Breast Cancer Sucks..Depressing post. You have been warned.

*230*


   Breast Cancer sucks. The end.

   I have been waiting to find out what my treatment plan is going to be. I have to wait for the genetic score of my tumor before it can be decided. I found out yesterday that the latest that it will be ready is June 15th. I have been very silent and holing myself up because it is just too much to deal with. I saw the oncologist last week and I asked what my treatment options looked like. Because the cancer moved into the lymph node, I could be seeing some type of chemo.
If my score is 0-17, I will have radiation for 5 1/2 weeks (Mon-Fri) and hormone blockers for 5 years. 18-25 is a grey area but because my cancer acted off (should not have gone into the node) I will have to do 4 rounds of chemo (Taxol) every 3 weeks, radiation, and hormone blockers. If it is 26 and above...6 months of chemo (two types), then radiation, and then the hormone blockers. Yup. Now you know why I have been very quiet. I have fucking cancer dreams. And if one more person tells me not to worry, I am gonna knock them out. No one who has ever had cancer has said that to me. It is always someone that never had it or any bad illness. Think about it. You are told you have a cancer that will basically never go away and it kills people. I was told my cancer was survivable. If that isnt a mind fuck, i dont know what is.

  Then I had a whole issue with our health insurance. I dont want to get into it but basically some illegal stuff happened and I was dumped from hubs work plan by the insurance company. But we were helped by the company insurance dude. We all have insurance now and it is actually going to be a better benefit for us in the long run then the company option.  The only thing that sucks is I have no dental insurance. A diabetic with no dental. Isnt that lovely? A cancer patient with no dental. I will be losing teeth, I bet.

  I literally have nothing to say. Well I do have things to say but I wont say them. I am dealing with some family stuff (not anyone in the house) that I would love to share but I fear that one or two of them read here and I am not gonna add fuel to that fire. Not that I care at this point. I have other things to contend with over that.  See how I didnt tell you anything but I did tell you something. LMAO. Yeah, I am not in a good place right now in my head. I try to keep myself busy and that seems to make it less about the cancer at times. I am praying that it is only radiation. Low numbers please. I dont think I will survive 6 months of chemotherapy and I am not being dramatic. With my stomach issues and diabetes...plus she said my cdiff will probably come back because chemo gives you infections.

 Enough of that. This is a super depressing post and I am sorry for that. Go watch a kitten video or something to wash this shit from your brain. Once I know what is going on, I can process it better and face whatever is coming my way. Right now I just cannot. But I felt I should post something so the 2 of you and the Bot would know what was going on.

I am going to go back into my hole now.

One week later

one of four types of hosta in my yard

*230*

  I am here. I am alive. I assume you know that because I am still posting on IG. Today is one week since my breast cancer surgery. I had a bilateral (both breasts) lumpectomy to remove cancer on right and radial scar on the left. The surgeon only removed one lymph node which is amazingly good. Really good. Means no spread there. I have to wait 3 weeks for the results of my Oncotype test. Lets pray for a very very very low score. We dont want no chemo over here. I see my surgeon on Thursday for post op. I see my onco end of the month. I start radiation after I am healed in 6 weeks. So we are looking at the end of June. Then I do that for 5 and 1/2 weeks. That carries me to the first week of August. Then I will start the hormone blocker meds after that...five years of that bitch. Hopefully the symptoms wont be too bad for me. I am going to stay positive.

   I am healing very well. The steristrip on my armpit came off in my sleep last night. It was hanging by a thread. I trimmed it. No pulling off. It has to come off on it`s own or the surgeon will do it. The areas are so itchy but I just smack them and tell them to shut up. Literally just smack them like a tattoo. My honest opinion, lumpectomy surgery is a piece of cake in the surgery side of things. I took Tylenol for the first 2 days and then I was fine. If you are ever faced with this type of surgery, just know that it is not horrible pain wise and healing is super easy.

    I had to keep it easy last week but I did get some gardening done before surgery. The garden bed on the side of the house is filled. Kale, beets, cauliflower (a first for me), swiss chard, and lettuce. It is doing very well. I have three big pots filled with radish babies and I have three pots with a basil plant in each. Still too cold here to break out the tomato plants. I do not have a bed in the front done yet so I think I will do a couple cherry tomato plants in pots and call it a day. I also have my trusty pot of chives. She comes up every year. I did not renew my membership to the community garden and decided to just stay home this year. I am going to do some shade veggies and hopefully I will have garden beds built in the front by the Fall! Dammit! LOL..I did talk to a friend of Hubs. He will do it for me. I just want two 4-6 foot long ones and that is all. I will be happy.

  Yesterday was the last day of Breast Cancer Bingefest 2018. I had been basically eating whatever I wanted but not overeating, mind you. Gluten, sugar, rice, and just general crap. My skin tells the tale of my treachery. I realized a couple months ago that when I do not eat gluten, my skin clears up without any help from steroid cream or medications. Patient heal thyself. I had the last yummers last week and I am going to slowly fight the carb and sugar cravings while I get back into low carb. Last night I had chicken cacciatore with mozz cheese over yam noodles. Today, I do not know what I am going to make. Something with hamburger probably. Maybe just actual burgers on the grill with a salad. No bun needed. Put an egg on top of the burger.

  That is about it for me this morning. I have to get moving. I have let moss grow on my butt too long. I have to keep myself busy. Have a great week and I will talk to you later!

April Showers Bring May Flowers

*235* <---Something like that. Around about there. 

 I was awoken by a couple cats at 3am. They decided that would be a perfect time to ask for breakfast. Most of the time they bother Hubs because they know he has to get up anyway. The nerve of them! I know for sure I will be taking a nap later.  No gardening going to be going on today. It rained so much yesterday that all the leaves and the beds are saturated. I like to garden but I am not that hardcore.

  Let`s get the icky stuff out of the way. I saw the surgeon. She says that my left boob is negative. No cancer. There is a very small radial scar that will have to come out but otherwise, thank god! The cancer in the other breast is stage 1a grade 2 at this point. That could change after everything is biopsied. She is going to recommend me for radiation. <---not fucking happy about that. I am having surgery to remove the two areas in the breasts and a few lymph nodes on the right on May 14. May 1 I have an appointment with the oncologist and I know she is going to put me on the dreaded Tamoxifen. I already saw a shrink and he gave me a script for Lexapo to deal with the Tamoxifen. I havent started taking it yet. I hate side effects. I will probably start taking it on this Sunday. Fresh week with a fresh new medication.

  I do not know how I feel right now about all of this. I should be freaked out and I think a small part of me is. But I have to take it day by day. There is nothing I can do about what is going to happen cause it has to happen to make the cancer go away. We will just pray really hard that the Onoctype testing on the biopsied pieces will come back with a very low number. It is a test that will tell you if you have a chance of reoccurence of the cancer. Higher then 20% will require chemo or mastectomy or both. LOW NUMBER! I have a oncology nurse navigator. She will help me with appointments, if I do not feel well, classes, questions, insurance, and the like. I will have three doctors and someone has to help you navigate the maze of cancer.

