Cookie Time

*266*

I actually have a whale cookie cutter that will make whales in that shape. But I am not in the mood to mess with Royal icing today. I want to make some Toll house cookies and a big glass of milk!
I still feel like shitty shit but I can tell I am feeling a little bit better. It is cooler and less humid today.

October is fast approaching. No more $500 from Natalie being a child. And I have her birthday and my trip to Jersey to pay for. Friday I am going to go to Amtrak to buy the tickets for my trip. I want to have those so I will not find a reason not to go. It is not because of the trip or who I am going to see at all. I want to do it! It is the money. I will find reasons why I should not spend that money on the trip.  I need a new pair of sneaks, I need to think of what I am going to pack, there is Natalie`s birthday, and Halloween. I have alot on my plate this month. More then you know is in the back of my mind.
So I can totally understand why I want to take a siesta from my normal duties in life. Fuck it!
I do not want to do it right now. LOL
I want to play on computer, watch tv and bake cookies to eat.

Positivity!

*266*

I am in a better mood today which is sort of surprising. I need to be more positive. Noticing that you can be a downer is not cool. It is Autumn now and I am happy about that. We do not have any cold or colored leaves yet but that will come. I would love to go to the cider mill today but it is the weekend and that place will be a mob scene. I will wait until the middle of the week.
 Fred is home today  (Yay!)and he is not going to his friend`s house to watch football.
He is going to help me clean the house! I am so happy. When I have someone helping me, it does not seem so daunting. Of course our darling daughters will not help but I am not going to get into that today. I will bitch about them another day. LOL
 We have to go out and run some errands. The Wii sensor bar on top of the tv is not working, so we have to go replace. It is not a bunch of money so it is no biggie. And Nintendo now makes wireless ones, which is so much better then the one with the wire. I am going to pull all the boxes out from under the tv and all the dvds and dust and wash everything.
As for the busted Mac..Fred and I discussed this. We are going to buy a cheap $300 laptop and then we will have 2. Then we will save for a Mac. That way, there will be no fighting over this one and we will survive until I can get a new desktop. If anyone knows of any good cheap laptops, give me a note to let me know.
Ok, I need to finish my coffee, take a shower, and start to working. I know I should probably forgo the shower till I am done but it is humid and I feel icky.

Happy Sunday!

RIP Mac

*266*

I should have known when I saw Chelsea had completely turned off the computer last night that something was wrong. My Mac desktop is dead. It comes on and you can browse for like 5-10 and then this pain in the ass colored circle comes on the screen. Usually it would go away but now it wont and you cannot close out the browser to start all over again. You cannot do anything. You have to turn the computer completely off. So yeah, it is dead.
I have this Dell laptop that our friend gave us. We are all going to have to use it and some people are not going to be happy. It was given to ME. But someone thinks it is theirs. You have to basically wrestle it out of her hands to get to use it. Sorry bub. We have no other options but phone. You all are NOT going to take over this computer and leave me with nothing. I forbid that shit.
I guess I will get more housework done huh?
 A replacement desktop Mac will be $1200-1400. If I wanted to be spiffy and get a Mac Book Pro (laptop) then that is $1400-1800. As you can tell from my writings, I do not have a pot to piss in. I do have a window to throw it out of though! LOL
So there will be no new computer in this house for some time. I do not want to sound like a snob but we like Apple computers. We like the fact that you do not get viruses. I want that again. She lived 4 years. That is a good run.
I am sounding all sad.
Frankly, I am. So many things have been coming up and NOW the computer dies. I was able to save all my pics and paperwork on the external hard drive. Yay! I hope Chelsea gets the chance to do the same.

This sucks! Really. I keep staring at it but that does not mean it will make it all better. Cant fix it because it will cost too much (i already know).

Okay..back to life. I guess I can wash some floors or some stupid shit like that.

Chocolate and Pap Smears

*267*

I am feeling better this evening in the way of my flying hormones. Phew! This month was a bad one. I do not usually get emotional like that but I guess with everything weighing on me at once, it was bound to happen. All I know is, I want chocolate. And no candybar will do it. I want some cake I think. Too humid to bake at home so I think I will go seek something out after my...pap smear!

  That is right, in the midst of all this mess and tears, I have to go to the Gyno for a annual check up. I have not been in a couple years. I have some questions. I want my hormone levels checked. I think they are lacking. Boy, that is wayyy too much information but I have never held back before. I think my libido needs a boost. I know that it could be better then it has been. I also want to know if the HPPV that I have is one of the cancer causing strains. If I do not have to worry, I should know.
Then there will be the freaking Mammo. Oh yeah, big tits love getting smashed down flat on a plate. You look down and you are horrified. Yup, that is part of my fate for tomorrow morning. I took a bath and I am all perfumed up for tomorrow. Except for this pesky period...
As long as I get my chocolate cake afterward, I should be good!

