Juicy Juice

Apple, Strawberry, and Spinach

*254*

 I broke out the Ninja blender yesterday. It is very intimidating at first but I had to get over that. It is a big piece of kitchen machinery. It revs up like a jet engine. It scared man and beast the first time I turned it on. I made mango margaritas for the first go round.

Mango Margaritas
1 lb bag of frozen mangoes
1 tray of ice cubes
5 oz tequila
3 oz triple sec
2 T of white sugar

Blend baby Blend!
Really fucking good. Oh yeah. I got over the fear of the big machine that has suction cups on the base to keep it tethered to the counter. This morning I made a juice/smoothie. The apples gave it the texture of a smoothie but it was oh so good.
2 apples, 5 strawberries, a handful of baby spinach and a cup of tap water. Whizzzzz! No added sugar needed. It was delicious. I had that will a hard boiled egg for my lunch.
 I am glad that I purchased this machine. Our regular blender was not doing the job that I needed and we could never afford a Vitamix. This is going to give me more healthier options in the coming months. I cannot wait to make nut butters.

 I am on day 3. It is driving me a tad nutty without all those foods I am addicted to but that is ok. I have done this before..I can do it again. Just takes me a couple weeks and I wont feel like eating the wallpaper.
Have a happy Sunday!

OMG!! Christmas 2013

It is shameful to brag but I don't care.

*255*

 OMG!!!! The man gave me a Coach bag for my pressie! COACH! I also received a couple Alex and Ani bangles and much needed comfy slippers. I am good. I am very happy.
  On another note, my child was happy until she tried on one of her gifts. It did not fit. To be honest, it came from England so that could explain the size difference but she didnt  care. She was fully upset and I had to fix it.
Not only do I need to change my lifestyle for ME but for those around me. If the food choices in the house are healthier, than they will become healthy too. I am going to break out my Ninja Ultima Blender today and let the juicing begin.

Merry Christmas to you all. I hope you are having a nice day. I fell asleep last night without my cpap AND was awoken before 6am. My eyes are crossing. LOL
 But I will stay awake cause I have a ham to prep and cook. Then I have to do Patti Labelle`s Over the Rainbow mac and cheese. She has a recipe out there with seafood in the mac but I am not doing that. Just straight shit. I have never done this recipe before but have done one similar with eggs in it. Really good.

Okay..this bitch is tired. Trying to wake up with some Lemon Chiffon tea. You all have a great day!

Christmas Eve 2013

*255*

 I am going to struggle on with the suck ass N and the F that is starting to give me trouble and write a post. I have really learned something. Sometimes you need to be told the honest truth to get a point across. I found out a new friend has the same liver problem that I do. She has lost 200lbs so far. She lost her father to it. He lived an agonizing life towards the end and she felt that she needed to tell me all about it. I needed to hear it. She is going to bring me in pictures of what he looked like healthy and what he looked like in the last two years of his life. I need to see it.
 I have a liver disease that I can reverse with a change in eating (forever) and to be active. If I do not, it will certainly make me miserable for the rest of my days.
 After I had that talk with her yesterday, I have gotten back on track in my mind. I am not eating anything sugary sweet or potato chippy from now on. I will eat ham tomorrow so today I am eating fish and salad for lunch and dinner. My liver has been hurting these past few days so she needs to be healed now.  I have a renewed sense of why I am doing the low carb, low fat, juicing, and exercise. It is not so I will look cute in a dress.. It is so that I can live a pain free life.

That is how I am going to end this post. I have a salad to finish and prep work for tomorrow`s dinner.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Skin care for oldies with dry skin

*255*

  I know I have not been around much and I apologize. It is very frustrating to type when the letter N sticks and you have to make a effort to use it. Or NOT use it. So this is basically the reason why I haven't posted.
 It is snowing today but not as bad as predicted. We stayed in all day. Watched tv, cooked a turkey dinner and vegetated. I wanted to share something kid #1 taught me on Friday. My facial skin has been soooooo dry lately even when I moisturize it. She said I needed to exfoliate. I have been very lax in my feminine upkeep.
 I exfoliated with nutmeg. Yes! The stuff you put in Pumpkin pie. First wash your face with a good natural face soap. Rinse. Pat dry.  You take a teaspoon of nutmeg and mix with some water to make a watery paste. You rub this all over your face and then softly rub your fingers over your face for five minutes. Add more of the mixture if the stuff on your face dries out. Then rinse with water and face cloth. Next step is to mix together one beaten egg with some local honey. Beat it together till combined. You are going to rub this all over your face like a mask. Go sit someplace for 20 minutes while it hardens. Rinse off. Wash your face again with facial soap. Pat dry.
My face felt like a babies butt! Amazing!
Too bad I could not do that to my entire body. Winter is rough on this almost 45 year old.

 I am having a hard time sticking to the food plan. This is cause of all the holiday food stuff around. I want to eat everything. I have not gained but it is only a matter of time!
I broke out my Ninja and I will do a juice of some sort tomorrow. I need to nip this shit in the bud!
Wish me luck! I will try to come back more often regardless of the sticking N.

Freezing Rain blues

*250*

 Ahh! December 1st. 2013 is swiftly coming to a close. We have freezing rain going on out there so I am staying my ass inside the house until it gets warmer. Dark and gloomy for this first day of the month.
 Today I am back on the food wagon. Last night we had pizza as a last hoorah! Big mistake. I feel like shit today. That is my penance for eating it. It took a few tries for me to realize that I cant eat like I used to anymore. NO MORE! Everything will be exactly the same as before. Low carb, low fat, low fat or dairy free, no grease, no junk, no take out, no fast food and all the other stuff that I said no to before. If it is processed, I aint eating it.
 The first week or two will be hard because I will be detoxing and since I am addicted to these things I will have some withdrawl. I did it before, I can do it again.

Computer is a piece of shit. The letter N can be typed by rocking it with my finger. grrr! And the computer is getting slower. We need a replacement. But I am playing chicken with the oldest. She wants me to purchase my Mac now so then she can just take it over and not spend a dime. I want her to buy her own computer first. Then I will buy mine. That way she has NO reason to use the one that I bought.
I can live with this fucking N until the end of my days. <------No I cant but she will cave before me..best believe.
  All these weather ups and downs have been fucking with my sinuses and head. Ugh. Feels like a tension headache but I am guessing it is barometric. My health has been okay. Nothing major. Last month it was 4 years since back surgery and quitting smoking and one year since my mastoidectomy. What a ride that was!
**Now the letter J is giving me troubles. I bought a can of air but it did not help.**

Okay...I need to motor. I have decorating to do and dinner to plan.

Thanksgiving 2013

*250*

 Gobble till you Wobble.
 
First off, I have a issue with the keyboard. The letter *N* is sticking. I have to rock the key to make it work. So if I  missed a word to fix with auto correct, you know why.

  Today is not Turkey day for us in this household. We were invited to a friends for dinner this year but they have to work today. So we eat tomorrow. I am treating today like any other. We are having chicken wings for our holiday meal and it will be good. I probably cannot eat half the stuff on their menu anyway so I am going to enjoy today`s dinner.  I have not been eating correct anyway but I want to at least give it some effort before December 1st when I am back on the wagon,
 I am going to bake peanut butter cookies and lemon bars today. I have my Italian shrimp salad to make and I have two pies from the bakery. One is bourbon pecan for tomorrow and the other is apple crumb for the family here at the house. I do not feel bad that I did not bake. I just did not feel like it.
 My plans for today are simple. I am going to bake and cook low key for us. I am goig to cover the windows in the living room (way past due) and then we are going to decorate the Christmas tree. I think that is an absolutely lovely plan. Don't you?

Gonna go. Hate fiddling with the letter N.  I must start shopping for a new computer soon.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Drowning in a sea of clutter

*250*

 First off we must talk about Doctor Who.
Oh yeah! Two more days until we see some David Tennant and Billie Piper. I cannot WAIT!

