Breast Cancer sucks. The end.
I have been waiting to find out what my treatment plan is going to be. I have to wait for the genetic score of my tumor before it can be decided. I found out yesterday that the latest that it will be ready is June 15th. I have been very silent and holing myself up because it is just too much to deal with. I saw the oncologist last week and I asked what my treatment options looked like. Because the cancer moved into the lymph node, I could be seeing some type of chemo.
If my score is 0-17, I will have radiation for 5 1/2 weeks (Mon-Fri) and hormone blockers for 5 years. 18-25 is a grey area but because my cancer acted off (should not have gone into the node) I will have to do 4 rounds of chemo (Taxol) every 3 weeks, radiation, and hormone blockers. If it is 26 and above...6 months of chemo (two types), then radiation, and then the hormone blockers. Yup. Now you know why I have been very quiet. I have fucking cancer dreams. And if one more person tells me not to worry, I am gonna knock them out. No one who has ever had cancer has said that to me. It is always someone that never had it or any bad illness. Think about it. You are told you have a cancer that will basically never go away and it kills people. I was told my cancer was survivable. If that isnt a mind fuck, i dont know what is.
Then I had a whole issue with our health insurance. I dont want to get into it but basically some illegal stuff happened and I was dumped from hubs work plan by the insurance company. But we were helped by the company insurance dude. We all have insurance now and it is actually going to be a better benefit for us in the long run then the company option. The only thing that sucks is I have no dental insurance. A diabetic with no dental. Isnt that lovely? A cancer patient with no dental. I will be losing teeth, I bet.
I literally have nothing to say. Well I do have things to say but I wont say them. I am dealing with some family stuff (not anyone in the house) that I would love to share but I fear that one or two of them read here and I am not gonna add fuel to that fire. Not that I care at this point. I have other things to contend with over that. See how I didnt tell you anything but I did tell you something. LMAO. Yeah, I am not in a good place right now in my head. I try to keep myself busy and that seems to make it less about the cancer at times. I am praying that it is only radiation. Low numbers please. I dont think I will survive 6 months of chemotherapy and I am not being dramatic. With my stomach issues and diabetes...plus she said my cdiff will probably come back because chemo gives you infections.
Enough of that. This is a super depressing post and I am sorry for that. Go watch a kitten video or something to wash this shit from your brain. Once I know what is going on, I can process it better and face whatever is coming my way. Right now I just cannot. But I felt I should post something so the 2 of you and the Bot would know what was going on.
I am going to go back into my hole now.
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