It is a freaky kind of a day

*266*

 I did not sleep well last night. It was humid as all get out and I woke up around 3am and went downstairs to the couch with the ac. I am not in any pain but it was a fitful sleep. Maybe that is why I feel the way I do. I feel like something is wrong. Or maybe not that something is wrong but I do not know how to explain it. Life has just been down hill all year and it feels like a cloud has been following most of the time. I am not talking about depression either. There just isnt much to be happy about when something shitty is right on its heels.

  This has been 2012 so far. Two friends died, a family member died, money has been tight as a drum all year with no relaxation , Fred hasn't been feeling well, I haven't been feeling well,  I am still waiting for my new chapter  to start, the garden was not good this year, and good people are having a hard time keeping their shit together. I realized yesterday that as much as it kills me, I cannot save the world. Your average middle class family cannot afford to pay their bills anymore. They are working, they deleted all the frills (cable, dinner out, etc) and they just cant get ahead. They are just trying to survive. And it hurts me that I cannot help. I know that I have to be practical because we are trying to survive too. I am worried about what is going to happen with our food prices in the coming months. Am I going to be able to afford to heat the house? Gas just went up to $4.06 a gallon regular today. I am not much of a doomsday person but the winter months are coming and I have not prepared enough.
 I think it is all creeping up on me. This has been a very hard year for us financially. We took a hit when Natalie turned 18. Life can and will get better but being so frugal is very tiring. I want to splurge! I miss buying towels at Home Goods! I want to be the old Middle Class again!
 I miss my friend. I know we were not close for quite a few years but I feel like I lost an opportunity to get back with her in some small capacity. Now that is gone. I still shed a tear over her from time to time.

 Yeah. I just feel unsettled. If I could just go to bed, watch Supernatural on Netflix, eat chips and have no one bother me for the rest of the day..that would be lovely. But that is not gonna happen. I have a role that I must fulfill every single day and the world is off kilter if I do not do it.

Being a loving wife and mother is some tiring shit!

Rant away!

*264*

Blame it on my hormones but I am due for a fucking rant.
 I have a question. How would you like it if you spent an hour cleaning the living room, top to bottom and came downstairs the next morning and it was a big mess again? AND the mess wasn't made by a bunch of 10 year olds but by a bunch of young adults!  When you ask them to HELP you, a couple things may happen. Blank stares like you are talking a foreign language, Protests that they didnt do it, or giving a half assed effort just to get you off their back. You only see that help when you ask for it. It never comes every day or even every week. You always have to practically beg this young adult to help you.
 I am just having a bad day and I am thinking about all the things that are going on in the world. Fred lost his part time job. That money helped every week. Now it is gone. We do not have that extra to help pay for gas for the cars or when we run out of cream for our coffee. Now I have to budget those things back into the meager amount I have been working with this past few months. I am scared about the winter.
 Will I be able to keep up warm? Food prices are going to go up. Am I going to be able to hoard enough now before it really gets bad?  I have too many adults living here that are not contributing at all. Not one bit.

I just explained to Natalie that I feel like I am pushing a boulder up hill every single day and I am not making any progress at all. I get shit clean and then somebody comes along and fucks it up. Why are you dropping shit on the floor and not picking it up? Total disrespect on my part.

But then I am supposed to go out of my fucking way to do this and that for you all. And god forbid I say no.
Yup. That about sums it up. I am the ONLY one that is worried about the next few months. I am the ONLY one that is making plans to secure food for us, just in case the prices go through the roof.
If I get my feelings brushed aside one more time, I am going to fucking lose it.

Now I have to go wash all the dishes...again. I just washed them all yesterday. I do not have a dishwasher. I am the dishwasher.

Skinny Saturday..I wish!

*264*<---WooHoo!