 Sorry I have not posted, if anyone cares. I have been literally drowning in filth and clutter. Nothing is more joyous than cleaning up after other adults. Joy To The World! I want to get rid of shit and make this place less ADHD and more about being fucking clean. I am glad that I now know why my family is dirty and my sick ass cannot keep up. They are getting help to learn about it and hopefully be able to help me. Sometimes I just want to run away.
I am boxing stuff up and having large furniture pieces taken away by a charity. I have to empty them out, semi organize all the crap and then paint, get shelving and have this place looking the way that I want it. The problem is that I have a couple adult children that do not know how to let go of shit. Since I am getting rid of that big armoire, the ugly bookshelf and the Ikea coffee table..I need to box up all that stuff that was stored inside of them. You know what that means right?
There is shit piled E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E. I have boxes piled with stuff and the stuff will get piled in the corner after the corner is free from the big furniture going away.
 I do have plans and I am slowly making dents. All the canning and cleaning stuff are going on the metal shelves at the bottom of the stairs in the basement. Once I get that out of the way, and all the plants in safe sunny places...I can start tossing.
 It is really hard, you know? I am dealing with full blown perimenopause so I just yell at people for no reason and take things the wrong way at the drop of a hat.
I am a mess. But I am still exercising and eating healthy. The weight loss as stalled but the inches are coming off. I have to drop the carbs again. I started eating them again but not at the level before. I had to use insulin. Then my weight loss stopped. I know what I have to do. I am going to start again on December 1st. I gave myself a date. Otherwise, everything is good.

Okay...this was quick but I really need to get working on the clutter around here. It might not bother them but it bothers me to no end.

It`s brick outside

*245*

I will give you a little lesson in urban language. When someone says it is brick outside...it is as cold as a witches tit outside. Cold as a hibernating bears buttocks outside. It is like January out there! Thankfully, it is going to warm up soon. It is cold out but not as cold as the past couple of days. We even had a smidge of snow. It will be close to 60 deg F on Sunday so we can all stop our whining and get over it. I have leaves to rake and bag and windows to cover very soon.

The walkway and steps are all done. He just has to come back this weekend and fill in the gaps on the sides. This is the pic before he started pouring the cement. (see-ment)

 

This is when he was all done. We were only allowed to walk on those first sections because they had cured first. We were able to walk to the left of the stairs to go to the car.

Our stairs are fixed and we have a railing!!! You do not even know. I have wanted a railing since the first winter we lived here. Now anyone can use it to get up the stairs without struggling. Yes!
Too much excitement for a railing but it was much needed. He added an extra step because of the way he leveled the walkway. It is good. I was telling Kid number 2 that her little self would have loved this new walkway. Give her a fresh bucket of sidewalk chalk and she would have been in heaven.

  Let me think. What else?
Everyone that I go to the gym with has something wrong with them so they cannot go. One is sick with that virus that is going around. One pulled a muscle in her calf from over doing it. And one fell down some stairs and sprained her ankle. I am all alone out there in gym land. I have no problem going. That is not it. I just get bored and I know if I do not have people to chit chat with, I will cut that shit short. There are tvs to watch so I guess I could do that but still...I like human interaction. We motivate each other. Nobody to motivate me now. Today is my NON GYM day anyway. I do not do Thursdays. I want one day were I can just do what I want or basically catch up on shit.
   I just finished cleaning the downstairs bathroom. That is basically become the girl`s bathroom and for anyone that comes over. It is embarrassing. These girls do not clean a thing so when I get to it, it is awful. I boxed up kid number 1s bathroom stuff. We got rid of the toilet surround cabinet thing because it was Ikea and it was busted. So she had all her stuff on every surface in there. You could not clean. So I took a small cardboard box and put all her hair and face stuff in there and put the box on the floor. I will explain that it is better for now. It is gross for other people to use the bathroom and have to look at her stuff. With opened containers and hairs everywhere. She will brush her hair and then she has her hairs stuck on every damn surface. I love her but she should learn to clean up after herself.
Seriously!
 I have a mini milestone to report. Last Spring, a friend gave me a few clothing items from her stash. Really nice things but all too small for me. They were put away for the warmer months. This past week she gave me another bag of stuff and in there was a red wool coat (length past my butt) and it was from LL Bean. Size 14-16. Too snug for me so I put it in closet. There was the grey wool Lane Bryant coat (same length) from the Spring. I wanted to try it on because of the cold snap. I have that long camel coat I bought for $5 this past Spring but I am not ready for that yet.
The size 14-16 coat fits me! Now, It is a bit snug in the shoulders. Usually when that happens, I will take it off but it was only a bit snug. It buttoned and fits perfectly. Hubs said it looks good. Now..I could never wear a bulky sweater underneath it but that is now.
This is the motivation that I needed. I had been slacking on the healthy eating. This fueled my engine that I can lose weight. I can wear nice things. I can be a size 14-16!  I wish my ass and gut had gotten them memo from the upper body. My bottom half is in Purgatory. We are between sizes. I can wear a size 20 but it is getting too big. I have not found the right pair of size 18 that I can wear without pinching off the gut fat with the zipper. Sucks for sure.

 Otherwise, everything is going fine. We are invited to a friend`s house for Thanksgiving this year. I am thankful for that. And when the weekend comes, I will be in short sleeves again!

A woman`s work is never done

*245*

  There are a shit ton of leaves to bag plus there are still a shit ton in the trees. We lost two HUGE branches yesterday in the top yard from the storm. We are going to have to hire someone with a chainsaw to break them up.  At least the front walkway is almost completed. I have an extra step and a new railing. I will take pics when all the construction stuff is put away. We bought a used (practically new) washer and dryer set. Now we need an electrician to come and change the plug for the dryer. More money! More money! oh you get the point. Nothing can be easy. And I am in a bad mood. I am not going to get into specifics why but just know that is not cause I have my period. Shit hit the fan yesterday and it is going to take awhile for me to get back in a better mood.
  Christmas is fast approaching and then the end of the year. We are going to have a Christmas but it just wont be super abundant. I do not want to go back to the way it used to be. Simple and easy but with a few presents to make it nice. Not all sad like last year. I am not going to put a tree up until close to Thanksgiving. I am not going all out either. I just want a simple tree and that is all. I need to get the painting done. Hubs and child #2 are major procrastinators. Child #1 just doesn't give a shit. I am just a tired bitch with too much on her plate and do not have the time to do the painting also. I will get to it when I can.
  Today I have to groom the dog, do laundry, clean the kitchen, and vacuum. Yup. That is my Sunday. I am tired of having a dirty house so I have been cleaning it as best as I can. I do not even want to think of all the yard work that I have to do.

  Yeah, I am in a bad mood and it shows. I have nothing nice to say at all. I am going to just do what I have to do and not bother with anyone else. Fuck em.  Like I said, I am not going to say why I am in bad mood but it was enough of a something to kick me into a depressive funk. I am not going to eat my troubles away. Do not worry your pretty little heads over that. I am just going to mope around and read my books. I bought the new Stephen King and the new Wally Lamb and they are both hardcover books. No kindle for this bitch. Well I have one but kid #1 took it. She asked to borrow it and I have not seen it since.

Okay. Enough of this crap. I have housework to do and I am still sitting here. Hopefully the next time I post, I will have pics of the new walkway and I will be in a much better mood. Or at least one of those will be true.

Evil Birthday cake of DOOM!

*248*

 I said I was going to stick to the plan and I am. I was thinking this morning that my goal for the month of November is to lose 20 lbs. That will be 40lbs total since I started this. I am not going to beat myself up if I eat something that I should not but I will work very very hard to not eat them. If that makes any sense. Today is going to be hard. I did well. Shake for breakfast, salad and soup for lunch, almonds for a snack....then dinner. Dinner is going to be an issue with me. We are having broasted chicken, with garlic mashed potatoes, baked beans, and coleslaw. Oh and a big birthday cake. Today is kid number 2`s birthday. That is like five things I should not eat. I could probably get away with eating the chicken. I will just make a big salad and I have some collard greens left over from the weekend.. But the cake. I have a carrot cake cooking in the oven right now and I am going to make cream cheese frosting.
  I will be strong willed and determined to do what I got to do. I have tweaked my calorie intake per day and I am going to go to the gym three times a week.  I just need to stay away from the yummy sugary carrot cake!

