A new year to conquer

*237* <----I gained but I got it back down to this

  I have a feeling you have all disappeared because of my blogging hiatus. I really wasnt planning on coming back at all. Life got away from me and this was not something I had time for. I mean, theoretically, if I did want to do it, I would find time to. But I just did not. If you had been waiting for me to come back, I am sorry.

    You still know I am alive because my IG is attached and you can see my postings. You can also see that Keiko is a BIG girl. She is my sweet little muffin baby. She is not nice to everyone else but me. And that is how it should be. We lost Perla last month (the chihuahua). Vet thinks it was an bad intestinal infection. It came on quickly and took her without her having to go through any trauma going to the vet. Ruby is the lone dog now. We have put her on a diet and she is liking her single status. But we make sure not to say Perla`s name. She looks around for her if we do.

  About 2 months ago, I started a new way of eating challenge. Because of my diagnosis of Psoriatic Arthritis, I wanted to try not to take any strong medications for it. I was given the idea that I should eat AIP (autoimmune protocol) and Keto (because of my blood sugars). These two styles of eating for health come together as a very harsh harsh way of eating. HARSH! I had fallen off the keto wagon and gained about 20lbs. It was all stress related to health stuff. It was time and with a good talking to, I embarked into the AIP/KETO. I did not fully immerse myself into fat, and I was hungry all the time. I decided to give myself the Christmas holidays to indulge (but not over indulge) and pick back up on it for January. And here I am. AIP?KETO consists of avoiding grains, gluten, nightshades, nuts, seeds, bad for you oils, all fruits but berries occasionally, dairy, eggs, rice, high carb veggies, coffee, and sugar. I have been drinking tea in place of coffee and it has been okay. I have a nice strong English Breakfast that gives me the caffeine I need to get through life. 

  I do not want to get into my health woes anymore. If it is something serious, I will mention it but otherwise, I am gonna keep it to myself. That is probably why I have no followers because it reads like a pity party. It isn't but some may perceive it that way. I do want to mention a couple things. I had a architectural distortion removed from my breast, it was not cancer. I did BRCA 1 and 2 genetic testing and it came back negative. I could still be positive though. It is weird how that stuff is but the girls are safe. I was supposed to start taking a cancer drug this month but I decided against it. The side effects were too much for me to want to have to deal with. I will be having a MRI and Mammo on my breasts every six months to make sure there is no more growths. My gut is good and bad. Because of my change in eating, I have healed alot of my ulcerations and I am in good status with my colitis. I did find out from the new gastro that I am celiac. It explains alot.

  Right now, at this point in my life, I am doing okay. My birthday is on Satuday. The big 49. The last of the 40s. I will miss them when they are gone. As for the new year, no resolutions but just realizations. I have to stay with AIP until all my symptoms are gone. Then I slowly re-introduce foods on the no list. Some I will be able to add back, some I will never be able to eat again. Wheat and all gluten of course. I will stick with that modified AIP and Keto for as long as I am allowed to. I want to really start walking. It is way too bitterly cold here in the Northeast but when it gets back up to the 30s, I am out there. I have the sneakers. I have the socks. I have the clothes to get the job done. It will be better for my arthritis anyway if I stop being so stagnant and move my ligaments and joints. So walking and eating for health are #1 and #2 on my life realizations.

    Clutter has gotta go. I have been saying this for years but now I mean it. I want to get rid of anything that is just not worthy of this tiny space we have in this house. I have been tossing stuff that is garbage, donating , and selling since the Fall. Now I need to step up my game. I have books to donate, treasures to sell, and clothes to purge. If I have never used it, it has to go. I tend to hold onto some things because of nostalgia or it is old and I must own it. But I think I am done with all that. I want to make run for other things. Crap that is collecting dust and has no purpose for us can leave this house and give someone else a purpose.  DeCluttering in 2018 is #3.