    I am doing something right. Ever since I have been taking the correct amount of insulin, keeping my sugars down, and wanting to keep them down..the weight has gone down bit by bit. I know that if I can get fired up about going to the gym, it will drop like sweat off a fat chick`s ass. oh yeah, that`s me! Natalie has noticed that I have been eating much less. It is called the Recession diet. You eat less so that there is enough food for everyone else. I know that sounds bad to some of you that live way above MY means (you know who you are), but this is a fact of life for many Mom`s out there now.  You give the biggest portion to hubby/wife or the main worker cause he/she is working hard and needs the calories, then you have everyone else get their food with the warning that they can only have so much cause others have to eat too. So Chelsea and Fred get the largest portions and then Natalie and Raymond and then me. I get whatever is left. There have been times were I have gotten 1 chicken wing and some sides for dinner. I did not complain though. I am losing weight from it and my sugars are doing well. It will hopefully get better once I start working. That stipend will make a difference.
  Today I am going to work on the livingroom. Carefully pull out couches (do not want to bust another disc) and clean underneath. Anything that I deem garbage has to go. All the curtains need to be taken down and washed. I do not dry them. I was taught to hang them in the windows wet. Then you do not have to iron them.
 The weather is absolutely gorgeous. The dew point is low and there is a nice breeze. Good time to wash the windows also. I know. I know. I sound like a damn freak cause I like to wash windows. I actually kind of do. I WISH I had newer windows though.

Oh well. No biggie.

Sunday is going to be a cooking day. I have some cucumbers that I bought at the Farmer`s market. I am going to make a few jars of bread and butter pickles. There are not a huge amount. They were charging $2 a lb! That is a lot when you need many cukes to slice for each jar. I guess I will have enough to make a personal batch for the family this year. I was hoping to make some to send to friends but I don't know about that right now. Maybe I will get some more next week. I have no idea what I am cooking for Sunday dinner yet cause I am waiting to get some grocery money. I hate life sometimes. It is all about hurry up and wait.

Hope you all have a nice Saturday and a cool breeze on your face.

Ahhh! September!

*266*

 Ahhhh Choo! My allergies are kicking up again. Fall is coming. I can tell. I will be okay. Once all the leaves are bagged and stashed up in the top yard, I will be right as rain.

Natalie signed up for school on Monday. She starts on September 4, the day after Labor Day. She is going to school in the mornings, not early, so that she can finish quicker then when she was taking them at  night. She just wants to get it done. Her guidance counselor told her that is she stayed the course and got alot done this first semester (Sept-Dec), she could finish by June of next year. So this year and she will be done. YES!

   For some strange reason, I have had some bursts of energy this past week. And it is not knocking me down like it usually does. I wonder if it has to do with my hormones or that my sugars are in balance more now then ever. Or a combo of things. I have been nesting dammit. I haven't been like this since I was a younger Mom. My house was never perfection but I always made sure the living room, kitchen, and the bathrooms were clean for sanitary reasons and when people came over. Always. Plants were always watered, kitchen was basically clean. Now the bedrooms could be another story but you can close the door. Now, I have not moved into my former self and I would NEVER say I was in remission cause that would be a big letdown if I wasn't...I am just enjoying the *manic* of the moment and know that it will not last long.
 Both of the girl`s have man friends and one of them is going to be coming to the house in the second week of September. I am not saying who cause that is her business right now. But yeah, so every day I have been doing something around here. Deep fucking cleaning. My house is no where near perfection and until I get the subfloors replaced and new flooring, it will always smell like dog (it has since we moved it, worse now). So that embarrasses me. But I digress. The dude is coming. Nothing I can do about that.

  I have been having issues with my Meniere`s Disease lately. I was diagnosed about 6 years ago. It has always been on the mild side but not anymore. It has slowly been creepying up on me the last 6 months or so. I have done really well for years in controlling it but watching my salt intake. I would have like one attack a year, if that. Now I am dizzy alot. I do not have true vertigo, thank goodness! But the ENT warned me that it would get more intense.
 The kicker for me was I was sitting here at the computer, I heard a loud noise outside, and it triggered me to feel like I was moving when I wasn't. It was a weird feeling that I cannot describe. I stood up and for a second I thought maybe we were having an earthquake (they happen here) but I looked out the side window and saw my neighbor. He was pulling metal patio furniture across the cement patio (scraping). That was the noise and that triggered my *attack*. I had not felt well for days and I thought I was getting sick with a cold or something. I even puked.  I just couldn't shake it off. Then this happened. Afterward, I realized it was a MD attack and I rested and I felt better after a couple hours. You can read all about Meniere`s Disease<----here. So I have an appointment with my ENT in New Haven on the 7th. We will make a bit of a day. Go to Dr, go to Ikea, go to lunch, and the bakery, and Oh..Pick up the man friend from the train!