Multiple jagged little pills

*245*

 I decided that I needed to really look at the amount of pills I have to take a day. This does not represent all because I have a probiotic that I will start taking tomorrow AND my two insulin. Yeah, that is alot. I am posting this picture because I am an asshole. I ate whatever I wanted this weekend. I did so fully knowing what the outcome would be. I had to dose myself multiple times with insulin, I feel like crap, I am gassy, and I woke up with mega liver pain.
 ASSHOLE!
  The kid`s boyfriend came to stay for the weekend. I bought crap for them all to eat and then I proceeded to eat it. Bacon. Bread. Rice. Potato Chips. Ice fucking cream. WTF Heidi...WTF!
 Today is a new day and I am not going to do that anymore. I have to make a birthday cake for the kid. She turns 20 on Monday. I have not decided if I am going to eat any or not. Not after the debauched weekend of eating I have had. I feel like crap on the inside and I am an asshole for doing this to myself. I am trying to heal and I go and eat all that. I am done. Really. This has taught me a valuable lesson. Only takes two days of eating to bring me right back to where I was before.

Here is my dry assed tattoo. I have not put lotion on it yet today and the cap to the acorn is still healing. So it looks like shit. But I forgot to share before so here it is. My finger moustache touch up is healing well also. I am hoping when the scabs fall off that I have an even tat. If not, I am done with trying to fix it. It is what it is.
 We got a new to us washer and dryer this weekend. I am in the midst of washing clothes that have been sitting in limbo since the machine died. We would take all of our everyday clothes to the laundramat but I have two...no three large laundry bins full of wintery clothes that need to be cleaned. I also have leaves to rake and bag. We still have not painted. I think the whole teamwork thing is a crock of shit and I am going to be stuck doing this. I have to groom the dog too.
Ugh!
 So yeah...I am a bit stretched thin and I ate things that I shouldnt have. I am in pain and I deserve it. Healthy eating has commenced and I will stick with that shit!

The old girl is a-okay

*248*

   I had the scope of my bladder. No cancer, cysts, tumors, or stones. I have over active bladder. He thinks my new way of eating has helped aggravate what was already there but not as intense. I am on two pills for it. The more weight I lose, the better it will get.
Yay for not having anything scary!
 I do not announce that I go to the gym. I go and that is a part of my life. Not looking for high fives cause I put my work out gear on. But I wanted to share some milestones. I can do 15 minutes on the elliptical machine now. I can do 30 on the treadmill. And I can do 20 on the stair climber. I tried this thing today. It is called an Ab Glider. The one at our gym does not look like this (older version) but it does the same thing. It always scared me because I thought I was too fat for it. My stomach muscles were not strong enough and I would get stuck on it. My friend, A told me to JUST DO IT. She was there for moral support and to help me off if I got stuck. I could do it. Not alot but I could get on it and get off it with no problems. This is going to be part of my routine now. I can tell by looking in the mirror that I have started to get leaner. I am building muscle. This is one part of the reason why the scale is not moving. I fell off the carb wagon a few times but I am back on track. Started on Sunday and have been doing well ever since. I am allowing myself to have short transgressions but I will not gain the weight back. I refuse to go backward. I said that I was NOT going to have that gastric bypass surgery and I mean it.
 I would rather do it the hard way but sweating my ass off and eating healthy. That way it will be harder for me to fall back into my old habits.
 My ass will never look like the chick in the picture. That is too much work and I have too much extra skin but I can dream!

Acorn Tattoo

*248*

  I took the kid to get her birthday tattoo yesterday. While she was at it, we both got matching tattoos of an acorn. Now the picture i took of it sucks ass..so I will get a better picture of it later and put it in my next post. It is the size of a real acorn and he touched up my finger moustache.
 
 I just finished bagging up all the magazines to go to the hospital. Then I need to make vegan cupcakes for a friend. Going to run to co-op to get castor sugar. I want to start the trim this week..yes we have not painted a damn thing. So much going on and I have not been feeling well. Feeling nauseated and in pain. Sometimes I think it is my liver other times I think it might be my kidneys. I see the urologist on Wednesday. I threw up on Friday evening. I felt so green. I threw up everything. I do not think it was food poisoning because I felt better after I did it but my liver hurt before and after. So I think that had something to do with it. I did not have anything greasy.
Oh well. Life goes on.

I am here. Just not all together with it. I figured I would post so you all that read it know I am still here. I am still going to the gym. I just do not announce it. I think the gym is part of your routine in life...why announce it the world or Facebook?  I think those that announce they are at the gym on a regular basis are just wanting some validation. I showed two pictures when I started in the beginning. That was it. So people that KNOW me know that I am going. Everyone else has no clue. I am getting stronger in the legs, I can walk farther without huffing and puffing, and my gut and boobs are shrinking. I wish the fat in my face would disappear. That would be nice. All in do time.

Time to get moving. It is noon and I am still in my jammies. Have a nice Sunday!

Columbus weekend paint-a-thon

*248*

  In this part of the sticks, we *celebrate* Columbus Day which in turn means a three day weekend for some people. Hubs has that three day weekend. He decided that we are going to paint the living room. Yay (trying to be enthusiastic)!!
  He vetoed the grey and we are painting it Behr Cactus garden green with a cream white trim. All the supplies for painting were bought yesterday. I even started a bit of the prep work but I was so exhausted from the week that I did not get alot done. I made a small dent. We have three days to accomplish much. We even bought a tarp! I would like to get out of here for a little bit so that I can get some food shopping done. I did not do it on Friday. After I finish on this, I will bolt to get that done. I must be present for the painting party. A party of two. Sad. The girls will not be participating.
 This week I went in for my bladder/kidney ultrasound. It went well. I do not know the results. I have to go back in two Wednesdays to have the scope done of the inside of the bladder. Not looking forward to it but a girl`s gotta do what she gotta do to get herself healthy. Next Wednesday I see my gastro to show him my progress and to find out about a pro biotic.
 Other then that, Fall is here and it is gorgeous outside. I have some pumpkins and mums as decoration. I think I am done with the major Halloween decorating that I used to do. It will be put back up with there are grandkids around to enjoy it.

 Okay, the crows are telling me that it is time to get my butt in gear. Have a great long weekend!

That`s the way it is done

*250*

Oh yeah baby! 25 lbs down. I had to get back in the groove. I had been a little lax in my eating. I was still eating well but I had some moments of eating things that I shouldn't or more that I should have. I stepped it up these past few days and got to 250. Next will be in the 40s. Yes!!
I have decided that for now, I can only do the gym 3 days a week. Any more than that and I am so dead dog tired.
 I am happy!

Level 1 hoarding must stop!

*251*

  I went downstairs to take the strawberries out of the freezer to make jam this weekend. I realized something. It is October 5 and I have NOT brought up any of my Halloween decorations yet. Not a one.
Is this because the kids are grown?

New way of eating getting in way of Halloween?
No and No.
   It is my cluttered basement. Two events made it the way it is right now. We had a big rain event in the Spring and we had to move all the boxes and tools out of the sump pump area because of the water. They were never moved back. And the washer shit the bed. We have a HUGE pile of seasonal clothes at the bottom of the stairs that need to be gone through and washed. It is things like this that need teamwork but I do not get that. It falls on my shoulders and I bitch about the lack of help and then I get half assed workers. What can I say? We are going to be doing some work around the house. I want a junk run done very soon. I want to toss anything that is broken, never used, taking up space, and has to just go. Old bikes, broken furniture, huge fucking tv sets, ripped up love seat on the patio...the list goes on and on.
 I do not even want to talk about the yard work. I have put a small dent in cutting down the dead or dying plants. I know I could just leave them to rot over the winter, that that is not my style. I will cut down as much as I can in the front of the house and fuck the rest. I am still in a cunty mood because of how I feel. I am exhausted. Having issues with the CPAP. I will make that call to the Dr office on Monday to see if they can figure out a way that I will stop freaking out in my sleep over the pressure.