As for otherwise life, nothing much else is occupying my mind at the moment. I do have the garden going on but with the deluge of rain we had been getting, I havent planted the lettuce or radish seeds yet. I am hoping that I get out there tomorrow when the ground has dried some. I want to get them in the ground. I also need to pick up some kale and collard plants at some point. Yesterday`s rain was really bad. I am surprised the basement didnt flood a little bit. I have to do the kombucha today after I come back from the dispensary. It is time to bottle it. If you wait too long, it starts to taste vinegary. So today is the day.

 I am boring. I have nothing witty to discuss or share. My mind is in boring old Cancerland and I have lack of sleep. Maybe the next post will be more exciting. Maybe not. Whose to know.
I hope you have a great rest of your week. I will be back to share again next week. Pray for lots of sunshine!

Forgive me for my tardiness

*234*

  Yes, I have breast cancer in my right breast. This is why I havent posted. I have been walking around in a bit of a fog. I had a MRI biopsy on my left breast yesterday. Next Friday I see the boob surgeon to talk about what those results are and what my journey will be. I have a Invasive Ductal Carcinoma (IDC) that is Estrogen and Progesterone positive and HER2 negative <---that is very good. It is very small, about 9mm. If there is nothing nasty going on in the left, I will probably just have surgery and take the Tamoxifen for five years. But I do not know what is going to happen. We do not know if it is in my lymph nodes. We do not know what is in my left breast. So I have no more answers then what I just said.

  That is all I really want to talk about today. I am just not ready to engage with people. I have been working in the garden bed on the side of the house to get it ready for planting. I have been just keeping busy so I do not have to think about it. I just realized I had not posted and guessing there are some of you that were waiting to hear from me. I am sorry, please forgive me.

Ok. I will post when I think about it and I will let you know what is going on. I am going to go work on the chicken dinner I have planned.
Have a good weekend.

Easter is a-coming

*235*

  I am eating my breakfast as I type this up. Still feeling under the weather from whatever that virus was the hit me but it doesn't stop my gut from being hungry. I have got a smidge more then a month until my appointment with my GP and I have lost no weight. I am going to pull out all the stops starting yesterday. Keto all the way. I am not going to starve myself to lose weight though. Do not worry. I should have been doing this all along and I am a dummy (i say that to myself). I deserve to be told that I have to raise the amount of insulin that I take. Doesn't mean I will follow Doctors advice but I deserve to be told. He is gonna yell at me for not taking the Crestor. He and I both know I cannot take a statin. It gives me bad side effects. But I have high cholesterol. Part of me knows I should eat vegan but we all know that isnt going to happen. I do not like deprivation. I do not care if it will give me more years. I deprive myself every day of yummy foods and I cannot see myself not eating meats, eggs, and cheeses.  You see how well I am doing with losing weight for a Doctor`s visit is going.  Yes, I said I will not follow the Doctor`s orders when he raises my insulin. I am not walking around with super high blood sugars and I have lost damn near 65lbs in the past thousand years. I am going to just try to stay the fuck away from carbs and sugar. Stay away demons!

Saw the boob surgeon

   I had to reschedule my appointment because of a snow storm but I saw her that Friday after. She told me that she wanted to call me on the phone and explain what was found but she felt it would be better with visuals. Just the fact that she wanted to call me made me feel better but also made me go..oh boy.  She showed me the MRI of both breasts. The mass on the right is bright white and you can see the irregular margins. She said it could be a whole bunch of things. She rattled them all off and I do not remember. I said *or it could be cancer. * She said Yes but if it is, it is very very small. Then the other side is a big mass of non mass, 3cmX3cm. It could be a whole bunch of things from the most benign to ductal carcinoma. I am sitting here waiting for the hospital to call to set up appointment for a Ultrasound with possible biopsies. If they cannot see the things in question on ultrasound, I will have to have another MRI done and they will do the biopsies then. I do not want any biopsies at all. None. I hate them. They hurt me so much. Yeah. That is what is going on with me right now. Wondering if I have ticking time bombs in my breasts.

Trying....

  I am just trying to get by day to day. Money is extremely tight right now. I am hoping that it will get better. I am hoping that if I do have cancer, it does not need chemotherapy. Because I have my hustle and if I cannot do the hustle, we will be in serious trouble. I am trying to just get stuff done. There is so much to get done and there is only just me to do it. Yes, I know there are three other adults in this house but you all know my story. I do not have to repeat it to you. The things facing me at the moment....Install new Firestick. Taxes. New batch of kombucha. laundry. Mount clothes in my room. Bagging leaves and branches. Washing pots outside. Vacuuming. Wash the stairs. The list goes on and on. Oh, and I have to call Insurance cause that is all screwed up. But that can only happen after I drop my adult child off to work. Seriously..

April 1st


  I need to take the ham out of the freezer on Thursday. I have to go grocery shopping for all the food stuff for Easter dinner. We will have a veggie feast like years past. I will make a pot of mashed potatoes but I will not indulge. I will be happy with my meat and veggies. They want me to make lemon cupcakes with lemon cream cheese frosting. I will do it and it will be so hard not to eat one. OMG so hard. I did buy candy for baskets because I dont know why. I am trying really hard to stop doing things for them because they are grown assed people but then nostalgia hits and they bitch that they want a basket. Idk.

Ugh. I do not feel good. Feeling queasy over here. I also realize I have change to roll. We save our change, roll it (cause it is free), take it to the bank, and put it in savings. I probably only have about $50 but that is better then nothing.
I am going to go now. I am still in my jammies over here and I have to pick myself up and get some stuff done. yuck.
Have a good week and I will be back next week with some updates.

Stupidity to the highest degree

*235*

  I am late. I am late. For a very important date! I had the Mother of all migraines on Monday and it settled in until yesterday. I am not 100% today but I am functional.  We shall see how far I get before my head says No bitch and I have to end this. The 4th Nor`easter we had planned for yesterday was a major bust. It did finally snow in the evening but when we woke up in the morning, the hard surfaces were clean. No shoveling!! My hope is that will be THE last snow storm until like late October or November. Go snow. Just go. Easter is so close and we need some warmer weather so we can wear our sun dresses and sandals. *** I left to drop off Kid #2 at work, I seasoned these pork rib tips (in fridge) for dinner, and I ate a half a sleeve of Dos si dos.***

   Let me just get right to it. I had gotten an email last Friday stating that it was my MRI and mammogram results. My appt with the Boob surgeon wasnt until yesterday (which was cancelled because of the non snow). I was stupid and looked at the results. The radiologist found one thing in each breast. They are labeled as possible malignancies. Right Breast : There is a 9 mm mass with irregular borders seen at 1:00, anterior depth, approximately 3.4 cm from the nipple. It demonstrates washout enhancement kinetics and is minimally T2 hyperintense. Left Breast:  There is an area of nonmass enhancement seen just posterior to this, at 12:00, posterior depth. It measures approximately 3.3 x 3.2 cm in biaxial dimension. It demonstrates persistent and plateau enhancement kinetics.
It has been suggested that I have core biopsies on both breasts. I have a appt with the surgeon tomorrow (Friday). I will tell her that I was stupid and read the report. She will tell me what she has to tell me. The scary part is the Mammo. They did not do a 3d tomo mammo on me at this particular facility. The mammo says my breasts look fine. They look FINE! So yeah. More fucking breast biopsies and who knows what else.
  Then I get the report back from the Upper Endoscopy. It says I have Barretts Esophagus. That is your next step before the next step is esophageal cancer. I know I am stretching but I never wanted to be diagnosed with BE. I cannot take PPIs and other GERD meds because my past Cdiff. Screwed I am, arent I?
 My pharmacist suggested looking into Autophagy. Basically water fasting. You do not do it for long periods of time at first. Slowly over the months before you build up to longer fasts. I am supposed to eat Keto also when I am not water fasting. This is the way to try to stop the madness that is my body. Or give up and let it take over.  I am basically not going to be able to take the Methotrexate for my PA because I will probably be put on the cancer drug I talked about before. Then I will have to be put on a anti depressant because I will go into instant menopause. This is just too much shit for me to take in.

