Doing it the Old Fashioned Way

*261*

   I had a long discussion with Hubs about two weeks ago about weight loss surgery (wls) and losing weight. My decision is that I am putting the surgery journey on hold, for now. I am giving myself until January 1, 2014 to lose at least 50 lbs. If I can do that or come really close to that, I will not have the surgery. I will continue on the path of healthy living as I am doing. If I fail by that date, then I will go to a wls seminar and start the ball rolling for the surgery. I do not want to rush into something. So far, I am doing pretty damn good. The pain in my side has gotten better. I am eating so healthy it is scary to me. I have given up so much this past month and I am still here. I did not die or wither away into a pool of whining tears. Okay, I did whine quite a bit but it is getting better. :)

    I feel the surgery is a great tool for those that cannot lose weight on their own. I have many friends that have had successful surgeries, lost weight, and kept the majority of the weight off. I also know there are people out there that have the surgery, go thru all that pain and change to only go right back to eating badly and not exercising. Too many people have gained the weight back. And you only get one stomach surgery! They cannot go back in and tighten it back up because you love pretzels so fucking much. With that being said, I am going to put a hold on the wls. I did not go to the seminar.

   I do not think I am willing to give up the future of eating a steak if I want it on my birthday. (or any foods for that matter).  I thought I did, but I realized that I would be lying to myself. I have to do it this way. I put the pounds on! I can take them off! I have given up steak and roasts (both pork and beef), I have given up chicken skin. Eventually I will give up ground beef because I eat so very little of it now. I used to eat beef at least 3 times a week. It is now down to once every two weeks. I have been using ground pork. It is lean, cheap, and tasty. Chicken and Fish are my go too proteins. I also eat eggs but sparingly. I have realized that I truly have to give up all dairy. I still have some low fat cottage cheese and yogurt in the fridge. I will finish those this week.  I am going to have to use vegan versions to satisfy me when i am in the mood. I found some noodles at the Asian market that have a low carb load so on occasion I can have that. I also have some brown rice to try. I want to add these back into my diet but only in small amounts. Like when I make soups. I cannot have potato so having some of those noodles in a seafood soup with make me happy.

 Some friends have told me that I should just become a Vegan. I am pretty close to it except for my love of the chicken egg. Too much change going on right now. I am willing to MAYBE become a vegetarian but that is in the future. Not yet.  I am posting a second post today because I realized that I never told you about my decision. You were probably wondering why I had not mentioned what happened at the seminar and why I was not talking about it. This is why.
I am feeling healthier, I am stronger then I was before when I started this and I just feel different. And after eating that ONE PIECE OF FRIED SQUID that gave me the shits from hell, I know that I am doing the right thing.

End of Summer 2013

*261*

  Today is the last day of August and Labor day weekend. The garden is starting to wind down a bit early this year or maybe I am just thinking that. I have really neglected the community beds this year. The growing season took so long to get started that I probably have rotting tomatoes on the vine, which is a crime in my eyes. I am going to go there today and pick what I can. Maybe next weekend when I feel up to it, I will just clean out the whole bed, dig up my strawberry plants and call it. I am not going to do the beds anymore. I just do not have it in me to keep going there. I will have beds made here at the house.
 I went to the GP yesterday. He says that I do not have high blood pressure (yay!) and I told him about my new way of eating. On his scale yesterday it said I have lost 10 lbs since last month. He tells me to keep doing what I am doing. He said that 1400 calories is plenty. I wonder if I should eat less but I do not want to limit myself since I am already so limited in my food choices as it is. I am doing good. I had a couple missteps that I am okay with. Except for yesterday. Oy. I can eat at the Chinese buffet here because at dinner they serve seafood and really good seafood. Like blue crab legs, alaskan crab legs, whole clams, crawfish, etc. I am in heaven and it only costs me about $12. I made the mistake of eating ONE fried squid circle. I love squid. Apparently, fried squid does not like me. I will just say that I spent alot of time in the bathroom that evening. Hubs and I both said that fried food is a wrap for me and my gut.
 Right now I have been doing an easy lap around the neighborhood and we have been doing housecleaning for the prep of painting soon. So that is exercise in itself. I am going to wait to sign up for the gym until I can sign up the family too. They want to come back into the exercise fold. I hope they do utilize it this time as well as I.  I am having another itchy day today. Not in the best of moods. I need to talk directly to my gastro to find out if this is truly related to my liver or not. His nurse practitioner told me it was not. Then I will have to assume that is hormonal and I will be taking benadryl for a very long time.
 Last but not least, I think I have to now give up coffee. I have an aversion to it. I want it so badly but I get one or two sips in and I just do not want it. At first I thought it was because of the cream and that fat it contains and how that effects my liver. I have some Coconut milk coffee creamer that seems to be doing the trick. It is totally dairy free. But we will see................ I have not demolished my cup of coffee so this could mean that the coffee is not good for me either.

