Fat Tuesday Gorgefest. Not Really

*228* <---I lost 3 lbs so far!

  The sad assed eat-a-thon is over for me. I am going to use Lent (and today and yesterday) as my jumping off point back into full keto. I even made a declaration on IG. I want to see if I can lose another 50lbs by October. That is how much I lost the first go around. I lost my way but I am back on track. I am not looking at it as a failure if I do not lose another 50lbs by the Fall, but I have had better lost something. At least 20-30lbs! I have goals!

Yesterday I went to the pharmacy to fix the mess that is our insurance. I talked to the pharmacist about my gut issues. I bought a bottle of pancreatic enyzmes to help aid in my digestion because I do not have a gallbladder. You take a pill with meals. We shall see. I just started it today. He also bestowed the virtues of peppermint oil. If you ingest small amounts (i dip a toothpick in the bottle and stir it in my coffee) it helps with spasms, gerd, ibs, and contractions of my colon. I started it yesterday so I cannot say anything yet but I will come back to it at a latter date to give a full report. It helps with alot of things especially appetite suppression. Supposedly if you take a few sniffs or put a dot under your nose, it helps you from being hungry or gorgy. I will definitely need that in the coming weeks cause that is why I have failed to get back on the wagon with Keto.

 We have insurance until the end of April. It has been a bit of a hassle getting stuff kick started but Hubs talked to somebody yesterday, I sent out a check (we pay what he paid as employee) and it will be turned on soon. This is why I am thankful that we cashed in the money. If we had not, we would be up shits creek. I have made some appointments coming up for mid March. I still have to have the MRI on my neck to make sure if all is ok. Part of me just doesnt want to know. I wont have real insurance to have it taken care of so why bother. Hospitals and Doctors treat you differently when you are on State Medical. This is another reason why we are going to get back to eating keto and losing more weight. The weight loss will help with the health aspect and keep us out of the doctors office.

     We have not had stuff done around the house yet. I want to hold off at first. We are going to have Venus in retrograde for the first 2 weeks of March and it is NOT a good time to have work done or make major purchases.  This I just learned and I am going to follow that advice. We have a few things that we want to do around the house that are necessary like fix the fascia around the border, find out about new gutters, get the house painted in the Fall, etc. And I dont want anything to happen to fuck that up. Waiting a couple weeks wont be a tragedy. I already talked to a friend about the garden beds in front of the house. She is gonna crunch some numbers. I do not want to spend alot but I am not gonna be cheap either. Mid range is the way to go. If they are up before the summer, I will be happy!

  I did not hear from the place that I put in my resume. But I went in to pay the bill yesterday. The lady at the front told me the hiring manager is on vacation and will be back next week. That is why there was no call! She said that when they are hiring, they like to have both the manager and the supervisor in on the interview. Her face told me not to worry, I would get a call. Oh my word, how am I going to deal with two people asking me questions?? I am going to have to just be cool, be myself, it is okay, and ask my higher power to help me with this aspect of my life. I need this. I feel it is a perfect fit for me. I have done it before. I am healthier now then I was back then. I can contribute to our lives with medical benefits. The money is not great but it will get better with time.

   Today is Fat Tuesday. It is the last day to gorge yourself before the 40 days of Lent march on until Easter. I am a Catholic by trade so I know these things. I guess eat sugar free Twizzlers for dessert last night would be considered a bit of a gorge? I dont know. Hubby and I made THE best keto stuffed peppers. I dont even have a website recipe. We just made it up.

Heidi`s Keto Stuffed Bell Peppers
-Four Red Bell Peppers, tops cut off, dig out the seeds. You are going to want to steam them for about 10 minutes to get them a bit soft but not too soft. Stand them up in small baking dish.
-One and half cups of riced cauliflower. You can get this in the produce section. It has a steam bag for the microwave.
-Half a yellow onion, minced and sauteed
-3 cloves of garlic, minced and sauteed
-1 package of Hatfield loose Italian pork sausage and 1 package of Hatfield loose chorizo sausage, sauteed till brown
-Pasta sauce of your choice, either home made or from the jar.
 Mix the meat, riced cauliflower, cup of sauce, onions, garlic, salt, black pepper, basil, and garlic powder. Fill each pepper with the mixture. Top with Mozzarella cheese. Pour remainder of the sauce in the bottom of the baking dish. Cook in a 350 deg F oven for 30 minutes. We went to 45 because we like it to have a little brown on the cheese.
I do not have nutritional information cause I just made this up but if you wanted to know, you could look up the ingredients on MyFitnessPal. This dish makes four servings. It was really good. I was saying Yumm as I ate it. That will be made again.

