The back of my brain tells me to get dressed, strap on my sneakers, put on warm clothing (hat, gloves, scarf), and get out there and walk. It will be good for me in all respects and I need to do it..I SHOULD DO IT.
Then the front of my brain tells me it is cold outside. You do not want to sweat. What if you fall down and cannot get back up. Those pains in your back will go away all by themselves.
What the hell is wrong with me? I will go and do it if I have someone telling me it is time to go. Then I will go, I will exercise, I will walk, I will do all the things I have to do to lose weight. But for me to do it on my own...I am just plain lazy. This is going to be a blog about fucking nothing I tell you. I will continue to gain weight, continue to bitch about it, and then body parts will start to fail because of the rampant diabetes. That is going to be my fucking life! Useless!
I do not even know why I started this blog sometimes. I am not doing any of the things I set out to do. It is just showing myself and others (if there is anyone else reading this) that I am just a talker/loser and I am never going to change. Except horizontally. And this pep talk I am trying to give myself will not work either. I can be all *Go Heidi! You can do it! I believe in you!* but there is a thick level of sarcasm with it. I am my own worst enemy. I will end up like my Mother. I wont have the brain sucking bipolar but I will have everything else. Fatness, inability to do things, and the diabetes that will continue to march across my body.
Sometimes I think about getting gastric bypass surgery. There is a certain one that has been done, that actually helps diabetics. But I cannot do that. For me, it is the easy way out. I would go through all that pain and suffering, lose the weight, and then my stomach would stretch and gain it all right back. I have to do it for me.
Not cause some Bitch told me I was not working it hard enough. I think that should help me. Think about that fat bitch who said that I am not serious about losing weight. That I needed to shut up and stop talking because my talking while walking meant I was not doing it to HER standards. Bitch has lost weight...but her Karma is so bad that everything in her life is going to shit.
Wow, that actually made me feel better. That is bad.
But I think showing the Bitch up will get me moving enough that it will become a routine.
It is still cold outside..LOL 32 Deg F right now at 9am. I could get out there, walk , and be home in half and hour.
We will see.....
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