I hate diabetes

*260*

 I got a call from my Endo`s nurse this morning. They wanted to tell me about my diabetic blood draw aka A1C. It is 8.6. That is horrific! That is not good at all! That is all the crap I have been eating for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  It is a damaging number, is what that is. I will be honest. I have been eating what i want and then playing catch up with the insulin. Not a good thing to do. You are supposed to do your insulin, eat your meal, and that is that. No catch up.
 He had suggested that I give the low carb eating a try again. Maybe if I can stick with that way of life, I can forgo anymore damage to my body. Like whatever is wrong with my gut right now.
 I am dealing with alot of shit right now and this is not one of the things I wanted added. I have to also say that I was dealing with a massive amount of infection in my head. That could contribute to some of the numbers being off. That is not an excuse. Infection does raise your blood sugars. But I know that is not the only reason.
 So I guess I have to change my life for real this time. No thinking about it. No talking about it. No dabbling in it. I have to actually do it. The low carb amounts are going to kill me and I am going to be such a bitch but I have to do it to live longer.
One thing I have to give up is sugar. I drink two cups of coffee a day, maximum. In one cup, I put light cream and one teaspoon of sugar. I used to use artificial sweetener but they started giving me headaches. I can also go back to using soy milk and soy creamer with no problem.
 You know, if a Dr ever tells you that you are pre-diabetic or that you have gestational diabetes when you are pregnant, take it seriously!
 I did not and look at me. 10 years since diagnosis. I am almost 44 years old and I am falling apart on the insides. I fear that I will not live to 50 for some reason. I have to try to get well on the inside so that I can fix the damage that I have already done.

A plan must be made:
 Low carb eating forever. Fred and I both. I will not limit him to 25 carbs a day cause he is a guy and needs more calories because he works. I need to find some recipes that will help us.

Ding Ding Ding!!! Just got another call back from the Dr office. They got my scans. I do have a kidney stone but that would not be causing the pain that I am feeling. I do not have any gallstones that they can see BUT my bile duct is enlarged. Which could mean that I am getting ready to develop one inside of it and that is not a good. If it blocks the flow of bile, I will be in screaming pain and could like burst. They are calling the surgical team at the hospital to get me in ASAP. If my pain becomes excruciating, I am to go to the ER.

I am going to eat some low carbness now but I need to really read up like I did before and print out some recipes and ideas for eating. I will come back to this after my surgery. Fuck!

And how is your new year shaping up?