 On a positive note, it has cooled off a bit today. I am going to open some windows and clean. We did laundry late yesterday and I need to go through all my clothing. Those that are too big, get bagged. The rest get put away and then I have to store my summer stuff too. Big task. That needs to be done so that I am not frustrated looking for stuff all the time. Then I am going to roast whole chicken breasts for dinner with sweet potatoes and green beans.
I am going to make it a good day. I will not obsess about the clutter in the basement....yet. It will need to be tackled soon because we will be purchasing new washer and dryer sometime this month. I cannot wait!!

I did put up my Halloween flag on the porch. That should account for something.

Fall Cleaning sucks major

*251*

ASS!

  Especially when you have to do it all by yourself. The cold bug has hit the house and everyone except for moi has been suffering. They have had plenty of days to get over it. I am stuck doing everything else by myself. It is like the ways of the damn world. You push a human out of your vag or have them cut out of your stomach, or you sign paperwork to declare them yours forever AND you get stuck picking up their shit for eternity.
  I have been in a funk the past few days. I thought I had a urinary tract infection. I took some cipro but it did not work. So the Dr sent me to have a culture done. Two day and a 24 hour one. Both showed no infection. But I am having issues that include pain and multiple trips to the loo. That is all I am saying on that.  Since there is not infection, than something is wrong. I see a urologist next week. Can`t a girl get a fucking break?
I binged
 I can say that the foods I binged on were all low fat, or sugar free, and healthy. I just over did it. For two days. I feel like a fucking whale. (yeah yeah. I can hear you two bitches saying I am a whale anyhow. Fuck you deuces). I am happy to say that I am back on track today. Breakfast shake, salad and tuna, and I am gonna have salad and tilapia for dinner. Thursdays are not a gym day so I did stuff around the house. It is time to start cleaning up for shutting up the house for winter. Plus we are going to start painting walls very soon. In the next week or two. So I want to get shit done.

  I am tired. I am sick. And I am mad up to ^^ here with getting no help. See the running theme of this blog? One of the subjects is how I have a houseful of adults but none of them do anything to keep said house clean. Wash some damn dishes. Pick up the living room. Clean the bathroom that you turn into a swamp to two days flat. ANYTHING WOULD BE APPRECIATED!
Nope. Cannot be done. Must watch Hulu and Netflix instead. Must be on the computer. Must be on the phone.
  I have seriously gotten to the end of my tether. I realize I do need to find a new therapist. It has been almost six months and I have had no anchor to talk to about shit. Mine was laid off so I must find another place to go. Will work on finding one this week/next week.
 That is about all I have to say today. I am just tired of cleaning for others when it does not stay clean and I am in pain.

And I miss Oreos.... :(

Oh to sleep the sleep of the dead

*251*

  It is almost October. My most favorite month of the entire year. Yesterday I bought a couple pumpkins and some mums for the front porch. I think my days of decorating for trick or treaters is over but Fall decorating could take on a whole new thing for me. Kid number two turns 20 at the end of the month. That will be it. No more kids in my house. I know they were adults at 18 but something about not being a teenager anymore really seals it for me.

  I have been told that a couple people are patiently awaiting my jams. I have not done them yet. So this week I will get it done. I have to make a batch of strawberry and a batch of strawberry jalapeno. I have to start thinking towards the holidays too. Even though I am not eating it, I still like to make treats for others. I found these fancy looking cupcake tins called Tulips. I found out later that they are not very new but they are new to me. They were selling in the discount store. I bought a bunch for really cheap but I think I am going to go there later and grab a few more. $2.50 for a box of 12. I know that I could make them myself if I got it into me to do so. I eventually will but for now I like the colored ones that I found at the store. They are neat because they make your treats look fancy and they have the benefit of a corner to pick up your cupcake with so you do not mess up the frosting. Pretty handy.

  Except for one day where I punked out, I have been going to the gym on a regular basis. My friend A and I signed up about two weeks ago. I have been almost 3 times a week but shooting for four times. I want to do Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Fridays. Give myself Thursdays and the weekends to relax. The trainer at the gym said four days is a perfect amount of time. You want to give your body at least three days of rest. I am trying the dreaded elliptical. That bitch hurts! I can only do like three minutes on it but I am going to do it every single day. I do the treadmill, the stair climber and the elliptical. Then I choose a muscle group to work on. I am there a little bit over an hour now. I started to lose my way with the eating. I was eating things that I shouldnt. I ate some greasy stuff that made me really sick and I had some other foods that shot my blood sugars through the roof. I have learned my lessons. I know that I cannot be perfect and there will come times where I will want to eat some things but definitely staying away from fried foods, whole milk dairy, and wheat. Since I started this, I noticed that whenever I eat wheat, I get this phlegm thing going on afterward. I sometimes start gagging, I am guessing a wheat sensitivity.  All is a learning process. So far I have lost 24 pounds.

  I think I told you all about the at home sleep study that I did for sleep apnea...? I am not going to go back and look so I will assume I have. Insurance wouldnt pay for full on sleep study in the hospital so I had to have a monitor to bring home. I went last week to find out the results. Girlfriend needs a C-pap. Most of the time those home tests do not show the full fledged severity of your apneas. Mine did OR mine are so bad that even the home shit picked it up. Doctor said that I stopped breathing 48 times an hour. That is like almost every fucking minute! My oxygen saturation is supposed to be 100% to the upper 90s. Mine would dip down into the 80s on more than a couple of times. So they sent me across the hall at that very moment and set me up with a machine. I have been using it since Wednesday. I have not kept it on the whole night yet but the longest so far is five hours. It will take some time getting used to. I wake up a little bit freaked out and take that shit off. One night I talked myself out of it in my half sleep, left the mask on and went back to sleep. I have the full face mask because I am a mouth breather. I am trying to overcome the feeling of being trapped as in claustrophobic. I have read that in time, it does go away. The full face mask is best for me because I move around alot in my sleep, I am a mouth breather, and I like to sleep on my side. So I need to overcome that shit.
  Lots of news and little links to click on. I have been busy with the yard this week, that is why I have not been around more. Once winter settles in, I will post more. You all know how I do things.
Enjoy the rest of your lovely September 2013.

To can or not to can. That is the question of the day

Ball half gallon canning jar

*255*<-----in the losing inches phase now

  I love that my friend had taught me a valuable lesson. Sometimes on your weight loss journey, you seem to not lose any weight even though you have cut calories and upped the movement. She told me that you lose inches instead, and then you will lose pounds. I am doing the inches thang now. I know this because all my clothes that I usually wear are either fitting looser OR are way too fucking big. I have started to dig into my stash of clothes that were on the snug side or I did not like this or that cause it made my gut show offy more. Today I am wearing a pair of purple cotton lounge type pants but they are for outside. They used to be on the snug side. I would never wear them. I am pleasantly floating in them now. Not too big, more like just right big. I am liking what I am doing. And I am loving all the *new* clothes I am venturing into.
I have to confess though that this week was a week of eating things not on the list. I ate 1/4 of a pancake with syrup. I had a burger with bun and small amount of fries, and yesterday I ate half a small bag of Lay`s. I chalk it up to my period was late and long and I have not eaten a chip in almost 2 months. It had to be done. My sugars were a teensy bit high. I am still eating well otherwise. I will be careful not to do THAT in excess.
 I always said I would never totally deny myself stuff. I have found healthy alternatives to many things but there is gonna be times when I just want it and I am not going to be denied. :)

  I found the canning jar of my dreams yesterday at Walmart. It is a half gallon jar. They come in a pack of six. I bought the last one in the store. And my pack had been opened (i guess they wanted to see how big it truly was). I did not care. I wanted them. I am hoping to find one more pack of six before the winter. I have no idea what I will do with them but I had to own them. They are usually used for people that can juices. I was thinking big jars of tomato sauce or salsa. We shall see.
 It is cooler this weekend. I am thinking maybe I will do my jams tomorrow (Sunday). I want to do regular strawberry. Then buy some more strawberries now while they are still cheaper and the next weekend make strawberry jalapeno. I have enough jars to make a shit load. I am not going to short myself this year. I want to make enough of the strawberry so that the family has enough for the winter. Then I will have extras for giving to friends. 
 So that is the plan, I think. I am going to do some yard work today. Fish for dinner. Canning tomorrow and then the man and I are going to go through our clothes to put away for winter, and get rid of anything we do not want. Full schedule if you ask me.
Oh and he gets to watch football. Lovely lovely football.

