There are no farmer`s tans allowed!

Lemon Balm at the house

*228*

  I am taking a break from the miserable existence that is my Monday to have a healthy discussion about why I am so hateful lately. If you are not in the mood to read me whine, then just do not do it. Find something way better to do.


   I am not gonna look back to see what I already said cause I am in that kind of mood. If I repeat myself, my apologies. Where do i start? Ummmm
Yeah, my gut is royally fucked. I am back on the Vanco on a loooooooong taper (day 25 I think) and it isnt working. My colitis is so bad, I feel like I am in a tight corset. If you add in that is humid as all get out, that is a recipe for some asshole comments coming out of my mouth. I am not happy and there is no positivity.  I see the gastro next week.


   Let me break it down for you. You all know I am slowly falling apart over here. This past month I have been told that the C-diff is being resistant because of my Type 2 diabetes. It doesnt matter that I am eating ketogenic now. The damage is done. I was told that my eyesight is fine for my age and my IIH is not messing with my optic nerves but my problem is Cataracts. Yes! I am a 47 yr old with cataracts so bad that they are effecting my vision. I have a check up in a year but if they bother me more before then, I have to come in. There will be surgery in my future for this. He kept saying *47 yrs old*. It is because of my diabetes also. High blood sugars can accelerate their growth. Good thing I changed my eating but not soon enough.  My hips need PT. I start this week. We know I have bursitis but he thinks i have a ball/joint issue. After PT, if they feel I need more help, I will have to have a MRI <---oh joy!

   Ummmm...Friday at the vet, Perla had a full on seizure in my arms. I thought she was dying. After that, it was decided it would not be safe to give her oral surgery. So I have two dogs (perla and Lu) that take meds to keep them alive but eventually I will have to put them down. My friend loaned us her car while ours was being fixed (rotor repair became a clusterfuck that cost $580 more). Someone crashed into to it while we slept. Bumper is fucked. It is scratched. The car is 10 yrs old so it only has liability. So to be a good friend, we are paying half. Another $200-300. We know it was the bitch daughter across the street cause she has a big long silver gash on her passenger side of her car. But we cant prove it. I am done talking to those people for life now.

In the midst of all that, I keep having pleasant dreams about my good sister/friend that dumped me two years ago. I am blocked so I cannot talk to her. So I just get to be sad everytime I have one of those dreams. And realize she has moved on and my subconscious is a pathetic loser.

 Life for me sucks. And if somebody tells me that I can overcome or I am not trying hard enough or Jesus will heal me...they are gonna get lambasted. How about I dump all this shit on YOU and then I could go have a nice day at the beach. How about that? I just wish I didnt have so much weighing on my mind. It is so exhausting sometimes. I see other people`s faux lives on FB and wish I could have a faux life too. Full of bars, fancy dinners, cruises, trips, get togethers, wine tastings, and all the fun things they seem to be able to cram into their perfect little faux lives. My hightlight of today was watering the garden and harvesting some Bok Choy. Woohoo!

It is heatwave territory for us here now. I do have a nice even tan going. There is no pale upper arms for me this year. I have been wearing tank tops every chance I can get. Sucking up all that Vitamin D. I would go to the beach today but I got that whole gut/corset thing going on.


If I could just be happy and maybe get some happy surprises along the way, that would do me a solid in life. It is just one long stretch of the Matrix until I leave this place.
Wow, that does sound really ominous, huh? I am just in a long stretch of pain with heat on top so I am moody.

I will try to be positive the next time.

Summertime 2016

*229*

   I am laying out on the couch with the little dogs with the AC intermittently going and contemplating what is for dinner. I am thinking a stir fry of cut up pork chips with onion and red bell pepper. That is probably gonna be it. Easy peasy meal. 

  I have some really great news. I called my endo office yesterday to find out what dosage of Lantus insulin I should take at night. I stopped taking it for over a week to see what my numbers were. I would have a before bed number around 110. My morning number would be like 130-140. Those are not normal people numbers but they are good for me. He said I don't have to take it anymore. Stop taking the lantus!! I have changed my life by myself. This is huge news for me. I went from the prospect of just careening down hill two months ago with this type 2, to eat low carb and discontinuing one of my insulins. The other is humolog. I take that with meals. Barely take it with meals. So I basically use it on occasion. Like I might need a small dose cause of the veggies I will eat tonight. Best news of my life in recent times. 

  Lu is not doing so great. I think her heart meds are not working like they did. She is close to last resort because she is so small. I am keeping her comfy, full, and happy. When the time is right, I will take her in. I love her to bits and pieces and I will be heartbroken over her. But not everything lasts forever. This I know. She is on three meds for her heart. That is more then some people. I will enjoy her now while I have the time. 

  The garden is doing okay. There was an issue with the potted plants here at the house. The plants started to turn yellow. I added some Miracle Grow and they are perking back up. Our broccoli was a major dud. We found out that we put too many in the space. We will pull them out and plant some leafy lettuce. I also learned that right now is a good time to pull all the flowers off the pepper and tomato plants. They need more time to grow and flowering is not the time. I will get bigger plants if I do that. You learn something new every day. Our strawberries have been a big crop. We have harvested about 4 quarts so far and we still have fruit that isn't ready yet to pick. I am very happy this year with the progress.

   Since my Dr appt when I decided that low carb high fat would save me, I have lost 17lbs. My gastro appt is on Monday. I am hoping to drop another 3-4lbs so that I can at least show that I lost 20. I didn't make it to the 30lbs but he won't balk at the 20. He has been trying to get me off diabetes meds forever. My stomach is still iffy at times but not as bad as it was before. It doesn't have the carbs and sugar to feed off of. Except for a couple French fries in the beginning, I have stuck to my plan. I have had to tweak it here and there because I had stalled a little in weight loss and I figured out I was eating too much fat and not enough protein. Hubby has joined me also. He sees how the results are working for me and he wants some of that! Lmao

  I am going to be going to the beach at least once a week, maybe more. I am wearing sunscreen but not spf 5000. Part of my problem is not enough vitamin d, so I will try to fix that with some good old fashioned sun bathing. I won't be out there for hours but enough to get a bit of color, enjoy the day, and get in the water. The ocean was too cold today for swimming. It needs some warm days to get the water at a better temp. 

  

 We have been walking much more. It is starting to get warmer so I won't be able to do it when the temps reach the upper 80s to 90. I have to stay out of sun. 

That is about it here with me. I need to get off this couch now and start the dinner. The man will be off work in an hour. 

Have a great rest of your day!