  I have another bit of news. I knew about this back in May but I did not know for sure until this week. I am going to try to  go back to work. Sometime this week I need to go over to Social Security and inform them that I want to try their program. You can be on disability and go back to work. I discussed it with my boss and I think I can reasonably work 3 hours a day Monday-Thursday. I do not want to over do it. This is me putting a baby toe in the pond of the workforce to see if I can do a small, non stressful part time job. It is a small shop, I will be answering his phones, and doing some work in the shop (prepping stuff). When there is down time, he is going to teach me how to play guitar. I already brought ours over there. He is going to string it and tune it and I will be all set. It is part of my employment. LOL I always wanted to learn, so I am taking the chance. 
 It took awhile to transpire because the city that the shop was in was making him and his partner jump through hoops to open. They finally got the signage okay on Monday. He has to get some work in to build up the money for the business (he is popular around the area with what he does) and I can start work mid-end of September.
I am uber psyched. He knows I am on disability and he told me the job is not stressful on your mind, body or soul. Since I do not need more hours or insurance, that saves them.  I will be able to make enough to replace the money that was lost when Natalie turned 18, and if I only work so many hours, I can collect and work indefinitely. If I find that I could work way more, and make way more, then I will and we will see what happens to SS. I am not going to go down that road right now. If you or someone you know is on Social Security Disability and is thinking they want to go back to work, there are tons of different publications online that will point you in the right direction.


  I am going to a BBQ with old high school friends on the 1st. There will be Mojitos. I just need to make sure that I keep an eye on my carb load, my alcohol consumption and my sugars. I will be a good dooby. My friend does not live in the same town so I will have a bit of a drive home if I start feeling shitty. Oh and do not worry about me. I never drink and drive. Ever. I am a huge stickler about that shit.
The only other thing that I can think of about next month is Sept 1st the Cider Mill opens. And you all know how I love me some apple cider, pumpkin bread, and cider donuts. Oh and they make cider slushies too. Sooooo Gooood!


That is all that is fit to print. Lots of activity around here. I want this house to be as clean as it can for this strange man child that is coming to court our daughter. Fred is ready to scare the shit out of him with his mean face. He has already scared off one dude. One did not like at all!


Now where is my Magic Eraser???

Sunday Chicken

Cradle of our love it was

*266*

 I thought the computer viruses and such were taken care of yesterday but we were wrong. I have to wait for this guy to wake up on the west coast to help me. I have to leave soon to take Rainbow to work too.
 It is gorgeous out. Nice and cool. No rain at all. I am going to go to the garden after I drop him off, do some harvesting and some weeding.
Today is going to be fried chicken Sunday. I have two whole fryers that I am going to cut up and make into oven fried chicken. It is an old recipe that I used to use when I was young. I sucked at making fried chicken, so I tried it this way and it was wonderful. This is a simple recipe for the chicken. You can add whatever spices you like to it. I like to soak my chicken in milk in the fridge for a couple hours. It tenderizes it. Add a couple cloves of garlic to the milk, Yummy!

I will have two big pans of this waiting to feed the masses today. I hope you have a good Sunday yourself.

Gnat`s have more energy!

Someone posted this on Facebook. She said that it is for those Mom`s that have the attention span of a gnat. This is supposed to help me get my house clean and not forget anything and be proud of my accomplishments.
Yeah, right.

First off, I would have to get up at like 5am to get started. If I attempted to do everything on that list in one day, I might end up dead at the end of it. I think they should add penning your own obituary in there some place.
After you have fluffed the last damn pillow and made your drink of choice, there is one thing that they forgot to add. Dinner!
You have to make fucking dinner!