Damn! Damn! Damn!

Stick with the plan, man

*264* <---10 lbs down

   I have been busy working on this new way of eating and it is working ya`ll. I think the way the Dr spoke to me and told me what was going on made something click.
 It has been over 10 days. I have been eating strictly low carb low fat. I have tested the fat waters once or twice to see. I KNOW that the fats hurt my liver and I will refrain from over indulging. You can never cut fats out of your life because you need them to survive. But it is low fat eaten sparingly. Fish, seafood, chicken, turkey, eggs and I had some lean ground pork yesterday. Any vegetable you can think of cooked or raw, fruits, hummus, almonds. I drink a whey protein shake with almond milk for breakfast. I have snacks of raw vegs, fruits, low fat yogurt and cottage cheese, hard boiled eggs, and nuts.
  I have moments when I whine about it because I crave certain things. But I do not eat it. I only eat what is healthy for me and will heal my liver. I am taking supplements to help me along the way also. I just cannot explain it. I am strong enough to say NO to all these foods. Plus I am enjoying the food that I am eating. I was going to join the gym today but I had a couple bills to pay and I did not have the extra cash to sign up this week. I will sign up next week most definitely.  I need to start moving so that I can lose weight faster.
 My insulin is the lowest dosage since I first starting taking it. I used have take 35 units of Lantus a night...now it is 13. I used to shoot up with Humolog every time I ate. I only need to take a little in the morning. The only diabetes pill I am taking is Metformin.

  I feel better on the inside. And the pain in my gut is being managed. I think I have figured it out.

Your liver is so fat...

No more for YOU, girlfriend

*271*

  Met the new Gastro today. Hubs went with me for moral support. I just did not want to go and have someone tell me nothing. He did not do that. He was straight forward and funny at the same time. He knew exactly what was wrong with me. I have a fatty liver.  Now, I was told that by the other gastro months and months ago but he downgraded it as not a big deal. Guess what? Major big deal. When you are having pain in your liver, that is not a good thing at all.
  He agreed that I needed to go to the weight loss seminar next week. It would be for my benefit. I have a list as long as my arm of things I cannot eat. I found something online that looks just like he told me here. If you go down to the section where it says a few tips, then you will know what I am up against. Short version...Low carb (no whites), Low fat, and every other day my meals must consist of fish and salad. That is it.  No coffee. Low fat dairy sparingly.
 NO BACON!
  The list goes on and I do not want to rehash it. If I do not work on fixing this, I could end up damaging my liver. My liver! So I started today and for dinner I had salad with red wine vinegar and two small pieces of flounder that was baked with no butter or oil. He told me that I need to lose at least 40 lbs to start off but I am going to probably have the WLS so even better. There is no cure. You can just hope by changing your lifestyle that you will reverse it or help heal it.
MY FUCKING LIVER!
  Not only has my whole way of living up until this point been dumped on the floor but I have to worry that I am killing my liver with my food choices. NO MORE COFFEE! <---I am going to have to slowly work on that. I do not want to deal with having headaches and withdrawls.

 So yeah. For those that are keeping a sad score. I have type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, sleep apea, reflux, and now fatty liver. I am definite candidate for the surgery. I am just going to do it. DO IT!
 I will learn now how to live on less food so when the time comes, it wont be so horrid.

 You are all up to date. You will either cheer me on, pity me, or be a total bitch like I know two of you can be and cackle like the skank bitches that you are.

Tomato Heaven!

*270*

   I was gifted that small bowl of tomatoes from a friend. She only had one plant but it was growing tomatoes like crazy. Then I contacted a local farm stand and they picked me all these green tomatoes for $10. There are at least 25 of them and there are some really big ones. We had tasty fried green tomatoes last night with our dinner. There were three left overs. I heated them up this afternoon and had them with my noodle lunch. Really tangy and good.
   I slice them on the thick side. Make sure they are not red at all or they will be too mushy to fry. I dip them in an egg wash of egg, milk, and hot sauce. Then I dip them in flour seasoned with salt and pepper, then back in the egg wash, and then I coat them in corn meal. I let them sit for a minute or two before I put them in the hot oil. I cook them until both sides are golden. We do not put anything on them. They are good..as is. Tonight I have two kinds of local corn on the cob to steam. There is Silver Queen and Butter and Sugar corn. I had also picked up some white skinned peaches while I was there. Those are the best. If you can get hold of them, give them a try. They are only in season for a short time before Fall hits.

