Evil Birthday cake of DOOM!

*248*

 I said I was going to stick to the plan and I am. I was thinking this morning that my goal for the month of November is to lose 20 lbs. That will be 40lbs total since I started this. I am not going to beat myself up if I eat something that I should not but I will work very very hard to not eat them. If that makes any sense. Today is going to be hard. I did well. Shake for breakfast, salad and soup for lunch, almonds for a snack....then dinner. Dinner is going to be an issue with me. We are having broasted chicken, with garlic mashed potatoes, baked beans, and coleslaw. Oh and a big birthday cake. Today is kid number 2`s birthday. That is like five things I should not eat. I could probably get away with eating the chicken. I will just make a big salad and I have some collard greens left over from the weekend.. But the cake. I have a carrot cake cooking in the oven right now and I am going to make cream cheese frosting.
  I will be strong willed and determined to do what I got to do. I have tweaked my calorie intake per day and I am going to go to the gym three times a week.  I just need to stay away from the yummy sugary carrot cake!

Multiple jagged little pills

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 I decided that I needed to really look at the amount of pills I have to take a day. This does not represent all because I have a probiotic that I will start taking tomorrow AND my two insulin. Yeah, that is alot. I am posting this picture because I am an asshole. I ate whatever I wanted this weekend. I did so fully knowing what the outcome would be. I had to dose myself multiple times with insulin, I feel like crap, I am gassy, and I woke up with mega liver pain.
 ASSHOLE!
  The kid`s boyfriend came to stay for the weekend. I bought crap for them all to eat and then I proceeded to eat it. Bacon. Bread. Rice. Potato Chips. Ice fucking cream. WTF Heidi...WTF!
 Today is a new day and I am not going to do that anymore. I have to make a birthday cake for the kid. She turns 20 on Monday. I have not decided if I am going to eat any or not. Not after the debauched weekend of eating I have had. I feel like crap on the inside and I am an asshole for doing this to myself. I am trying to heal and I go and eat all that. I am done. Really. This has taught me a valuable lesson. Only takes two days of eating to bring me right back to where I was before.

Here is my dry assed tattoo. I have not put lotion on it yet today and the cap to the acorn is still healing. So it looks like shit. But I forgot to share before so here it is. My finger moustache touch up is healing well also. I am hoping when the scabs fall off that I have an even tat. If not, I am done with trying to fix it. It is what it is.
 We got a new to us washer and dryer this weekend. I am in the midst of washing clothes that have been sitting in limbo since the machine died. We would take all of our everyday clothes to the laundramat but I have two...no three large laundry bins full of wintery clothes that need to be cleaned. I also have leaves to rake and bag. We still have not painted. I think the whole teamwork thing is a crock of shit and I am going to be stuck doing this. I have to groom the dog too.
Ugh!
 So yeah...I am a bit stretched thin and I ate things that I shouldnt have. I am in pain and I deserve it. Healthy eating has commenced and I will stick with that shit!

The old girl is a-okay

*248*

   I had the scope of my bladder. No cancer, cysts, tumors, or stones. I have over active bladder. He thinks my new way of eating has helped aggravate what was already there but not as intense. I am on two pills for it. The more weight I lose, the better it will get.
Yay for not having anything scary!
 I do not announce that I go to the gym. I go and that is a part of my life. Not looking for high fives cause I put my work out gear on. But I wanted to share some milestones. I can do 15 minutes on the elliptical machine now. I can do 30 on the treadmill. And I can do 20 on the stair climber. I tried this thing today. It is called an Ab Glider. The one at our gym does not look like this (older version) but it does the same thing. It always scared me because I thought I was too fat for it. My stomach muscles were not strong enough and I would get stuck on it. My friend, A told me to JUST DO IT. She was there for moral support and to help me off if I got stuck. I could do it. Not alot but I could get on it and get off it with no problems. This is going to be part of my routine now. I can tell by looking in the mirror that I have started to get leaner. I am building muscle. This is one part of the reason why the scale is not moving. I fell off the carb wagon a few times but I am back on track. Started on Sunday and have been doing well ever since. I am allowing myself to have short transgressions but I will not gain the weight back. I refuse to go backward. I said that I was NOT going to have that gastric bypass surgery and I mean it.
 I would rather do it the hard way but sweating my ass off and eating healthy. That way it will be harder for me to fall back into my old habits.
 My ass will never look like the chick in the picture. That is too much work and I have too much extra skin but I can dream!