  I have put a hold on my job search for now. It is depressing that no one wants to even interview me. It was really getting to me. Plus, who knows what is going to happen after tomorrow. Biopsy results could be ugly. I dont want this. I dont want more surgery. I do not want to take a medication that will put me into menopause, make my hair fall out, and leave me being the most unsexiest thing on the planet. I do not want to have to limit foods so drastically so that I can live longer. It isn't fair. I have the most pitiful medical chart. So many illnesses. So many surgeries. So many allergies. Now, I will be in full blown menopause and I will have to lose weight while I am doing it and stay away from high carbs. That will be FUN.

  This is becoming a very sad rant post. I have held this information in for over a week. I only told two people because they are my cancer people. They have had breast cancer so I can fall back on them when I have questions. I dont want this. I dont want this. I dont want this.


I wasn't going to unload all this but when I came home from dropping her off, I got the gastro results in the mail. I am a little over the edge with all of this. I figured there are maybe 3 people and a couple bots that come on here to read my drivel. It is nothing great. Just my life diary that I have laid open for anyone to read and poke fun at if they so choose to. This is a safe place for me. I can say what I have to say and no one is going to comment...ever. I may have breast cancer. I may have another radial scar on the left that will have to be removed. What will the breast look like then? Does that raise my breast cancer risk %? Should I think about Mastectomy? Do I want to go that radical? I may have to with no choice. If that happens, do I want reconstruction or just leave it be and get a tattoo?
  Will I become an awful mean person with no hope while I am stripped of the last of my estrogen? Will my marriage survive it? If it doesn't, will I survive if that happens?  I might not want to.

Add all of this plus the daily struggles of having no money and trying to figure out how to pay for things. It is just too much for one person. Everyone says how strong I am. Sometimes I just wish I could not be. Why do I always have to so strong? When do I get permission to fall apart?

I will stop this said list of What Ifs. I may post tomorrow or the next day if I am up to it. If I do not, I will definitely post on Monday or Tuesday. Some way, I will let you all know what is going on.

Have a good week and pray for some warmer temperatures.

It is a gonna be a two coffee pod kinda day

This is Julien. Kid #1 calls him Bashir. Shout out if you get reference 

*236* <-----eating things I shouldnt it. Make it STAHP!

  It is 932am est and I have been up since 530ish am. We are in the midst of another Nor`easter here on the shore. They are saying we could get a foot of snow when it is all said and done. The snow was impressive earlier but no so much now. Unless we get some more banding going on, I think the thought of epic snowfall is a bust. We shall see.

   Again, I have missed too many weeks in a row and for that I am sorry. My past couple weeks have been very stressful. It always seems like shit storms comes in threes. I will break some of these things down, some I will not because I have to keep a little air of mystery about me. I will try to add a positive at the end of each thing because that is how I am trying to live my life. Except I have no postives to say about my computer life. First the iPad died. I cannot afford to replace it. Now I found out that this HP Stream that I bought for myself is a $200 piece of garbage. Windows 10 is too large for the gigs on this things so it has already out of memory (bought in January). I cannot update it at all. I cannot upgrade the memory because of the kind of memory it has. And you guessed it, I cannot afford to replace it. I still have the Chrome book as a back up when I can no longer use this one. No positives for this declaration at all. And we do not get refunds so a computer will not happen then. Oh well. Maybe the Apple Fairy will gift me. Probably not.

Can I get a discount card on Cat Litter?

  First up, you have probably seen the pictures of Julien on the IG feed. He has been Kid #2 and my secret this past month. This lady came into the office with her cat and the litter. The office was going to adopt one of the litter when they were ready because one of the vet cats passed away. All the girls (3 left) are very much older and they wanted to bring up a youngin while the girls were still around. Kid #2 asked me to come in and see the kittens cause they were so tiny. Julien is the runt. He had to be mine. We received him two weeks ago during the last storm. We also found out this week he contracted round worms from his mother (the whole litter did) but he had his first de-worming and he will be fine. He is a little spit fire. He leaps. He runs like the wind. Last week he weigh 1.86 lbs. He is too small to be so fearless but he is. It took about a week but everyone has adapted. I am now OFFICIALLY a crazy cat lady. I had no plan at all to get another cat. We had three. Dont need another. But it happened and we are happy. He is very lovey to everyone. He is black but he still has a bit of his fever coat. That will go away as the months go by.

 I am the IV queen

 Last week I had the upper endoscopy. Nothing impressive. No ulcers. I still have gastritis, esophagitis, and he noted my hiatal hernia. Biopsies were taken. I have not heard anything back so that tells me that all is well with that. But, the hernia is probably the reason I am having trouble swallowing. It can get it the point where it pushes up a little higher in your chest and can make you have difficulties. I am supposed to take care of my Acid reflux but I cannot take PPIs because of the Cdiff.  I will just deal with what I have gut wise. If the hernia ever gets too bad, I will have the surgery. But as for now, no no no.
  Yesterday, I had my Mammo and my boob MRI with contrast. That all went well too. Of course they cannot tell me anything. I have an appointment with the boob surgeon next week. Lets hope I hear NOTHING before that appointment. I want no phone calls about the scans. All is well and they found nothing.

 When one door closes, Another one opens

We found out that hubby`s last cleaning job was given to some other company. Nothing do with him or his performance. Just company restructuring. That left us with alot of money a month out of our budget. I lost it. Completely lost it. I remember my friend (and mechanic) said he had someone that had a cleaning company. Long story short, we will be making approximately 2/3rds back. Still money missing but not catastrophic. We can work with that and hopefully there will be more to come.
The paid internship fell through. They could not work around the rules of paying me so that fell apart. I had decided that I would never get my hopes up for a job again. Now I have a chance at maybe another paid internship with our local cable company. That is actually the first job I applied for and had not done so well on the phone interview. Not bad. Just inexperienced at it. Now I know how to do all that. The company actually does participate in internships so we shall see. They need workers. I need a job! Wish my ass luck cause I am really tired of applying for stuff.

Girl, you need to stop

Because of a bunch of stressful stuff, I have not been eating right. Bread. Noodles. Rice. Potato. Junk. Pizza! You name it, it is going down. I have to really do it now. My doctor is gonna raise my insulin at my appt in May. Now it is the middle of March and I have not lost a significant amount. I have a plan. I am going to slowly slack off from now until Saturday. Saturday I will be taking my first Methotrexate shot..did I tell you about this? let me look....I guess I havent. The rhemy changed my methotrexate from a pill to a shot so it does not effect my gut like the pill did. I had to wait till this cold was all over before I can take the first shot. So, Saturday will be the first shot and the first day back on LCHF fully. All the junk in the house will be gone/ I will have set myself up with good for me snacks and I will be ready to go. I have to lose at least 10 more pounds by the beginning of May. I will do this. I need to do this! As i eat a slice of leftover pizza for breakfast/lunch.
Crap! 49 days until May 1, 2018!