   I ended up at the ED on Thursday evening. I was there for about four hours. I talked to Fred`s friend who is a nurse practitioner. I had sent him off with a paper of my symptoms for her to read and give her opinion. She most definitely thinks I am suffering from pancreatitis. She was thinking that I was in the chronic phase but that since it was getting worse, I needed to be seen. She found out later on from talking to the ADN that night, that those working on me thought it was pancreatitis. Guess what?
Supposedly I am fine. Scans are fine and enzymes of all the organs are fine.  You can push on my upper gut and you can see that it hurts me but everything is fine. He says that the only things that came up were I had a right ovarian cyst and the beginnings of a UTI (which he gave me an antibiotic for) but those would not give me the pain up where it is. He gave me a pill for stomach spasms that is used for people with IBS. It is an awful pill. I took it and within an hour, I was in bed sleeping. It only worked for the 1 hour that I slept and I was back feeling awful again. Oh well. Cant get those four hours back. I see the new gastro on Tuesday. I need to fill out a ton of paperwork too. 
  For a moment in time, I thought I was crazy. But the ED Dr said that there is something wrong, we just do not know what it is. He felt bad. They were ready to admit me but then the results came back. They had to send me home as I came. Still in pain with no answers.

  Yesterday Fred cleaned the entire fridge from top to bottom. It had to be defrosted. I must have spilled some water when I was putting fresh ice cube trays in and it plugged the drainage hole in the freezer. So it had to be shut off and cleaned. It is perfectly perfect now. I went shopping and cooked dinner. This morning, He took down all of my collection of canning jars and vintage bottles to be washed. He will put back up after I am done. I appreciate him so much. My payment is again a big hearty dinner.
 Basically that is it. Boring life in New England. Surprised you havent fallen asleep yet.  I feel like I might after eating my noodle lunch and tomatoes.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I feel like poop

*270*

   It started yesterday. Everything that I eat gives me pain and then I am nauseated all damn day. Even a Edy`s strawberry ice pop (the kind with the strawberries in it) made me want to vomit. I called my regular dr office, left a message. They called right back and said that I am on the list to be called by the new gastro office today. I hope they do not make me wait a long time to be seen. Today would be nice. I will need to take a shower first but I could definitely go today.
I came thisclose to going to the ER last night. I was waiting for the excruciating pain that would signal *your ass really needs to be seen* but it never came. Just an entire day of being uncomfortable and sick. Same as today. I think I will stick with dry toast for the rest of the day.

I cannot figure out why my blogger will not let me put this picture under the text over there so I am just gonna leave it cause at this point, I do not give a fuck. That is one of my first (at home) cucumbers. There are a bunch of little ones growing but this is the first biggun. Isnt she cute? I have a couple in the fridge from the community garden that are way too big. We are kind of neglecting that space. We go and check but not on a regular. I think this is my last year there. I will dig up my strawberry plants from the bed, bring the home to transplant and that will be that. I just do not have reason to drive all the way over there. I want to garden at home instead. Plus the community garden is overrun by bugs that I cannot fight because we cannot use pesticides (glad about that) and there are just TOO many.

  Okay, I am getting off here now. I am going to take an Advil or three and go lay down on the couch.
FUCK!

Feels like Autumn with a side of hot flashes

Her bangs will be painfully short!

*270*

  I do not remember if I said this before but I got a cut and color. The youngest cut off all the pink from the ombre that we did a couple months ago. The bleach really damaged about 4 inches of hair. I will remember not to ever do THAT again. The new cut is just past my shoulders. And I colored the whole thing dark walnut. I have to touch up the roots on the bleach that I have in the front. I am keeping that for a little while. I like it. It holds the wave in my hair again. I do not know if I will ever grow my hair down to my waist again but for now, shorter feels better.
  It is a cool one this morning but I am sitting in front of a fan with a tank top on. I was profusely sweating so I figured one of two things: I have a fever or menopause. My temp was 97.3.
I went to see the surgeon yesterday about the 2nd opinion. He said the same thing that the 1st surgeon and the my gastro has said. I do not have gallstones and the gallbladder is perfectly healthy. He did say that it could possibly be my pancreas but I need to go back to my gastro to find out about that. Then he said I should have a full work up...upper endoscopy, colonoscopy, cat scans, etc. I said I already did.
So for those keeping score..It is not diverticulitis, not my gallbladder, not my reproductive, and not my kidneys or liver. I have been referred to another gastro because mine is an asshat.  I fear that they will never figure it out and I will just have this pain for the rest of my life. My guess is that I will be told I have IBS (no kidding) and that I will just have to live with this pain forever. I think I am just tired of fighting. It has been almost a year of this. I will just keep it in the back of my mind and if anything comes from this, I will update.
It will not stop me from my goal of losing this fat.
  I am signed up for the seminar for the gastric bypass this month. I told my best friend about it. She is supportive and is a bit jealous. She wishes she had insurance because she would get it too. I wish she could get it too. We could have bingo wings together! Oh well. Fred will go with me, we will find out about it, and then I will proceed with caution. Baby steps. I heard that it can take months before you even get the surgery. She has a friend that had it last year. It was six months before she had her surgery. I am thinking that since I have already had upper endoscopy and such, they might use that since it is new. But we shall see.