I can see me cleaning out our room on my own.

First day back

*255*

  Today was my first time back at the gym in way over a year. The place has expanded, upgraded and I like it. They have new machines, new free trainers and I can see myself being able to do this at least 4 times a week. I went with my friend, A. She signed up too because she realizes that she needs to get healthy again. It is going to be a long road for both of us but we can do it. I may have a bit of a leg up on her on it but that doesn't mean she couldn't catch up in the coming months. I will be her cheerleader and make sure she does not over do it but also that she does not slack off either.
 I plan on going Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. and maybe Friday but either weekend day. So I might do five days.  We shall see. But this is what I want to work up to. I am not going to kill myself just yet.
 Today I am eating something new. I bought Egg Beaters egg whites. My lunch is a country scramble with onions, yellow peppers, cherry tomatoes, a tablespoon of pesto, and daiya cheese.  It actually tastes pretty good. I have a side dish of cucumber, tomato, and onion salad. Trying to round out the meal.
I need to go. I have some food to eat, paperwork to fill out, and laundry to do.
Have a nice week!

Fall Pantry Cleaning

My dream pantry

*255*

   I had decided last night that today was the day that I was going to completely clean out the food pantry. My pantry is two floor to ceiling cabinets (with doors) that are attached to the wall. There are four sets of doors and inside each set is three shelves. Shit load of room for food. One of the first years that we lived here, we developed a moth problem. Come to find out some of the dog food that comes from Walmart back in the day would have moths. You would bring them home and voila..they are in your flour! So I put everything in plastic containers and Ziploc baggies. No issues after that. After that fiasco, I decided I would clean out twice a year, once in the Spring and once in the Fall.

  Cleaning is just a small portion of what has to be done. There are many times when you buy something and you just never use it. Like the cashew butter I have in there. I gave it last Fall, and this Spring to use it. We didn't. So I will check the expiration date and if it is good, it will go for donation. Everything that is old, open and old, or past expiration goes in the trash. Things like old pasta are dumped in garbage so that packages can be recycled (yeah yeah..I am a recycler). Any food that is something we regularly eat that is new in cabinets or was lost in the shuffle stays. Then all the jars and cans need to be wiped down, and shelves cleaned. I buy that fabric netting that brides use to wrap Jordan almond bundles in for their reception and I make bug bundles. I put some whole cloves and some new dried bay leaves in each and tie with a ribbon. One for each shelf. Every once in awhile, I will give them a squeeze. They get changed twice a year too.

  I had these big ideas that I was going to get the whole thing done so that this weekend, I could start canning my jams. But what do I wake up to?
80 deg F and high humidity and pollen count
I cleaned out the top section that carries all of our pastas, grains, dried beans, and boxed pasta crap. I had three opened boxes of lasagna up there. All in the trash. I cannot eat it anyway. That whole area is done but I was sweating like a whore in church during and after.
Yeah, I am done.

Twenty Pounds Down..Ba-Bye

*255*

 This bitch lost 20 lbs! WooHoo!

I do not step on the scale every day. That would be stupid. Your weight fluctuates with hormones and such. It would drive a person insane if today you weighed 179 and tomorrow 174 and later on that day 181. You have to spread them out during the week.  But for some reason this morning, I was compelled...to...look.
 255.
Wait. What?
Get off the scale. Get on the scale.
 255.
 Get off the scale. Move the scale to another location. Get on the scale. 
255.

Holy shit.
  Five pounds away from 250 and then say good by to the 50s and hello to the 40s. Friday I go to the local gym with my bestie and we are both going to re-join. She wants me to walk with her in the mornings. Then I can go back later in the day to get a more intensive work out. Not planning on over doing it at all. I am going to go slow. I might be really slow in the beginning just like my friend but eventually I will ramp it up to more extensive exercises to build muscle. Especially in the gut.

Anyway, I thought I would share. Tonight`s dinner is going to be two fillets of oregano and garlic crusted Tilapia cooked under the broiler with some rainbow salad and sugar free jello.
Yummy!

Hot steamy days and Cool Autumn nights

*259* <---that is right. Not a typo!

    A warm September Sunday brewing. Not sweating but it could happen.  I do not care because the air conditioner is going out of the window. I want fresh are to blow through until I have to close up shop for the winter. We are getting a new to us couch to replace the disgusting dog love seat. Ruby killed it through her puppyhood and now it is a sad stinking mess. It is going out on the back patio with the AC. We will be doing a dump run probably sometime in October. Someone we know has to leave their apartment because they cannot afford it so they are giving us their couch. It is not spectacular but it is good enough until we have the floor done and replace it. If it has good springs in it, we will keep it for the basement man cave.
  I am in a good mood today. I am going to re-arrange the living room to accommodate the new couch. I have plans on Friday to buy the paint for said living room with all the crap you need to paint. Need to get it done. Floors in October hopefully. The living room is going to be a slate colored grey and the kitchen and dining room are going to be like a peacock blue. Something really out there. I like bold colors with white trim.
   The journey of health is doing well. I have lost a total of 15 lbs in a month. I had a couple slip ups. I learned my lesson though. I have purified my gastrointestinals to the point that if I eat certain things, I will be spending the better half of the day on the crapper. Blue cheese dressing is one of those things. Basically I have deemed all commercial salad dressings off limits to me. I will stick with my red wine vinegar and sometimes a small bit of olive oil. I had a pumpkin iced coffee and asked for one pump of the syrup, no sweetener, and two creams. There was way more than one pump. I had to take a shot of insulin when I came home. I still have not eaten any junk food or take out food at all. I have tested the waters (and failed) with some things that would be deemed ok with me. I tried those small corn tortillas to have tacos with..FAIL. I tried a low carb pita thing made especially for low carb eaters...FAIL. I tried brown rice...you guessed it. I am thinking I will have to wait until I have lost a significant amount of weight before I can introduce low carb options when it comes to rice, bread, and pasta. Maybe after I lose 100lbs.
  I will have the cash next week to buy sneakers and sign up for the gym. Once I introduce regular exercise into the mix, the pounds will drop the fuck off. 15 lbs in a  month with no real exercise but just moving around more. Imagine what that will be with an hour of formal exercise a day at the gym plus the stuff I do around here.
It will be so amazing..I hope.

  I need to wrap this up. I have some cleaning to do before the new couch arrives. You have a great Sunday!
 

My little helper

*260*

  At the bottom of this page you will see a ticker that I added with the amount of weight I have lost so far. It is part of a program called Myfitnesspal. It is a free calorie counter, diet and exercise journal. You can use it on the computer or download the app on your phone. You use it to track your food intake during the day. It tells you if you are within your calorie range. It also tracks your water consumption and exercise. When you add in exercise, even walking stairs, it adds calories to your daily total. To lose weight, you try not to eat any of those added calories. It has helped me alot in determining what I should and shouldnt eat in terms of carbs and fat. You have it listed on each food choice how many sugars, carbs, sodium, fats, etc. I thought I would share with you all since maybe you would like to join me.
 OMG! I have to tell you. Kid number 1 has been in a mood for the past couple of days. Last night she made home made chocolate chip cookies and left a note. She made them to say sorry for being bitchy lately. How sweet of her. How horribly sweet of her. LOL
 I took them off the two plates and put them in the cookie jar. I have not eaten any and I dont plan too. Home made cookies are a major weakness. This is a test. God is testing me. I will win that test. I am not going to screw up a  month (today) of healthy eating. 14 lbs lost in a month. That is insane! At least it is for me. Wait till I start really walking more. It is still too humid for me. Once it is a bit cooler, I will strap on my sneaks and I am off.
Give myfitnesspal a try and if you like it, I am glad.