Housework sucks

  Since I am *snowbound* today, I am going to get some cleaning done. I have to change the hose on the sump pump (it sprung a few leaks). I have to water all the plants. I will do the plants after I finish up on here. They are priority. I have a few that cannot wait for Spring so that I can repot them. When you have a boisterous kitten, you realize how dusty your house is. Pulling stuff out and vacuum underneath is going to happen in the livingroom today. Has to be done. I will polish all the furniture in the there and I will be good till next week. Okay. I ate one small slice of pizza. I think I am going to throw the other two away. Not gonna eat them. Going...going...gone. I tossed it in the trash and smushed it in the trash. Not that I would ever ever never eat that now but I felt it needed that extra Fuck you for being there so that I would eat it.


Okay...it is really time for me to do some stuff. I hope all is well with you. Stay out of the snow if you can help it. And I will be back next week.

Attack of the virus

*230*

  I was germed by someone and that is the reason no post this past Sunday. I am just feeling kind of okay today. I do not know if it was the a watered down version of the flu or a nasty cold but it sucked. The weekend was a blur of dayquil, cough drops, and pee pads. I say I do not know because I didnt have a fever but I was feverish. I had aches in my legs but it only lasted for a day. I was sick as a dog but I did not feel like I was dying. That is why it could have been a watered down version because I did have the flu shot this year. Even though that has been deemed to only be about 20% effective. I have a nagging leftover cough and my bladder needs time to recover but otherwise, I am gonna be okay. The laundry will get done.

Paid Internship

  I am thisclose to having a paid internship with a very large company in my area. I am not going to say what or where at this point. It will be 3 months to start off and can go to a max of 6 months. I will be able to use it as experience and filler on my resume. I need the administrative work to help show that I know stuffs. Just give me a chance! If they like me and vice versa AND they have a job to fill, I could be hired at some point. The wheels are rolling with this so it could be very soon. I also have another job that is very exciting and that is being reviewed. I have not had an interview for it yet but I will be positive. I had contact with the HR department already for that one. I am not putting all my hopes on it but it would be good if this one were to happen also. So I have balls in the air. Who would have ever thought when I started this blog that I would be close to going back in the working world? I wouldnt have. I try not to obsessively look at my email. It is like I am WILLING them to email me back with a time to come in for an interview. Come to me. Come to me. You want me to work for you!

No Boobs for You

  Because of this wretched ick that has befallen me, I had to cancel my boob MRI and Mammo. Plus I had to move my appointment with the boob surgeon so that it is after my scans. That will all happen in March now. I am also going to be able to get my upper endoscopy after all. The gastro is having someone else in her practice do it on a Monday so that Hubs can take me. My gut has felt better since I stopped taking the Methotrexate pills. I saw the Rheumy this week and he has switched me to injections instead. I will give myself a shot once a week. He says that it bypasses the gut so I wont have to worry about that being an issue. It was working so well for me too. Now all my patches have come back and brought friends with them. The pains I was feeling before are back also. I hope the shots do not give me any issues because I really want this to work.

Gotta Make Money, Honey

 I really really really need to get on the selling train. I have been so lazy about it. I have boxes of shit to put on Etsy and I have not even moved a muscle towards doing it. This past week has been a wash out because I have been sick, but that does not explain the past few months. I have literally have tons of shit to sell. I need the motivation. I know money is a motivation but that doesn't seem to be enough to force me to do it. I gotta DO it so these totes can stop staring at me. There are totes full of stuff right behind me. They are there because I have to photograph, post, and put them in a place for when they sell. I need to get boxes and bags and bubble wrap. Give me the motivation to get this started!! I know once I do it, I will continue to do it. I am one of those kind of people. You have to push me off the cliff and then I will fly. 
  I have a big dilemma. It has come time to pay for my garden beds at the community garden. I do not want to be there anymore. I do not like the way it is being run and last year all of our beds were taken over by ants that like to bite. We are not allowed to use chemicals and the people that run the place did not help us at all. I think that is why our peppers did not flourish at all like they have before. There is alot of weird stuff going on at the garden that I am not going to go into. Lets just say that the person running it is an asshole elitist and we will leave it like that. So my dilemma is there is a guy that is selling 4 foot, 100 gallon galvanized steel animal feeders for $50 a piece (or best offer) and I could get four of these and put them in the front yard. Fill them with compost and not have to do the community garden thing anymore. But even at $50 a piece...that is $200. I want to get four of them while he has them because of their small size and when am I going to get an opportunity like this again?
 But I am not supposed to be spending money. What would you do? Ugh! I told him I didn't get paid till the end of the month so we shall see what I do. I will either do it or not do it.

RIP iPad

 My iPad is dead. Okay, not completely dead but she is having issues with the screen. It started acting up a month ago. Yesterday it finally went. I could get the screen up long enough to email myself all the pictures I had saved on it. It is a iPad mini and I won it in a contest. I have had it for five years. It almost never left the house and I used it ever night when I went to bed. I miss it. The screen was big enough to watch videos but small enough that it was not cumbersome. It helped me so much when I was sick or healing. I will not replace it with a android one. NO. I went on the Apple website, I saw this one and I am in love but the price. After taxes, apple care, and such...it is $527. I know I could buy it someplace else but I like the protection you get when you buy it at Apple. Plus I can get a free engraving on it. I was going to call it Heidi`s Toy. 
 It is okay. Maybe if I get one of these jobs, I can save up for it. That gives me a little hope that I will eventually have one again.

That is it for today. I have breakfast/lunch cooking and then I am going to dive into some laundry and recipes. I have been slowly pecking away at the mess in the kitchen. I was literally in bed for three straight days. So maybe it was the flu. I hope you all are not having the flu or a cold. Enjoy the last grasps of Winter. March is coming and I am dreaming of Spring.

Busy life always

*233*


    If you are reading this before Valentines Day 2018, get thee to the local Rite Aid (if you have one). They have a long white box of Russel Stover Chocolates (1lb 10oz) for only $9.99. That is like two chocolate hearts in one! We always have a box of chocolate for the family. I almost wasnt going to buy it this year but then my traditional heart won out. So I ate chocolate and I spent money. I think I have a major soft spot for V day because Kid #1`s birthday is right afterward. We will be celebrating her day on Friday this year because she has plans on her actual day. I really need to get off my ass and look up a vegan cheesecake recipe. (writing down to add to my list.

Health Schmealth
  I was just off the phone with the hospital. They were asking me the barrage of bodily questions for my boob MRI next Monday. Do you have metal in your body? No. Do you have a pace maker? No. Etc etc. This is my 6 month scan. I have to do blood work this week for it because they will be doing an IV contrast. Can you all do me a favor? Can you send out good vibes for me? I am going to be having an MRI and a Mammo done on the same day. Let`s hope the find NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. My boobs just disappeared. I stopped taking the Methotrexate. The stomach pain which I think was an impending ulceration has subsided. It is still there but much much less. I think if I continued to take it, I would have had to take medication to treat it. I had to cancel my upper endoscopy. Hubby does not have PTO like he used to and we cannot afford to have him lose a day of work. I do not have anyone else to drive me (they all have to work every day too) and the place where I was going to have it done is way too far away to take an Uber. Yes, money over health. I never had to do that before. But I can not have that hit to the budget.  I am feeling better. But now the psoriasis and the back pain are creeping back. I wonder if I will be able to take anything at all.  We shall see.