This parody is funny!

I have had a really bad day today with having a heavy assed period and the Facebook fiasco. This made my day. I almost snorted Diet Pepsi out of my nose. Enjoy!

Facebook sucks ass

*267*

I have to agree with what my friend Deb said to me a little bit ago. I am in the beginnings of my Autumn Fibromyalgia flare. It happens twice a year. I have been ignoring the fact that it is coming. I have been continually feeling more crappy as the days move on. I have SO MUCH TO DO but my body and mind wont let me. I want to cry.
 I am having a mini meltdown today. I think it is the flare and all the changes going on. Next month we lose $490 from Social Security forever, Netflix boned everyone up the ass with streaming and dvds, my local newspaper, The Day, has now started charging to read the paper online and now Facebook has screwed up the feeds. I am not good with change. Okay, I am good with some change but when everything is thrown at me at once, I do not do well.
Okay, now I am crying. My family does not do jack to help me around the house but the continually want me to do for them. What`s for dinner? Fuck! Make me fucking dinner for once!
   I am constantly sleeping and I have a cough that is worrying me but the Dr does not think anything of it so i guess it should be fine.
My house smells of dog that needs a bath, my fridge smells of something citrusy icky, there is laundry, vacuuming, bathrooms, linens, organizing (because I organize shit like a bookshelf and then SOMEONE comes over and fucks it up and does not put it back the way I had it). I am sick to death of all the fucking clutter. And it isnt even mine!! There are bills to be paid, papers to shred, books to pack into totes cause there is no fucking room. It is just constant. I am embarrassed by it all. My family says it does not matter and that when people come over they do not think anything of it. BULLSHIT! If I went to someones house and it looked like ours, I would wonder why Mom was lax in her duties. So that is just a line they say to get out of doing anything. All I get are complaints and demands. The economy needs to fucking change cause I am tired of living like this.

Boy, can you tell I do not feel good? And I have to go to Family therapy tomorrow. Woop de doo lala!

I am going to steal the laptop and go to bed. End of fucking story. Fuck you Zuckerberg!

Food Budget

*267*

I think I have used this picture before but it fits into what I am talking about so I am gonna use it.
  I did not go grocery shopping in the classical sense this past Friday. I went to the food co-op to pick up a few odds and ends for the vegetarian but otherwise, I did not go. I have food in the fucking house. Lots of fucking food. In the freezers and in the cabinets. The only thing I really need to buy on a weekly is toilet paper, paper towels, and some dairy. I need to pop into the store today and pick up coffee grounds and cream. I am TRYING to save money. I spend $100 a week (give or take) on groceries. That is $400, sometimes $500 a month! That is fucking ridiculous. Granted, if there is a sale on those big packages of hamburger or pork chops, my ass is going for it. But I should not be spending that amount of money. I need to hark back to when people made due. You cooked everything from scratch..except the bread. I will do some artisan bread for grins and giggles but I am not baking household sandwich bread.
  I want to see if I can cut our food spending to $200 a month BUT there will be alternate months where I will spend that extra to fill up the cabinets. Enough of spending tons of money on food that ends up in the garbage.
 There is a smell in my fridge that I cannot distinguish where it is coming from. Fred and I did a sweep of it yesterday. I tossed out anything old or suspicious. There was nothing that made us go EEWWWW!
Smell is still there. I will have to clean the fridge.
But see what I mean. I threw out about $30 worth of food. There are people in this country that cannot afford that luxury. So I am going to stop it in our house. It is going to be eaten dammit! Before it goes bad.
I will shop this Friday. I will need to.
But for this week, I did not.

Sunday Reflections

Chelsea is getting a pair of cat frames this month.

*266*

It is cool this morning and afternoon in the house. Feels good but I think I need to retire the tank tops until next Spring and Summer. When it is colder and you wear skimpish clothing, you feel extra exposed!
I cleaned one have of the bed in front of the porch and I have to do the other side today. I am going slow because my back is much better and I want to keep it that way. But I need to start working on putting the garden to bed. I planted my blueberry bush and I transplanted a raspberry baby plant. Better sun where it is moved to. I hope it does better next year.  I want to build 3-4 garden beds out front. It will make it easier for me and I will not have to dig up the front yard to have a nice garden. I can plant ground covers and marigolds or some shit like that around the beds.

