I had felt really good about our mutual decisions to NOT give each other gifts this year. Money is just not there for it. I probably could have squeezed out something from somewhere to make it bright, but it would have been stressful. I have not felt stressed one bit about this holiday at all. Now that is it is Christmas morning, I am feeling sad and left out. There is no one awake but me at 930am because there is no reason to be up. There is no laughter. No wrapping paper flying. No Ooos and Ahhs. Not a gift except those home made gifts that only I made that are in the back of the tree. No one is interested in those. Nobody else made any gifts. I guess they couldn't be bothered. I think the part that is bothering me is not the fact that I did not get anything (which sucks majorly) but that I am not seeing the happiness on everyone`s faces from the gifts that I gave them. Why did I bother to hang the fucking tree?
Today could just be another fucking day for all that matters. I know that the girls are going to be sad today just like me. All their friends got gifts and they did not. I know they are adults. I just feel like shit right now. I got one gift this year. On online friend gave me some gaming dollars. And I appreciate that gift a lot. I would never let on that is the only thing I got this year. But I will post it on my blog for everyone to see.
I am going to send off an email to a friend, read the paper online and then get off this thing. I just cannot read about how so and so got this and so and so got that because it is dark and quiet here on this regular old Tuesday morning.
I am so stupid.
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