Good job vibes

  Last Friday, I went to an early morning meeting at the local Easter Seals. It was a Business Advisory Committee meeting. I was the only job seeker (the other person cancelled). It was a meeting of sorts that had nothing to do with me at first. It was made up of my job counselor , her boss, and three women who work in HR in different companies. I was given good advice about my resume. And I was given an opportunity. I was offered to work for a large company that has a local headquarters. It would be a paid internship. I would get paid through Bureau of Rehab and the company would teach me all that I need to know about admin work. They would get an extra set of hands that they would not have to pay for. It would be full time and the internship will last for 6 months. There is no guarantee of being hired unless there is an opening and they want you. But the work can go on my resume and I will learn shit. And I can say that I really know this shit. This is exciting. I should know more this week.
 Yesterday, I sat with my coffee and re-did my resume. The issue with mine was that it was a skills based resume. There were no dates. They all said that they do not pay attention to those types of resumes. I told them that it has been 15 years since I officially worked. I figured most places would look at that and hire someone younger. Oh, they all said NO in unison. They would rather hire someone older because of the stability and drama free. They all agreed that my past years of volunteering should go to the top of my resume, job experience after. That is what I did. I sent it off to my job person so she can tweek it. There were some Word stuff that I could not figure out even after I googled them. Like how do you make a half space? I did what Google told me to do and it cut the words in half instead. It will take me some time to figure that kind of shit out.

Rain Rain Go Away

   I should be thankful it is just rain and not snow. I am completely dressed to take a walk. Sneakers are on. I was ready to go. Then the rain started. It is a sprinkle but I do not want to chance it. All I need to do is go out in that and make myself susceptible to the effin Flu. Accuweather SAYS the sun is supposed to come out. So far, I see no sun. I see clouds, dreary, and rain drops on the patio. Kid #2 and I took at walk at the beach last week. It was good. My stomach didn't protest too much. This past week has been so busy that I havent had time to think of the aches and pains. I helped her declutter her room. She was feeling low and it showed in her housekeeping. A cleaner bedroom always helps to lift your spirits a little bit.  Then I bottled up our first successful batch of Kombucha. We were gifted with one baby each from the two mothers. I have to start a new batch today for fermenting. It will get to the point where I will have to start giving scobys (that is what you call the Mother) away. Either that or throw them away. Someone suggesting composting. <---more on that later.  Mondays are always kind of busy for me. Lately I could probably say that about every day. I always wish for a lazy day but that day never comes. I guess I probably had enough lazy being so sick for all those years that my head had decided I am making up for time. Granted, I am not a healthy person by any means. I know that. I am not trying to fool myself. But I am better then I used to be. I have gained more energy with my years. I am taking full advantage until it is snatched away from me later on in life.  So I have dishes soaking in the sink and it looks like the rain has stopped. I will take that walk after this and do some much needed housework. Always much needed when I  tend to be the only one that does it.

City Garbage Stinks

  Our mayor has decided that when grant money is waved in front of his nose, he needs to use it. He is proposing a pay per bag system for our city. 60 cents per kitchen sized bag and $1 per big ass bag. They think that people will recycle more because of this. Ummm. No. This is a city. Small but a city nonetheless. There will be trash dumped everywhere. We will have rats and stink as far as the eye can see. There are people in this city that cannot even be bothered to get their drivers license and insurance. What makes them think people will recycle if they never have? Or people who are living in utter poverty..They are not going to spend $20 for a box of garbage bags. And of course, our taxes are not going to go down at all. This is like double taxation if you ask me.
 I recycle like a Motherfucker. Most people have one of those square recycle boxes. I have four. The garbage guys gifted me that many cause they know that I am a recycle queen. But even with all that recycling, we still have a full garbage bin every week. If I had to pay $1 a bag...that could be $3 a week. Sometimes more during the holiday season. I do not want to spend that on garbage bags. I have always toyed with the idea of composting. Buying one of those things that you spin to compost. I never bought one because I never figured I would need it. Yeah. I think we need it. You see, this is not just a proposal. They have the grant money and they aim to spend it. So this is going to happen. They do not care what any of the residents think. They will not put it up for a vote. They will say it is so and there is nothing we can do about it. 
  I would want to get one of these small gallon compost bins for the counter in the kitchen. I have a friend that uses one.  Then I want one of the tumbler bins. You can spin it to mix the compost. Something like this or maybe this. But I will shop around. I know nothing of these things so I really have to do my research. I know that I could just make a pile in the yard for free but I do not want to deal with raccoons and pissing off the neighbors from the stink. This is a better solution for me. Maybe I will find one that someone is giving away on Craiglist.


 That is it for this week. The dog is bugging me to go out and I should really get that walk in while the dishes are soaking. I hope you have a great week and do not eat too much chocolate!! (I am saying that to myself!)

Living that plant life

*233*

     Last week, I purchased foil dryer vent tubing to replace the old shit we had downstairs. Whilst I was working on getting that attached, I realized that when the new furnace was put in...there is no room for the dryer and washer to leave when they die! We are going to have to break through the wall behind it and reconfigure shit. Not that bad since all the stuff is right there just have to turn shit around. But still. Fuckers! Plus, I was not successful getting the hosing attached because I am too short for the vent window and I am a quitter. Hubs attached everything for me, thank goodness.
 I did not need all that was bought so I returned said things back to Home Depot. That is when I spied this little girl (i just watered her.) She is a grafted Ruby Ball cactus. I paid $4.95 for her. I have done very well with cacti and some succulents so this is a good plant to add to the menagerie.

I do not like my new Gastro

   I said I was not going to talk about health so this will be brief. I am dealing with some gut issues. I saw the gastro yesterday (I miss my old gastro mucho) and after some talk it was decided that she is going to do an upper endoscopy on me on the 16th. Yay! I get to wait with 11 more days of pain and wonder. To be perfectly honest, I think I need a colonoscopy. It is a colon issue most definitely but she is the one with the degree. That sounds snarky, yes? See. The gastro that retired (she took over his office), he had been around for all my gut issues so when I would show up sick and in pain..he listened and he did what had to be done. This feels like I may end up in the ER at some point because she chooses to use the soft approach to things. I am going to probably have to look for another stomach dr at some point. We shall see. She actually asked me if I was depressed. Yes bitch, I have depression but I am not going to tell you that because you will not treat me. You will tell me to see my therapist for *warning! gross* pencil thin stools. Google pencil thin stools with stomach pain, gas, bloating, and nausea. I am thinking it is probably a polyp that has gotten large and needs to be taken out. But we will do an upper endoscopy cause she wants to look at my stomach. <---this is all the reason why I did not post yesterday. Kinda livid after that appointment

 Okay, enough of that. Food is a better subject

  No new pressure cooker yet but I did some research and I will probably be getting an Instant Pot this time. My gifter was waiting to get the money back from Amazon before she ordered me a new one. I have been dying to cook in it. Dying. Like I have no idea what I am going to cook today. I have to cook on the stove or in the oven. I would rather throw shit in the pot and forget it. I will not talk about that or the recipes that I want to try until I get my new one.  As for cooking, I am planning on making some chocolate covered coconut bon bons for Valentines day. I am also going to look up how to make like chocolate truffles cause Kid #2 does not like coconut. This and This link of recipes look good. I will do some more searching to find the right one.  Kid #1s birthday is coming up soon and I have to plan for that too. She does not eat cheese and limited dairy. We were thinking I could make a vegan cheese cake. I really need to sit down and look through our raw cookbooks. We have a couple of Ani Phyo`s cookbooks. They are good to have on hand when you are in the mood for a nice fresh meal. We have Ani`s Raw Food Kitchen and Ani`s Raw Food Essentials. I might cook dinner for her birthday also but I need to discuss with her what she would like to have.  Money is not what it used to be plus we are in the thick of snow season. Best to have a nice in home back up plan just in case of blizzard.