Yeah, this will never happen. This is a list for the young or a maid I cannot afford.








Where is that drink??

Co-op Mob Scene/Friday stuff

This is the best hot sauce to have in your house

*265*

  I went to the co-op today because they are having a 25% off everything and they close for a week for remodeling after tonight. I had four objectives today. Buy toilet paper..check. Return bad movie to library..check. Mail bills at the post office...checky check check. Go to co-op to buy some essentials for the week they will be closed. Simple right?

Oh so wrong. I was about to get everything done wonderfully. And then I saw that the parking lot to the place was packed. There was all kinds of people in there wanting to get something for a cheaper price. I got the last jar of honey. And it was the smallest jar they sell. I wanted to pick up big essentials for us now to save money. Everyone had the same damn idea.
No produce. No cheese. No coconut oil. I got the last pound of jasmine rice. Crazyyy! I am glad I went though. We have some goodies for the coming week.

 Today I am going to  make some fried tilapia with egg wash, flour, and panko breading, fried green tomatoes with cornmeal, buttered baby peas, and some of the jasmine rice. I love adding Sriracha sauce to the egg dip. It gives the fish a nice kick in the pants. You have to be careful because if you use too much, you might blow the top of your head off. You can find it in most grocery stores in their ethnic sections but if you have an Asian market, get it there. Much cheaper. You want the red bottle with the rooster on the front and the green cap. You will like it where ever you want to add a bit of heat. 
  The computer has another damn virus. A Trojan this time. I bought the virus protection from the company that helped me before (Malwarebytes) and because I bought it, they are helping me via email right now. They will help me eradicate whatever the hell is infecting this thing. It is crazy. I HATE DELL COMPUTERS! Yes, I said it. When I have money saved up this December, one of my first purchases will be a Mac. A nice big one. Desktop. I like the laptop but for the first replacement, I want a desktop. I like having a central computer that everyone can use and try not to fuck up. So yeah, more problems with this damn dell. I refuse to call them. I have talked to them enough. When we get a replacement, we are going to use a sledgehammer on this computer. I will even videotape it and post that shit!

It has been a cooler day then the past. It will be a nice dinner and Natalie and I are going to watch Disc 2 of season 4 of True blood. It is supposed to rain tomorrow and be much cooler. I cannot wait. I have to take Raymond and Chelsea to work. Then I have to wait around for a cable company tech to try and fix our cable. It is an issue on the street. It is bothering all of our tvs and internet AND we are not the only house. They came to fix it at the pole yesterday but that shit made it worse. Back to the drawing board.

So, if I disappear for any length of time, it is probably cause of the computer. I am hoping I get it taken care of by this weekend. Cross fingers for me!

Busy Wednesday

*265*

  It has kind of cooled off around these parts of Connecticut. Still a teeny bit humid but I have the windows open and the AC is turned off down here. This is a good sign. I want to air out the house! I need to vacuum, and I have much canning to do.
   I have all my fruit put away in the freezer ready to go. I have to pick up pectin and sugar for it. This weekend will be all about pickles and corn though. I am going to the Farmer`s market on Friday to pick up local cucumbers and as many ears of corn as I can reasonably afford. The corn is just going to be blanched, cut into kernels, put into jars with hot water, and I will pressure can them. I will do a step by step on that for here.
 The cukes are going to be for the bread and butter pickles I have been making every year. I wanted to do some pickled beets but they did not perform well in the garden. I do not want to buy them because all the stores charge way too much. Maybe if I find some cheap ones at the fm, then I will do the beets also. That IS the plan. I have to do it because the season is drawing to a close. It will be harder and harder to find bread/butter corn (local variety) and good firm cukes. So if it gets hot again, oh well!

 Today I am going to stick around the house, get some things done and while I am at it, I am going to try a new conditioner for my hair. 

Coconut Oil!
 Chelsea has been using this handy kitchen ingredient for a couple years now for cooking. You can fry food with it. But you can also use it for your personal grooming. It is good for a moisturizer, lip balm, and leave in conditioner for your hair. My hair has been so dry lately because of the weather. I was reading that I can put this in my hair now, braid or put my hair in a bun, then wash it later on tonight. My hair will be bouncing and behaving. You take a small bit of the coconut oil, warm it in your hands and run through your hair. A little goes a long way. You can also massage into your scalp for some itch relief. I am going to do this today and I will let you know how it turns out.