Doing it the Old Fashioned Way

*261*

   I had a long discussion with Hubs about two weeks ago about weight loss surgery (wls) and losing weight. My decision is that I am putting the surgery journey on hold, for now. I am giving myself until January 1, 2014 to lose at least 50 lbs. If I can do that or come really close to that, I will not have the surgery. I will continue on the path of healthy living as I am doing. If I fail by that date, then I will go to a wls seminar and start the ball rolling for the surgery. I do not want to rush into something. So far, I am doing pretty damn good. The pain in my side has gotten better. I am eating so healthy it is scary to me. I have given up so much this past month and I am still here. I did not die or wither away into a pool of whining tears. Okay, I did whine quite a bit but it is getting better. :)

    I feel the surgery is a great tool for those that cannot lose weight on their own. I have many friends that have had successful surgeries, lost weight, and kept the majority of the weight off. I also know there are people out there that have the surgery, go thru all that pain and change to only go right back to eating badly and not exercising. Too many people have gained the weight back. And you only get one stomach surgery! They cannot go back in and tighten it back up because you love pretzels so fucking much. With that being said, I am going to put a hold on the wls. I did not go to the seminar.

   I do not think I am willing to give up the future of eating a steak if I want it on my birthday. (or any foods for that matter).  I thought I did, but I realized that I would be lying to myself. I have to do it this way. I put the pounds on! I can take them off! I have given up steak and roasts (both pork and beef), I have given up chicken skin. Eventually I will give up ground beef because I eat so very little of it now. I used to eat beef at least 3 times a week. It is now down to once every two weeks. I have been using ground pork. It is lean, cheap, and tasty. Chicken and Fish are my go too proteins. I also eat eggs but sparingly. I have realized that I truly have to give up all dairy. I still have some low fat cottage cheese and yogurt in the fridge. I will finish those this week.  I am going to have to use vegan versions to satisfy me when i am in the mood. I found some noodles at the Asian market that have a low carb load so on occasion I can have that. I also have some brown rice to try. I want to add these back into my diet but only in small amounts. Like when I make soups. I cannot have potato so having some of those noodles in a seafood soup with make me happy.

 Some friends have told me that I should just become a Vegan. I am pretty close to it except for my love of the chicken egg. Too much change going on right now. I am willing to MAYBE become a vegetarian but that is in the future. Not yet.  I am posting a second post today because I realized that I never told you about my decision. You were probably wondering why I had not mentioned what happened at the seminar and why I was not talking about it. This is why.
I am feeling healthier, I am stronger then I was before when I started this and I just feel different. And after eating that ONE PIECE OF FRIED SQUID that gave me the shits from hell, I know that I am doing the right thing.

End of Summer 2013

*261*

  Today is the last day of August and Labor day weekend. The garden is starting to wind down a bit early this year or maybe I am just thinking that. I have really neglected the community beds this year. The growing season took so long to get started that I probably have rotting tomatoes on the vine, which is a crime in my eyes. I am going to go there today and pick what I can. Maybe next weekend when I feel up to it, I will just clean out the whole bed, dig up my strawberry plants and call it. I am not going to do the beds anymore. I just do not have it in me to keep going there. I will have beds made here at the house.
 I went to the GP yesterday. He says that I do not have high blood pressure (yay!) and I told him about my new way of eating. On his scale yesterday it said I have lost 10 lbs since last month. He tells me to keep doing what I am doing. He said that 1400 calories is plenty. I wonder if I should eat less but I do not want to limit myself since I am already so limited in my food choices as it is. I am doing good. I had a couple missteps that I am okay with. Except for yesterday. Oy. I can eat at the Chinese buffet here because at dinner they serve seafood and really good seafood. Like blue crab legs, alaskan crab legs, whole clams, crawfish, etc. I am in heaven and it only costs me about $12. I made the mistake of eating ONE fried squid circle. I love squid. Apparently, fried squid does not like me. I will just say that I spent alot of time in the bathroom that evening. Hubs and I both said that fried food is a wrap for me and my gut.
 Right now I have been doing an easy lap around the neighborhood and we have been doing housecleaning for the prep of painting soon. So that is exercise in itself. I am going to wait to sign up for the gym until I can sign up the family too. They want to come back into the exercise fold. I hope they do utilize it this time as well as I.  I am having another itchy day today. Not in the best of moods. I need to talk directly to my gastro to find out if this is truly related to my liver or not. His nurse practitioner told me it was not. Then I will have to assume that is hormonal and I will be taking benadryl for a very long time.
 Last but not least, I think I have to now give up coffee. I have an aversion to it. I want it so badly but I get one or two sips in and I just do not want it. At first I thought it was because of the cream and that fat it contains and how that effects my liver. I have some Coconut milk coffee creamer that seems to be doing the trick. It is totally dairy free. But we will see................ I have not demolished my cup of coffee so this could mean that the coffee is not good for me either.

Damn! Damn! Damn!

Stick with the plan, man

*264* <---10 lbs down

   I have been busy working on this new way of eating and it is working ya`ll. I think the way the Dr spoke to me and told me what was going on made something click.
 It has been over 10 days. I have been eating strictly low carb low fat. I have tested the fat waters once or twice to see. I KNOW that the fats hurt my liver and I will refrain from over indulging. You can never cut fats out of your life because you need them to survive. But it is low fat eaten sparingly. Fish, seafood, chicken, turkey, eggs and I had some lean ground pork yesterday. Any vegetable you can think of cooked or raw, fruits, hummus, almonds. I drink a whey protein shake with almond milk for breakfast. I have snacks of raw vegs, fruits, low fat yogurt and cottage cheese, hard boiled eggs, and nuts.
  I have moments when I whine about it because I crave certain things. But I do not eat it. I only eat what is healthy for me and will heal my liver. I am taking supplements to help me along the way also. I just cannot explain it. I am strong enough to say NO to all these foods. Plus I am enjoying the food that I am eating. I was going to join the gym today but I had a couple bills to pay and I did not have the extra cash to sign up this week. I will sign up next week most definitely.  I need to start moving so that I can lose weight faster.
 My insulin is the lowest dosage since I first starting taking it. I used have take 35 units of Lantus a night...now it is 13. I used to shoot up with Humolog every time I ate. I only need to take a little in the morning. The only diabetes pill I am taking is Metformin.

  I feel better on the inside. And the pain in my gut is being managed. I think I have figured it out.

Your liver is so fat...

No more for YOU, girlfriend

*271*

  Met the new Gastro today. Hubs went with me for moral support. I just did not want to go and have someone tell me nothing. He did not do that. He was straight forward and funny at the same time. He knew exactly what was wrong with me. I have a fatty liver.  Now, I was told that by the other gastro months and months ago but he downgraded it as not a big deal. Guess what? Major big deal. When you are having pain in your liver, that is not a good thing at all.
  He agreed that I needed to go to the weight loss seminar next week. It would be for my benefit. I have a list as long as my arm of things I cannot eat. I found something online that looks just like he told me here. If you go down to the section where it says a few tips, then you will know what I am up against. Short version...Low carb (no whites), Low fat, and every other day my meals must consist of fish and salad. That is it.  No coffee. Low fat dairy sparingly.
 NO BACON!
  The list goes on and I do not want to rehash it. If I do not work on fixing this, I could end up damaging my liver. My liver! So I started today and for dinner I had salad with red wine vinegar and two small pieces of flounder that was baked with no butter or oil. He told me that I need to lose at least 40 lbs to start off but I am going to probably have the WLS so even better. There is no cure. You can just hope by changing your lifestyle that you will reverse it or help heal it.
MY FUCKING LIVER!
  Not only has my whole way of living up until this point been dumped on the floor but I have to worry that I am killing my liver with my food choices. NO MORE COFFEE! <---I am going to have to slowly work on that. I do not want to deal with having headaches and withdrawls.