Walking for yer health

  I admit that I have not walked for a week but I will give you my valid reasons. I wanted to but my body said no. First it was because of the methotrexate, I think. I was having some major nerve pain in my foot, leg, and hip all last week. Like the kind that feels like cattle prod shocks. I was thinking I busted a cervical because I was having shocks in my arms too. Then I noticed I had pins and needles in my face. I realized that it was the dang pill. My psoriasis is disappearing but I adopted some gnarly pain instead. I am not really noticing any of my joint or back pain getting better but I digress. The weird nerve pain has subsided so I think it is just a side effect of the pill.  I did not take the pill yesterday because of my gut issues. I was told to stop it whenever I am sick.  So between the shocks and my gut, walking is not on my immediate horizon. I will try again in a couple days. Even if I can get a mile in, that will be better then nothing at all. Right? Like right now, My head feels like she wants to take a walk. But my gut is like *Bitch, you know better*.  I am still losing weight so I am moving in the right direction.

Bits and bobs

The stone mason is outside fixing a crumbling step as I type. It cost $50 so far. I wonder how much he is going to come at me for the rest. It best not be more then $100 or I will lose my shit.
 I have a dress and a shirt to do some sewing too.
I have a job interview for a job I probably do not want on Thursday. I will probably just go for the interview for the experience. I have a couple jobs that I have applied for floating out there that I really want. I think this one was one that my job coach applied for me in the beginning of our search. It is part time. I am looking for 32 hours or more. Working for 10 hours a week is a waste of my time when I need money. If I already had a job and this was a nice little filler job, that is different. I am not feeling it at all but I will show up and interview because they will be interviewing a bunch of people that day. Good interviewing learning experience
The kitchen is a disaster. When is it not? So I have to pick my ass up, take my medicine, and start dealing with that shit.

 I am sorry this mostly a negative post but my gut is sick. I am not in a good place to spread positivity. I mean, the cactus is positive. You can just read that paragraph over and over. :)
 I hope you have a great week. I hope we do not get a buttload of snow (maybe a little tomorrow) and I hope that I can get out there and walk!

Ta Ta for Now!


 

Boobs a-hoy

*233* <---so says the scale at the oncology dept and the vet scale (yes) at the kid`s job

  We will see how long this post will be. I just took my week Methotrexate for the PA and it can give you diarrhea and tummy upset. For me, it lasts about an hour or so. Not an all day affair. But every week can be a different saga. I am going to type and eat my antipasto salad while I wait for the pills to work their way through my gastrointestinals.

  The oncology appointment went well. She thinks my breast pain is hormonal. She did feel the ridge in my breast that was not there before. Probably just more denseness. But I am going to be having a MRI and Mammo of my boobs in February so if there is anything, they will see it and we will work accordingly. From here on out, I will have to be vigilant with my boobage. It sucks but it is a part of many women`s lives. I see the boob surgeon in February also. We will have a good round out of talking about my past surgery and how I am doing.

  So, my pressure cooker shit the bed. Something happened to the steam release button on the lid and it would not get up to pressure. Since my friend bought it on Amazon, it had to be returned back to Amazon. I do not know if I am getting another one. I am not asking about it. If I get one, I do. If I do not, it was fun while it lasted. That means no new recipes to share this week. But if you have a pressure cooker and would like to do some Indian Cooking, try this place called Two Sleevers. Tried and true recipes that are really goooooood. You will never need to go to an Indian restaurant again because you can make it all at home. You just have to acquire all the spices. Which shouldnt be so hard for  many of us. You either have an Indian grocery store (which I have) or you can shop online for what you need. 

  I am starting to feel the pill giving me an issue but so far, so good.

  I have been walking almost every day. There has been a bit of rain here in the Northeast so on those days I did not walk. With the flu season in full swing, I do not want to invite something I do not need. I did have a flu shot but you never know. I will walk later today after the pill has moved out of my system. One of my goals is to conquer our hill. Very steep hill in my neighborhood. My goal is to walk to the bottom, walk to the top, walk to the bottom, walk to the top until I do not feel like I may pass out.  Not really that hard but I want to utilize the hill for what it can give my stomach, hips, legs, and butt. Who needs to pay for a gym when you live in hilly New England?

  I had a job phone interview on Friday. It went well. The person said they will be calling people end of this week to set up in person interviews. I am staying positive and I am not going to be negative. But I am also being realistic. There are alot of people out there looking for work, especially office work. I just keep plugging along with my resumes and cover letters. One day something good will stick. My job is out there. I am going to a Business Advisory Council in February. Hopefully the people that will be there from HR departments will have some ideas on what I should do and whether they know of any places doing internships. I have to utilize all the tricks in my bag to try to land a job.

  I have a mega mess in the kitchen to clean. I am in my leggings, t-shirt, and sneakers. Dressed for walking but going to battle the dirty dishes. Today is Hubs birthday and I am going to try to cook something. We had dinner out last night but tonight is all about being inside and maybe playing a board game.

That is it. Pill is kicking in. If anything pops up, I will post again this week. If not, see you on Monday.


 
 

May 1, 2018

*238*


     103 days from today till May 1, 2018.

   That is how much time I have to lose at least 10lbs and lower my A1c to a normal level. I had been lollygagging about this for two months. I shake my head at myself. Yes, this is an unscheduled blog post. I had to talk about it to you to just get it out there in the universe.

  Since December, I did lose the 10lbs that I gained but I need to lose at LEAST 10lbs more. I will tell you why.  When I saw my Endo last time in December, we discussed how I had to change my eating seriously because of all the autoimmune stuff going on. He gave me till my next appointment to lose at least 10lbs and show a vast improvement in my blood sugars. He wants to be shocked. He even noted it in my file. If I did not show any improvement, I would have to agree to raising my insulin levels. Now. If anyone has been paying attention, if I raise my insulin levels, I will gain more weight for sure. At that appointment, I weight 250 something. Right now I weigh 236-237-238. I have lost 10lbs but my A1c will show I have still be eating shittily. Why am I talking about this now? I looked on the calendar yesterday and saw that I had my appt with him on February 12! That is not enough time to change more. So I called to change it. Unfortunately, they are a very popular office. They said I would have to wait till May 1st for my next appointment. I jumped at it! I am just prolonging my 3 month diabetes check. I go to them religiously. So for me to extend it beyond this time, is not a bad thing. If anything came up between now and then, they would bring me in on a sick check.

