had not, we would be up shits creek. I have made some appointments coming up for mid March. I still have to have the MRI on my neck to make sure if all is ok. Part of me just doesnt want to know. I wont have real insurance to have it taken care of so why bother. Hospitals and Doctors treat you differently when you are on State Medical. This is another reason why we are going to get back to eating keto and losing more weight. The weight loss will help with the health aspect and keep us out of the doctors office.

     We have not had stuff done around the house yet. I want to hold off at first. We are going to have Venus in retrograde for the first 2 weeks of March and it is NOT a good time to have work done or make major purchases.  This I just learned and I am going to follow that advice. We have a few things that we want to do around the house that are necessary like fix the fascia around the border, find out about new gutters, get the house painted in the Fall, etc. And I dont want anything to happen to fuck that up. Waiting a couple weeks wont be a tragedy. I already talked to a friend about the garden beds in front of the house. She is gonna crunch some numbers. I do not want to spend alot but I am not gonna be cheap either. Mid range is the way to go. If they are up before the summer, I will be happy!

  I did not hear from the place that I put in my resume. But I went in to pay the bill yesterday. The lady at the front told me the hiring manager is on vacation and will be back next week. That is why there was no call! She said that when they are hiring, they like to have both the manager and the supervisor in on the interview. Her face told me not to worry, I would get a call. Oh my word, how am I going to deal with two people asking me questions?? I am going to have to just be cool, be myself, it is okay, and ask my higher power to help me with this aspect of my life. I need this. I feel it is a perfect fit for me. I have done it before. I am healthier now then I was back then. I can contribute to our lives with medical benefits. The money is not great but it will get better with time.

   Today is Fat Tuesday. It is the last day to gorge yourself before the 40 days of Lent march on until Easter. I am a Catholic by trade so I know these things. I guess eat sugar free Twizzlers for dessert last night would be considered a bit of a gorge? I dont know. Hubby and I made THE best keto stuffed peppers. I dont even have a website recipe. We just made it up.

Heidi`s Keto Stuffed Bell Peppers
-Four Red Bell Peppers, tops cut off, dig out the seeds. You are going to want to steam them for about 10 minutes to get them a bit soft but not too soft. Stand them up in small baking dish.
-One and half cups of riced cauliflower. You can get this in the produce section. It has a steam bag for the microwave.
-Half a yellow onion, minced and sauteed
-3 cloves of garlic, minced and sauteed
-1 package of Hatfield loose Italian pork sausage and 1 package of Hatfield loose chorizo sausage, sauteed till brown
-Pasta sauce of your choice, either home made or from the jar.
 Mix the meat, riced cauliflower, cup of sauce, onions, garlic, salt, black pepper, basil, and garlic powder. Fill each pepper with the mixture. Top with Mozzarella cheese. Pour remainder of the sauce in the bottom of the baking dish. Cook in a 350 deg F oven for 30 minutes. We went to 45 because we like it to have a little brown on the cheese.
I do not have nutritional information cause I just made this up but if you wanted to know, you could look up the ingredients on MyFitnessPal. This dish makes four servings. It was really good. I was saying Yumm as I ate it. That will be made again.

  Oh! I bought myself a pair of sneakers! Real Nike Sneakers. I tried them on and I like them. They are hard soled but have squishing bottoms. You feel like you are walking on air. Since Meteorological Spring is here tomorrow, my ass it going to start walking again. Up the street, around, and down the street. Gotta take care of the ass jiggles. My legs are so cottage cheesy from losing weight. I know that it wont all go away because of my lack of collagen but I could try to tone a little bit. I also know that moving my booty will help with the arthritis in my hips and back. It is not bad yet but if I do not move my ass, it will be.

That is about it. There is nothing spectacular going on this week really. Just paperwork and ideas of things to come. As it gets warmer, I will have better stuff to show and talk about. I hope you all have a great last day of February. Get out and enjoy something yummy! Let`s hope NO MORE SNOW!

Namaste.

Learning the ways of the Empath

Sunrise from front porch

*227* <--i haven't weighed so I dont know..possibly 2 ton

  I had a difficult dream last night and it woke me up at 4am. I woke up the previous night at 5am. I have not had a nap so you can just guess how I feel. Kid #1 is going through some work stuff (she will be fine) but I think what is going on in her mind and heart has been presenting itself to me in my dreams. Sounds trippy. I know. I am not the trippy kind of gal. But I have had some revelations this past month. You will either believe it or you wont. I wont go deep deep DEEP into it because I dont want any of you to think I am completely off my nut. I am a Empath. I am highly intuitive. I have the gifts of Clairsentience and Claircogizance.  There is probably more to me in this realm but I dont really know.