The beginning of this month I took Natalie to get her first pair of contact lenses. I will hold off on new glasses for now. I have to pay for Chelsea at the end of this month. She is getting Wayfarer cat frames. They have already been ordered. She is not working and she only gets like $50 a week for unemployment so it is the least I can do for her. She needs glasses badly.  She is having trouble seeing in the ones she has on now.

My Natalie is going to be 18 years old next month. I have not really thought about it much in terms of she being an adult now. I am 42 and I will have 2 adult children. Isnt that a hoot? LOL
Now they need to win the Powerball or something so Fred and I can have our empty nest! LOL

I am sad today

Marion (2nd), Fred (1st), Kevin (4th)

*266*<---that is what the scale at home says right now. I wish it were true.

I should be happy today. Cooler Fall weather is coming and I went to the family sale at Salvation Army and spent $8 on two tops and two pairs of pants. Cute Cute Cute! I paid some bills and mailed a package out to a friend. It was hot as hell today and I was sweating but it should still be a good day. But it isnt.
Fred found out that his blood sugar was high enough for the Dr. to prescribe him Metformin for diabetes. He has diabetes.  I called the office to find out if the Dr wants him to test his blood sugars and if so, he will need a meter and supplies. I feel badly but it was bound to happen. Both his Mother and his biological Father have Type 2 Diabetes. He does not eat as healthy as he should (neither do I).
 That picture was taken two years ago at his Mother`s 60th birthday party. His gut is not like that anymore. He does have a pudge but it has gone way down. He saw those pics and it really bothered him.  I am going to be a good wife and friend about this. He never ever hounded me about what I ate or did. He left my lifestyle and dietary choices totally up to me. I would have resented him if he had done otherwise. I will treat him in kind. I will tell him stuff he should avoid and stuff he can have, etc etc etc. Then push him out the nest. If he wants to continue to drink that sugary Ginger ale, it is none of my business. Some may think that I do not love him enough because I will not nag his ass to the ground about every single substance he puts into his body. Wow, long sentence! LOL
I love him forever and I have said that. I just feel when it comes to YOUR body, it is YOUR choice. Like people that decide to not do chemo and let the cancer take them, that is THEIR choice. Not yours.
  I will be pushing for him to see a nutritionist for a couple times or some classes to learn about food. He has the right to know everything.

So yeah, I should be in a good mood today..but I really am not. The girls and I were going to go out for pizza for dinner but I dont think I am in the mood at all.
Ho..hum
Oh..I am still freaking tired. Get this one. I slept all night on Monday, woke up at 11am, took a 2 hour nap from 4pm-6pm, and then fell to sleep at 11pm..and Fred woke my ass up at quarter to 10am this morning. I did not want to get up but he made me. He says I am sleeping too damn much. You think?
   I do not feel like I have not slept so it is not sleep apnea (i had that before and I know how that feels). I still think this is a symptom of something else.
I strained my back a week or so ago..it is getting better now. Every day feels a little bit better. I am not over doing it and I am not bending, stretching, or heavy lifting. My fat ass needs to get back to the gym. Chelsea says Why bother? You will never lose weight because you never follow through. Witch!

Going to go now and waste time on Tumblr!

Mouse!

*270* <---I haven't really been paying attention.
It was a cool night sleeping last night. Fred and I had went out and we got home around 8pm. I tried to stay up by my ass was tired. Very very tired. Around 4am we were woken up by the sound of a high pitched screech!!! It got closer and closer and when I said to Fred "what is THAT?", the sound starting moving away from us ....going downstairs. Oliver caught a mouse! His first one, I think.Good boy! Fred went downstairs and tried to get it away from him but no luck. He gave up because it was 4am, it was dark, and he was tired. Thankfully, Oliver left it out for me to find. He left it on the dining room floor. It was all wet and mangled. It was definitely loved by all three of them,  I bet (Lu thinks that is de-classe..she was under the covers in bed with us). I live in an old house and you get the occasional mouse from time to time. That is why I will always have cats. They get the job done! hehehe Wet, blood thirsty, icky job.
It is a nice cool Sunday. I am going to clean the kitchen and start working on my Fall cleaning in the living room. I will be careful because my back has been hurting the past few days. I think I just strained it. I am keeping an eye, do not worry. I have no idea what I am going to do for dinner. Fred is going to his friend`s house to eat and watch football. This will be a running theme until it is over in January. I am okay with it. They get their guy time and I do not have to listen to it. The girls and I will watch Doctor Who. Chelsea taped it. It will be a good night for all.