Sickness and Beef Stew

*265*

 I either have mega allergies or a head cold. I am leaning towards the cold. My ears are clogged. I have been going slow for the most part. Laying around unless there is something I have to do.
 I decided that my ass was going make some beef stew. I know I know. It is beef. I was just in the mood for something with veggies and gravy. I will not eat egg noodles with it. I will be good.
I found a recipe from the Pioneer Woman from the Food Network. I basically used the recipe as is except I did not have any tomato paste. So I used ketchup instead. I did not use bouillon either. I used Better than Bouillon, beef flavor. It smells amazing. It is going to be another hour and then I will throw in the carrots and potatoes. Oh! I also added 3 baby leeks, cleaned and chopped. Below is the as is recipe that is on her website. You can fiddle with it like I did or keep it as is.
I just forced myself to make it cause everyone is either at work or sleeping and a sick girl has gotta eat!

Beef Stew with Beer and Paprika

Ingredients

• 3 Tablespoons Olive Oil
• 1 Tablespoon Butter
• 2 pounds Stew Meat
• 1 whole Medium Onion, Diced
• 3 cloves Garlic, Minced
• 1 can Beer, 12 Ounce Can
• 4 cups Beef Stock (or 4 Cups Water + 4 Beef Bouillon Cubes)
• 2 cups Water (additional, If Needed)
• 1 Tablespoon Worcestershire Sauce
• 2 Tablespoons Tomato Paste
• 1/2 teaspoon Paprika
• 1/2 teaspoon Kosher Salt
• Freshly Ground Black Pepper
• 1-1/2 teaspoon Sugar
• 4 whole Carrots, Washed, Unpeeled, And Roughly Sliced
• 4 whole New Potatoes, Quartered
• Minced Parsley (optional)

Preparation Instructions

Heat oil and butter in a large pot over medium-high heat. Brown meat in two batches, setting aside on a plate when brown. Cut pieces in half. Set aside.
Add diced onions to the pot. Stir and cook for two or three minutes until softened, then add garlic for another minute. Pour in beer and beef stock, then add Worcestershire, tomato paste, paprika, salt, pepper, and sugar. Add beef back into the pot. Stir to combine. Cover and simmer for 1 1/2 to 2 hours.
 The liquid should cook down to a thicker state. If it gets too thick/reduces too much, add additional water as needed.
Add carrots and potatoes, then cover and cook for an additional 30 minutes. (If stew gets dry, just add a cup of hot water at a time to replenish the liquid.) Taste and adjust seasonings as needed.
Serve in bowls next to crusty French bread. Sprinkle with minced parsley, if desired.

Heat Crazy!

*265*

That is from the tv show Foster`s Home for Imaginary Friends. Natalie and Chelsea used to watch it back in the day. Once they said this script of it is HOT in TOPEKA. Well, who knows how many years later and that is something I say cause it is too damn humid.
 I am going a little heat nuts. We are supposed to get some relief maybe today or tomorrow. More dangerous thunderstorms like yesterday will help drag the cold front in. Here in our area was just a couple booms and some rain. Nothing bad though. In upper part of the state near the Mass border was bad. Tornado watches and Flash flood warnings. Chelsea`s trip to New Haven got canceled because all the trains were running hours late and her commuter train canceled for the evening. She was very upset.
I keep talking about all this stuff that I have to do but I get started doing it and the sweat pours down. We need to buy another AC. Either a bigger one for the livingroom to cool off the whole downstairs or an extra one here in the diningroom. I have ac and fans going and still there is that clamminess in the air. Yuck!
 The only good thing about this weekend being a wash out is the rain. I do not have to water the garden. I should be down there weeding. I have been sick, it has been hot, and I just did not have the dedication this year to completely keep it weed free. I am embarrassed at the amount of weeds I let grow. Oh well. Season is almost over anyway. I will do better next year. This year was a disappointment anyway. ALL the broccoli in the whole garden (not just mine) bolted early. Before you could even get any. The kale is a late bloomer. The brussel sprouts are not performing at all. I have tomatoes, beets, and carrots. How sad is that?
 It was our crazy weather. This weather scares me some. I try not to think about global warming but it is right in my face.
okay, enough of that. No gloom and doom!
 Today is humid like yesterday. Gonna clean the kitchen and possibly get to the damn pantry. It needs to be cleaned! Shelves emptied, wiped down, and food put in bags for donation. Then re-organize and make notes on things I need for the winter.
 I think I am determined to do it this time! LOL
Wish my sweaty butt luck.