  This is my declaration to myself.  Girl, you need to do all that have learned. Now is the time. Get off your ass and DO IT!

1 Walk every morning with a few exceptions. Temps in the single digits, icy or snowing, big rain storms, and temps above 85 and humidity. The last ones I can walk at the Mall.

2. Eat 20g or less of carbohydrates a day. Eat high fat and moderate protein.

3. Take your supplements. All of them. Not just the Vit D and B-12.

4. Drink more water.

5. If I am hungry, eat more fat.

6. Stick with it. You quit smoking for Christ`s Sake. You can quit carbs and sugar!

I am also going to follow the Histamine protocol for my autoimmunes but I am not going to stress myself over it. I already know that wheat is a major issue. Since I have basically cut it out of my life except for a couple slips..my psoriasis has been clearing up.

Now. You may have seen the picture in my IG with me holding Keiko. I am able to wear a size 16 very well. Some of them are actually too loose. But I am not ready for size 14 yet. But I still look like a fatty mcbutter pants. That is because I am 5`4'. I am supposed to be in the lower 100s. We all know that will probably never happen. Plus, I would suffer greatly with all the excess skin. But I am not going to think about that right now.
I need to walk in the mornings because right now, that is where my energy lies. That window has passed today. The weather for tomorrow is mostly sunny the high will be 35 deg F but it will be colder in the morning. That is okay weather. Tomorrow I am going to put on my leggings and my sneakers and I am going to walk to 2 miles up the hill and around.

  I am going to be dealing with mega Keto Flu. We have Christmas chocolate that was bought at 75% off. I have to use all my resolve in life to stay away. STAY AWAY! I can do this. See, the more fat adapted you become, the less you want all that stuff you stopped eating. I just have to get over that hump....again.

  Time to get moving. I have to drive people places because I am the family chauffeur. and I have to decide what is for dinner. Something in the Gowise pot for sure. Just do not know what yet.  Have a good rest of your week and I will be back!

MLK Day doings and goings

*236* <---weighed on scale at Vet office. 


   I do not know how long this post will be cause I am in some amount of pain this morning and sitting still is not an option. I blame it on over doing it this weekend and the weather. This too shall pass. Look at me! Three weeks in a row. I am getting some kind of blogger momentum going, huh?  I and the man have to leave here in a few so I will be semi brief..maybe. We shall see how fast my fingers can fly.

  I wanted to first share a recipe with you. Last night, Kid #2 made Indian Butter Chicken in the pressure cooker. I went to the co-op to get garam masala because we did not have any more.  OMG this was soooooo good. She used coconut milk instead of regular milk. There was the butter in there but it was not enough to hurt my stomach. I had this nestled over a bed of salad. Now, this is a Instant Pot/Pressure cooker recipe. But I bet you that you can figure out how to make it if you do not have a pressure cooker. If you like Indian food, this is one is a keeper. This website shows all types of Indian recipes. I think I may have to make a trip across the bridge to replenish our spice stocks at the local Raj cash and carry.  Soooo gooooddddd!

I said so good twice so that means something.

  The job hunt for me has been slow and not so slow. I have been putting in my cover letters and resumes to many many job listings. My job counselor has been doing the same. I have not heard a peep from any of them. She told me that this time of year is hard to get a job. And when jobs come up, hundreds of people apply. I guess I have to be patient. But it is hard. I know I am doing everything correct. I am working on my skills at home with the internets help. Just have to be patient and send out those positive vibes I guess. I just want a little office job. I just want someone to give this old lady a chance.

   I had a long conversation with some people in the AIP community. I found a place that is actually nice and helpful. I was told that I might have histamine intolerance. This might be the answer to my itching. And alot of my other issues. Even my low blood pressure. It was like a lightbulb clicked on in my head. Eureka! I have found my answer to my problems. It is a really sucky outcome but I can work with it if it is going to make me feel better. They said that when I take a zyrtec, and it helps, that is histamine. It is in the foods that I eat. Now I cannot possibly do Keto, AIP, and Histamine protocol. That would be ridiculous. I can eat low carb and work on the eating lower histamine foods. You treat all the histamine foods like you do with the AIP diet. You eliminate them all, you wait a couple weeks, and you reintroduce them one at a time. The ones that give you a reaction are out, the rest can stay back in.  I have to type something up and print it out so that I can stick it on the fridge. There are alot of no no foods for me at this time. But I am tired of feeling like shit all the time.

  I have not been completely keto either. I dont feel like a failure about it though. I just have to try every day to get it right. Yesterday was actually pretty good. Except for the 4 hershey kisses that I ate in the evening. When you have three other adults in the house, you cannot really dictate what foods come in. I am not a dictator. I just have to not eat those things. What I need to do is eat more fat during the day. Then I wont be apt to fuck up in the evening time. Today is a clean slate.

  Okay. I think that is all I can do for now. I have been sneezing up a storm the whole time I have been typing this. I hope to GAWD that coffee isnt a histamine food.....*looking*..... I do not see coffee on this list or the last three I scanned. Probably something else.  I heard that dealing with HI is a major pain in the ass and it is a life long struggle.
Again...I need to get going over here. I hope you all have a lovely and productive week. I am going to do some more sorting of the ebay pile behind me. We are up for some snow either Tuesday or Wednesday. Hopefully it is not alot because that foot of snow we had is all gone now from the warm up last week.
I will see you next Monday.

Praise! It is 30 deg F!

*230-something* <---i have not stepped on a scale in a week or two so I really do not know. 


      We survived the Bombogenesis. Our little neck of CT received a generously heaping spoonful of snow. It was about a foot with nice snow drifts. The temps have been rock bottom too. Not been fun for my skin, I can tell you right now. I have been coconut oiling myself every day to combat the psoriasis and the old lady crepe from the heat being on constantly. Today is going to be in the 30s and by the middle of the week it will be close to 50. Be gone you evil snow.

   Today I have stuffs to do but I feel a little shitty so I will be going slowly while doing them. I think my head is a little fucked because of the barometer and we are supposed to get a little snow this evening. So if I can get out of my pjs, that will be a major accomplishment. One of the things we have to do today is our DNA. Hubs and I have two 23andme DNA kits aka the government has got your ass now kits. You have to not drink or eat anything for 30 minutes and then you spit in the tube and send them off. We get to see where we came from. I have always known that I am Polish, Italian, Swedish, and Norwegian. Now could my Polish grandmother have had some Jewish ancestry that we do not know about? I guess I will find that out in a few weeks. The girls at first were a little miffed because they did not get kits. Why should you both get kits when you have the same DNA? We, as your parents, can do it and you will get the same answer. *eye roll* I will share those results when they come in.

  My lofty plans of walking have been curtailed by the weather. My plan is to get out there tomorrow morning if it is not icy from the storm and I feel okay in the head. I have been fairly active the past few months so it isnt that I have to start slow or anything. I just did not want to freeze my tookas off. See, I could go to the Mall to walk but then I end up shopping instead. I could get a gym membership but you all remember how I paid for two years and never went once. Walking the hills of my neighborhood is the safer bet for me. My house is way too small for any exercise equipment. We tried when we bought a cheapo elliptical at Salvation Army. It worked great and it was a folding one. That shit sat in the corner. Got unfolded a couple times. Sat next to the tv set, mocking me because I never used it or even dusted it.  I have a couple walking routes that I have used in the past. I just have to get dressed and do it.