 So yeah. For those that are keeping a sad score. I have type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, sleep apea, reflux, and now fatty liver. I am definite candidate for the surgery. I am just going to do it. DO IT!
 I will learn now how to live on less food so when the time comes, it wont be so horrid.

 You are all up to date. You will either cheer me on, pity me, or be a total bitch like I know two of you can be and cackle like the skank bitches that you are.

Tomato Heaven!

*270*

   I was gifted that small bowl of tomatoes from a friend. She only had one plant but it was growing tomatoes like crazy. Then I contacted a local farm stand and they picked me all these green tomatoes for $10. There are at least 25 of them and there are some really big ones. We had tasty fried green tomatoes last night with our dinner. There were three left overs. I heated them up this afternoon and had them with my noodle lunch. Really tangy and good.
   I slice them on the thick side. Make sure they are not red at all or they will be too mushy to fry. I dip them in an egg wash of egg, milk, and hot sauce. Then I dip them in flour seasoned with salt and pepper, then back in the egg wash, and then I coat them in corn meal. I let them sit for a minute or two before I put them in the hot oil. I cook them until both sides are golden. We do not put anything on them. They are good..as is. Tonight I have two kinds of local corn on the cob to steam. There is Silver Queen and Butter and Sugar corn. I had also picked up some white skinned peaches while I was there. Those are the best. If you can get hold of them, give them a try. They are only in season for a short time before Fall hits.

   I ended up at the ED on Thursday evening. I was there for about four hours. I talked to Fred`s friend who is a nurse practitioner. I had sent him off with a paper of my symptoms for her to read and give her opinion. She most definitely thinks I am suffering from pancreatitis. She was thinking that I was in the chronic phase but that since it was getting worse, I needed to be seen. She found out later on from talking to the ADN that night, that those working on me thought it was pancreatitis. Guess what?
Supposedly I am fine. Scans are fine and enzymes of all the organs are fine.  You can push on my upper gut and you can see that it hurts me but everything is fine. He says that the only things that came up were I had a right ovarian cyst and the beginnings of a UTI (which he gave me an antibiotic for) but those would not give me the pain up where it is. He gave me a pill for stomach spasms that is used for people with IBS. It is an awful pill. I took it and within an hour, I was in bed sleeping. It only worked for the 1 hour that I slept and I was back feeling awful again. Oh well. Cant get those four hours back. I see the new gastro on Tuesday. I need to fill out a ton of paperwork too. 
  For a moment in time, I thought I was crazy. But the ED Dr said that there is something wrong, we just do not know what it is. He felt bad. They were ready to admit me but then the results came back. They had to send me home as I came. Still in pain with no answers.

  Yesterday Fred cleaned the entire fridge from top to bottom. It had to be defrosted. I must have spilled some water when I was putting fresh ice cube trays in and it plugged the drainage hole in the freezer. So it had to be shut off and cleaned. It is perfectly perfect now. I went shopping and cooked dinner. This morning, He took down all of my collection of canning jars and vintage bottles to be washed. He will put back up after I am done. I appreciate him so much. My payment is again a big hearty dinner.
 Basically that is it. Boring life in New England. Surprised you havent fallen asleep yet.  I feel like I might after eating my noodle lunch and tomatoes.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I feel like poop

*270*

   It started yesterday. Everything that I eat gives me pain and then I am nauseated all damn day. Even a Edy`s strawberry ice pop (the kind with the strawberries in it) made me want to vomit. I called my regular dr office, left a message. They called right back and said that I am on the list to be called by the new gastro office today. I hope they do not make me wait a long time to be seen. Today would be nice. I will need to take a shower first but I could definitely go today.
I came thisclose to going to the ER last night. I was waiting for the excruciating pain that would signal *your ass really needs to be seen* but it never came. Just an entire day of being uncomfortable and sick. Same as today. I think I will stick with dry toast for the rest of the day.

I cannot figure out why my blogger will not let me put this picture under the text over there so I am just gonna leave it cause at this point, I do not give a fuck. That is one of my first (at home) cucumbers. There are a bunch of little ones growing but this is the first biggun. Isnt she cute? I have a couple in the fridge from the community garden that are way too big. We are kind of neglecting that space. We go and check but not on a regular. I think this is my last year there. I will dig up my strawberry plants from the bed, bring the home to transplant and that will be that. I just do not have reason to drive all the way over there. I want to garden at home instead. Plus the community garden is overrun by bugs that I cannot fight because we cannot use pesticides (glad about that) and there are just TOO many.

  Okay, I am getting off here now. I am going to take an Advil or three and go lay down on the couch.
FUCK!

Feels like Autumn with a side of hot flashes

Her bangs will be painfully short!

*270*

  I do not remember if I said this before but I got a cut and color. The youngest cut off all the pink from the ombre that we did a couple months ago. The bleach really damaged about 4 inches of hair. I will remember not to ever do THAT again. The new cut is just past my shoulders. And I colored the whole thing dark walnut. I have to touch up the roots on the bleach that I have in the front. I am keeping that for a little while. I like it. It holds the wave in my hair again. I do not know if I will ever grow my hair down to my waist again but for now, shorter feels better.
  It is a cool one this morning but I am sitting in front of a fan with a tank top on. I was profusely sweating so I figured one of two things: I have a fever or menopause. My temp was 97.3.
I went to see the surgeon yesterday about the 2nd opinion. He said the same thing that the 1st surgeon and the my gastro has said. I do not have gallstones and the gallbladder is perfectly healthy. He did say that it could possibly be my pancreas but I need to go back to my gastro to find out about that. Then he said I should have a full work up...upper endoscopy, colonoscopy, cat scans, etc. I said I already did.
So for those keeping score..It is not diverticulitis, not my gallbladder, not my reproductive, and not my kidneys or liver. I have been referred to another gastro because mine is an asshat.  I fear that they will never figure it out and I will just have this pain for the rest of my life. My guess is that I will be told I have IBS (no kidding) and that I will just have to live with this pain forever. I think I am just tired of fighting. It has been almost a year of this. I will just keep it in the back of my mind and if anything comes from this, I will update.
It will not stop me from my goal of losing this fat.
  I am signed up for the seminar for the gastric bypass this month. I told my best friend about it. She is supportive and is a bit jealous. She wishes she had insurance because she would get it too. I wish she could get it too. We could have bingo wings together! Oh well. Fred will go with me, we will find out about it, and then I will proceed with caution. Baby steps. I heard that it can take months before you even get the surgery. She has a friend that had it last year. It was six months before she had her surgery. I am thinking that since I have already had upper endoscopy and such, they might use that since it is new. But we shall see.

I have some good news. My vitals were checked at the surgeon`s office and my blood pressure was back to it`s normal lower range. I guess I was just stressed from all that has been going on. I would love to lose the stress but that would require me to lose the pain.
  Gonna wash the dogs and clean the house. I have plants to water outside and I was thinking of baking some cookies. We shall see about that though. The hot flashes from earlier might come back and I do not like to freaking sweat.

Hulu Plus kind of Saturday

I need to magnify so I can read the recipe.

*270* <---according to Dr`s scale

   Doesn't that cake look nice? I was looking for a old photo of egg salad because that is what I had for lunch. I stumbled onto to this and wanted to share. I love old recipes. Old recipes are how I learned to cook as a child. I still have my Mother`s 1940s Betty Crocker cookbook. Just cause I posted a cake does not mean I am going to make one. It just gave me a nice memory of being young and baking for my family.
  Today it is rainy and cool. Hubs is working. We are going to watch Bones on Hulu Plus to catch up before September. I am going to color my hair (which the child number 2 cut past my shoulders this week) and make buffalo chicken dip for dinner. I have been told that it tastes really good if I use the ranch dressing/Blue cheese crumble combo. I am also using a rotisserie chicken instead of canned.