September 11, 2011

Natalie was already in school (she was 7 yrs old) and I had just dropped off Chelsea at middle school (she was 12 yrs old). I was sitting here in the diningroom. I was drinking coffee at the table and listening to the classical music station, contemplating what I was going to do that morning.  The radio station cut in to tell about the first plane. Reports were said that it was a tragic accident. Then the second plane hit...

I went and picked my children up from school early (i was not the only one) and then I sat in front of the tv watching the raw videos. I immersed myself in it. The terror of it all washed over me until I was saturated. I know now that doing that was stupid. But I think it was very necessary.  I had been out of work for a bit because I was not feeling so great. In the coming two weeks, I was supposed to go to NYC to see my Dr. She is the one that would diagnose me as having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia.  I was so afraid to go. But my job made me. I had to get the courage and strength to see her and deal with the fresh fear of the city. I went and I am glad that I did. I love NYC. I never wanted this disgusting act to ruin something that I truly enjoy.

I will never forget.

Rainy Wednesday

*270*

It is raining. It started yesterday. Remnants of TS Lee. It is a good thing because the system will most likely push Hurricane Katia out to sea. Yay Lee!  It is giving me pain though. I am not enjoying that part. I am a human barometer when storms come around. I feel like shit in the back and right leg where my sciatica was. Today will be a slow assed day.
 Rainy days are good for two things: Cleaning OR sleeping. I have been doing way too much sleeping lately and not enough cleaning. I need to rectify that situation.  Autumn is fast approaching and I need to get down and dirty with the cleaning. I told Natalie I would pay her handsomely to help me. Baseboards need to be brushed out, the boards that cover them need to be wiped down, windows need to be washed before we cover them. It is always a big production. If I have her help, it will not take as long...like late November...when the cold Winter wind is blowing into the room while I desperately try to get the plastic on the windows. NO! I want to get shit done before I go to Philly in the first week of November! I do not want to have to worry that they are cold while I am having fun.

  I am already starting to think ahead because Fall is my favorite time of year. I have decided that I am NOT decorating for Halloween this year. No more going all out. Kids do not come down our street anymore. Last year, I got one kid. ONE! So I will do the mum plants and I will still carve pumpkins (I love to carve pumpkins), my Halloween flag and maybe something on the door but that is it. No more lanterns, blow up yard things, torches, and spiderweb shit. I am done! You all hear me?
I will put the Halloween back up when I have some grandchildren to decorate for.
 I have worked on our household budget. If I can follow it and be very vigilant with the money, I will actually be able to save some of our money even though we are losing $500 a month. This month`s check for Natalie will be the last one. I was kind of flirty with the idea of giving her the $90 (it is $490) as a gift for being a grown up..hehehe But I think I will hold it. She wants a tat for her birthday in October and I am going to need every fucking penny.
She will be 18. My baby will be an adult. Now it is time for her to really think about what she going to do with her life. But not today. Today is a raining day. More of a nap and eat kind of day....

Labor Day 2011

Bathing Beach, Ocean Beach. New London, CONN

*270*

This is the *unofficial* last day of Summer. I wanted to go swimming but the weather is suck ass. It is going to rain rain rain. It is from the TD Lee. So I am going to stay inside and cook. Spaghetti sauce with spicy Italian sausage to go over spaghetti. Then I am going to  make a nice banana cake with cream cheese frosting.
 Fred is working so I will not see him until almost midnight.
Shit, I got nothing to say. I do not work out of the home anymore and have not for almost 10 years. I wish I still did. I miss working.
Oh, Fred found a job at the hospital that Chelsea might like. I hope she JUMPS on it and does not dilly dally so that it gets taken away. I think she would rather do nothing but her ass needs to get a job so she can go on her way.  This job is 20 hours so it is only part time but that could change. I will cross my fucking fingers AND toes that she tries for it. I will be mega pissed if she does not.
Okay, now I really have nothing to talk about.....Nope. I need to run out to get some onions, come home and make the sauce so it can burble for a couple hours, make the cake and then I am going to watch Anthony Bourdain marathon on the Travel Channel.
That is how Heidi celebrates Labor Day!

Sunday Kitchen cleaning/phase 2

*270*

That is my fish. My (now retired) insurance broker is a local artist. He made me this fish, I gave him vegetables. Here is a link to the whole process. She (she looks like a she) hangs in my livingroom by the staircase. Her other side is black and white but I like the colors! I thought I would share a little bit of me (and him) with you.