  Money. Money has really been difficult this past year. I have been working with a state agency to get help with getting a job. I really want to try to do it. I am at the stage now where I am very close. I had two really good job interviews. I did not get the jobs but it is good practice. Now that the holidays are over, we are flooding my resumes out there in the ethers and hoping someone wants to give this old smart girl a chance.  I have always said, I need to budget. I need to save money. Blah blah blah. And then I do not do it. Once I wanted to try a no spend year. Nope. Then I tried No Spend Months. Nope, could even do that. I have a new attitude about it now. I aint spending any money. I have bills that need to be paid and paid off. I want to not stress about tax time. I want to have a nice job with some little part time job on the side. Make a good amount of money, be out in the world with people, and just enjoy that part of life that I have missed for the past 16 years. Have a healthy relationship with Money is #4.

  That is it. I have four goals for my life right there. I hope to at least accomplish them all. LMAO. I am realistic. But I have been thinking about this stuff since way before the holidays. I may fail at them all but I am going to try and we shall see how it goes.

If anyone is still out there, I am going to try to blog once every Monday. I will put it in my calendar to remind my forgetful ass.  I guess I could say Blogging my shit would be #5 on that list of life affirming junk.

Toodles. :)



 


   

Happy Boxing Day 2016

*This video was shortened by :27 seconds. The beginning was a hilarious exchange between the two but I guess someone wanted to make it more PC*  Update...They fixed it! Yay!

   I am very sad. I loved loved loved George from the very beginning. I always sang along when I heard his songs. He was a big part of my 80s and growing up. I did not realize how close in age we actually were. I loved him and nothing changed that. The years gone by, scandals, or drugs did not make me be snide toward him. May he forever rest in peace.

  Box-ing Day: noun (in parts of the British Commonwealth) a public holiday celebrated (strictly the first weekday) on the day after Christmas. 
Origins:  mid 19th century: from the custom of giving tradespeople a Christmas box on this day. 


  Today is the day after Christmas. I was too busy cooking and enjoying, that I figured I would post today. I do not celebrate Boxing Day but today is the day and one of my favorite Brits has passed on, so I deemed it appropriate. I was in the middle of cleaning the pantry when I remembered I had to post. I finished the whole left side. Basically because it was the easiest and less gross side. Eight shelves that have our canned goods, grains, pastas, and all things we use to cook meals. Hubby and I only venture in their for veggies (if no fresh or frozen), oils, and that is about it. I will be filling it with more compliant stuff for us. Our flours stay in the freezer.  I just sprayed down the top right side. This side is gross. The top shelf holds all the vinegars, oils, and liquid spices. That shelf is disgusting cause soy sauce and liquid aminos stain. The next shelf holds all the pet food. Again it gets gross. Last shelf carries all of our medications inside tubs. After that I have to tackle the bottom right. All my baking stuff. Ugh. That is just a mess. MESS! It has to be organized top to bottom.


  To add to my tales of woe...hubby and I are back on LCHF/Keto 100% starting today. I am not making excuses for my eating behavior anymore. I will say that this past month has been really bad emotionally. I decided to eat my feelings with carbs and sugar. I have not gained weight but I feel gross. My gut is bloated. I have headaches again. Just yuck. He was sticking to it about 80% but we totally just jumped ship on Christmas Eve Eve. I had chinese food with rice and I ate the rice dammit!  I ate stuff that I should not have and I am moving on. This morning it was a BPC with 3 eggs, ham, onion, avocado, and a little pickled tomato. I just downed a squirt of whipped cream and later I will make some fat bombs. Those will save me as I get fat adapted.  That will take about a month to achieve.

  I have decided I will not go to the Yale spine clinic. I did not like it there for some reason. Gave me a bad vibe. My GP office called a referral for me to go to the local neurosurgeon`s office. That will probably be awhile to get in but I will wait. I have a MRI of my neck scheduled for the 30th. Part of me wants to cancel it. I have to drive myself so that means no valium. We shall see. I may just feign a head cold.

Let me go for now. I have some more shelving to clean and I need to eat some Jalapeno poppers. I will probably come back when I am less busy.

O Christmas Tree O Christmas Tree.

I wish I could have a little Christmas Tree

*252* <---compulsive overeating strikes again. I hate the holidays. I will nip it in the bud.


  I was going to buy one of these small table top Christmas trees this year just cause I have wanted it for a couple years. I came thisclose to getting it. I decided that would be just feeding into my spending habits so I decided not to. We have a free fake tree in the basement. Free is better then $19.99 plus tax.