    I have been busy and my mind/body have been occupied lately and I totally spaced on posting. I try to do it at least once a week because it is good for me. I get shit out so that I can read it back later to get some perspective on whatever I am talking about.  My gut is still bothering me and it has intensified. I see another surgeon on Monday...let me back track.
 I went to see my GP about two weeks ago because I could not take the pain anymore. He set me up with seeing another surgeon to get a second opinion on my scans. He also took me off my Januvia because he said it can cause pancreatitis. Stopping the pill did not stop the pain. It is more. Not excruciating at all but enough that it is getting to the point that I just cannot take it anymore. Now I am dealing with being itchy all the time and being nauseated. I have not barfed but it has come close to me going for it. It doesn't matter what I eat..I feel like shit. Those of you that know me know that does not stop me from my normal everyday life. I just suck it up buttercup.
  I saw my GP this week. He is glad to hear that I am seeing the 2nd opinion on Monday afternoon. If this surgeon says yes, it is my gallbladder..I will have the 1st surgeon here that is local to me do it. He is a great surgeon and I would rather have him do it. I told the Dr about my run around with the Gastro and how he told me my pain was skeletal or muscular. My Gp made a face and said No, he is wrong. After we figure out what is wrong, he is going to refer me to a different Gastro dr. New perspective on the situation.
  I asked about finding out about getting gastric bypass. He did not tell me I was not ready for it this time. He feels I am ready to find out about it and make some hard decisions. I had told him that with all that is wrong with me, so far I do not have high blood pressure or kidney involvement. I want to nip this shit in the bud. Guess what? He said my blood pressure was a bit high. He said I needed to go on a pill to protect my kidneys. I let out a defeated sigh. He suggested that I come back in a month. If it is still high, I need medication.
That is it. I have every single thing that could possibly kill me and I am fat and 44. More reason for the surgery. I have tried. Maybe not as hard as SOME of you may think but I have tried for myself. This afternoon I had egg salad sans bread with veggies for lunch. The fat in the eggs are going to kill my gut but this is what I wanted and it is low carb.

How can I eat  low carb (for diabetes), low fat (for my gut), and low sodium (for hbp)? 

 If I have the surgery I will knock out the diabetes, the hbp, the cholesterol, the sleep apnea, and the reflux. I will lose weight and I will be able to walk long distance again. I will probably have bingo wings and stomach flap but I will be in the 100s instead of painfully close to the 300s.

I was going to make this an extra long post and talk about the garden and such but the egg salad is starting to make me sick. I need to lay down with my bottle of water and watch mindless tv.
I hope you all have a great weekend. I will make a post tomorrow about the other stuff I was going to talk about. Or I will completely forget. Dealers choice!
:)

Should I?

*265*

  I have been trying for the past month or so to get a sleep study done for obstructive sleep apnea. Our insurance company has become very strict about it since June 1 of this year. I have been denied twice so far and I think my third denial letter is in the mail.  They are going to tell me that I just need to lose weight.
 I jokingly said to my GP and to hubby that if they want me to lose weight but will not help me with my sleep apnea, maybe they will want to pay for Gastric bypass surgery. My GP did not say NO NO NO! Neither did hubby. They used to before but I think I have come to the point in my ever shortening life that maybe I should do it. If I do have the surgery, I will eliminate the type 2 diabetes, the sleep apnea, the Gerd, the cholesterol, and all the other shit that I deal with.  I will lose an intense amount of weight, I will be able to exercise and walk again like I did when I was smaller.
I know there are plenty of downsides. I will have to change my eating habits for life. There are quite a few people that I know that had the surgery..you cant even tell anymore cause they gained much of the weight back. Your stomach does stretch as the years go on and you have to be honest with yourself that you have to eat less and exercise more forever or you will have gone through that surgery for nothing!
  I am going for my physical next week. I am going to talk to him about it on a serious note. What do I have to do to get the ball rolling? If I cannot lose it on my own, than the insurance company will pay for it to happen.
 I never thought I would seriously consider it. I always thought if I tried, I could lose weight and keep it off. I have so many things wrong with me and I just cannot do it. I have the WILL but I do not have the inner POWER to succeed at losing the weight on my own.  Who knows? Either insurance will deny it or I will run screaming because I do not want to give up my love of pizza.


I am just tired of being a fat lady.

Wish I had a lounge chair and a pool boy

With lots of pock marks from cut out cancers

*265*

   It has cooled off here in the Northeast. It is still humid but it is summer. Not like it used to be. We have not gotten a big rain yet. I am hoping for that to come this week soon. I have not posted cause it was just too damn hot. I was irritated and getting on the verge of kicking somebody. The only real relief was jumping into a cool bath. I laid in there so long that part of me wished I could get one of those inflatable pillows and just sleep in there.
    I started this post yesterday, got distracted, the kid took over the computer and now I sit here to finish it while my coffee is brewing. It is humid today. We had rains last night that really cooled it off but this morning the sun is beating down on the house. The AC in the living room is on it`s last legs so we have to keep the temp at a high of 72 deg F otherwise it freezes up. Oh, and Ruby woke up yesterday covered in welts. None on her face and neck, she could breathe fine. Just everywhere else. I have not figured out what the culprit is. She woke me up with it so something at night happened. Maybe a mosquito or spider bite. Maybe she ate something that she shouldn't have. I have no idea. I dosed her with Benadryl all day and she is fine this morning. I see like two tiny welts on her side. I am going to wait and see if she needs more today. The pills are small so we hid them in cheese for her. I went out in the yard to inspect before I realized it wouldn't have happened out there cause a reaction is kind of instant...but I found a patch of poison ivy that I need to get some spray for. Good thing I found that.It is near where they go to the bathroom and all I need is to get contact off their fur from it.  
 Jesus it is humid. I just went and brought Hubby his coffee and I am sweating from the trek upstairs. I lust after central air conditioning.

  We have been talking about what we are going to do to the house when we secure the loan either in Mid-August or September. We have to paint most definitely on the first floor and that has to be done before the floors are put in. I want a new fridge like yesterday and maybe replace the dishwasher. After that, we will take our time deciding and hunting bargains and sales. I just want to get the floors done and some newer living room furniture so I can be happy when I open the front door.
This post is now not really going anywhere.. It is hot, the dog is fine, I am just doing what I do, not exercising cause it is hot as fuck, and we are happy.
I guess being happy and positive is the best you can hope for.

I am melting! Melting!!!

*263*

  It has hot as Satan`s butthole out there this week. When they said we were gonna have a heatwave, they were not shitting us. Yesterday it was so hot that the air conditioner in the living room tapped out. I have to go out later and pick up some thumb tacks. I am going to go ghetto style, put a sheet up between the living and dining rooms and the AC will be happy again, hopefully. It worked fine last night because it was not a fucking hot.

  Here at the house we have some hits and some misses in the gardening. The cucumbers are taking off ever since it warmed up. I have like 8 cuke preemies on one plant already! I am excited! The japanese eggplants are not doing so well..one is growing but no flowers yet, the other one is a dud. I have a couple heirloom tomato plants that I planted and I probably should have just thrown them away. They were stressed from the beginning and they just sit there, doing nothing. My cherry tomato plants are HUGE! My other heirloom plant is HUGE! I have great basil growing but something is eating the leaves..slugs maybe. And I have a hot pepper plant that is giving forth lots of peppers. This is just what I have growing here at the house. And I dont even have my raised beds yet. Just wait till I have my raised beds! It will be monumental! I will be a growing maniac. The plants are the community garden are doing well also. We have okra growing, tomatoes, a baby watermelon, and some cucumbers there also. Too hot to tend to the gardens there. We had some rain so they are good until tomorrow. I will either go in the early morning or in the evening.

I really need to step up my strawberry buying. They are on sale now at one of the local grocery stores. I need at least a few more bags of them. Then I have to buy my sugar, jars, pectin, and some jalapenos for the hot ones. I want to make at least 15 regular for the house and then whatever is extra will be given or sold. I am NOT giving away any of the 15. I do it all the time and then I screw the family over because it is like February and there is no jam to speak of. I wish I had the fortitude to can other things but I do not. Maybe with the raised beds, I will have a better opportunity to plant more and then I can can my goods.

Ugh..I need to go out now and it is hot hot hot. Wishing for October!