I woke up to rain hitting the roof above my head. It is a soppy April rain out there this morning. Supposed to be like this all day. I had no idea. I have been so preoccupied with life shit that I have not even paid attention to the little things, like the weather. I am surprised I dont feel very bad. Usually rain makes me feel like garbage in the head. Days like this make many of us FEEL the weather. We will see how the day goes and how much I get done.
I am sorry this has been delayed by a day or two. I had some stuff transpire and my mind has been elsewhere. The thyroid is fine. There is no cancer. I do have a 3cm nodule that you can feel cause it is right on the front of the left side of the thyroid. I also have a larger one in the very center, called the isthmus. I went to see my endo yesterday. I had blood work done and most definitely thyroid was in those tests. For right now, we are going to leave the nodules alone. He is definitely sure that they are not the reason I am having difficulty swallowing. If the swallowing becomes a major issue for me (it isnt just yet), I will make appointment for my ENT office. This is what I have to say about the biopsy of the thyroid..If you have to have one done, do not be afraid. They numb you enough that you do not have any pain. You WILL feel the pressure of the needle touching your thyroid. It is unnerving but it is not really painful. Maybe a tiny bit. But not gonna kill you and it is quick quick. If I have to have it done again, I wont be a chicken shit.
As for what happened yesterday, that was a whole different scenario. Let me refill my coffee cup. Okay, let me back track a bit. I went in Thursday for my second mammo. It was done on the left breast only. Then I had an ultrasound on the same breast. They found something called a architectural distortion. They basically said that it could be cancer or something called a radial scar. They cannot tell what it is because it is not palpable like a cyst or a lump. So they had to do a biopsy of it. Yesterday I think if I could have shit myself without embarrassment, I would have. I was having a Stereotactic Core Biopsy. That even sounds scary to me. They sat me in a chair, pushed me up to the mammo machine, pressed my boob in there to position where they could see the distortion, numbed the skin, numbed deeper in the boob, and then the mammo has a hollow needle that is attached that goes down into your.... Okay. You get the idea. Anyway. Because I am a freak of nature, I could feel the biopsy. They figured it was because my breast was so dense. There was no mistaking my facial expression. I could feel it and it hurt. The doctor just did what he had to do in a hurry. I just trooped it out because where the hell was I gonna go. They had me by the boob.
Right after that, I went for my 3 month check up at the endo. He said I do not have to wait until Thursday. That would be cruel. He told me to call his assistant in the morning and she will call pathology to get the results. I am really afraid of the results. Radial scars are rare unless you have had previous biopsy or breast surgery. I have had neither. Even if it is a radial scar, that has to come out. They can be a precursor to breast cancer. And now I will have to have mammos every 6 months instead of every year. Fuck me! My joke always was *if it isnt killing me, I am okay* Cancer is a whole other ball game. Plus with diabetes. That is no joke. I am sorry to sound morbid but it could be my ticket out of Dodge. Let`s just be as positive as we can. None of you will probably see this before I get the call back, but if you see it today...give me some warm positive thoughts. Let`s hope for the best outcome.
Okay..I gotta be positive. Right? Did you all see my Beemo in the Instagram feed on the left?? Isnt she the cutest? She is a 2011 x5. She has leatha seats. She has all the bells and whistles. She is GOR--G-OUS! She rides like a dream. There is no owners manual so I have been watching YouTube videos so that I know what all the gadgets do. I should get the title in 2 weeks. I will mail out the Jeepo`s title today so that the insurance company can cut the check. I am happy to not have to drive the 16 year old Nissan around. She is a good around the town car but she does not deserve to be used for day to day use. We still have the rental. We will have it until they send us the check for the Jeepo. Since we already bought a car, we will not have it for an extra week for buying a car..since we already did that.
Kid #2 and I went to the garden on Sunday. We cleaned out the beds. There was not much weeds which was really good. We have to top them all off with compost but that can happen this weekend. We purchased some lettuce seeds and I had some radish seeds already. I am glad we did not plant them on Sunday because they would be gone now with all this rain. We have planned to dedicate one bed to just peppers. We want an abundance of cayenne peppers so that we can make some more roasted red pepper flakes in the Fall. We all loved the jar of homegrown so much. We used it all. Our plan is to grow enough to fill at least three canning jars full. That should last us through the Winter and into the next growing season. We also cleaned out the strawberry patch. There is room in the middle for something. I was thinking one cantelope or one watermelon plant but I dont know. One solitary something that can use that space to its advantage. I have to think about it.
My fat ass has been eating crap. I gained as you can see. Fuckers. I wont hit the 240 mark. I will NOT! I REFUSE! I need to just hope to get in a better mindset. After I find out if I have breast cancer or not.
You all have a wonderful week. I am going to take my meds, drink my coffee, eat some eggs, and clean my room.
Peace!
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