 Today I will be bleaching the hell outta the downstairs bathroom. It is the dependents bathroom but they never clean it. They just wait me out till I cannot stand it anymore. So I just sprayed down the tub surround with Clorox spray. I will wait like 20 minutes and go scrub the shit out of it. That will last about a week and they will muck it up again.

 I have many things on my list but I can only do so much.

 I will be spending about $10-15 today at the grocery store. I have to pick up some canned tomatoes and paste plus some pasta. Hubs is going to his friends house tomorrow to watch football and wants me to make pasta. I will probably start it today. It takes hours to cook and I am not getting up super early tomorrow to make it.  Yesterday I bought groceries, gas, medicine, and the kid`s cigs. She has been doing chores to get them so I put them in the budget. That is her luxury and she is paying for it with manual labor. It is hard not to spend. You have to be really diligent. Very hard shit to do.

Gotta go. Bleach is getting to me. Ha! Have a great weekend

Fatty Liver rides again

*245*

  I am a bit sad about Robin Williams. He made me very happy when I was down. I always knew he felt the same way I did most of the time. That is what funny people are like. Happy on the outside. I hope that he has some peace now.

 I have been slowly purging and cleaning today. I HATE cleaning up after other people. I HATE being asked to do shit but never get anything in return. Ugh. I cleaned the ds bathroom because it was awful. I dont use it unless I have to pee really bad. That is the kid`s bathroom. They are 20, 21, and 25 but refuse to pull out the Ajax to scrub the tub. I wait till I cant take it anymore. I want my empty nest dammit!
 
  I went to the endo yesterday thinking it was my 3 month diabetes check. uh huh. It was a physical. He gave me a new insulin to see if that helps with the itch. He also set me up with a nutritionist to get my food life in order. I asked him to give me the full truth about my fatty liver. He said that I have n.a.s.h.
 He said that most people with it, never know it. There is a small subset of people that it could progress to cirrhosis of the liver.  He wouldn't say if he thinks I could be in that subset. He is a very straightforward person. He will fucking tell you. So I think he cant answer it but he didn't say I wouldn't be.  I have symptoms and pain. He said  no more booze, no OTC pain relief, and lose weight. That is what will help reverse it. I am going to rely on my instincts. If I dont change, I will have major liver issues.

 That being said, I am back to what I started last year. Same time of year, Same station. I will eat the way I was supposed to stick to all this time PLUS I will give up all carbonated beverages. Something about them weakens the flap that closes off the esophagus to the stomach. I have a six pack of orange that I will enjoy this weekend and that will be that.

 Same eating as before. Low carb meaning no pasta, rice, potatoes, or breads. Lots of veggies and fruits. Low fat meaning lean or no beef, lean or no pork. Much poultry and fish. Lots of fish! Tofu and limited eggs. Limited dairy but I will consume some but low fat. I will use vegan substitutes when I can.  Soy milk and Almond milk. Low carb grains, nuts, seeds, and powders. Salads up the wazoo. So if I have a chicken burger..it will be with no bread but a salad instead. You all know what I attempted before. I lost 30lbs and kept it off. 

 First goal is 210. I have 35 lbs to go. I could probably accomplish that buy Christmas. Back to the gym. Back to walking..bump heel or not. This is not a experiment this time. I have to do it forevah!

   I am basically talking to myself at this point. I know I have people that read this but nobody replies. So this whole thing is splayed out for me. If you are one of those hateful bitches...you know who you are...<---I know you hate when I do that...Fuck off! Keep your snide thoughts to yourself.
 I hardly think of you unless I post something like this one here. . Why not go make your husband happy for once, fuck him,  and stop being so bitter.

^^ That was menopause at it`s best.

Great cool weather out there. I am going to get off here and start some laundry.
 

Damn fine cup of coffee

*245*


 Once a month, I buy a can of the Cafe Du Monde regular coffee and chicory coffee. I buy it locally so it does cost a bit more. I think I will just buy a few in the mail, cut out the middle man and save myself $5. I could buy a case this month because there is an extra payday. I could stretch those out for only twice a month and I would be set for a year. It would save me a chunk. I will think about it.
 This coffee will grow hair on your chest! It is sooo good!