  I woke up at 11am. Fred and I were uber lazy. I am drinking coffee and it is almost 230pm. I am pulling stuff out of the pantry. Things are going into bags for donation to the Gemma Moran Food Center down the street. Other stuff is getting tossed. I am hand washing the diningroom curtains and I am bleaching the shelves in the pantry. Busy Busy Busy! I need to take a couple ibuprofen but I will do that when I am finished here.
I have not been really paying attention to my weight or anything. I am not gaining cause all those faboo clothes that NOW fit, still fit. LOL
I want to go to the gym and stick with it. I just do not know how to do that. Does anyone know how to do that? To completely commit to working out because it is GOOD for you in all ways. I can do like 2 days and then 2 days and then week or two will pass and nothing. I need to be committed to doing this or I am wasting my money.
 Ok. I need to get off this hot box and work on the pantry. Toodles!

The Lysol Saturday

*270*

  I bought two nice big Mums for the stairs on my porch. One for each side. It was a splurge. Lately I would never think of spending $10 on some plants but I did. There were pumpkins too but it is too early for them. We might get another freaking hurricane anyway (Katia) so I do not want to bring much outside that I will have to drag back in. I am worried about this next storm. I hope it goes out to sea.
I have to get off the computer in a bit because Chelsea wants to watch the live feed of Doctor Who that is going to be showing soon in Britain on BBC.
 So today is disinfecting the kitchen, maybe getting started on the pantry (half today, half tomorrow) and I am going to make egg rolls for dinner. I have a little bit of energy today. Might as well waste it on manual labor. JOY!!

Have a great Labor day weekend!

September is here!

*269*<---Dr office says 277 <sad face>

I see Blogger has a new interface. I have not decided if I like it yet. Give it time to grow on me. We have not went to the gym because I have been tired and busy with storm clean up. I am in the middle of cleaning the bathroom behind me. The tub is luxuriating in a lather of Ajax. I figured I would pop on here and let you all know what has been going on. I have just been busy. I am not ignoring the blog.
 I had some female trouble that I needed looked at this week. All is good. Nothing to worry about. Just some cyst issues that I had never had before. It can happen to women in their 40s. *sigh of relief*. I had my physical with my GP the week before. I told him how I have been extremely tired lately, coughing, and intermittent chest pain. He listened to my chest, took some blood work, raised my insulin, and gave me a tetanus shot and sent me on my way. I guess he does not think it is anything. I think that I have to be dragged out of bed at noon when I went to bed at 11pm is kinda not Heidi..but oh well.
  We went to the cider mill in Mystic this afternoon. First batch of cider and donuts of the season. I will go back many many times before they close at Christmas. I have been drinking cider from B.F. Clyde`s Cider Mill since I cannot remember...like very young. My advice to you is this: Do not go on the weekends!!! If you want to go for the whole kit and kaboodle touristy bullshit, go in October on a Saturday. You will get to go into the mill and learn how apple cider is pressed. It is very interesting and kids love that shit. Then you can go to the store and spend money on sweet cider, hard cider, wines, canned goods, baked goods, donuts, etc etc etc. If you do not want to deal with the bullshit, just come during the week and go in the store and get your goodies. I wait for this time of year, every year. I took the Jeepo to the car wash ($18 to watch it go thru and then the guys cleaned and dried it) and then went to the cider mill, drank my Cider slushy, and then we went to a diner in Mystic for lunch. Now I sit here...taking a break from cleaning the bathroom. Not even the bathroom I use!
 I sure as hell is talking huh?
Milo is getting big. I need to call up the Team spay/neuter van to find out when they are going to be in my area this month. I want him fixed before the winter.
 Okay, this ginger cat is climbing and purring all over me now. I need to get back to my wifely duties.
Oh yeah, speaking of that..life sucks. Fred has been working overtime at hospital cause he is covering for the woman on days (she was in car accident), then on his days off, he works at the shop for 8 hours or more. Then when he gets off work at hospital at 11pm, he goes to the shop for another 2 hours. So I see him a grand total of NEVER. 5 minutes here and there. Then he gets a new phone and switches back to Virgin Mobile. Guess what? He cannot get any bars in his area of the hospital like he did with his Gophone. So now I cant even text him anymore. So I do not see him basically at all. And anybody that wants to pipe up about I am lucky he is working..I do not want to hear that. Okay? I have been with this man for 25 years and when I have not seen him longer then 5 minutes at a time for 2 weeks, that is a problem.
Okay..now I am done.
Back to bathroom duties!