  Oh! I bought myself a pair of sneakers! Real Nike Sneakers. I tried them on and I like them. They are hard soled but have squishing bottoms. You feel like you are walking on air. Since Meteorological Spring is here tomorrow, my ass it going to start walking again. Up the street, around, and down the street. Gotta take care of the ass jiggles. My legs are so cottage cheesy from losing weight. I know that it wont all go away because of my lack of collagen but I could try to tone a little bit. I also know that moving my booty will help with the arthritis in my hips and back. It is not bad yet but if I do not move my ass, it will be.

That is about it. There is nothing spectacular going on this week really. Just paperwork and ideas of things to come. As it gets warmer, I will have better stuff to show and talk about. I hope you all have a great last day of February. Get out and enjoy something yummy! Let`s hope NO MORE SNOW!

Namaste.

Learning the ways of the Empath

Sunrise from front porch

*227* <--i haven't weighed so I dont know..possibly 2 ton

  I had a difficult dream last night and it woke me up at 4am. I woke up the previous night at 5am. I have not had a nap so you can just guess how I feel. Kid #1 is going through some work stuff (she will be fine) but I think what is going on in her mind and heart has been presenting itself to me in my dreams. Sounds trippy. I know. I am not the trippy kind of gal. But I have had some revelations this past month. You will either believe it or you wont. I wont go deep deep DEEP into it because I dont want any of you to think I am completely off my nut. I am a Empath. I am highly intuitive. I have the gifts of Clairsentience and Claircogizance.  There is probably more to me in this realm but I dont really know.

   I will not get into the entire story because it would be just way too long. Long story short, I was invited and introduced to a Massage Therapist that could help me with my ongoing back pains. She is a friend of a friend. Remember how I never had a massage before. This was a whole new world for me. Like people have issues with strangers touching their feet for a pedicure, I had a issue with strangers rubbing my body. I decided to just do it. Have the experience and if I didn't like it, I wouldn't have to do it again. I was sent there not only because of my back. I was sent there because my friend knew. She knew that I was an empath and I needed to be told so. The massage therapist also has a degree as a psychotherapist. She felt very like home to me. She told me that I am a highly intuitive person. I am a Empath. I have to learn to ground myself. I have to learn to meditate. Yoga is out for now because of my arthritis. I have been reading and watching videos ever since.

  In a nutshell (nuts again), Empaths are sensitive to their surroundings more then other people. Some have some gifts, some have other gifts. We all do not have the same. All my life I have been able to tell when someone is lying. I do not like disingenuous or false people. They turn me right off and I can spot them 10 miles away. If you are a fake bitch, I want nothing to do with you. I can sense peoples emotions, intentions, and sometimes thoughts. I have been yelled at for finishing other people`s sentences. I can look at your face and know how you are feeling. My ability to sense negative energies or possibly spirits is in the realm of Clairsentience. That has been going on most of my life. I just thought it was a quirky trick and I helped friends pick out apartments that didn't give me the shivers.  I never really talked about these things before because 1. I dont want to be labeled as crazy. 2. It was just who I am. No need to announce something that is normal to me.  Until I found out I was a little extraordinary.

  Let me tell you a freaky story. I had done an application for that job that I want. But I never added a resume or cover letter because I did not know I was supposed to. I have not applied for a job in like 20 years. I also realized that I really messed up on the application. No one had called me so I decided to be proactive. I said to myself that I hope they did not see my other application. I had Kid #2 pick up another one for me. I filled it out the right way, did the resume and cover letter, and presented them two weeks ago while coming in to pay my bill. The lady that I always see up front remembered that I had brought another one in. I told her that I forgot about the resume and cover letter so I figured I would correct the situation. I asked out loud about it in the car after I left. All I wanted was a chance. Just a chance. If it is meant to be, please help me let that happen. Three hours later...I had a telephone interview. Come to find out, the lady up front brought my application to the back and  told the hiring manager and the supervisor to call me..interview me.  She and they looked for my first application. They could NOT find it. It was gone. I found this out the other day from her. (new billing cycle so I paid the bill). She said it was a good sign that I was called that quickly. She smiled at me in a way that let me know that I will probably get a sit down interview for the job.  So everyday I make it a point to ask my higher power/spirit guides to help me. If this job is meant for me to have, please let me be correct in my path. Help me with the interview. Calm my mind and spirit. Let them see that I would be the right choice. Sometimes coincidences arent coincidences at all.

  Ever since I have been told, stuff has been happening. Like I said, I am not going to get into it all because that would take too much time. But if I have a good story to tell that pertains to it, I will share.