It is gonna be a sweaty one today. I watered all the plants inside and out. I have a few tomato buds showing. It is sad that I have so little to show for this year. I am giving tomatoes away at this time. Oh well. Took care of the fur babies. I always make sure they get out, do their stuff, come in, eat, drink and have ample areas to lay to keep cool.    And tossed laundry down the stairs. This is my inside day. I will wash all the bed linens, curtains from the living room and any stray rag laying around. If I do that plus get the livingroom tidy, I will have accomplished alot. I think I will probably make something simple like spaghetti for dinner <---no oven needed. Toss a salad and we are good!
    I have that one wall to paint in the room. Gotta get to it soon. Probably today.... I was hoping to lose 5 lbs in flop sweat anyway.The kid comes home in a week. I have to go out to purchase her a mattress and box spring and a bed pillow. She will be all set. I found out from her that she will be leaving at the end of the year. She is moving in with a room mate. Her long time friend. She knows she is ready and she can do this. I am very happy for her and for us. So painting her room is a formality. Just showing her that I care..even though she wont be there very long. The boy will not get the room. Umm nope. We want to delete people in our house. One down, two to go. This summer has been so great. Less money has been spent. We got rid of cable. We are tossing stuff. It feels liberating!

 I have finished my 2nd cup. I have another post to make and then I am off to sweat my ass off.
 

Damn Heidi, Where you been?

This is for my love of him

*114.5* <---apparently the scale is busted


  My mouse is busted too but I will get to the store eventually. I am sorry I have mot posted. I have no reason, just busy I guess.
 Fourth of July weekend was basically uneventful for me. We had downpours plus wind from Hurricane Arthur passing by on the 4th. Then the man went to his family`s cookout/reunion on the 5th. I did not go. I stayed home and cooked wings. WooHoo!  He went and told everybody that I stayed home cause it was empty and I wanted to enjoy the alone time which is untrue. He just wanted to keep the peace.  Basically by doing that made me look like a bigger bitch then they thought before. 
Yup
 You want to know why I didnt go? Cause most of them probably didnt want me there. It has become apparent that I am  not welcome at family functions. I am the white bitch that ruined it. Big shit happened a couple years ago where it was very well said out loud how I was hated and it was broadcasted on FB. Guess what? I didnt even do anything to get blasted. And not one person defended me. Some were told to just keep their mouth shut about it. They probably wanted to say something but it is best  not to stir the pot. This is why I will never ever go.. ever. Why go someplace where people dont want you? I would sit on a chair over------->there to be by myself for a few hours. Some will cordially come by to say hello but I will be ostracized. Umm,  no thanks.  Plus, it is kind of implied that I shouldnt go. I was never asked if I was coming, or told about the picnic like others.

 Why am I posting this? Just so it is out there. I said it. Someone might read it and understand.

   It is hot out today but not super bad. I think menopausing has made me immune to the heat. I am kind of liking it. We were supposed to buy a new AC for downstairs but we just have not done it yet. By the time he gets home, it has cooled off. Kid #1 isnt here and Kid #2 has ac in her room. I have fans going. I am good. I am not going to over do it though. Too humid for any real work today. I will think of what I can cook on the grill and make a salad. I refuse to complain about the heat. The winter was brutally cold. I will take this any time.  The garden is coming along. I had a late start because of the cold Spring. My plants are not as big as they should be at this time but they are getting there. I ran out of tomato cages so I bought some sturdier supports. Later when the sun goes behind the trees, I will switch out the stakes. I have a couple pots of  jalapenos that are under performing. That is okay. I have others.  I have my 2nd cup of coffee and a bowl of bing cherries for breakfast. I will change my clothes and start to puttering.

Oh I forgot to share. Look at what I bought for only $45.

Yes, you read correct. $45. This lady is moving to Florida and has to clear out. I also bought two side tables for $10 and $15. A balled foot dresser for $20, Three matching braided rugs (different sizes) for $20 and a black wood computer desk for $20. Oh..and a leaded glass cake stand with dome for $2. This is a happy lady over here!
 This is why I have work to do. The two old pieces that I used for side tables have to go to the basement for now. I have to repaint them to repurpose them.The rugs get hung over porch to get the smell of her musty basement out of them. They almost smell good.

That is all my news. The kid comes home in 5 weeks from Cali <---she likes it there. I have that long to paint her room. Wish my ass luck!

Stay cool and drink plenty of water