  Yo. The pressure cooker is the best thing ever. Myself and #2 have made about 6-7 meals in it so far since Christmas. I went out to Target and bought a rack to put it on. It has it`s own area by the kitchen window with it`s own plug. No need to move it off and on the counters. We have very limited counter space. We have a galley kitchen. Only room for 1-2 butts at a time. Anyway...the pressure cooker is really good. I made fork tender pulled pork in 1 hour and 30 minutes. What! And it tasted like it was cooking for hours. We cooked chili, a few soups, pulled pork, a chicken dish, hamburger dish, and all were good. You can find many recipes online for using the electric pressure cooker. I still say, if you do not have one..beg borrow or plead to get one.

   I had a revelation last week after posting here. I am not doing AIP and Keto. When I try to eat that way, I do not eat at all. I practically starving and I am not being literal. It is so hard to keep your blood sugars low but also stick to the strict Auto immune way of eating. You just cannot do it. Unless you have unlimited grocery resources and/or you have someone to cook for you. I just couldnt do it.  I have decided and started to eat keto but I am not going to eat certain foods like nuts and peanuts. I will eliminate all nightshades except tomatoes because they are life. And I am going to eat limited dairy. Sometimes I need it in a pinch if I am hungry but I will not seek it out and especially in large amounts. Back on track. Keto for me is the smart solution to alot of my medical problems.

  I had a birthday. Saturday I turned 49 years old. It was a good day. Of course it was not keto complaint but that was my last food thing until October comes around again. Hoping I am thin as a reed and have a stronger constitution by the time it is Halloween. We have a couple more birthdays coming up but I can say no to cake. I had my slice...okay two slices. It was Red Velvet and I was not gonna say no. Someone that is way young was shocked when he saw my FB post about turning 49. He said WTF! I thought you were 32!
He either does not know how to determine someones age or he needs a new eyeglass prescription. But I will take the compliment as the best present ever.

  Okay. I need to get going. I have to be a taxi today and I have to get out of this feeling like crap mode. I hope you have a wonderful week and I will see you on the next.

A new year to conquer

*237* <----I gained but I got it back down to this

  I have a feeling you have all disappeared because of my blogging hiatus. I really wasnt planning on coming back at all. Life got away from me and this was not something I had time for. I mean, theoretically, if I did want to do it, I would find time to. But I just did not. If you had been waiting for me to come back, I am sorry.

    You still know I am alive because my IG is attached and you can see my postings. You can also see that Keiko is a BIG girl. She is my sweet little muffin baby. She is not nice to everyone else but me. And that is how it should be. We lost Perla last month (the chihuahua). Vet thinks it was an bad intestinal infection. It came on quickly and took her without her having to go through any trauma going to the vet. Ruby is the lone dog now. We have put her on a diet and she is liking her single status. But we make sure not to say Perla`s name. She looks around for her if we do.

  About 2 months ago, I started a new way of eating challenge. Because of my diagnosis of Psoriatic Arthritis, I wanted to try not to take any strong medications for it. I was given the idea that I should eat AIP (autoimmune protocol) and Keto (because of my blood sugars). These two styles of eating for health come together as a very harsh harsh way of eating. HARSH! I had fallen off the keto wagon and gained about 20lbs. It was all stress related to health stuff. It was time and with a good talking to, I embarked into the AIP/KETO. I did not fully immerse myself into fat, and I was hungry all the time. I decided to give myself the Christmas holidays to indulge (but not over indulge) and pick back up on it for January. And here I am. AIP?KETO consists of avoiding grains, gluten, nightshades, nuts, seeds, bad for you oils, all fruits but berries occasionally, dairy, eggs, rice, high carb veggies, coffee, and sugar. I have been drinking tea in place of coffee and it has been okay. I have a nice strong English Breakfast that gives me the caffeine I need to get through life. 

  I do not want to get into my health woes anymore. If it is something serious, I will mention it but otherwise, I am gonna keep it to myself. That is probably why I have no followers because it reads like a pity party. It isn't but some may perceive it that way. I do want to mention a couple things. I had a architectural distortion removed from my breast, it was not cancer. I did BRCA 1 and 2 genetic testing and it came back negative. I could still be positive though. It is weird how that stuff is but the girls are safe. I was supposed to start taking a cancer drug this month but I decided against it. The side effects were too much for me to want to have to deal with. I will be having a MRI and Mammo on my breasts every six months to make sure there is no more growths. My gut is good and bad. Because of my change in eating, I have healed alot of my ulcerations and I am in good status with my colitis. I did find out from the new gastro that I am celiac. It explains alot.

  Right now, at this point in my life, I am doing okay. My birthday is on Satuday. The big 49. The last of the 40s. I will miss them when they are gone. As for the new year, no resolutions but just realizations. I have to stay with AIP until all my symptoms are gone. Then I slowly re-introduce foods on the no list. Some I will be able to add back, some I will never be able to eat again. Wheat and all gluten of course. I will stick with that modified AIP and Keto for as long as I am allowed to. I want to really start walking. It is way too bitterly cold here in the Northeast but when it gets back up to the 30s, I am out there. I have the sneakers. I have the socks. I have the clothes to get the job done. It will be better for my arthritis anyway if I stop being so stagnant and move my ligaments and joints. So walking and eating for health are #1 and #2 on my life realizations.

    Clutter has gotta go. I have been saying this for years but now I mean it. I want to get rid of anything that is just not worthy of this tiny space we have in this house. I have been tossing stuff that is garbage, donating , and selling since the Fall. Now I need to step up my game. I have books to donate, treasures to sell, and clothes to purge. If I have never used it, it has to go. I tend to hold onto some things because of nostalgia or it is old and I must own it. But I think I am done with all that. I want to make run for other things. Crap that is collecting dust and has no purpose for us can leave this house and give someone else a purpose.  DeCluttering in 2018 is #3.

  Money. Money has really been difficult this past year. I have been working with a state agency to get help with getting a job. I really want to try to do it. I am at the stage now where I am very close. I had two really good job interviews. I did not get the jobs but it is good practice. Now that the holidays are over, we are flooding my resumes out there in the ethers and hoping someone wants to give this old smart girl a chance.  I have always said, I need to budget. I need to save money. Blah blah blah. And then I do not do it. Once I wanted to try a no spend year. Nope. Then I tried No Spend Months. Nope, could even do that. I have a new attitude about it now. I aint spending any money. I have bills that need to be paid and paid off. I want to not stress about tax time. I want to have a nice job with some little part time job on the side. Make a good amount of money, be out in the world with people, and just enjoy that part of life that I have missed for the past 16 years. Have a healthy relationship with Money is #4.

  That is it. I have four goals for my life right there. I hope to at least accomplish them all. LMAO. I am realistic. But I have been thinking about this stuff since way before the holidays. I may fail at them all but I am going to try and we shall see how it goes.

If anyone is still out there, I am going to try to blog once every Monday. I will put it in my calendar to remind my forgetful ass.  I guess I could say Blogging my shit would be #5 on that list of life affirming junk.

Toodles. :)