Negativity

  People don't really like to be around me. I have lost friends online. Some just backed away, others completely blocked me from their life. I have to talk to a therapist about my issues cause those nearest to me don't want to hear it. How am I supposed to act positively when I am in so much pain?

 Am I supposed to just pretend everything is okay and keep it all inside? Save it for the shrink? 

 I have been told on the days that I feel like hell that I am negative and maybe I should leave the room. I hate you right now. Or they leave and go hang out with friends and leave me here by myself. 

  I don't want to be this way. If I have to live like this for the rest of my life.......

I am afraid I will lose those that are closest to me. I guess I deserve this. I can't be the way my friends want me to be so they ignore me or they dump me. Then mutual friends take sides. I don't even know what the sides are. Part of me wants to just get out of social media all together but then I would be utterly alone. 

Yeah yeah, go talk to your shrink. Sounds like you need a fucking pill you crazy bitch. I got that covered. I have a brain disease and a skull defect that makes me feel this way. There is no pill to fix it.

There is nothing to fix it. 

I am just spilling it here cause nobody really reads this. I am surprised anyone reads it actually. My pathetic excuse for a blog. Hey! At least I am losing weight now. Would you look at that! I accomplished something. 

I just feel alone in a house full of people. Friends don't text. People don't call. I have a small handful of people that still let me know I am somebody. How long they will be around...I don't know.