What an Inspiration!

*265*

This was posted with the photo on Facebook:
From Jessica: If I can make the change from being a sick, bloated, 100+lb overweight, medicated, stage 3 cancer patient to a thriving, HEALTHY, cancer FREE woman on a low fat, plant based, whole food vegan diet / complete lifestyle change... ANYONE can!

You just have to make the decision & stick to it. It's one day at a time. You can't look at this change as "temporary" while looking forward to

times to "cheat" with harmful foods - you'll never last that way.

I live my life 90% of the time I eat a VERY strict Dr. McDougall diet consisting of unprocessed, low fat, whole, plant foods and on a rare occasion I'll "cheat" and eat more fruit than usual or have a small piece of organic 80%+ dark vegan chocolate or some a vegan apple crisp dessert... but those are rare occasions and even in my "cheating" I am still 100% McDougall all the way. That's why it's a lifestyle, not just a diet.

I know that health come from the totality of your daily decisions - not just from a single component; that's why I exercise regularly, I drink 80+ oz of water daily, I sleep well, practice de-stressing techniques, laugh often, I am regularly educating myself through books, dvds & trusted sites on health & nutrition, read my bible & talk with my God daily. It's the totality of our decisions that create an environment for true health.

 

  Chelsea was a Vegan for 6 years. This past year she went back to being a vegetarian and then she was a meat eater before I knew it. She just decided she wanted to eat meat again. I do not know if I could completely go vegan. There are many things out there that substitute for cheese, mayonaisse and sour cream that are vegan. So it will not be very harsh. Just something to ponder of this sultry Thursday morning. 

   I am not saying that I am going to DO THIS because you all know my track record. :)  I get inspired, say I am gonna do it, and right back to eating an Oreo cookie! 

I have the website for this Dr. McDougall. If any of you are interested in reading what he has posted.  His way of eating is much stricter then just eating vegan. He wants you to not use any oils at all. Not even olive oil. He has cut all the fat out.
   I want to see if I can eat more veggies, fruits, and grains. Meat is going to become more expensive in the very near future, dairy too. Because of the midwest drought, the price of anything that comes from corn is going to go UP. So maybe learning to eat less meat and dairy is not a bad thing. I do not think I would give up eggs. We will be walking more because of the price of gas too. I hope it is not a harsh winter.
 Just something to ponder. This woman obviously turned her life around. I want some of that! I want to give up insulin and live healthier. I have four other people that I need to convince that this would be a good thing too. That will never happen. I think I could really go vegetarian, eat some eggs, soy based *dairy* and do not worry if something I am using is not vegan like the bread or whatever. I do not want to be a Nazi about it.  This could stick, or not. I have a freezer FULL of meat. And my ass is not throwing it away, giving it away, or donating it. So we shall see.