Acorn Tattoo

*248*

  I took the kid to get her birthday tattoo yesterday. While she was at it, we both got matching tattoos of an acorn. Now the picture i took of it sucks ass..so I will get a better picture of it later and put it in my next post. It is the size of a real acorn and he touched up my finger moustache.
 
 I just finished bagging up all the magazines to go to the hospital. Then I need to make vegan cupcakes for a friend. Going to run to co-op to get castor sugar. I want to start the trim this week..yes we have not painted a damn thing. So much going on and I have not been feeling well. Feeling nauseated and in pain. Sometimes I think it is my liver other times I think it might be my kidneys. I see the urologist on Wednesday. I threw up on Friday evening. I felt so green. I threw up everything. I do not think it was food poisoning because I felt better after I did it but my liver hurt before and after. So I think that had something to do with it. I did not have anything greasy.
Oh well. Life goes on.

I am here. Just not all together with it. I figured I would post so you all that read it know I am still here. I am still going to the gym. I just do not announce it. I think the gym is part of your routine in life...why announce it the world or Facebook?  I think those that announce they are at the gym on a regular basis are just wanting some validation. I showed two pictures when I started in the beginning. That was it. So people that KNOW me know that I am going. Everyone else has no clue. I am getting stronger in the legs, I can walk farther without huffing and puffing, and my gut and boobs are shrinking. I wish the fat in my face would disappear. That would be nice. All in do time.

Time to get moving. It is noon and I am still in my jammies. Have a nice Sunday!

Columbus weekend paint-a-thon

*248*

  In this part of the sticks, we *celebrate* Columbus Day which in turn means a three day weekend for some people. Hubs has that three day weekend. He decided that we are going to paint the living room. Yay (trying to be enthusiastic)!!
  He vetoed the grey and we are painting it Behr Cactus garden green with a cream white trim. All the supplies for painting were bought yesterday. I even started a bit of the prep work but I was so exhausted from the week that I did not get alot done. I made a small dent. We have three days to accomplish much. We even bought a tarp! I would like to get out of here for a little bit so that I can get some food shopping done. I did not do it on Friday. After I finish on this, I will bolt to get that done. I must be present for the painting party. A party of two. Sad. The girls will not be participating.
 This week I went in for my bladder/kidney ultrasound. It went well. I do not know the results. I have to go back in two Wednesdays to have the scope done of the inside of the bladder. Not looking forward to it but a girl`s gotta do what she gotta do to get herself healthy. Next Wednesday I see my gastro to show him my progress and to find out about a pro biotic.
 Other then that, Fall is here and it is gorgeous outside. I have some pumpkins and mums as decoration. I think I am done with the major Halloween decorating that I used to do. It will be put back up with there are grandkids around to enjoy it.

 Okay, the crows are telling me that it is time to get my butt in gear. Have a great long weekend!

That`s the way it is done

*250*

Oh yeah baby! 25 lbs down. I had to get back in the groove. I had been a little lax in my eating. I was still eating well but I had some moments of eating things that I shouldn't or more that I should have. I stepped it up these past few days and got to 250. Next will be in the 40s. Yes!!
I have decided that for now, I can only do the gym 3 days a week. Any more than that and I am so dead dog tired.
 I am happy!

Level 1 hoarding must stop!

*251*

  I went downstairs to take the strawberries out of the freezer to make jam this weekend. I realized something. It is October 5 and I have NOT brought up any of my Halloween decorations yet. Not a one.
Is this because the kids are grown?