  We have had a couple warm days and a string of really warm days are coming this week. I am sick of looking at the dirty snow. I will be glad to see it go. I have plans for this growing season and they are gonna happen! I have already committed to the three beds at the community garden this year. We will keep them at least this year. I dont know about next year, we will see. But since we are going to have some money to do things around the house, I want my garden beds in the front. Three long beds filled with compost. The front yard will have to be dug up and smoothed out first. Then I will buy lots and lots of wood chips to cover around the beds.  I want to be able to veggie garden in my Pjs. Once the weather gets warmer, we have some things that have to be done around the house. Most definitely have to have the outside spigot replaced. I havent been able to use it for two seasons cause we turned it off. It was leaking. That is going to be done. I will totally take pics on IG of the progress. I keep hoping for the warmer temps so I can start growing some lettuce and radishes!

  Kid #2 and I decided yesterday that we want a roasted chicken dinner today. I have to pick up a chicken this morning cause Hubby will put a dry rub on it to sit in the fridge for a couple hours. I am thinking of doing a cauliflower gratin to go with it. I will use almond flour in place of regular flour.  This recipe stands out to me. I have some stone ground mustard in the fridge I could use too. I will not use breadcrumbs. Mmmm! I have been bloated from corn chips yesterday. Dont ask. It was not a good day yesterday and as a family we went out to eat.  I have to realize that my kids are grown and I cannot be Mama bear all the time. Sometimes they have to walk their path alone, even if it is very hard to do. It is hard for me to. The kid will be okay. She will flourish in her life and her future. What has happened is just a stepping stone in her life.

 I am blathering because of lack of sleep! I need to take a nap but that will happen later while Hubs cooks the chicken. I hope you have a wonderful week. Especially this Sunday. Go out and enjoy some Vitamin D.
Namaste
 

Trying to stay positive

*227* <---I gained 7 fucking pounds! That is not acceptable!*'


   I am trying really hard to be positive. The man has a telephone interview with unemployment next week. He is also going to go there to find out about help with job training and such like that. Now it is time to work it. We cannot afford for him to go much lower then what he was making. A couple dollars yes but any lower then that, and it is going to be very hard. I might have to go stiletto shopping.  On a positive note, it is almost 5pm est and the sun is still over the horizon. Every day gets a little bit longer.

  I have a crazy idea. Hear me out. I was thinking of applying to the USPS as a Rural Carrier Associate. That is what I used to do. All your work is basically sitting in the truck and delivering. Most of the mail is sorted for you, not like back when I was an RCA. You work every Saturday. Then you work any days your carrier wants off, and when they go on vacation. It isnt enough money to live off of but I can work for the Feds, be a Federal employee, and still collect my SS. I will never make over that certain amount that deems you ineligible. Unless I get my own route. Which is highly unlikely but it is nice to dream. I think I will find out where the testing center is for CT and decide if I really want to do that. Thoughts? I know I know. No comments hardly. On a positive note, I went to the new Aldi`s today in my area. LOVE IT. Bought some cheese.

  Well, that just made me burst into tears. The Neurosurgeon finally set up my MRI. Nobody let me know. It is supposed to be for this Saturday. This is to check on my cervical spine and to see why I have a weak pulse in my arm. I had to tell her that he doesnt work there anymore and we could not afford to do it. I have been waiting for over a month for that appointment and now it is nothing. Poof. I have to file for State Welfare insurance for me and hubby. I have no idea how to do that. At all. I worry every day. I have not told anybody but you all and a couple of friends. No one asks me how i am doing. I cannot even go to therapy to talk it out cause I dont have insurance to pay for it. If I get sick, I will just end up dying.  On a positive note, the snow outside is melting nicely. We will have a few warm ups coming up this week and next week.

  Yesterday was Kid #1`s birthday. She is now 28 years old. I made her a full sized Martha Stewart NY style cheesecake. We went out for dim sum lunch for her meal. She got to go to Lush and Sephora on her sister`s dime. She had a good time. We had the money set aside. No sense in making her birthday feel like shit cause life is imploding all over the place for us. Sometimes you have to just a little bit of normal to make everything feel okay. Even for a little bit. On a positive note, my grapefruit tree has sprouted a new baby. This is good news!

  That was the last birthday until October. There are no more excuses from here on out. I went to do my regular grocery shopping and picked up all kinds of stuffs to add fat into the diet so I do not fall head first into a loaf of bread. Like I did on Tuesday. My friend`s husband makes artisinal loafs of bread. I had never had before. I bought a loaf for the girls cause they dont really get bread at all anymore. OMG! Hubs and I ate some. It was divine! I have to be careful though and so does he. We dont have any health insurance. Being a diabetic with no insurance is no joke. On a positive note, I have a nice big pot of crack slaw cooking on the stove. I am using stevia in place of the brown sugar in the recipe. We can eat till we puke and it wont make the sugars go up.