  If it does not rain later today, we are going to the beach for a nice soak and swim. Water feels good and there are not any jelly fish out there to worry about.
Get some nice summer exercise in!
*praying for no thunderstorms*

Erma was my hero

*265*

 If you have no idea who Erma Bombeck is you can read about her at the Erma Museum.org. She wrote books and newspaper columns about marriage, motherhood and being a woman. I read all the books she had written and she let me learn how to get over myself when it came to having perfection. There is no such thing as perfection when it comes to kids, animals, school, husbands, housework, and all the other bullshit we put up with. She made me feel like I was wasnt such a failure at this whole mommy and housewife gig. I have been trying to aspire to her philosophy on life ever since.
 Now back to cleaning the icky kitchen and NO..I havent captured the damn centipede yet. It is being sneaky.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the "good" living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather rambling about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted
in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television, and more
while watching life.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick, instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment, realizing that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's" and more "I'm sorry's"

. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute . . .
look at it and really see it . . . and never give it back.”
― Erma Bombeck

Photos for August

1. Outside

*265*

  A friend from Australia (Thanks Linda) showed a link to Photo A Day and how she was going to do it for the month of August. I guess people have been doing it for months. It got me interested and I am have been doing it. Now I got in on the tale end of the year but that is okay. It gives me a small purpose every day. I put them all on my phone calendar, then it reminds me that I need to take a particular picture and post it on my Facebook.  This one up top is the first one of the month.
 If you want to do it, go for it. You get to think a bit creatively on what your thing is going to be that day.

  It is another hot and humid one today. I am feeling like crap. CRAP! I think it is because I over did it in THIS heat and I need to relax. Maybe I will read a book. Maybe I will watch some more of season 1 of Supernatural. I have no idea.
Try to stay cool and hope for a breeze!

On the road again.

Major typos in this but it is still good thinking

*265*

 I have lost another 3 lbs that I have not gained back. So I float in the 265 range up and down a pound or two. This is good but not good enough. I was told by my shrink that if i exercise and possibly meditate or do yoga, that it will help with my menopausal symptoms. I found a cool website called The Perimenopause Blog. It helped so much with understanding that some of the stuff that is bothering me is perfectly normal. Like the head itching. That is a symptom. She described what i was feeling to a T. I was getting ready to have Fred check my head for lice. That is how bad it itched. Nope. It is the menopause. I need to make an appointment with my dermatologist though. There is a special shampoo with steroids in it that will help make it better. Cause it is driving me insane! A small part of me wants to shave my head, grow my nails, and go to town with the scratching.

  Soooo, I am going to be more serious then I have ever been about trying to lose some weight. Because you gain weight with menopause and I cannot afford to gain anymore. One of my friends has gone back to the gym after a hiatus, I think I should just do it. Fuck my inhibitions. I have lost all the good that I did. I had better muscle control, my back muscles were good. I could walk longer distances. And I felt good. Then I got lazy.
My period is here but it is not that bad. So I plan on going to the gym tomorrow in the morning. It is not supposed to be as oppressive as it is today. One of my goals is to go to 255 by September 1st. That will probably not happen but it would be something nice if it did. Wouldnt that be nice? Another 10 lbs down. Baby steps. I want that goal of 210 to happen one day.

Good News! Fred got back his test and it came back negative.  They still do not know what is wrong so he will have to get a follow up visit. That was a big sigh of relief after waiting three weeks for the results. I do not want to lose him just yet. I have been trying to get him to go back to the gym also. One of  his Drs told him that it would be good for his migraine/dizziness if he got regular exercise. If anyone has any ideas on how I can get him to go, let me know.

Hot one today so I am not going to cook the country pork ribs that I bought yesterday. I do not like them in the crockpot. I usually cook them in the oven covered in foil then put them on the grill for char and sauce. Too fucking hot for the oven. I am already insane because I promised I would make sheppards pie for dinner tonight. That requires about 15 minutes of oven time. I am not eating the potatoes. I try to avoid them unless I am a raving hormonal lunatic and I want Lay`s potato chips now. Otherwise, I do not eat them.
So I will probably make myself something else with the hamburger. Ho Hum.
Oh yeah, that low carb way of eating is never going to happen with all the people in the house. Unless everyone does it, there is too much temptation. Bread is always around. Pasta and rice are part of meals every day around here. I couldnt do it. So I am staying away from the whites and most definitely potatoes.

I am off. Laundry is calling.