New way of eating getting in way of Halloween?
No and No.
   It is my cluttered basement. Two events made it the way it is right now. We had a big rain event in the Spring and we had to move all the boxes and tools out of the sump pump area because of the water. They were never moved back. And the washer shit the bed. We have a HUGE pile of seasonal clothes at the bottom of the stairs that need to be gone through and washed. It is things like this that need teamwork but I do not get that. It falls on my shoulders and I bitch about the lack of help and then I get half assed workers. What can I say? We are going to be doing some work around the house. I want a junk run done very soon. I want to toss anything that is broken, never used, taking up space, and has to just go. Old bikes, broken furniture, huge fucking tv sets, ripped up love seat on the patio...the list goes on and on.
 I do not even want to talk about the yard work. I have put a small dent in cutting down the dead or dying plants. I know I could just leave them to rot over the winter, that that is not my style. I will cut down as much as I can in the front of the house and fuck the rest. I am still in a cunty mood because of how I feel. I am exhausted. Having issues with the CPAP. I will make that call to the Dr office on Monday to see if they can figure out a way that I will stop freaking out in my sleep over the pressure.

 On a positive note, it has cooled off a bit today. I am going to open some windows and clean. We did laundry late yesterday and I need to go through all my clothing. Those that are too big, get bagged. The rest get put away and then I have to store my summer stuff too. Big task. That needs to be done so that I am not frustrated looking for stuff all the time. Then I am going to roast whole chicken breasts for dinner with sweet potatoes and green beans.
I am going to make it a good day. I will not obsess about the clutter in the basement....yet. It will need to be tackled soon because we will be purchasing new washer and dryer sometime this month. I cannot wait!!

I did put up my Halloween flag on the porch. That should account for something.

Fall Cleaning sucks major

*251*

ASS!

  Especially when you have to do it all by yourself. The cold bug has hit the house and everyone except for moi has been suffering. They have had plenty of days to get over it. I am stuck doing everything else by myself. It is like the ways of the damn world. You push a human out of your vag or have them cut out of your stomach, or you sign paperwork to declare them yours forever AND you get stuck picking up their shit for eternity.
  I have been in a funk the past few days. I thought I had a urinary tract infection. I took some cipro but it did not work. So the Dr sent me to have a culture done. Two day and a 24 hour one. Both showed no infection. But I am having issues that include pain and multiple trips to the loo. That is all I am saying on that.  Since there is not infection, than something is wrong. I see a urologist next week. Can`t a girl get a fucking break?
I binged
 I can say that the foods I binged on were all low fat, or sugar free, and healthy. I just over did it. For two days. I feel like a fucking whale. (yeah yeah. I can hear you two bitches saying I am a whale anyhow. Fuck you deuces). I am happy to say that I am back on track today. Breakfast shake, salad and tuna, and I am gonna have salad and tilapia for dinner. Thursdays are not a gym day so I did stuff around the house. It is time to start cleaning up for shutting up the house for winter. Plus we are going to start painting walls very soon. In the next week or two. So I want to get shit done.

  I am tired. I am sick. And I am mad up to ^^ here with getting no help. See the running theme of this blog? One of the subjects is how I have a houseful of adults but none of them do anything to keep said house clean. Wash some damn dishes. Pick up the living room. Clean the bathroom that you turn into a swamp to two days flat. ANYTHING WOULD BE APPRECIATED!
Nope. Cannot be done. Must watch Hulu and Netflix instead. Must be on the computer. Must be on the phone.
  I have seriously gotten to the end of my tether. I realize I do need to find a new therapist. It has been almost six months and I have had no anchor to talk to about shit. Mine was laid off so I must find another place to go. Will work on finding one this week/next week.
 That is about all I have to say today. I am just tired of cleaning for others when it does not stay clean and I am in pain.

And I miss Oreos.... :(