I have some good news. My vitals were checked at the surgeon`s office and my blood pressure was back to it`s normal lower range. I guess I was just stressed from all that has been going on. I would love to lose the stress but that would require me to lose the pain.
  Gonna wash the dogs and clean the house. I have plants to water outside and I was thinking of baking some cookies. We shall see about that though. The hot flashes from earlier might come back and I do not like to freaking sweat.

Hulu Plus kind of Saturday

I need to magnify so I can read the recipe.

*270* <---according to Dr`s scale

   Doesn't that cake look nice? I was looking for a old photo of egg salad because that is what I had for lunch. I stumbled onto to this and wanted to share. I love old recipes. Old recipes are how I learned to cook as a child. I still have my Mother`s 1940s Betty Crocker cookbook. Just cause I posted a cake does not mean I am going to make one. It just gave me a nice memory of being young and baking for my family.
  Today it is rainy and cool. Hubs is working. We are going to watch Bones on Hulu Plus to catch up before September. I am going to color my hair (which the child number 2 cut past my shoulders this week) and make buffalo chicken dip for dinner. I have been told that it tastes really good if I use the ranch dressing/Blue cheese crumble combo. I am also using a rotisserie chicken instead of canned.

    I have been busy and my mind/body have been occupied lately and I totally spaced on posting. I try to do it at least once a week because it is good for me. I get shit out so that I can read it back later to get some perspective on whatever I am talking about.  My gut is still bothering me and it has intensified. I see another surgeon on Monday...let me back track.
 I went to see my GP about two weeks ago because I could not take the pain anymore. He set me up with seeing another surgeon to get a second opinion on my scans. He also took me off my Januvia because he said it can cause pancreatitis. Stopping the pill did not stop the pain. It is more. Not excruciating at all but enough that it is getting to the point that I just cannot take it anymore. Now I am dealing with being itchy all the time and being nauseated. I have not barfed but it has come close to me going for it. It doesn't matter what I eat..I feel like shit. Those of you that know me know that does not stop me from my normal everyday life. I just suck it up buttercup.
  I saw my GP this week. He is glad to hear that I am seeing the 2nd opinion on Monday afternoon. If this surgeon says yes, it is my gallbladder..I will have the 1st surgeon here that is local to me do it. He is a great surgeon and I would rather have him do it. I told the Dr about my run around with the Gastro and how he told me my pain was skeletal or muscular. My Gp made a face and said No, he is wrong. After we figure out what is wrong, he is going to refer me to a different Gastro dr. New perspective on the situation.
  I asked about finding out about getting gastric bypass. He did not tell me I was not ready for it this time. He feels I am ready to find out about it and make some hard decisions. I had told him that with all that is wrong with me, so far I do not have high blood pressure or kidney involvement. I want to nip this shit in the bud. Guess what? He said my blood pressure was a bit high. He said I needed to go on a pill to protect my kidneys. I let out a defeated sigh. He suggested that I come back in a month. If it is still high, I need medication.
That is it. I have every single thing that could possibly kill me and I am fat and 44. More reason for the surgery. I have tried. Maybe not as hard as SOME of you may think but I have tried for myself. This afternoon I had egg salad sans bread with veggies for lunch. The fat in the eggs are going to kill my gut but this is what I wanted and it is low carb.

How can I eat  low carb (for diabetes), low fat (for my gut), and low sodium (for hbp)? 

 If I have the surgery I will knock out the diabetes, the hbp, the cholesterol, the sleep apnea, and the reflux. I will lose weight and I will be able to walk long distance again. I will probably have bingo wings and stomach flap but I will be in the 100s instead of painfully close to the 300s.

I was going to make this an extra long post and talk about the garden and such but the egg salad is starting to make me sick. I need to lay down with my bottle of water and watch mindless tv.
I hope you all have a great weekend. I will make a post tomorrow about the other stuff I was going to talk about. Or I will completely forget. Dealers choice!
:)