Centipede under the Stove

*265*


  I wish washing dishes made my hands silky soft.  Quite the opposite I am afraid. I am the lotion queen around here lately.
   It is in the 80s right now with a dew point of 75. It is going to get hotter. My ass is staying in the house and doing some housework. Fred just came in for a bit from being out. The whole midsection of his shirt is wet with sweat. Yuck! Love you to bits but do NOT touch me. hehehe
  Anyway...Raymond and the girls tell me that there is a centipede that hides under the stove. They say it is not HUGE. The cats like to sit in there and stare under the stove. I need to rectify that situation. I am not going to be cooking and have some hairy legged beast crawl on me. So I am going to do my some of my Fall clean a little early. In the Fall and in the Spring, I pull out the stove and the microwave cart and wash the floors and walls behind them. Fred helps me with the fridge at another time because I cannot do that on my own. I hope..HOPE it does not crawl on me. I will stomp on it as hard and as fast as I can. I hate centipedes just as bad as I hate cockroaches (lived with them back in the day).
 So today is going to be a kitchen cleaning day. And a towel washing day.
  Yesterday, I finally got my period after it being 6 freaking days late. I was such hormone infested mean monster it was unreal. And I could not control myself sometimes. I got my period and poof! it was gone. It was a hot and humid one yesterday so it just came over me that we all needed to pile in the Jeep and go to the beach for an afternoon/evening swim. Fred did not join us this time but he said the next time, he definitely will.  We were not alone on the beach at all. Full house. The water was gorgeous and cool. No jelly fish and just a small amount of seaweed. It was great! We stayed from 5pm-6:30pm. We started to see moon jellies and decided it was time to go. I think we all slept good last night from that.
That means I am washing laundry today also. Sweating while I work! The old fashioned way to lose weight.
Let`s hope it is a tiny centipede and it does not have any relatives.
Wish me luck.

Sister, can you spare a hormone?

*265*
 Perimenopause!
 It sneaks up on you slowly. You do not realize it is creeping up on you until it is fully in your face.
 I have not had any blood work done to check my hormone levels so I am not completely positive that is what is going on, so do not quote me.  I have been having a troubling symptom that popped up in the past couple months. I will sometimes wake up in the middle of the night with a panic attack. Not a fully fledged one with hyperventilation (thank goodness) but just the feeling that something really bad is going to happen. The first time it happened was awful. I did not know what to think of it. Then it would ruin my sleep for the next couple days. I would be fine and then it would happen again the next month.  I asked my shrink about it last week. She told me that it happens when women my age venture into to early menopause. I did not put two and two together that it was hormonal related until it happened last night. My period is 4 days late. So I am a PMSy mess.
There are a ton of weird symptoms that I have been dealing with this past year that I thought were just par for the course that is my life.
 Nope!
 Perimenopause!
 I have the list to share.

Leg cramps!
 I have been suffering like a motherfucker lately. I just chalked it up to my nervous system from the back surgery and/or the diabetes.
 I have found a damn liver spot on my face! I could go on but I will not. :*smile*
Now you might think I am freaked out about this. I am not in general. I just do not like the panic attacks waking me up. I never suffered my entire life and now I am having them wake me up at night. Not cool. Shrink told me to take an extra pill at night and get some exercise and/or meditation. Cut down on the caffeine and carbs in the evening. Getting the hysterectomy is not going to make a difference in my hormones. I will have a talk with my gyno and see if there is something he can give me if the symptoms get too bad. Right now I am not ready to go the HRT route but I will if I have to.

Natalie and I were going to go to the gym today but because I did not sleep at all, I cancelled until tomorrow morning. Fred came to bed late, turned off the tv, and I instantly woke up like someone had punched me in the gut. I knew exactly what I was feeling and I was not going to lay back down until I went downstairs and got rid of it. I grabbed the dogs, went downstairs,  took an Ativan, fluffed the couch cushions,  put on the tv and ate a Klondike bar. Within a half hour, the feelings of dread passed. Then I was in full insomnia mode. I watched Three`s Company. I realized two things. That I only like the shows with Chrissy in them and that was one jiggly show! I watched that show as a kid and had no idea. I was able to pass out for 3 hours. I will take a nap later.
I can totally empathize with those that deal with panic attacks on a regular now. I never could because I never had one.
Sucks being a woman sometimes.