   I will not get into the entire story because it would be just way too long. Long story short, I was invited and introduced to a Massage Therapist that could help me with my ongoing back pains. She is a friend of a friend. Remember how I never had a massage before. This was a whole new world for me. Like people have issues with strangers touching their feet for a pedicure, I had a issue with strangers rubbing my body. I decided to just do it. Have the experience and if I didn't like it, I wouldn't have to do it again. I was sent there not only because of my back. I was sent there because my friend knew. She knew that I was an empath and I needed to be told so. The massage therapist also has a degree as a psychotherapist. She felt very like home to me. She told me that I am a highly intuitive person. I am a Empath. I have to learn to ground myself. I have to learn to meditate. Yoga is out for now because of my arthritis. I have been reading and watching videos ever since.

  In a nutshell (nuts again), Empaths are sensitive to their surroundings more then other people. Some have some gifts, some have other gifts. We all do not have the same. All my life I have been able to tell when someone is lying. I do not like disingenuous or false people. They turn me right off and I can spot them 10 miles away. If you are a fake bitch, I want nothing to do with you. I can sense peoples emotions, intentions, and sometimes thoughts. I have been yelled at for finishing other people`s sentences. I can look at your face and know how you are feeling. My ability to sense negative energies or possibly spirits is in the realm of Clairsentience. That has been going on most of my life. I just thought it was a quirky trick and I helped friends pick out apartments that didn't give me the shivers.  I never really talked about these things before because 1. I dont want to be labeled as crazy. 2. It was just who I am. No need to announce something that is normal to me.  Until I found out I was a little extraordinary.

  Let me tell you a freaky story. I had done an application for that job that I want. But I never added a resume or cover letter because I did not know I was supposed to. I have not applied for a job in like 20 years. I also realized that I really messed up on the application. No one had called me so I decided to be proactive. I said to myself that I hope they did not see my other application. I had Kid #2 pick up another one for me. I filled it out the right way, did the resume and cover letter, and presented them two weeks ago while coming in to pay my bill. The lady that I always see up front remembered that I had brought another one in. I told her that I forgot about the resume and cover letter so I figured I would correct the situation. I asked out loud about it in the car after I left. All I wanted was a chance. Just a chance. If it is meant to be, please help me let that happen. Three hours later...I had a telephone interview. Come to find out, the lady up front brought my application to the back and  told the hiring manager and the supervisor to call me..interview me.  She and they looked for my first application. They could NOT find it. It was gone. I found this out the other day from her. (new billing cycle so I paid the bill). She said it was a good sign that I was called that quickly. She smiled at me in a way that let me know that I will probably get a sit down interview for the job.  So everyday I make it a point to ask my higher power/spirit guides to help me. If this job is meant for me to have, please let me be correct in my path. Help me with the interview. Calm my mind and spirit. Let them see that I would be the right choice. Sometimes coincidences arent coincidences at all.

  Ever since I have been told, stuff has been happening. Like I said, I am not going to get into it all because that would take too much time. But if I have a good story to tell that pertains to it, I will share.

  We have had a couple warm days and a string of really warm days are coming this week. I am sick of looking at the dirty snow. I will be glad to see it go. I have plans for this growing season and they are gonna happen! I have already committed to the three beds at the community garden this year. We will keep them at least this year. I dont know about next year, we will see. But since we are going to have some money to do things around the house, I want my garden beds in the front. Three long beds filled with compost. The front yard will have to be dug up and smoothed out first. Then I will buy lots and lots of wood chips to cover around the beds.  I want to be able to veggie garden in my Pjs. Once the weather gets warmer, we have some things that have to be done around the house. Most definitely have to have the outside spigot replaced. I havent been able to use it for two seasons cause we turned it off. It was leaking. That is going to be done. I will totally take pics on IG of the progress. I keep hoping for the warmer temps so I can start growing some lettuce and radishes!

  Kid #2 and I decided yesterday that we want a roasted chicken dinner today. I have to pick up a chicken this morning cause Hubby will put a dry rub on it to sit in the fridge for a couple hours. I am thinking of doing a cauliflower gratin to go with it. I will use almond flour in place of regular flour.  This recipe stands out to me. I have some stone ground mustard in the fridge I could use too. I will not use breadcrumbs. Mmmm! I have been bloated from corn chips yesterday. Dont ask. It was not a good day yesterday and as a family we went out to eat.  I have to realize that my kids are grown and I cannot be Mama bear all the time. Sometimes they have to walk their path alone, even if it is very hard to do. It is hard for me to. The kid will be okay. She will flourish in her life and her future. What has happened is just a stepping stone in her life.

 I am blathering because of lack of sleep! I need to take a nap but that will happen later while Hubs cooks the chicken. I hope you have a wonderful week. Especially this Sunday. Go out and enjoy some Vitamin D.
Namaste