    I think that is about all I have to say. I am quiet. Hardly anybody knows what is going on but the ones that do aint saying anything to me. So that makes me feel really special. I have yet to go through the stuff for Etsy and Ebay. Once I get out of this funk I am in, I will do it. I promise. You will see stuff up on there. I just am not feeling any kind of productivity at this point. I looked at the calendar and in next week will be two weeks since my telephone interview. If I am going to hear anything, it will be around then. I have to go pay my bill tomorrow. I will let the ladies up front know how far I have gotten. I hope I get it. I really do. I keep sending out positive thoughts so that it can happen.

Have a good weekend! I will probably post again on Sunday. I just felt like I needed to let some shit go and I have nobody to talk to so I just throw it up here for the world to read.

The snow didn't get me

*225*

  I am on the iPad this afternoon. Blogger won't let me download a new photo on here at all.  I had to use what I had available and all the photos are from like 2011. This is Oliver and Milo (ginger kitty) from Summer 2011. Milo was a baby boy and Oli was a year older. They are still thick as thieves. Perfectly fine picture for this Sunday blog post.

  I am have been down. I have been busy. I have been trying to figure shit out. I  did a lot and that is why a post last week was not in the cards. I filed for full Medicare. That new card should come in another week. The job gave him the option to resign, with a severance, and insurance till the end of March. I can breath a little bit. Tuesday he can cash out the retirement. I have paperwork from unemployment to fill out. I also sent in paperwork for me to possible get job training,

  Oh wow! I have some exciting news!! So last week I did my resume and cover letter for a position as customer service rep (over the computer) some place. On this Wednesday, I handed in those and a application. I asked my higher power to help me with this. Give me a chance. That is all that I ask. Three hours later, the hiring manager called. She gave me a telephone interview. I think I did pretty good. I was able to answer without stumbling. She said it will be a couple weeks before they decide who will get formal interviews. I will hear either way. I asked for it and I was given a chance. If that is as far as it goes with this company, I am okay with that.  I have been thinking about this for a year. I think it took this turning point in life to give me the push that I needed. It starts off at $10.50/hr but full benefits. That is important. I will let you all know.

  I am doing okay surprisingly. I have a real feeling of calm about the whole thing, you would think I would be a massive wreck, but I am not.  Don't get me wrong, I have my moments. I have stayed off social media pretty much cause I am not telling anybody anything and all their mundane life stuff is making me sad. We will be okay. He will get unemployment and he will look for a job. I will look for work. I have my social security. And we have the 401k. Some people think we are crazy but most understand. We don't want to be in a situation where there is no money for something,

  Thursday we had a blizzard. I did not measure but I heard we got between 14-16 inches. Saturday it snowed another two and today it snowed another two (just for us) but now it is raining so a nice layer of ice on top. We went out at 9am before the snow and got some stuff done. We are all safe and sound in the house till tomorrow. A plus about him not working is I don't have to worry to death that he is out in that small car, on the highway, in a snow storm, to go pick up stats and cultures, and such. We all snuggled in.  We were told that we would get our winter. Boy did we get it.

   I cannot eat Girl Scout cookie Samoas. I wondered why my gut was in so much pain yesterday.  And still today. I finally realized it was the coconut on the cookie. I had like 4 of them and that was 4 too many. Let's just say I need to stay close to home. I have been eating all the wrong things. I have said fuck it all over the place with sugar, wheat, grains, and potatoes. I have to detox myself and I have to fight the urges. Back on track. No more crap. Tonight I am making kielbasa, mashed cauliflower, and a fancy salad with chopped bacon and blue cheese crumbles added in. I wanted a nice fancy stick of sausage this week. The girls are like ewww but Hubs and I cannot wait,

  Did I tell you that I found out I am a highly intuitive Empath? I could go back and look the past month of blogs because honestly, I cannot remember.  I am going to talk more about this from time  to time. A major life can of worms has been opened for me. I have found out many things that some may totally agree with and others will just say I am crazy. Once you have been told this, you start to search out your truths. You get answers to some life long questions about yourself. I found out that I am a Indigo Child  (adult). I am highly sensitive to my surroundings and other people. So much for me to learn. I have to go to the mystical shop and buy myself a tourmaline stone to help protect me. I need to learn a lot. This is all I am going to say about this for now. If you are a empath, why not give me a shout out.

  I am done for now. I am gonna take a nap, if my colon allows me too. I will be back to my regularly scheduled programming. I am done being pitiful for now. I hope you all have a great week and no more snow!